How they moved on
by SkaterSince2004
Summary: Spoilers all the way through Season 6 'The End! This is a Skate-Story! It starts out on the Ajira plane, up on leaving the Island. It will then carry on to show how their lives unfolded after surviving. Sawyer and Kate being the main characters. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1 Déjà vu

**Author's Notes:**

I wanted to explain the circumstances of their rescue in more detail. Please rate/review. Thank you for reading!

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They've done it!

They actually made it off the island alive.

Everyone is relieved at first, until Lapidus called Miles and Richard into the Cockpit. James couldn't help himself, and tagged along, leaving Kate and Claire to talk amongst themselves.

"Well, boys, I hate to interrupt our going away party, but we have a problem."

"Of course we do." James replied sarcastically.

"Besides the fact that not all my instruments are working right, I'm almost positive we won't be able to put this bird down on a runway again, even if we were to come across one."

"So what's the plan now? What are we going to do?" Miles wants to know, almost panicky.

"The way I see it, ditching is the only chance we've got." Frank explained.

"Ditching, what the hell is that supposed to mean? We can't jump out in flight, with no parachutes." Miles chimed in again.

"No." Frank shook his head, "I'm talkin' about a water landing. I'll have to try to put this thing down in the ocean. So get the life raft ready, and tell those ladies back there to put their life vests on too. Just be prepared to deal with a whole lot of water."

James interrupts by asking. "Well, Kenny Rogers, you think you can put this thing back down as easily as you got it up?"

"Yeah, man, does that actually ever work? I mean, do you know anyone that has done that before?" Miles wondered out loud.

"Personally, no. I don't know anyone who's ever done that. But in January 2002 a Boing 747 successfully ditched, out of sixty people on board, only one died."

"Could have left the 'only one died' part out of the story." James added before he left the cockpit to tell Kate and Claire about their plan.

They all started searching for the life raft, and put on their life vests, however James pulled Miles aside, out of Kate's earshot.

"Enos, if anything happens to me, can you make sure Kate makes it out alright?"

"You'll be fine, and so will she, Jim. But I clearly see where your priorities lie." His sarcastic humor coming through.

"Just promise me. She got that gunshot wound, and yeah, she can swim with it for a little while, but just in case … Just promise me, you take care of her."

"Of course man, I will. But don't do anything stupid, and dying now would be really fucking stupid." Miles answered him.

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Frank manages to land the plane in the ocean and they all made it out alive, before the plane filled up with water.

James helped Kate into the life raft, and then both of them pulled in Claire.

As they all settled in, Frank looked over at Kate."Déjà vu, huh?" Kate just nods at him, exhausted and overwhelmed by the same sense of déjà vu Frank was referring to.

"We made it, everyone's alive." Miles seemed excited.

Everyone just relaxed for a moment, trying to catch their breaths.

"Guys, we are going to have to come up with a plan here, 'cause Jack ain't here to do it for us this time?" Frank looked around the group of people, but mainly focused his attention on Kate.

"Any thoughts there, Kate?" He continued.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Well, we've been here before, done that. And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I read in the paper back then, that you got out with a sentence of ten year probation and aren't supposed to leave the state of California. So, I'm wondering if you have a plan on how you'll get back, without being put back in handcuffs again?"

"And for that matter, I'm wondering how the hell I'm gonna be able to explain away the fact that I ended up with pretty much with none of my ajira passengers, yet there's two remaining survivors of flight 815." He looked to James and Claire.

"And you Miles, hell, where the hell did you come from. Same goes for Richard over there. Seems all of us have to think of something, and it better be something good."

They all look at each other, until Richard finally spoke up.

"We need to find land, and I should be able to get in contact with the island, and."

"Meaning what exactly, because I ain't going back." James interrupted him mid sentence.

"I will talk to whoever is in charge now. He'll tell me what to do and provide me with the resources to carry out the plan." Richard explained further.

"Resources? What resources?" James chimed in again.

"Fake passports and such. Depending on what is decided on", said Richard.

"What makes you think that there is even an island left to contact? Or a new Jacob to tell you what to do? Last thing we all saw was the island sinking to the bottom of the ocean." James looked at him, not convinced of this idea.

"If the Island had actually sunk, we wouldn't be here right now. We'd all be dead." Richard looked at all of them, trying to see if they all understood what he was saying.

"So what? If we reach a boat or a coast somewhere, what are we supposed to do, until you got some answers back from the island? People are going to wonder who the hell we are. Besides, what happens if the doc didn't make it, and there is no new Jacob?" He tried to ignore Kate's stare when he mentioned Jack.

Before Richard could answer, Kate chimed in, "He's offering to help, but if you have a better plan, James, then I'd love to hear it?" She looked over at him challenging him and he looked back at her somewhat defeated.

He sighed, and said "I don't. " He leaned back and tried to relax against the somewhat soft side of the raft. He didn't want them to go back to the island, nor did he want Kate to end up in prison.

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They all were in shock, no doubt. There was silence among them for quite some time, until Lapidus spoke up again.

"We have to say we are from the Ajira flight, and you all were on it. Kate was on it to begin with. And you have to just be other passengers."

The all stared at him in disbelieve.

"You just want us to make up some names?" Claire spoke up for the first time.

Pretty much." Frank blurted out.

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After almost two days of floating in the water, with no food or water, they saw the light of a boat in the distance. They all yelled for rescue, and when the boat seemed to come towards them. They quickly tried to cook up a story amongst them all, about how the flight went down, and where they'd been.

When the boat got closer, Frank was in shock. He couldn't believe what he saw.

"Son of a bitch, Kate, would you look at that? This can't be true?"

When Kate looked what Frank was talking about, she said, "Oh my god, that's impossible."

"What going on? Care to fill us in here. Should we be paddling the other way, Freckles?" He was growing concerned.

"No, we're saved. We're gonna be just fine." She actually gave James - who was sitting to her left - a hug out of excitement.

But then Frank looked at her, and both of them realized something, and Kate's eyes grew sad.

James noticed the sudden melancholy and got worried once more, "What is it, just spit it out, you two."

"It's the searcher."

"I can see that, I can read. Why were you all smiles and now sad faces again, who the hell is it?"

"It's Penny. Desmond's Penny." Kate tried to explain.

"Wait a minute? This is actually Pennies boat?" Claire wanted to know, remembering Charlie's prediction of the freighter not being Pennies Boat from all those years ago.

"Well, I'll be damned. So we won't have to lie about who we are." James seemed relieved.

"Not if she's on board, so let's hope." Frank answered.

The boat had reached their raft, and as the men on the Searcher helped them get onto the boat, Frank could already see Penny on deck, her eyes scanned the faces of everyone on the raft.

"What happened? What are you doing here?" Penny asked the obvious question, as everyone stood before her.

"We could ask you the same thing?" Frank answered as he gave Penny a hug too. "But to answer your question, we crashed in the ocean again, but this time with a plane, and as you can see some other people. But really, what are you doing here?"

Penny was obviously confused and surprised to say the least, but gathered her thoughts rather quickly, when she answered. "My father, he kidnapped Desmond out of the hospital, and I've followed the coordinates that he used for his submarine. Do you know anything about Desmond? Have you seen him?"

"Yes, we've seen him." James answered.

"So, he's alive? He's okay then?" Penny searched James' face for confirmation, not knowing who she was talking to.

"We don't know that, but he was alive when we last saw him?" Kate chimed in now.

"When you last saw him? What do you mean, Kate? Why isn't he with you?"

"It's a long story, but apparently Richard here has a way to get in contact with whoever is left on that Island. He can find out what happened to Desmond. So Richard, wanna tell us where to go from here?" James was eager to get answers, not just for Penny but for all of them.


	2. Chapter 2 The Island can do it

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Author's Notes:**

Please rate/review. Thank you for reading! 

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Three Days later

He knocks on her bedroom door, "Freckles, can I come in?" He heard a responds from the other side of the door and without giving it another thought he walked in, but what he found was her standing there in just a pair of jeans and she was just about to pull a shirt on.

"I said 'hold on'." She looked over at him and pulled her hair out of the back of the shirt.

"Sounded like 'come in' on the other side of the door." He smiled and tried to explain himself.

"What's up, James?"

He had to erase that image of her shirtless from his mind again before he could gather his thoughts, "Yeah, since Richard left two days ago, I've been thinking. I think we should talk about what we're going to do here." He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest while she sat down on her bed, but before she could answer, there were more knocks at the door. Lapidus and Miles came in.

"So why are we having a meeting without Claire?" Kate wanted to know and scanned the faces of the three men in front of her.

"Because we need to talk about what to do next. Claire's asleep, and let's face it, we need to discuss her as well, Sweet-cheeks."

Miles chimed in, "What exactly did you wanna discuss, Jim?"

"The way I see it, we're basically being held captive here by the others again. He brought as to this island, won't even tell us where the hell we are. Tells us to stay put, and not leave, until he gets back."

Lapidus spoke up, "I thought we all agreed that this is the only logical way to go about this, and it ain't like that front door to this very expensive hotel suite is bolted shut. Any one of us can leave, but there is nowhere to leave too."

"He said he will go and talk to Jack, and find out a way to bring us all home, so I think we should just do as he says, and wait." Kate looked around the group searching their faces for agreement.

"Has it ever occurred to you, that Jack didn't make it, Freckles? Let's not forget the blood gushing wound he had. And him being the doctor, doubt he was able to stitch himself up. And then what?" He looked at her.

"I don't want to think about that." She looked away, tears stinging at her eyes.

Frank and Miles both looked at James in disgust for what he'd said.

"Look, I'm sorry, but we can't be in denial here, you have a little boy to go back too, and you said you want to reunite him with the loony-bin that hasn't seen a brush in three years, so we have to talk about this. There's no way around it?"

Lapidus raised his hand, "I'll vote for waiting for Richard, he seems to have a plan at least." Looking at Miles and Kate.

James looked at Lapidus and Miles, then back at Kate. "If Jack didn't make it, then the person in charge would probably be Ben again. And here we all are, sitting ducks, just waiting for Richard to bring us back to the island. Sounds like the stupidest idea I've heard so far. After everything that happened over the last couple of days, Jack would not want us to go back Kate, and you know that." James tried to meet her eyes, but after that comment about Jack she refused to look at him.

Finally Kate looked up, "I don't believe that Jack is dead. And besides, Frank is right, we don't even know where we are. Where to go to from here. Our only chance is to wait for Richard and hope he knows what to do. But if you've come up with a better plan, then fill us in?"

"I think we should at least try to find out where we are?" He looked around the group. "Just to be in the know, should my prediction be right about Richard. And I still have my gun, so what do you say?"

Lapidus said, "Are you volunteering?"

"Sure,I'll go. Freckles, you wanna join me?"

"I'm not leaving, James. I'll wait until Richard get's back. It's only been two days; we just need to be a little patient." She looked up at him.

James looked over at Miles. "I'm with her on this, dude. There's just no point. Richard helped me put that damn plane back together, he doesn't want to go back to that island any more than any one of us, so I'll stick it out here."

"Alright, I guess I'm on my own." He frowned as he said that. "Now let's talk about Claire?"

"What about her?" Kate asked, even knowing what he meant already.

"If you make it back to L.A., you just gonna hand her the boy and that's that, Freckles? Because I told you before, I still think she's dangerous, she shouldn't be left with Aaron."

"I know that, James. I'll help her, I'm not sure how yet, but I'll figure something out."

"Where is he right now anyways?" James asked.

"He's with Carole, Claire's mom."

Out of nowhere Kate started crying. Then said through her tears, her voice breaking with every word, "I really don't know how I'm going to do that. I thought the hardest part was leaving him with Carole. But the hardest part is having to explain to him that I'm not his mom. How can I break his heart like that? And my own along with it?" She looked up at James, tears running down her cheeks now.

Lapidus nudged Miles, and without saying a word, both of them left the room, closing the door behind them.

James sat down on the bed bedside her and pulled her in to comfort her. He didn't know what to say.

_How do you tell a little boy, who has only known you to be his mother, that you're not his mom? _

He had no answers for her. Both of them just sat there, him holding her in complete silence. He just held her while she cried for a long time.

"I ain't gonna leave." He said, looking down at her tear streaked face.

She stopped sobbing long enough to look up, met his eyes and said, "Thank you."

"Live together or die alone, right?. The doc wouldn't want us to split up now, when we're so close to making it back home where we belong."

Miles stormed in without knocking, "Guys, Penny just showed up and she has a little kid with her."

Kate jumped up and ran into the other room, but sighed when she realized it wasn't Aaron.

"Penny." He nodded his head towards her in greeting. "How did you find us?" James looked at Penny in suspense.

"Richard told me to come here. He said he'd have news about Desmond."

Everyone just nodded their head to greet her. Lapidus stuck his hand out to the little boy, "And who are you, little man?"

"Charlie." He answered shyly.

"Well, nice to meet you Charlie. I'm Frank."

Claire had come out of her room, staring at the little boy, not only thinking about Aaron, but after hearing his name, she couldn't help but think of Charlie as well.

The little boy hung onto his mothers' leg, while he looked around the room full of people staring at him.

James pulled Kate back into her room, then whispered "Still think waiting here for Richard is a good idea, Freckles?

"What do you mean?" She whispered back.

"I mean, if he has news, he could've just called her, not add her to the mix. And remember, they are always eager to take the children, for whatever sick reason."

"I don't know, James." She started to doubt Richard as well. "But I really have no other choice. If we all run together, try to find our own way back to the states, then I'll be arrested, and Claire will just get Aaron in the state of mind she is right now. Do you see what I'm saying, James. I can't run, I can't do that to Aaron." She looked up at him. "So, if you changed your mind again now that Penny showed up, I'll understand."

"I ain't leaving without you. So, I guess we just have to wait and hope Richard isn't a liar like Ben." They both walked back out of her room.

"So, Penny, care to fill us in on what Richy had to say for himself, why you're supposed to be here?"

"He just said to be here at this time, and that he'd have news about my husband?"

"And you believed him?" James pried.

"James." Kate looked at him.

"I'm just sayin', what do we know about this Richard guy anyways, other then he seems to age pretty well." He looked around the room. "Just throwing it out there."

"We have no choice, James. I already told you. And not too long ago, you trusted him with Ben." Kate said again, and they looked at each other.

"Well, Freckles, Ben couldn't really have turned out any worse then he already had." He looked to Kate.

Right in that moment Richard walked in. Everybody was surprised and smiled when they saw that Desmond was with him.

Desmond, Penny and little Charlie embraced, crying. Everyone else was clearly touched by their successful reunion, restoring their faltering faith in Richard.

Richard carried a briefcase with him, looked around the room and said, "I'm glad to see you're all still here."

"Kate, I have to talk to you in private." Richard said, looking over at her, and opening the front door of the suite, suggesting her to leave with him.

James pulled his gun out, so that it would be visible to Richard and said, "She ain't going nowhere with you alone, Hoss."

Kate looked at James then back at Richard.

Richard looked annoyed but none the less answered, "Fine, you can join us, James. I guess this does concern you too. But lets go, we have a lot to discuss. But you need to put that away." He pointed towards the gun. "You'll scare the child."

James looked over at Charlie, who was consumed with his dad being back, then put the gun back in the back of his jeans, pulling his shirt over it in order to conceal it. He followed Kate out of the suite and Richard walked them to a different hotel room, but before he unlocked the door, he turned to Kate. "This wasn't my doing, Kate. This is simply what Hugo asked me to do."

James said, "Hurley?"

Richard just swung the door open, to reveal none other than Carole and Aaron standing there.

The little boy yelled, "Mommy" and ran into Kate's arms. Kate was crying again, but this time out of joy. James looked at Richard, now realizing that he'd meant Aaron would be scared of the gun.

Both men followed Kate into the room; Richard looked at James and said, "I guess we should give them a minute." James nodded his head.

Richard faced Carole and said, "Your daughter is in suite 222. But remember everything we discussed, don't mention Aaron to her." Carole nodded, and quickly left the room.

The two men watched on, as Kate wouldn't let the little boy out of her embrace. Touching his face, and kissing him. James had never seen her like this, and he couldn't believe that that little boy was Aaron.

"Aaron?" Richard said, making Kate and the boy turn their heads looking at him, "I have to talk to your mom now, do you want to watch some cartoons?" He pointed towards the TV.

The little boy looked at Kate, and she said, "It's alright, baby. I'm not leaving. I'll be right here."

While Aaron was distracted with the TV, the three of them gathered on the other side of the room, out of the little boy's earshot.

"Why did you bring him here?" Kate questioned him, thinking about the conversation she'd shared with James after Penny and Charlie had arrived.

"I brought him here, because we have to discuss his future." Richard looked at the two of them.

James and Kate shared a concerned glance, and James said, "First off, start with explaining what Hurley has to do with any of this, and why the hell did you say this concerns me too?"

And just like that, his words seemed cold when Richard stated, "Jack is dead, and Hugo is in charge now. And Hugo wants to fix the lie that was created up on the return of the Oceanic six?"

Kate was in shock about Jack. She looked over at Aaron.

"What the hell is an Oceanic six?" James asked.

"Doesn't matter, what matters is, that Aaron has to be returned to his mother. His real mother. And from what I understand, you agree with that Kate?" Richard said and searched Kate's face for a sign of agreement.

"Yes, I do." She looked away from Aaron and looked at Richard instead as she nodded her head.

"Hugo is in charge, and he has given me detailed instructions on how to get you all home. And how to return Aaron to Claire, without hurting him by loosing you."

James and Kate looked at each other, puzzled.

"So, just listen to me. I'll explain everything in more detail later on, but I want to fill you all in on the plan itself. First off, I have to take Aaron with me."

"With you where?" Kate and James asked as if speaking out of one mouth.

"I'll explain that later. But just let me finish. I'll take him with me, and when I bring him back, he won't remember you." He looked at Kate. "He will only remember Claire being his mother."

Kate sobbed and James interrupted, "Now wait just a damn minute, are you saying you're going to erase his memory of living with Kate? He won't remember how to talk and walk either, you do realize that?"

"No, he will remember everything, but he won't recognize Kate as his mother, only Claire."

"And how the hell are you going to do that? That's impossible?" James asked him.

"The Island can do it." Richard answered.

Kate blurted out, "You are not bringing him to the Island." She was too loud, and all three of them noticed the little boy turn around to look at his upset mother.

"It's okay, honey, just watch your cartoon." She said, and James was surprised with what ease she could switch the sound of her voice from outraged to soothing and motherly.

"I don't have to bring him to the Island to do it." Richard said.

James was not convinced again. "You really think this is the best way to do this."

"We are just trying to spare that little boy the pain of losing his mother. You, James, of all people should understand that." Richard looked at James, and then looked at Kate "And he will still know you as someone who cares about him, he will just not recognize you as his mother."

Kate said, "When we brought Ben to you on the island. In 1977. You said that he wouldn't remember, and that he would never be the same. You said that he would lose his innocence. Is that what's going to happen to Aaron? Will it change him?" Kate looked concerned and frightened for her son.

"No, it won't. These are Hugo's ways of doing things, he would never do anything to hurt Aaron, Kate."

James chimed in now, "How do we even know that what you're saying is the truth. How do we know that Jack died, and Hugo is the new man in charge? I can't picture Hugo volunteering for this job. So do you really think we are dumb enough to hand you Aaron and let you take him, just based on your word alone?"

"Of course not? I have proof, but I wish the two of you would just let me explain all of this. I know you have a lot of questions, I understand that. Just let me explain the plan, and I'll explain the finer details later on. And if I wanted to hurt Aaron, or take him away, I could have already done so."

Kate looked at James, "Just let him talk. Let's just listen." James nodded reluctantly.

"Frank was not the pilot on the Ajira flight and Hurley and you were never on the flight out to Guam either, and therefore you did not break your probation deal. The plane did crash with Jack, Sayid and Sun on board, however the plane has not been found, and will never be found. Everyone that died, died in the plane crash. I'll bring you back to L.A. and it will be as if you have never left.

Now about Aaron. We will fake the death of Aaron Austen. Because Aaron Austen should have never been. And while you'll be mourning him in L.A., Aaron Littleton will be found with the last remaining survivors of Flight 815 on a deserted island somewhere, going hand in hand with the story of the Oceanic six accounts of where they crash landed?"

Kate said, "Sayid said there was not a chance of any more survivors. And it's been three years."

James began to realize what the term Oceanic six stood for.

"Guess Sayid was wrong." Richard replied fast.

Kate was in shock, silent tears streamed down her cheeks, Hugo's plan surrendered her speechless.

"How is that going to work, Hoss? And you're just going to hand that kid over to Claire the way she is. Maybe you oughta erase her memory first, cause right now she's in no state to take care of that boy?"

"I'm aware of that, James, which is where you come in?"

"Me?" James pointed at himself and glanced at Kate who looked just as confused as he did.

"You and Claire, and of course Aaron, are the last remaining survivors of Oceanic flight 815. We will stage a rescue of the three of you. You'll be there to help Claire take care of Aaron along the way."

"I don't know a damn thing about taking care of a kid."

"Hugo seems to think you can, he knows you wouldn't let anything happen to Aaron, or Claire for that matter. And Aaron will know Claire to be his mother, therefore he won't be frightened." Richard looked convinced of Hugo's plan.

James sighed. "Then what?"

"Then you'll be brought back to the states, where you James will receive a large settlement from Oceanic, setting you up for life. And Kate here will be able to aid Claire in raising Aaron. Mourning the loss of her own son, she finds new purpose in life by helping a fellow survivor with a child, also born on a deserted island. Just like she had to all those years ago." Richard looked at Kate.

"Well, sounds really awesome, 'xcept but the kid's name is Aaron, he looks like her Aaron. The press is going to be all over Claire and that boy, so you honestly don't think someone gonna put two and two together?" James questioned the plan again.

"Changing his name, and his appearance for a while, should be the least of our problems, James."

Richard looked at Kate, "Are you okay with Hugo's plan, Kate?"

Kate looked up at him, then at James. "You'd watch him, I mean, you would not let anything happen to him, right?"

"Of course not, I won't let anything happen to him." James tried to reassure her. "But this is your call, Freckles."

"Okay, but I want to go with you, where ever you have to take him to make him forget. I won't let him leave with you."

"You can't Kate. You have to trust me. Neither you or Claire can be there."

"Well, I guess I'm going then." James looked at Richard, and Richard nodded, "Fine, you can come."

"How much time do I have?" Kate looked at Aaron who was still content watching Cartoons.

"You have until nightfall, so a couple of hours."

Kate looked at both men, "So that's it then." And walked over to her son, picked him up and kissed his cheek, while the boy continued to watch TV.

Both men walked back towards their suite, when James stopped Richard, "You said you had proof, right now would be the time to share it."

"I know, James. I have a video of Hugo explaining everything. Not just about you guys, but also about Miles and Frank. And we can watch it right now. Once it gets dark, Kate, Miles, Frank and Carole will be brought back to the states, and while Desmond and Penny stay with Claire, you and I take Aaron."


	3. Chapter 3 The survivors of Oceanic 815

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you for reading! This story has been really fun to write.

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He knocked on the door, and when she opened, he held a big bag up in the air. "I got dinner. Anyone hungry?"

"Thank you, James. We're starving." She said, stepping out of the way, so he can come in.

She sat down at the table, "Aaron, let's turn the TV off for a minute and eat something, baby."

The little boy turned around, "I'm hungry, mommy." He got up and walked over to his mom, climbing up onto her lap.

James got the food out of the bag, and they all just started eating. Kate looked at her little man eating. Thank god he wasn't a picky eater, she thought.

"This is really good James, thank you." She looked up from her food, and smiled at him.

"Thank Richard, he went and got dinner for everyone."

"So what did I miss?"

"You missed a very interesting movie, starring Hurley." He looked up and smiled.

"Really? So what Richard said is true then?" She didn't smile.

He realized why she didn't smile. She was thinking about Jack. "Yeah, he told the truth." He didn't smile anymore either.

The little boy looked up at his mom, "Who is he?" pointing at James. She looked up and smiled at him.

He smiled at the little boy sitting across the table from him, put his hand out to shake, and mimicking Frank earlier with Charlie, "I'm James, and who are you?" The boy took his hand to shake.

"I'm Aaron." He said smiling. He looked up at his mom, when he was done eating and said "Can I watch cartoons, mom." She nodded.

When the little boy went back to watch TV, James followed him with his eyes, than looked up at Kate and said, "Anything I need to know, freckles?"

"What?" She looked confused.

"Aaron, any instructions I should have before you take off tonight and leave him here with Claire and me?" He looked almost worried. "Like I said before, I really don't know nothin' 'bout takin' care of a kid."

She looked over at the little boy with sad eyes, and then looked at James. "He's a good sleeper, he's not a picky eater. He'll tell you if he's hungry or thirsty, or if he has to go to the bathroom. He likes to color, likes to watch cartoons, he likes to be held, likes to be read to. Overall, he's a really good kid, besides the random tantrums here and there."

"Tantrums? And what do I do when he has one of those?"

"Nothing. You can try to calm him down by holding him, sometimes it works, but sometimes you just have to leave him alone, you know."

He smiled, "Sounds like you, freckles. Sometimes you can be calmed by holding you in my arms, and sometimes you just need to be left alone for a while." He looked at her knowing.

"You know that saying about throwing rocks in a glass house, James." She smirked.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." He smiled, and looked over at the kid. "I got this bad feeling that he's going to be a handful, especially with Claire still mumbling nonsense throughout the day."

She reached across the table and held his hand. "Thank you so much for doing this. I know you'll be fine, just …" She sobbed, "Please don't leave him alone with Claire, not yet. Promise me, James."

He looked into her eyes and reassured her, "I already told you. I promise. I'll keep him save." He pulled his hand out from underneath hers and got up, "Well, I leave you too alone, you only have about one hour left Richard said."

"I think you should stay here."

"Why?" He looked confused.

"He needs to get to know you a little, don't you think?" She looked at him.

He looked at the little boy, "I suppose so." He just stood there, not really knowing what to do. "So what now?" He asked.

She got up off her chair too, "Let's just sit with him, and watch Cartoons, or do you have something better to do?"

"Nope, I cleared my schedule to watch Cartoons." He smiled, and they both walked over to Aaron.

She picked him up and sat down on the loveseat, putting the boy on her lap. James sat down beside her, looking over at her with that kid in her arms. This just seemed surreal. Her sitting there, so content with that kid. His mind went back to that fight all those years ago.

_You didn't want a baby any more than I did._

His own mean voice echoed in his head. And something dawned on him.

_What if she got so mad at me because she had wanted a baby? _

He smiled a sad smile at the thought that she had actually wanted a baby with him. At least all those years ago she did.

"Hey baby, when this one's over, we're gonna turn the TV off for a little while."

"Why mommy?"

"Because we've been watching for hours."

They watched Cartoons a little bit longer, and James tried his best to interact with Aaron. Teasing him if he even knew what they were saying, since all the Cartoons were actually in a foreign language. For a little while, the boy even scooted onto James' lap to explain in detail about the Cartoon they were watching, as much as a three year old can explain anything in detail. It actually brought a smile to James' face, that little guy sure was cute. But he still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that he was that same little baby from all those years ago.

When Richard walked in, and told her that it was time. James got up, handed Aaron back to her and said, "I'll give you a minute."

He watched with Richard from the other side of the room, as she's trying to explain to Aaron, that she has to go away, but not for long. He heard his name in those almost whispered words a few times, and saw the little guy turn and look at him more than once. She didn't cry, to his surprise. But it made sense, if she'd cry that little boy would think something's wrong. So she didn't, although he had no idea how she managed not to cry. This had to be one of the saddest things he'd ever had to witness. Knowing that the next time he saw her, he wouldn't come running into her arms yelling 'mommy'. He felt so sorry for her.

Kate walked over to them, and handed Aaron to James.

"I'll see you soon, baby. I love you." She said. "I love you too, mommy."

Kate looked up at James, "I'll see you soon too I hope."

"I'll look you up, when I'm back in the states."

Kate kissed Aaron one last time, then said, "Bye bye, baby."

"Bye bye mommy." The little boy said, waving.

And she walked out of the room with Richard. There he was, looking around the room, Aaron in his arms.

"You wanna watch some more Cartoons, bud?"

"Mommy said no more cartoons."

"Well, Mommy just left. What do you say, you and me chilling in front of the TV?"

The boy smiled and nodded his head. Hell, this isn't so hard; he can do this, as he walked back towards the loveseat and got comfortable. He put Aaron on the now empty seat beside him, but it only was a matter of minutes until he'd climbed right back onto James' lap. He can do this, piece of cake.

Several hours later

He opened the soda can and handed it to the three year old in front of him, "Don't spill it all over you this time, alright?"

"Okay" He answered, and after just one sip of the carbonated beverage, he began to hiccup.

He smiled when he saw the boys face after every hiccup.

"I wanna go sleep." Aaron said, handing the soda can back to James.

"Sounds like a great idea, I'm tired too. It's been a long day."

He helped Aaron put his pjs on that Carole had packed for him, and tucked the kid in, in Kate's room, that was now painfully vacant.

"Alright then, don't get out of bed. I wake you up when it's time for breakfast. Good night."

"Mommy's not gonna tell me goodnight?" The boy looked up at him.

"Well, your mom's …" Crazy, comes to mind, but he doesn't say it. "You're mom's not feeling so good tonight, she needs to rest for a couple days, okay. But she'll be here in the morning, having breakfast with you. Okay." Aaron nodded, but looked disappointed.

He ruffled up the boys' hair, then turned towards the door, turned the light off and left the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He made sure that the front door of the hotel suite was locked, before heading into his own room.

As he laid there, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling that was barely visible in the dark room, his mind was racing. Was Claire really sleeping? How long would it take for Kate, Miles and the rest of them to get back to the states? How many more days would it take Richard to find a deserted island, and set it all up to look like him and Claire had been living there for three years?

Juliet crossed his mind too! Had he only been able to convince her that he had no feelings left for Kate, she'd still be alive right now. They wouldn't have helped Jack with his plan, and she would have never been pulled down there by them chains to die. The guilt of her dying, knowing he loved Kate, that's what was killing him inside. It was true, he couldn't deny it, but it shouldn't have been the last thing on Juliet's mind, before she died, knowing that she wasn't who he really wanted.

He jumped up in bed, when his door opened slowly, and Aaron came in.

"Hey, I said stay in bed."

"I want my mommy, but her door don't open."

"What? You tried to go in her room?" The kid nodded his head in response.

"Look, I told you your mom's not feeling good, so we have to leave her alone. Now go back to bed. And stay in your room."

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of monsters."

"Well, ain't we all?" He climbed out of bed, and picked Aaron up, looking around his room. He sighed, then said, "You wanna sleep in here?"

The kid nodded his head, hugging James' neck. "Yeah, I want to" came out way to cheery for someone supposed to be scared.

They both got comfortable in James' bed. When he turned the lamp on the nightstand off, he turned to Aaron and said, "Don't pee the bed."

"Okay." Aaron said, yawning with this mouth wide open, while closing his eyes.

"Okay." James closed his eyes, and thought to himself that it was probably saver to have him here anyways. God knows what would happen if he accidentally had climbed up in Claire's bed instead.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Three weeks later in L.A.

"We're not talking to the press." James looked up at the lady standing in front of him. He just wanted to get on with it, no press, no pictures. Just bring me to L.A., give me my money and let me go. He was also worried about Aaron saying something he shouldn't, like living in a hotel suite and such.

"And that's perfectly fine, that's completely your call, Mr. Ford." She looked at him, and Claire who was holding Aaron in her arms. He'd fallen asleep a while ago.

"Mrs. Littleton, some family members are waiting for you and your son Charlie already." The lady said with a smile on her face.

Claire just smiled up at her, while rubbing her hand over Aarons back in a soothing motion.

James just stared blankly out of the airplane window to his left. He knew there were no family members awaiting him. His parents dead, his uncle died from cancer, Cassidy sure wasn't going to show up with Clementine. There's nobody left for him here that would care that he survived a plane crash, two actually if you count the water landing with the Ajira plane. But that's alright, wouldn't be the first time that I'm on my own again. Some of us are just meant to be alone.

They landed in L.A., and Claire picked up Aaron, she couldn't wait to get off that little private jet, provided by Oceanic to bring them home. He followed right behind her, smiling when he saw Aaron's eyes pop open, when the L.A. sun hit his face. I'm gonna miss that kid, he thought, watching Claire walking right in front of him, with Aarons head resting on her shoulder looking up at him and smiling.

They were being brought into a private room in the airport. When the door opened in front of Claire, she saw her mom and her aunt standing there, crying for joy, pulling her in and hugging her, and Aaron of course too.

He walked right past the happy crowd, lost in his thoughts again, when he heard her voice.

"Hi" she said, looking at him from the other side of the room.

He was so happy to see her, but you wouldn't been able to tell from the look on his face. He still looked sad. He stared at her, didn't understand what she was doing here. This was not part of the plan.

But none the less, he waved his hand, almost shy, "Hi yourself".

She started walking towards him and said, "I'm Kate. I also survived that same flight. Oceanic 815."

He didn't say anything, just looked at her as she came towards him.

She continued, "When I got off that plane that brought me home, there was nobody there to greet me. So … (she paused for a moment, putting a stray curl behind her ear, looking to her feet, then up at him again) so I convinced them to let me in here, just to welcome other survivors home. So welcome home, James Ford."

She stood right in front of him now, looked up at him. So close, but still not close enough. Now he smiled, he simply couldn't help himself.

"Thank you, Kate! Do I get a hug too?" He asked.

"Sure" she said. And they hugged, maybe a little too long for someone that just met a few moments ago.

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**End Notes:**

Please leave a review if you can. Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4 She held my hand

**Author's Notes:**

This Chapter starts out with a flashback to Aaron Austen's funeral. Then we jump six and a half months ahead in time. Thank you for still reading.

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Flashback - Almost three weeks earlier in L.A.

She was dressed in all black. In a knee length dress – conservative – from her 'Jack days'. Her hair was curly, just falling down, framing her face.

It was a rather warm and sunny day for late January. In movies funerals always seemed to be accompanied by rain. That never happened on the island, and wouldn't happen today in L.A. either. There was not a raincloud in sight; instead the sun was burning high.

Her eyes were red from crying, and considering everything that happened over the last week, the tears weren't faked at all. Cassidy knew the truth. She was the only one there to support her right now.

"I want no press here, nobody allowed in, especially not my mother." Her voice was stern.

"Of course, Ms. Austen. And just let me tell you again how sorry we are for your loss."

After the private ceremony, the small, yet empty casket was lowered slowly into the ground. And by the look on Kate's face, you would have thought Aaron was actually really in that casket. This was her moment of letting go, letting go of something she didn't want to let go off.

Cassidy cried too. She didn't understand half of what Kate had told her over the last two days, but this right now, this pain all over her friends face, it was as real as real can be.

When they arrived back at Kate's house, Cassidy and she just sat there in the living room. She was curled up on the sofa, wrapped up in a blanket more for comfort then for warmth.

Cassidy simply sat with her, not saying anything, no need for words … or maybe it was the loss for words that kept her quiet for once. All of a sudden the door bell rang and Cassidy looked up at Kate.

"Don't get it. It's probably just another reporter again." Kate said, her voice void of all emotions.

But when the doorbell rang again, Cassidy got up, "I'll send them away. I'll be right back."

A few moments later, Cassidy walked back in and looked at Kate.

But before Cassidy could explain, Kate had asked instead, "What?" when she noticed the expression on Cassidy's face.

"It's a man, in an Army uniform; he says he's your dad. Do you want me to let him in? Do you wanna see him?"

Kate jumped up, wiped at tears on her face and stood there in place for a moment, not really sure what she wanted to do now. She hadn't seen him in years, and she'd thought she'd never see him again.

After a moment of hesitation she finally looked back at Cassidy. "It's okay, Cass, you can let him in."

Her dad walked into the living room, all dressed up in his army greens, but when his eyes fell onto the heartbroken face of his daughter all he could muster to say was, "Hi Katie."

"Hi dad." She said softly, still not really knowing what to do.

Finally her dad just walked towards her and hugged his daughter tightly, and she sobbed unabashed against his shoulder.

"I saw it on the news, took the first flight out. They wouldn't let me attend the service. I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm so sorry I never came to see you and never got to meet my grandson." Tears were now falling from his face too as he held his daughter tightly in his arms for the first time in years.

Cassidy quietly left the room and gave them some privacy.

Her dad ended up staying for a few days. Kate was happy to have him there, at least she had somebody back in her life that loved her, she thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Six and a half months later – 42nd Panorama Crest, L.A. (at Kate's old house)

He walked up the stairs probably way faster then he should have. Claire had just told him the news, and running up here like this sure seemed too obvious, but he didn't care. He stopped when he reached the top of the stairs.

_Don't walk in there like this, we're just friends, nothing more. _

He slowly walked over to her bedroom and casually leaned against the doorframe of her open door.

_Cool as a cat, 'cause we're just friends! _

She didn't notice him standing there right away until he made himself noticeable to her, "Knock, knock."

His voice behind her startled her and made her jump. "Hey, didn't hear you come in, James. You just got here?"

"Yep, just now, Claire said you were packing, had to come see for myself. So you're really doing this, Freckles?"

"Doing what?"

"Moving on! Vacating the premises! You know what I'm talking about. Don't put on a show for me." He tried to meet her eyes, but she stared at the suitcase in front of her instead.

"Are you here to talk me out of it?" She finally looked up at him.

"What?" he looked surprised. "Why would I talk you out of it? I think Claire's ready; I think she's been ready to take care of him on her own. I'm not worried about them, I'm worried about you. Are you ready to do this?" He looked at her sympathetic. Then walked in all the way and closed the door behind him and leaned against the closed door instead.

_Keep your distance, man, this could go bad real quick! Can't get too close to her, not when she's so vulnerable, and let's face it, so am I._

She stopped packing, and sat down next to her suitcase on the bed, and faced him. "I don't think I am. But to be honest, I don't think I'll ever be ready to give my baby away like that. I just have to, ready or not. I can't live here forever, it just …" Kate paused and looked around the room for a long moment, "… This house reminds me of so much. And this is what Aaron remembers, so Claire should live here with him. And I know you're thinking this is about Jack, but it isn't. Jack really hadn't lived here for very long. This is just about me needing a change." She looked up at him, pain written all over her face.

He really didn't know what to say, he tried his best to say the right thing. "Good for you, Freckles."

He smiled at her and hoped that she wouldn't start crying. If she did he'd have to console her, and the last time that happened, something else almost happened too.

She smiled back at him, and started packing again. But as she was walking back and forth between her closet and her suitcase, he suddenly realized what she was doing. Realizing that there weren't any moving boxes anywhere.

"So why are you packing a suitcase, instead of a moving box?" He had a bad feeling in his stomach all of a sudden.

"Well, I'm going to stay with a friend for a while, you know. Like I said, I need a change."

"What friend, and for how long?"  
><em>Where the fuck is she going?<em>

"I can't tell you what friend, James. That's kinda the point, you know, trying to get away for a while. But it's just one month, not very long. I just need a break from LA, but I'm coming back. I bought the house a block from here. You know the one that was for sale –"

No longer in the mood for small talk James interrupted her then, "Yeah, yeah, I know which one you're talking about. What I wanna know is why the fuck you're doing this, Kate? Why can't you tell me where you're going? Why now?" He felt like his nightmare was coming true, right in front of him and he could neither stop it or wake up.

"What do you mean? I just told you?" She looked at him confused. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Yeah, I heard you just fine, but why do you have to put god knows how many states between us?"

"What? What are you talking about?" She knew what he was talking about, but she felt the need to pretend. She wasn't ready for where this conversation was heading.

"I'm talking about you and me, Freckles. And what almost happened two weeks ago!" He stood up straight now and walked towards her.

"Don't" She backed away and he stopped where he was.

"It's not like that." She shook her head. "I just need a breather, a few weeks to clear my mind, so I can move on from Aaron, this house, and everything that happened on that damn island. What happened two weeks ago, you know, you and me, it was nothing, really. We were both drunk, we were both hurt." She looked at him. "I'm not putting states between us, James, I'm still on probation, remember? I'm not leaving California, I'm just leaving town for one month, that's it."

"Yes, we were drunk, but we both know that the _nothing_ happened the morning after, can't really blame that on the liquor, Sweetheart. And if it was all nothing then I'd like to know why you're running again, even though nothing happened." Something happened, he thought, more than enough happened.

"I'm not running, I told you. I'm just taking four weeks off, to be by myself. Is that so hard to understand, really?"

"Yes, actually it is. I can see you going to San Francisco for a weekend, or maybe even a week. I can see you driving down to Vegas, gambling some of that hard earned money from Oceanic away. But one month, really? And you won't even tell me where you're going?"

He was pacing back and forth now, and then started yelling, "You're scared, just admit it. You're scared of what might happen when you move into your own place, and…" He stopped, couldn't finish the sentence. Rubbing both his hands over his face, as if he was trying to wash away everything he just blurted out, and everything he wanted to say, but couldn't. Not yet.

"And what, James? You started this conversation, now finish it too!" She was yelling now too, furious that he would do this to her now, on this day, the day she was packing to leave Aaron with Claire.

"You know what!" He stopped pacing and looked at her. His eyes no longer furious, more pathetic the way he looked at her.

"Why are you doing this? This day is already so hard." She started sobbing now, tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm not running from us. I don't even know if there is an us to run from." She couldn't look at him. "I just need some time to think. I think we both do." She met his eyes.

He stood there and stared at her, and not for the first time he wondered why she is the way she is. What made her this way, unable to trust and unable to let anyone get closer before she pushed them away!

"Maybe you're right." He said cool, collected all of a sudden. No emotions. His voice just cold. He opened the door and without looking back said, "I guess I'll see you around."

She wanted to yell after him, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead she closed the door to her room, sunk to the floor right there against the door and cried.

_Today out of all days? Did he have to do this to me? _

She already felt miserable enough leaving Aaron and Claire, without his hurt feelings hovering over her like a dark and rainy cloud!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night – same place – around 2am

The door bell rang repeatedly, again and again. Whoever was at the door was gonna get a piece of her mind. Aaron was asleep and she had already been sleeping too.

Claire opened the door, ready to shout at whoever was standing there, but bit her tongue when she saw James leaning against the house. He was drunk, very drunk in fact.

"Sawyer? What the hell happened?" Claire stepped outside, to see if his car was parked in the drive, but instead saw a cab driving away in the distance. At least he was smart enough not to drive while he was wasted.

"Where is she?" He asked, not even able to stand on his own, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes.

Claire looked up at him. "Kate? She left hours ago, right after Aaron went to bed, around eight."

She grabbed his left arm, swung it around her shoulder and tried to help James get in the house. She managed to help him all the way to the couch. While she tried to get him to lie down, he fought her and struggled to sit up instead. Claire finally gave in and let him sit.

"What are you doing here, Sawyer? It's two in the morning. And why have you been drinking?"

"Where did she go?" He returned all her questions with a question of his own. Staring Claire down.

"She said not to tell you. I'm sorry." Claire felt sorry for him.

"Why is she doing this, Claire?" His speech slurred but desperate for answers.

"I don't know, that's between you and her. She wouldn't explain anything to me either; she just said she needed to clear her mind. And trust me; you wouldn't go after her anyways, if you knew where she was." Right after the words had left her mouth, she regretted it. Hoping actually that James was too drunk to put two and two together.

"What the hell's that 'spose to mean? I'd follow her anywhere, just like she'd always come back for me. That's what we do, we come back, every time." He looked at Claire searching her face for understanding. Which would have been a lot easier, if he didn't see two images of Claire move in front of him.

"Maybe you're right, maybe I should lay down." He said, and got into a lying position on the couch.

He closed his eyes, then he said, "She held my hand."

Claire looked at him, and smiled.

He opened his eyes again, lifted his head to look at Claire and then said it again, like it meant a lot to him, "She held my hand, on the island, when I was sad." He put his head back down, closed his eyes again.

"I believe you, Sawyer. But I really think you should try to get some sleep right now." He just nodded his head in response, eyes still closed.

Claire untied his shoes and took them off. Then grabbed the blanket from the lounge chair, and covered him up with it. It was painful to watch the way his head was angled on the armrest of the sofa. She took a pillow, tried to lift his head and upper body up enough to put the pillow under him, so he'd be more comfortable.

She whispered to him "There you go. That's better. Just get some rest, she'll be back in a month. It will all work out", and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

She sat down on the chair and watched him for a few minutes. He looked so hurt. She felt so sorry for him, and didn't understand why Kate did what she did. He was asleep now, stirring in his sleep, and out of nowhere he whispered, almost inaudible again,

"She held my hand."

Claire smiled and whispered back, "I know."

She turned all the lights back off, locked the front door and made her way upstairs. She sat there in bed, contemplating for a moment to call Kate and give her a piece of her mind. But she didn't, it was late, and she now had not just Aaron to take care of tomorrow, but apparently James too. So Claire went to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, James was already fast asleep. Dreaming of Kate and all the things he would've done different would she give him a second chance.


	5. Chapter 5 Nothing happened

**Author's Notes:**

This is a flashback to what happened between them two weeks ago. Both of them said it was NOTHING!

* * *

><p>Flashback - The so called 'nothing' that happened between Kate and Sawyer - Two weeks ago, L.A.<p>

He was watching tv in the apartment he was currently sharing with Miles.

He still hadn't gotten his settlement from Oceanic, but it should be any day now. As much as he liked Miles' company, he was ready to find a place on his own somewhere. He was sitting there with a cold beer in one hand and the remote control in the other hand, when he heard the front door unlock and slowly open.

"Miles? I thought you said you'd be gone for 2 days? He blurted out, not even tearing his eyes away from the tv screen, while he was flipping through the channels.

She walked into the living room, and asked "What are you doing here?"

"Freckles?" He looked up at her. "What are you doing here? How did you get in?" He looked surprised, cause she hardly ever came here. Then he noticed the red eyes, like she had been crying. Something was definitely wrong, he could tell.

She held up a key, so he could see it, then said "Miles said I could stay here for a few days, and that he'd be gone and you'd be gone too. He said I could have the place to myself. So why aren't you in Vegas with Frank?"

"Well, sugar, first off, I'm here because I live here, second there's been a change in plans and my little road trip with Frank got canceled." He turned the tv off. "Miles didn't say anything about you staying here?"

She still stood in the doorframe. "That's because I asked him not to."

"Well, come here and sit down, take a load off, freckles." He patted the empty seat on the sofa next to him, and smiled.

"No, it's okay, I didn't know you'd be here, didn't mean to interrupt whatever it is you're doing."

She turned around, as if she was actually leaving. He got off the couch and followed her into the hallway.

"Yeah, scram! You're totally innerupting my channel surfing right now. With you here I might actually have to stick with one show at a time." He tried to crack a joke, but it didn't do much for her.

She still opened the front door, about to walk out again. He grabbed the strap of the duffel bag that was slung over her shoulder, just to stop her from leaving.

"Hey, I'm kidding, you know that. My plans got ruined too, so why don't you stick around, and we keep each other company?" He didn't understand why she was almost cold towards him tonight.

He wondered what happened, because ever since he'd gotten back to L.A. with Claire, he'd pretty much spend every day with her, or them. Kate and him had been the inseparable twosome, just like the last couple of days they'd spend on the island. They were as close as you could be, without crossing that one fine line. Neither of them ready to make that last move between being just friends and possibly more.

"See, the point for me was that I wanted a day or two to myself, no company." Kate looked up at him.

"And why is that? Why are you in such a crappy mood?"

"I don't know, it's just one of those days, I guess."

"Oh, and you knew that one of those days would be today, when Miles and I are supposed to be gone?" He smiled, cause he knew she was telling him a load of bull. "And therefore making plans to mope all by yourself ahead of time? Com'on, just tell me what's up? How bad can it be?" He smiled again, hoping it would get her to crack a smile too.

She sighed, then came back in, and closed the door behind her, and said. "It's been six month today, since that pretend funeral of Aaron." She paused, cause she could feel her eyes fill up with tears, but she really didn't want to start crying. Not now, not here! "I couldn't stand to be around Claire and him today, just wanted a moment to myself." She looked at him, but her eyes were shifty, not being able to focus or maybe too afraid to focus on him, afraid tears might start spilling over.

He didn't see that coming, that funeral had actually never been discussed. "I'm so sorry, freckles. I didn't even know. You never said anything." He paused for a moment himself. "I knew you had that funeral and all, but I really didn't think it would affect you this much, to be honest. I mean the kid's still running around in your house, right this minute."

"I know I'm being stupid, I just can't help the way I feel right now, there's just been a lot of adjustments lately."

"Well, the offer stands, if you wanna stay, then stay. Unless you wanna rather go home now?"

"Okay, I stay, but I'm not good company, I'm warning you right now." They walked back into the living room, and she sat down on the couch with him.

He looked at her and said sarcastically, "Hell, freckles. Don't get to comfortable." He was referring to her still wearing her Jacket.

"It's cold in here, and I'm only wearing a white tank top underneath." She opened her leather Jacket, to show him.

"the A/C's on, feels good in here if you ask me. Anyway, what is it with you and those tank tops?"

She just shrugged her shoulders at him.

"I think I have just what you need tonight." He left the room, and walked towards the kitchen, coming back with two glasses and a big bottle of whiskey. He held the bottle up for her to see better,

"Huh? What do you think freckles? Can you hold your liquor? Cause this oughta warm you up real fast."

"I can try, I guess." And he actually had managed to get a little smile to form on her lips.

He poured both of them a full glass, and handed one to her. He raised his, waited for her to do the same, and said, "To Aaron Austen, little adorable pain in the ass." He chuckled, and took a big gulp!

She did too. The alcohol burned in her throat, more then she'd remembered. She made a face and he couldn't help but laugh at her expression. Even after just one swig from it, she could feel the warmth of the whiskey spread throughout her body. She took another big gulp. He watched her face, but this time she'd already gotten used to the pain.

"So, can you feel it yet?" He looked at her, raising his eyebrows, smiling mischievously at her. She smiled faintly and took her Jacket off and threw it over to the chair, and then took another drink.

"See, thought it might work, and you know, it's like two birds with one stone. Forgetting this day and getting you a little warm in the process", he smiled from ear to ear, as he refilled his and her glass again.

"So what are we watching?" She looked over at him.

"I can't find anything worth my time, maybe you got better luck. Here." He held the remote out to her, but then pulled it away again when she was about to grab it. He smiled and she rolled her eyes. "But remember, my place, so I get the last call, we ain't watching some chick flick or something like that." He gave her the remote.

She took it, starting to click her way through the channels, and said, "Last thing I heard, this was Miles' place, and he gave me the okay to be here by myself. Therefore leaving me in charge." She smiled broadly, looking over at him.

"Don't even think about it. I've watched too many shows like that with you and Claire over at your place. And granted, I was outnumbered, and it was your place. But here, the sides are even, one you and one me. So don't mistake my generosity for something else, sugar. If I want that remote back, I'll get it back." He looked at her, like he was just waiting for her to take that challenge.

She tried to ignore his eyes on her, just clicking away on that remote. They had gotten so quickly back to their old banter tonight that she'd almost forgot why she came here in the first place. She was sad, wanted to be alone, and now, he's sitting right there, trying his best to get her mind of things.

"Alright, there's really nothing on." She handed him the remote back.

He took it back, with a surprised look, "Girl, you really are in a bad mood, aren't you? No comeback, no retaliation on your part. I have to say, I'm disappointed. Here I thought I'd get to tackle you for the remote, and you just give it up, just like that. You're too easy."

"I'm anything but easy." She looked back at him now, leaning against the back of the couch with her arms folded in front of her. The way her arms were pressing underneath her chest, made her cleavage more noticeable. He couldn't help it, his eyes were drawn to it, even though he'd actually meant to look at her face when she had said that. "And by the way, I'm up here." She smirked, pointing towards her face.

He met her eyes, smirked too. "Sure you are."

"Sure I am what?" She didn't understand what he meant by that now.

"Sure you are up there." He smirked at her again. She just shook her head at him, and looked towards the tv.

"I think you might need another drink to warm up some more, or wear a darn sweater if you don't like the damn A/C, then this wouldn't even be an issue."

"Yeah, right, because me wearing a sweater, would stop you from checking me out."

He was flipping through the channels again, and acted all innocent, "You're putting words in my mouth now, I didn't say nothing to that effect. You're a pretty lady, and I'm still a guy. I'm always gonna check you out. I was talking about something else."

"What else?"

He glanced at her chest again, then met her eyes, and looked away, still smiling, "Like I just said, maybe you need another drink, sweetheart. To warm you up again."

She looked down, and that's when she realized what he was talking about. She was wearing a bra, but still her nipples were clearly showing through her tank top. Embarrassed now she covered herself up. He was chuckling now at her expense.

"No reason to be embarrassed, ain't nothing I haven't seen before … or touched." He knew he shouldn't have said that, he forced himself now to look at the tv screen. Don't do it, don't look at her!

"You know you're a pervert." She slapped him on his left shoulder.

"Hey, easy now. Why am I the pervert? You're nipping out, and I just pointed out the obvious. That's that. Don't get mad at me now, cause you're not dressed right for the season, sugar."

She got up, he watched her, wondering if she was mad now. She put her Jacket back on and sat back down again. To his relief, cause he didn't want her to leave. Ever.

Neither of them spoke.

He got up and walked out without saying anything.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Hold on." He yelled from his room, then moments later he walked back in with a cardboard box under one arm and held out a sweatshirt to her with his other hand. "It's clean."

"Thank you, James." She took her Jacket back off and pulled his sweatshirt over her head.

"Welcome." He said nonchalant. He put the box on the coffee table in front of him. It was a box full of dvds.

"I'm sure there's something in here we haven't watched yet." He said, as he was digging through the dvd cases. She leaned in closer to him, to see what the selection was. He looked at one case after another, the ones that looked interesting; he turned over and read what it said on the back. One was a porno, he didn't turn it over though, just put it right back in the box.

"We're not watching that, Sawyer." She said immediately.

"Hadn't even crossed my mind, sugar."

He held one out to her, "What do ya' think, freckles?"

"We own the night." She read the title out loud.

"Miles just bought it last week, It's brand new, haven't gotten around to watch it yet."

"Sounds good."

He got up, went over to the entertainment center, squatted in front of the dvd player, putting that dvd in.

She watched him from the couch. The way his butt was filling out those jeans, when he squatted like that. She could see it even though his shirt was partially covering the view. She just couldn't find anything wrong with his appearance. Even way back then, in the jungle, all dirty, he was just so damn sexy. Although he thought he was sexy, when he walked out of the beach that time, naked but clean.

And now, still with that long dirty-blond hair, all clean shaven face, nice pair of jeans, long sleeve blue button down shirt. His eyes normally had a little green tint to them, but tonight they seem to have adopted the ocean blue color of his shirt. Why did he have to be so heartbroken and so good looking at the same time?

She was convinced that he was far from being over Juliet, although he put on a very convincing show sometime. Every time the possibility of them getting back together crossed her mind, she remembered the ring, and that he would have proposed to Juliet, had she not died. The guilt over Juliet's death was still hanging over her, haunting her. She should have kept her distance, she had tried, but that was always easier said than done, when it came to Sawyer and her.

She sighed and took another drink from her whiskey. He definitely was making her nervous tonight. Maybe it was the fact that they were completely alone. At her house, where they normally hung out, there was always the chance of someone busting through that door.

But tonight, Miles wasn't coming home and Claire thought she was at Cassidy's in Palm Springs for the weekend. She'd lied, didn't want to admit to Claire that she still had such a hard time with all of this, so she pretended to just go and visit Cass.

He stood up again, grabbed the dvd remote, then walked out, turned all the lights off everywhere in the apartment, and finally sat down beside her again.

After the previews, the movie starts out with a sex scene. Eva Mendez is lying on a couch masturbating, when her boyfriend portrait by Joaquin Phoenix walks over to her and helps her along. The seat wouldn't have had any effect on her whatsoever, had he not been sitting just inches away from her right now. She could feel the longing for him building up inside of her. The scene didn't even last 2 minutes, but it seemed like forever.

Sawyer can't help but smile, when he notices Kate shifting in her seat. When the sex scene is over, he looked over at her and grinned, "Picked a hell of a movie, freckles, when it starts out like this. This oughta be good."

Still smiling, he filled his empty glass up again, but before he put the whiskey bottle back on the table, she held her glass up to him, also wanting a refill.

"You might want to slow down there, freckles. Wouldn't want me to take advantage of you."

"You wouldn't dare either way." Her voice was already slurring a little. She started drinking again. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, sitting there, relaxed leaning comfortably back, whiskey in his right hand.

His left resting next to her on the couch, just inches away from her thigh. She stared at his hand for a moment. Then she finished her whole glass off at once. She felt the heat again, all over. Maybe he was right, maybe she should slow down on the liquor a little bit, cause she definitely started to feel the effect the alcohol was having on her. Or maybe it wasn't the alcohol, maybe it was him that had this effect on her.

She tried to watch the movie, but somehow the plot of the story went right over her head. Whenever something happened, he'd turn to her, to see her reaction. She pretended, mimicking his reaction … she had no clue what the hell was going on in that movie. God, he was gorgeous. How will I ever get over him. She could feel herself blushing, her heart racing, her head was rushing.

She stood up, swaying now. He saw it, got up and steadied her just in time, before she'd have fallen over. Steadied her by holding onto her waist, with both his hands. Gripping her tight.

"Are you drunk already, freckles?" He tried not to laugh at her.

"I dunno." Was all she brought out. She could feel his hand on her skin, where his shirt that she was wearing was riding up and had exposed just a little bit of her back.

"What do you want? What did you get up for?"

What do I want? I want you Sawyer.

"A pillow."

"Sit back down, baby. I get you a pillow. Hold on." She was lying down on the couch, and he went and got her one of his pillows from his bedroom, and a blanket too.

The movie was still playing, she tried to watch it at least while he'd left the room. It seemed like the moment he'd left, she was able to focus on something other than him. But it only lasted a moment.

He helped her sit up, and then put the pillow down, so she could rest her head on it. The fact that the pillow smelled like him, didn't help the situation. She reached behind herself, undoing the bun in her hair. She was more comfortable like this.

He sat down on the corner of the wooden coffee table, and started to untie her shoes, taking them off for her. He put the blanket over her, looking at her. She had her eyes open, seemed like she was watching the movie after all. He sat back down all the way on the other end of the couch. He pulled her feet onto his lap, and rubbed them. Her feet were cold, it surprised him a little, considering he'd just now taken her shoes off. He rubbed them, almost unaware of it while he watched the rest of the movie. Trying to catch on, since he'd missed a few scenes now.

Out of nowhere she said, "Thank you." He looked at her, she met his glance, "You're welcome, but I do have to cut you off now. No more whiskey for you, sugar." She just nodded. He smiled, looking back at the screen.

She's so damn beautiful. And the worst part is that she doesn't even know it. She seems utterly unaware of the effect she has on me. Just laying there, even with the blanket pulled up all the way to her chin now. Nothing to see, but her face and those curls just seem to fall perfectly without her even trying. He sighed, rubbing her feet some more, trying to convince himself to focus on the movie instead.

He let go off her feet, and leaned forward, trying to pour himself another glass, but got distracted. He looked over at her, she was out. Eyes closed, no doubt. He stared at her, didn't get the chance to stare at her like this very often. Not without her telling him, 'quit staring at me'. They didn't end up at the same place while sleeping, usually. But then again, tonight was very unusual. She wouldn't know if he looked at her just a little too long, she's fast asleep. His mind drifted to the possibility of her and him together. But as soon as he thought of them as more than just friends, guilt kept creeping in again.

He couldn't get that last conversation with Jack and Juliet out of his mind.  
>"A man does what he does, cause he wants something for himself. What do you want Jack?"<br>"I had her! I had her and then I lost her."  
>" Kate? Well damn doc, she's standing right on the other side of those trees, you want her back, just go and ask her."<br>"Nah, it's too late for that. You're five minutes are up."  
>"Jack, if what you're doing even works. You and Kate will be strangers, and she'll be in damn handcuffs."<br>"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

At that time he had made up his mind to stay with Jules, even though he couldn't stop thinking about the notion that Kate might had actually come back for him. He was a great con man, always good in pretending to love someone, but apparently not so good in pretending that he didn't love Kate!  
>"I need you to tell me where all this is coming from. I mean, one minute you're leading the great sub escape, and now you're on board with blowing up the damn island? I got a right to know why you changed your mind."<br>"I changed my mind when I saw you look at her. Don't, don't, don't" She looked so hurt.  
>"I don't care who I looked at. I'm with you."<br>"And you would stay with me forever, if I'd let you. And that is why I will always love you. You know what we had was just for a little while, and just because we love each other, doesn't mean we're meant to be together. Maybe we were never supposed to be together. So if Jack can make it so that none of you ever come here, than he should."  
>"Why are you doing this Juliet?"<br>"If I never meet you, then I'll never have to lose you."  
>Maybe she was right, he thought. He was at a loss for words in that moment, because he couldn't promise her that him and her would end up together forever. Juliet could see right through him, right through his act of 'I'm with you', when in reality, in his mind, he'd already pictured himself with Kate again. That's why he owed it to Jules, to go along with Jacks idiotic plan to blow up the damn thing.<p>

He sighed, and just grabbed the bottle now and put it to his lip. The movie was over. He turned the dvd player off and changed the tv back to a normal channel. Again flipping through them, when he stopped as he saw something familiar on the screen. An ocean, an island, Tom Hanks. He put the remote down, and watched the movie, sipping away at the bottle at the same time.

She started to wake up, her head was hurting. She blinked, but decided to keep her eyes closed for a little longer. Slowly she realized that she was in his arms. She opened her eyes. She had to blink a few times. The sunlight was shining in bright through the little gaps in the blinds from the window.

His upper body was naked. Her head was resting on his right shoulder, her right hand over his heart. She could feel his right arm wrapped around her, and literally wedged between her butt and the couch behind her. His left hand was gripping her waist. She wasn't wearing his sweatshirt anymore, just her tank top again.

She was afraid to move, didn't want to wake him up, not ready to face this situation. Or was it that she didn't want this situation to end? Her head was spinning and hurting, trying to remember if anything happened between them last night. She was still dressed, he was shirtless. Don't know what that meant. He felt so good, his skin so good against her face and her hand.

She could feel his heart beating right under the palm of her hand. She closed her eyes again, decided to just lay here, she had decided that she didn't want this moment to end. Prolonging it as much as possible, pretending to still be sleeping. Breathing him in. She nudged his jaw line with her nose, realizing that he wasn't that clean shaven anymore. Those stubbles were coming back in. She wanted to kiss him, but knew better. She lost track of time, might have even fallen back asleep, when he started stirring a little.

He moved his head just a little bit to the right, when he felt her hair on his cheek. His eyes shot open, staring straight up. His eyes stung from the bright sun coming through the window. He blinked to adjust to it. Then he was just laying there, when he realized she was partially on top of him, wrapped in his arms.

Where was his shirt? Her hand and fingers spread out across his chest, his heart actually. He swallowed. That brings new meaning that she has my heart in her hand, he thought. He deliberated in his mind what to do. Should he try to get up? He was nervous, or unsure would be a better word. But didn't really want to get out from under her. This was heaven, as long as she was still sleeping. Once she wakes up, he was worried what might happen. Wondered if she'd be embarrassed and storm out.

He swallowed again. Wondering if she'd notice, that his heart beat started to pick up. He remembered something. He remembered her laying there, so damn cute last night. She told him to stay on the couch with her last night. And even though he'd been drinking too, he wasn't that drunk. He was well aware that when she asked, that she probably wouldn't remember a thing about it in the morning. So I guess she was wrong about me. I did dare to take advantage of her after all. Well, at least to hold her in my arms for one night. He could have done worse. He smiled. For a brief moment he wished he would have done more than just hold her. He could have always blamed it on the alcohol. She was really drunk. Oh god, Miles was so right, he was pathetic when it came to Kate. Here she is, skin on skin … well, partial skin, and he was worried that she'd wake up.

She started to move, he could feel her hot breath on his skin.

Was that a kiss? Did she just kiss my neck?

She moved her hand on his chest, like she was trying to get out of his arms. He let go of her waist, slit his other hand from her butt up to her lower back. He lifted his head, tried to look at her. She looked up at him, almost hovering over him.

Say something, freckles. Come on.

Their eyes were locked to each other, and before they knew what they were doing, they kissed. Slow, deep, tongues lightly playing with each other. He grabbed a hold of her tiny body, and flipped her over. He was on top. He kissed her neck, working his way down, but then kissed her lips again. Bodies pressing into each other. His hand disappearing in her hair, pulling her face closer, he didn't want her to pull away from the kiss.

Sighs, moans, it had been so long. 4 years since he had last kissed her on that helicopter. His left hand snaked under her shirt, caressing her side, slow and playfully. He didn't want her to tell him to stop, so he tried really hard not to go too far. Although he wanted all of her right this instant.

Touch and kiss, let's focus on that for right now. All that mattered right now was that she was still kissing me, her hands rubbing over my bare chest. It felt so good to feel her touch me, to know she wanted to touch me, like I want to touch her. She was radiating heat, it was intoxicating.

This wasn't just him, she wanted it too. He was sure. He tried to undue her pants with one hand. She tried to break free from the kiss. Shit, he went too far, she wasn't ready for that yet.

"Sawyer, wait, hold on. Please?"

He stopped kissing her, his hands resting on her. "What? Are you okay?" He looked her in the eye.

"I can't. I'm sorry. We have to stop." She looked up at him, pain in her eyes.

"Um, okay, that's okay. Look we don't have to do anything you don't want to, baby." He leaned in again to kiss her, she let him, but only for a moment.

She pulled away from the kiss, "Please, Sawyer, I need to go. I really have to go."

He sat up, got off of her, but looked at her, running his hand through his own hair now.

She sat up, looking over at him. "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you. I made a mistake."

She shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have started something she wasn't ready to finish yet. He was clueless what he was getting into with her, she can't do that to him. He deserves better than this. More than this. Someone that will stay with him, forever. And sadly, right now, she wasn't sure she could be that person for him, however for totally different reasons then before. She pulled her shoes on.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up, freckles. Guess I should have seen that coming, knowing our history."

She didn't say anything, she just put her Jacket on.

He picked his blue shirt up off the floor, put it on and started buttoning it. Staring down at his buttons, avoiding eye contact with her.

He said "Your green eyes go to my head, girl, every damn time. I lose control and then." He sighed. "Here I go again, falling for you even though I know you're only playing with my heart. But I guess a night or two of loving you is better than never at all. And I can't help myself."

She looked at him, pain and hurt reflecting in her eyes, "Is that what you think of me? Really?"

"You have commitment issues, I get it. It's fine. The kiss was definitely worth it." He was arrogant, trying to mask his own hurt feeling of being rejected by her again.

"Sure, Sawyer. Tell me about commitment issues? I'm sorry that I ain't Juliet, I wasn't worth changing for. I was just good enough for sex. I see nothing's changed after all." With that she practically ran out of the apartment. Tears streaming down her face, but she ran, as fast as she could. Couldn't stand the thought that he would maybe catch up with her and see her crying.

How dare she bring Juliet into this. She was nothing like her. Don't compare yourself to her. And as soon as he had finished processing that thought in his mind, his mind went to her and Jack again.

How can you be jealous of a dead man? He thought to himself. How the hell did Jack end up living with her? Proposing to her?

Even now, with Jack out of the picture, he still wasn't good enough for her to settle down with. He could feel the anger build up inside of him. He sighed again. Good that she was already gone, or he would have kicked her out.


	6. Chapter 6 Sawyer and Claire

**Author's Notes:**

This Chapter was pretty hard to write, cause it was hard to write Sawyer as someone that opens up this easily. By convincing Claire that she could be a good mom, he was also trying to convince himself that he could be a dad for Clementine. Either way, I hope you can see how or why Claire and him managed to get so close, over just 3 weeks. Please rate and review.

* * *

><p>He opened his eyes, and Aarons face was literally inches away from his.<p>

"Hi Uncle Sawyer"

He moaned in pain, "Hi yourself."

He tried to sit up, it took him a few attempts. Then he sat there, holding his forehead, obviously in pain.

Aaron yelled, "Mommy, he's not sleeping."

That yell was just a little too loud for Sawyers comfort.

Claire walked in, "I'm sorry, did he wake you up?" Looking at Sawyer, but he didn't answer.

"Aaron, go play in your room for a little bit, Uncle Sawyer and I have to talk."

"Oh, please don't, I don't feel like talking." My head feels like it's about to explode, he thought.

Aaron left, and Claire sat down beside him, looking over at him.

"You look like hell."

"I feel like it too." He looked over at her. "How did I get here?"

"You took a cab. You don't remember anything about last night?"

"Apparently not." He said sarcastically, almost a little afraid of what he might have done or said.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened between you and Kate yesterday?"

"We had a fight."

"I know that. She was pretty upset, after you had stormed out, but she didn't tell me what it was about. And then you show up here at 2 am, talking something about holding hands with her on the island, and wanting to know where she is. So, what really happened, Sawyer?"

She looked him right in the eye, and he knew right then and there, that he wasn't going to get away with some bullshit answer.

Claire and him had gotten pretty close during their 3 week stay together. It was just the two of them, with Aaron. His job was to take care of Aaron, he had promised Kate that he would. In his eyes, part of that meant to get Claire to reconnect with the kid, who now thought of her as his mother.

It wasn't an easy task. But he had managed to convince her that she could be a good mother to Aaron, helping her to become her old self again. He did that by revealing flaws in his own character to her, trying to get her to see that she can overcome her flaws as well.

By opening up to Claire about some of the things he had done, she was able to open up to Aaron. Try to be her old self again, and forgive herself for all the horrible things she had to do to survive on her own in the jungle for 3 years. He'd helped her so much, she was forever grateful.

And when he told her about his relationship with Juliet, and what had happened to her, she was surprised to say the least that he had ended up with Juliet. But either way, it was nice to talk to someone and that had helped him a lot in return with the whole Juliet issue. She could relate about losing someone, who died to save you, considering what had happened to Charlie.

So because of all that, Sawyer and Claire had become friends, probably just as close as him and Kate or even Miles. But it was a different kind of closeness, one they also kinda kept to themselves. Neither Miles nor Kate realized how openly Sawyer could talk to Claire and the other way around. She was definitely someone that could see past his facade, and get to the point of things, if she wanted too. But they had an agreement, whatever was spoken, stayed between the two of them.

He sighed, "When I realized that she was packing a suitcase, I confronted her about what happened 2 weeks ago. I accused her of running from us."

"And?" Claire's eyes were fixated on his face.

"And she said that there wasn't an us to even run from." He looked hurt.

"You know she probably didn't mean it. So, did you apologize for what you had said 2 weeks ago?"

"No, why would I apologize?" He looked at her with a shocked expression on his face.

"Because you said some really nasty things to her? About her playing with your heart, and all that. Then both of you don't talk for a week, then act like nothing happened, then you come over here and the next thing I know you storm out of here as if the roof is on fire. That's why?"

"Who's side are you even on? She hangs around me, she flirts, but then runs every time we get closer. That's not her playing with my heart, then what is?"

"First off, you hang around her. You've been coming over here almost every day, since we've been back, so that goes both ways, Sawyer. Second, the running was on the island, that was years ago.

And let's face it, as much as I appreciated the fact that you went with Locke's camp on that day, but you left her, knowing that she might be pregnant with your child. And trust me, that's a shitty feeling that I can relate too. You do remember me telling you about Aarons dad, don't you? So, don't tell me she's the only one that runs. You've done your share of trying to alienate her more than once."

She was right.

"Okay, but still, she did it again. She acts like she wants it, but then says it's a mistake, it's nothing, there is no us, and runs. That's not just all in my head, it's not in the past, it's happening right now. The only exception is that back then, she'd run to Jack, now she won't even tell me where she's running to."

"Has it ever occurred to you that she doesn't want to get any closer right now for a reason? I mean, it's been barely 8 month since Juliet died, so maybe it's too early to be more than friends right now."

"And Jack died too." He felt the need to add him to the equation.

"Yes, but Jack and her were broken up, you and Juliet on the other hand would have been married, so there's a big difference." She gave him a knowing look.

"So you're saying that she is doing this because of Juliet and me, and that it has nothing to do with Jack? And I'm supposed to believe that?" He rolled his eyes at her.

"I'm not saying that she doesn't care about Jack, I know she does. I know she has struggled with it, she told me so herself. But the fact of the matter remains. Her and Jack had a fighting chance that they both blew, when Jack and her realized that a promise to you …" She stopped, when she realized she was about to say something to Sawyer that she didn't know if Kate wanted him to know.

"A promise to me what?"

"Doesn't matter. But either way, they both blew it. And then he chooses the island over her. And yes, it's debatable if his reasons were valid, it all depends on who you ask, but in her eyes, he chose to stay. And in my opinion, he stayed probably because he knew you and her would end up together anyways. He really had nothing left to lose, he'd already lost her."

"I hate to break it to you, goldilocks, but you weren't there when she told him she loved him. It didn't look to me like nothing. It looked like she meant it."

"And she probably did. Just like you meant it, when you said you would have stayed with Juliet. You loved her, didn't you? Which brings me back to my original point. I think she might be doing this, because she thinks that you aren't over Juliet yet. So are you?"

He looked at her, took in a deep breath, then a huff, looked down at the carpet on the floor in front of him, "I don't know. I think about her a lot, but I've already told you that. It's just …" He stopped.

"It's just what?" Claire wasn't gonna let up now, when she felt so close to finally figure Sawyer out.

"It's just even shortly after Juliet had died, I thought that Kate and I might end up together." There, it was out. His soul exposed to Claire. I am a horrible person, and you should know that.

Claire just looked at him. Wowed by his openness. Speechless. She reached for his hand and squeezed it.

"I mean, not immediately of course. It's just after she'd told me why she wanted to help Jack, it was clear that she knew how I felt about Kate. Then everything happened so fast. And she was gone, just gone.

Next thing I know I wake up at the temple, Kate hovering above me, cleaning my wound. I felt so much for her. Felt like I did that time I woke up in the hatch, with her right there. And this was literally hours after Juliet had died in my arms. What kinda person would do that?" He looked at Claire for answers.

She was still holding his hand. "I guess the kind of person that was in love with two people at the same time."

"But then I got mad at myself for feeling that way. We were being held captive at the temple. Now it was my turn to run. I looked right at her, said don't come after me. I didn't know if she would. I didn't know if I wanted her too, maybe secretly I did want her too. And sure enough, she had followed me and showed up in Dharmaville. Did she ever tell you 'bout that?" He looked over at Claire, wondering if and what Kate had said about it.

"No, she didn't. What happened?"

He swallowed, "When I got back to the house, I felt like I was losing it. Trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened. My past with Kate. And Juliet and I. But now Juliet was gone. And even during my relationship with Juliet, I hoped that Kate would come back to the island. 3 years I've waited for her to come back. And now she had, she was here. Secretly thinking that she had come back for me."

He appreciated Claire just listening. He looked at her, and said, "The ring was meant for Kate. I wasn't going to propose to Juliet. Not that I had actually planed out to propose to Kate either, but regardless, I held on to it. I'd found it in one of the Dharma houses, when we lived there with Locke for a while."

He was still looking at Claire. Claire just nodded at him, suggesting she knew what he was talking about.

"I had it with me on the chopper, still had it when I made it back to the beach. So when we ended up in the seventies, and Juliet and I got together I hid it. Under the floorboard, underneath a heavy wooden dresser.

I didn't want Juliet to find it accidently and wonder if it was for her. I had hidden it where she'd never find it. And you know the ironic thing is, that the night before Kate made it back to the island, I saw the damage something like that can do first hand. When someone you love ends up finding something that belonged to your lost love. Wanted to spare Juliet from that, but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to just throw the damn ring out either.

Anyways, now Jules was gone. I moved the dresser, started ripping the floor open, and found the box that I had put there. I had the ring in my hand when I heard a noise. I pulled my gun, and sure enough it was Kate. She turned around to look at me, and when I saw her stand there, I couldn't believe how easily she got to me again with those eyes. Her just looking at me, it felt like she'd never left. And in my crazy mind, I thought that meant something. She'd followed me, stumbled onto me right as I held the ring in my hand that at one point I had kept for her.

I walked outside, she followed me. I was heartbroken, but if there was ever a moment of truth, this would be it. I was convinced she would tell me that she hd come back to the island for me, and I thought that maybe if she could admit to that, I could find a way to admit that I still loved her too. But instead she said that she'd come back for you."

He looked over at Claire. Claire had tears in her eyes by now. She couldn't believe he was telling her all of this. She squeezed his hand again, and said quietly, "I'm so sorry."

"So that's when I really lost it, couldn't keep it together anymore. I felt like I had betrayed Juliet for someone that didn't even want me, didn't even love me anymore.

I told her that it was my fault that Juliet died. Showed her the ring. Said that I was going to ask Jules to marry me. I also said that I think I was meant to be alone. Not meant to be with anybody. Threw the ring in the water right there in front of her. Then pretty much told her to leave. So she did. I had managed to lose both of them on the same day." He sighed, suddenly realizing that pounding headache he'd ignored for a while.

He pulled his hand out of Claires hand, rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

Claire just looked at him, she couldn't speak, too choked up by what she had just heard him explain. When she finally regained her composure she said,

"So, it sounds to me you're not quite over either one of them."

He still didn't say anything.

"Well, something must have changed your mind though about Kate, because when both of you were at Locke's camp, you were inseparable again. So how did that happen?"

"It was all because I saw her name crossed out on that wall in the cave. Made me realize that I had to at least try to protect her, get her of that damn island. Especially after I had failed so miserably in protecting Jules."

He sighed, couldn't believe he told Claire everything that he'd actually never said out loud to anyone. Who would have thought that the 'crazy woman' would end up being the shrink for the rest of them?

"Maybe it's a good thing that she left for a little while. It's really the first time that you are alone, without either one of them. You should take this as a chance to clear your mind, to really think things through. And maybe she's doing the same thing right now? But I know you mean a lot to her. I know she has feelings for you. She's been heartbroken too, by you and Jack. You both just need to grow up and say what you really feel for one another. Because after listening to everything you had to say. And after listening to Kate over the last couple month, it seems both of you are more likely to tell each other why you shouldn't be together, then why you should. Just throwing it out there."

He didn't say anything, didn't know what to say. Maybe Claire was right? Hell, who knows. Not like he could change anything anyways. Kate's gone, has to be without her, whether he wants to or not.

She looked up at the clock hanging on the wall. "It's almost lunch time. Why don't you go upstairs, you can take a shower in Kate's old room? Miles should be here any minute, I told him to bring you a change of clothes."

He finally looked up and over to her. And just said, "Okay, Dr. Phil! You don't happen to have an aspirin or something for a killer headache?"

"Sure, hold on, I get you something."

"Thank you." Was all he said, and when she looked in his eyes, she knew he wasn't talking about the aspirin.


	7. Chapter 7 New Voicemail

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you for still reading! And thanks for the ratings and reviews. I'm glad to hear that you guys like this story!

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><p>Same day - Palm Springs, CA<p>

She was lying on her back, starring at the ceiling above her, when her friend came in and sat down on the bed with her.

"Are you gonna mope around all day, Kate?" She looked at her friend, smiling, trying to get her to come out of bed.

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you could help me fix lunch, and then Clementine would just love to put make up on you." Both women smiled at each other.

"I don't know what I would've done without you, Cassidy. Thank you so much for letting me stay here."

Cassidy put her hand on Kates and said, "Of course, and you can stay here as long as you want. No matter what happens, I'm here for you. But I still think it's a mistake to leave Claire in the dark about all of this. She's your friend too. And Sawyer should know too. He's a big boy, he can handle it, I'm sure."

"So you think I should tell Sawyer the truth, but at the same time you tell me that you don't want him around Clementine. You do realize that that doesn't make any sense." Kate looked up at Cassidy.

Cassidy didn't get a chance to answer, because Kate continued before she could. "I really wish you could see that he isn't the same man anymore. He would not do anything to hurt Clementine. I just wish you would give him a chance to proof it."

Cassidy rolled her eyes at Kate. "You still love him, and I get that. But I don't, and I have to protect my child, can't you understand that?"

Kate sat up now and raised her voice, "Protect her from what? You haven't seen him with Aaron. I mean everything he did since we got off that damn island, was take care of Aaron and Claire. He's been amazing with both of them."

"If he's so amazing, then why are you hiding out here? Why won't you let him take care of you?"

"Don't try to change the subject, one has nothing to do with the other. I told you how heartbroken he was, probably still is about Juliet dying."

"But you think he still loves you too, isn't that what he said to you the other night?"

"Morning, it was in the morning." She corrected her friends recollection of events.

"Night, morning, whatever. Fact of the matter is that he said he was falling for you again, but he thinks that you don't care about him. So, you really think it's better for him to think you don't care, to think that you don't love him, instead of just telling him the truth."

"But what if I have this surgery, and then the tests come back and it's something bad. What then? I mean the first time around, it turned out to be nothing. I just don't think I'd be that lucky twice."

"Kate, you've survived 3 plane crashes. A crazy island. I can't even imagine the hell you've all been through, so I have no doubt that you're going to be just fine."

"But what if I'm not? What if it turns out to be cancer, like my mom had, and I'm going to die. Why would I get with him knowing that there is the possibility of hurting him like that? She died in his arms, Cassidy. I couldn't put him through that again."

"You do realize that you sound like a crazy person. Because normal people wanna be with the ones they love, and not push them away. He could meet some girl tomorrow, fall in love with her and then the next day she gets hit by a bus. Life is Life, you can't change what's going to happen, you just have to make the best of it."

"I'm trying to make the best of it. Claire and Aaron are perfect. Sawyer's doing great, other than our fight and you not letting him see Clem. Miles and Claire started dating a little while ago, and I think now that I moved out, he might move in. So, everything is working out great."

"Except that you pretend to not love him, breaking his heart that way and yours too. But you're right, Kate. Sounds like everything's perfect." The sarcasm in Cassiddys voice could not be missed by her friend.

"Who's side are you even on? Don't want him around Clem, but then lecture me about that I should be with him."

Cassidy let out a sigh, "You know I've talked to him on the phone, and I've decided that maybe I arrange some kind of meeting with him. But just me and him, not Clem. Because …" (Kate interrupts her)

"You didn't tell me about that. Why didn't you say anything? What made you change your mind?"

"I changed my mind when Clementine asked me the other day if she has a daddy too, like the other kids do. Up until that point I was convinced that she wouldn't miss what she didn't remember. Never even knew. And I didn't tell you, because I haven't told him yet. And now with you being here, I have to wait anyways, since he's not supposed to know you're here."

"So what, now you're trying to make me feel bad, that he can't see you or Clem, because I'm hiding out here?"

"No, that's not what I meant. Look, it doesn't matter. The last thing I wanna do is fight with you. I think you're going to be just fine. And I think that you're putting yourself through more misery because you won't tell Sawyer or Claire. That's it, but it's all your call. Now get up, and make yourself useful, since you're not paying any rent." With that Cassidy pulled Kate out of bed.

-  
>3 weeks later – Claire's house, L.A.<p>

Miles walked in the front door, walking straight into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey there Jim, I guess I should have known I'd find you here. I just tried to call you, but your voicemail picked up instead. I have to say interesting outgoing message you've got there." Miles smiled at him.

"Well, I guess I took your girlfriends advice, and decided to say what I really think." He acted cocky, although he knew how pathetic it must all seem to Miles.

"Good for you. Hopefully she will call soon, and get's to hear it. Her little vacation should be almost over, right?" Miles tried to be nice, knew how much it must have taken for him to take that step, especially such an overly dramatic one.

"Yeah, let's hope so anyways. Hey, I was wondering, do you think your landlord will let me take over your lease when you move out?"

"Hey, hold your horses, Claire and I just started dating a little while ago. No need to talk about moving in together yet. I know you're in some sort of a rush with Kate, but I'm not."

"Alright then, I was just asking. Considering you spend most your time over here anyways."

Miles chuckled, "Yeah, look who's talking. Maybe you should move into Kate's old room?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Claire walked in, "Who's trying to get rid of whom?" She went over and gave Miles a quick kiss. "Hi."

He said, "Hi yourself."

"Did you hear Romeos little voicemail message yet?" Miles questioned Claire. Sawyer rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, actually I did. And I think it's romantic. Don't you?" She looked at Miles.

Miles looked over at Sawyer, "See what you've done now? Now blondie here is gonna expect me to do some grand romantic gesture for her."

Everybody smiled and Claire gave Miles a push. "Leave him alone, he's trying to win her back, and since she has her cell phone off, that's the only chance he's got."

"That's the only chance I got? Hell, thanks goldilocks, for the vote of confidence!" Sawyer looked at her.

"Oh, don't get all mad, you know what I meant. She's stubborn, but when she does call your cell phone and listens to that outgoing message, she'll realize what an idiot she's been. I mean she disappears and doesn't answer her phone. Granted I know where she is, but still I expected her to call or at least call back when I called and left a message. But she hasn't. She's being really weird these days, so you just keep your head held high, and keep the voicemail messages coming."

He just smiled. He knew how stupid she was acting, but then again, he's been that stupid before too. Claire is right, he just has to hope that she'll realize that she made a mistake. Or at least realize that their little make out session 5 weeks ago wasn't a mistake.

-  
>Same day - Outside Miles apartment<p>

She knocked a few times, but no answer. Her test had come back negative again, so no signs of cancer yet. Maybe she was just paranoid, because of her mom. So now Cassidy had convinced her to take this leap of faith. Just go see him, she'd said. Tell him you still love him, and see where that will lead.

She walked back to her car and got in. He's probably at Claires right now, she thought. She'd lost her old cell phone when she took Clementine to a playground a week ago. She dug through her purse to get her new phone out. Then she got her wallet out, digging through the little compartments, she knew somewhere in there she'd a little piece of paper with his number on it. She smiled at his handwriting. He was left-handed, so sometimes, if he wasn't careful, he'd smudge what he'd already written.

Her hands were shaking as she dialed his number. She put the phone to her ear. She could feel her heart beating faster, every time it rang. After 3 rings, his voicemail picked up and this is what she heard.

"If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it. If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling. If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin'. If it's anybody else, wait for the tone, you know what to do. P.S. if this is Freckles, I still love you!"

She hung up the phone without saying anything. She'd heard but she couldn't believe it. Tears started stinging at her eyes. It took her a few minutes to regain her composure, then she pushed the redial button. Again she heard it ring 3 times, before his voice mail picked up. She never said it to him, he hasn't said it to her since that first time in the cage. Her heart was racing, as she listened to his message again.

-  
>Back at Claires house<p>

Sawyer and Aaron were sitting at the kitchen table, playing a Winnie the pooh memory game.

"Alright, man. You're turn." Sawyer said looking over at the little boy sitting across from him.

Aaron picked one card up and turned it over. It was tigger. His little hand then moved across the cards and as he was just about to turn one over, Sawyer made a noise, as if he was clearing his throat. Aaron looked up at him for a moment, and then moved away from that card. He was clearly lost now, didn't know which one to pick up.

"You're taking way to long kid. Why don't you pick this one up?" Sawyer pointing to one in his right corner. "That way I can finally have a turn again."

Aaron smiled, picked it up and sure enough, it was the match he was looking for. "I won again."

"Hey, hold your horses, bud. Nobody won yet, I still have a chance to beat you, the table still full with bears, tigers, rabbits and pigs."

"And Eeyore." Aaron felt the need to add.

"Eayore? Who the hell is Eeyore?" He knew he shouldn't have said hell, and looked around real quick to see if Claire was anywhere near.

After a little while they finished the game. Aaron wanted a snack, so he went looking for his mom. Sawyer walked out the back door to smoke.

He sat down on one of the patio chairs that Claire had on her back porch. He'd just lit his cigarette when his phone made a noise. With the cigarette hanging from his lip, he stood up, and dug into his jean pocket, retrieve his phone. The display flashed 'new voicemail'. He dialed to hear his voicemail, thinking it's probably Miles' from earlier. He had absolutely no reception in Claire's house. As he held the phone to his ear with one hand, he put the cigarette to his mouth again and pulled the smoke into his mouth.

All he heard was "I love you too."


	8. Chapter 8 She looked as happy as he felt

**Author's Notes:**

They finally get to meet. This is a pretty steamy chapter, the new beginning for the both of them! Please rate and review. Thank you for reading!

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><p>He'd almost dropped the phone. He'd already dropped the cigarette. It fell to the ground when he gasped, after hearing her voicemail. He called the voicemail again. Had to skip through a few old ones, to get to the last one. Yup, that's definitely her voice. Son of a bitch.<p>

He looked at his watch, this voicemail had been left about 30 minutes ago. He wondered if this meant she would finally answer her phone for him. He scrolled to her name, and pushed the dial button. But this was new, it didn't ring or go straight to her voicemail like it had been for the past 3 weeks, but instead it said this number was not in service.

He stormed back in the house, "Claire, you have to tell me where she is?"

Claire had just finished making a pb&j sandwich for Aaron and looked up at him confused. "Why? I thought we agreed it's better like this."

"Just listen to this." He grabbed her by the arm, probably a little bit harsher then he had meant to, and dragged her out onto the patio. He dialed his voicemail again, and handed the phone to Claire.

Claire's eyes lit up and she smiled looking up at him. "Oh, that is so romantic."

"Yeah, but when I called her phone, it said it's no longer in service."

"She must have called from some phone that's in service, so why don't you call that number back?"

"You're a genius, Claire." He kissed her on the forehead, and grabbed his phone out of her hand. "I'm such an idiot, why didn't I think of this?"

"Because you're in love, and those butterflies right now make your mind go blank." She teased him.

He pushed a bunch of buttons on his phone, protocol, missed calls. There it is, her number. He scrolled down where it said 'call this number' and pushed the little green select button.

It rang, and with every ring, he could feel his heart beating faster. Com'on freckles, answer already. This is torture.

"Hi." Is all he heard.

He swallowed, "Hi yourself. I just got your voicemail." He paused, her turn to talk.

She could feel her cheeks blush. "Where are you?"

God, please ask me to come meet you. "I'm over at Claire's, where are you?"

"I'm sitting in my car, in front of Miles' apartment." She said, smiling when she imagined his expression.

"You're in L.A., you mean right down the road?"

She chuckled, "Hey, my new house smells like paint, makes me dizzy, so I was looking for you here."

He chuckled now too. "I'll be right there. Don't leave."

"I won't"

"See you in a minute, freckles."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

He hung up, walked back in, past Claire who had left the patio to give him privacy.

Claire yelled after him, "And, did she answer?"

"Yeah, she wants me to meet her. Talk to you later." He basically ran out the front door.

"Good luck, Sawyer. And be nice."

He was already in the drive way, getting into his new car, and taking off.

-  
>He could already see her car in the parking lot. He pulled into the empty spot beside her, and looked over. She was sitting there behind the wheel, her head tilted back, resting against the headrest with her eyes closed. He got out, walked around his car to her side, and just opened her car door.<p>

It startled her, but then she realized it was him. "Hey." He said, as he held out his hand for her to take, to help her out of the car.

When she was out, he shut her car door, but didn't let go of her hand.

She looked up at him, "I missed you so much, James."

"I missed you too." He pushed her against her car, letting go of her hand now, framing her face with both hands instead, and kissed her. She parted her lips in response, and it felt like the first kiss they'd ever shared. It was soft, slow, yet so passionate and hungry for more.

He pulled away just enough to look at her and said with a low sexy growl, "Let's go upstairs, freckles."

She smiled almost a little shy, but said, "Okay, lets go."

His heart just skipped a beat, he thought. He reached for her hand and they both walked up the staircase leading them into the apartment building. Once they'd reached their door, he unlocked it quickly, and pulled her inside. Pushing her against the other side of the front door, shutting the door in the process. They kissed passionately, when he reached around her waist, picking her up. Wedging her between himself and the door, with her legs wrapped around his waist. He wanted to kiss her all over, but for right now, he couldn't get enough of her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled away from the kiss and whispered, "Take me to your bed" while she looked straight into his eyes.

He didn't answer, just held onto her, carrying her into his bedroom. Their eyes locked on each other. Why did it feel just like the first time in the cage. Has it really been that long? Right before he lowered her onto the bed, he kicked his bedroom door shut behind him. The blinds were shut; the room seemed just the right mixture between light and dark. She started to unbutton his shirt. He watched her in anticipation. She smiled at him. His shirt was off. He grabbed the bottom hem of her shirt, and yanked it up over her head.

She pulled him down on top of her now, and began kissing him again. Her hands running over his chest, to his side and then down his back. She loved how muscular his upper body still was, even now after they'd left the island. They couldn't get enough kisses from each other. Their tongues unable to separate. And with every kiss, her body ached more and more to feel him inside of her.

Then she rolled him over, she was straddling him now, still both of them wearing their jeans, she reached down to unbuckle his belt, open his jeans and unzip it too. He moaned when he felt her hand slide into his boxers. He growled, when he sat up to reach behind her and unhook her bra. Kissing her again, both his hands cupped her breasts.

He now wrapped one arm tight around her, picked her up, turned her over on her back and pushed her down now. While he lingered on top of her, she pushed his jeans down. Both of them together tried to get them off, without trying to break the kiss they were sharing. Between kisses, and chuckles, and a few curse words from Sawyer, they finally, managed to kick his boots off, and shortly after that his jeans and boxers hit the floor too.

He pulled away from the kiss and smiled suggestivly, "You're turn." His voice was low and raspy, and send chills down her spine. She was wearing a belt too, he unbuckled it, then undid the button and her zipper. He was kneeling above her now, she lifted her butt so he could pull her jeans off easier. Throwing the jeans behind him, he smiled looking down at her, wearing nothing now except her panties.

She looked up at him, and said, "Aren't you gonna take those off too."

"Was just waiting for you to say so, freckles." And with that he pulled her panties off, tossing them aside. As he crawled over her slowly, he kissed his way up her body, starting with her stomach, then slowly up her rip cage, then her breasts. At the same time, his left hand slowly found its way in between her legs, slowly moving his fingers across where she was already moist. She moaned, and he looked up at her for a moment, as he was anchoring his mouth around her nipple. When he finally let up, he kissed his way further up, kissing the scar on her left shoulder softly, then framed her face again and kissed her lips.

She'd parted her legs, to make room for him. She reached down and without breaking from the kiss, guided him in. Both of them moaned as he slowly entered her. When he slowly started moving in and out of her, he broke away from the kiss, looking into her eyes.

She looked up into his, her hands holding onto his back, pulling him in with every thrust. She'd remembered how good it felt with him, but even when she'd dreamed about him, the sweetest dream would never do. Nothing compared to the real thing.

He had his eyes locked on hers. This was different to him than any other time he'd been with her. For the first time he didn't see anything but love for him in her eyes. Not a shred of doubt that she wanted to be here with him, right now!

He took his time, moved in and out of her, at a slow pace. She moved her hips, thrusting against him. Between longing looks into each others eyes, there were longing kisses. He wanted this to be the best time she'd ever had, and when he could hear her moans increase and could feel her tighten up around him, he knew she was there.

She was out of breath, kissing him anyways. He smiled somewhat proud that he was able to satisfy her again after all this time. He could feel her tremble underneath him, so he stopped moving for a moment. He knew she was very sensitive now, he had to let her catch her breath. She smiled up at him, and moaned again when he slowly started moving again. He increased his pace, growling with every thrust, until she could feel his entire body tighten above her.

She could feel him come inside of her. Feel the warmth released inside her belly. But to her surprise, he didn't pull out of her. Just kissed her again, passionately. Then his upper body just collapsed onto her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. He was breathing heavily, she was still too.

After a few moments, she said, "Hey. Look at me."

He lifted his head, smiling at her, still out of breath. "Hey."

"I love you." She said looking up in his eyes.

"I love you more." He said, smiling down at her, still a little out of breath. Then they kissed again, before he eventually pulled out of her and fell onto his side, pulling her close in the process.

He fell all the way onto his back, she snuggled into his side, kissing his chest. He glanced over and down at her, "Gotta hand it to you freckles. If this is what I get every time you leave town for a few weeks, hell maybe you oughta leave town more often." He chuckled, when he saw her look at him.

"So what, you got what you wanted, now you wanna get rid of me again?" She smiled, knew he was just teasing.

"I got what I wanted?" He mocked a shocked expression. "Hell, who said take me to your bed. It damn sure wasn't me, sugar. I was content with just kissing in the hallway." He winked at her.

"Sure you were." She tried to pull away from him, in a pretend to be mad kinda way.

He pulled her back to his side, "Where the hell you think you're going? You're with me now, there's no turning back now." He lifted her chin with his left hand and kissed her.

When he pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with her again. She looked as happy as he felt, so he took a leap of faith for once. Did something he hadn't planned on doing.

"Marry me, freckles?"


	9. Chapter 9 I really love you Sawyer

"What?" She looked at him confused.

"I said marry me?" He repeated slowly for her, grinning from ear to ear.

"This ain't funny, Sawyer?" She didn't know if she should be happy or mad about his proposal.

"What? You want me to say it a third time?" He threw his free hand up in defeat. "Hold on." He pulled his arm out from under her and climbed out of bed, pulling his jeans on over his bare backside.

It distracted her for a moment, but then she said, "Sawyer, what are you doing?" She didn't understand.

As he was pulling his zipper up, but not bothering closing his belt, he said again, "Just hold on, freckles, alright?"

He looked at her, and when she saw how serious his look was, she just nodded, sitting up against the headboard, she pulled the light blue sheet up to cover her naked self. She watched him as he was looking for something in his dresser. She assumed a new shirt. She was so taken back by his question, and was still trying to figure out why he would make such a cruel joke, that she wasn't even able to process what he was really doing. Until…

He closed the drawer and turned back around to face her.

"Come over here" he waved her to the edge of the bed, she obliged, scooting over to sit on the bottom edge of the bed. The sheet riding up on her thighs as she scooted, which made his eyes follow the sheet riding up, he smiled cocking his head to the side. She pulled the sheet back down past her knees to cover herself, her feet touching the floor. She felt like her heart was on her sleeve, but then again, there was no sleeve so the sheet would have to do for now.

He stood there, looking down at her, holding out his hand. She looked up at him, gave him one hand, and held the sheet up with the other. She thought he wanted her to get up. But before she could, he kneeled down in front of her.

Oh my god, what is he doing? "Sawyer, what are you doing?" She asked all of a sudden realizing what was about to happen.

He was holding a little box in his other hand, he opened it to reveal a beautiful sparkling diamond ring.

She looked at the ring, then back into his eyes. Still not believing that he was serious about this.

He said, "Freckles, will you marry me?" His eyes looking right into hers. He was serious. She knew that now.

She nodded again, and "Yes, I'll marry you" escaped her lips before she even knew it.

She was truly happy, smiling wide, when tears rolled down her cheeks. And within seconds he'd pushed that ring onto her finger. She noticed his hands were trembling when he did that. But then his chest was swelling with pride, and he also was smiling the happiest smile she'd ever seen on him. She pulled him in for a kiss, letting go of the sheet and it dropped. He picked her naked little body up and wrapped her in his arms. They made love again … and again, eventually falling asleep in each others arms.

Sometime in the middle of the night, she'd woken up. He was lying on his back, she was laying next to him, with her head using his arm as a pillow. She rubbed the ring on her finger, just to make sure she hadn't just dreamed all of this. She looked over to him, his face, so content. He looked happy even in his sleep. His naked chest was rising with every breath he took in, she watched it in amazement.

She'd done this before. She frowned to herself. Twice actually. She'd been proposed to 3 times all together. Kevin, Jack and now Sawyer. Her heart ached just a little for both Kevin and Jack, when she came to the sudden realization that only this time she was completely in it, with all of her heart. Forever. For good. She would get married to Sawyer, and she would never leave him, not a doubt in her heart about their future together anymore. This is it. He's the one she's supposed to be with. He's the one she's going to be with for the rest of her life!

She kissed his chest, cuddling into his side. He started moving a little, and before she knew it he'd rolled over to his side facing her, wrapping his other arm around her waist and pulling her in closer. Not even opening his eyes, he growled a little when he kissed her hair, and went back to sleep. She closed her eyes, and went back to sleep too. His arms around her felt so good, she couldn't describe it. He'd been all she'd ever needed, she'd just taken forever to come to this realization.

The next morning – Claire's house

Sawyer and Kate both stood outside the front door, waiting for someone to answer the door. Claire finally opened the door, and hugged her friend, "Hey, I've missed you so much. Why are you ringing the door bell", Claire asked when she walked back into the house. Sawyer and Kate both followed her in, "Because I officially moved out 3 weeks ago, remember?"

"Yeah, but still, you can just come in. Both of you. You're family."

"Speaking of family," Sawyer chimed in, "Do you think your mom could watch the rug rat tonight, so Miles, you, Kate and I can go out for dinner, my treat?"

Claire looked up at him, noticing Kate smiling from ear to ear, "Sure, she wouldn't mind, what's the occasion?"

"Our engagement!" He said with this casual tone of voice, like it wasn't big news.

Claire's face lit up, and both her hands covered her mouth, she looked back and forth between Kate and him, "Really? He asked you, and you said yes?" She looked over at Kate.

Before Kate could answer, he chimed in, "Of course she said yes, who could resist that awesome rock I picked out for her." As if they'd rehearsed it, Kate held up her hand with the ring on it to show it to Claire.

Kate nodded her head still smiling wide. This was new to her, she'd never been the kind of girl that would act so 'girlish', but she was this time, when it was the right time, the right man!

"Oh it's beautiful." Claire was ecstatic. "I'm so happy for you two." And she pulled both of them into a hug.

When Claire finally let up, she walked over to the phone and called her Mom who'd moved to L.A. shortly after they'd all gotten back from the island. Living just a couple blocks down the road from them.

Sawyer walked over to Kate and wrapped both his arms around her from behind, pushing her curls aside, he kissed her neck and whispering into her ear, "Well, one down, I guess."

"Maybe we should call Cassidy and ask her to go out with us tonight, so we can tell her the news." Kate loosened his grip he had on her and turned around to talk face to face. He frowned.

"I don't know freckles." He said, "I'm still not her favorite person, you know that, so maybe we should hold off on telling her for now. Let's just go out with people that might actually be happy for us. Penny and Desmond said they'll meet us there, and I left a message with Lapidus."

She nodded, then added, "Okay, but you're wrong about Cassidy, she would be happy for us."

"Maybe she will, maybe she won't, doesn't matter freckles. I get that she's your friend now, but it'd just be a little weird for me having her there. So let's stick with our friends that are here. The ones that we know are happy for us, no matter what."

"Okay, but we have to tell her soon." She looked up at him.

"Well, even if we don't, sure she will hear 'bout it on the news. After all, it's not every day that 2 people that survived the same plane crash are getting hitched." He smiled at her.

"We'll tell her before it's all over the tv." She said it out loud, even though she knew he was just teasing.

He was right though, this would be all over the news, she thought. They'd pretty much avoided the press, all of them spending most their time here at Claire's house and backyard. Watching more tv together in the last 6 plus month then she did in her entire life.

He liked it that way though, for now. He liked to be stuck with her, in a house in front of a tv, Claire and her watching some soap opera, while he read a book, sitting next to her. And now, he wouldn't mind at all being stuck in the bedroom with her. No need to go anywhere in his eyes, all he wanted was right here.

Kate on the other hand was counting down the days she was finally done with her probation. Couldn't wait to travel, by car. Not running, no, not this time. Just going places with him by her side, to make some memories other then the island and L.A. together! But she still had a long time to wait for that, she wasn't holding her breath just yet.

-  
>Just 6 short weeks later – mid April 2008 – Claire's house<p>

When Kate and Sawyer finally walked in, everybody was already there. Claire, Aaron, Carole, Cassidy, Clementine, Miles, Lapidus, Desmond, Penny, little Charlie, Hurley, and even Kate's dad Sam had flown into town again. This was the first time in a long time, that all of them had been together again. Not fighting each other or trying to kill someone together, no this time to celebrate the upcoming wedding of Kate and Sawyer. This was the rehearsal dinner, held at Claire's house.

They were trying really hard to keep this wedding a secret, didn't want a bunch of reporters to camp outside their new home, where the wedding was taking place tomorrow. Over the course of one month, they'd completely fixed the house to their liking. They'd furnished it too, however now, furniture were put into the garage for the moment. While the entire downstairs was already set up for a private little ceremony, just them with their closest friends to witness.

It surely wasn't an elaborate wedding, even though they both could afford it now, but that wasn't the point. They'd even thought about having it at the beach, but that would have been even harder to pull off without the press noticing. Anyways, Sawyer had said, that for once something in their life together shouldn't revolve around a sandy beach somewhere. He had a valid point, Kate thought.

The rehearsal dinner was really nice, they'd hired a caterer, paying them way more than their service was worth, basically paying them to keep their mouth shut, about this dinner and about the wedding. The kids were sitting in front of the tv in the living room, while the adults made themselves comfortable on the back patio. But it was very casual, everyone sitting, with a little fire burning in a fire pit. The island wasn't discussed, everyone knew that Kate's dad had no clue about anything, so they'd agreed to not mention it.

It was a surprising warm night for mid April, Claire had even set up some speakers and music was playing. Kate stood there across the patio, rubbing her arms up and down, as if she was cold anyways. She was talking to Cassidy, and he knew they were talking about him, cause very once and awhile both of them would look his way. He just smiled and raised his beer towards them, which made the two women smile in return. Busted!

He couldn't believe this was really going to happen. He was really going to marry her tomorrow. He took a sip from his beer. Who would have thought, especially after they'd shared that awkward almost kiss in the jungle, shortly after Juliet had died. Nobody knew about that moment they'd shared, not even Claire.

He looked down towards his beer bottle in his hand. Guilty, even after all this time, he still felt guilty about wanting to kiss her that night. He shouldn't have even thought about kissing her like that, when dirt over Juliets grave hadn't even settled yet. And then the guilt of what she must have thought about it all, that didn't feel much better.

He was a terrible person, doesn't know how he'd managed to make someone like Kate fall in love with him in spite of all that. He took another sip from his beer, lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed Kate walking over to him.

"Where did you go?" She said.

He looked up at her, "Nowhere, I'm right here with you." He smiled up, pulling her down to sit in his lap.

She kissed him softly, and he said, "So are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"I can't wait, actually. I hope you'll like my dress. So when are you heading home?"

"Whenever you kick me out, I guess." He smiled up at her, "I don't think you really want me to go home, do you?" His hand sliding ever so slightly up her thigh, under the hem of her dress.

She grabbed it before it went any further, looking around if anyone saw. "Sawyer! My dad's here, don't do that, not here with everyone watching. How much have you had to drink?"

"I dunno." He smiled up at her. "But are we really still doing that?" He looked at her questioning.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you sleeping here tonight, instead of with me. I mean, does it really matter? You can come back to Miles' place tonight, and I'll take you back to our house first thing in the morning, so you can get ready for the big show down." He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "I won't even see the dress."

"It's just one night." She had to bend down to kiss his neck. Then looked in his eyes again. "You'll be just fine for one night. It will make our wedding night so much more special."

He sighed, "Alright then." He took another sip of the beer, she took it from him and took a sip too. He liked that about her, she wasn't the fancy drink kinda woman, a beer will do just fine.

"I finished my vows today." She looked over at him, wondering if he was done with his.

"I did too." He smiled, then whispered "Gotta tell you, it wasn't easy, considering you're dad's not in the loop of everything."

Some time later, Cassidy and Clem had already taken off, so did Carole with Aaron, he was spending the night at his grandma's house. And the Humes had left already too.

It was getting late, and even though the wedding wasn't set until 4.30 pm the following day, it was time to start heading out, to a hotel for some or home for others. She slit off his lap, and he pulled her hand to follow him inside.

Hurley said, "Hey, are you two leaving?"

"No, I just want a moment alone with my fiancé, Avalanche. That alright with you?" He looked over at the curly headed man, smiling at him despite the familiar and taunting nickname.

"Sure, go ahead dude." Hurley winked at them both, which made Sawyer chuckle as he pulled Kate into the house.

They walked up the stairs to Kate's old room. When the door shut behind them, he pushed her into the door, kissing her softly. They broke the kiss to look at each other.

"So, tomorrow at this time, you and me freckles, we'll be husband and wife."

"Yup, I know." She had her arms wrapped around his neck, snuggling into him. He had one hand on her behind, the other one buried into her curls, pulling her in even closer. They just stood there in silence for a moment.

"Gotta be honest freckles, there was a time when I thought we'd never get here." He pulled her even closer. She didn't say anything for a good 2 or 3 minutes, both of them just standing there again in silence.

"I really love you Sawyer." She said, without looking up at him, still burying her face into the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly.

He let out a sigh of relief, "I don't know why you do, but I'm glad you do, baby, 'cause I really love you too." He pulled away to kiss her again.

"I guess I better head home now." He let her out of the tight hug, but held both hands in his, just looking down at her.

"I see you tomorrow, can't wait to see that dress everyone's been talking about."

"I hope you'll like it."

"Oh, I'm sure I will, but I'll like even more taking it off of you." He cocked his head sideways again, giving her that self assuring grin, with the dimples showing.

She didn't even try to look offended, "I can't wait either."

He laughed, "I knew it."

"Go, get out of here, but let someone else drive, you've had one too many already." She opened the bedroom door for them both to head back downstairs.

"Yes, ma'am. Whatever you say, freckles."

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><p>End Note: Please leave a review if you have a minute to spare. Thank you!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10 No cold feet

He woke up, startled from a dream or something he couldn't remember. He looked over at the red numbers on his alarm clock. 2:00! Shit, it's 2am. He tried to go back to sleep, but just couldn't. He knew what this was about, but had tried to avoid it as long as possible.

He looked back over to the alarm clock. 2:15! Alright, that's it. He got out of bed, turned the little lamp on that was on his nightstand, and he got dressed quick. He walked out of his room, grabbed his car keys from the little hook by the front door, and left Miles apartment in a hurry.

When he pulled up in front of Claire's house, all the lights were off. Of course, he thought, it's 2.30 in the morning. He parked his car, then walked quietly up to the front door. He looked around, trying to remember where Claire hid her spare key. He knew where it was just for that off chance he'd have to pick up Aaron from preschool, but he'd actually never used it before. Guess there's a time for everything. He found it and unlocked the door, then placed the key back to its hiding spot. He walked in the dark and quiet house. And he was just about to head upstairs, when her voice startled him more then he'd like to admit.

"James?"

He turned around.

"What are you doing here? I thought we agreed about tonight?" She got up from the couch, walking towards him now.

"I know, baby. I just couldn't sleep, I had to talk to you."

She finally flicked a light on, so they could actually see each other better.

"Is everything okay?" She got a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, it's not that. I just …" He rubbed his face with his hand, then pushed his long strands of hair back, and she could see right through him, he was trying to buy time.

"Are you having second thoughts about us?" She wanted to cry, scream actually, but she stayed calm.

His eyes expressed shock, "No, no, freckles." He shook his head almost frantically as he walked towards her. "I swear, that is not it at all." He pulled her in a tight hug. "I don't have second thoughts, you and me are meant to be. I love you. You know that."

"Then what is it? Why are you over here, sneaking in the house at 2 in the morning?" She pulled away enough to look up and meet his eyes.

He pulled her over to the couch, they sat down together, facing each other. "I just have to ask you something. It's been killing me not knowing, and I know you love me now and we are good, awesome actually, but I have to know."

"Know what?"

"I have to know if you loved me when we were on the island, or if you fell in love with me now, after we made it off the island?" His eyes locked on hers, almost desperate, pleading with her to say what he wants her to say.

She stared at him, she couldn't believe he actually had to ask her that. But then a startling realization came over her, looking at things from his point of view, how he might have come to that conclusion. She sighed, then took both his hands in hers and said, "I loved you on the island."

She could see relieve washing over his tight face, his eyes no longer fixated on hers, he leaned in to kiss her.

"I'm not finished." She continued after a quick kiss. "I started to fall in love with you slowly. You didn't really make it easy on me. I already had feelings for you before you left on that raft with Michael. And then after the cages, on our way back when you accused me of just having slept with you out of guilt. I thought about denying it, telling you that I really loved you, but then my pride took over. You acted so stubborn, so mean, pretending we meant nothing. I've gotten hurt one too many times, done that whole pushing someone away myself to know what that was all about.

Regardless, we wouldn't have worked out back then, because both of us too stubborn to admit what we really felt. And I have to be honest, when I left the island, after meeting Cassidy, I was convinced you didn't love me, never had. Because you were so desperate to stay on that island. So desperate to push me away and get away from me any chance you got. You got close to me just long enough to make me fall for you and then you left. Just like you'd done with Cassidy.

I tried to move on eventually, with Jack. But that didn't work out either, because a promise I made to you meant more then gaining his trust in me. He couldn't handle me leaving him in the dark about what I was doing for you, when I went to spend time with Clementine. And it would have been so easy to just tell him. You were gone, but I didn't love him enough to do that.

But then when I did return, you were happy with Juliet. And I wasn't going to be like my stepfather. I wasn't going to be that someone that drove the person that loved you away. You were happy with her. She loved you so much. I can't say that Juliet was my favorite person, … she wasn't. Never would have been, but none the less, she was with you." She stopped at that, didn't know what else to say.

Tears stinging at her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. His heart was hurting in his chest for her, thinking about what he'd done to her, to them. He knew he'd tried his best to push her away, over and over again. But still, she ended up coming back for more … like a beaten down puppy, coming back for the mercy kill! But then again, so did he. Longing after her, and every time they got closer, there was Jack playing the hero! So instead of waiting and ending up being a sorry loser, he decided to act as if it didn't matter to him, she was just someone he'd have sex with.

'You don't have to use me freckles, all you have to do is ask' … he remembered saying that to her just like it was yesterday. Just to cover up his own hurt feelings, hurting her in return. To this day he didn't know why she came to his tent, but he'd believed it was because of Juliet and Jack, and nothing else.

He hugged her tight, "I'm sorry for everything. I hope you know that I loved you all along." He was never one to just say everything out loud, say what he really meant, but Claire had convinced him that he was getting to old to play high school games.

They both weren't getting any younger, and if he wanted her for good, he had to tell her so. Leaving no room for other interpretation on her part. No more guessing games, that's why he had to come here tonight. Cause even though he'd been open with his feelings after she'd gotten back from Cassidy, he'd still unanswered questions. But now, it was all out. Everything had been said, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating it might have been for either one to admit or hear it. Today, in a couple of hours, they'd get married, and once and for all leave their past behind.

They cuddled and eventually fell asleep on the couch in each others arms. This might actually work, he thought. They might actually have a shot to make it this time.

It was 3.30 pm when they pulled up to the house he shared with Kate. Hurley, Miles and him got out of the car.

He walked up to his front door, from the outside you couldn't tell at all what was about to happen in there. Guess the money they'd invested in keeping this wedding quiet was worth every penny.

He was just about to walk in the front door, when the door swung open and a large man, wearing a suit stood in front of him. This guy was at least half a foot taller than Sawyer, a hell of a lot broader, and he didn't look too friendly either when he asked, "Who are you?"

Sawyer sounded surprised, "Who am I? I'm the groom, I live here. Who are you?" He had to look up to meet the guys eyes.

"I'm with security. Name?" The guy grabbed a clipboard out of nowhere.

By now Miles and Hurley had made their way to the door as well, standing to the right and left of Sawyer.

"James Ford." Sawyer huffed his own name. He's getting annoyed. He was a little bit nervous, in 1 hour he was going to get married.

"Sorry sir, but you're not on the list."

He wanted to smack this guy, "What do you mean I'm not on the list? I'm the groom. Who made the list?" He was getting furious.

Miles padded him on the back, in a comforting way. "He might be listed as Sawyer, James Sawyer, or Jim Sawyer."

"Yes, there you are. Mr. Sawyer, welcome to your wedding. And you are?" The man looked over at Miles and then Hurley.

"Hugo or Hurley Reyes."

"Miles Straume."

The man just nodded, checked their names off the list and stepped aside to let them all in.

Sawyer couldn't believe this was their home, him and Kate had moved in with Miles a couple days ago, so the wedding planner could do their magic. And he must admit, this was magic, he hadn't expected it to look this good. White fabric covering the walls, everything was white. And red roses everywhere!

Her dad was already there, and he walked over to them, shook Miles and Hurley's hand, pulled Sawyer in an awkward hug. Mainly awkward cause Sawyer hadn't foreseen her dad getting emotional already. They all tried to pretend that didn't just happen, when the security guy yelled for Sawyer.

"Mr. Sawyer? There's someone here that's not on my list."

Sawyer started walking over towards the door, when he already saw from afar that it was Richard and Ben standing in the doorway. They greeted each other, Miles and Hurley had walked over too. Richard attending their wedding would not be a big deal, he would have been invited all along, had they known how to get in touch with him. But Ben on the other hand was a different story.

"Look, I could care less if you're here or not, but Kate, now that's a different story. And I ain't 'bout to land in the doghouse, before I even got a ring on my finger, if you know what I mean?"

"Of course, James. I understand." Ben looked disappointed.

Hurley chimed in, "Hey, why don't I go upstairs and ask if Kate's alright with it or not? I'm just the best man, so I'm allowed to see her before the wedding, right Dudes?" He looked around for confirmation.

"Yeah, I think you're okay to see her?" Miles said.

They stood by the door rather awkwardly, waiting for Hurley to return, when Miles said, "So Ben, how's the island?"

-  
>Cassidy came downstairs with Hurley, and they confirmed that Ben was allowed to stay. Cassidy glanced Sawyer up and down, and then shook her head.<p>

"What?" He blurted out, noting her disappointed look.

"You wear a button down shirt any day of the week, but on your wedding day you decide to put on a white t-shirt under your Jacket. Really Sawyer? And you're wearing jeans."

He rolled his eyes at his ex, "Look, sweet cheeks, why don't you take this up with my fiancé up there, cause she picked my outfit for today." He said with an angry tone to his voice no one else had foreseen.

"Really?" Hurley chimed in, totally surprised, "She picks your clothes out for you? Dude, she totally tamed you!"

Sawyer looked over at him, giving him a mean look, sounding offended, "She what?"

Before Hurley could say it again, "She did tame you. No point in denying anymore, especially after last night?" Miles added his 2 cents.

Cassidy just walked away, her and Sawyer got along, as long as the subject of their conversations was Clementine.

"What happened last night? Did I miss something?" Hurley looked around.

"Nothing happened last night?" Sawyer threw back, giving Miles a mean look now for even mentioning it.

When the priest walked up to them, and shook Sawyers hand, he could feel his nerves unravel even more. After the priest left he looked over to Hurley, "I might need a drink, man."

"No problem, I get you something."

Miles looked over at Sawyer, "In all this time I've known you, Jim. I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

Sawyer looked at him, "Like what?"

"You're really nervous, aren't you? This is like a big step for you."

"Of course it's a big step, ain't like I'm getting married every other day. This is it, Enos, my one chance with Kate." He looked around to see if anyone could be listening in, then said, "You don't know half the shit I put her through in as little as 3 month on that damn island. So for her to even consider marrying me now, well… I'm one lucky bastard. So yeah, I'm nervous, cause … I guess I'm scared that she might still come to her senses, and pulls a Julia Roberts on me."

Miles just nodded, smiling, then added, "You've clearly watched too many chick flicks with Claire and Kate."

His hands were sweaty when Hurly showed up with a tall glass of whiskey. He chucked it down in one big gulp. Sighed, as if he was coming up for air, then handed Hurley the empty glass back.

-  
>Kate stood in front of the mirror, smoothing out her elegant, yet very simple white dress. There were no beats, no clasps, no anything. Just the smooth white fabric clinging to her every curve of her upper body, but from the waist down, it fell more like a a-line skirt. Her white but simple high heels not even showing. She wore very little make up, just a little bit of powder, mascara and a lipstick that was pretty much the same color of her lips anyways. Her hair falling over her shoulders, loosely, yet she had a veil sitting in her hair, pinned down so it wouldn't just fall out. Sawyer always said she was the prettiest woman in the world like that. Well, always, meaning since they'd gotten back together about six weeks ago.<p>

She turned around to everyone, "So, what do you think?"

"You look just beautiful." Carole said, looking at her.

"Yes, she does," her father chimed in, admiring his daughter.

"Breathtaking." Claire admired her.

Her dad looked at his watch and said, "I think it's almost time to go, Katie. I'll wait by the stairs." He walked over and gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek, before he left the room.

Carole walked over, and showed a necklace to her, simple, elegant, with a small heart pendant, "This is your old and borrowed item." Kate held up her hair carefully, not to disturb the veil on her head, so that Carole could close the necklace around her neck.

"Thank you so much, Carole." They hugged sincerely.

"And getting this right here, this is what's gonna be Sawyers favorite part of the wedding." Claire held up a blue garter. "And it's also something new and blue at the same time." Everyone in the room smiled.

Kate hiked up her dress, lifting one foot, so that Claire could put the garter on her, she was wearing white stockings, just for Sawyers amusement actually. She'd forgotten about the part where he would be taken the garter off in front of everyone. She wondered for a moment if he even knew that he was supposed to do that. They'd never talked about it. Cassidy and Claire both now lowered her veil over her face, and admired her one last time. Carole handed her the flowers, then took Clementine and Aaron downstairs, cause this wedding was going to start any moment now.

Everyone was ready. She walked out of her room, and after a few moments, the music started playing. She grabbed her dad's arm, holding on to it. He looked at his daughter proudly. She didn't think she'd ever see a proud look in his eyes for her again, but there it was. Even after everything she'd done, he was here, in the most important moment in her life. From where they were at, James couldn't see her yet. Nobody could. She would walk into the big room around the corner, and then there would be no turning back anymore. This was it, they are going to be married. She smiled, and they slowly started walking.

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong>

Please rate and review if you like this story.


	11. Chapter 11 Mr and Mrs James Ford

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Author's Notes:**

Please review if you still like where this story is going. Thank you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carole was sitting down with Aaron. Cassidy and her fiancé were sitting with Clementine in the middle. Frank had arrived just a few moments ago and was also sitting down already. So did Ben, Richard, Miles, Desmond, Penny and little Charlie.

The room was fairly large, even though this wasn't a big crowd kind of wedding. Sunlight streamed in through the windows that were draped with a white fabric as well. The room was completely decorated in white, with white chairs. Red roses decorated the place, candles were burning. It was not like your typical wedding, it was definitely different, considering the groom was more dressed down then most of the guests.

But Kate had insisted on his attire. She wanted him to look good, but still like the James she knew and loved. His dark blue denims, white button-down shirt, and dark blue Sport Jacket locked just perfect on him in her eyes. Anything more would have looked weird on him, like he was trying to dress like Jack, she thought. He also didn't shave. Had his usual stubble on his face, just the way Kate liked it! Don't matter what everyone else thinks, this is the way both of them wanted it. This is how it was going to be!

The music played and Claire started walking down the aisle, her tiny arm wrapped around Hurley's. She looked very pretty and after having to cut her hair very short when they got back, it was finally getting longer again.

Hurley settled standing next to James. Claire stood across from Hurley, all eyes were now on the doorway down the room, waiting for Kate.

Finally, there she was. Kate walked in, holding onto her father's arm. All smiles when she met James' eyes. He never understood what the big deal was about weddings, and the whole blushing bride thing, but now he knew.

When he saw Kate walk towards him, hiding that pretty smile under that veil, all he could think was that she had never looked prettier. He could feel his throat close up on him, … he needed to remember to breathe. Right at that thought he took a deep breath and finally smiled back at her.

_I am one lucky son of a bitch!  
><em>  
>The music stopped and Kate's father took her hand and placed it into James'. Both men exchanged a look, before Sam settled down sitting next to Cassidy.<p>

There they were, Kate and James holding hands, about to be married.

The priest started speaking,

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy matrimony…"

Both of them tried to look at the priest as much as possible, but couldn't help and look at each other every now and then.

Carole was wiping away some tears, as she squeezed Aarons hand. She knew about the island, heard a lot about those two 'kids' standing right there … by now she felt like they were part of her family.

While James and Kate couldn't take their eyes off of each other now, the priest went on with the ceremony and said,

"Katherine, do you take James to be your lawfully wedded husband to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"James, do you take Katherine to be your lawfully wedded wife to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

When the priest gave the signal, Hurley handed James the rings. He handed them to the priest, who blessed them. Kate handed her bouquet of roses to Claire, before the priest handed her the ring for James.

"Now Katherine, please repeat after me. With this ring I thee wed."

"With this ring I thee wed" She looked up at James, then down at his stretched out hand, carefully pushing the ring onto James' finger.

"James, repeat after me. With this ring I thee wed."

"With this ring I thee wed" and he slowly and clearly nervously placed the ring onto her finger.

They both smiled at each other. This wasn't so hard after all.

"And now that you have stood before me and exchanged these rings and these vows, and have agreed to be married according to the laws of the state of California, it gives me great pleasure to now pronounce you husband and wife." He looked at James and said, "You may now kiss your bride."

He slowly lifted her veil, still smiling at her. The first kiss as husband and wife … how crazy is this, he thought.

He leaned in pulling her into his arms. She framing his face with her hands, and they kissed. His soft lips touching hers. It was the perfect kiss.

Everyone started clapping, the music started playing and they walked down the aisle together.

XXXXX

Two days later

"Where to next, Mrs. Ford?" He asked giving her a dimple smile.

She was sitting in the passenger seat, with the map unfolded onto her lap and covering most of the dashboard too. Biting her lip, undecided about where to go next.

"I don't know." She looked up from the map, looking at him now. "Have you ever been in Fresno?"

"Fresno? Can't say that I have, why Fresno?"

"Why not Fresno? We got however long we want to explore all of California."

"You're just itching to get this whole probation thing over with, aren't you, Freckles?"

She sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Kinda is, although I have to admit, I'm surprised you're willing to leave Claire and Aaron behind."

"I'm not leaving anyone behind, James. This is our honeymoon, so we're going to have some fun. And for the time being, the fun can't go past the California border."

"I tell you what, I'll take you on a road trip over the entire United States, maybe even South America if you like, when you're probations up."

"You promise."

"Sure, I kinda have no choice in the matter. Cause I got a feeling that if I ain't taking you, you might run out on me again."

She punched him on his right shoulder. "Ahh, what the hell was that for?" Faux shocked expression on his face as he rubbed his shoulder, pretending it actually hurt him.

"That was for you being a smartass again. I thought we agreed to start off with a clean slate when we got married. No more bringing stuff up from the past. That was the deal." Her face serious, too serious for his liking.

"You're right, that was the deal."

Both of them stayed quiet for a while, him just driving on.

"How about this, Runaway Bride." He reached over and pulled the map down, to make her look at him.

"How about we just drive for a while, and when we see something we like, we stop, get a bite to eat, get a place to spend the night. What do you say? Do it jungle style, make camp where we feel like it."

"Jungle style, huh?" She had a big smile on her face again, he's been doing that to her today. "Alright."

"Let me know if you see anything interesting, so we can find a place to stay. Thought maybe we can have a repeat from last night? I did have fun last night." He raised his eyebrows and smiled at her sheepishly.

She could feel her cheeks blush, trying not to look at him.

XXX

Later that night, they were sitting on a balcony, staring out onto the ocean. She was sitting on his lap, both of them just wrapped up in a blanket. He had a cigarette hanging from his lip.

"How the hell did we get here?" She said, almost whispering.

"We drove."

She rolled her eyes at him, he smiled at her before taking the last drag from the cigarette.

"You know what I mean? Not here here, but here, us, you and me?" She looked over, meeting his eyes.

"Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends."

He did this all the time, quoting things. She liked that about him. Especially the fact that he could quote things word for word. She looked at him, waiting for what would ultimately come next.

He looked back at her, "What?"

"You know what. I'm waiting."

"Nope, I ain't telling you anymore. You need to start reading some books too, sugar. Ain't fair that you know all the quotes, but never actually read any of the books."

She almost looked offended, "I read."

"Sure you do. The O magazine, or good housekeeping? That's not really literature, Martha."

She pushed out her lip, as if she was pouting for a moment, while he slowly exhaled the remainder of the smoke in his lungs.

Without warning, she kissed him. "I'll get it out of you eventually; you know you can't resist me." She stated.

"Oh, is that so. I can't resist you? If I recall the last hour, it was you begging for more, for harder, for deeper."

She blushed, and he saw it, making him laugh out loud.

"I never said any of those things." She replied quick.

"But you were thinking them."

"Oh really, so now you can read my mind?"

"Sure can."

She pulled the arm she had wrapped around his neck and folded her arms in front of herself.

"So what am I thinking right now?"

"You're thinking that you wish you could read my mind, so you would know what that damn quote was from." He smiled wide, teeth flashing.

She tried not to smile, but couldn't help it. "You're an ass sometimes!"

"I know, but you love me anyways." He looked up at her self-assured. "So, what do you say, ready for round 2?"

"Oh, so who's beggin' now?"

"I ain't beggin', I'm askin'." And with that, he discarded the cigarette onto the tile floor of the balcony. Picked her up, while trying to keep them both wrapped up in the blanket. He carried her inside and both of them climbed back into bed, making love again.

X

A little while later …

Both of them still panting, she climbed up on top of him, to rest her head on his chest. He played with her hair, stroking her back up and down.

Neither of them spoke, just enjoying the moment. Completely happy, not a worry in the world at this moment. No Juliet or Jack to think of … or anyone else they'd lost. Just them, happily married in their 'unconventional conventional way'. That's what James called it.

He finally broke the silence by saying, "Joseph Campbell. Creative Mythology: The Masks of God 4. It's non-fiction."

She raised her head and met his eyes, in the almost completely dark hotel room. "I love you."

"I love you too." He replied without any hesitation, and then kissed her forehead.


	12. Chapter 12 Why are you the way you are?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Three days later at a lodge in Yosemite National Park

He was unpacking their suitcase, separating the dirty clothes from the clean, so he could start a load of laundry. She came out of the bathroom with an upset look on her face.

"We have a problem?" She said with an upsetting undertone that made James immediately turn his attention to her.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" His eyes full of concern, wondering what had gotten her so upset out of nowhere.

"I was looking through my personal hygiene bag, 'cause it's time to take my pill, and it's not there." Tears rolling down her face.

"What? Why are you crying?" he walked towards her, and wrapped her in his arms.

She let him hug her for a brief moment, so she could regain her composure, then pulled away and looked up at him. "You don't understand. We had sex this morning, and last night, and let's not forget about the last couple of days, so if I don't take my pill, then I might end up pregnant."

He didn't know what to say, just looked at her tear streaked face, black teardrops from her mascara running down her cheeks, her chin quivering.

She walked back into the bathroom, and he followed her as she grabbed her bag again and dumped it into the sink. "See, it's not here." The both of them looking through the stash of things again. "I must have left it in the last hotel we were at."

"Maybe it's in your purse. Have you checked your purse?" He left the bathroom, she followed him.

"I never put it in my purse, James." She was mad at herself, but letting it out on him instead.

"Sure you do. I've seen you do it." He started looking through her purse, dumping its contents onto the bed. No pills to be found. She still looked clearly upset, so he said. "Why don't we go to a pharmacy somewhere, and you can get a new pack or whatever it's called?"

"It doesn't work that way. I need a prescription. And I don't have any more refills left, cause I still have 2 whole packs at home." She wiped her tears away, to clear her eyes.

"What are you saying? We need to get home so you can take a pill? Seriously? That's like a 7 hour drive." he looked annoyed.

"Seriously? Last thing I knew was that you and me having a baby would be the worst thing in the world?" She stood there, tears had disappeared, her face hardened and her arms folded in front of her.

He looked at her, a little irritated himself, "Whoa, now hold on a minute? We had a deal to not bring up the past."

"Deal's off, Cowboy. We need to go home." She stood her ground.

He sighed, "Alright, if the deals off, then maybe we should talk." His face softening again, as he sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him suggesting her to sit down too.

She didn't budge, just shook her head. She didn't want to sit down.

"Alright, suit yourself, Freckles. Let's think about this for a minute." He moved his hands around as he spoke, as if that would give the words any more meaning. "We had sex quite a bit on that island too. Unprotected sex I might add, and you didn't end up pregnant." His eyes met hers, and she nodded.

"So, first off, what are the odds that you would get pregnant now, from something we did a couple of hours ago. You took your pill yesterday, right?"

"Right!" She said in response, unfolding her arms, her face not so tight and angry anymore.

He continued when he saw her relaxing her stance, "And let's not forget why I thought us having a baby would have been a bad call. According to Juliet, pregnant women were dying on the island. That's what she'd said when she was helping Claire shortly after arriving at the beach. You do recall that, right?"

She nodded, looking to the floor, placing her hands on her hips.

"And I had already told you that I wanted to stay on that island. You and me together. You being pregnant would have been a really bad idea back then, you with me on this?"

She nodded again, looking at him this time.

"So now, we're in no danger, no island, no freighter people out to kill us. Everything's different. We're different. We're married too. So I think it would definitely not be the worst thing in the world if you and me have a baby." He stared at her, waiting for her reaction.

Her eyes spelled confusion. Was he really saying what she thinks he's saying? She asked, "So, are you saying you want to have a baby?"

He stood up, "Do I want a baby? Hell, Freckles, I don't know. I'm happy with just us, but if we would find out that you were pregnant, then … it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. That's all I'm saying."

She walked over to him and framed his face to kiss him. He wrapped her in his arms, pulling her close.

Then he asked, "Do you?"

"I don't know. I mean, I thought that that wasn't even an option anymore. I thought you didn't want to have kids." She looked up at him, tears stinging at her eyes again.

"If you want to have babies, I'm more than happy to give you babies, mamacita."

She started crying again hiding her face in his tight embrace. Then she looked up at him, just nodding her head, then said the same thing he said, "It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

He smiled, "Alrighty then, whatever happens happens."

Her lips crushed into his again, he'd definitely said the right things this time around. While they were kissing, she nudged him backwards towards the bed. Because she wanted 'whatever happens', to happen real soon.

XXXXXXXXX 

About three month later – Claire's house

"We got this." Miles said, as he tied Aaron's shoe for him. "You two just go and paint each other's toenails, or whatever it is you two do when we're not around."

Kate and Claire looked at each other, rolling their eyes at Miles remark. James smiled in response.

"Alright, we're good to go." Miles pulled Aaron up to a standing position.

Aaron ran over to Claire and kissed her, "Bye momma."

"Bye baby, and listen to Miles and Uncle James."

Miles came over too, and kissed Claire bye. When they broke away from the peck like kiss they looked over at James and Kate kissing passionately.

"Uh-hum." Miles let out a fake cough. "Honeymoon's over you two. And there are children watching."

James slowly pulled away from the kiss, smiling and looking over at Miles, "There is a child watchin', just one." He kissed Kates lip one last time, and let her out of the hug. "Bye." She smiled back, "Bye."

They started walking towards the door, James turned around and mouthed 'I love you' towards Kate, but no sound escaping his lips. She mouthed 'me too' back to him. He winked and they left through the front door.

As soon as the front door shut, Claire looked up at Kate and said, "What now?"

"TV and chocolate ice cream?"

"Sounds perfect."

Kate walked over to the fridge and got the ice cream out of the freezer, while Claire got two bowls and spoons out.

Settling on the couch, switching mindlessly through channels, eating their ice cream in complete silence. No Aaron running wild, not James and Miles arguing about sports. This was pure bliss.

"So, are you gonna tell me what's going on, or do I have to fish for it?" Claire looked up from her bowl, then shoved a big spoon full into her mouth.

"I'm not pregnant." She looked over at Claire, disappointed.

"But you just started trying. I've heard it sometimes takes a while."

"I know, it's just that I always thought …" She shook her head.

"What?" Claire wanted to know now, curious what her friend was thinking.

"I guess I just thought with all the sex we've been having, it would happen right away."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No." She looked up surprised. "No, he doesn't even look at this as trying. He said 'whatever happens happens'. He's content either way."

"Hmm." Claire just made a sound.

"Hmm what?"

"I read in this magazine about these couples trying to get pregnant, and this one couple got pregnant the moment they'd given up on ever becoming parents. They said the constant wishing and worrying about wanting a baby had stressed them to the point, where they couldn't get pregnant."

"So what? You're saying I should not wish or hope to get pregnant and then I'll get pregnant? That makes absolutely no sense at all." She licked her spoon clean, the ice cream was all gone.

"I'm just saying, maybe you should just relax, enjoy being married to him, just like you were before you knew he wanted babies with you."

"I don't know. But it's easier said than done. I guess I can try. But I think I'll need more ice cream to get used to the thought of letting go."

Claire smiled and grabbed her bowl, "Coming right up. Now pick us a good channel, something romantic. We gotta take advantage of the fact that today there will be no boys in the house." 

XXXXXX 

He unlocked the front door to their house, and got out of the way to let her go in first. She walked straight into the living room, and put her purse down on the little coffee table by the couch. She yawned as she slumped down onto the couch, positioning a pillow under her head to get more comfortable.

He sat down too, pulling her shoes off for her, then pulling his own shoes off, and snuggling up next to her.

"What are you so tired from?" he said looking at her yawning again. "Miles and I had Aaron all day."

He yawned too. It's contagious.

"We were too lazy I think, watched tv and ate ice cream the entire time you guys were gone." She covered her mouth yawning again.

He got up and got a pillow from the other sofa. Then both of them just laid down, him with his back towards the back of the couch. Her back to his chest, cuddling up while he flipped through the tv channels.

"I thought about writing a book." He blurted out.

She turned around to look at him, "Really? Why?"

"I don't know. Just something that crossed my mind the other day. I thought about writing about everything that happened to us. The only thing is, I would probably have to declare it 'fiction' … nobody would believe half the shit we've been through to be actual facts."

"Huh." She sighed, and turned back towards the tv, snuggling into him and resting her head on his arm. "Maybe you should write it. I'd read it for sure, would be interesting to see your point of view on things that happened."

He put the remote down, moved the hair away from her neck and kissed it. It tickled her, and she squirmed around for a moment, until he stopped.

"You wanna go upstairs, Freckles." He said with his growling bedroom voice.

To his surprise, she sat up, looking at him. "Why are you the way you are?" She said, looking at him as if this was a perfectly acceptable question.

"Excuse me?" he raised his eyebrows and sat up to be face to face with her.

"You know. You have those moments when you're acting like a real ass. Saying all the wrong things at the wrong time. You pick fights with me for nothing. Drive me up the wall sometimes. But then … then you turn around and hold the door open for me. Make me breakfast and bring it to me in bed. Cuddle with me on the couch. And the sex." She blushed a little. "You're always making sure that I …" She couldn't say it.

He smirked, and finished her sentence "That you're satisfied."

"Yeah, why is that? Why are you the way you are? Like a split personality?"

He sighed, then laid back down, "Can't tell ya'."

"Why not?" She pouted.

"Cause a deal's a deal, Freckles."

"So this has to do with your past? Just talk to me, James, please?"

He sighed again. "But if I tell you, then you can't hold it against me. Deal's still a deal."

She nodded, "Deal's a deal, I just want to know what goes on in your head sometimes."

He sat up to face her again, "You know what I did before we crashed on that island."

She nodded again.

"Well, these women that I conned, they all had one thing in common. They were all married, had a nice house, had money and a husband that seemed nice enough to buy them anything they wished for." He looked in her eyes, and he knew she was beginning to understand. "But what they didn't have was romance, chivalry and all that good stuff … they were very unsatisfied in that department. So that's where I came in, and who can blame them really … most of them probably got no more than 5 minutes and a wet spot on their side of the bed with their husband."

She made a face, and started to regret having asked him to tell her, looking down.

He saw her looking away, but continued anyways. "So knowing what I know now, being married myself I've decided to make sure you'll never be unsatisfied in any department."

She looked back up at him. "I'd never cheat on you."

"I know that. But still, even though I might be a jerk and act like one most of the time, in the back of my mind I know you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And when I remember that, then I remember to treat you like the best thing that ever happened to me." He smiled at her with those sad puppy dog eyes.

She moved closer to him, snuggling into him once again, hugging him tightly. "No matter how big of a jerk you are, you are the best thing that ever happened to me too. You're the first person that accepted me, even though you knew I'd killed someone, but you wanted me anyways."

He held her close, "We are really something, aren't we, Freckles?" He kissed her hair. She didn't say anything.

"And while we're on the subject, Freckles. I might not say I love you all the time, and neither do you. And that's alright, that's just not us, and I get that … but no matter what, I do love you!"

"I love you too."


	13. Chapter 13 Missing pieces

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Author's Notes:**

This is a little chapter called 'Missing pieces'

It has recaps from the episode 'Recon' to explain why and how (in my mind) James and Kate became closer again.

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Flashback

Kate looked over at James and asked, "What are you doing running errands for Locke?"

"I ain't running errands for nobody."

"He said he sent you over to the other island. Did you find the plane?"

"Yeah, and that ain't the only thing over there. Guy named Widmore set up camp over on the beach. Got a whole team with him - guys with guns - they're here for Locke."

"So what are you gonna do?" She can't take her eyes off him.

He looks over at her, "I'm gonna let them fight it out. And while they got their hands full with each other...you and me are getting the hell off this Island."

She smiles, happy that he included her in his plans again. "Even if we could get on that plane, who's gonna fly it?"

"We ain't taking the plane, Freckles. We're taking the sub." Their eyes locked on each other and James can't help but form a half smile on his face. He looked at her as if he had it all figured out.

They sat there in silence for a while, her still poking the fire with the stick. She watched Claire across the camp settling down for the night. This whole day had just been hell … Claire trying to kill her, she couldn't find James. But then again, had James been there when that happened, he'd probably have killed Claire. Or at least he wouldn't have just sat there and watched it, doing nothing like Sayid.

But now, what he'd said to her just a little while ago, it gave her new hope … he'd made plans for the both of them to get off the island together.

He got up and walked away to get something to drink. As she watched him walk off, out of nowhere she felt overwhelmed with emotions. Not wanting to start crying in front of him and the rest of the champ that was still awake, she got up herself and disappeared into the jungle.

She walked into the darkness of the jungle, just left that fire burning and her blanket lying on the ground. The only thing she took was her rifle. She started running, couldn't even see what was in front of her. Tears were starting to fall down her cheeks. When she felt she'd gotten far enough, she sat down on the ground, finding herself leaning against a tree, crying. Claire was crazy, and sure she did apologize, but for whatever reason, she didn't buy the apology. She wished she could just believe Claire was sorry, but there was something about her … like when she held her hand right after arriving at Locke's Camp … it wasn't sincere, it was fake!

James on the other hand … she thought she'd lost him, but he just restored her faith in him, when he said they'd both get off the island together. The more she thought about it, the more she couldn't breathe. Trying to catch her breath between sobs.

She forced herself to stop crying when she heard a noise in the darkness of the jungle. Something or someone was coming towards her. She picked up her rifle and pointed it to where the noise was coming from. She heard footsteps coming closer, and she could feel her heart starting to race ... wishing she hadn't left camp. Wondering if it was Claire again to attack her, wishing she hadn't left James' side.

Right at that thought, James walked out of the darkness, right in the line of fire of her rifle. When she saw that it was him, she sighed and lowered the gun. Her body collapsing again towards the ground, leaning against the tree again.

"Hey, why'd you wander off into the jungle? You shouldn't be out here alone."

She didn't want to answer, cause she knew the moment she'd speak, he'd be able to tell that she was crying.

"What? You're not talking to me anymore, Freckles." He came closer. Standing there looking down at her sitting on the ground.

She had to speak, "I-I just needed to be alone for a minute." Her voice breaking, it was obvious.

He sighed, still looking at her, then looking around if anyone had followed him too. They were alone. He sat down, and without saying a thing pulled her onto his lap and into his arms. First she tried to fight it, but then she just let him hold her. Her sobs got louder again, and she cried, tears soaking through his dark blue shirt, while she held onto him for dear life. As bad as she felt about Claire, she had needed him, wanted his arms around her since the moment she'd gotten back to the island. Hell, who was she lying to? She'd wanted his arms around her since the moment he'd jumped from that helicopter over 3 years ago.

He stayed silent, just held her tight, let her cry it out. He was wondering what had brought this on. Was it because he'd admitted that he wanted to get off the island with her? Was it because she still had feelings for him? He knew he still had feelings for her … never stopped loving her. He wished he wasn't so afraid himself. He wished he would just have the guts to ask why she was crying. Afraid that she might say she still loved him, but also afraid that she might say that wasn't the reason after all. Had he done this to her when he'd lied about that ring? Was she crying because he said he had planned on proposing to Juliet? Would she stop crying if he told her the truth? If he told her that ring was hers all along. His heart ached … too broken himself to comfort her, but here he was holding her.

She was sitting in between his legs, both her legs hanging over his thigh. Snuggling into him. Her face buried in his shirt, she was still crying, he could feel her tears soaking through, making his shirt stick to his skin. Both her arms wrapped around him, he had one arm around her waist, the other hand in her hair, holding her close in his arms.

He had to know … he wanted to know. His lips by her ear whispering, "What happened Kate? Why are you crying?"

She lifted her head, looking at him, tears on her cheeks, shaking her head softly, "I don't know."

For a moment he saw her stand in front of him in that cage, same tears running down, same look on her face, same I don't know coming from her lips, after she'd kissed him with those lips.

"Sure you do. Just tell me, Freckles." His hopes were high, hoping she'd say it first, say that she wants him, missed him, loved him. If she says it first, then I'll say it too. I'll cowboy up and admit to everything. Please say it Kate.

She wiped her cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears best she could. Then she said, "Claire"

His heart sunk again. Of course this was about Claire, he was an idiot to think she was actually crying about him.

Kate continued, "Claire tried to kill me when you were gone."

His eyes wide open, what did she just say? "What?" He framed her face with both hands, so she wouldn't look away from him. "How? What happened?"

Kate told him the whole story. The knife to her throat. Sayid just looking on. Everybody else just standing around watching. The whole conversation with Locke or whoever he was. The hug and apology that she didn't buy. She told him everything, not just the facts, but also her thoughts on it all.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her face. Juliet was dead, he'd lost her and the pain he felt was unbearable … or so he thought. But this right now, this was unbearable. All he could think about was how he would have taken a gun to his own head, had he come back from Hydra Island and found out that Kate had been killed while he was gone. He pulled her close, held her tight, tighter then he had ever held her.

His stubbles rubbing against her cheek, she could feel his heart racing. She needed this, needed to know that he still cared this much about her. She wished she could tell him how much she needed this. Finally she spoke again,

"I was looking for you. I needed you. I couldn't find you."

He answered, his lips right by her ear, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I'll keep you save now."

When she heard those words, she sighed. His hot breath on her neck and her ear, his fingers on her skin. This was almost too much … she shouldn't feel this way. He's in love with Juliet, he's heartbroken about Juliet. She'd finally stopped crying altogether, trying to pull away … trying to get out of his tight embrace. As she pulled away, their eyes met ... it was dark, but the moonlight shining through the trees let them see each others face.

Her heart was pounding. So was his. This is wrong … this shouldn't happen. Not like this. Not after Juliet had just died.

They couldn't help it. Their lips like magnets pulling towards each other. His eyes lost in hers. His lips slightly brushing over hers. It's going to happen … neither of them had any strength left to stop this from happening. Both of them hurt and heartbroken … for the most part due to each other's inability to say what they really felt. But maybe they didn't need to. Maybe what would happen here now, would speak volumes … saying I still love you without making a sound.

A sound in the jungle. And just like that they were snapped out of this moment, both of them turning their head towards the sound. She got up, grabbing her gun again. He did too, pulling his gun, pointing it towards the noise, he stepped in front of Kate.

Whatever or whoever this is, is only getting to her over my dead body.

The noise stopped … silence again. Must have been an animal.

He turned around, looking at her, "You ready to get back?"

She just nodded.

Both of them walked in silence back to the camp. She settled into her makeshift tent, without asking he settled in there with her. Not close enough to touch. None the less, anyone had to get past him to get to her. This is how it would be from now on, he'll protect her, this is how it would have to be. 


	14. Chapter 14 We don't have to be perfect

**Author's Notes:**

This was fun to write but sometimes hard too. It's hard for me to picture them always happy and content with each other. But anyways, this Chapter is mostly to demonstrate how happy they are with each other, but also to kinda pave the way for the following chapters to come. Bear with me, most of it will have a point in the overall story that is Skate! Please read and review if you like it! Thank you for still reading! Some parts of these tidbits of their life together were inspired by the songs Perfect and I just want to be mad for a while. Thought I should give credit.

* * *

><p>5am – Sawyer and Kate's home<p>

Last night they went to bed not talking. Cause they'd already said too much. She faced the wall he faced the window. Bound and determined not to touch. They've been married 5 months now.

She tries to sleep some more, but can't seem to find any rest. Thoughts of them filling her mind.

A few hours later in the kitchen

He smiles at her walking in as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

She doesn't smile, looks at him and says, "I'm still mad at you this morning."

He holds up the coffee and answers, "Coffee's ready if you want some." He takes his cup and starts walking over to the cupboard, getting him a bowl out and then the cereal. Trying to ignore her mood, but then she says.

"I've been up since 5." He turns his head, looking at her, she continues, "Thinking about me and you. And I've got to tell you the conclusion I've come to."

He doesn't say anything, just leans against the kitchen counter, folding his arms in front of him. Wondering why she's still so mad, he didn't think their little argument yesterday was worth all the trouble.

She leans against the counter on the opposite side of him, facing him and also folding her arms, mirroring his stance, before she just blurts everything out that's on her mind,

"I'll never leave. I'll never stray. My love for you will never change. But I ain't ready to make up, we'll get around to that. I think I'm right. I think you're wrong. I'll probably give in before long."

A big smile forms on his face, as his arms unfold and are now just casually holding onto the counter behind him.

She says, "Please don't make me smile. I just wanna be mad for awhile." And with that she turns around and leaves the kitchen.

"Duly noted." He stands there and sighs, then turns around to get that cereal out to pour himself a bowl. He pours the cereal and the milk and settles down on one of the barstools surrounding the island in the middle of the kitchen. Still not seeing what the big deal was about last night. A stupid argument about men and women, and going out on a boys night, relationships and what not's … for what? They were fine.

He'd leave her alone for a little while; let her cool off … although he'd figured she'd be cooled off by this morning. He took another bite of the frosted flakes, turning the cereal box around to read the back. Anything to take his mind off of Kate is appreciated. She's a drama queen, that's for sure, he thought.

He's done with breakfast, pours himself another cup of coffee. He had to admit, he doesn't like to go to bed fighting either … definitely needed the caffeine right now, didn't really get a good night's sleep. Every time he tried to get closer to her, even ever so slightly, she made a point of pushing his hand off of her. As he pondered that thought, he shook his head to himself. This has to stop right now.

Right that moment she walked back into the kitchen. She had obviously taken a quick shower, and got dressed. Ready to leave the house. The smell of her perfume filling the kitchen.

He looked at her. Damn she's beautiful with her hair falling down like that. She ignores his obvious stare and walks over to get herself a cup of coffee.

He watches her every move. As she's standing there, back turned to him, putting sugar in her coffee and steering it, he walks up behind her.

He puts his hands around her waist, trying to pull her close to him.

"For now you might as well forget it," she says.

His fingers playing with her curls now.

She hisses at him, "And don't run your fingers through my hair"

He uses his sexy bedroom voice on her, his lips hovering right by her ear, "Damn you're stubborn, freckles."

She turns around to face him, "Yeah that's right, I'm being stubborn."

He leans in and whispers into her ear again.

She looks up at him as if he's lost his mind. "No James, I don't want to go back upstairs."

She pushes him out of the way, "I'm going to leave."

"Leave and go where?" he's a little irritated now that she just blew him off like that.

"Claire's" She grabs her purse and heads for the front door, then adds looking back at him as he followed her out of the kitchen into the hallway, "Without a goodbye kiss."

He makes a face as if he's hurt, saying "Ouch" as he's putting both his hands over his heart, suggesting she just broke it.

Why does he have to look this good. His tan skin, in his dark blue boxers, no shirt, no shoes … his hair falling ever so slightly in his face. those piercing eyes and adorable dimples. She sighs. He smiles now. She smiles, looks away from him … DAMN IT!

She looks back up at him, "Okay."

"Okay?" he says.

She shuts the front door, tossing her purse on the little table in the hallway. She grabs his hand, pulling him up the stairs with her.

-  
>Later that day at Claires<p>

Claire and Kate sitting on the porch swing, watching Aaron playing with one of the neighbor kids in the backyard.

"He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing."

"You kinda are, Kate." Claire looked over at her friend.

"So you're agreeing with him now?"

"I'm just saying that if he wants to have a guys night out, I don't think his intentions are to meet other women. We were back from the island for what? 7 or 8 month before both of you finally got back together? The entire time he was single, not once showing interest in anyone or meeting anyone. And I gotta tell you, when we went somewhere, just me, him and Aaron, there were more than enough women eyeing him. He is really good looking … he didn't have to wait around for you, but he did!"

"But see, that's exactly my point. You, him and Aaron together, looking like a happy little family, and still women checking him out. What's gonna stop some slut from hanging all over him when it's just him and Miles?"

"He's not like that. He's happily married to you. You just have to trust him."

"I do trust him, I don't trust those other women. Why are you so okay with this? Why don't you care about Miles going out and possible meeting other women?"

She sighed, "I don't know. I'm content the way we are. But …"

"But what?"

"But he's not Charlie, you know."

Kate understood. This conversation had come to an abrupt stop. She never talked about Charlie. They stayed silent for a while.

All of a sudden Claire spoke again, "Did you know that he told him about Charlie?"

Kate was confused, "Who told who?"

"Sawyer. I walked in the other day, and I guess he didn't hear me walk in. Anyways, he was sitting on the couch with Aaron, reading a book. Or so I thought. But then I heard him tell Aaron about a man named Charlie. He said to Aaron, Charlie used to carry you around all day. Always making sure you were alright. He's the one that made me read to you, so you'd stop crying." Claire looked over at Kate.

Both women wiping tears away.

Kate said, "I didn't know he did that."

"He did. And it was heartbreaking and yet so nice to hear someone else think about Charlie."

Claire looked over at her and then put her hand over Kates. "I know how Sawyer is sometimes. He talks a big game. Acts as if he's right, even when he knows he's wrong. But so are you sometimes. It's like the two of you are one and the same. Anyways, my point is this. He loves you, you love him. You both made it off the island together, found each other again after everything that happened. There is no way he would ever throw that away. Trust me, because I had to take care of him when you left and stayed with Cassidy for 3 weeks. He loves you more than anyone he's ever loved, I'm sure of it."

-  
>Another couple weeks had passed. They always had their little fights now and then, but nothing too mayor. Overall they were happy. They loved each other, no doubt, and despite their always clashing personalities, they made it work … it was hard sometimes, but they made it work.<p>

Sawyer was driving around Los Angeles, when he noticed Kate's car parked by the hospital. That's weird he thought, cause Kate hadn't mentioned anything about having a doctor appointment. He had a few errands to run, had a meeting with someone today about writing a book himself. Possibly getting published.

Later that evening …

When he walked in he immediately smelled something burning. He walked in the kitchen to find Kate standing there with what looked like a burned steak on a plate. In her hand.

"Hey." He said and immediately when she saw him, tears started rolling down her cheeks. "What's going on? Why are you crying?"

Through tears she said, "I burned dinner. " She held the plate up for him to see, then put it down on the counter. Then held up her arm that had a red mark on it, "And I burned my arm."

"Whoa", he said, walking over to the freezer, he grabbed a bag of frozen veggies and walked over to her. "Let me see." He inspected her arm and held the frozen peas on the red spot.

She calmed down, resting her body against him and sighed.

"What's going on? It's just a steak, it's no big deal. Damn sure no reason to cry." He looked down at her, then kissed her forehead, before he added, "I don't even like steak."

She looked up at him, "Liar, you love steak, that's why I was trying to make it for you, but then I got distracted talking to Cassidy on the phone … before I knew it the smoke detector was going off."

"Hey, look on the upside, at least the house didn't burn down." He tried to cheer her up. He could tell something was bothering her. "What's really going on? The steak isn't really the reason you're crying, is it?"

"Yeah, actually it is. I had this whole nice dinner planned, and I even put a dress on." She stepped back to show him her outfit. "Nice." He chimed in.

"Anyways, the steak burned, I got hurt, the stupid fire alarm wouldn't stop beeping, and right after it stopped you walk in. That's not how it was supposed to be, I wanted tonight to be perfect. I wanted to surprise you."

"That's why you're cryin?" He looked at her, she looked up at him, nodding her head, tears stinging at her eyes again. He picked her up and sat her on the kitchen counter, wedging himself between her legs, taking the peas in his hands again and holding it onto the burned spot on her arm. With his other hand, he gently cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him. His eyes locked on hers, when he began to speak,

"If we never make it to Paris on a lovers getaway, it's alright. If you rather wear one of my t-shirts then a sexy negligee, it's alright. If Cassidy doesn't like the way I treat her best friend, it's alright. If in every wedding picture, your Daddy looks close to tears and Captain Bunny-killer grins like the Cheshire Cat, it's alright." She started smiling, he always knew how to bring a smile back on her face.

But he wasn't finished, "I've read a lota books in my life, freckles. Don't you know that all the fairy tales tell a lie? Real love and real life doesn't have to be perfect. Baby, every little piece of the puzzle doesn't always fit perfectly. Love can be rough around the edges. Tattered at the seams. But honey if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me." He raised her arm up and kissed her little burned mark on her arm, before putting the icy pea bag back on it. All her tears had disappeared, but still he continued "I don't mind if you show up late for everything. And when you lose your cool it's kinda cute to me. Every dinner doesn't have to be candle lit. Ain't it kinda nice to know that we don't have to be perfect all the time." She nodded at him. He leaned down and kissed her.

He looked around the kitchen, the smell of something burned still lingering in the air. "Alright, I tell you what. I go get changed, and then I'll take my wife out for dinner tonight. What do you think?"

"Sounds perfect." Kate looked at him. She loves him so much, especially when he was like this, saying all the right things, being a gentleman … how did she ever get so lucky.

-  
>A little while later at a restaurant across town<p>

They had already ordered their food. He had ordered them a bottle of wine, and they were toasting to themselves at how far they'd come.

"So, besides the burned arm, how was your day honey?" He said, putting the glass back down.

She said, "Fine. I went shopping, that's where I bought this dress actually, … and that's about it." She couldn't look him in the eye. He noticed it, … why was she lying. What the hell was going on?

"That it? That's all you did today?"

"Yup, that's it. I went shopping, then went straight home. I took a long nice bath and started dinner. We know how that turned out." She finally looked up, shy smile on her lips looking at him.

Alright then, don't know what's up, but I'll figure it out eventually.

She asked him, "What about you? You haven't even told me about your meeting?"

"It didn't go so well. They are more interested in what really happened, as in if anything happened between me and Claire while we were all alone for 3 years." He smirked.

"Nice." She raised her glass and took another sip.

"Yeah, they're not interested about a mystical island story. They want an autobiography."

"Maybe you should write a book anyways, just for me to read." She winked at him.

-  
>They seemed fine, happier than ever actually. No fights, none. Life would've been great if he only knew why she didn't tell him about going to the hospital. Being the suspicious person that he is, he followed her 4 days later. She said she's going shopping again, that alone was suspicious enough, … she wasn't that kind of girl. So he'd followed her, and sure enough, she went back to the hospital. But later that night gave him pretty much the same story again, about how she just went shopping. At his wits end, and afraid to rock the boat, especially since they were so happy right now, he turned to Claire.<p>

"So why don't you just ask her?"

"It's too late now, I could have asked her that first night. Could have said that I saw her car by the hospital, but I didn't. And now, days later confronting her about it? I'd have to admit that I knew she'd lied, and then I'd have to admit that I followed her." He looked lost.

"Look, I swear she hasn't said anything to me about going to the doctor. But if I had to guess what this is about, I would say it's the whole baby issue."

"What baby issue?" he was clueless.

"She said that you guys decided to have a baby after all, while you were on your honeymoon."

"Well, I wouldn't really put it that way, we kinda just said if it happens then it happens."

"Yeah, I know. She said that too. But she really wants a baby with you, and it hasn't happened yet. So, maybe she went to the doctor to get checked out, to see if there is a reason why she hasn't gotten pregnant yet."

He shook his head in disbelieve. "I had no idea she was so serious about this." He felt a pain in his chest. And then the sudden urge to punch something. Why wasn't he able to give her babies … maybe something was wrong with him. He was 40 already. He sighed. "I gotta go."

He stormed out of Claires house, mad at himself for being so oblivious of her needs, her wants. How did he miss the whole baby thing … how could he not have seen that. Here he thought they were fine. Perfectly imperfect together. The only thing really imperfect was him, not being able to get her pregnant.

He hadn't said a thing. Everything seemed fine. She wouldn't leave his side, spend every minute of every day together over the last few days. Claire had promised not to say anything, to keep their little discussion to themselves, as always. That's where Kate was right now, over at Claires. He'd pretended that he'd started to write his book, said he needed some time alone to get at least one chapter done. Everything of course top secret … she wouldn't be allowed to read it until it was finished. When in reality, there was nothing to read. She'd lied to him about just going shopping, not mentioning the hospital, and now the lie had come full circle with him lying to her about the book and why he didn't want to go over to Claires and Aarons.

He stared at the phone lying in front of him on the table. This is probably a really bad idea he thought, but he wanted to know. He had to know what she was up to. The last time he'd talked to Gordy was after he'd left Cassidy's house with her money. Splitting the profits with him. Cassidy had filed charges against him, Gordy got away, cause he didn't give him up. Suppose he owes me, and with that he picked up the phone and started dialing, and sure enough that son of a bitch answered.

He'd set up a meeting with Gordy.

"Find out anything you can about Kate Austen."

"You mean Kate Ford? Last thing I heard, you two got hitched. So what's going on? What do you want to know that you can't just ask your own wife about?"

Sawyer wasn't gonna discuss his life with this scumbag. "100k, mainly I need to know about medical records, or why she keeps going to the hospital."

"Maybe Karma came to bite you in the ass my friend. Maybe your wife found herself a rich doctor, having meetings in the on-call room." Slick grin forming on Gordys face.

Sawyer could feel the anger building up in him. He had to leave before he'd lose his temper. "Call me when you got what I need." And with that, he just walked away. He didn't want to be seen with that scumbag … he wasn't that guy anymore. Hadn't been that guy for a long time.

-  
>Several weeks later – Sawyer and Kate's home<p>

Entangled in each other's arms, naked. She closed her eyes. He looked at her, so beautiful, ... and to think this beautiful woman is my wife.

"We have to get up eventually." She said when she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"We got all the time in the world right now. I don't have to leave right this minute."

She looked over to his packed suitcase and frowned. "What if I leave you all alone? All to yourself and go over to Claire's first thing in the morning, that way I wouldn't be distracting you from writing."

He frowned at her. "You'd still be too close, and I wouldn't be able to think about anything but this, right here. You. Naked. Sex." He grinned from ear to ear. "It's like I'm reliving my twenties, except that it's only you and not a different girl every night."

She punched him on the shoulder, and he let out a laugh. "It was a joke, sugarplum." She knew it was a joke, but none the less, he deserved a punch from her every now and then.

"You know what I just realized." She looked over at him, while running her finger over his chest … again and again.

"What's that?" He asked while playing with her curls again, holding her naked tiny body close to him.

"The only time we ever spend apart from each other was when we had that fight that time, after we made out. And then when I went to Cassidys … that's it. Even when we weren't dating, we still were together pretty much every day."

He leaned closer to her, kissing her hair, "Guess you're right, freckles. And considering all of that, spending so much time with each other, it's kinda nice we never fight anymore."

She got up and leaned over him to kiss him. "It's real nice." She climbed on top of him and getting lost in the moment, his kisses and his touch once again. She wished it could always be like this, but life doesn't work that way.


	15. Chapter 15 The end! Or is it?

A few hours later

"You're sure you don't want to have lunch with me before you head out?" She's trying to stall.

She doesn't want him to leave. Last night and this morning had been nothing short of incredible. Some nights it was just a rush, an urge, an itch to scratch … hot and bothered, that's what he calls it. But even those times were amazing to say the least.

But last night? Last night had been different. He's been different. Thought after all this time he wouldn't be able to surprise her anymore. He knew what she liked, and she knew how he ticked. If their entire relationship would be determined on how well their sex life was, … hell, they'll live happily ever after!

"I'm sorry, hon', but I really have to hit the road. They liked my rough draft of that first chapter after all, so I have to get busy now." He had to do this now – get it over with before he changed his mind again. Everything was planned out. Everything was set up. It was now or never.

They walked out to the garage together, he put his suitcase in the trunk of his car, and put his laptop-bag on the backseat. She watched him with sad eyes, she'd never thought she'd miss him leaving for just a few days. Even when they were at their worst, she still wanted his company … and nowadays, they've been so good together.

Sure, she'd bit her tongue more than once … but she knew so had he. Both of them putting their best foot forward, giving this marriage their best try. As nice as it was, something had to change again.

He'd changed over the last 3 weeks. A change for the better? Maybe? He was so attentive to her. Reading her mind, … almost surreal. She knew he was trying to be perfect for her. And sure, it was nice … sometimes, but she didn't want perfect, she wanted Sawyer. Her Sawyer … pain in the ass and all.

Maybe I'll have a talk with him when he gets back from his little trip, she thought. As she watched him, she realized that he seemed kinda sad too that he had to leave. He's an idiot, she thought … this was his idea. Just stay!

"You know, you can still change your mind. I'll even unpack your suitcase for you." She gave him her most charming smile, her own dimples showing. Leaning against the doorframe that leads out to the garage, her arms crossed in front of her. Just stay … 3 years was long enough. Don't want to spend a day without you.

He sighed as he took in the smile on her face. "As tempting as that sounds, freckles, no can do."

The car was loaded, he shut the trunk. Opened the door on the drivers side of his car.

She walked over to him, and he scooped her up. Wrapping her in his arms, breathing her in, kissing her neck, her feet not touching the ground.

"I love you Kate." His nose buried in her hair, smelling it one last time. It smelled like her shampoo.

"I love you too." Her hot breathe in the crook of his neck. He could feel his body responding to her.

She hugged him tight again.

"I'll be back before you know it." He'd slipped. He shouldn't have said that. Wished he could take it back.

He took in the sight of her. Those blue jeans, that blue shirt, her hair braided, still wet from showering together.

That smile, those eyes, the freckles. He took it all in one last time. He swallowed, frowned when she didn't see it. Then plastered on a fake smile, "And you have fun Thursday night with everyone here, alright freckles?"

"Alright. Having everybody over is going to be so much fun, you'll never hear the end of it and you'll regret havin' missed it for the rest of your life." She smirked at him.

"I probably will, sweetheart." And he wasn't even lying.

"And I'm making your favorite. Steak."

"Just don't burn it, sugar." He smirked, but then realized what he'd said and stopped himself. "But you know, I'll eat a burned steak from you any day, freckles. I'll eat it with a grin, even if it tastes just like a Goodyear tire."

"And how would you even know what a Goodyear tire taste like? Back in the good old days when the conning didn't go so well?"

He chuckled. "Funny. Anyway, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more."

He let her out of the hug, framed her face with both hands, kissed her passionately one more time, then got in his car and started backing out of the garage. She walked out after him, standing in her driveway watching him drive away. As he drove off, her heart ached just at the thought of not seeing him for a few days.

This was so stupid … I'm being so stupid. How did I ever manage 3 years without him?

Aaron, that's how.

If I had a baby to keep me busy, this wouldn't be so hard. Here I am, all grown up, no longer running from the law, married to the love of my life and upset because he's leaving for a few days. She rolled her eyes at herself. I'm being stupid.

I just don't want to waste another minute without him, take all that I can get.

She stood there a while longer, until she couldn't see his car anymore.

He saw her standing there when he glanced up in the rearview mirror. Fading from his life. She was right. He could still change his mind. He could stop this car right here, right now and turn it back around.

Walk up to her. Be a man. Take a stand. Tell her that I know everything. Tell her that I know the truth. Tell her and drag her in this car with me, drive across country with her. That road trip he'd promised her when they were on their honeymoon … run with her! But it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't end any better. I know what I can't change. But I also know what I can.

This … he sighed, as he couldn't see her anymore in the mirror … this they couldn't run from.

She was gone. Her image had disappeared in the mirror. His face hardened as his heart broke. This was supposed to be happily ever after. He hit the steering wheel out of frustration. This wasn't supposed to end with him driving away. But I'll be damn if I start crying now like Karl did in the jungle. He furiously wiped that one stubborn single tear away that had managed to get past his determination not to cry. Cowboy up goddamnit! He hit the steering wheel again. His hand painful when he shook it, trying to shake the pain off again.

He started thinking about fate … destiny, all that nonsense Locke and then eventually Jack had been going on and on about. Maybe this was his destiny … Jacks words echoing in his ear as if it was yesterday 'If it's meant to be, it's meant to be' … if the last couple of weeks had shown him anything, guess Kate and I aren't meant to be! But then again … I don't speak destiny! With that thought, he reached behind him, pushing his hand down between the seat and his back, pulling the envelope from the back pocket of his jeans.

He looked at it for a second and then carefully put it on the empty passenger seat. A man does what he does, cause he wants something for himself! I know what I want, … he just wished he didn't have to break her heart and Clementines in the process. But there was no turning back now, everything was in motion.

Thursday night – Sawyer and Kate's house

She'd all her friends over. She'd decided not to cook. Everyone seemed fine with just ordering in. They'd ordered in, pizza.

Alcohol was being served, she even allowed Frank to smoke a big fat cigar in the house, but he had to sit by the back patio door, which was wide open. If Sawyer knew he'd be mad, she made him go outside to smoke.

Miles, Frank and Cassidy's fiancé Shawn were playing cards. Sawyer painfully absent! Can't play a good round of poker with just 3 guys, Frank had complained earlier.

Carole had agreed to keep Clementine and Aaron for the night, leaving Cassidy, Claire and Kate to talk amongst themselves in the living room.

Cassidy had officially taken over the bar, mixing fruity drinks, and everyone was starting to get a little tipsy by now.

"Him and Clementine are really getting along. She kinda adores him now. It's almost weird to witness. Who would have thought?" Cassidy explained her surprise over Sawyer bonding with his daughter over the last several months.

Claire rolled her eyes at Cass, "Of course she'd adore him, he's adorable, especially with kids."

Kate didn't say anything. That subject a little too touchy for her taste … she wanted to have babies with him more than anything. But by now, she pretty much knew that would never happen. She could never give him Babies, that and so many other things would never be in their cards.

She forced a smile on her face … not overly forced, thinking of him and Clementine together did bring a smile naturally. For someone that didn't see himself 'fit to be a father' he sure was doing an amazing job with Clem and even Aaron.

"Did you tell her?" Cassidy looked at Kate.

Kate startled out of her thoughts, asking confused, "Did I tell who what?"

"Did you tell Claire that Sawyer volunteered to coach Clementine in softball next spring? An all girls team, can you picture that?"

Claire laughed, "Oh my god, I'll have to see that. Maybe Aaron and I can tag along and watch, that should be hilarious. And you do realize that by the time the seasons over, all the girls will know how to cuss like a sailor. I can already hear them, 'Son of a bitch', 'what the hell'." Claire trying to mock little girl voices, but even after all this time living in the states, she couldn't shake her thick Australian accent.

Cassidy sighed, "Well, let's hope not. But it's always a possibility with Sawyer."

The topic changed and with that the mood got lighter for Kate. She started enjoying herself after a few more drinks mixed by Cassidy. She'd talked the girls into playing 'I never' with her … the stuff they'd discovered about each other after all this time, hilarious to say the least.

The music was playin', everyone was enjoying themselves. Sometime during the evening she'd tried to call Sawyer but his phone had gone straight to voicemail. She hadn't talked to him today. Last night she had, but just briefly, he said he was busy writing, so she let him go. In her tipsy state, she left a somewhat dirty voicemail for him. She laughed after hanging up the phone, imagining his face when he'd hear that message. She pictured him listening to that message and immediately calling her back, … phonesex, now there's something they'd never done! Oh, what a night. She did miss him already.

It was about midnight when the door bell rang. Cassidy said, "I got it, you relax freckles." She did like that nickname Sawyer had chosen for her best friend.

Claire and Kate were laughing about something funny Miles had said earlier, when Cassidy walked back in. Her face pale, all the blood drained from her face, … she looked at Kate, and immediately her and Claire knew something bad had happened. Their thoughts went to Aaron and Clementine, both of them jumping up from the couch. She'd felt so tipsy earlier, but was snapped out of it when she saw that look on her friends face … she felt stone cold sober within a second.

"Are you alright Cass?" Kate walking towards her. Claire turned the music off. Behind her a man and a woman walked in, both in police uniform.

"Good evening ma'am, " the man said.

Frank, Miles and Shawn came in as well. Kate just nodded, didn't say hi.

The man introduced himself, "I'm Officer Jameson and this is Officer Hayes, we are looking for Mrs. Ford. Wife of James Ford."

Kate stepped towards them, "That's me, I'm Mrs. Ford."

The officer swallowed and turned for a split second to look at his partner. "Mrs. Ford, we have to talk to you. Your husbands car was found parked outside a cabin about 25 miles south of Carmel."

Kate nodded, "Yeah, he rented a cabin for a few days up there."

The officer continued, "Ma'am, there was a fire, the cabin caught on fire. We can't be sure yet, but we have reason to believe …" The man stopped then said, "I'm very sorry…" He hesitated again.

"I'm sorry to inform you but we have reason to believe your husband has passed away."

She could see the man still talking, but didn't hear another word he said after this. She could see everyones face grimacing, tears rolling down Claire's face.

She felt like she was dreaming … this was a bad dream, somebody wake her up right this minute … I don't want to hear this.

She shook her head. She kept on shaking her head and yelled at the man standing in front of her,

"NO. No, you're mistaken, I just left a voicemail for him, … he'll be back in a few days. You're wrong."

Cassidy rushed to her side, saying something … everyones voice is just mumbled, she can't make out the words. This can't be happening to us. This isn't real. This is just a dream.

She saw everything turn black and white in front of her eyes. Her knees gave away, Cassidy grabbed a hold of her and Frank rushed over too.

Like a tv channel, bad reception … black, white, grainy, then fuzzy … then it all went black!

JUST BLACK!

Kate had the newspaper from a few days ago in her hand, staring at the article in the left bottom corner.

'Badly burned body remains unidentified.

The victim of a fatal weekend fire in Monterey County was burned so badly that an autopsy could not positively identify the body. The man's body was found after the fire was extinguished at a cabin on the Big Sur Campground early Thursday morning.

Frank Martin, director of the Medical Examiner's Office, said that dental and medical records will be used in an attempt to try to identify the man. If that doesn't work, DNA testing will be used, he said.

The cause of the fire remains under investigation, said Lt. Kevin Brand of the state fire marshal's office.'

Claire ripped the newspaper out of her hands. "You shouldn't be reading that."

Kate looked up, teary eyes, "I know."

She didn't get to see his body. It was her choice, but everyone had convinced her it was better this way. Remember him the way he was.

Cassidy had agreed to a DNA sample from Clementine to determine if it was Sawyer. DNA results were in. Any hope she'd left got destroyed!

She was sitting on her couch, wrapped up in a blanket. Blank stare on her face once again. Lost in her thoughts, … lost in what ifs.

"You have to get dressed Kate." She sat down beside her. Kates eyes were swollen and red, she'd been crying nonstop.

"I picked out a black dress from your closet already, but if you don't like it, then you need to go pick something else. But we really need to get you ready, we can't be late for the funeral."

Kate looked over at Claire, "Okay." She got up, both of them walked upstairs. She walked into her bedroom. The dress Claire had picked out was the same one she'd worn for Aaron's funeral … how fitting she thought.

Claire helped her get ready. At first Kate was more then reluctant to participate, but then all of a sudden she snapped out of it and even decided to put on Make-up. Claire didn't ask why? What had changed her mind? Everybody grieves differently, sudden changes in her mood are to be expected.

Everyone seemed to be walking around eggshells around her right now. And that thought sometimes infuriated her, but then 5 minutes later she'd appreciated it. Emotions were running high.

The memorial service was over. Claire had given a speech. Kate couldn't have. Claire's speech was nice but laced with lies. She had to lie, had to continue the ongoing story of how she got stranded on an island with him for three years. Claire loved him too. She knew that. Not in that way, but in a big brother she'd had but never really had kinda way.

Sawyer was like her big brother … ironic thinking back to that conversation on the raft after they'd gotten out of the sinking ajira airplane. "You're my sister, Claire Shephard."

Kate sat there quietly during Claire's speech. Claire was fighting tears the entire time she spoke. Sam reached over and tried to hold Kates hand, but she pulled hers away. The more sympathy she got right now, the more likely she was to break down in front of everyone. She'd be strong, for him. She's not a girly girl, … he knew that, she wasn't going to be one today! Cowboy up goddamnit, Kate!

Before they left the church to drive over to the cemetery, Miles walked up to her.

"I'm taking Clementine and Aaron home now."

Kate looked shocked, "You're not coming."

"I can't Kate. I can't go to the cemetery with you." He shook his head. Kate's never seen him so emotional about anything. He was his best friend. "I'm really sorry Kate." And with that he just turned around and left her standing there.

Sam ushered his daughter out to the car. Of course there were reporters outside the church. She didn't even care anymore … she was burying her husband today.

They were all standing around the grave. The priest was saying whatever it is they say at funerals. Kate didn't hear a thing he said, her own thoughts and little voices in her head drowning everyone else out. She didn't cry since they'd gotten here. This is it. My life with him is over.

They began to slowly lower the casket into the ground, when Kate stood up and almost yelled,

"Stop." Everyone stared at her, but they stopped the casket from moving.

She stumbled at first on her words, "I-I … I have to say something to him."

Claire walked up to her, holding onto her arm, afraid her friend might pass out again, "Go ahead."

Kate's chin started to quiver, she bit her lip to make it stop. She took in a deep breath, let it out slowly then began to speak, her eyes staring at the casket in front of her.

"If I would've known the way that this would end. If I would've read the last page first. If I would've had the strength to walk away."

Cassidy was about to say something, wanted to stop her friend from saying something she would later regret.

Claire knew better and stopped Cassidy, "Let her finish."

Kate looked at Cass, then at Claire for understanding, and continued,

"If I'd known how this would hurt." Kate's tears started rolling now, she couldn't pretend anymore, couldn't deny how painful this is.

Her voice breaking with every word, but with everyone being quite, she was still audible.

"I would've loved you anyway. Even if I'd seen it comin', you'd still have seen me runnin'. Straight into your arms."

Tears started falling, Claire cried with her.

The end of Mr. and Mrs. James Ford!

Or was it?


	16. Chapter 16 If something should happen

**Author's Notes:**

I couldn't leave you guys hanging with that horrible ending of the last chapter. So here it is. Please read and review if you like it.

* * *

><p>Just a few days later …<p>

After ringing the doorbell several times, he'd had enough. So Miles decided to retrieve the spare key from its hiding place and unlocked the front door. He opened it slowly, walking in even slower. He was uncomfortable. He could hear Sawyer in his head, "Quit acting like a damn girl, Enos." He'd made a promise to his best friend, and he was gonna follow through on it.

He slowly made his way into the living room. It was empty. The kitchen was empty too.

"Kate?" he yelled looking up the stairs. "Are you home?" He waited for a response. "Decent or not, I'm coming up now." Still no answer. He walked up the stairs. He heard music when he made it to the upstairs hallway. He knocked on the bedroom door, "Kate? It's me, Miles."

He walked in. He found her wrapped up in a blanket lying in bed.

"Hey." He said, making eye contact with her.

She looked at him, her eyes still red and swollen, "Hey." Her voice quiet.

He looked around the room, awkward, he noticed the music that was playing. "I didn't know you like Phil Collins."

"I don't." She answered back.

He sighed. This is going to be even harder then he thought. He sat down on the foot of the bed. Quiet himself now. She ignored him. The next song started playing. The room so quiet. Her lying there so quiet. He just sat there listening to the lyrics of the song playing.

'How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace  
>When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh<br>You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,  
>when all I can do is watch you leave<br>Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears  
>You're the only one who really knew me at all<p>

So take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space  
>And there's nothing left here to remind me,<br>just the memory of your face  
>Just take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space<br>And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.

I wish I could just make you turn around,  
>turn around and see me cry<br>There's so much I need to say to you,  
>so many reasons why<br>You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
>And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face<br>Just take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face  
>Just take a look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here<br>And you coming back to me is against all odds  
>It's a chance I've got to take.<p>

Just take a look at me now.'

The song was over. This was depressing … not that this entire situation wasn't depressing enough.

Miles looked over at Kate lying there, eyes wide open, red and swollen, just staring into space. He wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want her to be like this. What's done is done. That's what he'd say.

"Claire didn't tell you I was coming over?"

"Yeah, she told me." Kate looked at him.

"Then why are you still in bed?"

"The couch got uncomfortable after a while."

He walked over to her, reaching for her, "Com'on, lets get up. You shouldn't be lying around all day."

"I'm not dressed."

He backed off, "Oh, … well, then get dressed. I'll wait for you downstairs."

She didn't look happy, but she agreed, "Fine, but I really don't feel like coming over to Claire's right now. I'm not good company as you can see."

"That's fine, nobodys good company lately Kate. We all miss him. But Claire's right, you shouldn't be alone all day right now. You have to get out of the house sometime Kate."

"I got out of the house yesterday." She stated, sitting up now, still wrapped up like a burrito.

"Where did you go?" Miles was surprised.

"The Cemetery." She stated calm and collected all of a sudden.

"Oh, well, just get dressed so we can go." And with that he left the bedroom.

He walked downstairs, walked into the living room. He noticed a box sitting on the floor, didn't notice it earlier. He carefully opened the lid. Shit! That must be his stuff that they'd found in the cabin. He sighed again, and replaced the lid. He sat down. Then stood back up. He didn't know how to be, didn't know how to act. He tried his best to be himself, even under these circumstances.

If he wasn't such a coward, he would have went to the cemetery too. But he was afraid of being bombarded by hundreds of dead people speaking to him. So he'd chickened out. He'd owed him this, he'd owed Sawyer to at least see to it that Kate's alright!

Several minutes later, Kate finally walked in. "I'm dressed, are you happy now."

"No, not really. But at least you're dressed."

Kates eyes fell on the box, then she looked at Miles, "Lets get out of here then."

"Did you look through it yet?" Miles' question surprised her. She looked at him, and he continued to speak. "I opened the lid, it's his stuff, isn't it?"

She nodded, "Yeah, it's his stuff they found in the cabin. But no, I haven't looked through it yet." She looked like she was about to cry again.

"Well, I'm here now. We could look through it together if you'd like." We all have to start moving on somehow.

She stood there, and Miles could see her eyes shifting. She was thinking about it. Everybody is different, he thought. He's dying to know what's in that box and she? She's afraid of what's in it.

"Okay." She said to his surprise.

"Okay then." He answered. He picked up the box and put it on the floor right by the coffee table. He sat down on the couch, she sat down beside him. He started to get things out, laying them out on the coffee table. Nothing off importance. Miles was clearly disappointed. Kate picked everything up that Miles got out, just to put it right back down seconds later. As if she was trying to see if she could feel something when touching it. It was sad to witness, really. But then at the very bottom of the box was his laptop.

"His laptop." Miles blurted out. He sat it down and opened it up.

Kate looked disappointed now, "It's all melted. And has apparently been soaked."

She was right, the outer plastic casing had been melted, and the screen had a film on it, from moisture within the laptop. So it didn't get burned, but it got flooded when they'd tried to extinguish the fire.

Miles tried to turn it on anyways. And of course. It didn't work. Miles looked at Kate and said, "An old buddy of mine, a pipe broke in his apartment, flooded the entire downstairs cause he was out of town. His laptop got wet. I mean really wet. But it still worked."

"What do you mean? How?" Kate looked at him.

"He just took the battery out. Just left it alone to dry, and it started back up after a couple of days."

Both of them stared at the laptop for a moment. Miles turned it over, trying to get the battery out. But it didn't budge.

"Do you wanna find out if there's still something on here?"

"Of course, Miles. He'd already written one chapter. I'd love to have at least that. You really think it will start back up when it's dry?" She'd suddenly found something to do today. Hopeful to find one thing, anything left from him.

"I don't know. I wouldn't wanna wait that long. But there's this shop on the outskirts of L.A.. It's at least a 45 minute drive from here, with traffic and all. But that guy is a fuckin' genius. I wonder if he could crack this thing open and at least get the hard drive out. I mean, that's all we really need." Miles was hopeful himself.

"Lets do it then." Kate got off the couch, pulling her curls together into a bun.

Miles closed the laptop, and got up too. He smiled when he saw Kate's eyes light up like that for the first time since that fateful Thursday night. He'd given her hope, but he knew in the back of his mind that this might be false hope. But none the less, she had a reason to get out of the house.

"Let me call Claire real quick and tell her that we aren't coming over." He dug out his cell phone but no reception. "Can I use your phone?"

"Yeah, it's in the kitchen."

Miles started walking towards the kitchen, and said, "We'll have to stop by an atm somewhere, that guy only takes cash."

Kate yelled back, "I got cash upstairs, I'll go get it." And with that she disappeared up the stairs.

He picked up the phone and dialed. As he was talking to Claire, explaining everything to her, he looked around the kitchen. He hung up the phone. Something was off. The sink was spotless, so was the stove. The entire kitchen was immaculate. He walked over to the dishwasher. It was empty. He closed it again. Right in that moment, Kate walked in, ready to go.

He looked at her, skinny, pale, bloodshed eyes from crying and lack of sleep. He shook his head.

"Kate, when was the last time you ate something?"

"What?"

"You heard me? This kitchen is spotless. You haven't eaten anything since Claire left here after the funeral, haven't you?"

She sighed, "I-I really haven't been that hungry. I just have no appetite."

"Well, princess, I ain't taking you to that guy unless you eat something first. And when I say first, I mean right now."

She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Fine." Clearly irritated she stomped over to the cupboard, got a loaf of bread out, took two slices out of the bag and stuffed her mouth with it. Chewing it with her cheeks puffed out. Miles went to the fridge, and got the milk out. He poured her a glass. She took it. She finally swallowed and emptied the glass too.

"See, now I ate something. Can we go now?"

Miles grabbed the loaf of bread. "Yeah, we can go now, but you're gonna eat a bunch more of this on the drive down there. 'Cause I ain't dragging you around if you pass out again."

A little while later - West Pico Blvd. L.A.

"If - and that's a big if - I can retreat anything from this thing, it will be about a week."

"A week." Miles blurted out.

"You can't be serious?" Kate was disappointed.

"Look, Lady. This thing is melted, don't even know if I can get the screws out. And it's completely soaked too. Besides, I have some other things going on right now as you can see." He looked down to his desk that was covered in computer parts, and wires and all sorts of things. "I need a week, at least." The little man with glasses sitting high up on his nose looked up at Kate.

Kate didn't look happy. But regardless, she took the approach Sawyer would have taken and opened her purse up, getting a big wad of cash out, counting hundred dollar bills in front of the guy.

"I got 2000 dollars right here. Cash. And I have 2000 dollars more when you give me what's on that hard drive. But I'll need what's on that hard drive by tonight."

The man looked at the pile of cash in front of him. He then looked up at the clock on his wall. He sighed looking up at Kate.

"I can see you've got your mind set on this. I'll guess we have a deal then." The man sighed, "But I can't make any promises. There might not be anything on here to retrieve."

Very late, that same night – same place

"It's all on here." The man held up a blue flat thing, resembling … hell, she didn't know what that was.

"What is that?"

"This, sweetheart, is an external hard drive. I've transferred everything from your laptops old hard drive to this one. You take this, plug it into your usb slot on any other computer. It will open up with a menu on its own, and you just click on 'Open folders to view." And ta-da everything will be there."

Miles looked at her with a big smile on his face, her face lit up too, she couldn't believe it worked. She handed the guy the rest of the cash she'd promised him.

"Gotta tell ya' though, they'd used some sort of cleaner on here, trying to erase the entire hard drive."

Kate was surprised, "What? What are you talking about?"

"This laptop, everything was erased, but it was obvious that this guy or gal didn't know what they were doing, cause you can retrieve anything, even if it's been erased. They should've used a dban to completely overwrite and erase everything, but instead they only used a ccleaner program. Amateur. Never works completely." The man shook his head.

Miles wanted to make sure he understood what this guy just said, "So, you're saying someone had tried to erase everything that was on this hard drive. I mean on purpose."

"Definitely!" The man answered him.

Miles continued, "And there's no way that could like happen, let's say because something melted or something?"

"Look buddy. Someone installed a ccleaner program on it, then with that program tried to erase everything, then the ccleaner was even uninstalled, to leave no trace of anything."

"So how did you …?" Kate wanted him to explain, but the man interrupted her before she could finish her question.

"Because I'm that good Lady." He flashed a slick smile. Guess sometimes it pays off being a geek.

Even later that night – Kate's house

Miles hooked the external drive up to Kate's laptop. And just like that guy said, it popped up with the 'Autoplay' menu. Kate sat beside Miles at the kitchen table, leaning onto him, while staring at the screen.

There was a lot of stuff on here. Pictures of them. His entire itunes library, some things about investments he'd apparently planned on making. A bunch of word files. But nothing really stood out. Except one. One in particular caught her attention.

"Click on that." She pointed to the screen. "The one that says Clementine."

Miles opened it. It was a letter, apparently to Clementine. They both started reading it. What the hell is this?

'To my dear beautiful daughter,

I'm writing you a letter. That's right, a good old fashioned letter. It's a lost art really. I have a confession to make. I didn't like you very much at first. A picture shoved in front of me. You were just this annoying little blob. Then years later I got to finally meet you. You smelled nice. But you didn't seem to have much interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world. Funny how some things never change. But you finally warmed up to me. Saw that there was more to me than just a scruffy looking guy with stubbles that scratch when I kissed your cheek. Anyway, so I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed. I just know that it did. One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest. Exposed to the elements. Loving you has been one of the most profound, intense, and painful experiences of my life. In fact it's been almost too much to bear. As your father, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world. Never realizing I was the one who'd end up hurting you the most. When I flash forward my heart breaks, mostly because I can't imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride. How could you? You're father is a child in a man's body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change. Something has to give. It's getting dark around here. Too dark to see clearly.'

Kate looked at Miles. Miles couldn't take his eyes off the screen, he was reading it again.

Kate's mouth moved, her lips trying to form a word but no sound came out. Finally she'd managed to form the words on her tongue, "What is this Miles? What does this mean?" Too shocked to even ponder the thought of crying. She was stunned.

Miles stopped reading. Shaking his head in disbelieve. Then closed the file out. Right clicked on it, went to 'Properties'. A little window opened up, Miles finger pointing to the screen were it read 'created' followed by a date and time.

"That was what? 'bout 2 weeks ago?" Miles asked Kate, looking at her, searching her face. She looked at him and nodded. "Yeah, looks like he wrote that about 2 weeks ago."

Miles heart sank when he remembered an odd conversation with his best friend, also 2 weeks ago. He'd pushed it into the back of his mind, after Sawyer had died. Too big of a coincident, it had actually creeped him out, but he'd told no one about it. But now, this letter that almost read like a suicide note changed everything.

Miles jumped out of his chair, "Lets go."

Kate stood up, looking at Miles questioning. "Go where?"

Miles impatiently already opening the front door. "To the cemetery."

Kate was confused, "It's past midnight Miles. Why do you want to go to the cemetery now? I don't understand."

He'd never told Kate of his 'gift' or whatever you wanna call it. And apparently neither had Claire or Sawyer. "Just trust me Kate. I'm going, come with me or don't." And with that he turned around and walked out the front door.

Kate stood there for a second, she looked back at the screen, then back at the still open front door. She grabbed her purse, and her key of the table by the front door and pulled the door closed behind her.

Flashback – about 2 weeks ago

Sawyer and Miles sitting on a park bench, watching Clementine and Aaron playing together on the playground in front them.

"Buddy you and I go way back," Sawyer said, looking over at Miles. He rubbed his hands over his jeans, as if his palms were sweaty and he was trying to rub the sweat off.

"Dharma initiative and all that nose-bleeding good stuff right before that. So I don't mind tellin' you I'm scared to death sometimes."

Miles' head jerked over staring at his friends face. Sawyer gave him a sad look.

"Scared to death? What are you talking about?" Miles asked sincere, realizing how serious Sawyer was when he saw that look on his face.

"After everyone we've lost, you know. Shit happens sometimes. We've all been lucky, fuck, some of us more than once. Kate and I are doing great. Clementine actually likes me." He smiled for a moment. "I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What? You're scared of dying?" Miles didn't understand where all of this was coming from.

"Guess you could say that." Sawyer sighed and just shrugged his shoulders.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling you this because …" he looked at Miles and frowned. "Because if something should happen, I want you to promise me that you'll take care of them." He nodded towards the playground, Aaron and Clementine.

Miles looked to the kids playing. Sawyer added, "And Kate too."

"I'm not doing this, you're creeping me out dude."

"Not doing what?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you. This can lead nowhere good."

"Since when are you superstitious?"

"I can hear dead people. I think that's grounds for being a little superstitious, don't you think?"

"Quit being such a girl, Enos, and hear me out. If something should ever happen to me, stop in some time and spend some time with Kate. You and Claire can always keep her laughing. I picture shes gonna need a lot of that ."

Miles threw him a dirty look, like stop this nonsense.

"I know you think I'll be fine and I'm talkin' crazy. But there's always that chance."

Both of them stayed quiet for a while, just watching the kids running around.

"Little Aaron's growing up so fast. I can't believe he already turned 4. And look how big Clementine already is. She wants to be a Softball player when she grows up."

Miles smiled at him. He smiled back, "Yeah, I know. Anyway, I'm supposed to coach her team next spring."

Miles said, "Aaron wants to be a football player."

Sawyer nodded like he knew that already, then frowned again, "He's gonna need someone to catch a pass … and to throw it back."

Silence again, "Just promise me you'll take them two out campin' sometime. Throw a line out in the water sometime … and answer any questions they might have. Maybe once Aaron gets older, you can sit and have that first cold beer together. Tell Clem a couple stories on her father. She already knows you're my best friend."

"Fine Jim, if I agree…" He looks over at him again. "If I promise, will you shut the hell up and call it good now."

Sawyer chuckled, "Hey man, I hope I live until I'm 80. And I get to see my daughter get married, and have babies. And I get to make a million more memories with my wife."

He sighed and grabbed Miles arm to get his attention. "But if it's my time to leave. Could you watch over them for me?"

Miles stared at his friends. He didn't say anything, just nodded his head. Looks were exchanged, this conversation was over and agreed on.

Miles opened the trunk to his car and searched for his flashlight. He got it out, turned it on, and shut the trunk.

Kate looked at the front gate of the cemetery. It was dark.. She had to admit, she was a little scared being here at night. But she wouldn't let it on, not in front of Miles. She put on a brave face.

They slowly started walking into the cemetery. Miles was going slow, then fast, then he would stop completely. She held onto his arm, they only had one flashlight.

"This place kinda creeps me out in the dark. You too?" She almost whispered.

Miles let out a nervous chuckle, and said, "You have no idea."

They made it to his grave. He stood there, reading his headstone. It was put up the day after the funeral. Miles handed Kate the flashlight. She didn't know why, but she took it anyways. He kneeled down on top of the grave, his hands buried in the still lose dirt.

Kate watched him. She didn't know what he was doing, but was afraid to ask. Everybody grieves differently she thought. But this was weird. She had the flashlight shining on Miles' back. He was shaking.

All of a sudden Miles stood up, "You son of a bitch."

Kate blurted out, "Hey."

Miles looked at her, "This guy." He pointed downwards to the grave underneath his feet.

"This guy is not Jim."

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

The letter to Clem is inspired by the tv show Californication. Have to give credit to that. Please rate and review if you still like this story. Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17 Just walk away Brandon

Here they were. All of them. Sitting around, scattered all over Claire's living room.

Kate caught in the middle of a heated discussion about last nights discovery.

She'd stayed up all night, going through every single file that had been retrieved from Sawyers laptop. Miles stayed with her, but at some point fell asleep on her couch.

She never found that chapter he supposedly wrote, but found some other weird little things he'd written. Like letters to someone. She imagined they were meant for her. But one of them was for her, no doubt. Because he'd started it out with 'Freckles'. Just thinking about that letter made her want to cry again. He said everything he did was with the best of intentions, and he was asking for her to forgive him. What does it all mean? None of it made sense. How the hell did this happen? And how had he been keeping this from her?

He'd been planning all of this and she never saw it coming. She thought they were happy … she was trying to make him happy for the rest of their time together. And he? He conned her, but for what? He didn't take anything from her, nothing of value … nothing except her heart. He took that, loved it, caressed it, made her believe this was all real. They were real. Married. Trying to have babies. He took her heart and held it captive, before he threw it away … tossed it aside as if it was nothing, stomping over it, leaving his shoeprints all over it as he just up and left. Walked away from her. Walked away from Clementine. Walked away from all of them.

But then on second thought, she found herself torn inside again. He's alive. He didn't die. He's out there somewhere, living, breathing … she should be happy about that. She is happy about that. Shit! She glanced down at herself. Dug out one of his shirts from the hamper this morning. Dirty dark blue button down shirt. 10 times to big for her it seems, she had to fold the sleeves up. She's wearing it. It smelled like him. She couldn't help herself. Wanted so desperately believe that he had a good reason for doing what he did. That someone made him do this. That this wasn't his choice, … that he didn't have a choice.

Her mind went back to the island. Jack and Sawyer standing there. Both determined on their mission. Jack to save the island and her or all of them in the process, … and Sawyer determined to save her.

"Good luck to you James." Sawyer shaking Jacks bloody hand, "Thanks doc, for everything." Both of them sincere with each other … no pretend to get along for her sake kinda thing. None of it. Somehow these two men had managed to get passed their issues, before she could even begin to face her own … involving both these men.

Sawyer and Jack. Jack and Sawyer. They'd made their peace with one another. Right here, right now. Jack loved her, but he knew that he wasn't what she wanted. And Sawyer? For the first time Sawyer could actually see what he'd never seen before. It took him 3 years to see that after all this time Jack turned out to be the hero after all. Sacrificing himself so that they could leave together. So that they could live. Make it off the island together.

She loved both of them, but not the same, not equally. She was leaving with the man she couldn't live without. She'd tried that already. She'd tried living without Sawyer, but failed desperately … leading to her holding on to a little boy that she had no right to hold on to.

She felt like she was caught in the crossfire of her heart and her mind.

She sat there on the floor with her legs crossed underneath her. She was sooo tired. Not just physically, but emotionally drained as well. She didn't know what to think, didn't know what to feel. Why would he do that? Did he do that? Why the goodbye letters if he had no intentions of sending them out? Was he the instigator in this or was he a victim of some sort?

This was pretty much the discussion unfolding in front of her. She sat there, sad eyes looking on as all the people invested in her life argued about her husbands intentions. She'd stayed quiet, taking it all in and watched on, while almost everyone around her had an opinion on the issue. Her own emotions all over the place, because everyone had a good point. Almost everyone … some didn't matter a whole lot.

Cassidy shook her head, "What kind of man would do that to his daughter? I mean, first he wants nothing to do with her, then he marches back into her life, and for what? To break her heart and make her miss him? She wouldn't miss him right now, wouldn't be heartbroken if she'd never remembered him." She looked into the faces around her, looked for some kind of confirmation that he shouldn't have done that.

"Now that's not entirely true. Clementine knew through Kate that she had a dad that loved her, but that he was far away. And then she asked you eventually again about him, asked you if she had a dad like other kids did. So, she'd already missed him, before she met him." It was clear to see that Claire was on Sawyers side, no matter what his reasons were. She'd have an excuse ready for him.

"You know Claire, you've been defending him all day. Do you know something we don't?" Cassidy was getting annoyed with Claire.

All eyes fell on Claire, but she just shook her head. "Do you really think I'd know about this? Really?" She shook her head again. "I just can't picture him doing this. I mean staging his own death. Everything. It just doesn't make any sense to me why he would do that. I'm going over every conversation I've ever had with him in my head … over and over again, and I come up with nothing that would explain this."

Cassidy looked over at Kate, "What about your money?"

Everyone had left her alone so far. Miles had been the one explaining everything. So for the first time Kate actually talked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean is any of your money missing?"

Kates eyes grew mad, her lips pulled into a straight line before she answered. "No Cass', there isn't any money missing as far as I know."

"What do you mean with as far as you know?"

Kate found this conversation irrelevant, and she didn't try to hide her feeling either, her lips frowned and her eyes reflecting disappointment, "Not that it is any of your business, but we did have some money in separate accounts. And no, I don't know what he did with some of his money, but either way, he left all of what's left to me. In his will. He asked me in his will, to give some of it to Clementine and some of it to Aaron, but still said, I can do with it as I see fit." The more she spoke she grew angrier of having to defend him, but she continued, "So no Cassidy, he didn't con me out of my money, instead he left me with all of his."

Cassidy just nodded, "Okay then." She regretted having brought it up. Kate looked so fragile to her already. She hadn't meant to upset her any more then she already was. "I'm sorry Kate."

Kate's eyes went soft again, "I know you are. I'm just a little on edge … I know that this isn't your fault."

Miles hadn't said anything in a while. When everyone showed up he explained about the whole conversation with Sawyer and the laptop and all that, but he said he didn't understand it any more than they did. But after everyone babble on and on, he'd finally had enough.

He stood up from the couch and started pacing, "It doesn't really matter what his fucking reasons where to begin with, that's beside the point right now. What we need to think about is this. If he isn't dead, then where the hell is he?" He looked around the room for possible answers.

Finally Frank chimed in, "The way I see it, whatever he did, he did with …" he looked at Kate with a sympathetic smile on his face while he talked "He did it with the best of intentions. I mean that's what he said in his letter to Kate. So we can assume that he felt the need to do this, whatever his reasons might have been. Here is what I don't understand guys. How the hell did that DNA test come back as a match? And second, who is that guy that got buried in his place? How did he pull that off?"

Miles said, "I'm agreeing with Frank, we gotta take a look at the facts that we know for a minute. A staged death with a burned body, who fyi died of a gunshot wound quite some time ago. And not to forget the faking of a DNA test. I might be totally wrong here, but there is only one person that I know that could possibly pull that off." Everyone stared at him eager to hear what he had to say.

"Isn't it obvious guys?" Miles blurted out. "Linus has to be behind all of this somehow."

Desmond spoke, "Ben would be my first guess too now that Charles is dead, but regardless, Sawyer was part of it. The letters and his conversation with you made that pretty clear, Mate."

"So, it could be possible that Ben blackmailed Sawyer into going along with it." Claire had a theory.

"Blackmailed him how?" Cassidy didn't buy it.

"Maybe Ben threatened Kate or any one of us, and Sawyer made a deal with him, agreeing to go along with his plan."

"So you're saying Ben staged Sawyers death, and Sawyer was in on it?" Frank wanted to clear up what Claire was implying.

"Something like that, yeah."

Cassidy couldn't butt out, she just couldn't understand why Claire kept on trying to excuse Sawyer every chance she got. "Why are you so convinced that this wasn't his doing? Why do you keep on finding excuses for him?"

Claire closed her eyes, her chin quivered; she was fighting back tears, "Because I have too. I owe him that." Tears were rolling now, unable to control her emotions. She looked at Kate, "I tried to kill you."

Everyone looked on clearly shocked and confused. Miles said, "What? What are you talking about?"

"I was so upset about Aaron, I had all this anger inside of me. I tried to kill Kate. And even though I'd tried to kill her, and he knew that, he helped me. He talked to me, he was there for me. Just him, Aaron and me … he forgave me. So whatever his reasons are why he did this, I forgive him. We just have to get him back. If Ben brought him back to that island, we have to get him back. We have to save him." Claire stared into the crowd. Judging by their looks, some couldn't believe what she was suggesting.

"I just can't picture Hurley going along with this, it doesn't sound like him. He was so against lying about the island the first time around. There is no way he would go along with this plan to bring Sawyer back to the island. I mean, he was the best man at your wedding." Frank looked at Kate for reassurance.

Kate just nodded in agreement.

Desmond said, "But then again, Hugo is listening to Ben and he is the protector of the island now. This might be out of his hands, … if the island isn't done with Sawyer, then maybe he had no choice in the matter."

Claire said, "You always have a choice, I still think it was Ben's doing, and I don't think Hurley had anything to do with it. Kate? What do you think?"

All eyes fell on Kate this time, she faked a shy smile.

She cleared her throat before she spoke, "I don't know what to think really. But I don't see how or why the island would need Sawyer for anything. Locke is dead. Hurley doesn't have anything to worry about other then someone finding the island. And we all know that's not that easy to do." She looked around the room, making eye contact with Claire, Miles and Frank.

Frank said, "Can we even be sure that that thing is dead."

Kate said, "He's dead."

"You're sure 'bout that, princess?"Frank asked again.

"Yeah, I'm sure, because I shot him and then Jack kicked him down a cliff. He's dead!"

"You shot him?" Cassidy was surprised.

Kate just nodded in response, looking at her friend across the room.

Claire looked at Kate, "So what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get him back?"

Desmond looked at Penny, they exchanged a look, she nodded then looked at Kate and gave her a sympathetic smile.

Then Desmond spoke up, "There is a church, right here in L.A. and underneath that church is or was another Dharma station."With that he'd caught everyones attention. He went on, "They called it the Lamp Post. That's where I found Faradays mother that time, along with Jack, Sun and Ben. Eloise was explaining to them how with the help of that station they could determine where the island was going to be."

"What do you mean by 'going to be'? Claire asked confused.

"The island apparently moves, or at least that's what she said to them, and that there would be so called windows or something like that."

"That place, it's here in L.A.?" Miles continued, "Then what the hell are we still doing here? Let's find us a way back to the island."

Desmond stood up now, "Kate, I'm really sorry, I'll bring you to that church, but I cannot go back to that island. I can't leave my wife and kid again."

Kate nodded, "Of course, I'll do this on my own."

"No you're not." Miles and Claire said at the same time, then looked at each other in surprise.

Cassidy chimed in, "I can't believe you guys are even considering going back to that place, after everything you've been through, … haven't ya' all learned anything?"

Kate looked at Cassidy, "You got Clementine and Shawn. What do I have? He's all I have, and I'm beginning to agree with Claire, he wouldn't do that to me unless someone forced his hand, somebody made him do this. And I'll be damned if I'm just gonna sit around and do nothing. I have to find him and bring him home. One way or another." She then looked at Claire and Miles, "But I'm doing this on my own, both of you have something worth staying here for, I won't let you leave Aaron. I can't let you do that."

"But Kate, how are you going to get back to that place on your own?" Penny finally spoke up before Claire and Miles could answer her. "I do not want my husband to go, but I do think you should not take this on yourself either. If Ben has your husband, then you are going to need help. Benjamin Linus shot Desmond and then pointed a gun at me. And yes, he helped bring Des back to me and has been apologizing ever since, but I do not trust him. Who knows what that man is capable off? Isn't there some way we can get in touch with Hugo? Or what about Richard? Can't he be helpful in some way or at least tell us who really is in charge? Maybe something happened and Ben is in charge now? That would explain some of this, or would it not? Isn't James the last Candidate?"

"If we knew how to get in touch with either one of them, do you really think we'd all be sitting here having this conversation right now?" said Miles looking at Penny.

"I'll do it." Frank spoke up, catching everyones attention again, while looking at Kate.

Kate looked at him puzzled.

"If we find a way to get back then I'll come with you."

Kate couldn't believe it, "Really? Why would you do that for me?"

"Hell, call me a romantic or whatever, but I agree with Claire over here. He wouldn't do that without a good reason. I got nothing here for me. You guys are all I got now … the love of my life died many years ago, so there's nothing here holding me back. And besides, I'm an optimist. Both of us have been to that rock 2 time and came back, and who knows? Maybe the 3rd times the charm. Maybe when we leave the 3rd time we can finally leave that place behind us, once and for all."

Kate was touched that he of all people would volunteer for this, but she couldn't accept it. "I can't let you do this. There's no reason for you to go through all of that again. I can't ask that of you Frank."

"Good thing you ain't asking then. But I do have one condition."

She smiled cause Frank reminded her of Sawyer, "What's that? What's the condition?"

"We're gonna do this my way. The right way this time. Meaning we're gonna get ourselves some fake passports and you're gonna make a visit to your probation officer downtown. You'll squeeze a few tears out, tell 'em that you're leaving town for a while, but of course not California. And considering that a little over a year ago you'd buried your kid, and now you buried your husband, I think they'll cut you some slack and leave you alone to get back to normal."

"Don't you think going there and talking to them would put more of a spot light on her back Frank?" Cass put her 2 cents in.

"No, I think this way is better. Her husband just died … if we're gone and they try to get a hold of her and can't, they'll put a damn warrant out for her again. Puttin' her pretty little face all over the news again, that's the last thing we need right now. If she tells them that she needs to leave town for a while, just drivin' up and down the coast, getting her mind of the fact that she just had to bury the love of her life … don't you think that sounds a hell of a lot better than being put back in cuffs again."

They all seemed to agree and Kate nodded, "Okay, I'll do it."

"Well, then lets go and find ourselves a Dharma station … and we'll see where we go from there."

At the same time somewhere else – half a world away

He was sitting all alone in a comfortable chair, his legs stretched out on the coffee table in front of him. Button down shirt, blue jeans and hiking boots. He took a swig from the beer in his hand, before placing it back onto the coffee table in front of him. Then with his reading glasses on his nose, he had his eyes narrowed on the page of the book he was reading. He heard a knock on the door.

Looking up from his book, annoyed look on his face, "Come in."

He watched the door open, and saw one of the new recruits walking in with a big manila envelope in his hand. He remained seated, looking up at the twenty-something kid that seemed to be nervous being in his house.

The young man started talking, "Uhm … Mr. Linus send me over to give you this." He held the manila envelope out to him.

He took it knowing what it probably was, but asked anyways, "What is this?"

The man shrugged his shoulders, "Uhm … I'm not sure, Mr. Linus just said that it's what you've been waiting for this whole time, and I should bring it to you immediately. And he also said if you don't know what to make of it, you should just stop by his house. He would go over it with you."

"Is that so, Billy?"

"Yes, but sir, my name is not Billy. It's …"

"I don't care whatever the hell you name is, get the hell out of my house." That look in his eyes alone would have sent the kid running for the door. Within seconds he was gone. As soon as the front door shut he ripped through that manila envelope … Dying to know if it had worked … His heart was pounding as he looked through the paperwork in front of him.

His eyes staring at the pages in front of him, as his expression grew even colder. Gibberish! What the hell is this? This doesn't prove anything; he doesn't know what any of this means.

Angrily rolling the papers up in his hands, he jumps up and heads for the door.

"Captain Bunny-Killer is going to have some explaining to do."

Less than 2 weeks later

Shaking his head to himself. He was thinking back to the early morning when that cabin started to get engulfed in flames. All he cold see were his dreams going up in smoke.

Can't believe I'm hiking through this damn Jungle again. Wearing this damn monkey suit again. So much for ditchin' this place and living with her out on the west coast.

His strap from the large duffle bag digging into his shoulder. He turns around to make sure that kid's still following him close by. He does. Same looking green duffle bag strapped onto his back. He stumbles on, that bag almost too big for the young mans smaller frame. But Sawyer doesn't bother to hold back any branches for the guy. No, he just keeps on going. Not really givin' a damn whether or not the kid gets hit in the face with a damn branch every other minute.

Ain't no one holding leaves, bushes and branches out of my way. If Brandon over here wants to survive this rock then he better gets used to getting dirty and banged up. Cause chances are, someone's gonna get hurt sooner or later, and it damn sure ain't going to be me again. Neither my body or heart could possible take another beating. I'm getting to old for this shit.

They walk in silence for a while, finally making it to what seems to be a well worn path. The young man following him is tall, short dark brown hair, with what Sawyer would describe as a 'babyface'. He looks like he should still be in high school. Brandon speeds up to walk side by side with Sawyer.

"Mr. LaFleur, can I ask you something?" Brandon's trying hard to keep up with him, so he can have a face to face conversation.

"No." Short and sweet.

"Why not?"

"Cause I ain't in the mood for talkin' son. So shut it and walk."

"It's just that I was wondering about the whole sex thing?"

Now he has Sawyers attention, he can't pass up a chance teasing him,"What? Your daddy never told you about the birds and the bees kid?"

Brandon blushed a little, "No, I know about that, it's just that someone said we'll get kicked off this place should we get one of the female recruits pregnant. Is that true?"

He's in a bad mood, been in a bad mood since he'd left his life behind, but none the less, he can't help but smirk at Brandons question, "Why do you wanna know? Planning on becoming a daddy already?"

"No." he shakes his head vigorously, "No, it's just with the whole clause in the contract and all, I was just wondering what that's all about."

quo;Should you be lucky enough to find someone willing?" He looks the kid up and down, "And I highly doubt that. Just use protection. Or otherwise you can kiss all that money you're supposed to get from Mr. Reyes when you're contracts up bye bye."

"Really? He will not pay me if I get a girl pregnant?"

"Didn't you read the fine print before you made your xs and os and crossed all your ts? It's all right there in black and white. You'll lose all of your money, every single penny, because that money's going to the unlucky lady you knocked up … she'll have to leave, quit her job here because of you, so her compensation is everything you would've gotten."

"Well, that doesn't really sound fair."

"Sure it is. Not only does she lose her job here, but now she's gonna have two mouths to feed. Sounds more then fair enough to me." Can't really freak the kid out and tell them the woman would die if she'd stay.

Brandon's quietly walking for a while.

"So who is she?"

Brandon looks back over to him, "What?"

"Who's the chick you're dying to get busy with?"

Brandon smiles, "Oh, it's just … it's Kimberly, you know, with the blond long hair."

"Walk away while you still got a choice kid."

"Why? What are you talking about?"

"I saw that Kim chick with that other guy the other day. Seems like she's got her sight set on him. If you walk away now you can save yourself a whole lota pain, trust me on this Brandon. Kelly's destined to be with Dylan."

Brandon made a face, "What are you talking about? And who are Kelly and Dylan?"

"Kelly, Dylan, Brandon. Don't you watch tv?"Sawyer searched his face for a reaction, but there was nothing.

"We didn't really get to watch tv at the foster home I was at."

Sawyer shook his head, "Never mind, all I'm saying is she likes this other guy, which means all you're gonna end up with is a broken heart."

Brandon doesn't say anything. Doesn't want to believe that Kim's already chosen somebody else.

"What makes you think you know so much about this? You don't even know her."

"I know her type." Sawyer blurts out self-assured. "Trust me, falling in love with someone on this island can lead to no good, Lee. Advice is free, take it or leave it."

They walk in silence again for a little while until Brandon speaks up again.

"It seems like you found the right one."

Sawyer jerks his head around, "What makes you think that?"

Brandon pointing to Sawyers ring on his hand, "You're married. So you found the right one."

Sawyer sighs and touches his ring on his hand, twisting and turning it as if he was nervous. Then tosses Brandons statement aside, "Nah, I'm not married. I was - once, but not anymore."

Brandon doesn't understand, "Then why are you still wearing that?"

"Cause I'm here to work, don't have time for some twenty-somethings to hang all over me. And this ring…" he chuckles, while twisting his ring around again. "…this ring keeps the good girls off my back. And the ones that don't care that you're married. Well, those you wanna keep your distance from in the first place."

"Oh." That's all Brandon responds with after this little confession.

Several minutes later he goes on to say, "But I really like her. I think I might even love her. I can't just walk away from that, can I?"

Sawyer felt sympathy for the kid. Haven't we all been there and done that. Couldn't walk away. Sure you can. I did.

"Listen kid, I've broken a couple of good girl's hearts cause I said I loved 'em knowin' that I couldn't. And then I've given my heart to a woman who said she'd stay, then I left her when I knew that she wouldn't." Right after he finished talking he wondered why he was even telling this guy about all of this. And just like that, his heart closed up again. I'm done talking to this punk.

"That explains a lot." Brandon says thinking he has him all figured out.

"Explains what?"

Brandon nervous again when he sees the evil glint in Sawyers eyes, "Uhm … I mean that explains why you seem to be angry all the time."

Sawyer lets it sink in for a moment, then let out a chuckle and says, "Yeah kid, that explains it. Now will you shut the hell up for the rest of the way or do I have to shoot you?"

At the same time on the beach somewhere - the same island

Kate and Frank pull the raft onto the sandy shore.

Frank looks back out to the ocean, the submarine that brought them here had disappeared out of sight again, "Turnin' back now is out of the question."

Both of them pull their backpacks on, and decide to hide the raft somewhere by the edge of the jungle. The colorful raft is to easily spotted on the sandy beach, it makes more sense to cover it up with a few branches and leafs.

Kate digs her map out and both of them are studying it. She looks up and down the beach, the sun still high in the sky, shinning in her eyes. She'd thought of everything to bring, except sunglasses. Already missing the luxuries of living in the real world.

"So princess, any idea where the hell we are on this map?"

"Yeah, I think we're right here." Pointing to a spot on the piece of paper. "We're north of where Rousseau's camp was. If we stay on the beach and keep going north, we'd get closer to the barracks. At our wedding Hurley told me that that's were he lives now."

"Sounds like a plan. Barracks here we come."

Kate smiles at him. She doesn't know what she would have done without Frank. And Penny? She could never repay her for everything she's done. She'd inherited everything from her father. Besides the fact that the Humes now had more money then god himself, Penny had access to every resource her father had at one point acquired. Her and Frank would have never made it here without Penny's connections and financial support.

They start marchin' on.

"Theres a big sonic fence around the housing area. Don't walk through it, it will kill you."

"Here for a total of 30 minutes and you're already warning me about the first way that might lead to my death? That oughta be some kinda record." Frank smiles at her.

Thank god he's here with me. I can need all the help I can get.

After heading into the jungle a while later, they decide to make camp when it got dark. She can hardly sleep, keeps wondering if he's somewhere here or if all of this was for nothing. She can't take her mind off of him. It's been 3 weeks since she last saw him. She misses him so much. And now that everything in her life was good again… now she definitely had to find him. Can't wait to try having babies with him.

If Ben is behind this I'm going to kill him. I can't believe he was at our wedding. I can't believe I cared enough to save his life when he was child. Maybe Jack was right, maybe they weren't supposed to save him back then.

She shakes her head as if she could shake those thoughts out. No, we did the right thing. It is wrong to let a kid die. She'd do the same thing all over again if given the choice. But god help him if he has anything to do with this.

The next morning.

He walks out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He's about to head to his bedroom when his eyes fall on the two duffle bags sitting on the floor by his front door. He sighs and seems to think about it for a moment before he walks over, opening the one he'd carried back from hydra island, retrieving the dirty dress that once belonged to Kate. He holds it in his hand, staring at it. He walks back into his bedroom, laying the dress carefully folded onto his dresser, before he gets dressed.

He goes on about his day, leading a group of new recruits, or as he likes to call them 'outcasts', through the jungle to disarm old traps from Rousseau or Claire. That's his job today, getting the recruits familiar with their surroundings and being able to spot a trap.

As he's standing in the middle of the jungle his walkie-talkie goes off. "LaFleur, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"We have a security breach. We need everyone to come back now to secure the perimeter around the barracks."

"What do you mean we have a breach? What kinda breach? Other then us the island's secluded."

"Someone's tried to deactivate the solar fence, and now we have movement within our perimeter. You all need to come back now."

"Alright, we're on our way. In the meantime, make sure Hurley … I mean Mr. Reyes is secured in the bunker."

"Linus is already on his way to take care of that. Over and out."

"Over and out."

He turns around to face the group. "You've heard the man, make sure your guns are loaded. Keep your eyes out for anything suspicious, and keep on moving. We have to get back to the barracks asap."

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always welcome. Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18 So what happened Sweetheart?

They are tracking through the jungle, just like old times. Although Kate can't recall ever really tracking through the jungle with Frank. Her heart is full of hope, but for some unknown reason she is hesitant. In her mind she'd pictured herself running at this point, running to the barracks, searching for him. But instead she's walking at an average pace, afraid of what returning to the barracks has in store for them today.

She remembered the last time she came here, searching him out in the house he'd shared with Juliet. It seems like a million years ago now, but still the thought of the conversation they'd shared down by the pier still hurt like that moment he'd told her. The moment he'd told her that he was going to propose to Juliet.

She was being a hypocrite, after all hadn't she accepted a proposal from Jack, all because she didn't want to be alone herself. She didn't want to raise Aaron alone. To have someone who knew about it all and who could share the guilt over raising someone else's child. But then again, it seemed Jack and her were taken a turn for the worst once he'd proposed. He'd proposed to her on a Friday night, it was very late. She could remember it like it was yesterday. And then in less than a week, he'd changed into this person she couldn't even recognize anymore. That also seemed like it was a million years ago.

"How much further?" Frank asked before he took a drink from his canteen.

"We should be almost there Frank." Kate was growing a little impatient.

Frank looked over at Kate, "So what do you think will await us when we get there? I'm sure Hurley would be happy to see us, but if Ben's in charge, god only knows what's waiting for us."

She gave him a concerned look, "I really don't know what to expect." She smiled, "Hope for the best but expect the worst."

Frank smiled back.

Right at that moment they hear the clicks of rifles ready to fire. They're surrounded. Kate can't believe her eyes. There surrounded by young men and women from the Dharma Initiative.

The barracks

Sawyer marches into the Security Building, followed closely by his group of recruits. When he spots his deputy he shouts out to him.

"What the hell is going on, Tim? How did anyone get in the perimeter without deactivating the fence?"

"We went out to investigate. We couldn't find anybody, but they apparently chopped down a tree and used it to get over the fence."

"Son of a bitch. We need to get all of those cameras fixed today." He runs his fingers through his long hair. "Is Mr. Reyes still in the bunker?"

"No, he's in his house."

"Why the hell not? Why isn't he in the bunker?"

"Ben said he sees no need to hide."

"Keep the entire complex surrounded, no one goes out unarmed. If they have to shoot, then shoot. I go talk to Reyes and find out what the hell has gotten into him."

His walkie-talkie goes off, "LaFleur, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Any news?"

"Yeah, we got them. A man and a woman, but they won't give up their name. They're saying they'll only talk to Hugo Reyes. What should we do?"

"Are they armed?"

"They were but gave up their weapons without a fight. They seem cooperative enough."

"Alright, just bring them in so we can talk to them and find out why they're here."

Sawyer walks over to Hurleys house, but doesn't even bother to know or wait for an invitation, instead just walks in immediately. He finds Hurley sitting on his couch, looking through some paperwork. Hurley looks up when he sees Sawyer and smiles.

"Hurley, what the hell is wrong with you? We have a breach, someone's coming and you're just chilling on your couch?"

Hurley stares at him, still a slight smile on his face.

Sawyer gets an annoyed look on his face, waving his hand as he speaks, "What? What the hell are you smiling for?"

Hurley gets up and walks towards him, "Dude, everything will be okay now. You're gonna be okay."

"Well, Jumbotron, that's just fucking awesome that I'm gonna be okay, but I really think you should be in the bunker right now. Because Tim caught them. And surprise! They wanna talk to you? So is there anything you wanna tell me before I go check on our intruders Hurley?"

Hurley can't stop smiling. "Give me your walkie-talkie, dude."

Sawyer has a surprised look on his face, "What? What do you want my walkie for?"

"I just do. So just save us the whole dance that you do about how you're head of security and just give it to me Sawyer."

Reluctantly while rolling his eyes, he hands over the walkie-talkie to Hurley.

"Tim, if you hear me, pick up now. This is Hugo."

"Yes Mr. Reyes, I'm here."

"Listen, I know who they are, so don't shoot. Don't shoot, no matter what."

"Copy that. Don't shoot. But do you want us to bring them in?"

"Of course bring them in. But don't hurt them in any way, don't shoot. That's an order. And bring them to the Rec center instead."

"Roger."

He looks back up at Sawyer and hands him his walkie-talkie back. "They're probably hungry, we should have Jason bring some lunch over for them."

Sawyer got a questioning look on his face, "So, what the hell is going on? Wanna tell me who they are and why we're treatin' them to lunch instead of a prison cell?"

"Dude, just trust me on this."

"You know, you complained how Jacob didn't really explain anything, but I gotta tell you buddy, you aren't any better than he was. I am still head of security, so I have a job to do here, man. I need to keep you save."

"It's okay, dude. I am save." Hurley starts walking out and says, "I'll see you there."

"See me where?" Sawyers getting annoyed.

Hurley turns back around, "At the rec center. I'll see you there."

Hurley left and after standing there by himself for a few moments, he decides to follow his friend and find out what all this is about.

Hurley, Ben and Sawyer are standing around. Sawyer leaning onto the new pool table, absentmindedly playing again with the ring on his finger. "Can't you both just tell me what the hell is going on?" he glances over in the direction of Hurley and Ben.

Hurley looks at Ben, then back at Sawyer, "You chose to do this your way. You chose to do this without talking it over with me first, dude. Richard and Ben only helped you because they saw how desperate you were. But this is all on you now."

"What the hell is that supposed to me? We already had this conversation, Kong. It wouldn't have mattered either way, she wouldn't have believed me if I had said I don't love her anymore. I've never been good at pretending that I don't love her. Just ask Juliet next time she shows up to chitchat with ya'. This was the only way I knew how she wouldn't end up following me." Sawyer's eyes narrowed on Hurley, his anger rising up in him again.

Ben chimed in, "All he's saying, what's done is done, and you chose to do this your way. Now you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. But keep in mind that any of this will have been for nothing if you tell her why you did it. These are the rules of the island, you can't tell her, no matter what. Do you understand James?"

He shook his head to both of them, didn't understand where all this was coming from, "Her? She thinks I'm dead, why would I tell her anything? And I don't see why you'd even bring that up now again. That converstation's over and done with. I wanna know how these people found the island, and why neither of you seem to be worried about it? Let's talk about that."

Right in that moment, the doors opened. Two men in Dharma uniforms brought in Frank, and right after Frank followed Kate.

Kate immediately locked eyes with Sawyer. Neither of them could believe it. Both their faces flooded with emotions in an instant. He thought he'd never see her again. She hoped he wasn't dead, but there was still this lingering doubt nagging her for the last 3 weeks.

"Sawyer?" She yelled out.

"Freckles?" Sawyer hurried over to her, then shoved the man aside that was holding onto her, and started untying her. Neither of them could take their eyes off of each other.

Frank looked on and smiled, "Son of a bitch. Would you look at that. He is alive!" Hurley ordered the other guy to untie Frank.

Kate looked up at him, he looked down at her. He gently cupped her cheek with his left hand, then slowly brushed his callused thumb over her lips.

"Are you real?" a whisper escaped her lips.

He smiled wide, brushing her cheek now with his thumb, "Are you?"

Both their hearts pounding more and more with every second passing. She framed his face with both her hands, pulling him down towards her. He did the same, pulling her in and they kissed. First just a soft kiss, then both pulling away again to look at each other again. To lock eyes all over again. Both smiling. Then he kissed her again, their eyes closed and this time their lips slowly parted. It seemed like that very first kiss all over again. His hands traveled down to her waist, pulling her entire body into him. Neither of them aware of anyone else in the room anymore.

That's when Ben looked around the group and said, "Maybe we should give them some privacy."

And with that Kate was snapped out of the trance like state she was caught in with Sawyer. She broke free from the kiss, free from his embrace and within the blink of an eye grabbed the gun of the guy that had brought her in. Pointing it at Ben Linus.

"Why did you do this? Why did you bring him back here?" She shouted angry with her eyes fixated on Ben.

Everyone was surprised and shocked at the same time.

Sawyer was the first one to speak, "Freckles, what the hell are you doing?"

She glanced over at him, still pointing the gun at Ben, "He did this to us! How can you just let him do this to us?"

Ben didn't say anything, neither did Hurley. Sawyer sighed because he knew the inevitable that would follow his confession, "Freckles, he didn't do anything." He shook his head, "I did this, I set it all up."

It took Kate a moment to let the words sink in, pain written all over her face. She slowly lowered the gun, looking up at Sawyer.

And without any further hesitation she punched him, her knuckles hitting his left cheekbone. She ignored the pain in her hand. "What? Why would you do that?" Her face showed every emotion running through her body. Betrayal. Confusion. Disbelieve. Lost hope. Hurt.

He brushed the punch away as if it had been nothing.

She yelled at him, "How could you do that to me? How could you to that to Clementine? To all of us?" She tucked the gun in the back of her jeans and walked back towards him and this time pushed him as hard as she could.

He backed up from her in the process, "I did what I had to do!"

Anger written all over her face. Her eyes were welling up with tears, "What you had to do? What is that supposed to mean?" Her hands balled into little fists hitting against his chest, "You son of a bitch. How could you do that to us?"

Within seconds her anger turned into tears. She stopped hitting him, just crying now. Sawyer tried to wrap her in his arms, but she pulled away. She wouldn't let him touch her anymore.

Frank walked over to her, pulled her in his arms instead, while he gave Sawyer a mean glance.

Sawyer looked on, wanted to console her so badly. Wanted to tell her the truth, but he couldn't. He knew she'd be grieving him. Knew she'd be in pain over his death, but seeing the pain he'd inflicted right in front of his eyes was too much to bear.

Hurley walked over, "Kate, why don't you come with me?"

Kate looked up from Franks embrace, "Just get me away from him."

Hearing her say that hurt him more then he would ever admit. He just stood there and looked on while Hurley put his arm around her shoulder and led her out of the rec room. Ben followed close by. So did the 2 men that had brought them here.

Frank watched her disappear out the door, then turned around to face Sawyer and said, "What the hell is wrong with you? How could you do that to her? She came back here cause she thought you'd been forced to come back." Frank walked towards him, giving him a push like Kate had done just a few moments ago.

Sawyer was mad enough at himself, and his inability to come up with a good enough lie to make her feel better. He hadn't prepared for her to ever come after him. He'd thought he'd done a good enough job convincing her he'd died. But when Frank shoved him, he welcomed it. He had an outlet for his anger.

He took a step towards Frank, evil glint in his eyes, "You sure you wanna make this your problem grandpa?"

Frank stood his ground, rolling up the sleeves on his shirt, "Grandpa? That's the best you got?"

Sawyer took a step towards him, right in his face, "Walk away now, and we forget that this ever happened. This doesn't concern you. I'm warning you Frank!" Just dare me and I'll put you in the ground instead.

"This doesn't concern me? I'm here, ain't I? I came back here with her to save you. But seems the only one that needs saving is her. She needs to be saved from you, you son of a bitch."

He pushed Sawyer again, and this time he was ready to punch him, but before he could the door flew open and Ben stopped them in their tracks.

"Frank? She's very upset, and she insists that I get you."

Frank and Sawyer exchanged a look, and without another word Frank just walked away. Walking out the door that Ben held open for him.

Ben turned around, "James, I send some men out to get those cameras fixed before nightfall."

Sawyer looked at him as if he'd lost his mind talking about work right now.

Then Ben continued, "She'll be fine, you should go home for now. And James, remember, all of this was for nothing if you tell her the truth ..."

Sawyer interrupted him, "I know, you told me time and again..."

Ben interrupted him, "Then I guess you just have to come up with a good enough lie. That shouldn't be too hard for you." Ben left before Sawyer could comment.

Sawyer was pacing back and forth in his living room. Rubbing his ring on his finger over and over again. It had been hours since Kate had arrived, but he hadn't seen her since Hurley walked away with her. How the hell did this happen? She was supposed to think he'd died. She was never supposed to come back here. Never supposed to come back for him. Everything he'd done was to avoid this very scenario. Damnit!

He's startled out of his thoughts with a knock on his door.

He rushes to the door and opens it, hoping it might be her ... although he still hasn't decided what to say to her.

It's Hurley. "May I come in?"

Sawyer huffs, "Sure, come in." He steps aside, closing the door right after his friend found his way in.

He knows he must look pathetic, he damn sure feels pathetic when he asks, "So, how is she? Has she said anything? How did they get here?"

Hurley plops down on the chair, "That's why I came here. To fill you in, dude."

Sawyer decides to sit down across from him on the couch, "Go ahead, I'm all ears. What she say?"

"Apparently Desmond and Penny helped them get back here. And Miles and her found your laptop, and gotten some letters you wrote to her and Clementine." Hurley raised his eyebrows. "They said the letters kinda read like suicide notes. Anyway, so Miles went to the cemetery and found out that it wasn't you in that grave. So, that's how they figured that out."

Sawyer couldn't believe it, "My laptop burned in the fire, and I erased everything before I started the fire. And Miles, he told me once that he doesn't get within 100 yards of a damn cemetery ... that son of a bitch." He ran his fingers through his hair, obviously disappointed that his plan hadn't worked out like he'd planned. "So what she say about me? Did she ask you why I did it?"

"Yeah, she asked, but I told her that I can't say. Anyways, she was pretty upset, but she calmed down a bit. The doc tried to give her some valium to calm her nerves, but she refused. Anywho ...thought I'd fill you in." He looked up at Sawyer.

"Did she asked where I am at all? Did she ask to see me?" There it was again, that pathetic longing for her to want me.

"No, dude, sorry. She didn't ask ... but she cursed your name a few times, if that counts for anything."

Sawyer frowned at that last remark.

"So, have you thought of anything yet? I mean if she did want to see you, have you thought of something yet to tell her why you did what you did?"

"Not really, I guess I'll just have to go with the standard, stealing a little thunder from Locke and Jack, if you know what I mean?"

Hurley looked at him confused, "What?"

"You know, like 'I was supposed to' or 'it was my destiny' sorta crap ... that ought buy me enough time to come up with something better."

Hurley smiled, "Yeah, dude, I got a feeling she ain't gonna buy any of that crap from you. She knows you inside out. Destiny ain't your thing, but it's better than nothing I guess."

Hurley pushed himself up out of the chair, "I guess I better go check on her, have to figure out a place for them to sleep tonight."

"She could sleep here." He stood up fast, "I mean, I'd give her the bed, and I crash on the couch."

Hurley gave him an awkward smile, "Yeah, I don't think she's gonna go for that dude. And to be honest, I'm not even comfortable with bringing it up either ... she'd just rip my head off, you know. She looks pretty hardcore when she's mad."

"Could you at least try, Hugo. How the hell am I supposed to patch things up with her, if I don't even get anywhere near her."

Hurley sighed as he slowly walked towards the front door, "I see what I can do. Oh, but before I forget, Ben said you and Frank looked like you were about to throw down in the rec room." Hurley looked up, and Sawyer nodded. "Well, dude, beating up the only person she seems to trust at the moment ain't the way to get back into her good grace, man. So just keep that in mind before you beat up on an old man, alright?"

"Duly noted." Sawyer answered before he shut the front door again behind Hurley.

He sat back down on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He knew this was a terrible thing to do, but it was even worse knowing she knew about it. The cowardly way. She was supposed to think he died,... but that way she'd at least still love him.

Kate was sitting alone on the basement stairs of Hurley's house. The house was full with people and she'd needed a minute to be by herself. So she went to the basement.

There she was sitting on the stairs, her knees drawn up, with her arms draped around them, and her head hanging down. What the hell just happened? Her heart was broken into a million pieces. She didn't understand what she'd done for him wanting to walk out on her like this. She was embarrassed that everyone knew about it too. All of them looking at her with those sad eyes full of sympathy. She didn't want that. All she wanted was for him to tell her that he made a huge mistake. That he wish he could take it all back. But it wouldn't help anything at this point. What he'd done couldn't be undone.

Her mind was racing a mile a minute. She was exhausted.

Should she seek him out? Should she give him the chance to explain himself? Should she get the hell away from here? She had a million questions, but most of them she was afraid what the answer would be, so she didn't ask them.

Sawyer grabbed 2 six pack of beers and headed out his front door. It was already dark out, a full moon high up in the sky. He started walking, went by Hurleys house even though it was out of his way, just for the off chance she might be outside. But she wasn't. The lights were on, and it killed him knowing she was in there somewhere. He stopped for a brief moment, just staring at the house. He then kept on walking. He walked for a while to get to the nearest beach.

Looking for a quite spot. He finally arrived at the sandy shore, sat down in the sand with his knees bend. He opened his first beer and started drinking. He'd already drank a few before he'd left his house. He was trying his best to drink all this pain away.

I'm gonna drink some beers, trying to catch a buzz. I'm gonna lay me down on this sandy beach. Make another wish up on a fallin star. I'm gonna think again about the way it was. I'm gonna close my eyes and forget about us. I know it won't be easy, but I've got a plan. To just let my memory let go of your hand. I'm gonna miss your touch, but I know I must forget about us. When the morning sun burns across my face, I put my shirt back on get up and walk away. I'm gonna forget those soft green eyes, and your warm skin. And the way you say good morning ... If I can just forget about it all then I'll be alright.

She'd settled down to sleep on Hurleys couch. She had so much on her mind, she actually didn't think she could even fall asleep, but exhaustion took over. He was alive, and she was finally able to sleep again for the first time since the police had told her that he'd died.

"Good morning sunshine." The way too cheery voice awoke him.

He opened his eyes and immidiatly felt the pounding in his head. His throat was dry, but he managed to get a "Good morning to you too" out anyways.

Rose sat down in the sand next to him, moving some of the empty beer cans out of the way first. "Darndest thing happened to me this morning." She glanced at him as he buttoned his shirt back up.

"What?" he asked, but immediately regretting saying anything at all. His headache got stonger with every word he spoke. Or at least so it seemed to him

"I ran into Kate." She said smiling.

"Oh." Was all he brought out.

She looked at him, with those big brown eyes, "So what happened sweetheart?"

"She didn't tell you?" and as soon as the word came out, his hand went to his head, as if holding it would stop the pounding.

Rose looked at him sympathetically. She had this motherly nature about her. "How about we get you home, and while you take a shower I make you some breakfast. A asprin or two and something in your stomach other then beer might help with that headache of yours. What do you think honey?"

Sawyer couldn't help but smile a little at the way Rose called him sweetheart and honey within seconds. He couldn't help but think back at his mom, how she used to call him that. He just nodded his head, because with everyone fussing over Kate, and him not being part of it, he could use someone fussing over him for one morning.

He got up, lightheaded for a moment and was just about to walk away, when Rose pointed to the empty beer cans scattered on the beach. "You're gonna pick those up, aren't you?"

He chuckled while squinting his eyes at the bright morning sunlight, then nodded and said, "Yes ma'am." As he started picking them off the sandy beach. She helped him with the task and then slowly walked back towards the barracks. When they arrived there, he was looking around, with the hope of getting at least a glimpse of Kate for a second. But he wasn't that lucky.

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><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	19. Chapter 19 Do you need me? All over you?

Sawyer sat down at his table, Rose settled down in the chair across from him. Both of them started eating the breakfast she'd made. Pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon … the whole shebang. He was already dressed in his dharma jumpsuit, ready for work. The painkillers were starting to kick in and his headache was almost nonexistent by now.

She looked up from her plate, "Who would've thought that you and I would ever have breakfast like this together?"

He looked up from his plate and tried to smile at her, and nodded.

She continued, "You know when you first showed up here a couple weeks ago, and said you'd volunteered to stay on the island, I thought to myself that that doesn't seem quite right. Especially since Hurley had told me all about your beautiful wedding ceremony. You do remember marrying Kate, don't you?" She asked with a big grin on her face.

He looked at her almost annoyed, "Of course I remember."

"Well, anyways, I thought to myself, stay out of it Rose, this ain't your business, so I did. But then I ran into Kate this morning, and she looked like hell to put it nicely and when I asked her why she was here, she looked like she was about to burst into tears right in front of me. And see, I can't recall ever seeing Kate cry. Ever. For anything. And I know this ain't my business, but then I find you lying on the beach like that. Just as sorry looking as she was. So why don't you tell me what happened?"

They locked eyes for a moment, and she could see Sawyers face get tight.

"And sweetheart, spare me lies and for once speak the truth."

He swallowed his last bite, and took a drink of his coffee.

Looking at her, putting the cup back down, he started rubbing his ring on his finger before he sighed and started telling her about everything. Everything that had led up to him coming here, his reasons and why she'd come back and all of it. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. Hurley, Ben and Richard knew the truth too, but for some reason he couldn't help the sense of relief he felt when he opened up to Rose about it. It must be her calming way and motherly nature that she had about her, he reasoned with himself.

Rose had just let him talk. Didn't interrupt him with questions or comments … no, she just leaned back in her chair, she'd put the plate aside, and had both her hands folded on the table right in front of her, listening to what he was explaining.

She hadn't said anything yet, just looked at him, and he looked at her. He searched her face for a reaction to his bold confession about all the events leading up to this.

"Aren't you gonna say somethin'?" He finally requested a reaction from her … anything, just say something.

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table now too, and shook her head.

"Honey, if your head wasn't already hurting right now, I'd punch you."

Whoa … he didn't expect that. He was just about to say something back when she interrupted him before the first word even left his tongue.

"I wasn't finished." She said, which shut him right back up. She locked eyes with him again.

She reached across the table and put her hand over his and giving his a little reassuring squeeze. Then she continued, "That was really stupid but that's real love! You really love her, don't you?"

He nodded his head, with a look on his face as if his biggest secret had been revealed.

"Now I do have a few questions though."

"Go ahead, shoot." He blurted out.

"You seem to have quite a dilemma on your hands now. How do you know you can't tell her the truth? Who told you that you couldn't?"

"Well, Hurley, Ben and Richard seem to agree on that unanimously. I can't tell her the real reasons why I did what I did, and neither can anyone else. And I imagine right now she thinks I did it to get away from her, or something like that." He looked lost, at a loss for words and ideas of what to do.

"Well, the good news is that you have at least 1 month to convince her otherwise."

He raised his eyebrows, "1 month? What are you talking about?"

"I overheard Ben talking to Frank this morning and apparently the submarine won't be back for another month to take Kate and Frank back where they belong. So what is your plan?"

He shook his head, looking down at his hand while playing with his ring again, "I don't have one. For the first time I have not the slightest idea of what to do. Because no matter what I say, I can't leave the island regardless. And besides, what I did can't be undone. There is a headstone on a cemetery in L.A. with my name on it."

Rose sighed before she pushed her chair back and stood up. She picked up his empty plate and hers and walked over to his kitchen sink before saying, "Now there's the spirit, givin' up already."

He stood up too, stretching his arms up over his head, elongating his body into a full blown stretch as he yawned, and then said, "I'm open to suggestions."

She looked up from the water gathering around the dishes in the sink and smiled, "She has no clothes."

He just looked at her.

Rose turned the water off, "I saw Ben handing Frank some clothes. And then Frank said that Kate could probably use a change of clothes too. You wanna get back on her good side without spilling your secret, then you might just have to be very attentive to her."

"Attentive? Yeah, sure, I'll run right over to the mall and buy her a few outfits." He said with an sarcastic undertone.

"Don't you take that tone with me young man." She replied quickly.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Want me to pull down my curtains and get the sewing machine out?"

She dried her hand with a dishtowel, "No sweetheart, don't be ridiculous." She smiled, "But I know where some clothes are."

She opened the door to the basement room of her little Dharma house, walked down the stairs and he followed her close by.

What he came to see was a room full of shelves, filled with clothes, shoes and all sorts of things.

He gave her a surprised look. "Where did you get all this?"

She said, "These are all the clothes that were left behind in the Dharma houses, when Hurley took over this place. We threw a lot of the things out, but I thought I'd keep some of them, for the off chance someone's house might burn down and they'd need new clothes and things." She glanced back at him over her own shoulder. "So, go ahead, take your time. I'm assuming you know her size. So take whatever you want for her. I'm gonna go over to the supply room and get you a few empty boxes to put the clothes in. And then I'm gonna have a little talk with Hurley about this issue. There has to be something he can do."

She started walking up the stairs, and he turned around to say, "Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetheart. But you do realize this is just the tip of the iceberg. After what you did, it's going to take a lot more than a few boxes of clothes to get back on her good side."

He nodded, "Oh, I know."

She was standing by the window staring out into the unknown. One particular house she couldn't take her eyes off. It all looked so familiar yet so different at the same time. Where there used to be a white picket fence surrounding a swing set was now a chain link fence surrounding a paved basketball court. The houses, although remodeled looked the same as they did before. The little changes not to overwhelming that it would catch her eye. She wondered when he would leave his house. Would he come out smiling, as if he didn't have a worry in the world or would he look sad, like he did yesterday. Would he look and feel like her? If he did, then she'd at least give him a chance to explain … maybe. She'd actually eaten breakfast this morning, … to her surprise she'd been hungry. She'd slept in her clothes and felt icky by now to say the least. How did she ever survive living by the beach or with the others. Oh hell, we are the others now … how that thought almost crippled her.

Hurley startled her out of her thoughts, "What are you staring at?" He walked up beside her and looked out the window.

"His house." She said, not a trace of emotion attached to the words … she was secretly proud at herself for it.

"Kate, that's not his house." Kate met Hurley's eyes in surprise. "Uhm, you can't see his house from here, it's around the corner that way."

Now she was embarrassed. She'd been watching someone's house for forever, and it wasn't even his.

"Oh, I guess I just assumed he'd moved …" Hurley interrupted her before she could finish.

"In the house he'd shared with Juliet?" Hurley smiled at her, "Nah, he moved in the house him and I shared way back in the old days. When we came here with Locke. The real Locke I mean."

A soft smile formed on her face against her will. He picked the house that he'd shared a night in with her.

"You know there are a bunch of people coming over here any minute now. Just thought I'd give you a heads up."

"Who's coming over? And why?"

"Oh, we have some new recruits and the first couple of weeks they come over here a few times a week to talk things over. You know, it's kind of hard to explain. You'll see." And with that he turned around and walked into the kitchen to get himself another drink.

"Uhm, I think I'll just go and explore the new neighborhood, if you don't mind? And I think I might need to take a shower, get a little cleaned up." She looked over at the soft sympathetic smile Hurley displayed.

"There's a storage building down by the old boathouse. Do you remember where that is?"

She nodded her head to him, while pushing her hands in the pocket of her jeans.

"It's unlocked, and you can go and get whatever you need. There's shampoo, deodorant, soap, … you know, whatever. Even food, candybars and stuff. So, go help yourself to whatever you need. I'll be here, and like I said, you can come and go as you please."

She flashed him a smile, "Thank you Hurley. One more thing. Where would I lease likely run into him?"

"If you're trying to avoid him then staying out of the jungle is your best bet. As far as I know he's out in the jungle with some troops again today, he's head of security, you know? So they won't be back until right before nightfall. So he won't be anywhere near here these houses today."

"Thanks." Was all she said, she grabbed her backpack and walked out the front door. Heading for that storage place to get a few things.

As he was going through stack after stack of folded up clothes, he had to wonder if this would even be the tip of the iceberg. This might just be a tiny speckle of ice just forming somewhere. What he'd done was unforgivable, unless she knew the truth … but she would never know the truth, so all of this was basically pointless.

He had been so angry at himself since the day he'd watched her disappear in his rearview mirror. But at least he was comforted that she wouldn't know what he was about to do. He was comforted by the thought of her moving on, after all she had gotten over Jack fairly easy, sure she will get over me even quicker. She'd have Claire and Aaron … and Cassidy and Clementine to help her move on, and I'm sure Miles will stick to his promise and make sure she'd be alright.

He sighed, she wasn't supposed to come here, and he was never supposed to explain anything to her. Ever!

He carried the large cardboard box up the stairs. He'd found pants, shirts, even a few dresses and shoes for her. As he made his way into Rose's Living room, he could hear her call out. "You're all set James?"

He put the box down on the floor for a moment. "Yeah, I think this should all fit her." He looked at her, "You think I should take it over to her right now?"

"Oh honey, you're gonna have to wash those first. They've been sitting in my basement for almost a year now."

Damn. He hadn't even thought of that. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Do you know where she is though?"

"Well, she was going in the supply room, getting some shampoo and other things when I went to get the boxes. I think she went back to Hurley's house, but I'm not sure."

"Alright, I guess I head home then and wash these first. Thanks." He picked up the box and walked out while Rose held the door open for him.

He walked across the paved path, right by Hurley's house, wondering what she was doing in there. She was so close, and yet it seemed like she was a million miles away.

When he finally reached his little house on the prairie, he managed to get the door open without even setting the box down. He backed his way in, pushing the door open all of the way. He'd left the radio playing this morning, he hated the house completely silent when he came home. The voices and sounds of the radio gave him a false sense of someone here, and he welcomed it. He walked right down the hall, and opened the door that led to the basement, bringing the entire box down there with him.

He dumped the box onto the cement floor and started loading the washer right away. He put in the detergent, even fabric softner and walked back upstairs. As he closed the door that led down to the basement, he got startled by the noise of running water somewhere. He opened the door back up, heard the washer fill up down there in the basement, but that wasn't it. That's when he realized his shower was running.

Son of a bitch, did I leave the water running this morning. I was pretty hungover at first. He shook his head to himself as he ripped the bathroom door open. When he rushed in, he immidiatly was brought back to reality when he saw a backpack on the floor and her clothes folded up on top of the backpack.

She heard the door swing open, and out of reflex peaked her head out of the shower curtain. Son of a bitch … he was supposed to be in the jungle somewhere.

"Freckles?" he asked with such a surprised and vulnerable undertone to his voice, it almost melted her heart right there. Almost!

Her eyes locked with his as she was holding onto the shower curtain for dear life. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled at her weird questions. Doesn't she realize that she's in his house and not the other way around? "I live here sweetheart. What are you doing here?" He was proud at himself that he could even form a sentence, yet such a good one with her standing there butt naked and soapy wet hanging on to his shower curtain.

She stumbled on her words, "Uhm … Hurley said that you'd be gone all day, and he has some kinda meeting in his house, so I came here to get cleaned up."

You can invade my house anytime. Invade anything and anyplace you please, baby. Loved the thought that she'd come here … his house. She could have went to Ben's place where Frank was. But she didn't ... she was here. His house!

"Do you need anything?" was all he brought out.

"Do I need anything?" she raised her eyebrows at him as she repeated the question. Yeah, I need a man that loves me enough to not walk out on me and pretend he died just to get away from me. But instead she asked, "What do you mean?"

"Shampoo, soap. You know, anything." Me all over you, ... or someone to scrub your back.

She shook her head, "No, I got everything I need. So could you get out now."

There it was, the rejection he'd expected but hoped wouldn't come. "Sure." He started to walk out, but then stopped and turned back around. She still looked at him, as if she wanted to see him leave with her own eyes, not trusting him enough to do as she said.

"I found some clothes that should fit you. They're in the washer right now, probably be about an hour before they're washed and dried. I can borrow you something else until then if you want."

She could see how hard he was trying, but she was still furious inside. But then moments later that feeling crawled back into her heart … the one that said 'he didn't die, he's right here'. So she nodded, "Okay."

He smiled as if he'd just won the lottery, "Okay, I get you some clothes then."

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><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	20. Chapter 20 Hydra Island

Minutes earlier he'd knocked and brought in some clothes for her, put them neatly on the little shelf by the sink. Now after he'd left, she was wiping at the mirror, so she could take a look at herself.

The more and more she thought about it, the angrier she got.

Who was he thinking he is? 'I found clothes for you' ... I never asked him for clothes or anything. He can't just walk out of my life the way he did, and then act like this. Like we just had a little misunderstanding. Hell no! If he thought washing some clothes for me and being all nice like this would get him some points, then he was out of his damn mind.

She glanced down and tied up the tie on her drawstring sweatpants he'd brought her. They were way too big, the fabric bulging up around her waist, the fabric hitting the floor, couldn't even see her feet underneath. She pulled the blue t-shirt over her head and reached back, pulling all her wet curls out from under the shirt. She took the towel and wrapped it around her head in an attempt to get her hair a little drier.

She sighed and sat back down on the rim of the bathtub/shower behind her. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to see him. She wondered how much longer it would be before those clothes were done. She also wondered why she'd agreed to him giving her clothes in the first place.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really that desperate?

She stood back up and wiped at the mirror again, looking at herself.

Okay, so maybe I ain't 23 anymore but with a little makeup and a cute outfit I would still turn some heads, wouldn't I?

The only thing is she didn't want to turn any heads. She wanted her life back. The one she'd thought they had before he did all of this to them. So maybe she knew about 6 month into the marriage that it wasn't gonna be happily ever after for them. But he didn't know that and still he decided to just leave. That's what hurt the most.

She was also mad at Hurley. He'd said Sawyer wouldn't be anywhere near the houses. He'd be in the jungle all day. She even wondered if Hurley was in on this. Then she shook her head to herself. Hurley couldn't have known she'd sneak in Sawyers house to be alone.

That's all she had wanted. She wanted a moment to herself. A quick shower, and some alone time. Just me, myself and I. She didn't want to be around Hurley, or the group of new recruits. Didn't wanna hear Frank curse Sawyer's name or Ben looking at her with those bugeyes, ... no, she didn't want any of that. Just blissful solitude!

She wondered how long she could hide out in the bathroom before he'd come knocking again. She didn't want to go out there and sit with him in the living room as if nothing ever happened. She wouldn't know what to say ... afraid of what he had to say.

He had this way to get under her skin. She just knows it. Knows the moment she steps out of this room he's going to try to get under her skin. He's gonna try to be all sweet ... and let's face it, after being married he knows just how to do it too. Has mastered the skill of getting to her. Knows just what to say or look at her with those big blue eyes, smirking. Ohhhhh, she can just picture it.

She stared at herself in the mirror again.

What am I doing here? I wanted my husband back, but he obviously came here for a reason. He left me for a reason. So it's pointless really to think we'll get anywhere without talking to each other.

She sighed when she untangled the towel on her head and let her curls fall down over her shoulders and back.

She slowly opened the bathroom door, and walked out into the hallway. She could still hear the radio, but the volume was turned down, it was barely audible now. She stepped into the living room, when she saw him putting some dishes away in the kitchen.

Their eyes met just for a brief second, then she looked away, just standing there awkwardly in between his living room and kitchen.

"Thought you'd never come out of that bathroom, freckles."

She gave him a half smile, but not saying anything. He leaned against the wall, looking at her. Both of them unsure of how to act or what to say. Both of them with their arms folded in front of them. Both on the defensive, that was for sure.

"I put the clothes in the dryer, they should be done soon."

She just nodded, still standing there with her arms folding in front of her.

Finally she spoke up, "I'm sorry I came here, I shouldn't have come here. I was just looking for a place to be alone and Hurley'd said you'd be gone all day."

"Yeah, I was supposed to be in the jungle somewhere, but I made my deputy take over instead."

She nodded again, "Oh."

"You can sit down if you want." He said, suggesting towards the couch.

"No thanks, I'm fine." She just stood in one spot.

"Are you hungry? Or do you want something to drink?"

With an annoyed undertone she said again, "No, I'm fine."

Both of them silent for what seemed like eternity. She broke the silence by asking what she wanted to ask since she'd gotten here,

"Why'd you do it?"

"Well, I figured you could use some clothes. Heard the sub won't be back for another month or so."

"Don't play dumb Sawyer. I'm taking about us and this. Why'd you do it? Why did you leave me like this? For this?"

He unfolded his arms now, and stood up straight, shaking his head lightly, "I'm sorry, but I can't say."

Anger spread across her face, "What do you mean you can't say? Why can't you tell me? You owe me an explanation?"

"I know I do, but whatever I'll tell you won't be good enough for you."

"Try me." She blurted out.

"Fine. I came back here, because it was what I was supposed to do Kate. Because it was my destiny to be here on this island."

"You can't be serious. We both talked about how neither of us understood what happened to Locke and then Jack to make them think the exact same thing. So what is it Sawyer? What happened to you that would make you think that?"

He knew she wouldn't buy it, knew it was pointless to even try it. "Hell, I don't know freckles. It's not like I can explain it." He shook his head. "I just know this is what I had to do."

"For how long? For how long have you known this is what you had to do?"

"Does it really matter? What's done is done, Kate."

"I was your wife. We were supposed to be together forever. Have babies. Grow old together. So I don't care what you think is done or not. You owe me an answer, because it does matter to me. Even if it doesn't to you anymore." She wanted to cry but she didn't. Not here, not now, not in front of him.

He sighed, "A couple weeks before I disappeared." He looked down, couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Why the suicide letters? Why'd you write them?" She was on a roll now, wanted answers to the most nagging questions, wanted to understand as much as possible. Because so far none of it made sense.

He sighed again, "I thought about making it look like a suicide, but then I changed my mind."

"Why did you change your mind?"

"Look, it doesn't matter. I did what I did, so you wouldn't blame yourself, and so you wouldn't come after me. You weren't supposed to come back here. Ever!"

"Why didn't you just come to me? Why didn't you talk to me?"

He got annoyed now, "And say what? Hey freckles, by the way, I feel like I need to go back to that island and spend the rest of my life there. I got a feeling that wouldn't have sat to well with you, sweetheart."

"But why were you still trying to have a baby with me then? Explain that to me Sawyer. You were just gonna knock me up and take off, like it meant nothing?"

He was getting angry now, walked a few steps towards her, she backed up to keep the same distance between them, "Please! You weren't trying to have a baby with me and we both know it!" His voice sounded harsh and angry.

Her face expressed shock; she didn't know what to say to that. How did he know? How could he have known?

He continued, "Oh, what sweetheart? Now you're speechless all of a sudden? You aren't even gonna try to deny it?"

She stuttered, "H-H ... How did you know?"

"I found your damn birth control pills, that's how! You know the ones you hid in your dresser drawer?"

She didn't say anything anymore. Her eyes burning a hole in the floor in front of her. He wasn't supposed to know that. She didn't know how to explain that to him without hurting him, so she didn't try to explain it at all.

He was quiet now. He'd overstepped it. Had said more then he'd meant to say. He never meant to tell her that he knew about the pills. Damn it.

She broke the silence again, "So this is it then? You're staying on this island because this island is your destiny? That's what you're saying right?" She looked up now, her green eyes trying her best to meet his, but he looked away.

He couldn't look at her, cause he knew he was breaking her heart with what he had to say. And with every word his heart was breaking again too, right in front of her, "Yeah, that's it Kate. I'm staying here."

She swallowed, trying her best to fight back tears ... it worked, "So what about Clementine? Aaron and Claire? What do you want me to tell them? What do you want me to tell Cassidy?"

He still couldn't look at her, "Tell them whatever you want. Doesn't matter to me."

That was it! She was done.

He can go to hell for all I care!

She stormed passed him back into the bathroom. Slammed the door shut. He didn't say anything, cause he knew there was nothing he could say to make this better ... nothing he could do to make his go away. Moments later she stormed back out, with her old dirty clothes back on, and without saying another word or giving him another look stormed out of his house.

He stood there for a moment, then let his body slide down the wall, slump down on the hardwood floor.

She'll never know how much I love her, just that I couldn't stay.

He buried his hands in his face, he's not the kind of man that just breaks down and cry ... but he wished he could be. Maybe it would feel better if he just let them tears fall for once. He shook his head to himself, got back of the floor.

I did what I had to do to save her. Doesn't matter if she'll never know the truth, I saved her by coming back here. I know I did the right thing, even if she'll never know why or what I did to save her.

Kate stormed off, she didn't really know where she was going. On a whim, she went down towards the boathouse and storage shack. Maybe there she'd find a quiet spot. She just wanted to be alone, so tired of everyone acting weird, like they know something she doesn't or they know what she knows but understand why he feels that way.

She doesn't understand this island. She feels no connection to this place. There are good and bad memories here, so much was true. But she didn't feel what everyone else seems to feel ... this place is not for her. This place is not her destiny. She doesn't belong here. But everyone here seems so content.

Rose, Bernard, Hurley, and Ben! And now even Sawyer? I just don't understand what happened to all of them? Like this island has some kind of spell over them.

She sat down behind the boathouse, hiding out of sight. Slouching on the floor, leaning against the remodeled boathouse.

I just don't know if I can stand to be here. To be around him for 4 more weeks like this. I need to find out the code for the fence and get the hell away from here.

With that thought, she jumped up and stormed back towards the houses, straight towards Hurleys house.

She walked in and to her surprise he was alone.

"Where is everybody?"

"Oh, you missed them, they already left. Where were you all morning?"

"Well, I went to Sawyers house to take a shower and be alone, but then he showed up."

Hurley raised his eyebrows, "And how did that work out?"

"He told me that he's staying here." Her eyes met Hurleys on purpose, tears stinging at the corner of her eyes.

"I'm really sorry Kate."

She could see Hurleys sad look, the sympathy in his eyes, this was her cue to ask for what she needed from him. She had him right where she wanted him.

"Hurley, I need to get away for a little while. I just can't be here, with no place to be by myself, and seeing him everywhere I turn. I need the code to the fence, so I can leave."

"Leave to go where? There's nothing out there."

"I'm going back to the beach, to our old camp. I will be back before the sub shows up. I wouldn't miss that sub, I can't wait to leave this place and I can't wait to see Aaron and Claire again. I promise, I'll come back Hurley. Just please let me leave. Please."

Hurley sighed, "Alright, but pack food and stuff, cause there's nothing out there anymore. And be careful, we still have them bears running around out there, so ... take a gun too, just in case."

She nodded, and Hurley pulled her in a hug. "Be careful, and promise you'll be back, or Frank will kill me. And when you get back, just punch in any number in the fence, it will sound an alarm at the security office, and I'll know you're out there trying to get back in. I'll send someone to let you in. 'Cause the code for the fence changes daily, dude."

She nodded against his tight embrace, but didn't say a thing.

He had stalled as long as possible, but it was getting dark out now and this day was coming to an end. He finally had worked up the nerve to walk up to Hurleys house with the box of clothes and shoes for her in his arms. He put the box down by his feet and knocked. He never knocks at Hurleys, but now that she lives here he felt the need to announce himself.

To his surprise Frank opened the door, "Awesome, just the person I was hoping for." The sarcasm clinging to every word.

"May I come in?" Sawyer asked, even though it really didn't matter to him what Frank would answer, he's coming in regardless.

Frank didn't say anything, just pulled the door open all the way and stepped out of the way himself.

Sawyer carried the box in the house, surprised to see everyone here. Everyone except his Freckles.

"What's going on? Did I miss the coconut telegraph about the secret meeting tonight?" He put the box down in the hallway that leads back to the bedroom.

Rose spoke up, "We were just talking about you and Kate?"

Sawyer cast a look over to Frank.

Frank just nodded, "Yeah, I know the truth now. Why didn't you tell us?"

Sawyer sighed, both relieved that Frank now understood but at the same time worried why they'd discuss this so openly, when Kate could walk in any moment.

"Would you've believed me?"

"Hell, a couple years ago, probably not. But now, after hearing about your time travel, smoke monsters, and little boys that don't remember who their mom was ... I would have called you an idiot, but I'd have believe you."

"Where is she?" He finally asked.

"She left." Bernard spoke out.

Hurley pulled out a chair at the table for Sawyer to sit, before he spoke "She wanted to be alone for a while to think, so I let her go. She went into the jungle."

He didn't feel like sitting, instead just leaned against the wall "Alone? And you just let her leave? Are you out of your damn mind?"

Rose spoke up, "She'll be fine. She took food and water with her, and Bernard drew a map to our old house out in the jungle for her. Give her a couple days to think."

He finally grabbed the chair, turned it around and sat down. Draping his arms across the back of the chair, "Maybe you're right. But I still don't like the thought of her being out there all alone."

A few hours and bottles of whiskey later

Sawyer leaned back on the couch, looking around his group of friends and took another drink from his whiskey. "The night before I left, we were lying in bed and talking of old times. You know, families and home towns. She wondered if we'd both agree on where we'd settle down. And I told her that we'd cross that bridge whenever it arrived. That Thursday morning through the flames I could see her standin' on the other side of that bridge."

Rose said with an obvious slur to her voice, "That has to be the saddest thing I've ever heard Sweetheart."

Bernard chimed in, "Of course she's gonna be mad at you, what do you expect? What kind of wife would she be if she wouldn't let you suffer for a while?"

Rose glanced him a look.

Bernard continued when he noticed he had every ones attention, "I mean you left her, staged your own death. What is she supposed to do? Run into your arms and act like nothing ever happened. That's unrealistic, she has to make you suffer, has to put you through hell, cause you put her through hell yourself."

Rose spoke up again, "Isn't there any way you could convince her to stay here with you?"

Sawyer shook his head, "No way, she'd never leave Aaron ... not in a million years. Even that whole talk about where we'd settle down some day ... I already knew it would be close to Aaron. She'll never stop loving that kid." He smiled at the thought of Aaron, and the next thing that popped in his mind was Clementine. He missed her so much. With that thought, he pushed himself up and out of the sofa.

"I'm gonna head on home now, gotta go to work tomorrow. Can't play hooky every day, just because my wife hates me." And with that Sawyer left Hurleys house.

After the door shut behind him, Frank spoke up.

He wanted to clarify a few things, "So nobody can tell her why he did it, or it will be all for nothing?"

Ben nodded, and said, "Yes Frank, that's the rules."

Frank continued, "But what if she figures it out by herself, would that undo everything?"

Ben shook his head now, "No, that wouldn't change anything. If she could figure it out on her own, than she'd still be fine."

Rose spoke up, "There has to be something we can do to get them back together?"

Frank said, "For what? Jim's right, she will never stay here, and apparently Sawyer can't leave."

Ben chimed in, "Well, that's not entirely true."

All eyes focused on Ben now, and he sighed, "As of right now, the island isn't done with James, but that could change."

Bernard questioned, "And how would he know if it changed. How would he know if he can leave and never come back?"

"Hurley will know."

Everyone stared at Hurley now, "It's true, I can feel it somehow. Right now the island wants Sawyer here, needs him here to do his job in securing it. But I'll know when he's not needed anymore. I'll know when he's free to go."

"Does Jim know about that?" Frank wanted to know.

"No, he doesn't."

"Why not?" Rose asked.

"Because knowing Sawyer, he'd come over here and bug the crap out of me every day wanting to know if he could leave."

Somewhere else in the jungle

She'd made it to the little shack by the beach before it got dark out. She'd started a fire right when she'd got there. This was different she thought. She couldn't recall ever being all alone out in the jungle ... ever. Someone was always with her ... Locke, Sawyer or Jack. She smiled, all the men that were possessed by the island at some point.

She rubbed her arm, trying to get rid of the goose bumps forming on her arms. She wished she wouldn't have left the barracks after all. She wanted to be alone, but now alone felt more like lonely. She wished Sawyer would step out of the jungle, like he'd so many times before. But she knew that wouldn't happen. He'd never follow her again ... just like she was done following him.

We're done! Happily ever after just wasn't in our cards. She lied down on the sleeping bag that she'd brought. Staring up at the stars above. She didn't feel like sleeping in the little house, she was cold and decided to stay out by the fire instead. Staring up, surprised that the tree branches were allowing her to see the stars at all.

He sat down at the little bench in front of his house, he couldn't sleep knowing she's out there all alone. He looked up at the sky. Staring at the stars above ... it was such a clear night, not a raincloud in sight tonight. At least she'd stay dry out there all alone. He sat there for a little while longer until he could feel exhaustion take over and he knew it was time to head back inside. The whiskey finally doing it's part and letting him sleep.

The next evening

Sawyer rushed back to the barracks, walking straight up to Hurley's house. He walked right in without knocking.

"Where is she?"

"She's over at Rose's."

Sawyer was just about to walk back out and rush to her side, when Hurley grabbed him by the arm. "She's fine dude. The doc checked her out, and said she just hit her head a little hard when she fell, that's all."

"That's all? She came back to the barracks and passed out hitting her head, and you say that's all?"

"Dude, she was exhausted from trekking through the jungle, she's resting now. I really think you going over there will just upset her right now, just let her be dude."

Sawyer sighed, and shut the front door again. "Yeah, you're probably right. It just sucks, you know."

Hurley padded him on the back, "Yeah, I know, it totally sucks dude."

2 days later

Kate was in the supply room again, packing all sorts of food and things into her backpack for her little excursion with Ben today. Frank thought she was crazy for going anywhere with Ben. But she'd have agreed to anything, any job just to keep her mind of Sawyer for a couple hours of the day. Just to be far away from him, just to keep busy, because as much as she was trying to deny it. She still loved him.

Just because he walked away didn't mean her feelings for him would just change over night. She was hurt, embarrassed, angry ... the list could go on and on. But sadly, she was also still very much in love with him. Pointless really, but she was. She still loved him with all her heart. She still had this urge to touch him, every time she saw him. But she wasn't stupid enough to give into those urges, ... we're done.

He said he made his choice and he's sticking to it. And if god help me so will I! No going back now. Although the latest developments scared her to death. What if ...

Ben startled her out of her thoughts, "Are you ready to go Kate?"

She quickly hid all the Dharma items in her pack and closed it before Ben stepped closer to her. "Yeah, I just got a few things to eat. I'm ready. So where are we going?"

"You'll see here in a minute."

Ben took a few food things from the shelf and put them also in his pack, then grabbed a few cardboard boxes and handed some to Kate. She took them and followed him out. He threw the boxes onto the boat, Kate raised her eyebrows.

"We're taking the boat?"

"Of course Kate, how else would we get to Hydra Island?"

Oh no, she didn't sign up for this. "You didn't say anything about going to Hydra Island. You said we'd empty out some old dharma stations, that's all."

"Yes, that's all. We're starting to empty out the dharma stations over on Hydra Island."

She threw the boxes on the boat too, but then stood there for a moment with her arms folded as if she was pouting.

Ben untied the boat from the small dock that had been build there fairly recently, and he looked up at Kate, "Are you coming Kate?"

She sighed and took a look back towards the barracks. She knew he was somewhere around here ... hell, Hydra Island was probably the only place today where she wouldn't run across him.

"Yeah, I'm coming." And with that she climbed into the boat.

It was an electric boat, but then again she really didn't know anything about boats. To her it looked similar to the one Michael had left the island with, but it was bigger and a lot newer. She remembered that moment when they all watched Michael leave with Walt. She felt betrayed by him, but then again, at this point in her life there wasn't a whole lot she wouldn't do for Aaron. Michael had only wanted to save his child. She couldn't blame him anymore for than. How ironic she thought as she watched Ben stir the boat in front of her. Who would have ever thought she'd go back to Hydra Island with Ben ... and this time not against her will.

The both stayed quiet for a while, until Ben decided to break the silence.

"I know you don't feel it Kate, but this island is indeed special." He turned his head to meet her eyes when he spoke.

Kate got up and moved closer to him, "You're right, I don't feel it. All this island has ever done was kill people, how could I think in any way that that's something special to protect."

Ben shook his head, "See, that's how Jacob ran things, everything's different now. Hurley does things his own way, and he has no intentions of bringing anyone back to the island."

"He brought Sawyer back. And all those people, thinking they're part of the Dharma initiative." She folded her arms in front of her again.

"Now see, all of those people had a choice. They all were alone, most of them raised in foster care, and they were simply offered a job. It was up to them whether or not to take the job. Hurley unlike Jacob forced them into nothing." He paused a moment as if he was figuring out how to form his next sentence. "Now James on the other hand was different. He really had a calling ... I guess you could call it that. Something happened to him and he knew instantly what he had to do. He knew the only way to find peace was to come back to this place."

She shook her head, "I don't buy that. Sawyer isn't like that."

"Apparently he is."

"No, he's not. After everything we've been through together, he would have talked it over with me. The Sawyer that I love and married wouldn't have just walked out on me like that. I just don't believe that."

"Has it ever crossed your mind that he had no choice but to do things the way that he did?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Jack had his calling when he decided he needed to stay behind. Not just to save the island, but to save you and Sawyer and everyone really ... I mean if you think about it. Maybe Sawyer had a similar calling, and he had to do things his way to save the ones that needed saving."

"Ben, for once could you just stop with the cryptic messages and tell me the truth? Do you know why Sawyer did what he did?" Her eyes were soft, pleading with Ben to tell her the truth.

Ben glanced at her and saw the hopeful look in her eyes, "I'm sorry Kate. Nobody can tell you why he's here. That would be against the rules. If he told you or if anyone told you why he did what he did, then all of it would have been for nothing."

She sighed knowing she wasn't gonna get the answer she was hoping for.

Ben continued, "However, nobody's stopping you from finding the answers yourself."

She didn't say anything else, 'cause she knew it was pointless. Nobody's allowed to tell her? Just terrific! How the hell is she supposed to find out why if nobody can tell her why?

Caught in her own thoughts, she didn't even realize they'd reached the newly build dock on Hydra island. She got startled when Ben turned the engine off.

She put her back pack back on and grabbed the folded up cardboard boxes. Ben supported her by her elbow as she climbed out of the boat onto the dock. Just then she noticed the other boat tied to the other side of the dock.

She turned back around to Ben and asked, "Who else is here?"

But before Ben could even answer, she heard someone yell behind her, "Freckles?"

She turned around to look at him. This cannot be true. What the hell is he doing here?

Apparently he was thinking the same thing,

"What the hell are you doing here?" he said as he walked towards her.

When she didn't answer him, he continued with his questions, "Shouldn't you be taking it easy? Heard you passed out and hit your head."

He stopped right in front of her, and reached for her head to inspect her head wound.

She pulled away. It was clearly she didn't want him to touch her.

"I'm fine, don't touch it."

He frowned, then took the boxes out of her hands, and she let him.

Ben finally interrupted the awkward reunion, "Well, guess I forgot to mention James and Drake would be helping out today too."

Kate casted him an evil glance, "Yeah, right Ben. I guess you forgot."

The three of them walked down the dock towards the jungle. Sawyer walked ahead of her with the boxes in his hands. Ben walked side by side with her, obviously amused. She looked back at the other island behind her for a moment.

So much for taking my mind of him today!

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21 Nothing's changed

They'd separated again. Sawyer was clearly disappointed when she said she'd stick around to help Ben with whatever he was doing. None the less, they were all heading for the same building. The building Ben had held Karl prisoner in once. The building with room number 23.

Sawyer walked in one room with Drake, and Kate followed Ben into a different room. But then again, what did he expect of her. Like Bernard had said, what kind of wife would she be if she didn't make him suffer. He wondered if Ben still got some sick pleasure out of torturing the both of them like this. He had no idea Kate was going to be here today. Ben had obviously forgotten to mention that little tidbit when he'd asked him to help out on Hydra Island today.

It was obvious that Kate hadn't known either. She'd been conned into this just like him. That was clear when he'd seen that look on her face earlier at the dock.

So they spend hours like this, going through things, packing up boxes, taping them shut, and stacking them in the hallway. Everywhere were empty boxes piled up, ready to be filled. They'd been brought here a while back, ... this had apparently been planned a while ago, from the looks of it.

All of them pretty much worked in silence. Sawyer and Drake not talking and neither were Ben and Kate in the room across the hall.

She started to feel light headed again, so she sat down. Ben glanced over at her, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I just ... I didn't eat breakfast, and I guess I should have."

Ben stopped what he was doing. "We can take a break, go outside and eat something."

She looked up at him from her sitting position on the floor and just nodded. Ben reached out, she took his hand and he helped her up to a standing position.

Right in that moment Sawyer had looked across the hallway and saw Ben help her up.

He shook his head and mumbled under his breath, "Now there's something you don't see every day. Captain Bunny Killer and Freckles all chummy."

Drake looked over at him, "What did you say?"

He just shook his head, "Nothin'."

Then he saw Ben poke his head around the corner. "We're taking a break and having lunch. If you wanna join us tag along?"

Drake looked at Sawyer, Sawyer looked at him, and both nodded.

Kate was already outside, sitting on the staircase that lead up to the entrance of the building.

She didn't look happy when she saw Sawyer following Ben out of the door.

Ben noticed it too, then said, "How about we walk over to the beach?

Nobody disagreed with him, and they all just followed along.

They settled down in the sand, it was nice and warm and the sun was high. The ocean breeze was so familiar, she closed her eyes for a moment to cherish the familiarity of it all, but Ben brought her out of the moment.

"You're okay Kate? Still dizzy?" he said.

Sawyer casted a worried look over at Kate. She notices his eyes on her but avoided them at all cost.

Kate replied, "Who said I was dizzy?"

Ben acted surprised, "Oh, well, I just thought you were. It looked like you were dizzy up in the building. Isn't that why you sat down to take a break?"

She shook her head lightly, "No Ben, it wasn't. I took a break because I was exhausted, hungry and thirsty ... not dizzy." She looked up at Ben with a faint smile on her face.

She dug in her back pack and got something out to eat. Ben did the same. Sawyer and Drake had apparently also brought something to eat too. Everyone just sat in silence, ate and drank.

She noticed Sawyer didn't have a drink. She had an extra bottle of water in her bag. Should she offer it to him? She looked down at herself, ... she was wearing the clothes he'd found and washed for her. Without giving it any more thought she rifled through her back pack and pulled the water bottle out.

She looked over at him and said, "Hey."

He turned his head towards her just in time to catch the water bottle coming at him. He smiled at her, "Thanks" and took a drink.

She shyly smiled back at him, "Don't mention it." And with that the moment had passed, she focused again on the eating, while she stared out onto the ocean. It calmed her, always had.

Ben startled her by asking a question, "Funny, ain't it Kate?"

Kate looked at him, "What's that?"

"I was just thinking about the last time you and me where on this island eating together at the beach. Do you remember that?"

She stared at him, couldn't believe he'd bring that up now, here. She frowned, "Of course I remember that, how could I forget? You forced me to wear one of your daughters dresses and made me wear handcuffs the entire time."

"Yes, but then again. I knew already what you were capable of then, so you can see why I felt the need to have you in handcuffs that morning."

Drake looked around the group, he obviously had no idea about the history that had taken part on this island. Sawyer on the other hand looked like he wanted to strangle Ben for even bringing it up.

Ben wasn't finished, "And I still remember how surprised I was when you asked about Sawyer first instead of Jack. I guess I should have seen that the two of you had more in common with each other then you and Jack ever did."

Sawyer was surprised about that. He tried not to show it. But he couldn't help but search Kate's face for some sign that what Ben was saying was the truth.

Her eyes were focused on the ocean and she chuckled, "I guess I really know how to pick them, don't I." And with that, she packed up her food and got up of the sand. "I'm going back to work." And she walked off, back into the jungle ... back towards the building they'd been working on.

Sawyer packed his food up too, and casted a look at Ben, "You really know how to charm the ladies Ben, don't ya'?" He got up and hurried after Kate.

He never caught up with her in the jungle. She was already back at work by the time he got there.

He stood in the doorframe, "You okay freckles?"

She looked up from the box she was packing, "Yeah, I'm fine." No trace of any emotion attached to her voice. She'd ran out of feelings it seemed. She felt like just an empty shell of herself, all fresh out of tears!

Sawyer went back to work too.

This was going to be a long day.

It was time to go, all of them standing in front of the building.

Kate asked, "So why aren't we taking any of the boxes back with us today?"

Ben said, "That's a job for a bigger boat and a bigger crew."

Ben handed out last minute orders. "Sawyer and Drake, I need you to make sure the buildings are secure before you head out. But don't worry about the main building, I'll lock the main building up myself, I have to drop by my old office real quick anyways."

Kate looked at him, "What about me?"

"You can go with them and help them." He suggested towards Sawyer, "Or you can come with me to my office. But we need to get moving, 'cause we only have about 2 hours 'til it gets dark."

Without even looking in Sawyers direction she agreed, "I'm with you Ben."

Sawyer frowned, "All righty then, let's get this show on the road before night fall and let's all meet back at the dock."

Drake and Sawyer took off in one direction. Kate followed closely behind Ben. Sawyer looked back one last time when he saw Kate disappear with Ben in the distance.

He moaned in pain, when he reached back to touch his head and felt something sticky and still a little warm on his hand. Slowly he came to realize where he was and what had happened.

Son of a bitch. Drake must have knocked me out cold.

He immediately reached down ... yes, he still had his gun, but his walkie-talkie was missing.

It was already pitch black out, he couldn't even see his hand in front of his eyes. But regardless, he knew that warm sticky stuff was blood. His blood from his head wound, where Drake must have hit him with something. Something really hard apparently.

He slowly got up. Still a little dizzy he came to stand on his feet again.

His back pack? He got back on the ground, not able to see anything he searched blindly around the ground, and was relieved when he finally found it. He opened the front pocket of the pack and got his lighter out. He searched for a big enough stick, took a spare piece of clothes out of his pack that he kept for this very reason. Just in case he'd ever find himself stuck in the jungle at night. He wrapped the cloth around the end of the stick tightly, knotting it at the end and lit it on fire.

Finally he was able to see. There was the building, and he realized that normally there'd be lights on, on the outside of the buildings, but they weren't. Which meant the power was off.

He should have been worried about why Drake had done what he had, but instead his first worry was for Kate. Where was she? Where was Ben?

He started walking towards the dock, trekking through the jungle with a torch just like old times, wondering what the hell is going on all over again. He thought about yelling for her, but then changed his mind cause whoever was behind this, shouldn't be aware of the fact that he was up and walking again. Not that the fire in the midst of jungle darkness didn't give him away already.

He stepped onto the dock, and with the moonlight reflecting of the ocean, he immediately saw that both boats were gone.

Son of a bitch. That's it, he threw caution to the wind and started yelling when he marched back into the jungle.

"KATE? KATE? WHERE ARE YOU?"

He finally made it to the building that Kate and Ben were heading to when the group decided to split. He stuck the big flaming stick into the ground, he couldn't take it inside, ... he'd just end up torching the entire building. He slowly made his way into the dark hallway of the building. Everything was silent. Not a noise. Nothing.

There was a double door to his right, so he slowly pushed it open. He lit up his lighter, trying to see. It looked like an office ... this must have been Ben's office he'd talked about. He looked around the room, walked behind Ben's desk and rifled through his desk drawers, finally finding what he'd been looking for. A flashlight.

He turned it on and looked around the room, ... there was no telling really if Kate and Ben had ever made it this far. His heart grew heavy ... wondering what had happened to her.

God please, after everything we've been through, please let her be alright.

He walked back into the hallway, slowly making his way further down the hall. Checking room after room. But found nobody.

All the way down on the right was another double door, but this one was made out of heavy metal.

He yelled again, "KATE?"

And to his surprise, this time he got an answer, "Sawyer?" Her voice was raspy and not very loud.

He ran towards the sound of her voice, reaching the door. It was looked, he couldn't open it.

"Kate? Are you alright?" He tried to look through one of the tiny glass windows in the door, but it was too dark and the flashlight just reflected right off of it.

Her voice was so quiet, like she could barely speak. "I'm okay. Ben locked me in here and just left. I've been yelling for hours, but he never came back."

He tried to shake the door, but it wouldn't budge. "Hold on, I'll get you out of there."

He traced the outline of the doors with the flashlight, realizing that the hinges were on the inside, meaning the doors opened up towards the room she was in.

"Listen, I'm gonna try to kick the door open, so you need to step back, alright?"

"Okay." Then he heard, "I backed away."

He kicked the door ... one, two, three times ... but the door wouldn't budge. He tried again. Nothing happened.

Son of a bitch.

Frustrated he said, "I'll be right back."

He started walking away, when she said, "Sawyer, please don't leave me, it's so dark in here. Please don't walk away."

He could hear it in her voice, she was about to cry. He sighed and turned back around, talking through the tiny gap between the two heavy metal doors, "I ain't leaving baby, I just have to look for an axe or something to get this door open. I promise I'll be right back."

He could hear her heavy breathing on the other side of that door, ... he knew she was crying.

"Say something freckles?"

Her voice so quiet and low, "I don't want you to go. I've tried for hours to get out of here, but I can't. There are windows, but they are rusted shut, I tried to break the glass ... its freakin' unbreakable or something. I can't get out Sawyer." She sighed and he sighed on the other side of the door. Then she said, "I'm scared."

She's scared? He hadn't expected that ... his freckles didn't get scared, and even if she did ... well she damn sure wasn't just gonna say it out loud. This was new. But truth be told, he was scared too. Not because she was stuck in that room ... no, he'd get her out one way or another ... sooner or later. But he was worried about the boats being gone. Now that was something to be fucking scared about!

"Freckles, ain't no reason to be scared. I'll get you out. Trust me."

Trust him? He could just picture her roll her eyes at him behind that heavy metal door. He knew damn well after everything he'd done to her that he was untrustworthy.

He dug his lighter out of his pocket and crouched down on the floor. There was a gap underneath the door, not big, but big enough to slide his lighter through.

"Hey, I pushed my lighter through, so you have some light in there."

"Got it ... thank you." She said quietly.

"Don't mention it." He said mimicking her after she'd given him the water bottle at the beach.

"Now listen, I'm gonna see if I get the power turned on again, alright? And then I'll try to find something to get you outa there."

She didn't say anything.

"I'll be right back. Stay put."

A very sarcastic "Funny" was all he heard from behind the door. He smiled and pictured her smiling for a moment too.

He roamed the building, wondering where the circuit breaker might be ... but he couldn't find it. Then he searched for anything he could us to get that damn door open, but it was pointless.

It was too dark and this flashlight too small. He thought about using the torch but then changed his mind, cause if he really set the building on fire with her locked up in that room ... hell, he didn't even wanna finish that thought. They'd have no choice but to wait 'til dawn.

He walked back over to where Kate was being held prisoner.

"I'm back." He announced himself. Then sat down on the floor, with his back against the door, his head turned as he talked into the gap where the two doors joined. "Are you alright in there?" He turned the flashlight off, not wanting to waste the battery. He could see the faint light from the lighter through the gap.

He heard her settle down on the other side before she answered, "Yeah, I'm alright now. Thanks for the lighter."

"It's too dark, I can't find anything sugar. Once the sun comes up, I'll figure out a way to get you out of there, I swear."

"Okay." Was all she said.

After a long silence, he said, "Might as well get comfortable in there."

She answered, "I am comfortable right here."

He smiled, ... she's stubborn as always. But moments later he heard her move around in there.

"What's all the commotion about?"

"I got me a pillow and a blanket."

"Son of a bitch. You got pillows and blankets in there?"

"Yup. And beds too."

He smiled, "Hell in that case, maybe I should try a little harder to get this damn door open."

He could hear her laugh, "Yeah, maybe you should."

A big smile formed on his face ... god he missed hearing her laugh. She hadn't laughed once since she'd gotten here ... at least not as far as he could tell. And let's face it, neither had he.

He moved his back pack around, so he could use it as a pillow, and he tried to get comfortable lying down.

"Hey, what are you doing in there?" he asked trying to avoid the uncomfortable silence. He felt the need to take advantage of the fact that she was actually talking to him.

"Nothing. What are you doing?"

"I'm getting comfortable, figured we might as well get some shut eye."

Silence again, until she said, "So, what happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Ben tricked me into this room, told me to help him look for something, and before I knew it he locked the doors from the outside. Told me some crap like this is for my own good, and took off. That's what happened to me. So what happened to you?"

He sighed, "We were walking around the outside of the building, when I got hit in the head with something hard ... next thing I knew, I was waking up on the ground, it's dark out and my walkie-talkie is gone."

"Oh." He heard from the other side.

"Where are you?" He asked, cause her voice sounded so close.

"I'm right here, on the other side of the door."

"There aren't any beds in there after all, huh?"

"Sure there are, a couple actually, why?"

"If there are beds then why are you lying down by the door?"

Silence again, then she said, "How would I be able to talk to you then?"

He smiled again, "You're right, this is much better."

As he was trying to get comfortable on the cold cement floor, he tried to think of how to say it.

"I'm sorry Kate. I really am sorry for everything."

She didn't say anything again. He could hear her almost silent sobs. The urge to wrap her in his arms was almost unbearable. How the hell did they get here?

She surprised him when she started talking again, "I miss you."

Fuck! It hit him like a sledgehammer to the heart. It broke his heart all over again, "I miss you too." He almost whispered it against the door.

Silence again. He closed his eyes, picturing her on the other side of that damn door. She missed him, he missed her. Still that didn't really change anything. He wasn't stupid enough to think that this would mean anything in the morning light. He knew the only reason she'd admitted to it was because there was a big barrier of a door separating them from one another. He knew this wouldn't last come dawn.

Silence again for a while.

"I knew you weren't pregnant."

"What?"

"Four years ago, when you showed up with Sayid to get Charlotte. I knew you weren't pregnant."

He could hear her move around on the other side, "And how would you have known that?"

"You came to my house to ask me to help you bust Ben out, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"I handed you a glass of dharma wine, you took it, and drank it."

Silence again from her side of the door.

He continued, "That's another reason I was so happy when you finally told me you were sure that you weren't pregnant. I thought you were finally opening up to me, finally sharin' something with me that concerned us both, instead of making me worry about it. I thought we were making progress, so I was happy ... not realizing you might have wanted a baby with me."

She said nothing, then he asked "Did you?"

He heard her shift again, before she said "It wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world."

This time he said nothing. He stayed silent, not really knowing what to say. He didn't want to hurt her feelings anymore then he already had ... and truth be told, what would they have done with a baby way back when. Both of them too immature at the time.

She cleared her voice and said, "I didn't sleep with you because I was jealous of Juliet having dinner with Jack."

He shifted now and faced the door. So close that the tip of his nose almost touched the cold metal door in front of him, "I'm listening" was all he said.

"I did like Jack a lot, and I knew he liked me ... but we weren't together or anything like that. I did fall in love with you. And what Ben said earlier ... you know, I did ask about you first. Anyway, I was upset and crying because he had dinner with the same woman that had held a gun on me not too long ago. I was angry and I was tired of pretending I didn't care about you, just to spare Jack another blow to his apparently already shattered ego. So I came to your tent not because I was jealous of her. I came to you because I was mad at Jack and I wanted you ... so that's that."

A big smile formed on his face from one ear to the other. It only lasted a couple of seconds before he realized that he had ended up with that same woman. And he wasn't just having dinner ... nooo, he had a whole relationship going on with her. Damn it. The smile was gone!

He knew they were already in too deep, no point in hiding things anymore.

Confession time.

"I slept with Anna Lucia."

"What?" came back faster then he expected.

"You heard me!" No point in repeating it again.

Silence again. She was quiet, didn't even move ... he started to regret having confessed it, but there was no turning back.

"You went on a hike with Jack to find the others. To find out about Michael or whatever. And ... you were gone all night. I was mad, and yes I was jealous. I pictured you with him ... anyway, the next day Anna Lucia jumped me. And I went along, cause hell ... you were with the doc and ... are you getting me?"

Silence again. Then she asked, "That's how she got your gun?"

He was relieved she was still speakin' to him, "Yes. That's how."

"That's why you'd thought me being tangled in a net with Jack meant something else?"

"Yes."

"You're an idiot Sawyer."

"I know." He huffed as if he was exhausted. Exhausted of his own stupidity.

Silence again.

"I slept with Jack."

He knew that but her saying it out loud made it somehow painful all over again. But he wouldn't let that on now. Not after she didn't scream at him after his Anna Lucia confession from moments ago.

"Not in the net though, right? You mean off the island?"

"Yeah, off the island. But I slept with him the night before we came back. The night before the Ajira flight."

He swallowed hard ... but who was he to be jealous. Hadn't he spend that night in Juliet's arms? It took everything he had to keep his cool.

"I thought you were broken up."

"We were."

"Then why did you sleep with him?"

"'Cause I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't love you anymore. That I wasn't going back to the island to find you ... if that makes any sense at all."

He was quiet now. Didn't know what to say.

"Say something please?" She begged from behind the door.

Silence again until he finally said, "I'm sorry I jumped." Both of them quiet again.

He finally spoke up, "Maybe we should try to get some sleep now ... think we've done enough talking for one night."

"Okay" she said quietly.

He heard a noise under the door, when settled on his side, facing the door, his hand slouched down to the floor and touched something.

He opened his eyes, but it was too dark to see. His hands searching and then he realized what it was. Three finger tips poking out on his side of the door.

He smiled and put his hand over her finger tips, closed his eyes again and tried to sleep. Tried also really hard not to read too much into it ... wishful thinking never got him anywhere. It's a waste of time really.

He was already dozing off into dreams of her, when she startled him.

"Sawyer? What about your gun? Do you still have your gun?"

He moved to quickly and bumped his head on the door, he'd forgotten how close he was to it.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Your gun? Do you have it?"

"Yeah, I got it. Why?" Want me to put an end to the sorry excuse of a husband that I am?

"Couldn't you try to shoot the lock to get the door open?"

Son of a bitch. I swear to god this woman has to be 10 times smarter then me.

Not letting his excitement show through his voice or his words, "Guess it's worth a try, sassafras."

He got up quick. Then he held the flashlight over the crack where both doors met.

"Tell me when."

He slowly moved his way down the door.

"Right there." She yelled.

He moved the flashlight up again, "Right here?"

"Yes"

"Alright freckles. Get away from the door and if possible hide behind something sturdy ... preferably metal."

After a just a few seconds, she said, "I'm ready."

Shots were fired ... two to be exact. He kicked the door opened. It worked.

She got out of hiding, and he pulled her in his arms, kissing the top of her head in the darkness. She untangled herself from his arms, grabbed the pillow and blanket back of the floor. He got his pack from outside the door and came back in.

Nobody spoke another word. He looked around the room with his flashlight. There were beds, she'd told the truth. She grabbed his hand and again without saying a thing, both settled in one of the twin size beds together.

Spooning, cuddling, holding her in his arms, holding her hands, smelling her hair. He indulged in the moment, cause he wasn't fool enough to think this would last come morning light. Nothing's changed. He wasn't going to leave the island ... and she was leaving in three weeks on that sub. Should they ever make it off this island in time.

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	22. Chapter 22 Mrs LaFleur

The sound of footsteps made him sit up in the bed fast. His head was hurting, but not as bad as he'd expected it to hurt. He had to blink his eyes a few times to focus on her looking at him from across the room.

He grunted with every move, but a "Good morning" still managed to escape his lips. She didn't answer him.

She stood there leaning against the door watching him swing his feet off the bed.

He looked over at her smiling slightly, when she pointed up towards the light and said, "The power's back on."

He raised his head and looked up, "Son of a bitch." He grunted again as if he was in pain, "That means those bastards were still here when we went to sleep or they came back while we were out."

He looked at her again, and she just nodded in agreement.

She tried hard not to look at him, but truth be told, she had missed him. He was just in his boxers, nothing else. Sometime during the night he'd shed his boots, socks and dharmasuit to be more comfortable. She however had remained completely dressed during the night. But either way, it had been nice to fall asleep in his arms again ... but she'd never admit to it now.

Silence again ... he knew it would be like this, she'd be back to being 'Mrs.-I-don't-speak-to-dead-husbands'!

She started pacing again ... mindlessly walking around the small room again, still not saying much of anything. He bent down to pick up his coveralls and pulled them on, that's when she finally said something again.

"You're head." She rushed over to him, standing over him while she inspected the bloody mess in his hair with her hands.

He reached up trying to touch it, but she swatted his fingers away. "Don't touch."

"How bad is it?" He asked, glaring up at her.

She shrugged her shoulders, "The blood's all dried up. It looks like it needs to be cleaned. Stay here, don't get up."

She pulled one of the heavy double doors open and left the room. He got up anyways, pulling the suit back on all the way and zipping it up. He sat back down to pull on his boots. Then he just sat there with his elbows resting on his legs, and his face buried in his hands.

The door swung open again, and there she was with a couple pieces of cloth, a few towels, a small container filled with water and a first aid kit.

She handed him the water, he took it without words being exchanged. She wrapped the towel around his shoulders. Looks were exchanged. He held the water up for her to saturate the cloth. She started by dipping some of the cloth in the water. She stepped closer, with one leg between his knees. Hovering over him, gently trying to clean the blood out of his hair to see how bad the wound was.

He could feel little jolts of electricity run through his body whenever she touched his skin with her fingertips while moving his hair around and gently cleaning the wound. For a moment there he vowed to thank Drake for hitting him in the head ... her fussing over him like this was definitely worth it. He just closed his eyes, trying to relax and enjoy it while it lasted. But he also closed his eyes, cause she was standing so close and his eyes seemed to focus on parts of her body that he knew he had no right to think about right now.

Her body so close, all he had to do was reach up and grab her. Cup her behind and let his hands wander up to her tiny waist and pull her into his lap. Daydreaming ... he knew better than that.

Moments later she spoke again, "I'm not a doctor, but I think you'll be okay... it seems to be healing already, there's already a scab. But try not to scratch it, or you'll scratch it right off."

"Thanks." He said, looking up at her and meeting her eyes with a smile on his lips. She smiled back at him ... but just a small smile. There's hope he thought.

She took the water from him and put it on the floor. Then she used the towel from his shoulders to dry his hair again, without aggravating the wound. Again, she was so close to him, he imagined pulling her shirt up and kissing her abdomen that was right in front of him. It took everything he had to talk himself out of it. He closed his eyes again instead and just let her do what she was doing.

"All done." She exclaimed, stepping back from him and picking the water container back off the floor. She left the room again, and this time he got up and followed her.

"So, how long have you been up?" He followed her down the hallway and into a bathroom.

She turned around to look at him, "Long enough to walk to the beach and see that the boats are gone."

He nodded, "Yeah, I discovered that last night. They must have either moved the boats and docked somewhere else, or they did leave and came back some time later."

She nodded in agreement again while she put everything back where she found it, except for the bloody towel and cloth ... she threw those in the sink instead.

She turned around to face him, "Are you hungry?"

"I can always eat."

"I found a kitchen with food, a little further down the hall." She pointed towards the direction of the front door.

As they both walked in he inspected the kitchen, he was surprised to find an entire pantry filled with food. Dharma initiative food of course. He opened the refrigerator but was surprised that everything in it seemed fresh and new. He turned around to look at her with his eyebrows raised, "Did you see this freckles?"

She leaned against the kitchen counter with her arms folded in front of her, "Yeah, I saw it."

"Don't you find that a little odd?"

"Should I?" Now she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I mean, don't you guys come here and work here sometimes? I figured that's why that's here?"

He closed the fridge all the way again, as he moved over to the pantry and started looking for coffee. He said, "'Us guys' don't come here as far as I know. And I should know since I'm head of security." He paused then held up a plastic container and said in a triumphant voice, "Haha I found coffee." He smirked as if he just won the lottery.

She rolled her eyes at him, but secretly delighted herself ... she could use a cup of coffee too.

Sawyer proceeded to make the coffee, while she got some cereal out, then carefully inspected the milk for a foul odor.

They both sat down and had breakfast at the kitchen table. His head was itching, but she scolded him for trying to scratch it. Both of them elaborating about last nights events again, but cautiously not mentioning the part about sleeping in each others arms.

"So, what now?" She looked up at him from her empty bowl.

"Now, we search this damn island for a boat and get the hell out of here." He said with a stern voice.

She smiled a little again, "Sounds good to me."

They got their backpacks from the bedroom, packed some dharma food from the kitchen, filled up their water bottles and started to search the surrounding area. Walking side by side, just like old times it seemed. Exploring the old Dharma buildings.

They came across the locker/shower room.

Sawyer looked around, "This where they made you take a shower freckles?"

She nodded and said, "Yup." She folded her arms in front of her and turned to him, "Can we go now?"

He walked over to her when he saw that upset look on her face. He stopped right in front of her, lifting her chin up with his hand so she'd meet his eyes, "That was years ago sugar. No reason to get all upset over something long gone, alright?"

She nodded, but still looked upset ... his cue to pull her in his arms. She didn't fight it when he wrapped his arms around her. Instead she hugged him back while burying her face that was now tear streaked in his chest. After a few minutes of just standing there like that, she slowly loosened her arms around him and so did he. Without exchanging another word, they started walking around the locker room, surprised when they stumbled upon a washer and dryer. Both of them looked at each other in surprise.

Sawyer looked at Kate, "Beds, kitchen, showers, washer, dryers? And those bastards locked us up in fucking cages?"

She looked up at him, "Let's just get out of here ... maybe we should walk along the beach, there has to be a boat or canoe somewhere?"

As they left the locker room, she reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. He glanced down at her, not knowing what to make of it. She shyly smiled up at him. His brain was working overtime to come up with a funny comment, but he bit his tongue instead.

I just need to keep my big mouth shut and take whatever I can get. Right now that means her fingers intertwined with mine ... that will have to do for now!

Walking right along where the sand from the beach meets the jungle looking for canoe or boats or anything they could use as such. They walked for quite some time, no longer holding hands. She didn't remember why she'd taken his hand in the first place and he didn't know what he'd done to make her pull her hand out of his again.

It was time to take a break. Sitting down on a tree stump, unpacking their food. They started eating.

"Do you think Hurley's okay?" she asked, trying to meet his eyes.

He looked over at her, "I sure hope so. I got a feeling this doesn't have anything to do with him?"

She seemed surprised and didn't really understand what he meant, "What do you mean?"

"Hell, freckles, there's beds, a fridge and pantry full with food, washer, dryer, showers ... the only thing missing is a change of clothes. But I bet if we keep looking we'll find that too."

"What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is that I think we got set up. Ben kept saying you and I should try to work things out ... and I guess he thought this would be a good way of gettin' 'round to that."

She stood up, dropping her food in the process, "So you're saying that they left us here so we can make up?" She was clearly angry now, grabbing her pack, swung it over her shoulder and started to march off.

He got up too and ran after her, yanking her arm to spin her around. "Hey, don't get all pissy with me now, ain't my fault Sweetheart. I'm stuck here just like you."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right. Poor little you got stuck on a deserted island with me. And this was all Ben's idea and you had nothing to do with it. Do you really think I'm that stupid Sawyer? Do you really think I'm going to believe that?" She pulled her arm out of his hand and turned around to walk away again.

He waved his arms in the air in defense, "Whoa, now hold on a minute here. You're saying this was my plan?"

She turned around, "Yes, I do think this was your plan. This was just another one of your cons."

"Another con? A con for what? What could I possible get out of being stuck here with you?"

She folded her arms, giving him her version of the evil eye before she spoke, "Sex! Isn't it always about sex with you?"

Damn it ... he'd thought about having sex with her a hell of a lot more than trying to figure out how to get off this island ... but he wasn't about to admit it.

He stared at her dumbfounded but then answered sarcastically, "Yeah freckles, you got me. I had Ben lock you up and I told Drake to knock me out ... just so I can screw my own wife."

He turned around to walk away from her now but she yelled back at him.

"I'm not your wife anymore Sawyer. I'm your widow." And with that she stormed off.

He gave her a surprised look, but then got his pack and started walking back to where they'd come from.

After a few moments she turned to look at him. She watched him go.

Hell will freeze over before I run after him. This is all his fault. Even if he had nothing to do with this, he is the reason I came back to this hellhole in the first place.

She walked off in the other direction, not looking back a second time.

He'd reached the dock and the buildings faster then he'd thought he would ... apparently being pissed gained him speed in his strides. He went back to the main building, searching every room for anything useful. He had nothing better to do.

She'd let me know if she comes across a boat. Or wouldn't she? Hell, I wouldn't bet on it ... she seemed pretty pissed herself. Not my wife anymore? How dare she? We vowed the vows, we walked the walk. We never said 'until death do us part' ... Nooooo, we said 'as long as we both shall live'. And I'm still alive and living. So technically Mrs. Ford you are still my wife, whether you like it or not.

He found a closet full of clothes. And they just happened to be his and her size. He got so mad that he ended up throwing some things around the room. It really didn't help, but it made him feel better, at least for a moment or two.

I was right ... and she thinks I'm behind all of this. "Well Ben, you son of a bitch. Guess you're plan back fired."

He pulled out a button down shirt, and a pair of jeans. Smelling the clothes, he realized they smelled like fabric softner ... no doubt anymore that they'd been washed recently and brought here for them. He was convinced now that they'd been set up. It wasn't that stupid of an idea, he just wished he'd been let in on it.

He sighed, grabbed a towel and a pair of rolled up socks too, but left the folded stack of underwear. God knows who they'd belong to.

He stopped by the bathroom. It didn't have a shower, just a sink and toilet, but it did have a shelf with shampoo, bodywash, deodorant and such. He took what he needed and headed for the other building with the locker room.

She can run circles around this damn island thinking whatever the hell she wants to think, what do I care?

But he did care. He wondered where she was by now. 'I'm not your wife anymore Sawyer. I'm your widow.' Those words from her hurt him way more then he'd like to admit. He knew he was right in what he had done, but he also knew that she would never see it that way cause she'd never know the whole truth.

She had no idea where she was. Didn't know how big this island was, and how much further it would take to get back to the dock and the building. As she walked along, lost in her thoughts once again, rubbing and twisting her wedding ring on her hand back and forth.

She didn't regret walking away, seems like lately she's been nothing but a crying emotional mess, she didn't want to cry in front of him again. Last night and then this morning in the damn locker room had been more than enough already. And when she cried, she knew damn well she was completely and utterly helpless to him ... he could wrap her in his arms and she'd let him, just because she needed him so badly.

So no, she didn't regret walking away from him. She didn't want his pity, after all he was the reason for all the pain she was going through. And it took near to nothing nowadays to set her off into a full blown hysterical cry. Claire, Cass and Miles could attest to that.

She felt exhausted again ... all that emotional crap really got to her physically. She found a shaded spot somewhere beneath a tree and sat down in the warm sand. Diggin' in her pack she got her water and something to eat out. She slowly ate some crackers, and took some sips from the water too. Looking up and down the beach she was wondering if she should just make camp here tonight. She'd still had his lighter in her back pack, and she could gather some firewood and stay out here for the night.

She had been walking all day, and it looked like it would get dark before too long. And to be honest, she didn't want to go back to him right now. She loved him and missed him so much, that she didn't know how much more of him she could take before she'd end up sleeping with him after all. And she'd vowed she wouldn't do that again. Nothing good can come from him and her together ... well, almost nothing good. She touched her flat abdomen and sighed.

Her mind went back to a few days ago when she'd passed out in Hurley's house after she'd been trekking through the jungle early that morning to get back to the barracks. Hurley had brought her over to the Infirmary where the new island doctor had checked her out.

He'd asked her all kinds of stuff. The usual standard stuff any doctor wants to know when examining you. How old are you? Do you take any medications, any vitamins? Any chronic conditions? Any past surgeries? Past pregnancies? But then came the question of all questions. Something so simple and so standard, she'd heard it a million times and yet she had no answer for it.

Flashback

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?"

What did he just say? She didn't know the answer to that. Her head fell back onto the pillow behind her.

"Mrs. LaFleur? When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" He asked again holding the clipboard in his left hand, a pen in the other, ready to write her answer down.

She looked up at him, with tears welling up in her eyes and shaking her head, "I don't know."

The doctor seemed surprised, he handed her a box of tissues and ask the obvious "Uhm, well, could it be that you are pregnant Mrs. LaFleur?"

She wiped her eyes and nose with a tissue and sat up straight. "I was on birth control and ... I don't think I could be pregnant." She looked up at the doctor.

He sat down on the bed beside her to be more at her eye level and he spoke with a soft comforting voice, "This island ... well, how should I put this, if you have gotten pregnant on"

She interrupted him before he said anything else, "No, that's not possible, I haven't had sex since I got here."

"You're sure."

"Yes, of course I'm sure, I'd remember if I had sex."

Who does this doc thinks he is? She knows what he's thinking. Are you sure Mrs. LaFleur that you haven't had sex with your gorgeous, breathtaking, muscle-ripped husband since you got here? Six feet tall good looking head of security, with his trademark dimples, pearl-white teeth, suntanned skin ... all the females around here swoon over him. Are you sure Mrs. LaFleur that you haven't had sex with him yet?

I wish Hurley had never told the doc that I was 'LaFleurs' wife to begin with. That name alone infuriated her beyond believe.

He stood back up, looking awkward at the paper on his clipboard, "I'm sorry Mrs. LaFleur, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just the island."

She swung her legs off of the bed and sat up straight, when she interrupted him before he could say another word "I know all about this island and what happens to pregnant women. Mr. Reyes and I are very close. But besides, I've only been here a week. It's impossible that I've gotten pregnant since I got here, my husband and I are separated at the time."

The doctor raised his eyebrows, "Oh, I see."

"No, you don't see." Her eyes downcast.

"Mrs. LaFleur, let me reassure you that whatever you say within these four walls doesn't leave these four walls. Patient doctor confidentiality. I'm sure you're familiar with that. So if you're worried about your husband finding out about your condition." He cleared his throat, "Uhm, you said yourself, you're separated, and as far as I know he's here to stay. So if you're moving on and are having a baby with someone else, then that's absolutely your business. And your business alone. All I need to know is about the medical aspect of it all. So please feel confident in speaking freely, nothing you say here will leave this room."

She wiped another tear away, before she spoke up, "I had cancer. I few months ago I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. They gave me about 6 month to live and that's when I decided to get back on birth control pills. Anyways, when my husband left to come here, I got news from my doctor that my cancer had gone into complete remission, it was just gone. And that in spite of the fact that I refused chemo therapy and radiation ... it went into remission anyways. My doctor gave me a clean bill of health. But I haven't been with anyone since my husband left me." Tears spilling over and running down her cheeks. This cannot be happening to me. Now that he left me? Now I might be pregnant.

The doctor was clearly speechless, he didn't know what to say to that bold confession. "How about we just do an examination, and see where that leads us."

After the doctor had checked her out, listened to her lungs and heart and checked her ears and mouth. He'd taken her temperature, took her heartrate etc. and of course checked out her head wound that she'd gotten when she fell.

After attending to her head wound, which wasn't bad at all, he walked over to the cabinet and retrieved a small brown bottle and handed it to Kate. "These are homeopathic, so even if you are pregnant they will not harm the baby. You seem to be in good health, nothing stands out. Take 2-4 drops right on your tongue, that will help with stabilizing your blood pressure. Take it every morning, and if it doesn't help, then come and see me again. Are you sure you don't want to take a pregnancy test while you're here, Mrs. LaFleur?"

She nodded, holding the little brown plastic bottle in her hand, "Yeah, I'm sure. I'll wait until I'm back in L.A., I'm only here for a few more weeks anyways."

She slid of the bed, "Thank you doctor."

"That's what I'm here for. And like I said, any discomfort or anything else you wanna discuss or are concerned with, come and see me. My door is always open." He smiled sympathetically as he led her out of the Infirmary.

Hurley was waiting outside, "Dude, are you okay?"

She smiled at Hurley, "Yeah, I'm fine. Low blood pressure, that's all." She held up the bottle, "Gotta take this in the morning, and I should be better."

Hurley looked relieved, "Good, 'cause Sawyer's gonna freak out if it was something serious. He wasn't happy that I let you go out in the jungle on your own."

She smiled at Hurley as they started walking back to his house, "I'm no longer Sawyer's concern ... he lost that right when he decided to walk out on me."

Hurley frowned at her remark, "Dude, I know you don't understand it, but I swear he had no choice in the matter really. He did what he had to do."

She rolled her eyes at Hurley again, "Yeah, I know, everybody keeps saying that, but nobody seems to know why he had to do what he had to do ... so until someone can explain that to me, I'm not gonna believe it."

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	23. Chapter 23 Letters

She had gathered some wood and had started a fire a couple of hours ago, before it got dark. Sitting there, trying to keep warm by the fire. She wondered what James was up to. It would be so much easier if she didn't love him so damn much ... so much easier to hate him, that's for sure.

The sun had disappeared hours ago, and it seemed like the wind had picked up too. She was shivering despite the heat radiating from the fire in front of her. She was tired ... and hungry too. She'd eaten everything she'd packed. After all she hadn't really expected to be gone all day.

To keep her mind off of the hunger and cold, she started digging through her pack and got a folded piece of paper out. She unfolded it and moved closer to the fire so that she could read it again. It was the letter she'd found on Sawyer's Laptop. The one she knew was meant for her 'cause it started out with 'Freckles'. She'd printed it out and read it about a million times by now ... knew every word by now but still wanted the light of the fire so she could read it again instead of just reciting it.

'Freckles,

I had big plans for our future. Said I'd give you the whole world somehow. I tried making good on that promise. But I thought I'd be so much further by now.

Some people think I'm a loser, 'cause I seldom get things right. But you make me feel like a winner every time you wrap your arms around me. And that's all that really matters to me Freckles. The only thing that matters is YOU.

So please tell me you will remember that no matter how much I do wrong, that I had the best of intentions when I married you. I gave you a ring and I promised you things I always thought we'd do.

But my best-laid plans slipped right through my hands to show my love for you. But if you could read my heart, then you'd know without exception that it was all with the best of intentions.

So here I am asking forgiveness and praying that you'll understand. Don't think I take you for granted. Girl, I know just how lucky I am. And even though you deserve so much better you won't find devotion more true, 'cause I've had the best of intentions loving you.'

She sighed, wiped a tear away and folded the letter back up to stick it back in her back pack when his voice startled her as he yelled out "What the hell is wrong with you woman?"

She closed the zipper on her pack and looked up at him innocently "What?"

He stopped right in front of her, looking down at her as he rolled his eyes at her for a change and his face grew angry, "Don't 'what' me sugarpop. Get up?" Waving his hand in an upward motion to suggest her to get off the ground.

She frowned at him, "I don't wanna get up, I'm fine right here." Who is he to tell me to get up?

"Well, I don't give a damn what you're fine with 'cause I ain't fine with it, so get up now." With that he grabbed her by her upper arm and yanked her off the sandy beach.

Instinctively she pulled out of his grip, "Hey, I said I'm fine. What the hell is your problem anyways?"

"My problem is you sweet cheeks. How the hell am I supposed to get any sleep while you wander around this damn island in the dark by yourself, huh?" He looked at her as if he really expected an answer to that question.

She took a step back to put a few feet between them as she folded her arms in front of her. "I don't care if or how you sleep without me. You should have thought of that before you walked away."

"Well freckles, I care about my sleep ... I'm getting too old for this shit." He grabbed her by the arm again to yank her towards him.

She struggled against him, "Let go of me Sawyer. I don't wanna go with you."

He let go of her but seemed even more pissed then when he first arrived, "God damnit freckles, do you have to make everythin' so fuckin' difficult. It's freezin' out here, and it's obvious you're cold. Can't we just spare the whole drama about you pretendin' not wanting to come back and get on with it?"

She just looked at him for a moment, contemplating her options before she spoke, "I made me a fire, and I'm too tired to walk anywhere. I made camp here and I'm stayin' here." She stood her ground, with her eyes focused on him and her lips pushed out in a pout ... challenging him.

He sighed in annoyance, then just reached down and picked her back pack off the ground. Turned around, and was just about to grab the torch he'd brought when she tried to jump him, "Give me that."

He yanked the back pack up over his head out of her reach as she'd tried to snatch it out of his hands, holding her at arm length with his other hand, "Whoa, easy girl, wouldn't wanna exhaust yourself anymore now, would we? Since ya' too tired to walk another 15 minutes back to the dock and all." He growled back at her with an mischievous grin on his face.

God, he could be such an ass sometimes.

She thought about it for a minute but then just went for it. She tackled him, and just like she'd thought he hadn't anticipated that ... after all it had been 4 years since the last time. Straddling him, she reached over him to get the pack that was now lying on the ground right above his head. But right as she reached over him, he grabbed her wrists and turned them both over, giving him the not only the upper hand but the upper position as well.

His face hovering just inches above hers, he smiled and grinned as he looked down at her. She should 've been mad, but instead that's when she realized how good he smelled, like cologne and something else. That something else was just him ... his natural smell, intoxicating ... she imagined if testosterone had a smell to it, this must be it. Oh, and it smelled soooo inviting.

And then she noticed the clothes. He had clean clothes on. No longer wearing that ugly dharma jumpsuit that she hated so much. She hated it 'cause every time she saw him wear it it made her think of him with Juliet. She struggled against him just for show, but it had crossed her mind to just give up and kiss him already. She'd missed him. But then he opened his mouth and spoke and just like that the thought was erased from her mind ... for a moment anyway.

"Hell Freckles, didn't think you were still up to your old tricks. I'm waiting for a head butt to come my way right about now ... thought when we got married we were past the beaten each other up part."

"I ain't beaten you up Sawyer. I just want my pack. So let go of me." She hissed back at him. She wouldn't head butt him anymore ... hadn't even crossed her mind until he'd mentioned it to her. But she bucked her hips against him in an attempt to shrug him off of her ... or maybe she just wanted to buck her hips against him? It made her body tingle all over ... damnit, he's the only man that could make her think about sex while he was pinning her to the ground so helplessly.

He held both her hands down over her head with just his right hand, pressing his left hand now down on her hips in an attempt to stop her movement. She was completely helpless against his strength and his bodyweight pinning her to the sandy ground.

She looked helpless too, which seemed unlike her. In most helpless situations she'd still put on a brave face and save the self pity for later, but she was different now. They were all different now. But regardless how different she was, she'd still get his heart rate up every damn time they'd find themselves in this old but familiar position. Come to think of it, if they didn't have any clothes on this wouldn't seem as such an old position anymore ... nope, this was a very familiar position they'd find themselves naked in over and over again during their marriage and 3 years prior to it.

Staring in each others eyes he finally was able to manage a response despite the fact that his jeans were growing tighter by the millisecond. And due to their compromising position he knew she could feel it too.

"Look sweetheart. Just stop with the fussin' and come back with me." His voice soft and inviting, but still his breath on her was heavy and hot.

She could feel his grip around her wrists loosen a bit and in response she stopped her struggling against him. "Why? Why does it matter to you where I sleep? If I hadn't come back to the island you'd have no idea where I'd be right now either."

His eyes downcast on her breasts that were spilling out from under the tank top, then he looked back up to meet her eyes. "I know that, but you ain't in LA gorgeous, you're here with me. And while you're here I worry 'bout cha' ... and FYI I worry 'bout cha no matter where you are."

She wanted him, and she could tell and feel that he wanted her too. But where would that lead ... he wouldn't come back to LA with her and she couldn't stay. She had to stay alone at this beach tonight or she'd sleep with him. It was as sure as the sun coming up in the morning, she just knew it. And that would just make things even harder for her to leave in 3 weeks on that sub.

So she did what she felt she needed to do, with a sigh and a faux irritated undertone to her voice she said, "Just get the hell off of me Sawyer and leave me alone. I don't want to go back to the house with you. You're hurting me. I can't stand to be around you right now."

He was stunned for a moment. He hadn't seen that coming. He'd thought that after all this time he had her figured out enough to know when she wanted it too. And that's what he had thought when looking in her eyes just a moment ago. Disappointed he let go of her and got off of her too. He sat down and watched her sit up, reaching for her pack and move away from him, closer to the fire again.

He watched her as she was very obviously trying really hard not to look at him. She'd closed up again, her heart, her body, her entire demeanor towards him was cold ... he knew he'd fucked up in her eyes. He knew what she must be thinking of him ... hell, he can't even blame her. If the tables were turned he'd be furious with her too. But regardless, he'd saved her and he did still love her. It seemed with every day that passed he'd only love her more instead of less. But come to think of it, he had his share of reasons to be pissed at her too. He knew a thing or two after he had Gordy investigate his wife.

He was just about ready to give up, but then changed his mind again. "Freckles, come on. It's late, it's cold too. Aren't you hungry or thirsty? There's a cheeseburger and fries waiting for you at the kitchen. And not to forget about the warm bed with the soft pillow and blanket." His voice was soft and reassuring ... he was determined to get her back to the house, even if it meant he had to drag her. But he was willing to try it the nice way first.

She rolled her eyes at him, but everything he'd said sounded really good. She was cold and she was starving ... and the prospect of that nice warm bed was really testing her willpower. Not to forget his nice warm body right next to her in that bed.

"No, I don't want too. I told you to just leave me alone. Just leave. Go and have your burger and leave me alone so I can go to sleep." Her voice was anything but soft. It was cold and calculated ... every word spoken with clarity.

Alright, that was it. He'd had enough. He got up so fast that it startled her, but still left her unprepared for his assault. He yanked her up in one swift motion, and just swung her over his left shoulder. Her butt up in the air, he held onto her legs so she wouldn't fall.

She was kicking her legs against his tight grip and punching his backside with her fists, "You son of a bitch, let me down. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm takin' ya' home freckles." He gave her a hearty spank with his right hand and chuckled victoriously, "Tried reasonin' with you, but you're so god damn stubborn ... as always."

She stopped kicking her feet, when she found herself helpless due to the position she was in. "That ain't home, and this ain't how you treat a woman, let alone your own wife." She was yelling at him then started wiggling around on his shoulders again.

Her wiggling didn't even seem to face him as he kicked sand onto the fire to extinguish it. Then with ease he bend down and picked up the torch stuck in the ground with his right hand, so he could still see where he was going. "Ohhhh." He said mocking, "Now you're my wife again, huh?"

She was pleading with him now, "Please James, let me down."

He chuckled again, "Somethin' tells me you ain't gonna behave if I let you down now, so sorry sugarpops. No can't do." He started marching off, sand kicking up from his boots in her curly tresses hanging down behind him.

She bend her neck upward, trying to see behind them and yelled out, "Hey, you forgot my back pack. Stop."

"Nope I didn't." He said and kept on walking.

She got annoyed now, it was dark and she could barely see, but she knew what she saw before he'd kept on walking. "Ahhh, yeah, you did. I saw it lying over there in the sand."

"I left it, I didn't forget it though. Can't carry you, the torch and the pack ... something's gotta give, and since you ain't given in. I'm sure it will still be here in the morning."

She huffed in disgust and started hitting his back again. It had even occurred to her to reach between his legs and give little sawyer a good yank, but then she'd dismissed the idea again. Didn't really wanna hurt him there ... too big of an asset.

Then she realized something. How could she have missed the gun sticking out of his denims in the back. And just like that she'd reached for it, and had it. To her surprise, he didn't even flinch when he'd felt her take the gun off of him.

"I have your gun." She stated as if he hadn't noticed.

"So?" he kept on walking.

She was dumbfounded, "So I could shoot you with it." Not a shred of confidence in her voice, and she knew she sounded ridiculous.

He let out a loud laugh as if she had just said the funniest thing and said, "You ain't gonna shoot me, Belle Starr and we both know it. And besides, I'm doin' you a favor, you said you were too tired to walk back, so I'm carrying you."

She bit her lip trying her best not to smile, but it didn't work. At least he couldn't see it. She smiled but that didn't change the fact that she was mad ... hell, she should be mad, but he was right. She'd never shoot him ... ever!

"You know there are nicer ways to carry a lady!"

With a big grin on his face he said, "A lady, huh? Well, if you see one, let me know and I'll be sure to carry her in a nicer way bootylicious." He turned his head towards her ass on his shoulder and kissed her hip.

She had to come up with something else, and it had to be quick. Cause one she didn't wanna leave, and two she didn't wanna leave her pack with his letter and her fake passport by the beach.

She stopped hitting him and tried turning on the charm again, "James, please. That pack has my passport in it. If it comes up missing, then I'll have trouble getting back home without being caught."

That stopped him dead in his tracks, then he hissed, "Damn it freckles."

"What?" She asked as if she didn't know what he meant.

"If I let you down will you stop being such a drama queen, get your pack and then come back with me?"

"Fine." She huffed annoyed, but in reality she'd hoped he'd say that.

He bend down and stuck the torch back in the sand. Then pulled on her legs, grabbing her ass in the process and swinging her to the front of him, catching her in his arms in the process. She did not look happy. No, she looked pissed as she got out of his arms and both of them marched back towards where she'd made camp to retrieve her back pack.

He held the torch and watched her swing her pack over her shoulder, then she turned around to face him. And bam. She hit the sand.

He yelled "Freckles?" then ran to her, threw the torch in the sand quickly and rolled her to her back. "Freckles? Are you alright baby?" No answer. She was out cold. He brushed the sand and curls out of her face. Cupping her cheek gently.

He checked her pulse, it seemed fine. She was breathing fine too, but she was definitely unconscious.

"Freckles, wake up! Come on baby, open your eyes." Nothing.

She was breathing fine, but he cursed himself, thinking he'd probably caused this. After all he had just held her upside down over his shoulder, all that blood rushing to her head ... no wonder she'd gotten dizzy.

He took her back pack and put it on, then picked the gun up of the floor that she'd dropped and put it back in the back of his pants. He took the torch and threw it in the water, then scooped her up carefully in his arms. Her head resting against his shoulder, he carried her home. He could only see what the moonlight let him, but he knew he'd eventually end up at the dock as long as he followed the shoreline. And from the dock it wasn't far to the house which was well lit outside now that the power was back on.

After just a few moments walking with her in his arms she woke up. Her eyes blinking, then she met his blue eyes in the moonlight. "Hey." He said.

"What happened?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I gotcha baby." He said responding to her tight grip around his neck. "You passed out again."

"Oh." She said nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. He smelled so good.

He loved it, and was relieved that she seemed okay, "Didn't have to pull a stunt like that though. All you had to say was please."

She lifted her head and looked at him in confusion, "Please? Please what?" questioning him.

"All you had to say was 'Please James carry me like a lady.'" He grinned at her.

She rolled her eyes, rested her head against him again and said, "Yeah, right. Like that would have worked."

"Guess you'll never know." He replied quickly, still smiling.

She smiled too but was sure to hide her face in his embrace so he wouldn't see it.

"I think you can let me down now, I can walk." She looked at him again.

"I gotcha, we're almost there anyways."

She looked around surprised, "Was I really that close?"

"Yup, you were really that close ... this island ain't that big freckles." He stated as if she didn't know that herself.

"I know Sawyer, this isn't my first time over here. Just let me down, please."

He stopped and looked at her, "Are you gonna behave?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"Sawyer." She huffed annoyed, and he just smiled and carefully let her down to stand on her own two feet.

"Thanks."

He grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and led the way. The dock was already in sight, so he decided to walk straight for the jungle, knowing they'd eventually see the outside lights of the buildings.

Thanks to the moonlight they were able to see where they were going. At least for the most part.

Minutes after entering the jungle, James heard a noise behind them, stopped and spun his head around. And there he was, he could see him but he couldn't believe it.

It was Jack.

Maybe it was just instinct or maybe it was old feelings of not wanting to lose her that made him grip her hand even tighter the very second he saw Jack's eyes meet his.

Wondering why he'd stopped, Kate looked up at Sawyer and saw that look of confusion on his face, then turned around and looked behind her, then back at Sawyer. "What is it? What did you see?"

James' eyes fell on Kate's curious expression, then he looked back at Jack. Jack just stood there, watching them. And then he was gone just as quickly as he had appeared.

"Nuttin' hon', let's just keep movin', we're almost there." He was freaked out to say the least, and when Kate had turned around to look, he thought she'd make a run for the doc ... but she didn't even see him.

Hell, maybe he's just imagining things? Maybe it's just 'cause he's so god damn tired, and he has all these emotions starting to get to him. It was a hell of a lot easier to deal with losing her when she wasn't around.

Being mad at the world and putting the fear of god in those new recruits ... yup, that's what his days had consisted of after he'd come back, but now ... hell, she was here and he knew they'd never be the same again. He loved her so much, and yet she'd never feel that way again. She'd never know that he did all of this for her. That he loved her so much, even if it meant to let her go just to save her life.

Everything he'd done was like a metaphoric jump off the helicopter again ... just to save her.

He knew she didn't understand it. And he knew she probably had a million more questions as to why and how and reasons that can't be discussed. But she wasn't alone, there were questions he had too, and he knew he'd probably never get to ask her. Like why she didn't tell him about the cancer. Why'd she keep it all a secret from him, and apparently everyone. He couldn't imagine Claire or Miles not telling him if they'd known. Cassidy on the other hand, Kate and her were so close ... she wouldn't have said anything, she would've kept Kate's secret.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. And the angrier he got, his strides increased and he felt himself pulling her along, ... she had a hard time keeping up.

But he had to let it go. It's pointless, she did what she did, and he'd done what he'd done. What's done is done.

Ain't gonna get mad at her with Jack on our tails. I ain't givin' the good old doc that pleasure.

They finally made it to the building. Walking along the chain link fence and into the building, all the lights were still on. He slowed down and she caught up enough to walk shoulder to shoulder with him. She squeezed his hand, and he looked down at her as they headed for the kitchen. She smiled up at him, and he smiled back.

"I love you." He said looking down into her eyes.

Feelings overwhelmed her in seconds, and she said, "I love you too" quickly. But then let go of his hand, and walked ahead of him, wiping the tears away as quickly as they'd come so he wouldn't see them.

Nothin' else was said. She sat down at the kitchen table and he put the plate down in front of her, so she could eat. He also poured her a glass of soda, and sat down across from her, watching her eat.

He showed her the closet full of clothes for them, and even though she was very tired she felt the need to get cleaned up and change into something clean. She grabbed whatever she needed and both of them left and headed for the building with the showers instead.

Walking along the well worn path between the two buildings, he couldn't help the feeling that they were being watched. Or maybe that he was being watched by none other than Jack. Although that was just impossible, and he knew it. Hurley had told him that they'd buried Jack at their old beach camp with the others that had died. That was another reason why they'd convinced Kate to go camp out at Bernards and Roses old set up instead of the beach camp. She shouldn't find a cross by the beach that had the name Jack carved out of it. At least not while she's upset and alone.

They reached the locker room and Sawyer flipped all the lights on for her. He found himself a bench right by the lockers and sat down.

Grinning up at her he said, "Holler if you need me girl."

"I'm sure I can manage on my own." She said looking back at him as she headed for the showers.

He cocked his head to the side and grinned from ear to ear when he said, "There's lots of places that are hard to reach."

She ignored it and just marched on in, disappearing behind the wall. He heard the water turn on immediately. The only thing he could see was her head, as she pulled her shirt off and eventually all of her clothes were hanging over the wall that separated him from her.

He turned around frustrated, trying to take his mind of the fact that she was just a few feet away from him. Naked and soaking wet, probably covered in soapy bubbles by now. But also to keep an eye on the door for the remote possibility Jack would show up.

He knew one thing that would take his mind of this. Pulling the folded up envelope from his front shirt pocket, he unfolded it and started reading it.

"James,

Look at the two of you dancing that way. Lost in the moment and each others face. So much in love you're alone in this place, like there's nobody else in the world. I was enough for her not long ago.  
>I was her number one, she told me so herself and she still means the world to me just so you know. So be careful when you hold my girl. Time changes everything. Life must go on and I'm not gonna stand in your way. But I still wonder how that beautiful woman with you."<p>

She startled him before he could finish the letter, "Oh god Sawyer." She sounded annoyed with him.

He folded the letter up fast and put it away, "What?" He didn't know what he'd done wrong this time.

She just stood there with nothing but a towel wrapped around her, hands in her hair, trying to put her wet curls up in a bun and she said, "Please tell that is not the same letter."

"What same letter?" he stood up. Wondering if that towel might fall.

"That paper you just put away so fast, tell me that ain't the letter you wrote to the real Sawyer. Tell me you're not still carrying that around with you everywhere."

He pulled the letter back out of his pocket, "This?" She nodded.

He chuckled a little and put it back in the pocket, "No Lollipop, it ain't that letter to Sawyer. That letter's long gone."

She looked relieved but then asked the obvious, "Well, what is it then?"

Shit, he didn't wanna show her that letter, "Nuttin', go put some clothes on so we can go to bed girl. I'd like to catch some zs before the sun comes up."

"Fine. But I told you at the kitchen you didn't have to come here with me." She grabbed her clean clothes.

"Yeah, but that would take the whole fun out of the torture." He said

"What torture?" She raised her eyebrows at him

"You naked and soapy right behind that wall. Wouldn't quite have the same torturous effect if I was all the way at the other building." He said grinning at her and licking his lips a little.

She just rolled her eyes at him, and walked around the corner so he wouldn't see her get dressed.

After a few minutes of silence he heard her say, "It's a love letter isn't it?"

He stood there shaking his head, "How could it be, you never wrote me one freckles."

She poked her head around the corner to meet his eyes and with a big smile on her face she said, "Not from me, from one of those new recruits."

He chuckled again, "Yeah, you got me, that's what it is."

"I saw the way they look at you, you know?"

"Honey, ain't nobody looking at me. I'm forty years old, they're all in their twenties ... I could be their dad for god's sake ... young and attractive father." He added the last part after he heard no response from her from around the corner.

Then he heard her giggle, "You would have had to get started pretty young to be their dad, and regardless, you're still hot, even with forty ... or maybe it's because you're forty."

"Who said I didn't start young?"

She came around the corner, fully dressed with the towel wrapped around her hair now, "How young?"

"Too young. You ready freckles?" he quickly changed the subject as he looked her up and down, undressing her again with his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

He reached for her hand and she gave it to him, walking out of the building and ready to cuddle up and call it a night.

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><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	24. Chapter 24 Can they ever leave the past

Both of them standing side by side in the small bathroom while brushing their teeth. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest just from the mere thought of going to bed in a few minutes ... with him.

What the hell is wrong with me? He staged his own death to get back to this hellhole without me knowing and all I can think about is that he apparently wasn't wearing anything underneath those jeans.

She'd noticed that when she'd pulled the gun out of the back of his pants.

God, I'm so pathetic. But he's the first man that I've been with that I've really ... I mean really enjoyed having sex with.

When she'd been with Tom, Wayne beating up her mom down the road was always in the back of her mind. With Kevin she had lied about everything, being caught at any given second didn't leave her thoughts while she was with him. With Jason ... well, she'd only slept with him to convince him to rob a bank with her. And then Jack ... with him it was just to convince him she cared about him as much as he cared about her. It definitely wasn't that enjoyable. Either way, Sawyer was the only one with whom she'd felt completely being herself with.

She spat in the sink and splashed water over her face, then cleaned the sink and her toothbrush before she stuck the toothbrush it in a cup by the sink. Toothbrush, toothpaste, clothes, food ... everything! They were set up to be stuck here for quite a while.

Fear crept in. What if I don't make it back in time for the sub? I have to go back, or people with notice that I'm gone. Her probation officer would only stay off her back for so long before he'd get suspicious.

Not to forget that she missed Aaron like crazy. She wondered for a moment if she'd feel different about Aaron should she really end up with a baby of her own. She dismissed that possibility as fast as it had entered her mind.

She'd been too scared to think about being pregnant right now. It would just be one more thing being added to the endless list of things she had to worry about. She'd wanted a baby with him so badly ... wished for it to happen before she'd gotten sick. She was better ... healthy. But now? She was scared to find out. Although she wondered if that would change his mind about it all. Would he come back to LA if he knew? She frowned. Would she want him back if that was the only reason why? If her alone wanting him back wasn't reason enough?

Sawyer noticed the worried look on her face as he rinsed his toothbrush off too and put it in the cup next to hers.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout Freckles?"

His voice startled her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him, watching him dry his face with the towel she'd just handed him mindlessly, "What if I don't get back to the other island in time to catch that sub?"

He wanted to frown at the thought of her leaving again, but he didn't "I've been thinkin' 'bout that sugar. I found an axe and I think I'm gonna build us a raft."

She raised her eyebrows at him, and smiled, "You're gonna build us a raft?" Sarcasm dripping from every word.

He smiled, "Golly, don't bother to hide your lack of confidence in me."

She smiled, "No, I didn't mean it like that ... it's just, that's a lot of work."

"Good thing I got you to do all the heavy liftin' Xena." He smirked as he turned the light off in the bathroom and placed a hand on her lower back to ease her out into the hallway and towards the room with the beds ... guess they could call it the bedroom.

Her skin tingled under his touch and it took all she had to concentrate on his words instead of his fingers that still lingered on the small of her back as they walked down the hallway. The tip of his fingers slightly digging into her side. It felt like little jolts of electricity running through her.

"I ain't looking to build a raft like Michael, just big enough to get the two of us to the other island ... shouldn't be that hard."

She nodded at him, although all she heard was 'shouldn't be that hard' ... she was officially the most pathetic woman on earth for wanting him so much after everything he'd done. She just had to concentrate on that, concentrate on what he'd done to her to build up enough anger to not fall for his charms once they'd made it to the bedroom.

He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on one of the other beds in the room, then he unbuttoned his jeans and dropped them.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked.

He was completely naked, and just like always, he wasn't the least bit shy about it. Never had been. Her mind flashed back to the first time she'd seen him naked, coming out of the ocean ... and to this day, he still looked as good as he had back then. Hell, he might even looked better if that's even possible. And from the smug grin on his face he knew it too, when he saw her do a double take. Her eyes scanning him down and up again, ... twice.

"Goin' to bed, watcha think I'm doing?" He didn't smile anymore, like this was normal behavior. Which I guess it was for him, come to think of it.

"You're naked!" She said looking at him, trying really hard to not let her eyes wander down his glistening tanned body for a third time.

"What's your point peaches?"

Peaches? What's my point? He's out of his mind! Has to be.

She turned around completely to be face to face with him, "What's my point James? We're not together anymore, so why are you naked?"

"We always sleep naked!" True! They always had at home ... back when they were happily married!

She was speechless for a moment, looking around the room that had more than one bed.

Ha, two can play that game. I felt his erection back that the beach pressing onto me, he wants me just as much as I want him ... ohhhh, it's on cowboy! You want to turn this into a battle of willpower. You got it!

"Fine, suit yourself." She pulled her shirt over her head, then unbuttoned the jeans she'd just put on at the locker room. Leaving both items in a pile on the floor. He watched her in anticipation standing there with nothing but her bra and panties on. Waiting for her to climb in the bed they'd shared the night before.

She looked his way, "Good night James." And to his disappointment climbed in one of the other empty beds. Covering herself up with the sheet, she wiggled around underneath it to reveal her panty and her bra, throwing them to the ground with her shirt and jeans.

He chuckled as he walked towards the door to turn off the light, "Sayid had nothing on you when it comes to torture freckles."

She buried her face in her pillow smiling sheepishly, before answering him, "You started it!"

She heard the mattress and bed squeak as he settled in the other bed just a few feet away from hers.

The room was dark, but with the lights on outside of the buildings there was a little light coming in through the window. Enough for her to watch him get comfortable, lay spread out on his back with the white scratchy sheet hovering very low on his hips ... very low ... low enough to reveal some curly dark blond hair. She sighed, before she turned around to look the other way, offering him nothing to look at but her bare shoulders, since the rest of her body was wrapped up in the sheet.

She had to just forget about him, they are done. They are over! What he'd done was unforgivable!

Not true!

She'd take him back if he'd say that it was a mistake, and that he was sorry, and if he'd said he wants to come home ... but he wasn't saying any of those things. He chose to be here and he chose the island. He said he loved her, but I guess sometimes love just isn't enough. Because this was his destiny, and he had to stay! He didn't show any remorse for what he'd done!

Trying really hard to think of anything that would kill the tingle and heat spreading through her body like a wildfire, she started to think about Ben. That did the trick.

She started to think about what Ben had said when she was looking through his office with him on that night they'd gotten left behind, "Kate, I honestly believe that you would forgive him would you know the truth."

"Then why don't you tell me the truth Ben?"

"I can't Kate, we've been over this. But I can tell you one thing." She remembered meeting Bens eyes anticipating something worthwhile from his lips. "I can tell you that the answers to your questions are right in front of you. You just have to look at them."

Ben was a conniving son of a bitch ... when it came to lying Sawyer had nothing on Ben. It crossed her mind more than once that he was only playing mind games with her again. But what if he wasn't? What if for the first time in a long time he was telling the truth about something, and he was actually trying to help her figure out this stupid mystery of what Sawyer's reasons had been?

She sighed as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling that was filled with spiderwebs. What if Ben was trying to tell her something, 'the answers to your questions are right in front of you' ... that sentence echoed in her mind, over and over again. Right in front of me? Did he mean that the reasons Sawyer left were here on Hydra Island? Or did he mean it more literal? She closed her eyes again.

He had his eyes closed, trying really hard not to think about her taunting nakedness in the other bed. It would be so easy ... so easy to just walk over there, turn on the charm and see where that goes. He knew where she liked to be touched, knew where she'd liked to be kissed ... hell, he knew every inch of that body like the back of his hand. He had his lips and tongue all over that body just a few weeks ago.

Had kissed the scar on her left shoulder that he felt was his fault. He hadn't picked her to go down in that sub with the first group, cause he figured there were guys with guns on the sub, since there were none on the deck. Had he just taken her with him, she'd have never gotten shot.

He opened his eyes and looked over at her. Lying flat on her back, clenching at the sheet as if she was afraid he might take it away from her. He wondered to himself how someone so close can be so out of reach. He cleared his throat with a fake cough to see if she'd move or open her eyes. But she didn't. Wondering what was going through her pretty little head over there. Was she thinking about him like he was thinking about her?

Unprepared for it, he watched her jump out of bed ... naked. Then she remembered and grabbed the sheet to cover herself. He smiled at the sight of her.

"What's going on?" he said as he sat up in bed, watching her pull on her panties without revealing to much of her naked body to him ... although he'd seen it all just a second ago. The image burned into his brain.

"Nothing James, go back to sleep." She stuttered as she walked over to the other bed and grabbed his shirt, turned her back towards him as she dropped the sheet completely when she pulled his shirt on and started buttoning it. It was long enough to cover her buttocks completely, which was the intended purpose.

"Like my shirt that much, sugar?" he grinned as he watched her close the buttons on it.

"Yeah." She said not buying into his game of teasing ... she had an agenda now that couldn't wait another minute.

Barefoot and wearing nothing but her black silky panties and his shirt she pulled the door open and marched out into the hallway, flipping all the lights back on along the way.

"Hey, where are you going?" he jumped out of bed and pulled on his jeans, not bothering closing the belt as he basically ran after her. He made it out into the hallway just in time to catch a glimpse of her disappear into Ben's old office.

When he'd made it down the hall, he watched her from the doorframe, as she stood in the middle of the room, scanning it with her eyes as if she was looking for something.

She looked sexy as hell, barefoot in his shirt ... reminded him of home, their home. She'd walk around the house just like this all the time. God he missed her so much.

She was obviously looking for something, "Need help finding something freckles?"

She looked at him surprised, as if she hadn't noticed him standing there. She didn't know if she should trust him. What if he didn't want her to know why he came back? If she told him what Ben said, would he try to sabotage her effort?

"I can't sleep, and ..." She paused trying to think of a logical reason why she was about to ransack Ben's abandoned office. "I'm kinda curious about what the others all were up to when they'd held us in the cages ... aren't you?"

The cages! They'd passed them a few times since they'd gotten here, but ignored them like they were the plaque!

He was curious, but then again, he wasn't. It was late, he was tired and what's the point after all this time, "It's late freckles, lets just go back to bed." One bed preferably ... he'd even leave his pants on for her. The irony in that thought struck him like a bucket full of water. At home she couldn't wait to get his pants off of him. At home! Such a foreign concept now.

She had to get rid of him and this was her chance, she looked at him with the sweetest look she could muster, "I can't sleep Sawyer. Why don't you go and get some sleep while I try to satisfy my curiosity." Her voice was low and sugarcoated, she wondered if he could read right through her act.

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in her tone of voice. He tried to fight it but a yawn escaped his mouth, which made her smile.

"Alright freckles, knock yourself out." He said and too tired to even think he took a step towards her, leaned in, closed his eyes and kissed her good night. Like he had done countless times at home. It was quick and sweet and over before she even knew what hit ... or kissed ... her!

When the realization came of what had just happened she looked up at him with her green eyes wide open and fixated on his.

"Sorry." He muttered, but he couldn't fight the smirk that spread across his face, "Force of habit." Then he grabbed his letter sticking out of the front pocket of his shirt. The shirt she was wearing. His knuckles carelessly running over her breast in the process set her whole body on fire again. But before she could get her brain to function again to form an appropriate response, he turned on his heel and marched out of the office. Leaving her standing there in Bens office ... barefoot in his shirt and tingly all over again.

She sighed loudly and mumbled under her breath, "Hating him is more exhausting then loosening rocks for the others."

She looked around the room, trying to recall where she stood when Ben said 'right in front of you'. Replaying those moments in her head, she walked over to a large file cabinet ... that has to be it. She opened the first drawer from the bottom and started rifling through the papers that were neatly separated into thick manila folders. Organized alphabetically and separated by little taps, her eyes immediately fell onto the one that stood out.

It stood out to her because it read 'Katherine Anne Austen'.

Her hand was shaking as she reached for it, and she turned around to make sure Sawyer hadn't quietly reappeared. She slit down the wall to the floor, the underside of her thighs cold against the floor, but she was too fixated on the thick folder to even notice.

She opened the flap and started reading. She was baffled; they had copies of everything on her, from her birth certificate to her first dental visit to a picture and name of her first boyfriend ... everything!

Her entire life up until boarding flight 815. Including all the horrible things that she'd done while on the run. Even the circumstances of Tom's death. Which was the one thing that devastated her the most!

They had information about her whereabouts while she had been on the run. Which motel she'd stayed at, and which name she'd used ... how could they know all these things, that she never told a soul?

Of course also how she killed her father, but she wasn't sorry about that. Given the chance or choice, she'd do it again ... but this time she wouldn't tell her mother that she did it.

She got up to sit in the old chair behind the desk to read her file more comfortably when Sawyer startled her, "Hey."

Out of instinct or for whatever reason she did something really stupid. Immediately when she heard his voice she hid the folder that contained every aspect of her sorry excuse of a life behind her back. Like Aaron would do it, when she'd caught with something he wasn't supposed to have.

She felt ridiculous ... gosh, she must have looked ridiculous. If she'd just acted normal when he'd said 'Hey', he probably wouldn't have even blinked, but this reaction from her got a reaction from him. She could see it in his eyes, now he was looking to satisfy his curiosity as he slowly walked towards her.

"Found something freckles?"

She avoided his stare and walked over to the desk, file no longer in hiding but clenching it to her chest instead.

"You could say that." She sniped back at him already in defense mode, ready to battle him for her file.

He came to stop in front of her holding out his hand, "Can I see? What is it?"

She looks up in his eyes, still clenching the file. It's like he can read her ... knows what she's thinking. Hell, maybe he can read her mind after all. She wants to mend things, wants to get back to how they were ... they were so in love, sooo crazy in love. Trust? He doesn't really deserve it. But then again, she's got nothing left to lose ... she'd already lost Aaron and him.

Reluctantly she hands the file to him. There are things in that file she didn't want Sawyer to know. Things she was ashamed of ... 'cause truth be told, she wasn't that different from him. More than on one occasion had she used sex to get her way ... she'd used sex to con people. Well, one person ... just Jason. And even though it hadn't been for money but for him to do her bidding. Sawyer had never seen that side of her ... and she wasn't sure she wanted him to read about it!

He turned the folder sideways, so he could read the tap.

"Katherine Anne Austen" he read out loud. She could hear how intrigued he was by the sound of his voice. Then he lowered his eyes to hers, "What does it say?"

Pointless to deny it, all he had to do was read it, "Everything." She huffed looking up at him with innocent eyes. "Everything somewhat important from the time I was born until the plane crash."

His eyes staring at the name tap as if it would change once he took his eyes off of it. He swallowed, wondering ... hell, dying to know what all it said about his wife. His wife! But then again this folder wasn't about his wife at all. It was about a person long gone.

Her palms got sweaty when she saw him open the front flap. The first thing he saw was a copy of her birth certificate. He'd seen it before. They had to have it to get married. To her surprise he didn't look any further. Instead he closed it again and put it down on the desk. "Where did you find it?"

"Over there." She pointed to the file cabinet behind them. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Honestly she was very surprised that he didn't seem to be all that interested in her file.

He turned around and started digging through the second drawer that was labeled 'F-K' but found nothing. He went to the drawer that represented the letter S for Sawyer, still nothing.

She had watched from the desk as he shut the drawer empty handed, "Guess they didn't keep a file on you."

He turned around, "I know they did, I guess Locke just never gave it back."

"Locke? What are you talking about? Why would Locke have your file?"

He half leaned, half sat on the desk and looked over at her, "Hell, what the hell do I know? I just know that they'd given it to Locke to read." He rubbed his palms over his eyes. "Why'd you hide it from me when I walked in?"

Shit, she knew he would ask that. They were so messed up already, their life, their friendship, their marriage ... how much more could they both take? She sighed, then the truth came out faster then she could regret it, "I'm not a good person Sawyer. You don't know half the things I did."

He looked shocked at her confession. He was used to having to pry things out of her, things from her past that is. But then a smile formed on his face. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it but barely touching her skin with his lips.

"Honey, no way in hell you've done worse than me. And besides, you ain't that person anymore anyhow. Kate Austen's long gone. You're Kate Ford now, remember?" he winked at her.

She just nodded in disbelieve at how sweet he was right this moment in comparison to earlier tonight when he dragged her off the beach. Confirming her theory again about some sort of 'split personality' ... but who was she to judge him as she glanced at her file on the desk.

"So, have you read it all?" He asked.

"No, I was just about to when you came back in."

He grabbed her hand again, grabbed the folder and pulled her out of the room with him, but she protested, "What are you doing?"

He looked down at her walking beside him now, "Cancha read it in the bedroom, while I go to sleep?"

Her eyes meeting his, "I guess I could."

"Alrighty then, I'll even keep my pants on for ya'" he said with a smirk and a wink.

Settling in one bed together. She was sitting up, and he lay down beside her, the sheet pulled over his face 'cause the light was on. Nuzzling his nose into her side, which wasn't really avoidable since it was a twin size bed. She started to read through her file, when she eventually notices his breathing had become even and calm ... he was fast asleep, with one arm slung loosely over her thighs.

She carefully shimmied her way out of his embrace and tiptoed out the door again. Sinking down to the floor further down the hall, she started crying.

Crying for Tom. Crying for Tom's wife who had been left without a husband. Crying for his son, who had no longer a dad. And all because she wouldn't stop running. She cried all the tears she'd held in for so long ... trying to forget what she'd done!

About one hour later, she finally turned off the lights and climbed back in bed and into his warm embrace. He grunted in his sleep when she tangled her legs with his and nuzzled her nose in his chest. She might have even kissed his chest in the process, but would deny it should he mention it to her in the morning.

This will have to end, she thought. She can't keep doing this to herself. He chose to leave, and tomorrow she'd tell him that they are over. He must realize they are over, doesn't he? He left! He walked out on her, no matter what his reasons were ... It's over. She had to draw a line, because if she didn't then she'd only get hurt even more in the process ... she was sure of it. She didn't have much hope in figuring out why he did what he did. But that didn't mean she'd stop trying.

But she had to draw a line. Tell him point blank that she was tired of these games. She'd tell him that she is leaving on that sub and ask him one last time if he would come back home with her.

She wondered again about the baby. As long as she didn't know for sure she wasn't technically lying to him, or was she? Should she tell him that she might be pregnant? How would he react? Was there anything to gain from him knowing? Wouldn't it just make both of them more miserable about the daunting prospect of never raising this child together? But what if he would consider coming home with her if he knew?

She remembered Sun, and how she didn't want to tell Jin at first about her pregnancy. She hadn't known the circumstances that made Sun not wanting to tell her husband. Her mind went back to that conversation with Sun and Jack at the beach.

Sun had said, "Please, Jack. This is private, nobody can know."

"You're not going to tell Jin?" She had been so surprised about Sun's reaction. Didn't every married woman wanna have babies?

Sun looked at Kate, "In time I will, it's just - it's complicated."

Then she remembered what Jack said, and so much of his little speech to Sun could fit perfectly into her scenario with Sawyer right now. "As complicated as Jin being the last one on the Island to find out you spoke English? Sun, my advice - and it's just that because I'm the last person to ask about this, but - you should tell him. And when you do you should tell him everything - the whole truth."

The whole truth! Kate swallowed hard at that prospect of having to tell Sawyer the whole truth. Cassidy had known everything, and had also tried to talk her out of it. People who are dying should spend every last minute with the once they loved. Not run away to spare them pain. The pain is necessary to move on, isn't it? She didn't wanna hear any of it. Nothing Cass could say to change her mind. She knew what she wanted and what she would have done, had her cancer not vanished into thin air.

The whole truth! Telling him everything? That was a very scary thought, she could just imagine how he would react. He would probably yell and scream at her. But then again, she wasn't dying anymore, ... wouldn't he look past it and just be happy that she was healthy now? And besides, who is he to yell and scream at her for something she might've done, in comparison to what he had actually done?

Tomorrow would be a day of revelations, she decided. If given the opportunity, she'd tell him everything. Tomorrow their fate would be decided, ... it was a scary thought that their fate was solely in Sawyer's hands now.

Consumed by her own thoughts, she was restless for a little while longer. Eventually her aching body gave in and she fell asleep. Both of them sleeping soundly in each others arms for the second night in a row ... but probably the last time!

Flashback to Sawyer's meeting with Gordy

He was sitting nervously at the bar by himself, he was dressed up and had ordered some fancy drink instead of a beer just to fit in with the crowd. Kate was out with Cass shopping somewhere, the perfect opportunity for him to get this over with. It wasn't easy lying to Kate, but he just had to know what was going on. Maybe Gordy was right about the whole Karma thing. Hell, maybe Frank Duckett was right ... It'll come back around! He's been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kate and him so happy, so in love ... hell the most unlikely people to get married, gotten married ... to each other. Out of their own free will and not because someone's got knocked up. Something's gotta give and he's just waiting to hear the bad news and move on with it. Will he ever be able to leave his past behind, or did he invite all those demons back in the moment he'd made that phone call to Gordy?

Gordy slapped him on the shoulder and startled him out of his thoughts, "Hey man, let's find a table so we can talk in private."

Sawyer looked over his shoulder, "You've got what I asked for?"

Gordy ignored the question and pointed towards an empty table, "Let's go sit down."

He didn't know what to make of that look on Gordys face. He wasn't gloating ... Sawyer was unsure whether that was a good or bad thing.

Settled at the table, Gordy got a folder out and opened it, looking through the pages.

"Well, I found out all kinds of interesting things about you wife from when she was on the run."

Sawyer huffed annoyed, "I don't care about that, what I wanna know is what she's doing at the hospital. What did you find out about that?"

Gordy frowned but then skipped over several pages and went almost completely to the back of the file, then frowned again when he said, "She's dying."

The words hit Sawyer like a brick. "What did you say?" Quickly reaching across the table and pulling the file out of Gordy's hand. His eyes scanning the papers in front of him, some of it doctor mumbo-jumbo, some of it spelled out clearly.

Cancer.

Inoperable.

Terminal.

Patient refuses Chemo therapy.

Patient refuses radiation treatment.

As he's looking through the papers, his thoughts are interrupted again by Gordy when he said, "You really love that broad?"

Sawyer looked up and met his eyes. If looks could kill Gordy would've dropped dead on the spot.

How dare he question how I feel about her.

But then he realized that Gordy had no way of knowing how he felt. So he just nodded, and focused his eyes back on the paper.

"Well, in that case, I'm really sorry man." Waiting a few moments to let the words settle, he continued, trying to explain some of what the papers apparently said, "So, they're saying it's terminal, and from what I found out, that is the reason why she's refusing treatment. You know the chemo and that."

Sawyer looked up for a brief moment, just to acknowledge that he was listening, then Gordy went on to say, "Apparently that radiation and chemo messes you up pretty badly, and it would only buy her a couple month at the most ... so she's decided against it. Doesn't wanna spend what little time she's got left in a damn hospital bed hooked up to shit, you know."

Gordy paused again letting Sawyer read over the pages and pages of information, then he said, "And if you go on to the last couple pages, looks to me like she wasn't going to tell you anything about it."

Sawyer immediately did as being told and skipped to the very back of that file, holding up a picture out of the file to his friend, he asked, "What is this place?"

"That my friend is the place your wife chose to hide out at."

"Hide out? I don't ..."

Gordy interrupted him, "She's a pretty smart lady that wife you've got there, she's got it all figured out. This is a private hospice kinda place. Once she gets too sick to hide her illness from you, she was planning to leave. And hide out at that place until ... well, you know." Gordy frowned not wanting to say it again. Until she died.

Sawyer just shook his head to himself. He was dumbfounded. He could have handled hearing about an affair. Hell, after reading this he'd wish she was only cheating on him with some doctor somewhere. He could have beat the shit out of some fancy pants doc! But this? What was he supposed to do with this?

He can't be mad at her for dying, can he?

Sawyer closed the folder and practically jumped out of his chair, "I'll deposit your money this afternoon." And he was just about to walk away when Gordy stopped him.

"That's not all?"

Sawyer turned back around, and Gordy motioned for him to sit back down before he spoke again, "Look, I feel for you man, that's why I picked this place, cause her doctor is a frequent guest here on her days off."

"And?" Sawyer waved his hands in the air. It took everything he had to keep his emotions in check. Denial was his best option at the moment. This has to be just some crazy ass nightmare that he'll wake up from any moment.

"And I thought maybe you could talk to her. You know, use your charm ... I mean she knows who you are. Hell, these days everyone knows who you are."

"Talk to her about what Gordy? Terminal means just that." His voice was loud and mean, but due to the commotion of other guests talking and the music, nobody even bothered turning their head in his direction.

Gordy let out a sigh then said, "Maybe you can tell her that you know, and that you want her to talk to your wife again. That you want her to convince your wife to try the chemo and what not. That will buy you two a little more time together ... well, anyway, that's what I thought."

Sawyer put the file down, and rubbed his sweaty hands over his white slacks, "What she look like?"

Gordy nodded towards the buffet table, "Let's go over there, and get a bite to eat. You can see her from there."

Sawyer didn't feel like eating, let alone talking to some lady doctor ... but he agreed. They got up and stood around the buffet table, when Gordy pointed her out to him.

She was probably the prettiest lady doctor he'd ever seen. Scratch that. Second prettiest doctor. Long reddish curly strands, pale skin but very pretty. Sawyer put his sunglasses back on and walked over there.

She was sitting alone, obviously waiting for a date. With a charming smile and sweet-talking tongue he'd ended up in the seat next to her within seconds after approaching her.

Kate is dying. She's leaving me. That's all he could think of when he forced that fake smile on his face ... that she was dying and he has to do this for her. Do this for them. Happily ever after - at least for a couple extra months. First they talked about the weather, about what a nice and sunny day this was. The conversation went from one unimportant subject to another, ... and he would have continued with the act just to build up the courage to say what he had to say. 'Cause once he spoke to this doctor about Kate, it became real. His life shattering reality. Once he would start that conversation, there would be no turning back anymore. He'd have to actually acknowledge that Kate was really dying because a doctor had said so, 'cause after all Gordy could be wrong. But his little bubble of denial busted when the pretty lady had enough of his obvious act.

"Mr. Ford, I know who you are and obviously you know who I am. And I'm very sorry if you thought coming here and seeking me out would do you any good. I am truly sorry, but I cannot discuss anything with you."

Sawyer swallowed hard before he spoke, "Fine, let's just cut all the crap then, shall we? I need to know why she refuses the chemo, and how much time it would give us if she'd give it a try?" There it was, point blank. He felt like the clock was ticking away from them, and he didn't have another minute to spare without Kate.

She looked sympathetic enough, for a brief moment anyways, then she said, "I cannot discuss anything with you. I'm sorry Mr. Ford, but you're going to have to talk to you wife."

She wasn't denying anything either. Hadn't said 'I don't know what you're talking about' ... she just completely took the 'I can't talk to you'-route, which surprised him and frustrated him all the same.

"You know damn well that my wife doesn't want me to know about any of this, so what am I supposed to do? You're a doctor, so didn't you take some oath? What's that called again? Hippocratic oath, isn't it? Doesn't it say that you have to help people if you can? So how can you just let her refuse treatment? What kinda doctor are you?" his voice got angrier with every word, while his eyes got misty. Hell, he didn't even care what anyone would think if they saw him crying.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He was fuming now. "That's all you've got to say?" he got up and turned to walk away when she reached for him. He glanced at her as she was nodding towards the chair. He sat back down.

She sighed then spoke with a soft voice, "I won't ... or can't say anything" Her eyes downcast, then she looked up again, "But speaking in general ..." she gave him a look and he understood that she was talking about Kate. "Well, ... in general there wouldn't be anything or any real time gained by chemo or radiation treatment. It would just make what little time was left unbearable. So many patients in general refuse treatment when faced with those statistics Mr. Ford." She paused as she watched the words sink in. "But like I said, you have to talk to your wife. Because I can't even disclose whether or not your wife is my patient. You do understand?"

He nodded, and said "Thank you" before he got up and walked away.

Gordy had already taken off and he got in his car and just sat there in disbelieve. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall back against the headrest. This is just a dream ... it has to be. After everything they've been through on that damn island. After everything they've survived, this is going to be the end?

He put the key in the ignition and headed for home, due to traffic it would take him at least one hour ... one hour he didn't want to spend without her.

Her car was already in the garage, when he pulled into the spot beside her. He sat there for a minute, not quite sure how to handle this. He was mad. Yeah, mad would be the word he'd choose if he had to sum it all up into one word! But she's dying! Should he waste another minute arguing with her? He wanted to confront her about it. How dare she decide all of this without him? Didn't he have any say in any of it? Wasn't it supposed to be for better or worse? In sickness and in health? She had decide on her own to just up and leave should her disease become impossible to hide. She was just gonna run away from him and die all by herself in some high class hospice some where?

He glanced to the passenger side and took the manila folder, then shoved it underneath the passenger seat. Out of sight. He checked his appearance in the mirror. Making sure he didn't look like he had cried. Then he looked at his clothes. She'd probably wonder why he was all dressed up ... he was too tired and emotionally exhausted to even try to come up with an adequate lie. He'd wing it, she might not even ask at all.

Right in that moment the door to the garage opened and there she was, smiling at him. Barefoot in a pair of blue jeans and a tank top, her hair falling loosely over her shoulders. He'd never imagined that a dying woman could look this sexy!

He swung the car door open and flashed his most charming smile, "Hey there gorgeous, thought you were shopping with Cass?"

She smiled back at him as she watched him walk towards her, "I was, but then I missed you so I left early."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, he picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist in the process. He kissed her slowly and passionately while caring her up the stairs.

She broke from the kiss, "Where are you takin' me?" She asked innocently, like she didn't know what was on his mind.

"That's a surprise gorgeous."

Reaching their bedroom, he slowly lowered her down onto the bed. Hovering over her, his face grew serious and she noticed it.

"Is everything okay James?"

His hand disappeared in her curls as he pulled her close for another intoxicating kiss. "Everything's okay Freckles. I just love you so much."

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><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	25. Chapter 25 Not too bad yourself Cowboy

**Author's Notes:**

I know this chapter is very short but I just thought I post it anyways, I'm working on the next one already, which will be longer again ... promise!

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><p>He didn't remember what exactly woke him up, but he was wide awake. Afraid to move even an inch, mostly out of fear to awake her and this treasured moment to go away again.<p>

He was lying on his side facing her. She was on her side too, facing him. Her face nuzzling into his chest, her one arm somewhere underneath her and her other arm around his waist hugging him so tightly ... he wondered if she might be having a bad dream because it felt like she was holding on for dear life. But he didn't mind the tight embrace, he welcomed it.

Their legs intertwined ... he wished he wasn't wearing jeans after all. His jeans separating their lower bodies and his shirt on her separating skin on skin above. But her face pressed against his chest ... so close. If it wasn't for her hot breath on his chest, he'd swear she wasn't breathing ... she had no room to breathe.

His arms around her tightly too ... taking advantage of the situation. His one arm somehow underneath her, providing a probably uncomfortable pillow for her while wrapping all the way around her waist at the same time. His other hand cupping her ass. Mere inches away from where his fingers would like to go explore underneath her black panties. He dared to nuzzle his nose into her curls and take a deep breath. His chest rising against her face and body, but not waking her ... thank god. Her hair smelled like flowers ... like the shampoo she'd used. His heart was beating so fast ... she had to feel it. She had to hear it. Hell, he could hear it!

He could feel her hand and her fingers spread out and pressed flat against his back, pulling him to her like he was a pillow or some object to console her in her sleep. He could feel her chest rising with every breath too. His eyes glanced over to the pile of clothes on the floor. Her bra on top stood out like glowing star in the darkness ... but it wasn't dark anymore. He wondered for a second what time it was since it was already light out. But that thought passed as fast as it had appeared. Naked images of her consumed his mind when he closed his eyes. And when he opened his eyes again the sight in front of him didn't ease his rapid pulse ... it only seemed to increase it.

The sheet was gone, he wondered if it might be on the floor somewhere or if it could somehow have ended up underneath them instead, but regardless. It was gone. He couldn't take his eyes of her legs wrapped up around his.

Naked, sexy, toned legs pressing against him and wrapped around him. The black panties in full view and burning the palm of his hand.

What would she do if he started kissing her? If he'd slowly started kissing her? Working his way down her neck? What would she do if he let his hands wander where they're itching to go? What would she do if he'd start unbutton his pants or her shirt ...well his shirt on her? What would she do if he'd tease her nipples with his tongue?

He was hard as a rock ... throbbing from the heat between them.

Either act on it or start thinking about baseball.

He didn't know what time it was, but he knew it was already hot outside. It had to be, because the sun beating down on the windows made the room scorching hot. The air in the room was humid ... or maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him ... maybe it was just him who was burning up.

Ahhh to hell with it. What's the worst that could happen? She could turn me down? ... I'll get over it!

He cupped her ass even harder, his fingers diggin' into her skin. He held her waist even closer, when he pushed himself onto her, rolling her onto her back in the process. Pulling his arm out from under her to support himself above her. She was slowly waking up, but before she even had a chance to open her eyes, his lips were crushing down on hers. And having done this 'dance' a million times before in their marital bed in LA she responded the only way she knew how. She kissed him back.

Lips parted and tongues started playing with each other. Not fast or hurried. Slow and sensual, appreciating every second of the moment. He grunted at the thought where this all might lead. Hoping she wouldn't come to her senses and start a fight instead. He knew how crazy this was ... she should be mad at him. If she came to her senses and punched him right now, he'd definitely deserve it!

His other hand still cupping her butt cheek. His fingers slowly working their way to the front and underneath her panty line. She opened her legs a little, which he took as an invite to further explore. When his fingers reached their desired destination, he was surprised how moist she already was. He groaned again and she moaned into his mouth at the sensation of his hand between her legs. He opened his eyes for a brief moment and for some odd reason she sensed it and did too. Both of them breathing fast and frantic, like teenagers who couldn't wait any longer. Her eyes locked with his and he could see the desire in her eyes. She wanted this too, no doubt about it. And his perception of the look in her eyes got confirmed when she worked her hands between them and slowly yet forcefully let her palm follow the length of his erection. He moaned into her mouth now, kissing her even more intensely, but still slowly.

She started to undo his jeans. Her fingers frantically working the buttons on the jeans. He felt the diamond from her wedding ring scrape his skin, but he didn't care. It turned him on knowing she was still wearing the ring he'd given her ... hell, it had to mean something, right? Never in a million years would he have thought that being married would be something he'd care about. But the mere fact that Kate was his wife - his wife - turned him on! And he was her husband ... oddly enough that was an unexpected turn on he'd discovered on their honeymoon.

She was gorgeous, and he'd known it all along. He remembered while on their honeymoon watching her walking down the beach a good 15 or 20 feet ahead of him. They'd had a little too much to drink that day and while goofing around on the sandy shore he'd tickled her and she'd ran off to get away long enough to catch her breath. Then he'd noticed some guy checking her out. Then the guy noticed the rock on her finger, and Sawyer remembered smiling proudly and meeting the guys eyes. Yup, she's taken ... SHE'S MINE!

All mine, he thought being brought back out of his thoughts when her small hands were trying to get his pants off. It was all just a blur, between kisses and moans. Her lifting her bottom, so he could get her panties off easier. He kneeled between her legs, as he pulled her to a sitting position to pull his shirt off over her head ... neither of them had enough patience to unbutton it. His jeans hit the floor last. Kissing her again, she lowered her head back down into the pillow. As she opened her legs all the way to make room for him, he reached down to guide himself in, when she broke away from the kiss and spoke up for the first time.

"James?" Her voice raspy and filled with desire for him. "Be gentle please."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, "'Course. Whatever you want Freckles."

And with that he slowly trusted into her. Filling her as far as the position of her thighs allowed him. She let out a loud moan, as he slowly retreated from her followed by another excruciating slow trust. She wanted it gentle. Whatever she wants ... she can have. But it wasn't easy for him. He wanted to go faster, he wanted to go deeper ... hell, he wanted to be a little rough with her. Usually she liked that, but she'd asked for gentle, and he wasn't gonna screw this up ... he'd be as gentle as possible until she told him otherwise.

Moving slowly in and out of her for what seemed like forever. Even though the pace was very slow, he could feel beats of sweat rolling down his back. She met his slow trusts and was perspiring too. Kissing her closed eyelids, he could taste the salt on her skin. She was unbearably beautiful. He liked literature, but poetry was never really his thing ... but right this moment he swore she's so beautiful it hurt to look at her! Hell, if that wasn't poetry, he didn't know what was. Her breathing increased and she spread her thighs even further, allowing him to go deeper and filling her up to the brim, when a whimper escaped her lips.

He could feel her tighten around him, her body stiffening, her breathing fast, heavy and hot on his skin, as he pushed her over the edge. Feeling her body convulsing under him, he enjoyed prolonging the feeling by still slowly trusting into her. He whispered in her ear, knowing the effects these words have on her, "I love you Freckles ... forever."

She gasped for air when she slowly came down from the high he'd just given her. After a few more minutes of more love making and slow intoxicating kisses, she came again ... this time he did too! She opened her eyes, looking up at him and locking eyes with his, feeling his release. "I love you too," she said completely out of breath, both her hands flat on his chest. He kissed her again before he slowly pulled out of her, to lie on his side next to her.

Both of them looking like they'd just stepped out of the ocean ... glossy and shiny. But it wasn't salty ocean water, it was pearls of sweat that was dripping from his hair. She ran her hand through his hair, pushing the wet strands out of his face and smiled with amusement at his disheveled state. Although she didn't look too different with curly strands sticking to her skin.

Despite the fact that they'd went slow, his chest was heaving up and down trying to catch his breath. Hers was too, but not as much as his. He smirked down at her, tenderly caressing her bare chest with his fingertips, when he noticed the beats of sweat that had formed a tiny pool inside her belly button.

"It's hot in here." He said, still panting. She just nodded in agreement. He bend down and kissed one of her nipples, making her squirm when his lips touched her. She giggled out loud. Leaning on his right side, he cupped her cheek with his hand, "Damn, you're beautiful."

She looked away. She was never comfortable taking compliments like that. She rolled over on her left side to face him and kissed the tip of his nose, then his cheek, then one eyelid after the other and eventually his lips, before she said, "You're not too bad yourself Cowboy."

The ice was broken ... god he wished they actually had ice right now, it was so hot, ... it felt like a sauna in here.

"Wanna take a dip in the ocean freckles?"

"Okay."

He got up and helped her climb out of the bed. Enjoying the sight of her naked state. The mattress was damp from their love making and the entire room smelled like sex.

She put on her panty and bra. He had a hard time getting into his jeans with his skin still damp from their roll in the sheets. She was just putting one foot into her jeans when he said, "Freckles, it's such a hot day today, and the air is heavy and sultry. I don't think you'll need a lot of clothes."

She looked at him as if he was crazy for suggesting she go in her bra and panty, "What if they come back?"

"I doubt they are, but it ain't showin' no more than a bikini would, sweetheart. I think you'll be alright."

She looked herself up and down and nodded, "Yeah, you're probably right."

They agreed that they needed to air out the room, so they pulled both metal doors open and propped something in the way to get the doors to stay ajar.

Walking outside together, hand in hand again ... she had decided to tell him the truth today. But then again ... she didn't want to spoil this bliss they'd found just now.

The truth would have to wait just a little bit longer.

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><p><strong><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!**


	26. Chapter 26 Tigers don't change their

Here they were, sitting on the sandy beach, letting the cool ocean water wash over them with every wave. On a whim deciding to actually go all the way in and to go for a swim together. Which was quite the task in the waves, but cooling and refreshing and not to forget lots of fun.

He dunked her a few times, she dunked him in return ... like old times. Memories of waterfalls, backyard pools in L.A. and not to forget their honeymoon came flooding back to both of them. And for a moment in time they seem to have forgotten where they were, and why they were here. Forgetting about it all, long enough to find themselves once again in each others arms on the sandy shore. Kissing and touching and the temperature rising again within them.

He crawled over her, smiling mischievously down at her. From the look in his eyes and the smirk on his lips, she knew he was up to no good.

"What's that smirk for?" Innocently looking up at him, like she didn't have clue.

"Oh, I think you know Freckles."

He bend down and kissed her neck seductively, while lowering his body onto hers. It tasted like salty ocean water, but he didn't care ... he savored it. In the back of his mind he knew none of this meant a god damn thing ... none of this mattered. She's leaving again soon and he ain't ever going back to LA. But right this moment as his lips sucked on the spot where he'd just seen the blood under her skin pulsating, he didn't give a damn. He'd take as much as he could get. Love her every minute of the day if she'd let him. Making enough memories to last him a life time, or however long of a life this rock had planned for him.

She bit her lip at the sensation that his lips on her skin caused, and against her better judgment a 'hmmm' escaped her throat. That tingling feeling rising in her stomach again ... she didn't know why everyone always referred to it as 'butterflies' ... this wasn't butterflies, this was too intense to be produced by such a delicate insect.

He placed kisses along her jaw line until he finally reached her lips. Her lips parted as if on command and let his tongue enter. Their tongues seductively playing with each other, the kiss went from sweet and slow to needy and hurried within minutes. Starting that aching for each other in all the right places again. Or wrong places, depending how you'd look at it.

Both her hands disappearing in his hair, pulling him in for this kiss ... this kiss she didn't want to end ... ever. He didn't fight it either, he could never get enough of her in every which way.

There was no such thing as too many kisses, or kissing for too long ... or too much sex for that matter.

No such thing as too in love or too much longing for one another.

No such thing as too much time spend together or too much touching.

When it came to him and his freckles, there was no such thing as enough ... or too much!

He broke from the kiss and slowly worked his way down to her chest. Pushing the bra straps down her arms to reveal her bare chest, he slowly kissed his way to her nipples. Giving both of them equal amounts of his attention, alternating between his tongue and lips and his left hand fingers. Smirking up at her as he watched her gasp for air at the sensation. Her eyes closed, her hands still in his hair, she let the sensation of his lips and caresses wash over her.

Enjoying it, while the waves spilling sand onto both their feet and calves. Although his were covered by his jeans still. Which were heavy now and soaked in water and sand. The heat his body was radiating in stark contrast to the cool ocean water crashing down on them in a rhythmical motion.

His hands reaching underneath her in an attempt to unhook her bra, she stopped him. "What are you doing?"

He cocked his head to the side grinning from ear to ear, "I give you 3 guesses shortcake."

She looked up and down the beach, the sun high in the sky, "Here?" As much as her body tingled all over, and the heat and ache for him grew more and more between her thighs, she wasn't sure about this.

"Why not here?" He was obviously surprised at her rejection of the idea, but in an attempt to change her mind proceeded to kiss her neck again.

Distracted for a fraction of a second she let out a moan. He was good at this. Could so easily distract her with those soft lips and warm hands of his. Letting him proceed with the kisses, she tried to gather her thoughts and spoke up again. Well, more like stuttered, "W-what if ... if they come back? ... Mmmmmmmm" Another moan escaped as he kissed along her earlobe, breathing in her ear seductively ... making her shiver in the process.

Without losing any rhythm in his kisses, his voice whispering low and seductively in her ear, "What if they don't?"

By now he'd managed to get the bra unhooked tossing it nonchalantly above her head, so it wouldn't get caught by the waves and dragged out to sea. Right in that moment, she came to the realization that he'd succeeded, she raised her head and they accidentally head butted each other.

"Son of a bitch." He rubbed his forehead, his eyes closed.

She rubbed hers, her eyes shut tight as if that would help with the pain, but she didn't cuss, instead she muttered "Sorry."

He opened his eyes glancing down at her, "So that wasn't on purpose cause I got the bra off?"

She opened her eyes and looked up at him dumbfounded, shaking her head slightly, "No, of course not."

Smiling again, with that up to no good look in his eyes, "Well, in that case." He cocked his head to the side again. "Why don't you show me just how sorry you are Freckles, 'cause that hurt like a bitch."

Before she could respond his lips were on hers again, as he rolled them both over so she'd be on top instead.

She didn't fight it, at first. His hands gliding up and down the round of her buttocks. The wet fabric not making it a smooth move. As he grabbed it with his big manly hands, she just loved it, but would never tell him.

The sand in all the wrong places was somehow intriguing, bringing back memories of makeshift shelters on the beach somewhere. Late night visits ... sand in all the wrong places, but who cared? But when his fingers started their way under her panties, stretching at her waistband in an attempt to wiggle them off, she broke from the kiss. Bracing herself up on her hands that were left and right of his head and looked down at him, her bare chest pressed against his "I don't know about this Sawyer?"

The spell was broken, the look in her eyes did it. He smiled slightly up at her and kissed the tip of her nose, "What are you so worried about? We're all alone hon'." His voice grew higher, in an almost annoyed kind of way, "We've done it on this very island in a bear cage for god's sake. With the possibility of Picket or Tom or god-knows-who to show up any second, and that didn't stop you or us. So what's this really 'bout? 'Cause it damn sure ain't about them coming back?"

She couldn't look at him, instead she scooted down enough to rest her head on his chest, "I don't know." Her voice so quite, he almost didn't hear her over the waves gushing in the background.

He sighed, his chest rising up and down, then wrapped his arms around her bare back and held on tight, lifting his head for a brief second to kiss the top of her head. "Talk to me." It sounded more like a plea then a command. His voice surprisingly soft considering the rejection he'd just been handed by her. How far they'd come after all ... all grown up. Not all the time, but more and more with time.

Silence filled the air around them, as he waited for any kind of response from her.

How did he know her so well? How did he know she had something to tell him? Is this what love is all about? Knowing and sensing the other persons feelings? Finally she craned her neck, looking up at him. He folded his hands under his head to be able to look at her when she said, "I don't even know where to start?"

Fear had replaced that look of desire in her eyes, but fear of what? Fear of him? He didn't understand what had just transpired between them that got her scared.

"The beginning would be a good place to start?" He smiled sweetly to lighten the mood a little, hoping silently that it would work.

She gave him a half hearted smile, then pushed herself up to a sitting position beside him. Suddenly feeling very exposed, crossing her arms over her chest. He picked up on it and without saying anything just handed her the bra and then sat down beside her.

He pretended to be very interested in the waves just long enough to give her enough privacy to put the bra back on. The both of them sat there staring out at the ocean. Water still reaching their feet. He wrapped one arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"We're all fucked up, aren't we?"

He was a little surprised to hear her cuss like that, she barely ever used the f-word ... well, with the exception of the bedroom. She'd use it there sometimes, but still, he was surprised to hear her speak like that. It was very unlike her to talk like that, but come to think of it, a lot of the way she'd acted lately seemed 'unlike' her.

He looked down at her, lifting her chin with his hand to make her look at him. Shaking his head in denial, "Nah, we're not all fucked up, maybe just a little."

She smiled slightly, he did too, then she straightened out her back, "There's something I have to tell you, and I really don't know how to start?" She looked up at him again for a brief moment.

As he sat there with his knees bend, and his arms slung carelessly around them, he picked up a seashell, and started rubbing it mindlessly, but didn't say anything. He suspected she's about to tell him that they are over ... not like he didn't know that already. He figured that much when he lit that damn cabin on fire. He swallowed hard, as he looked down at the seashell in his hand. It wasn't a pretty one, broken, rough around the edges, not the kind Aaron would take home with him and put in his 'treasure' collection ... broken, kinda like them, he thought. Maybe we are all fucked up after all!

Her eyes focused on the ocean and waves in front of them, not daring to look at him anymore.

She pretty much mimicked his position - except for the seashell in hand, he looked just as lost as she was.

There was a good five minutes of silence. Neither of them spoke, or moved or even so much as coughed ... the longest five minutes ever spend, he thought.

She was so scared to tell him, but she'd vowed to herself she would. Sleeping with him this morning wasn't supposed to happen. She cursed herself for letting it get that far ... that's why she had to stop it before it went too far again here on the beach.

She knew it was easy enough to just pretend they weren't failing miserably at this relationship stuff by just having sex. They never seem to have any issues there, mostly because Sawyer was almost like a different person between the sheets. Very nice, sweet and giving if he wanted to be. Listening to every wish, or reading every wish in her eyes. He seemed to know just what she wanted, knew just when to be playful and when not to be. He seemed to sense her mood and her need for intimacy instead of just the act itself. In the bedroom, he was perfect ... no doubt about it. Perfect for her anyways.

Their relationship would last forever if they were able to communicate solely through what happened in the bedroom ... or living room, or kitchen ... she smiled to herself at the thought of where they'd all done it in their house in L.A. Miles or Claire or anyone would never eat another bite at her house if they'd know what had all transpired in that kitchen and on their dining room table. But hey, that's what disinfectant cleaners are for. Her smile faded when she came back from her temporary daydream of them happily ever after. Her house - not their house anymore.

She sighed and then just started talking. There was no pretty way to word this. No sugarcoating any of it. And knowing Sawyer as well as she did by now, she knew he didn't like her beating around the bush. Get to the point, he'd say, so she did right away.

"I was sick." She blurted it out, not daring to look up at him. Her eyes focused on her own feet and legs covered in sand and water.

He swallowed hard, shocked that she was going there. He didn't really think he'd ever have this talk with her. Thought she'd think he died, and she'd go on living cancer free and she'd never know he'd saved her by coming back here and she'd never get to tell him. He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. He wasn't prepared for this talk ... not that he was prepared for the 'we're over' talk. Staging your own death had seemed to be the easier choice then talking to her about 'being over'.

When she realized that he wasn't going to say anything, she continued even though she was even more unsure now that he seemed really distant all of a sudden. "About 6 month or so after we got married I found out that I had cancer." She looked up at him, and finally his eyes met hers, but she couldn't read him. She couldn't tell what he was thinking.

Not wanting her to know that he knew, he played along. "What do you mean? You found out you had cancer, but didn't tell me? You knew you were sick and you didn't tell me?" He sucked at this. Used to lie for a living, but totally sucked at this. No way he can pull this one off. He didn't know how to act, or react ... the build up anger too much for him to handle. Clouding his mind to play the role of the husband who just found out. His mind working overtime, wondering how a man would react in this situation ... but failing miserably. What did it matter anyhow how he acted now?

All the anger that had been building up inside of him of how he'd found out about it all and how she'd lied started to come bubbling to the surface like hot lava. He was trying hard to stay calm, but he knew already that this conversation was probably not going to end well for either one of them today.

She knew this was bad, and she knew he'd probably be mad, but still seemed surprised that he'd already looked pissed beyond believe. And she hadn't even told him the part about her leaving him and dying by herself yet. This was definitely going worse then she'd hoped. "Yeah, I was sick and they said it was inoperable and gave me just a couple more months to live."

She tried to look at him again, but he just stared out into the ocean, pretending he didn't feel her eyes searching his for some emotion ... anything other than this.

Out of nowhere he spoke up, "Why didn't you tell me? And why are you telling me now?" He still wouldn't look at her.

"I'm telling you now, 'cause things changed and I'm not sick anymore. The cancer went away, just disappeared somehow." She shrugged her shoulders.

His question came so fast, she barely had time to take a breath, "When were you gonna tell me any of this?"

His voice so cold and she could tell how hard he was trying not to yell at her already. She could see it in his eyes, that evil glint that she really hadn't seen in a long time ... couldn't recall the last time he looked so downright evil. Then she remembered, he was holding Juliets lifeless body and looking up at Jack ... 'you did this'. The memory gave her Goosebumps all over. And how tight his jaw was all of a sudden, like he was literally biting his tongue to keep from lashing out.

"Never." She said, then added, "But that's not all. I-I ..." she stuttered, too scared to say it out loud. The whole truth. Wants to be that person. Wants to be that strong. Wants them to be that strong. Wants them to be that couple. Wants them to be like Desmond and Penny. Bernard and Rose. Cassidy and Shawn. No more lies. No more hiding behind sex. No more.

She had run away from so many things in her life, but never had to fess up to it. No one ever mattered enough to be told the truth until ... until him!

He grew impatient, "I what? Get on with it already!" No sympathy there, no patience either. His voice was harsh and gruff and mean, he wanted her to tell him. This was his chance to get answers and at the same time he didn't wanna hear any of it. But if he had to hear it. If he had to deal with this now, then at least make it quick, he thought. Let's not drag this out any longer then it has to be.

"I wasn't gonna tell you James. I planned on running, leaving before you'd ever know how sick I was." She was ashamed and sorry all the same, but it was out. This big ugly secret she'd carried around with her all this time was finally out.

He threw the seashell into the ocean so fast that it made her flinch at the sudden movement of his arm. For a moment she actually thought he'd hit her. And Wayne flashed into her mind, it was instinct. She couldn't help it. Even though deep down she knew that Sawyer would never do that.

He jumped up and just started walking away. He hadn't even noticed her flinching. He was beyond furious, but hitting her never even crossed his mind. He'd chop his own god damn arm off before he'd ever lay a hand on her like that.

She jumped up to her feet right after him, not really expecting him to walk away like this. "You're not gonna say anything." She hurried after him to try to catch up with his fast and wide strides.

He didn't answer, just kept on walking into the jungle. And at the pace he was going, he and she regretted not putting any shoes on this morning when they went out to the beach. Both their feet stinging with every fast taken step.

She was close to tears, her voice breaking now as she was pleading with him, "James please, say something. Anything!" How did she get here? How did the simple stupid words 'I do' turn her into this person, this pathetic woman running after a man that obviously was done with her.

He stopped fast, spun around and got right in her face. Her eyes grew big as his nose almost touched hers. Anger written all over his face, "Trust me Kate, you don't wanna hear what I've got to say right now. If you know what's good for you, then you'll walk your pretty little ass back to that beach and leave me the hell alone to cool off."

Kate. Only he could make her given name sound like an insult. Now she was Kate again. Hated it. Don't you call me Kate you son of a bitch.

He started walking again, picking up the pace again.

She didn't take his advice, he didn't scare her like that. He's not the kind of man that would ever hit a woman, no matter how angry. At the beach just moments ago, that was just her being that scared little girl again seeing Wayne ... not his fault. Not Sawyers fault. She'd flinch at any man's hand moving like that, not just Sawyers.

And she could handle anything he'd have to say ... anything's better then the silent treatment, isn't it? "James, I'm so sorry. I'm healthy now, I'm not sick anymore. I'd never leave you again, don't you get that? I told you the truth cause I don't want any more secrets between us. I told you the truth because I'd never do that to you again. I want tabula rasa James. I want to start over, clean slate. You forgive me and I forgive you. Come back home with me. ... Say something, please?" Blabbers it all out, with one single breath. When did she become so shameless? Shamelessly loving him?

He stopped again. Stood still, and even though she could only see his bare back, somehow she knew his chest was rising up and down frantically, and his blood was boiling. Call it instinct or that stupid love thing, but she knew how his face looked without seeing it. Knew it. And it did scare her, cause it looked hurt like hell.

Silence, she'd begged him and now there was silence. Then he spoke, without turning around. Didn't look at her when he said, "There is no starting over for us. A tiger doesn't change its stripes. You run and I con. Maybe both of us are better off if we finally come to accept who we really are and move on." His voice drained of all emotion ... unbelievably so. Not angry, not anything ... void and empty ... scary empty.

He started walking again, but she stopped. She stopped running after him, because of the tears that were now pouring down like rain. And her knees, how they were giving away. Buckling under her. There she was. Surrounded by jungle, the beach somewhere behind her, the houses somewhere ahead, but not in sight quite yet. Barefoot in her bra and panty. Crying. Her world spinning around her. The end.

Lost.

What now? Needs to get the hell of this island. Needs to find a boat or something. Needs to go home to Aaron. Needs to go home to Clem. Needs to ... nothing. No claim on Aaron or Clem. No claim on Sawyer anymore. She's got nothing left.

Wants to just fall over and die right here and now.

Wishes she'd pass out now, hit her head hard and just put an end to it all. He was the only reason left to fight. Left to hold on and dust yourself off and go on for. But now? No reason left. Death doesn't sound so bad right this moment.

Somehow she ends up on the dirty ground. Curled up and crying on the jungle floor. Wants this fucking pain to just stop. Wants her heart to stop hurting ... prays to god for her heart to stop beating.

Shoes on his feet. A shirt on his back. Axe in hand. He had time to process everything ... sort of. The blood pressure normalizing again ... thinking more clearly again. Man on a mission now. Getting started on that raft he'd promised her. Tries to imagine what the raft should look like. Tries hard to think about which tree to chop down, what the right size would have to be ... but can't think that clearly just yet.

Her ... always her on his mind.

Why the hell did I say that? What the hell is wrong with me? We're not all fucked up Freckles. I am. Just me.

He knew why. Wanting to make her hurt just because he was hurting. Saying all the wrong things just to make her feel the same pain. Like she hadn't gone through enough pain already, thinking he'd died.

Should turn back around, find her at the beach ... apologize. Hell, there's a notion that he hadn't had in a while. He's fine saying sorry to just about anyone who doesn't matter ... but why does it always seem so much harder to say when it came to the only person that did matter. He knew it didn't make any sense, but that's how he felt.

Nah, he needs to cool off more ... and she probably does too. Can just see her now sitting there at the beach. Pouting like a child at how mean he was. Same old same old ... and yet it felt different. He felt different. Time traveling would be nice right about now. Go back ... do over. Turn around, face her. Say 'I'm sorry, but I can't come home' ... say 'I love you, always have and always will, but I can't come back home' ... so much to say, but so little courage to do so! So much easier to be mad then sorry.

Wondering why she'd even want him back. Why? Didn't make sense? How did he end up being the one fuming like a volcano, when he's the one who'd left her? He's the one who staged his death and left! She had never gotten around to actually leaving him.

And come to think of it. If he hadn't known about the island's abilities to fix her. If he hadn't known what to do ... a sacrifice. Him staying here protecting this hellhole so she'd be good as new. She wouldn't have died alone anywhere. The day she'd disappear on him, he'd be speeding down the interstate ... address and picture of the damn hospice in his pocket.

Would have never let her leave, ... would've told the truth. Would have caught her. Would've told her that he knew, and he'd be there with her to the very fucking end. Would not have taken no for an answer.

Maybe find some happy pills somewhere ... the kind that don't end so happy when taken too many of. Maybe put an end to the both of them together ... like Romeo and J ... like Sawyer and Freckles, live together don't die alone! 'Cause truth be told, he can live without her, knowing she's alright somewhere. It ain't easy, but do-able. But he couldn't live without her, knowing she had died. No way ... not her! Those damn tears again, ... grown ass man, axe in hand and all ... feels like little old Karl, crying in the jungle ... 'thought you guys are supposed to be tough.'

And she's different too. God, how she's so different. How she was begging for him ... should have melted his fucking heart. And it did, but at the same time it didn't. The wounds still too fresh, the hurt still too real ... that picture of that fucking hospice, her hide out, burned into the back of his mind. But then that god damn nagging feeling comes back again ... the one that always comes back when something just doesn't seem quite right. She's different cause the doc ain't here to fall back on. Would have never stood there begging him, if the doc was still an option. He doesn't know that to be a fact, but in his mind it always is just that. A fact. Love doesn't conquer all.

It'll be alright. He'll think of something to make it all right. He can fix it. He will fix it. He has to fix it.

Mad at himself now more than he was at her, he starts chopping down the first tree. Doesn't know if it's the right size. Doesn't really care. Can't think mathematics now ... can't think of anything but her.

Wipping tears away furiously now, stomping through the jungle.

She just had her meltdown back there. All cried out now. Done. Done the moment she remembered. Can't be wishing for death when she got something to live for after all.

But I'll be damned if I tell him now. I'll leave this place, and he'll never know about this baby. If there is a baby. All the sadness has turned to anger now. Can see why Cassidy hated him so much for all these years, once the lovey dovey shit wore off.

She finally reached the house. He was gone ... thank god. Didn't wanna see him now. Probably hit him again like she had at the rec room after he'd first told her the truth. That he was behind it all, not Ben.

No starting over for us. Crystal clear. We are done.

She got dressed. Packed all the food and water she could fit into her back pack. She knows there's no boat to be found anywhere, but she can't sit around here doing nothing.

Goes exploring, wants to see what else there is to this island. Followed the shoreline already, not much to see. So she goes for a walk in the jungle. And she doesn't wanna feel like it, but she feels it anyways. Feels like she's proving him right, but she just can't stop her damn feet from moving. Is she running again? Maybe!

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

I know Kate seems all over the place in this chapter. She's not making much sense with her antics and all ... flirty, shy, scared, brave, truthful, shameless, suicidal and then pissed off again ... just to name a few ... or maybe those are all of them :) But rest assured there is a reason why she's acting all 'weird' and out of character, it's not just bad writing on my part ... Not wanting to give too much away, but could it be 'hormones raging'? *wink -wink*

Thank you all for still reading and please, please leave a review. I'm dying to know what'ya all are thinking. Your thoughts and opinions are what keep me going. Thank you!


	27. Chapter 27 Sawyer  It's Kate

Somehow she found herself back at the Dharma stations after all. She was torn between loving and hating the man at this point. She told herself over and over again that it was just this place ... this particular island and the memories of those damn cages that made her feel so much for him.

How those cages taunted her every time she walked by them. Remembering how she could have ran but she wouldn't ... not without him. And the first night they had spend in each others arms. His 'I love you too' and the cruel morning awakening that had followed ... she wiped away a tear as she touched the metal bars of his cage. His cage ... the thought gave her Goosebumps all over. Nobody should have a cage associated with them. His and hers ... there should be no such thing as his and her cage.

But it wasn't just this place, because her feelings for him had started long before they had ever been brought to Hydra Island. She couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment when she knew she loved him, but she knew she had feelings for him not too long after the crash. She also remembered how she'd tried to fight it ... ooooohhhhh, how she'd fought it. But her mothers stupid, stupid words always came back to haunt her, "You can't help who you love, Katherine." She never thought those words would come back one day to bite her in the ass.

But she had had feelings for Jack too. And now with all this time to think about it she finally came to realize what it was that drew her to Jack in the first place.

Tom.

He was a doctor and he seemed like a genuine good person, just like Tom. But he wasn't Tom and puppy-love didn't stand a chance against the strong feelings she had for Sawyer. After leaving the island it became pretty clear to her that Jack wasn't the man she had thought he was. And that despite the feelings she had for him, it wasn't or would ever be the same as what she felt for Sawyer all along.

Sawyer still wasn't back yet, or at least so it seemed. She was a little curious as to what he was up too, but at the same time relieved to not having to face him right now. She felt too vulnerable, too emotional to deal with him at the moment. Distance was just what she needed right now. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

As she went on exploring the dharma buildings in more detail, she came across a door looking opening in the ground, similar to the one from the hatch or the round door of a submarine. Except that this one was inside a building, apparently leading to another level underneath, like a basement or some sort of bunker with a ladder to climb down.

As she stared down she couldn't see where the ladder was ending because it was too dark to see very far. Digging through her backpack, she got the flashlight out. She could see that the ladder didn't reach too far down. On a whim and the curiosity that always seems to eat at her she started climbing down the ladder into the darkness. Although she could only see with the help of the flashlight, something about this place seemed familiar.

She only had to walk a few feet when she came upon a big metal door with a red handle; she opened it and walked inside the dark room. The first thing she saw as she scanned the room with the flashlight were monitors right in front of her. Similar to the ones in the security station in Dharmaville. The room was dark and the monitors were off.

Kate started looking around the room and found what seemed to be the circuit breaker, flipped it on, and the entire room came to live, as well as the outside hallway lights.

One of the first things she noticed where the guns and the ammunition. She chose a handgun instead of a rifle and all the ammo she could find for it. Then her eyes fell back on the now fully functioning security monitors. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Sawyer standing in the jungle somewhere.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the screen. The way he stood there, swinging that axe. Violently, and jet there was something so vulnerable about him. No matter how mad he got and how evil he tried to portrait himself, she could always see right through him ... see that scared little boy that he was trying so hard to hide. She sighed as she stood there frozen in place staring at him on the screen.

Then the screen changed to another camera, and he was gone. She found herself messing with the buttons frantically because she wanted to keep watching him. But she couldn't figure out how to get the previous camera back on the monitor. The camera's were obviously alternating, so she sat down in one of the 2 chairs and watched the screens in anticipation of his reappearance.

She ate some food as she watched him reappear over and over again for a good 30 minutes. She thoroughly enjoyed watching him. Examining him in every detail, without being judged by him or anyone else for gazing at him like some love-drunk teenager. She just sat there unable to take her eyes off of him, even though he was doing the same thing over and over again. Chopping trees down and then chopping the trees into smaller pieces the entire time. Hadn't taken a break yet, not even to drink some water. Or maybe he had when the cameras weren't showing, but she hadn't seen him take a break.

She could never get over how good looking he was. Even in black and white and the very grainy picture quality ... she could just picture his tan skin right in front of her.

His muscular naked upper body was pure perfection. She was mesmerized by how his abs tightened every time he swung that axe. Not to mention his arms. He was so beautiful like this, when he wasn't showing off ... hell, he didn't even know there was a camera on him.

Why can't anything ever be simple between us? I love him and he loves me, and couldn't that be good enough?

Couldn't that be more important than stupid pride, and cancer and islands and everything else that had gotten in their way in the past? Can't their love for each other just once be enough? Good enough to not run anymore? And good enough for him and her to forgive each other and go home together? Have a baby together and raise it together?

That's all she really wants out of life at this point - a family of her own. But not with just anybody, only him and their baby. Theirs to keep and nobody could take that away from them. But if he was determined to stay here, could she be so cruel and not even tell him? Could she really leave here and not tell him? She buried her face in her hands and sobbed again ... it seemed like she's been crying all day.

It took her several minutes to regain her composure again, but she finally wiped the last tear away. Finally able to break away from the spell of the monitors, she studied the room some more. Rifling through the shelves and drawers of things. When she came upon video tapes. Recordings, most of them labeled ... but some of them not.

Her eyes scanned the labels, until it fell upon one that read 'Austen/Ford SS/HI'. She could feel her heart beat faster at the thought of what that tape might show. She looked at the monitors wondering if there was some way to view it, when she got distracted by Sawyer on the screen again instead. As she walked closer to view, she saw him walk towards the building she was in. It looked like he was yelling something, but then she suddenly realized that he was calling out for her. He was looking for her. But then the camera changed again and he was gone.

She wondered if he would apologize to her. She even questioned her own sanity. Why the hell had she had this overwhelming urge to tell him the truth about everything in the first place? To tell him that she was sick but now better ... that made sense somehow. But to tell him that she had planned on running ... well, it really didn't help their relationship in any way to volunteer that information to him. She must have been out of her damn mind to tell him that.

She focused her attention on the shelf with the tapes again instead. She wondered on how many tapes she was on. She wondered also why they taped them in the first place.

His voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Kate", she heard him yell down the hallway. She peeked her head out the door, he wasn't coming down the ladder she'd used ... meaning there had to be another way into this maze of underground tunnels and rooms.

"KATE" His voice grew louder and echoed in the cold metallic surrounded hallway as she followed it.

"I'm here" She answered him right as he got out of a room.

He looked relieved when he said "Hi".

"Hi" she answered him back. Innocently smiling up at him.

Even with a few steps between them she could smell the mixture of the ocean, sweat and that distinctive smell of just him. And she loved it, graved it ... wanted to move in closer, bury her head in the crook of his neck and breath it in. It was intoxicating ... like his secret weapon. If he was a superhero of sorts, this must be his secret super power ... intoxicating smell that leaves every woman in his path incapable of resistance.

"Have you been down here this entire time?" He scanned her up and down, obviously noticing she had gotten fully dressed herself.

"You mean since you yelled at me out there?" she couldn't help it, hated when he acted as if nothing had transpired between them.

He looked away for a brief moment as if he was scanning the hallway behind her, then locked eyes with her again, "Well, about that. I probably could have handled that a bit better."

She didn't know what to say, but she also knew that that was the closest to an apology she was going to get on the matter. So she let it go.

"I got down here a little while ago."

Both of them started walking together, walking in the first room. When Kate saw the thick glass wall, she recognized the room immediately, "This is where they kept Jack. This is where they brought me to see him." Except that this time she was on the other side of the glass, actually touching the metal table in the middle of the room.

Sawyer scanned the room, curiously eyeing the chains hanging from the ceiling.

"They didn't put him in those chains, did they?" He exchanged a look with Kate.

She looked up then back at Sawyer, "He wasn't when I saw him." It had never even crossed her mind until now.

They looked around the eerie room in silence until Sawyer spoke up.

"Well, gotta say Freckles, I'm glad I wasn't stuck in here alone. This place makes me claustrophobic, that's for sure. I take the damn cages with you over this rat hole any damn day." Their eyes met for a brief moment and both of them exchanged a knowing look. A silent agreement that the doc had gotten the short end of the stick.

But Sawyer continued, "But hell, at least the doc didn't have to break rocks and haul them around ... guess you gotta take the good with the bad." Kate just nodded in agreement.

As they left the room, Sawyer noticed the gun sticking out of the back of Kates jeans. "Where'd you get the gun?"

She looked back and up at him, then pointed towards the open door down the hall, "In there, it's some kind of security room. There are more guns and ammo."

Sawyer headed for it now, and she quietly followed suit. She watched him as he inspected the guns now, just like she had earlier. "I took all the ammo for the 5 mil, so if you need any for your gun, we can share."

He turned around and smirked at her with his dimples flashing, "I'm good for now, but I keep that in mind." He winked at her as if sharing ammo was something to be flirty about. Which I guess between the two of them it was. She just couldn't help herself but smile back. He just knew how to get a smile out of her every time. Then he walked over to the security monitors watching.

A little embarrassed that he would probably realize she'd been watching him, she silently left him standing. She walked back out of the security room and walked back down the hallway again, inspecting some of the other rooms. But she found nothing, all of them just empty, eerie and similar to Jacks. Like prison cells of some sort.

She stopped in front of the one room she hadn't gone in yet. The door was different and it had a round door handle, the kind you had to turn like on a submarine. Similar to the one that lead down to this basement.

She contemplated in her mind whether or not to open it, but again ... that damn curiosity won the upper hand and she started turning that wheel on the door slowly. Before she knew what was happening the door busted open, hitting her shoulder hard in the process and water started gushing in around her.

Engulfed in waves of water, she couldn't tell which way was up or down. She was drowning. Then she realized there was still ground beneath her feet. She fought to stay upright and afloat, gasping for air unable to even scream.

Then she felt it, his hand. A tight grip on her arm that was sure to leave a bruise as he pulled her up and to him. It was a matter of a second or two when he yanked her with him.

He basically pulled her into a room with just one arm wrapped tightly around her waist ... like she didn't weigh a thing. Caring her like a child would carry a doll.

She came to her senses fast enough to help him close the door against the flooding waters gushing in and pulling the lever down to shut the apparent water proof door.

She was coughing hard, trying to regain her composure to finally take a normal breath again. He stood there watching her, with both his hands still on the door as if he wasn't sure it was going to hold. Breathing heavily himself when he said, "You alright Freckles?"

Kate was finally able to take a normal breath. The rim of her eyes fire red. It hurts to choke. She looked at him and nodded. They were in the security office, and for some odd reason the water that had made it into the room was slowly disappearing. Like there was a drain in the ground sucking the room dry again ... slowly.

Their breathing had normalized and so had their mindset. He let go of the door and said, "What the hell happened? Where did the damn tidal wave come from?"

She looked at him guilty, "I opened a door and ... " She choked on the words when she felt tears coming up again, "I'm so sorry Sawyer." The grasp of their situation dawning on her.

He sighed and said, "Ain't you fault babe." Trying to comfort her when he saw that look in her eyes. The look that said 'I know I fucked up but please don't hate me' ... that one he didn't get to see a whole lot coming from her. Usually she's on the receiving end of that look.

She wiped at her tears as he looked around the room with intensity in his eyes. "Somehow this room is completely waterproof, once the door's locked."

She just watched him as he walked closer to the monitors. He messed with the buttons and knobs, as if he knew what he was doing. Not frantic and clueless like her earlier. Then he muttered something under his breath. She hadn't actually heard it, but knew none the less what he'd said. So she went to investigate what was worth one of his infamous 'Son of a bitch' declarations.

She gasped when she saw what he saw. Apparently there was a camera in 'Jacks room' and some of the other rooms down here. There were no gushing waves anymore. Instead the entire room was filled with water. Top to bottom. But oddly enough the cameras still worked and the lights were still on as well. Waterproof. Everything was made for water.

She looked up at him, wondering what he was thinking. Trying to read his face.

Sawyer looked at her, "Guess we're gonna be stuck for a while."

The way he'd said it, it was supposed to be funny, but it wasn't. Not to her.

"There has to be a way out somehow." She stated, not wanting to give up that easily.

Both of them looked around the room, there was no way out.

The only other door in the room let to a bathroom. Nothing else. At least they had water to stay hydrated, she thought.

Then she looked up, scanning the ceiling. Sawyer did too. They both noticed the air vent at the same time.

"We might fit through there." She glanced up at him.

"It's worth a try." He agreed, but he knew there ain't no way in hell he would fit. She could though.

He stood on top of the chair, prying and eventually yanking the cover of the air vent. He got back down, folded his hands and held them down for her to step into. So that he could hoist her up high enough for her to climb into the vent.

She stepped into his hand, braced herself on his shoulders but before climbing up and in she asked, "How are you gonna get up?"

He looked up at her, "Ain't no way I'll fit through that vent sugar, gotta live of slimfast for a while before I'd fit through there."

She slid off of him back to the ground, devastated look on her face, "I'm not leaving you here Sawyer."

He grabbed her waist and basically picked her up in an attempt to get her up and towards the vent against her will, "Yes you are. You try to get the hell out of here." Before that damn door busts open, he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud.

She struggled against him enough to get back down, "Don't be like that. Don't do this. We find a way out together."

"This is the way out." Pointing up towards the vent. "You get out, and you wait for Ben and them to show up and they'll know what to do. They'll know how to drain the water, I'm sure. And they'll show up again eventually, at least in time for you to catch that sub."

"That's over 2 weeks from now. You can't be stuck here for that long. We have to get out of here now. And besides, what if you're wrong altogether?"

"Wrong about what?"

"Wrong about your whole theory. What if they didn't leave us here to make up? What if they left us here to take over the island again? Take out Hurley and then come back to finish us off too. You are the last candidate."

"First off, I ain't wrong. Ben's changed. He's different now. Hell, we're all different. And besides, I ain't the last candidate sweetheart. We both are. You ain't nobodies mama anymore, so like Jacob said, the job's yours if you want it." He looked at her with his head held sideways.

"Yeah, I guess." She agreed, but then unconsciously touched her stomach, wondering if she might be somebody's mama after all.

Sawyer forced her back to reality with his words, "It'd be really stupid for you to not even try to get out. At least that way you could get me some food and stuff, so I can survive down here." He met her eyes, wondering if she'd see it his way.

She walked back to the door, "What if we just open it, and swim out together. There's a ladder right over here that leads out. I'm sure we could make it."

Can't you see that I don't wanna leave you behind?

He sighed, then grabbed the handle from the door and lightly yanked on it, knowing it wouldn't budge. "We won't get it open. The pressure from the water outside jammed the lock. The vent's the only way out until the water's gone. You have to go Kate."

She folded her arms in front as if she was angry, and her words contradicted her posture, "Fine, I go. But I'll be back with food and some dry clothes for you."

He smiled, "Sounds great, I'm starving."

He helped her up and sure enough she managed to fit through the vent. But before she disappeared she yelled back at him, "Oh, and stop calling me that."

He looked up but unable to see her, "Stop calling you what?"

"Kate. Stop calling me Kate." Came back from a distance.

He smiled wide and said, "You got it Freckles."

She smiled and slowly crawled her way out.

As soon as he didn't hear her anymore, he went for the door handle again. Pushing down with all his weight. Pulling, tugging, ... he tried everything to get that damn door open while she was not here. But like he'd predicted, the pressure from the water outside of the door made it impossible. The lock was jammed and there was no way of opening this door anymore.

"Son of a bitch." He wanted to scream. He tried to stay cool and collected when she was around, but he couldn't stand to be locked in this place any more than she did.

He sighed when he finally gave up. The door won't budge ... it only pissed him off more with every failed attempt.

"FRECKLES"

He yelled, but didn't get an answer. He quickly decided for himself that it meant she got out and was on her way to bring him dry clothes and food and whatever else he'd need to survive down here.

Remembering the secret doorway into the temple wall, he decided to check wall for wall. Tapping and knocking, ... carefully investigating if there was some sort of secret way out. The room was on the smaller side, so it didn't take him long to figure out that there was no way out other than that damn door.

Trying to take his mind of the fact that he was trapped, he decided to search the room. He'd have more than enough time to do so, but he was too agitated to sit or stand still at the moment. He had to keep busy to keep himself from going insane. It felt like that time in the cage, when he was determined to figure out their little fish biscuit gadget, just to keep from going crazy ... Not knowing where she was, what they had done with her and not knowing how to get out.

History was repeating itself, as he looked up to the vent. Remembering how she'd managed to get out of her cage with ease. The same way she'd just climbed out of here. Tiny little thing that she is ... with more fight in her then anyone he'd ever known.

As he looked around a shelf, he noticed videotape after videotape. Some labeled, some not. His eyes scanned the labels for anything familiar. He stopped when he saw the name 'Shephard HI' ... he picked up the tape and looked around the monitors to see if there was any way to view it. And sure enough there was.

He walked over and put the tape in, and pushed play. The movie started playing. He saw Jack lying on the metal table in the room they'd found earlier. He fast forward after a few moments, cause nothing was happening. He walked back over to the shelf and his eyes caught the tape Kate had looked at earlier.

He grabbed it off the shelf and stared at it, wondering what Kate would think if he'd watch it. That moment when she kissed him ... and sure, it was the third kiss they'd shared by then, but it was the first initiated by her. And not to forget what followed that third kiss. He knew she didn't do it because he was a 'dead man'. He saw it in her eyes, the same way she'd seen it in his. It was love ... it is love.

He took the tape of Jack out and put their tape in instead. His hand was trembling as he pushed play, anticipating to see them both locked up in their cages again. Gotta take the good with the bad ... remembering his own words to her from earlier.

But he couldn't believe his eyes. Instead of the cages, he saw the swan hatch. Him in the bunk bed, Jack sitting by his side and Kate standing right there talking to Jack about why he's shaking.

Sawyers just mesmerized by it. It's a strange thing to see yourself in a state like that, not even remembering a thing about it. He sits down in one of the chairs and just watches as Jack tries to get him to swallow a pill. And then Kate. How she whispers to him. Her gentle caresses. The way she kissed his forehead ... and none of it strikes him as all that significant, the only thing he's mesmerized by is the fact that she does all of this right in front of Jack. The good old doc.

All this time he was jealous, never even realized how Jack must have felt. But to be honest, he didn't care. All is fair in love and war ... and he loved Kate. He'd do it all again for her ... no, he'd do it better. He'd tell her how he felt, he'd bite his tongue and not push her away every chance he got. If he'd get a 'do over', he'd do it right next time around. He'd love her right from the start. Jack wouldn't stand a chance if he could do it all again.

He watched on, as Jack left the room and she just held him for a little while longer. She didn't whisper anymore, just held him. Stroking his hair back. Gentle and softly caressing his face. Her fingertip following his eyebrow. Almost like a mother would hold her child. And now with Jack no longer there to distract him, he sees it. He can actually see that she already loved him right then and there. But how? He knew how he felt, but she? How could she love him, especially since one of their last interactions prior to this had been him exposing her as the criminal. Once again he wished for that damn do over. So much time wasted pretending not to care about one another. When all along they could've been together. Right in that moments he heard a noise coming from the vent.

He turned the tape off immediately and listened. Then he yelled out, "FRECKLES?"

A faint "Yeah" was audible and echoed a little in the metallic surrounding of the room and the vent itself.

He sighed in relief. Then her back pack dropped out of the vent, followed by a pair of pants, boxershorts and a shirt. He smiled picking up the clothes, then he looked up just in time to watch her poke her head through the vent. "I got more food and stuff, I'll be right back." She sounded out of breath ... as if she'd hurried to get back to him.

"Alright, no need to rush. I ain't goin' anywhere." He hears a faint "Funny" in the distance, which brings another smile to his face.

He sits down to untie his shoes when she reappears.

"Can you get that?" She asks as she holds down a big sack filled with god knows what, and he grabs it from her.

"What's all this?" he reaches up to help her get down. His hands on her thighs, as her knees lower onto his shoulders. Her body slowly sliding down along his, and by the smirk on his lips he enjoyed every second of it.

"It's food and stuff, like you asked for." She looks up at him innocently.

"Well, thanks" he peeks inside the sack to reveal all sorts of dharma boxes of food and toiletries, pillows and blankets too. Wait ... two pillows and two blankets.

"Why are there two pillows and blankets?" he tried to meet her eyes.

"Because I ain't leaving you down here alone." She said, crossing her arms in front of her again. Her battle stance, bracing herself for a verbal fight about to begin.

He just shook his head, let out an almost silent chuckle, then looked up and said, "Suit yourself."

The look on her face was priceless. She had expected him to at least throw a few arguments at her about how it would be stupid for her to stay down here too. But nothing of the sort, just a simple 'Suit yourself'! Huh, she didn't even know what to say to that.

"You hungry too?" his question brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him now, arms no longer crossed, just her thumbs casually in her pockets, she nodded.

So they went through the food she'd brought and started eating, sitting on the floor across from each other. He started talking about the raft he'd gotten started on. She listened carefully, as if she had no clue what he was talking about ... as if she hadn't watched him for half an hour chopping wood and working on it.

They laughed and talked, as if he wasn't trapped. As if he hadn't yelled at her and told her that there was no starting over. No tabula rasa. No clean slate. But now, here they were. Laughing with each other, still in wet clothes from the 'tidal wave' in the hallway.

When she looked at him, as she took another bite of the sandwich, she couldn't help but think of how much she loved him. How much she missed having this with him every day. How good they can be together.

And he? He was thinking about her holding him in that stupid long forgotten bunk bed. How she had held him, stroked his hair back and just loved him. Kinda like he'd held her after they'd made love for the first time in the cage. Holding her and stroking her hair.

When they were done eating, they just sat there. Looking at each other. He patted his flat stomach, "I think I'm full for now."

She laughed again and said, "Guess that should last at least an hour."

He smiled back at her, running his fingers through his hair, his eyebrows raised, "So I have a healthy appetite. So what? After all I did some serious ground work for that raft today. And fyi, you almost ate an entire jar of peanut butter on those sandwiches of yours."

She looked a little embarrassed that she had eaten that much peanut butter ... but it was true. No denying it. His big grin, the dimples and those adorable blue eyes looking at her. Somehow she forgot ... got caught up in the bliss of the moment when she said something really stupid again, "Yeah, well, I was hungry too. And you know what they say about the whole eating for two thing."

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><p><strong><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!**


	28. Chapter 28 Jack0  Me1

His eyes were reflecting his smile just a second ago, but now they were staring at her wide open with a blank expression she had never seen before.

She could feel her throat tighten when she saw that look on his face. She didn't know what to make of it. The room was caving in on her like someone had just sucked all the fun out of it, along with the oxygen to breathe. She felt nauseous ... wishing she hadn't eaten that much peanut butter.

Silence ... and even though in reality it was only a second or two, for Kate it seemed to last forever.

He didn't take his eyes off her when he finally spoke, "What did you just say?" His voice an octave or two higher then normally ... sounding incredibly strange coming out of his mouth.

She stammered on the words, and for the first time in a very long time she prayed for god to help her to not screw this up ... not this time around.

"I-I said ...I said ..."

He cut her off before she could even repeat it, "I know what you said, but what are you saying?"

He was in shock, in awe, in denial ... hell, for the second time today he was completely dumbfounded by what she was saying. First her admission about the cancer and that she was going to leave him and now this. She was just full of fucking surprises today.

She swallowed and looked away for a moment as she gathered some courage and thought about how she would say it. She failed miserably and all that came out was, "I don't know why I said that ... I'm not even sure." The coward that she is was already wondering how she'd get into the vent without him giving her a lift. She could use one of the chairs, she decided in a heartbeat. But would he let her leave? Stupid woman, she was basically at his mercy now ... she might have to tackle him to the ground again first, before making a run for the vent.

He stood up now, wiping his hands on his jeans before he started pacing. She stood up too watching him, trying to read his face ... trying to see what he was thinking.

He stopped and turned towards her, making eye contact again, waving his hands as he spoke "What made you think that you might be pregnant?"

He knew if he wanted to know more, he'd have to ask the questions ... their little dance that they do, only giving up enough information to get by. But he needed more tonight, he needed answers ... he was scared to hear them but he needed answers.

"I'm late." She stated almost embarrassed while looking up at him from across the room. She stood with her arms crossed once again. The last thing she wanted right now was to start a fight, but better be prepared.

"How late?" he shot back quicker then she'd expected.

"I'm not sure."

His eyebrows furrowed and his forehead was wrinkled when he shook his head all the while looking at her, "What do you mean you're not sure?" His voice expressed the confusion that was written all over his face.

She dared to take a step towards him, her voice loud and clear. She decided to put on a brave face, after all she could run, he couldn't. "I mean I'm not sure when I had my last period Sawyer? I don't remember?"

Still the same look on his face when he said, "How can you not remember?" He shot back now, like it's a no brainer. His eyes set on hers ... he didn't understand.

She sighed in defeat, when she looked at him with those innocent green eyes. Rubbing the back of her neck with her right hand for a moment as she looked around the room. She let her arms fall to her side again before she shrugged her shoulders, "I think ... I think it was about a month or so before you left, but I honestly can't remember the exact dates." Then she locked eyes with him again before she asked, "Do you ... do you remember?"

"Why would I ...?" He stopped mid sentence as he was still staring at her. And she could see it in his face and in his eyes that he was thinking about it. Seconds passed as she could practically see the wheels in his head turning. Then he shook his head and looked to the ground, silence again before he continued, "I think you're right, I think it was about a month before I left. That's the last time I remember. You haven't had your period since then?" He swallowed hard after asking that question.

She just looked up at him and said, "That was the last time I had it."

Damn!

He was scared. Scared to do the wrong thing. Scared to say the wrong thing. Scared of possibly having fathered another child he wouldn't be around to raise. Another child that would end up hating him for not being around. Another child who would possible grow up thinking he or she was unwanted by him.

But then there was this other feeling. This feeling he was ashamed to admit too. This feeling that was betraying him and his logical way of thinking. This feeling of ... pride.

He can't leave the island. He shouldn't want to have a child with her ... anymore.

So they just stood there, staring at each other. That's when he saw it in her eyes too. She was scared ... just like him ... hell, probably even more so. And he didn't know what the right thing to say was giving their situation, but he knew one thing he could do to make her feel better. And he hoped that for the moment it would be good enough.

And just like that his facial expression softened as he wrapped her in his arms. Pulling her in, his hand in her still damp hair as he held on tight. He closed his eyes and just took a deep breath, when he noticed how she went limp in his arms. And even though she didn't make a sound, he just knew she was crying. Those are the worst kinda tears ... the ones that don't make a sound. So he said the only thing that made sense at the moment.

He whispered in her ear as he held on even tighter, "Shhhhhhh ... it'll be alright Freckles. It will be alright." He didn't know if it would be. Maybe it was the biggest and boldest lie he ever told in his whole pathetic life, but he would have said anything to make her feel better at the moment.

And there it was again. That stupid feeling of pride that she might be carrying his child after all. Even if he'd never be a part of this kid's life, it would forever be something that would connect them. For all eternity. For generations to come there would be his and her genes mixed up into one ... and all of it started with the bribe of a kiss for nonexistent inhalers and her somehow loving him in spite of it all. In spite of him! Him ... the cowardly lousy son of a bitch he really is!

He scooped her up into his arms, and slid down along the wall until he ended up on the floor. Him sitting with his back against the wall, and she was sitting in his lap. Her head in the crook of his neck. Both her arms wrapped tightly around him, holding onto him for dear life. He held her just as tight, with his chin resting on top of her head.

They didn't know how much time had passed ... it seemed like hours.

But it could have only been minutes since both their clothing hadn't dried yet.

He was starting to feel cold even with her in his arms, and call it instinct or stupid macho behavior, but none the less he got worried. About her and the baby!

He stroked her hair out of her face and said, "Did you bring any dry clothes for you?"

It took a second for her to sit up, steadying herself with her left hand flat on his chest. She shook her head 'no', barely making eye contact with him.

"Well hell sugar, I appreciate all the stuff you brought for me, but there ain't no sunshine down here to dry us up. You need to go and get yourself some dry clothes on before you catch pneumonia or something." He gently framed her face and smiled at her before he kissed her forehead, then her cheek and then gave her a gentle sweet kiss on her lips.

He gave her the sweetest genuine smile he could muster. And she smiled back at him, wrapping both her arms around his neck and holding him close before she pushed herself up to stand. He stood up too, and wiped some tears away that were still lingering right beneath her eyes.

"Okay, I go get changed. Do you need anything else while I'm out?" She said, pulling her hair out of her face and knotting it into a bun. It had gotten long enough that she could do that without even using a hair tie.

Sweet denial! He'd changed the subject into something totally different ... pneumonia? Sometimes she wished she could read his mind, because at times like these he made absolutely no sense at all. And it probably made even less sense that she just went along with it.

He just shook his head, "No Freckles, I'm good."

He walked underneath the vent and held out his folded hands for her to step into again, so she did. Right after she'd disappeared into the vent, this nagging question popped into his mind.

Is she going to come back?

So he asked, "Hey, are you still spending the night in here with me?"

He couldn't see her, but he could hear her, "Do you still want me too?"

"Of course."

"I'll be back then in a little bit." She already sounded a little further away, her voice not as loud as just a second ago.

"Bring more blankets then, cause it's freezing in here."

"Okay."

And she was gone.

He paced around the empty cold room like a caged animal.

It couldn't be. She couldn't be. She was on birth control. He had read it in her medical files from Gordy and after snooping around long enough he'd found the proof in her dresser drawer. For month they had had unprotected sex when 'whatever happens' was there philosophy. And nothing had happened. So what are the odds that she was really pregnant now after having been on birth control ... it didn't make sense. But then again, what the hell made sense these days?

There had to be another reason why she was late. Where the hell was the ghost of Jackass when you need him? Would a spinal surgeon even know about pregnancies and periods and that sort of stuff?

He knew damn well who had the answers to his questions, but he wasn't gonna wish in a million years to see her ghostly appearance. Bad enough Hurley had told him that he'd talked to her once, but it was before he'd come back ... long time ago.

He didn't wanna see her. He couldn't face her ... and considering the circumstance, she'd be the last person or ghost he'd wanna discuss Kate's pregnancy with. The woman's been through enough. She doesn't need to hear that he married and knocked Kate up.

He stood still and looked around the room again. As scared as he was about having to deal with this whole situation, he wished Kate would hurry up and come back to him. Because the more he looked around the room, it seemed like the walls were caving in on him. He couldn't stand to be locked up, yet alone with all these crazy fucking thoughts roaming around his head ... it drove him insane. He wasn't really prepared to have any sort of discussion with Kate about it all, but he needed her. Here. Now.

He rifled through the big bag she'd brought and got a towel, soap and shampoo out.

He turned the water to hot and let it run before he got in, waiting and wondering if it would get hot at all. It did and after slipping off his already untied trekking boots, he got undressed and stepped under the steaming hot stream. He felt the water trickle down his body and he concentrated on that feeling, just to have a few minutes of serenity. A quick hot steamin' shower while the world was still alright.

Denial again. He had his eyes closed tightly pretending like a child to be somewhere where he damn sure knew he wasn't. But for the moment it seemed to work. Pretending to be back in L.A., his house ... their house. Their bathroom and any moment now the shower door would open up and she'd step in. She'd wrap her arms around him and press her face to his chest all the while telling him not to hog all the water. A smile formed on his face at that thought. Or was it a memory? Guess it was a mixture of both.

The moment didn't last. The pretending didn't work as good as he'd hoped, because there it was again. Pride ... stupid idiotic selfish macho pride. How the stupid thought of her having his baby after all filled his selfish heart with such intense pride was beyond believe to him.

It wasn't fair to her, he knew that. The circumstances where the worst possible. Their relationship had managed to disintegrate to an all time low due to his actions and her knowledge or lack there off what his reasons were for leaving her. No matter which way he twisted and turned, there could be no good outcome. She'd just end up with a baby and a broken heart once again. And he knew there was nothing he could do about it!

She was on her way back already, but no longer in such a rush as the last time. She sat down on the staircase with another bag of clothes and blankets and a few other things that might come in handy. She needed a quiet moment to herself to think.

She was still trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. She couldn't believe that she'd actually had the courage to tell him ... But what had she been thinking? 'Eating for two' ... she normally wasn't the kinda person that would joke about something so potentially serious. And on top of it all, she really didn't know what to make of his reaction. She didn't have any idea of how he would react, but the way it had all played out was different than anything she could have pictured in her head. What did he mean when he'd said 'It'll all be alright'? She had no idea how he dared to make that kind of assumption. Because truth be told, she was scared to death about it all. But that was a whole 'nother matter in itself.

"God, we are so screwed," she huffed to herself as she buried her face into her hands, trying her best not to start crying again.

The hot shower had warmed him up. He was sure that by the time he'd step out of the shower she'd be back here, but she wasn't. He shook his head to himself as he started to button up the dry clean shirt she'd brought for him earlier. Chances are she wasn't coming back tonight.

He sat down in one of the chairs in front of the monitor screens and turned knobs and pushed buttons once again, using the outside cameras in an attempt to at least get a glimpse of her. But he couldn't find her. She was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and pulled the clean socks on he'd found in the bag ... his boots had to dry out first.

He climbed up on the chair and inspected the air vent ... there was just no way he would ever fit through there. He sighed, sat back down and looked around the room.

A baby! How the hell did that happen? Well, he knew how it happened. But why now? He shook his head again ... if there is a god then he has one sick sense of humor, that's for sure!

A faint smile formed on his face as he remembered something he had once read. 'If you want to make god laugh tell him your plans.' Yup, that's about right ... that sums it right up!

He looked around the small room again. His chest felt tight as he tried to take a deep breath ... he needed to get the hell out of here.

This day had started out so good this morning. In her arms ... in her! And then it went to hell!

His eyes fell on the monitors again, searching for a sign of her out there, but still nothing. She was probably already in bed, regretting every decision that had brought the two of them together. At least that's what Sawyer imagined she was doing.

To take his mind of the baby issue at hand and from feeling 'caged in' he continued to watch the tape of the swan hatch. His eyes were glued to the screen when he watched Kate still hold him and just hug him for what seems like quiet a long time. Then he hears Jack yelling in the background, "Half dead with a bullet hole in his shoulder John."

Kate raises her head towards the commotion, but when Sawyer quietly moans in pain she stays put and keeps on stroking his hair back and caressing his face tenderly. And once again, she places a small kiss on his forehead, and let's her lips linger there while she closes her eyes.

And his heart aches. What he wouldn't give to have her hold him like that right now. And for a second he looks towards the other screens again, but she's still not in sight. He sighed and focused his attention on the video again instead.

Minutes go by and he can hear some sort of commotion going on in the hatch. Jack arguing with ... hell, god knows who. And after a while curiosity seemed to have gotten the better of Kate as she slowly and carefully slid of the bed. She gently places his head down on the pillow and pulls the blanket up a little higher. Sawyer smiles as he watches the screen and sees how she then proceeds to pull the blanket down again.

Maybe she just likes the 'view'!

Then she whispers to him, "You're still burning up." As if she's trying to explain to him why she'd just moved the blanket down again. She places one more gentle kiss on his forehead, like a mother putting her child to bed and then walked out of the room.

For a brief second all Sawyer could see was himself lying there alone, until the camera changed on the video and instead he saw Mr. Ecko arguing with Jack. Along with Locke, Michael, Sun and now also Kate looking on.

"Ana Lucia made a mistake." Moments later Jack disappears with Mr. Ecko ... no guns.

He contemplates turning the video off now, as he grunts an "Ahh hell" to himself ... so sure of himself. But he watches on, although convinced he knows what's going to happen next. Sun had just informed Kate what had happened. Shannon's dead. Sayid's being held at gunpoint and Dr. Giggles is going out there with not even a fucking gun.

Surely Kate will run after him any second now. Surely she will run into the gun room, grab a gun and follow Jack.

After all, it's Jack here we're talking about!

He sighed again, leaning back into the uncomfortable chair as he lets his eyes wander over to the other monitors again, searching for her.

Then in the corner of his eye he sees it. In awe he watches as she turns back around and rather slowly and quietly settles in a chair next to his bed again.

What the hell is she doing?

He sits up straight again, moving in closer to the screen as if that would actually give him a better view. She just sits there, watching him sleep as her right hand reaches for his and she just holds it. She just holds his hand and stays put. She's not running after Jack!

And he feels like such an idiot ... such a fool, when this feeling of victory takes over his heart. After all, this all happened a fucking lifetime ago. But still ... Jack-0 Me-1

He twists his ring again on his hand and then his mind started wondering once again. How many points do you get for kneeling down to take a bullet for her? And jumping from a chopper to save her? The 'I do' oughta be worth some bonus points.

The smile that had formed faded again when he wondered how many points you lose for breaking her heart time and again. And is anybody even still keeping score when the other player died.

Am I just the winner by default?

Right at that moment he notices himself starting to twist and turn on that video screen. Like he's having a nightmare or something the like. A mixture of pearls of sweat and Goosebumps on his skin, even noticeable on the grainy black and white screen. He watches as she leans in closer, still holding his right hand tightly in hers. "Hey ... hey, can you hear me?" She's not whispering anymore, stroking his hair again. "You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be alright. You're home."

He feels his heart ache for how stupid he was. How could he not have seen that she loved him all along?

Right at that thought he hears a noise coming from the vent above and he quickly turns the video off again.

"Freckles, is that you?" he asked rather loud, but he didn't yell.

"Are you expecting someone else?" comes back quickly echoing through the vent and he can't help but smile.

And there she is, holding something in her hand out to him. He reaches up to grab it, but he can already smell it.

"You made me dinner?" That stupid smile plastered all over his face again as if someone is still keeping score.

"I made us dinner." She snaps back, "Can you put it down and help me down please?" So he does, as she drags another bag with more things down with her.

She starts digging in the bag and pulls out two forks and holds them up, "Hungry?"

"You know me, lollipop." As he reaches for one of the forks and they both sit down on the floor side by side. He carefully takes the aluminum foil of the still somewhat hot pot and they both start diggin' in.

"Hmmm ... this is good." He says, while he has a mouthful of it.

"It's just spaghetti with meatballs. Best I could do on short notice." She says with a sound to her voice that is supposed to diminish the fact that she did this for him ... like it's no big deal. Which it wasn't really ... but it was to him.

He glances down at her with a smile on his lips and those dimples digging deep into his cheeks, "It's still hot, which makes it perfect ... thank you." And he leans in to kiss her gently on the lips.

She beams back at him as her lips still lingered on his for a second or two.

I love him ... ohhhhhh I love him so much!

They sit and eat in silence for a while ... well, he eats. She kinda just sits there with her fork in her hand watching him and tells him she's full when he wonders why she isn't eating.

He spreads one blanket out on the floor then throws the two pillows on top of it, right as she walks out of the bathroom.

"Ready for bed hun'?"

She just nods her head and sits down to untie her boots to take them off.

Both of them settle down, on the pillow as he wraps her in his arms and draws her closer to him. Spooning her from behind, hugging her as they snuggle into each other and draw the blankets up to their chins. Trying to get comfortable and warm.

And he's just about to drift of, because its been a long and emotional day, when he notices it as his feet touch hers. Her socks are wet. And too tired to even articulate anything, too even 'argue' he pulls back the blanket and sits up.

She was just getting comfy when he disrupts her sleep like that, and sits up too, "What are you doing?"

But before she knows it, he's already taking her wet socks off and pulling his dry socks of himself, just to pull them onto her feet a mere second later.

"There, better." He mumbles and lies back down, pulling her back down with him as he covers them both back again in the blankets.

Her voice muffled from the blanket, "Now you're gonna have cold feet."

"I'll be fine," he states. "After all, you gotta keep warm for two."

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><p><strong><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!**


	29. Chapter 29 Who do we have here?

Well ... hell. How was she supposed to sleep now after he'd just said that?

'Warm for two'... and how incredibly sweet he'd just been ... given her his warm dry socks. And now he's just asleep. How can he just fall asleep like that?

And his hand underneath the blankets casually and gently resting over her lower abdomen. Not really that unusual, they have slept exactly like this about a million times before. Come to think of it, they had had sex like this about a million times before, with his hand right there, holding her firmly against his thrusts! She could feel her cheeks getting flushed at the memory of it!

What the hell is the matter with me? And why does it even matter where his hand is?

She tried to reason with herself again. This comforting thing he was doing right now, it'll never last. There is no happy ending in sight for them.

But her mind is spinning as she's trying to read in between the lines and gestures from him. 'It'll be alright' and 'warm for two' echoing over and over again in her head. No way she can just sleep now ... how the hell can he?

The man can eat and apparently also sleep - no matter what the situation is! God, he's so damn frustrating sometimes ... and I love him ... damn it! No, damn him!

So she tries her best to fall asleep. Closed her eyes and tries her best to sleep. And she's lying there for quite some time, but she just can't. She knew he was asleep, she could tell by the steady and even rhythm of his breathing. But frankly she doesn't give a damn. She needs to talk or be distracted ... something from him!

"Sawyer? Are you awake?"

No Answer.

She moved around, turning around to be face to face with him. In the process his hand that had rested on her stomach now found itself cupping her ass. And as if on instinct, he squeezed it hard and pulled her closer at the same time, while he let out a low grunt. But she could tell he was still sleeping.

He's just unbelievable ... groping me even in his sleep!

She slowly wiggled herself out of his tight grip and got up. Her mind was racing, as she slowly paced around the tiny room. There's so much she wanted to say to him. But then again, she couldn't even really word what exactly she wants to say to him at all.

She just wants some sort of solution. Here and now. She wants to know where they are at this point. Maybe she just needs him to say it one more time. Needs him to say that there is no starting over for them. Those words one more time coming out of his mouth, and then maybe she can finally put all of this behind her. Maybe then she can finally move on.

She watches him sleep. How he just lays there, perfect the way he is ... on the outside anyways! Can think of only two other people as beautiful as him ... Aaron and Clementine! But for a man, he's the only one ... envies him for those long eyelashes, longer then her own. And how he seems to have this sun kissed skin all year around.

She had pitied him at times when they'd first made it off the island together. The memory came back as if it was yesterday. With her standing in her kitchen ... Claire's kitchen now, looking out onto the patio, watching him sit on the back porch smoking with his back to the house ... his back to her. She smiled sadly at the memory of it all. How he sat there all alone, lost in his own thoughts. Wondering at the time if he was thinking about Juliet at moments like these. How she thought how sad it was that he had nobody else to go to. How he'd show up every day unannounced, yet call on the days he wouldn't make it over. And she also remembered the moment when she'd stopped pitying him ... it was the moment when she realizes that she was just as alone in the world as he was!

Silently wishing that she could read his mind as she watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful nowadays in his sleep. It wasn't always like that. There had been a few, not many, nights they'd spend together in his tent when he'd start shaking and she'd wake him up ... nightmares. And sometimes he'd still have them in L.A., even after they'd gotten married.

And she did too. She had the same nightmares over and over again, him on his knees with the gun to his head. And sometimes it would be him jumping from the helicopter that would startle her out of her sleep. Or the one where Claire was in Aaron's bedroom. Then after he'd made it of the island alive and well, those nightmares had been replaced with a new one ... Claire's angry face hovering over her with that knife to her throat, but in her dream nobody came to her rescue. Not even Locke.

Claire had nightmares too. She found that out the hard way one night after they'd moved in together. That scream that had come out of Claire's bedroom that night was one of the worst things she'd ever heard. And the look on Carole's face as they both managed to rush to her bedroom door at the same exact moment had been just as painful. But she was better now ... they all were better now. The things that happened on this island will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives but they'll have to manage somehow. After all, going to a psychiatrist wasn't really an option for them ... they had to manage on their own ... helping each other.

She smiled suddenly when she realized that she had needed that lonely man smoking on that back porch just as much as he'd needed them. Probably even more then he had needed her ... that became pretty clear to her now.

But him leaving her again to come back here to protect this hellhole ... she wondered if that would be her new nightmare once she got back home. And will it completely replace 'crazy Claire' or just be alternating?

Kate found herself restless. She just couldn't sleep; she was too fidgety with all those thoughts running through her head. Something was different. Something within her had changed. She'd told him the truth about being sick. And she'd even told him about her plans of running. And somehow ... although still in disbelieve about it all herself, she'd even told him that she might be pregnant!

This way she felt now, she just couldn't place it.

As she sat right there in the chair, with her legs pulled underneath her, watching him sleep on the ground ... she felt distant from him. Not just physically, but like she didn't know who he was anymore. He wasn't that man on the back porch anymore ... he didn't need her anymore like he had then. He'd proven that when he left her. Somehow this island had given him a purpose in life that seemed to fulfill him more than anything else. And it broke her heart all over again, that she would never be enough for him.

There is no starting over for us.

She doesn't know how long she sat there and wondered about their future together, but eventually she settled back down next to him and fell asleep. But things have to change. They needed to have a real talk about it all, she needed an answer from him, once and for all. And she would just have to accept it, whatever the answer would be.

She lowered herself onto the makeshift bed again and pushed the blankets out of his face, "Sawyer, wake up?" She shook him slightly, "Come on, wake up!"

He slowly opened his eyes and stared up at her. He drawled, "What's wrong Freckles?"

"I know how to get out of here." There was excitement in her voice.

This immediately got his attention, and he tried to sit up, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. "How?"

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should show him the tape, but instead she just explained, "There's a button in Jack's room, that makes the water disappear somehow."

"What? How do you know that?"

She reluctantly told him, "They recorded Jack, and I started to watch the tape this morning, when I couldn't sleep anymore. Anyway, he ..."

"Wait, you watched the tape with Jack on it?" he was unable to hide the jealous undertone in the question.

She had to keep herself from rolling her eyes at him, "Yes, James. I watched the tape with Jack because I was curious. Anyway, either Jack or Juliet somehow opened that same door, and the water came rushing in. And even though you can't see it on the tape, but Juliet yells at him to push the button, and then the water disappears again."

"Juliet was there?" he asked rather surprised.

"Yeah, Juliet was there." Again she had to fight the urge to show her how annoyed she was with him.

He pushed the blankets completely off of him and got up, she followed suit and watched him just stand there in silence.

"Do you wanna see it?"

"What?" he spun around to look at her.

"The tape. Do you wanna see it?"

He shook his head, "No thanks. The doc and Jules ... I guess I'll take your word for it."

Without another word Sawyer walked into the bathroom, turned the faucet on and splashed water into his face. It was more of an attempt to move past the awkwardness of the moment. Juliet and Jack ... even after all this time, they were both still a sore spot for Kate and him ... or maybe more for him then for Kate.

Kate stood there for a moment watching him. Stunt by his lack of excitement, ... is he really mad at her for watching Jacks tape? He can't be serious.

She ran out of patience and pushed the chair right underneath the vent and climbed up. She was struggling, but still managed to climb all the way up and pulled herself into the vent without his help.

Sawyer reappeared out of the bathroom, "Kate? Where the hell are you?"

She had already crawled all the way to the t-section of the vent, but came back around when she heard him call for her.

Poking her head out of the vent, "I'm going to push that button so you can get out of here?"

"Are you out of your damn mind Freckles?"

She stared at him like he had just spoken Chinese, "What is the matter with you? Don't you want to get out of here?"

He stared up at her, "'Course I wanna get out, but that's a long dive ... and if it doesn't work, what then?"

She pushed a stray curl behind her hair, "What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't want you to dive, and then the stupid button doesn't work and you ... you know what I mean Freckles." He couldn't finish the sentence. But she could read it in his eyes. He was worried about her.

Now she rolled her eyes at him, "It's not a long dive if I go in the way I came in first, down that ladder. I know I can make it. And once I'm in it ..."

"Get back down Freckles." His voice was demanding, no room for negotiation.

She raised her eyebrows at this demand, "Don't give me orders. I can do whatever I want." And with that she started to back up into the vent. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Freckles, wait. We need to talk about this, it isn't safe and you know it. I'll be fine until Ben and them show up, I'm sure there is another one of those buttons somewhere else." He tried the calmer and more reasonable approach this time.

"Look, I'm gonna go do this, whether you like it or not." And she was gone ... retrieving into the vent.

He climbed onto the chair, but he couldn't reach her ... because he couldn't climb in after her. "Freckles, if you do this...!" he gave a half-hearted warning that basically amounted to nothing.

She knew he was right there on that chair, and she wasn't stupid enough to get close enough again so that he'd pull her out. Instead she stopped and answered him from within the vent, "What James? If I do this then what? You'll leave me?" she said with a mocking sarcastic ring to her voice. And when he didn't answer, she continued "I see you in a couple minutes."

His fist hit the side of the vent opening hard, "Damn it Freckles, come back. I have to tell you something." He was almost yelling.

No answer. But he heard her still moving around in the vent.

"Freckles, listen to me. Come back." Out of desperation he yelled out what he wanted her to know for a long time, but never had the guts to tell her, "THE RING WAS MEANT FOR YOU."

Silence. No more sounds at all.

Then he heard her from a far, "What ring?" She knew what ring he was talking about, but she couldn't believe that's what he was actually saying.

"You know what ring. The one I threw into the ocean ... way back when ." He sighed, "... when we were sitting on the dock."

First he didn't hear anything. She wasn't moving anymore, but she wasn't speaking either.

Then she answered him, barely able to speak because of the tears already streaming down her face, "That's low ... even for you Sawyer." Was all he could heard.

"FRECKLES!" he yelled again one more time, but she was gone.

He climbed off the chair, picked it up and threw it across the small room.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Anger was written all over his face when he focused his attention on the monitors, checking camera after camera to see where she was at.

What the hell is she thinking? God, she is so stubborn ... won't even wait long enough to discuss this. It's a god damn suicide mission. The water has freezing temperatures, and if anything goes wrong ... if that button doesn't work, she might not make it out in time and ...

He didn't even want to finish that thought! His eyes were focused on the camera in 'Jack's room', hoping that she'd be alright. He was frustrated beyond believe ... what if something went wrong, he'd have to watch helplessly. He couldn't get out to help her ... and that thought alone was killing him!

She made it all the way to the hatch door. Hovering above the opening and staring down into the water.

If she wanted to be able to dive that far to push the button, she had to calm down again first. Big tears were still running down her face and she wiped at them furiously.

She just couldn't believe he would say such a thing, just to get her not to dive. Doesn't he understand how heartbreaking it was to hear from him that he was going to propose to Juliet? And now he would just say something like this to stop me from leaving ... that son of a bitch.

He frantically tried to open the damn door again. Eventually it unlocked, and when he opened it water came gushing in on him.

And there she was. Right outside his door. Soaked top to bottom and with a pissed off look on her face. Water still up to her thighs. First he was relieved to see that she was okay, but then that relieve turned into anger.

"What the hell where you thinking?" He screamed at her, "DAMN IT KATE, YOU COULD HAVE DROWNED!"

She came charging towards him, and pushed him back with all the strength she could muster after that exhausting dive. He toppled back a bit, unprepared for her attack and off balance due to the water that was still surrounding them. .

"You son of a bitch!" She hissed when she came charging at him again.

This time he was expecting it, but he let her have a go for it. Then he grabbed her wrists and pushed her against the wall with her arms up above her head.

"What the hell is wrong with you Freckles?" He didn't understand why she was mad at him.

"What's wrong with me?" She would have slapped him. "How can you use that ring story to keep me from diving? Out of all the things you could have said, that's what you chose to say to get me to come back?" She struggled against him.

He stared at her in awe. Didn't understand a damn thing she just said, but finally he realized what she was saying, "It wasn't just a story girl, it's the god damn truth."

Their eyes locked on each other and when her chin began to quiver and tears were pricking at her eyes she finally looked away from him, "Let go of me James." She demanded from him. Her voice full of emotion ... she could barely contain the hurt and anger she felt.

He sighed and let go of her hands, taking a step back. "Look, I'm sorry ... I know I should have told you a long time ago."

She didn't say anything. She couldn't even look at him anymore. Instead she just walked back into the security room, grabbed her things and stuffed them into her backpack.

He followed her suit, "Look, let me explain ..." he sighed, "I was upset, cause you said you only came after me to find Claire. Said you came back to the island to get Claire ... not because of me."

She wouldn't have any of it, and when she tried to leave the room, he blocked the doorway. "Hey, just let me explain." He wasn't beyond begging at this point ... but he'd never imagined she'd be this upset after all this time.

After two failed attempts of trying to get around him and out of the door, she finally looked up at him, "You don't need to explain anything to me anymore James." She shook her head, and her chin began to quiver again before she spoke, "You were right ... there is no starting over for us. You're staying and I'm leaving. This thing with us is finished."

Pain was written all over his face and the look in his eyes spoke volumes, but none of it mattered anymore.

She wiped away a tear before she spoke again, "It's finally done Sawyer. You and I are done!" With this she made another attempt to get out of the door and he just stepped aside and let her pass.

He watched her in disbelieve as she climbed up the ladder and disappeared.

She ran. She ran as fast as she could. Too afraid that he might be going after her and say something to her that would make her change her mind. He had that power over her. No matter what he'd done or said, she'd eventually forgive him ... because she felt so incredibly much for him. But not this time. She can't do this anymore. This emotional rollercoaster ride has to stop eventually. So she put an end to it, once and for all. She'll leave this place, have this baby and start a new life.

I'll be alright, won't I? After all, I've raised a baby by myself before ... I can do it again. I can give this child all the love it will ever need ... he won't even be missed at all.

Tears fell down her face. If she could only convince herself that he wouldn't be missed, when she already missed him the moment she climbed up that ladder.

Five days had passed since their fight in the security room.

They spoke the bare minimum whenever they crossed paths, which was obviously unavoidable at times. But she avoided the kitchen, showers or any other place whenever he was heading that way. She'd moved into another room altogether to sleep. Overall she made it very obvious to him, that she wanted no contact with him ... if that was at all possible.

He spent all his time working on the raft to distract himself. He'd pack food and water to last him throughout the day. He left as soon as he woke up, came back before sun down to shower, eat and go to sleep. But even with all the work, he just couldn't stop himself from thinking about her. He'd even lost his appetite, but ate anyways, just because he needed the energy to get the raft finished. Every night he'd pass the room she'd turned into her new bedroom, he stopped and wondered. Wondered if he should knock and try to talk to her, but he didn't. If she was ready to talk, she'd come to him. Wouldn't she?

She would hear his footsteps in the hall, then they would stop and she knew he was right outside her door. Every time that happened she was basically holding her breath, hoping he'd just keep on walking. She avoided him, 'cause she didn't wanna give into him once again ... and she knew she would. If he'd look at her that way, or smile at her with those darn dimples and then declare his love for her again ... she knew she would fall for it and the entire circle would start all over again.

But everything was about to change this morning ...

Kate slowly got up out of her bed and sat up. She had been laying there until she was sure that he was gone and on his way to the beach. She had waited until she heard that front door fall shut behind him. She didn't wanna run into him, so she'd patiently waited it out.

As she was looking for something to wear, she'd realized that she didn't have any clean clothes left. "Guess today will be laundry day?" she whispered to herself. Wondering immidiatly if she was starting to go insane since she was starting to talk to herself more and more lately. She piled all the dirty laundry up on the floor and pulled a t-shirt on over her head. The shirt was long enough to reach right above her knees, and she decided that it would have to do until the laundry was done. She pulled on a pair of flip flops she had found and headed for the kitchen to get something for breakfast first.

As she walked down the hallway she was thinking to herself that she was actually feeling better for the first time in days. Maybe avoiding him was the key to it all. The key to move on. But that thought vanished the moment she walked into the kitchen, when she noticed the five full water bottles sitting on the counter next to the sink.

Damn it. He forgot his water. That meant he would probably be back any moment. She hurried to get herself a bowl of cereal, determined to get back to her room before he'd show up to get his water. But it was too late.

She heard the door down the hall squeak and then she heard footsteps approaching. Determent to give him the cold shoulder, she turned her back towards the door and focused her full attention to the cereal box in front of her. But she couldn't drown him out in her head, somehow she ended up listening to the footsteps after all and that's when she realized it. The strides were different. More than one person was walking down that hall and it didn't sound like Sawyer's footsteps at all.

But right in that moment. Right when she came to that realization, she got hit into the back of the head with something. Everything went grey as her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. She opened her eyes one last time and she saw a man leaning over her. Panic was rising in her, but she was helpless. "Who do we have here? This island was suppose to be deserted!" he said before he hit her over the head with the butt of his gun one more time.

She couldn't stop it from happening when her eyes rolled back into her head ... the pain of the blow to her skull too much.

She was out cold!

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	30. Chapter 30 Ironic, ain't it?

"Son of a bitch", he muttered to himself in frustration, after he'd opened his backpack.

How did I not notice that the damn thing didn't way half a ton today with the water missing?

He was contemplating to go back right away, but then decided against it. He'd go back once he'd get thirsty, and he wasn't yet.

He examined the raft, walking around it with his chest pushed out just a little with pride. He'd actually build something with his own two hands ... with no help from her or anybody else. And no Lowes or Home Depot to get the supplies from either.

Of course it wasn't anywhere near the size or dimension of Michaels raft, but it was only suppose to bring him and her back to the main Island ... and it sure as hell was more than good enough for that.

He went to work on the few little details left to do ... making sure every wire he'd knotted was going to hold. And that the sheet he'd used for a sail wasn't going to rip once the wind would catch it. He pulled and tugged around on every little thing, making sure it wasn't going to give away once it'd make it out to sea.

The sun was already sitting high in the sky even though the day had just begun. There was not a cloud in sight and he wondered if he should go and let Kate know that they could actually leave this place today. He'd probably be done with everything in less than an hour. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd been stalling because he was afraid to leave here before they'd managed to make up again in some way or another.

He'd been thinking about what she'd said ... that they are done. He knew she was right ... there was no way around the issue. They both had to cope and come to terms with it all. But how do you go about moving on from the love of your life? And she's pregnant with your child? He seemed to have tried time and again to get over her. And here he was 4 years older and still none the wiser.

He got startled out of his thoughts when he heard a voice from the past.

"James."

Sawyer snapped his head around. Seeing him was one thing, but hearing him actually speak was a whole other story.

"Well, well, well ... You've finally got the balls to actually talk to me instead of just stalking me? And hell, it ain't even dark out yet, how about that?" He couldn't help the condescending tone in his voice ... He'd been waiting for the damn Doc to finally come out and say what he's been 'haunting' him for since they'd gotten to this island.

Jack's face showed pain and Sawyer immediately registered the meaning it might held, "What is it Jack?"

"They got her?"

Sawyer stood up quickly. His own face expressing concern now, "Who's got her? What the hell are you talking about?"

He didn't even wait for Jack to answer him when he reached for his gun in the back of his pants to make sure it was fully loaded. Then he rifled through his pack and put another round of ammo in his jeans pocket.

"I'm not sure who they are, but I think they're going to hurt her."

Sawyer pulled his pack on in one quick smooth motion, "Lead the way doc." He tried his best to not let Jack see how his words were affecting him. If something was going to happen to her because he's been stalling, he'd never forgive himself. His blood was near the boiling point, but he had to keep a clear mind right now if she was really in some kind of danger.

Jack led the way and Sawyer followed suit.

Grouching down in the bushes, they watched a group of 6 men stand around in a huddle in front of the cages. All of them were armed, some with handguns, some with rifles. Sawyer scanned the cages, but they were empty. Kate was nowhere to be seen.

"Who do you think they are?" Jack whispered.

"Hurley said people would show up trying to take over this damn rock, but that wasn't supposed to happen for another month or so. Kate was supposed to be long gone before then." Sawyer whispered back. "Guess new Jacobs radar is off by a month or so."

He looked at Jack with concerned eyes, "Where did they take her?"

"They brought her down into a room across the hall from where the others kept me that time."

Sawyer looked confused, "Why didn't they just stick her in here?" Waving his gun towards the cages for emphasis.

Jack looked away before he answered, focusing his full attention on the group of men ahead of them, "They wanted ... privacy." He now glanced back at Sawyer.

Sawyer's forehead was wrinkled, his eyebrows furrowed, "Privacy? For what?"

Jack just gave him a look that not only spoke volumes, but also sent chills down Sawyers spine. "Hell no," Sawyer muttered, and without another word both men took off towards the other building. Trying their best to remain unnoticed, and for the time being they did.

They'd made it into the cold and dreary looking hallway and Jack showed him which room he'd watched them bring her to. Both men hesitated for a brief moment, preparing themselves for what they might find behind this door.

Sawyer held his gun in his left hand when he slowly lowered the big metallic handle to pry the door open. He sighed when he saw her lying on a table alone.

Her hands and feet were bound to the side of the table, leaving her in a compromising position. The thought of what they might have done to her made him nauseous, but there was no time for that now.

He rushed to her side, pulled a pocket knife out and started to cut the ropes around her wrists and ankles. She was only wearing a big oversized t-shirt, it made him wonder if they'd grabbed her in her sleep.

"She's unconscious." Jack blurted out.

"No shit, doc." Sawyer spat back before he tried to sit her up. "Hey sugar, wake up." His voice comforting all of a sudden, a stark contrast to the way he'd just answered Jack.

She didn't move.

"You need to check if she's hurt?" Jack chimed in.

"How about we get her the hell out of here first, doc."

He placed his gun on the table, made sure she was wearing underwear, and then swung her over his shoulder like he had done that time at the beach. "Sorry sweetheart, I know you don't like to be carried this way, but there's no way around it now." He grabbed the gun again and headed for the door. "If you'd wake up, baby, I'll even let you yell at me for it. Hell, if you wake up right now I might even let you take a swing at me." He added as if she could actually hear him.

Jack just looked at him in awe. He seemed stunned by the lightheartedness with which Sawyer seemed to handle this situation. Sawyer startled him out of his thoughts.

"Since you can't do nothing but be invisible on cue, how 'bout you make yourself useful and see if the coast is clear doc."

Jack just nodded and disappeared right in front of him. Sawyer still had to blink a few times, we was never going to get used to that ... ever! That's when he heard a noise outside in the hallway. Jack appeared back in the room out of thin air.

"They're coming for her ... now!" He whispered.

"How many?" Sawyer whispered back.

"Two ... with guns."

"Damn it." He mumbled under his breath, still holding Kate over his right shoulder, with his gun in his left hand.

He sighed, and casted one last look at Jack. Both men exchanged words with just one look. If anything happened to Sawyer, she'd be left helpless to these savages ... and neither of them wanted that to happen. After all this time, they'd finally managed to agree on something.

He quickly placed her back on the table, in the same position they'd found her just moments ago. He didn't bother tying the ropes again, just draped them around to make them look like they were. He just wanted to create the illusion that she was still all alone. He pressed himself against the wall behind the door when it opened. His finger was twitching on the trigger of the gun when the first man stepped into the room. But he knew there were two of them, and he had wait until both of them were inside.

"Well, would you look at that? She's still knocked out? Didn't think I hit her that hard." An older bearded man said while mocking a concerned tone.

That's when the second man stepped in, sighed and said looking at Kate with an mischievous smile on his face, "I bet'cha she's a hellcat. Might be worth waiting 'till she's up and tries to fight it." Both men laughed and then he added, "If you know what I mean."

That was all that Sawyer could take. His eyes pitch-black with hatred when he fired two shots. The first guy got struck by the bullet right between his eyes, the second took it to the side of his skull. Both men were dead on impact.

"Good aim." Jack chimed in, as he watched Sawyer pick Kate up once again.

"Guess I do have it when it matters."

Jack went ahead of him and gave him an all clear, as they tried to make their way out of the building again ... unnoticed.

He'd made it into the jungle with her, hiding out in the same old hiding spot from all those years ago. The one Alex had dug out.

He had been running. Afraid someone might have heard the shots being fired and was on their tails. But apparently nobody had heard the shots, and apparently no one was missing the two men yet either. He didn't want to ponder the thoughts as to why nobody was missing them yet.

As he leaned back against the corner of the hide out. Warm earth surrounding him, sweat pouring down his back. Little beats of sweat dripping from his long hair. His heart was still racing and his breathing was still frantic as he held her in his arms. So tightly as if someone was still trying to snatch her from him. His chest was still heaving up and down when he rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes for a brief moment. Then he opened his eyes again and looked at her ... stared at her actually. She looked so innocent when she was like this. She looked like an angel; he thought ... his stupid heart beating like a drum in his chest.

He gently pulled the shirt down around her to cover her as much as possible. Even though she looked like she was sleeping, he knew better and wished she would finally wake up.

The way she'd been tied down to that table. He hated seeing her like that. So helpless. Up for the taking ... it made his stomach curl. He lifted his head to glance over at Jack, who was sitting in the opposite corner across from him.

James swallowed his pride and whispered, "Thank you."

Jack just nodded in understanding, then looked away.

They both just sat in silence for a while, hoping that she would wake up soon.

Sawyer broke the silence, "Can I ask you something doc?" Both of them still whispering.

"Go ahead."

Sawyer seemed clearly uncomfortable. He didn't really know how to form this question without giving away that he was talking about Kate. But he already knew that no matter how he'd ask this question, Jack would know anyways. So after a few moments he gave up and just asked it flat out.

"She's late and we ... well ... I was just wondering if there could be other reasons why she might be late?"

Jack sat up a little straighter ... he hadn't expected an actual medical question of the sorts.

Sawyer watched him patiently awaiting an answer, wondering for a moment if he'd been too vague in his choice of words, so he added, "I meant other reasons besides her having a bun in the oven."

"I know what you meant." Jack answered, then cleared his throat before he continued. "There's always other possibilities, but the most likely would be pregnancy." He swallowed again, "How late is she?"

Sawyer completely ignored the question and asked again, "Like what other reasons?"

Jack seemed a little annoyed of not getting his question answered, but just decided for now to answer Sawyers. "Stress, that's a very common one ... You'd be surprised how many of the women came to me after the crash, asking me about that."

Sawyer looked up again at Jack, "Was Kate one of them?" He already figured that she wasn't.

Jack almost chuckled, "No, she never came to me for any medical advice ... well, except that one time when she brought you to me and after Sun took the pregnancy test. She'd come to me then with Sun to ask how accurate those tests are." Jack shook his head to himself, wondering why he'd even mentioned why Kate had brought Sun to him. Sawyer was quiet.

Sawyer couldn't stop looking at her, but dragged his eyes away from her again to talk to Jack, "Since we're on the subject. How accurate are those tests?"

"A positive is a positive. But a negative can still be a positive."

Sawyer seemed unaffected by the answer and met his eyes again, "Stress, huh? What else?"

Jack thought about it for a moment, "Oral contraceptives ..."

"English doc." Sawyer looked annoyed.

"Birth control pills, some can cause missing periods."

Sawyer seemed to think about that for a moment. Wondering if she might not be pregnant. After all, she'd had her share of stress, considering the cancer and her plan to run. And she was taking birth control pills. Why did that thought actually make him feel worse? He never thought he'd want kids, not really!

Jack interrupted his thoughts with his question again, "How late is she?"

Sawyer had to think about it for a moment, he got distracted by a stray curl that he gently pushed out of her face again. The last time she'd had it was about a month before he'd left. Then she showed up here about three and a half weeks later. She's been here for two weeks. "About nine weeks, give or take." He answered.

"She's nine weeks late?" Jack asked in a shocked kind of way.

Sawyer pulled her against him a little tighter again, "Nine weeks since she had it last time ... guess that'll make her what ... 'bout five weeks late?"

Both men just stared at each other ... uncomfortable and awkward, which would be the best words to describe them discussing Kate's cycle while she was lying unconscious in Sawyers arms.

And Sawyer might be a redneck but he wasn't an idiot, pretty much immediately after he'd figured out that it had been five weeks already, he'd realized she'd missed her period not just once but twice by now. He gently kissed her forehead, as if he and she were the only people in the world. As if he forgot Jack was right there, looking smug and concerned at the same time.

"So what are you going to do?" Jack brought him out of his thoughts.

"'bout what doc?"

Jack rolled his eyes, and for some odd reason it almost resembled Kate's infamous eye-rolls ... he must be losing his mind if Jack started to remind him of Kate. "The pregnancy. What are you going to do about it?"

Sawyers eyes grew evil at what he thought the doc was implying, "Don't see how that's any of your damn business doc."

Jack sighed and looked away, clearly thinking about it for a moment before he answered, "You're right ... it's not my problem Sawyer."

"Glad to hear we agree on that, but just fyi Jackass, my wife having my baby ain't ever going to be a problem."

Jack stared him down for a moment. And it was obvious to see that he was contemplating to answer. Thinking about putting his two cents in, but he then suddenly looked away and to Sawyers surprise didn't say anything else.

Quite some time had passed, neither of them talking. You could almost cut the tension with a knife at this point. To Sawyers surprise Jack broke the silence.

"My wife ..." he corrected himself, "... my ex-wife was late once ... thought she might be pregnant. She took a test, but it was negative." Jack just stared straight ahead, staring into empty space, not meeting Sawyers eyes.

Sawyer watched him suspiciously. Then Jack chuckled in his nervous annoying way that he did and said, "I was relieved. I just couldn't see myself being a good dad ... couldn't see myself being a dad at all."

Sawyer looked at him confused, "An' you're telling me this why?"

Jack now looked at him and answered as honest as he could, "I don't know."

Silence again for a few moments until Sawyer spoke up.

"I have a daughter."

Jacks head snapped towards him, obviously surprised by his admission. But he refrained from saying anything.

He didn't know why he felt the need to say it, maybe because he'd never admitted it out loud to anyone ... so why not admit it to a god damn ghost? "Didn't think I'll be any good at it either. Hell ... I thought I'd be the worst ... but she actually likes me."

He swallowed hard, his eyes casting down at Kate again, "Couple month ago she actually said she loved me." He smiled a sad smile before he added, "She just stood there on her front porch when I dropped her off at her moms, stretched her arms out as far as they'd go and said 'Dad, I love you this much' ... can you believe that?" he looked up at Jack now.

To his surprise Jack just nodded in agreement and said, "I believe it." Not a trace of sarcasm in his admission, which surprised Sawyer.

He didn't know why he said it, not that it would make a damn difference ... after all, the guy was dead. "You would too ... be a alright dad, I mean."

That had pretty much been the end of their conversation. Leave things be on a good note. For once.

They'd been in the hole for almost an hour, at least that was Sawyers best estimate. Kate was breathing normally, her pulse seemed steady, but she still wasn't waking up. But other than that she seemed fine.

Sawyer finally broke the awkward silence that had transpired between them, "I'm going to have to kill them all." He said with such a nonchalant way to his voice that it caused Jack to look at him surprised again.

"What about her?" Jack nodded towards Kate in Sawyers arms.

To Sawyer that seemed like a ridiculous question, but he answered it anyways, "I'll leave her here. You come an' get me if she wakes up or if anyone's coming this way."

Jack just nodded in agreement, and Sawyer seemed surprised that the doc wasn't arguing about his plan at all.

He gently placed Kate on the ground, propping her head up with his backpack and pulling the shirt down again to cover her up. He kissed her forehead ... sweet and innocent. Then he turned his attention to Jack, "I'll be back."

But before he was able to push the bamboo grid like cover open to climb out, Jack stopped him, "You know, she can't see me or hear me ... if she wakes up ... I can't tell her what is going on. I can't do anything for her."

"I know." He wanted to add something about Jack being completely worthless as usual, but he bit his tongue ... after all, if it hadn't been for Jack he'd probably still be down at the beach checking the same damn knots on the raft for the third time to stall leaving today.

Sawyer stood up straight, pushing the bamboo cover high above his head with one hand while he climbed out of hiding. He glanced back down at Jack and then at Kate one last time, before he closed it slowly to not make any obvious noise.

Later that day

She finally woke up. Her eyes fluttering open and shut a few times from the bright sunlight hitting her face. Panic came over her and she tried to sit up fast when she realized she was surrounded by nothing but the ocean.

"Was 'bout time you woke up from your beauty sleep, princess!" His soft southern drawl put her immediately at ease. Her body relaxed in response, she sighed loudly in relief and turned her head towards his voice. She knew right away that she was safe with him here. Their eyes met and both of them couldn't help but smile at each other.

"What happened?" she questioned him, propping herself up to a sitting position, looking confused out at the ocean ... staring at their island ahead of them in the distance. Then she turned, but the waves where too high, she couldn't see Hydra Island from where she was.

"I was just 'bout to ask you the same damn thing?" he glanced at her, and she could tell right away that he was trying hard to sound unconcerned, but she caught it. Knew him too well by now. He was concerned.

Her muscles were aching all over, and she was still wearing her oversized shirt from this morning ... but it was damp. Her head was hurting too and she reached for the source of the pain. The bump on the back of her head where that guy had hit her. She winced in pain when she touched it.

"Wouldn't mess with it if I were you. Just leave it be." He stated, but he didn't add that that's what the Doc had said. "So are you gonna tell me?"

She spun around again to look at him, then stared straight ahead to the other island, "I was in the kitchen, getting cereal. I heard the door, thought it was you. Next thing I know I got hit in the head. Then some guy leaned over me and mumbled something about the island ... That's all I remember."

He sighed loudly. Loud enough to make her turn and look at him, then she asked, "So are you gonna tell me?"She mocked him with the same question.

Shit. He knew she was going to ask him, but he'd never actually wondered how he'd tell her until just now. He'd been too occupied wondering if and when she'd wake up, it hadn't even crossed his mind what he'd tell her.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" he spat out as if he was asking her about the weather.

She turned around completely now, facing him with her entire body. Tugging her legs under her and pulling the shirt down as far as she could, "What? Why?" Had he seen Juliet, she wondered.

He swallowed before he answered, "Jack ... well, his ghost appeared at the beach, told me you were in trouble." Their eyes locked and he could see the confusion in hers.

"Jack?" she asked not believing him. Shaking her head. "He's dead, Sawyer." She added to point out the obvious.

He raised his eyebrows at her, and said in a mocking tone of voice, "You don't say ... I said his ghost, didn't I?"

Now she rolled her eyes at him. Not even five minutes together and he already had her doing the eye-roll.

"What? You think I'm crazy?" He asked her annoyed now.

She just looked at him in disbelieve ... but after all, it wouldn't be the craziest thing she'd ever heard happening on this island.

A few seconds passed. "No." she finally answered back, glancing behind Sawyer, trying to get a glimpse of Hydra Island again. But she still couldn't see it.

He noticed her looking past him, "You can't see him." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"What?" Their eyes met again.

"For whatever reason, only I can see him." He chuckled, "Ironic, ain't it? Didn't even wanna see the guy when he was still alive."

She stayed quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about something, then she said, "What about Hurley? He can see him too, can't he?"

"Hurley? ... Probably."

A few minutes passed again until she asked, "Then what? What else happened back there?"

He sighed, suddenly focusing his full attention to the raft and the sea ahead. He frowned and avoided her eyes burning a hole into him, "Found you tied up. Got you out of there. Went back and killed the rest of 'em. Got us on this raft and ... well, here we are."

She swallowed, wondering if she should ask for more detail, instead she just asked, "So, they're all dead?"

"Yup."

She didn't say anything for a while. Her eyes casting down at her own hands, holding onto the raft.

"I'm glad you finally woke up though."

She looked up at him again, the corners of her lips forming a half-smile.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her now, seemed like forever they'd been this close after their little shout-out a week ago. He smiled mischievously when he added, "Thought I might have to kiss you 'wake like Cinderella."

A smile plastered over her face ... she couldn't have stopped it, even if she'd tried, "You as the prince charming? Good thing I woke up on my own then."

He tightened the sail a bit, shifting it to catch the wind better, "Or too bad that you did." Looking at her for a reaction.

When she smiled and slightly blushed as her eyes tried to avoid his, he couldn't help himself and smiled too. A big fat dimple smile, thinking to himself 'Yeah, she still loves me.'

"You thirsty? Or hungry, sweetheart?"

"Yeah." She answered and looked up at him once again.

He held out his hand, and when she took it, he pulled her up and towards him.

"Hold this." He handed her the rope, so she did as she was told. Standing up now, she got a full view of the raft he'd build ... and to her surprise, she found herself impressed.

He rifled through some bag on the ground, fishing out some food and a water bottle for her. She noticed that one of the bags was her back pack from her room, and there were also a bunch of clothes in a pile that he must have grabbed in a hurry for her.

She smiled at him, when he noticed that she'd noticed the pile of clothes. He smiled back, "Thought you might be more comfy with some damn pants on, girl."

He took the rope again and she reached for the first pair within reach, sat down and pulled them on. She stood back up and closed her button and zipper. She was just about to pull the t-shirt off, but then stopped and looked at him.

"Jack ... he's not here now, is he?"

Sawyer shook his head, "No, he ain't here. He disappeared when I was loadin' up the raft."

Without another word she pulled the oversized shirt off, not even bothered by his eyes on her and pulled on the first tank top that she saw.

His heart rate had immediately picked up a notch or two when he saw her pull that shirt off of her head. His fingers itched to touch her, pull her into him ... but he had enough self control ... for now any ways.

They switched positions again and both of them sat down after he'd tied the rope to the mast. He watched her eat. She didn't seem to mind his eyes on her ... after all this time they'd spend together, she'd gotten used to the fact that he enjoyed to watch her eat.

"So what now?" She startled him with her question in between bites.

He looked out towards the ocean, pointing and said, "Figured we head straight for the nearest shore. And walk from there."

She licked some food off of her finger then said with her eyebrows furrowed, "Dharmaville's all the way on the north side of the island." She pointed to where he'd pointed just a minute ago, "That's the south side. It'll take us forever to get back there on foot."

He looked up at the sun, then back at her. "Look honey, we only got a couple hours of daylight left. I can't steer this thing in the dark, we have to get to shore asap." Didn't we have this argument before, he thought.

She huffed in annoyance and looked up at him, "But now we know that we won't drift out to sea, we'll end up north eventually."

"The winds gonna pick up, the waves are only gonna get higher at night, and once the sun's gone we're gonna freeze our asses off out here. And just because we can't drift off, doesn't mean we can't drown sugarpop."

"You jumped out of a chopper and made it back to shore alright."

"That was the middle of the day, not at night. And even then, the waves were so damn high, I couldn't even see at first if I was even swimming in the right direction. For a while there I thought I might be swimming out to sea instead of back to shore. It's gonna be even harder to tell when it's pitch black out."

She realized that made sense.

Then he added, "And what about you? How are you gonna get back to shore?"

She looked offended, "I swam all the way to the boat after jumping off a cliff with a bullet hole in my shoulder ... I think I can manage." She added for good measure.

He couldn't help that smirk that formed on his face. Damn, she was stubborn ... he'd missed arguing with her about as much as he'd missed loving on her ... almost.

"Oh really, you'll manage?" He mocked her, "And that's coming from the girl that spend more time past out then awake since she'd gotten here."

"I got hit in the head." She tried to defend herself. "And so did you Sawyer! Remember Drake?" She smiled like she'd just won this argument.

"I'm not even talking about today. I'm talking about back in Dharmaville. And on the beach on Hydra Island a week ago. Nobody hit you in the head then, but you just passed out. You really wanna take your chances in the ocean with that?" he looked at her as if he really wanted an answer.

She frowned now and looked away, embarrassed that he called her out like that. Then she grabbed her backpack and started to look through it. She dug out the little plastic brown bottle, opened it and took a few drops with the dropper onto her tongue.

Sawyer watched her curiously, "What's that?"

She didn't wanna tell him at first, 'cause she was still annoyed that he might be right about the whole passing out thing. She sighed and then answered him anyways, "The doctor gave me these, they're suppose to help with stabilizing my blood pressure."

He gave her a funny look, like he didn't know what that meant. Then she added, "So I don't pass out all the time."

He smiled and just nodded, ... so he was right. He knew it and she knew it too.

She finished her food and her water in record time, then she said, "Do you expect me to hike through the jungle barefoot?" her tone almost accusatory.

He chuckled at her defiance, leaned into her and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her. But instead he just reached passed her, picking up one of the bags from the pile in the middle of the raft and revealed her boots. He handed them to her in silence.

She just looked embarrassed, then grabbed the rolled up pair of socks out of the boot and put them on.

He watched her for a moment, but after she didn't say anything he said, "You're welcome."

She blushed slightly, glanced up at him and smiled, "Thank you."

She wanted to climb into his lap right then and there. He'd thought of everything. The raft was holding up. Food, water, her backpack with her passport in it. Clothes and shoes. She was really impressed.

They'd managed to walk quite a bit. Her body was still aching, but she tried her best to keep up with him.

He'd noticed her slacking and slowed down on purpose so she could keep up. Both of their backpacks filled with as much as they could possibly carry.

She stopped and grouched down when she noticed her boot had gotten untied. He turned around and slowly took a few steps backwards, "Come on girl, hurry up. It's gonna get dark soon, we gotta keep going as long as we can see where we're at."

She tied her shoestrings carefully, double knotted them so they wouldn't open up again, not even bothering to look up at him. It wasn't like she was stalling on purpose.

Sawyer watched her impatiently, still taking slow steps backwards. Kate was finally done, got up and started walking towards him.

"Finally." He huffed.

She looked up and was just about to say something equally annoying back, but instead she yelled, "Sawyer, watch out."

He didn't stop fast enough, turned around though and she ran over to him in an attempt to help him, but failed miserably.

A loud swoosh sound was heard, both of them yanked hard off the ground and hurled up into the air like they were in some kind of catapult.

The ropes around them tightly. Her face pressed against his chest. Her breath frantic from her sprint in her attempt to safe him.

"SON OF A BITCH."

They were caught in a net!

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	31. Chapter 31 You hurt me

The net was slowly stopping to spin now.

"You okay Freckles?" He said, his voice soft and concerned.

She answered just as softly, but still breathing heavily, "Yeah. You?" She glanced up at him.

He met her eyes, "I'm just peachy." He looked around, before he continued with an angry tone to his voice now, much to Kate's surprise, "What the hell where you thinking Freckles?"

She was confused, "What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about that you saw me walking into a damn trap." Every word after that was just dripping with sarcasm, "So naturally you run towards me? To get trapped with me? Where the hell was your head girl? You should've stayed where you were, and then it would only be me dangling from a god damn tree instead of the both of us, sweet cheeks."

She shook her head lightly, looking at him as if he was a total idiot, "You cannot be serious. You're mad at me? You're the one who triggered the damn trap in the first place. And you call yourself 'Head of Security'?"

He rolled his eyes at her in annoyance, but she continued, "Oh, and don't think I don't know why you didn't notice the trap either."

"Well, hell, Sherlock, why don't you tell me why I didn't notice the trap ... can't wait to hear this one." Since she hadn't looked up once while tying her shoe, he figured that she hadn't really noticed.

She stared up at him.

No way he is going to blame this on me.

"I was bending down to tie my boot, and you walked backwards so you could stare down my shirt, that's why? Isn't it?"

He tried not to smirk, but he couldn't help himself. He would have raised his hands in a surrendering kind of gesture, but due to the damn net he couldn't, so he said, "All right sassafras, you got me ... Holy smokes Batgirl, husband checking out his wife's rack. Better alert the media ... And just so we're clear on it Sweetcheeks, whenever you're walkin' ahead of me, I'm always checkin' out your ass ... every damn time. I don't wanna shock you too much, but I gotta confess girl ... I did it even before we were hitched."

"I already knew that." She snapped back, biting her lip in an attempt to keep herself from smiling. "But still, I can't believe you're blaming me for this. I ran towards you 'cause I didn't know it was a net that would go up. I thought maybe something would hit you or ... kill you." She dared not to look up at him.

Hell, now he felt like a total ass for yelling at her a moment ago, but in his mind it still didn't make any sense and he just couldn't help himself, he just had to tell her so. "Even then, you shouldn't have ran towards me, especially if you thought something was gonna come down to hit me. That really wasn't the smart thing to do and you damn well know it."

Now she looked up at him again, "So you're saying that if roles had been reversed, you wouldn't have run towards me? You would have been 'smarter' and would have watched to see what would happen to me?"

He sighed, "That's different."

"How is that different Sawyer? Me trying to safe you is stupid, but you trying to safe me is not. That is what you're saying, isn't it?" she held her gaze on him, not budging ... she felt she was right and if he thought that he was, he'd have to explain himself for once.

"It's different because ..." He sighed in frustration for being cornered, but he couldn't really back down from this argument now either. " ... because you're a woman, that's why it's different."

Her mouth dropped open before she answered, "I can't believe you just said that."

"Well, honey, I just did." He added, but he already knew where this was going to go ... and he had a feeling that he was going to lose the argument after all.

"What makes you think that just because I'm a woman, I need saving? And because you're a man, you don't?"

This isn't going to end well. And if he was any smarter he would have kept his lips and tongue from moving. If he was a smart man he would have shut the hell up right about now, ... but he wouldn't. He just couldn't.

"Women are more fragile than men." He stated it as if it was a fact that couldn't be argued with. Like the sun comes up in the morning and the moon comes out at night. Like he was saying the oceans salty and the sky's blue.

She sighed and then took in a deep breath, closing her eyes trying to calm herself. If she'd been a cartoon character, you would've seen steam coming out of her ears and nostrils. She was fighting the urge to knee him in the groin, just to show him who's more fragile. But she didn't ... there just wasn't enough room for him to buckle over.

"You are just like my dad." She blurted out in frustration.

He looked confused, "What?" His voice a pitch higher then normally. Then he added, "I am not." As if being compared to Sam Austen was some kind of insult.

She wanted to cross her arms, but she couldn't ... no room ... which frustrated her even more. So instead she hooked a few fingers through the net on either side of her, not wanting her hands to linger on him while she was this angry with him. "Yes you are. My dad also seems to think that women are more fragile ... says they shouldn't be in combat situations. He says women should never come home in caskets draped with flags."

"Huh? I wouldn't wanna see anybody coming home in a damn casket, no matter if you're a guy or a girl. But if you wanna fight for your country, you should be allowed to do so." He paused for just a second. "Hell, that's like saying women shouldn't be allowed to be cops either."

He huffed looking down at her. "Didn't peg your dad for a male chauvinist. Thought you'd told me that he was the one who taught you how to shoot and track and all that stuff?"

She'd calmed down a little bit, "Yeah, he did, but that was just for hunting. When it comes to the army and combat stuff ... Well, I guess you could call him a chauvinist when it concerns that kind of stuff. But after everything you and I've been through together, I didn't peg you to be one. You know damn well that I can hold my own." Her lips pushed out a little as if she was pouting.

And he could see how desperate she wanted his approval on this. He didn't know why, but she apparently wanted him to say that she was in fact 'one of the guys'. And he was about to say something like that ... mainly to make her feel better. Screw the damn argument, he'd lose it this time if it made her feel better ... but either way, he got distracted by the view down her shirt and her pouty lip sticking out.

And he loved it, glancing down at her. He just wanted to take that lip and suck on it. Nibble on it a little and tease her before giving her a mind blowing kiss. Then his thoughts trailed off, wondering where that kiss might lead. Picturing his hands working their way under her shirt.

"Would you stop staring down my shirt now?" Her pissed off voice snapped him out of his daydream.

"Ain't my fault you picked such a low cut shirt, Pam. I brought more than one to choose from. But I gotta tell ya' sweetheart ... the view from up here ain't bad at all." His southern drawl and that mischievous smirk of his made goose bumps appear all over her arms.

She shook her head slightly, "You are unbelievable!"

He couldn't help himself, he just had to tease her every chance he got, especially since he knew she couldn't just leave him ... for once, she couldn't run at all. "Last time you've said that to me we were also tangled up in something, weren't we Sweetheart?" He smirked at her again, "In sheets though, not in a damn net, remember?"

She raised her chin enough to look at him again, and in her eyes he saw that she wasn't in the mood for joking anymore.

Time to surrender, "Alright girl, I take it back."

"You're taking what back?" She demanded an answer ... or maybe she just wanted to hear him say the words out loud.

He cleared his throat in an exaggerated kind of way before he spoke again, "Women ..." He corrected himself, "Some women are not more fragile than men. Happy now?"

"No, I'm not happy now." She frowned at him, looking still as pissed off as she had been just a second ago. "It doesn't mean anything unless you actually mean it James."

"I do mean it honey, every damn word."

"Oh really?"

"Ahhh, come on ... you know damn well I was just teasin' ya'! If I had my pick at anyone, man or woman, to hide out in a damn foxhole with, you'd always be my first choice G.! We're a team, remember?"

Her facial features were softening a bit, and he could see her biting back a smile but she was still looking up at him with those beautiful green eyes of hers ... wanting more. Needing more.

His own facial expression got serious and when he actually thought about it for a second, he realized he did really mean it ... now it was just a matter of convincing her of that too.

"Look Freckles, all jokes aside. I know what you can do. I've seen you shoot a gun. I've seen you jump off a god damn cliff. If there was a dangerous mission to sign up for somewhere, you'd be the first one jumping up and down with your hand above your head yelling 'pick me, pick me'. I've seen you do some crazy shit the toughest sons o' bitches wouldn't do ... so yeah, I do think most girls are more fragile but you damn sure ain't one of 'em!"

She beamed at him like a kid in a candy store, "You really mean that."

"What? You want me to give it to you in writing? Hell, why don't we stop by the next bank and get it notarized while we're at it?" he snapped back. He was annoyed with himself that she could wrap him around her finger this easily with that pitiful look in her eyes and those pouty lips.

She didn't answer him, but from the look on her face she was clearly satisfied and happy with what he'd said.

'Shut up while you're ahead' ... that little voice in the back of his mind was telling him. But as usually he decided to ignore it and spoke up anyways, "But I still think you shouldn't have run towards me when you saw me walk into the trap."

She frowned again and was just about to start this entire argument all over again when he stopped her before she could speak. "Just hear me out girl ... I'm serious about this."

His eyes were locked on hers, making sure she saw just how serious he was about it. "If you really are pregnant, then you can't be pullin' that kinda shit anymore."

She was stunned. Speechless. Hadn't expected him to actually go there. But he wasn't even done yet.

"Can't be runnin' towards traps or nets or ... gunfire. Can't be jumpin' off cliffs or climbin' up a tree like some damn monkey. Can't be diving into ice-cold water to push some god damn button. Can't be doin' none of that shit anymore, Mamacita." He swallowed but still didn't take his eyes off of hers, "You wouldn't do any of those things with Aaron in your arms, so you shouldn't be doin' it now. Just in case ..." His voice trailed off and he finally looked away. He didn't finish the sentence but she knew what he meant.

She stared up at him, then looked away herself. Still speechless. She didn't know what to make of his little speech just now ... because everything he'd said actually made sense. She would never ever put Aaron in danger like that ... but then again Aaron was living, breathing ... Aaron was a human being. Aaron was real. This baby wasn't real. There might not even be a baby at all. But what if there was?

She was just in awe that he'd actually worry about the 'maybe-baby', and she hadn't worried at all.

Could he possibly be a better parent than me? Worrying about the kid before he or she's even here?

After she didn't say anything, he continued, "So you can be pissed off at me all you want, babe, but that's my opinion and I'm sticking with it."

She just couldn't look at him right now, because she was embarrassed. She was embarrassed because he was right, and she was wrong ... and she actually saw that now too.

She finally decided to answer him. Swallowing her pride, "I'm not mad!" Her voice trailed off for a second, " ... You're right James. I should be more careful."

He tried to not let her see his 'victory smile'. They both were equally stubborn and he knew she hated nothing more than to be proven wrong. So for her to admit to being wrong ... hell might have just frozen over and any minute a pig would be flying circles around their net.

"Alright girl, how about we stop with the small talk and get the hell out of this thing. My gun's in the back of my jeans. Think you can reach?" He looked down at her.

She looked up and just nodded. Relieved that he hadn't rubbed it in for once.

Her small hands were snaking their way in between the net and him. She could hear Franks voice in the back of her head saying, "Déjà vu, huh?" This scenario was obviously familiar to her, but she wasn't going to tell him that. His fragile ego wouldn't be able to handle it. Fragile ... ha, she smirked to herself.

Her fingers had reached his back. The net wasn't pressing into her hands there, but was still pressing against her arms. Limiting her mobility. As for her hands? The heavy backpack he was wearing was adding some difficulty there instead.

Her fingers were slowly but persistently working their way under his shirt. He grunted in that low throaty way in response to her touch. That way that made her inside turn to mush, her cheeks flush and her body temperature rise all at the same time. But she knew it wasn't an involuntary kinda thing ... he knew damn well what he was doing to her with that sound.

She couldn't feel that way for him now, she told herself that. She can't go there again ... and again. Wanting him was wrong. There was no future with each other. So there should be no sex with each other either.

Her fingertips grazing his skin. Not tenderly. No, not really. More like nervous fumbling. Trying to get a good enough grip on that gun to pull it out of the back of his pants. It should all have been fairly simple, but it wasn't at all. The net, the backpack, her heart rate, his intoxicating smell and then that stupid grunt and groan thing he does ... all and all it wasn't easy at all. It was difficult, frustrating and ... exhilarating. She wanted to stop reaching for the gun and try to get his shirt off instead.

Focus Kate, focus!

And just when she thought she had it, he did it again. The grunt that made her heart skip a beat and the heat buildup between her thighs. The result of it ... she lost her grip on the gun.

"Could you stop that?" She huffed annoyed, barely able to speak as her entire body was pressed into him not only by the net, but also to be able to reach around him for the gun. She wondered for a split second if he could feel her heart race.

"Stop what Sweetheart?" He knew exactly what she meant.

"The audio commentary." She snapped back.

He let out the chuckle he had tried to hold back. "I'm holdin' back best I can, Freckles." And he wasn't lying at all, because his hands were itching to find their way under her shirt in response to her touching him. Instead he had his fingers grabbing a hold of the net above her head, trying to make room for her to maneuver her arms around him.

It was always a bad idea when both of them seemed to be thinking the same dirty thoughts. So she ignored his words and the obvious meaning behind them and finally managed to get a good grip on the gun.

She handed it to Sawyer without an argument. Both of them leaned back against the net as far as they could, and he took out the magazine while she looked on.

"You only have one bullet left?" she asked in surprise.

He pushed the magazine back in, and it clicked into place. He raised his eyes from the gun to meet hers, "Two bullets actually, one's already in the chamber."

She wondered for a moment why he had so little ammo left but didn't ask.

Both of them looked around, searching for the best spot to shoot the rope. To Kate's surprise he handed her the gun.

"Think you can make that shot, Lara?"

She looked at him surprised, "You want me to shoot?"

"Yeah." He nodded, locking eyes with her again. "You shoot, and I'll focus my attention trying to break the fall us." But he really meant for her and the baby.

As if on cue they both looked down towards the ground. Due to the tightness of the net and their bodies and feet in the way there wasn't a whole lot to see. But it was more than obvious that they were high of the ground.

Much higher than Jack and her had been that time. This would definitely not be an easy fall. This fall could possibly break some bones, she thought. How had she not noticed this before?

"I don't know about this James? We are really high up." She clutched the gun tightly in her hand.

He looked to the side glancing through the jungle around them. "I know. That's why I said I'd break the fall girl."

"You could end up breaking something, and then what?"

"Then you'd go get help."

"What if I get hurt too? What if both of us get hurt James?"

James sighed in annoyance again, "Hell girl, I don't know." He was worried too, but tried his best to not let it show. "But if you got a better idea, let's hear it."

She looked around ... looked up and down ... looked every which way. He watched her patiently to hear anything she might come up with. Hoping that she'd come up with something, because she was right. It was high and he wasn't quite sure how exactly he'd break the fall without him getting hurt in the process. And even then it wasn't a sure bet that she wouldn't end up hurt too.

Then she looked back at him, "If we use your pocketknife, we could cut a slit in the net up here. Just big enough for us to climb through." She pointed up and he followed her hand with his eyes, "We are so close to that branch right there. We could climb out and over and then climb down that tree."

Sawyer curiously eyed the possible 'escape route' Kate was explaining before he answered, "That might actually work, princess. The only problem is that my knife's somewhere in my backpack."

Kate was clearly taken back by Sawyers admission that she had a better plan, and she just couldn't pass up the opportunity to 'rub it in' a little when she said, "So you're saying if I get that knife, then you won't mind me climbing up that branch and down the tree like a 'god damn monkey'?"

He smirked and looked at her shaking his head a little, knowing that she was referring to his speech from earlier about the baby, "Yeah Freckles, ... guess you'll get to do your monkey business after all ... if we get to the knife."

She had that happy smile plastered on her face again. The one that showed her dimples. The one that made his heart go hay-wire for her.

"Guess we won't need this then after all." She held up the gun, obviously not sure of what to do with it now.

He raised his eyebrows suggestively and spoke with a smile on his lips, "Wanna put it back where you got it?"

She hesitated a moment as if she was really contemplating it, but it became clear to Sawyer that she had her mind set on the mission. This girl wanted to climb down a tree. "If I put it back then it will just be in the way when you try to get that backpack off ... so no."

He seemed disappointed. He loved to tease her but it was only fun as long as she took the bait, which this time she clearly hadn't.

Maybe she's right. Maybe we should focus on getting out of here.

But his one track mind was put right back onto the wrong path when she said, "My gun's still in my backpack. So do you think you can put this one in the back of my pants?"

He raised his eyebrows and was just about to say something when she spoke up again, "There's just no way I can get my hand back there and get the gun in myself. I don't want it to drop and with our luck it will probably fall through the net somehow."

He was baffled that she didn't see the obvious innuendo that was presenting itself for him. But since she was so focused, maybe he could too. So he took the gun from her without skipping a beat and said with the most normal tone of voice he could muster, "Just lean into me girl and I'll give it a shot."

That sentence alone was enough to put a smile on his face. He was just biting back one joke after another. There was so much possibility in this scenario, especially while his hands were working their way around her. Although one of the hands wasn't working so much since it was occupied with holding onto the gun.

So he leaned back towards the net behind him to give her room to lean into him. Her arms were up. Left and right to his head with her fingers loosely hooked through the net as she leaned against him to give him more room to work with.

His one hand was already all the way around her, while the hand with the gun was a lot harder to maneuver between her body and the net.

"Curious 'bout something Freckles?" he huffed out.

It send chills down her spine when his hot breath brushed by her ear. She wondered if he'd notice the Goosebumps that had already formed on her skin. But not just on her arms this time. They were everywhere.

"What's that?" She answered.

"Your gun. Why is it in your backpack?"

She moved her face towards him, but she was so close. Her temple against his jaw line. She couldn't look him in the eye, even if she'd wanted too. "You put it there, remember?"

He was still trying to get the gun around her. And she noticed that he seemed to be taken his time, while his free hand rested on her lower back already under her shirt. Making her skin burn under his touch.

"I know that. But when we got back to this rock, and we were packing up at the beach ... for this hike. Why didn't you take the gun out? You always carried your gun on you before. Never just left it in your backpack."

He didn't know why he was even asking her that. It wasn't like it really mattered to him. Maybe it was to distract himself from the Goosebumps on her back and the overall heat her body was radiating at the moment. Or maybe it was to distract him from the scent of her. That intoxicating smell of just her was enough to drive him insane. Even when she was filthy and sweaty ... he'd want her. Pheromones ... he'd read about it before. But just because he knew what it was called didn't make it any less intriguing.

He finally had the gun all the way around her. His left hand pulled the back of her pants away just a bit so his right could press the gun down into it. He really would have liked to press his hand down her pants instead.

She gasped as the cold metal of the gun touched her skin. That with the combination of his breath in her ear and his hands on her almost made her lose control.

He slowly pulled his hands away from her back, but let them linger left and right of her. On her hipbone to be exact.

She leaned back to give him more room again when she answered hesitantly, "I guess I just forgot."

"You forgot?" he didn't really believe her.

Having put more space between each other again she was able to look up at his face, "I guess I did forget ... I ..." She looked away now somewhat embarrassed but still continued, "I guess I just felt save enough ... with you."

He didn't know what to say other then, "Oh, okay." That was all he could muster as a response. He'd always hoped she'd feel save with him, but never actually heard her admit it out loud. Maybe he was suppose to say something here to acknowledge what she had just said. Hell, maybe this was his cue to crack a joke to lighten up the mood again. But he couldn't think of anything to say and he felt like some love-struck teenager who'd just heard the girl of his dreams say 'I like you'!

She was actually relieved that he didn't dwell on what she'd just said, but she also knew that once he had adequate time to think about it, he'd rub it in given the chance in the future.

The future! It suddenly dawned on her that there wasn't a whole lot of time left for them together.

Awkward silence hung in the air as they locked eyes again.

He finally spoke up, "So, how should we do this?"

"Do you think you can turn around so I can get to the backpack?"

She leaned back against the net to make more room for him.

He tried but there was no use, "Don't think that's gonna work girl."

She let out a sigh, "Okay, I guess ... I guess I'll just help you get it off and if we can shimmy it down enough we could try to pull it through your legs and get it up between us."

He laughed and said, "Say that again Freckles? Something's trying to shimmy its way up right now."

She tried not to laugh herself , "James, could you just focus for once." But she just now registered what she'd said and why it was just the perfect invite for him to crack a joke at her expense. She had walked right into that one.

He bit back the grin still on his face, "Sounds like a plan." And he awkwardly lowered his arms to his side, trying to push his hands back. He leaned forward now ... into her. And she leaned into him too. With her hands on his shoulders trying her best to get the straps to slide down his arms. But of course that sounded a whole lot easier than it really was.

Something as simple as taking off a backpack turned into quite a task as they were tangled up in the net.

Her hands trying to slide the backpack straps down his arm send chills down his spine now. He refrained from growling again, and she held her breath when she felt his by her ear. The sexual tension was almost too much to handle for either one of them.

Sawyer could feel her rapid pulse and how her breathing rhythm had changed. He couldn't hold back any longer. As soon as those straps on both sides went past his hands, he wrapped his arms around her. One hand went straight for her ass and the other on the back of her head. Messily tangled up in her long brown curls.

She didn't fight it when his lips crushed into hers and without any hesitation her tongue was playing with his. Both their eyes were closed, and for a moment Kate could have sworn the net started spinning again.

The man knew how to kiss, she had to give him that. He'd always known how to make her world spin around her from just a stupid kiss. Her heart was racing and her body was aching for him, but at the same time she didn't want this kiss to end. She could go on kissing him for hours.

Her lips always had this sweet taste to them. He could never understand it ... and the more he thought about it he'd come to the conclusion that it just had to be all in his head. Because nobodies lips could just naturally taste like this ... taste this good. It just had to be all in his head, but he didn't care. He just couldn't' get enough of her and that taste.

He couldn't hold back the 'audio commentary' anymore and groaned loudly while not letting up on her lips. His hands were surprisingly fast all of a sudden. Somehow the net pushing them together was not that much of an obstacle anymore for him and his fingers.

Within no time they'd managed to push her backpack of her shoulders and his hands were already underneath the back of her shirt. Then just as quickly they were in the front, with his callused thumbs slowly digging their way underneath the wire of her bra. Just to tease her ... oooohhh, and it worked.

His hands worked their way down again and grabbed a hold of the bottom hem of her shirt. He broke away from the kiss. She opened her eyes and looked up at him somewhat confused. But before she could ask him why he'd stopped kissing her, he yanked the shirt up and over her head. Her arms went with the motion, almost involuntarily ... but either way the shirt was off.

He looked at her appreciably. Eating her up with his eyes as if he hadn't seen her like this before.

Then without giving her a warning, his hands rushed behind her again and in record time had unfastened her bra.

She was just stunned at the rate this was all going. Hadn't even had time to register everything, when he bend his knees just enough so that he could kiss his way down towards her nipples. She moaned when his tongue slowly played with them. She was like putty under his touch and lips, and he knew it. Maybe the net was spinning after all, she thought.

Damn him! I can't do this ... not again!

"James, stop." She was surprised that she'd actually managed to get those two words passed her lips. It was almost like an out of body experience.

Every fiber in her body told her that she wants this. That she needs this. She was physically aching for him to touch and kiss her. But her mind was screaming at her loud and clear ... NO!

He hadn't expected this. Pulling back he locked eyes with her, "What's wrong?"

She looked away. She just couldn't look at him, instead searched almost frantically for her shirt. Grabbed it and held it in front of her in an attempt to hide her naked upper body from him.

She stuttered on the words, "W-What's wrong ... what's wrong is that we are over James. That's what's wrong."

He sighed and tried to pull away more, but there really was no room to do so. He didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say really. They are over.

Their eyes on each other spoke volumes and he knew better then to try to talk her into this. There was no use.

He tried not to watch her when she tried to put her bra back on. But when he noticed how she was struggling, he just simply helped her out.

"I got it." She snapped at him, frantically trying to close the bra behind her and clearly afraid of his touch and what it might do.

He mocked her, "Sure you do." His hands behind her and probably for the first time ever hooking a bra closed instead of opening it.

Then he helped her get the shirt back on and when it was all done, she let out a whispered "Thanks" and he whispered back "No problem."

An awkward silence hung between them now. Her lips, cheeks and chest looked flushed but it was probably from his beard stubble. To him she never looked prettier than she did right now.

The backpack was sitting on the bottom of the net, right by Sawyers feet. He bent down in an attempt to reach it, but he couldn't. She'd have to do it, but she seemed to be staring into space ... not even registering what he was attempting to do.

"Why did you lie James?" her question hit him out of nowhere.

He looked up at her and trying to be funny he said, "You're gonna have to be a little more specific Freckles?"

She didn't think it was funny. Her face sad and withdrawn, "At the dock, after Juliet died. Why did you lie about that ring?"

He swallowed and tried to avoid her gaze, "Doesn't really matter anymore Freckles."

"It matters to me."

He was feeling anger rise in him, but he couldn't even understand why himself. Maybe because he still wanted her and she'd turned him down cold. Or maybe it was because it had always been easier for him to get mad at her then to actually talk things through.

His facial features got hard all of a sudden, his eyes got that evil glint to them that she hated to see on him ... or maybe she just hated it when it was meant for her. His voice was filled with anger now and she was baffled how it could turn from sugar sweet to this within seconds, "Why does it matter? It's like you said, we're over. We're done ..." his voice trailed off, but then he added, "besides, I already told you why I did it."

She raised her eyebrows in response to that, "No you didn't. You didn't tell me."

"Yes I did." He snapped back at her quickly.

"When?"

"After you went on your little suicide dive to get me out."

"Oh." Her eyes down cast all of a sudden, "I didn't listen to you then, I was too pissed off at you ... and I had water in my ears so ... I didn't listen to you."

"Ain't my problem, Ariel. I don't do reruns."

"Fine." She huffed annoyed.

And just like that, she let herself sink to the bottom of the net. Her legs pulled tightly against her chest, her backpack also on there, leaving absolutely no room for him to even move his legs an inch.

"What the hell you think you're doing?" He stared at her as he watched her resting her forehead against her knees.

She craned her neck to look up at him, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm sitting down."

"I can see that, sweetheart, but why are you sitting down? I thought we're getting out of here."

She hesitated but then answered, "I'm taking a break."

"Hell girl, how about we get out of here first and then you can take a damn break."

She didn't answer him.

"Fine. You wanna take a break, take one. But while you're down there, could you get the damn knife out of my pack?"

No reaction from her again, until he added, "Please?"

Now she looked up at him and he actually looked like he'd meant it, so she reached through his legs and pulled the backpack closer to her.

She opened the zipper on it and started looking through it, then she said, "Any idea where it might be?"

"Since it's fairly small it's probably fell through to the bottom."

He watched her closely from above, and he knew another fight was coming on the moment when he saw her pull the tape cassette out of the pack.

Damn it. I forgot that that was in there.

Kate read the label on the cassette, held it in her hands and craned her neck again to look up at him, "What the hell is this James?"

"Looks like a tape to me, honey."

"Is this what I think it is?"

He smiled, "That depends on what you think it is."

She rolled her eyes at him annoyed, "You know what I'm talking about. Is this us in the cages? Did you watch it?" Her voice accusatory towards him.

He sighed, then looked at her again, "I started watching it. But no, it's not the cages, alright? It's you and me in the damn swan hatch."

"The swan hatch?" she repeated after him with a questioning look on her eyes. "We didn't do anything in the swan hatch."

"If by 'anything' you mean sex, then yeah ... we didn't do that." He grinned. "But they taped you taking care of me." He tried not to smile but just the memory of it brought a smile to his face ... almost against his will.

She suddenly had panic in her eyes and he noticed it immediately when she asked him, "What did you see?"

The smile gone and he shook his head a little confused, "What do you mean what did I see? I just told you girl, do you ever listen? They got you on there taken care of me when I was unconscious, that's it."

She looked a little relieved, and now he began to wonder why. "What did you think I saw?"

"Nothing." She said, and then she opened the little plastic cover that exposed the actual tape and her fingers reached for it, but Sawyer was quicker. He reached down and pulled the entire cassette out of her hand.

"What the hell you think you're doing?" he almost yelled at her angrily.

She was pissed off now too, "Give that back to me." She tried to stand up, but she couldn't get up as easily as she had gotten down and it pissed her of.

"I ain't given shit back to you." He huffed. "You were gonna rip the damn tape out, weren't you?"

"Yeah, so what?" she had finally struggled her way back up.

"Well honey, it ain't your tape to rip. It's mine. Founders keepers."

"James." Her voice annoyed but determined, "Just give me the tape." She reached for it, but he held it high above his head. As high as he could.

Then he smiled at her in a 'what'cha gonna do now' kinda way and simply said, "No."

She was mad, annoyed and terrified all the same. She wanted that tape and destroy it before he'd ever get the chance to watch the rest.

She struggled against him, almost looked like she was trying to climb up on him to reach the damn tape. But he didn't budge. Held his arms high and wouldn't let it fall, even when she was basically hanging on it with all her weight. Both of them where breathing heavily, when all of a sudden she stood up on his boots to give her enough leverage to kiss him.

In record time she'd both her hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him towards her. Kissing him passionately in the process. Then her hands wandered to the front of his shirt and she started unbuttoning it, never breaking from the kiss.

He went along ... enjoying the sensation of her wanting him. He was lowering his arm with the tape. Then when he tried to wrap his arms around her, the tape's corners got caught by the net and made it too much of a struggle to get around her. Right in that moment it dawned on him and he suddenly broke away from the kiss and looked at her suspiciously.

She stopped fiddling with his buttons and looked up at him, "What?" she asked so innocent that he almost bought it.

His voice filled with venom, "What sweetheart? I tell you what. You're willing to screw me just so you can get this damn tape back!"

She looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. She couldn't say anything, she didn't want to lie but she didn't want to admit the truth either.

After she didn't answer him, he got even more pissed off, "Right! That's what I thought." He paused for a second then continued, "What the hell is on the tape? What happened in the swan hatch that you don't want me to see Kate?"

She looked away, avoiding his death stare on her. Still not saying anything. She didn't know what she should tell him. She didn't want him to know what he'd done ... or Wayne in his body. It was all too weird, but she didn't want him to feel guilty or ... it was all just too much and too difficult to explain. He wouldn't believe her anyways. So she just stood there and said nothing.

"You screwed the doc in the hatch, didn't you?"

Now she stared up at him and almost yelled, "No." her eyes spelling out disbelieve that he would even think that of her.

"Then what did you do with the doc in the hatch that you don't want me to see?" His voice was still accusatory ... he knew he was on to something, but he just didn't know exactly what it was.

Now she was pissed off at him, yelling back "I didn't do anything with Jack. All I did was take care of you."

He was clearly confused, "So if it wasn't Jack, then what the hell was it girl? What happened that you don't' want me to see?"

Silence again from her.

His blood was near the boiling point and he raised his voice, screaming at her, "TELL ME!"

Tears started overflowing from her eyes and she started to sob uncontrollably.

He demanded again, but this time not screaming anymore, "Just fucking tell me Kate."

She wiped at her eyes, trying to get the flowing tears under control and whispered quietly, "You hurt me."

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	32. Chapter 32 Trust me, Freckles

He looked annoyed more than anything.

He obviously didn't understand that she was actually trying to tell him what happened in the hatch. He saw it as her trying to rehash the past again.

But the big fat tears streaking down her face were working their magic. He wasn't yelling anymore. He was still mad and annoyed but he couldn't yell at a crying woman. His crying woman.

"Look, I know I hurt you countless times, but this ain't about that now. I wanna know what's on the tape damnit." His voice had lost all the determination behind it.

She started to hyperventilate, a full blown meltdown happening right in front of him. She needed to run but she couldn't run and it was freaking her out.

Oh shit, oh shit. What have I done to her?

She looked like she was about to kill over ... heart attack or something of the sorts and it's starting to freaking him out now too.

"Kate!" He tries to get her to look up at him, grabbing her by her shoulders which seemed to only make matters worse and he took his hands off again quickly. "Freckles, you gotta calm the fuck down."

She looked at him for a second, her face grimacing, big fat tears rolling and she almost looks like a baby crying for her mother. And then she's breathing again like she's having an asthma attack ... only thing is, she doesn't have asthma! She looks away again, panicky and he wishes he could read her damn mind.

What did I do to make her this upset? He wonders. Ain't like he never yelled at her before. He snaps his fingers in front of her, afraid to touch her again, but still trying to get her to look at him. She doesn't. She just won't look at him again.

And he's scared shitless. Knows deep down that whatever this is will pass and she ain't gonna take any real damage away from it. Knows that this is just a little meltdown and it will pass, given time.

But he can't fucking stand it. To see her like this. It physically hurts him to see her like this. And then the baby pops in his mind ... in the midst of it all he'd almost forgotten about the baby. And he doesn't know shit about pregnancies and mothers-to-be, all he knows is from books and tv, but he's pretty damn sure they aren't supposed to freak out like that. Pregnant women are supposed to take it easy, ain't that what they always say?

And then it happens, as if she didn't look broken enough already, her knees seem to give out from under her. Or maybe it's just her that lost the will to stand up straight ... who really knows.

That's when he just reaches around her and grabs her. Pulls her in his arms obviously against her will. But he doesn't care anymore, she's a complete fucked up mess either way.

So he scoops her up in his arms. One hand underneath the round curve of her behind, the other arm curled around her with his fingers disappearing in her brown curly strands again, pushing her face against him. And he just holds her to him and let's her go on crying and sobbing and trying to fight him off. He's determined to not let go.

He's still mad himself - a little - even wonders for a second if this is just another attempt of her to get her hand on the tape.

The tape. The tape that he'd mindlessly dropped when he grabbed both her shoulders just a few moments ago.

He scanned the bottom of the net, and there it was. Right next to their feet. Wedged between the net and her boots. She could easily destroy it. One lift of her foot and she could smash it to pieces. But then again, she ain't even standing up right now on her own accord. Unlikely she'll smash anything to pieces, except maybe him if she doesn't get a grip here shortly.

What might have been only minutes had felt like hours to Sawyer as he tried his best imitation of a straight jacket. But it seemed to work and he sighed with relief when he noticed her breathing had become somewhat normal again. Her little hands were no longer balled into fists but where opened flat and seemed to reach for him now instead of trying to push him away.

He wondered for a minute if he should give her more time to calm down before he spoke at all. He decided against waiting, it was time to break the ice.

"Freckles, what the fuck was that?" He faked a smile, didn't know why he even bothered, not like she could see it.

Her face was resting in the crock of his neck, he could feel her breath on him, but she didn't say anything.

There was no reaction at all from her, or at least as far as he could tell. Then she nuzzled her nose against him, her voice was soft and so incredibly quite that he almost didn't hear her over his own breathing, "You can let go now."

Thank god, he thought. She seemed to be back to normal again ... well normal was a relative word. Her and him had never been the normal type to begin with. But just to test the waters, he tried his attempt at a joke, "You sure 'bout that, Sweetheart? Afraid you might bring this whole net down the way you just raised havoc." A bad joke, he thought after it left his tongue.

She didn't giggle, or snicker ... none of the sorts, just whispered, "I'm sure. You can let go."

Reluctantly he released her from his tight grip. The moment she left his arms he thought how havoc didn't seem too bad anymore if it meant she'd be in his arms again.

She still looked bewildered. The rim of her eyes bright red from crying, her cheeks and chest flushed in patches ... like her skin was just as irritated with her as he'd been just a little while ago.

There were several moments of silence. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them knew what to do with their hands. Her eyes downcast and it was obvious that she was embarrassed about her behavior.

He glanced down towards the tape. And as if on cue, she awkwardly bent down, struggling against the net and picked it up. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes before she spoke, "Why does this stupid tape mean so much to you?" Her voice sounded so tired and worn out.

He swallowed, hadn't really expected her to talk, nor to actually ask him such a question. "What makes you think it means anything to me?"

"You brought it and you were fighting me for it, that's two reasons right there." Her voice still wasn't her own, she still sounded like someone who'd just cried ... although she tried her best to sound 'normal', he could tell.

In a lame attempt to divert the question and to take half the blame for her little meltdown he said, "Freckles, I'd fight you over a damn lollipop if it meant I could get a rise out of you."

Finally, meeting his eyes for the first time. And even red as they were, they were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. Silence hung between them as both of them were trying to read each others face.

The nagging question on his tongue again, "Why do you wanna get rid of it so badly? What happened in the hatch?" He just couldn't let it go. Too many unanswered questions hung between them from the past. Nobody ever got an answer, cause someone usually walked away. But here and now walking away wasn't an option and he wanted a god damn answer, just this once.

Neither of them budged, eyes locked on one another. He was hopeful that he might actually get an answer now. She on the other hand was fighting the urge to cry again.

Her voice was so quiet and soft when she spoke, "I saw a ghost too. In the hatch."

Boom. Just like that. It was out but yet explained absolutely nothing about her behavior. He thought about it for a moment, eyes still on hers the entire time.

His forehead wrinkled, brows shaped into a curious arch, "So ..." His voice wavered, "... you think the ghost is on the tape? That's what this is all about? Who did you see?"

She didn't know how to answer that, she was sure that he was on the tape, but then again he wasn't. Not really. "It wasn't like when you saw Jack, it was different." She tried to explain.

"Different how?"

"He didn't really appear, he ..." She broke the glance and looked away, almost as if she was looking for the right words to say. As if she could actually find them written on the trees surrounding them.

How do you say 'my dead father took over your body and then he choked me'?

He interrupted her before she could go on. His voice was forceful and demanding, "Look at me."

She did as she was told, but didn't even know why she'd listen herself. He seemed surprised too that she'd just do as she was told, not entirely sure if it was a good or a bad sign. He was mentally preparing himself for another oncoming tantrum ... just in case.

She looked in his eyes, and she could see honest to god concern there. She knew he really wanted to know what had happened, but she also knew that she wasn't sure how to explain it.

He sighed, and seemed frustrated again with her. Or at least that's how she took it.

He had a feeling he wasn't gonna get his answer now, and they had to get going before darkness took over the jungle. So he said with resignation in his voice, "How about a truce for now, Wendy? It's gonna get dark soon. So let's just get out of here, and decide where we're gonna make camp for the night."

He held out his hand and she gave him the tape without protest. But then he added with a lighter tone to his voice, "But don't think you're off the hook girl, I still wanna know what it is about this tape." He smiled, another lame attempt to lighten the mood that didn't work again.

She didn't smile back, just bend down and dug through his backpack, trying to find his pocketknife. Wondering already how on earth she was going to tell him what had happened that day in the hatch. How do you explain something that you can't even fully understand yourself? All she knew was that she had no doubt anymore that it was Wayne trying to choke her ... she just knew in her heart that it wasn't Sawyer.

She caught his and her backpack, one after the other and put them down beside her on the ground. Then she watched him in anticipation as he made his way down the tree.

The sight of him climbing down that tree still managed to bring a smile to her face. It had been a long time since she'd seen him climb down from a tree. It seemed like a million years ago now when he came to 'help' Sayid and her locate the source of Danielle Rousseau distress message.

As she watched him make his way out of the tree their conversation from then came back to her as if it had just happened yesterday.

_ 'So what is it about that guy - Jack? What it is about him that makes you all weak in the loins?_

_Trying to be a pig, or does it just come naturally?_

_It's he's a doctor, right? Yeeeeeaaaah, the ladies dig the doctors. Hell, give me a couple of band aids, a bottle of peroxide, I can run this Island too._

_You're actually comparing yourself to Jack?_

_The difference between us ain't that big, sweetheart. I guarantee you, if he had survived a few more weeks on this Island you'd have figured that out.'_

Never in a million years would she have imagined that just one day later she'd be kissing him.

And now? Now she was his wife and possibly pregnant with his child. She touched her stomach with a smile on her face. But the smile disappeared when she realized the sad part about it all. That he really wasn't so different from Jack. Sawyer, just like Jack, had also surrendered to the notion that this island was his destiny. Something that Kate just couldn't wrap her mind around, no matter how hard she tried.

His voice startled her out of her thoughts, "You alright?" He'd noticed her hand on her stomach.

She looked up and realized that he was standing right in front her, "Yeah ... I'm fine." She dismissed the question.

He shook his head to himself, 'cause she damn sure didn't look alright to him, "Well, then I'd say we should head towards our beach?"

She looked up at him confused, "What? Why? I thought we were heading north?"

He sighed for a minute, then took a big swig out of his water bottle before he finally answered her. "Before the Doc disappeared I told him to let Hurley know that we'd be at our old camp. Told them to come and get us with the boat."

"Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Didn't really think it mattered?"

He looked up towards the sky, then back at her as he screwed the lit back onto the plastic water bottle, "Don't think we'll make it all the way back to the beach by tonight, but we should at least make it to the creek. Set up camp there for the night. What do you think?"

She just nodded her head in agreement.

"Mind givin' me my gun back sweetness?" He grinned at her and added, "In case we come across something big, white and furry, or that damn hog that's got it in for me."

She tried not to smile, unsuccessfully. Then gave the gun back to him and he reloaded it. She dug hers out of her backpack and loaded hers as well. Shortly after that they got on their way towards their old camp, which inevitably would lead them to the creek.

Sawyer was keeping a steady and rather fast pace. He wanted to get there as soon as possible. Because once they made it there, they'd still have to gather enough firewood to keep a fire going all night. It didn't matter how hot it got on the island during the day, there was usually no telling what the temperature would be once the sun went down. Some nights were too hot to sleep, and other nights were too damn cold.

Despite the fact that she was just exhausted, she managed to keep up with him. Too stubborn to give Sawyer the opportunity to rehash the whole 'women are more fragile' argument. So she met him stride for stride and didn't fall far behind him at any given time. They barely spoke the entire way. She wouldn't have been able to keep a conversation going anyway, at least not while trying to keep the same pace as him.

It had already turned dark by the time they'd made it to the creek. Both of them collected firewood and got the fire started. And after eating some of the foot Sawyer had packed for them, it was time to settle down for the night.

Sawyer watched Kate prop up her backpack as some sort of pillow a few feet away from him. He was just mesmerized by the sight of her. Maybe it was because he hadn't seen her that much over the last couple of days, since she'd been trying to avoid him. Or maybe it was just because he loved her more than words could say. But either way, he just couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was just looking breathtakingly beautiful in the soft glow of their campfire. Always had been ... some things never change.

He eventually couldn't hold back anymore and with a wave of his hand he simply said, "Come here."

She just looked at him nervously ... as if they were on their first date and she wasn't sure of what to do next.

He repeated it again with a genuine smile on his face and a nod of the head, not bothered at all by her initial hesitation, "Come here." This time he held out his hand for her to take.

She reached for it, took it and he pulled her into his arms. With his back leaning against a tree trunk, he had her sitting in between his legs, both his arms wrapped around her. When he noticed how cold she was, he tried to warm her up. His callused hands rubbed her upper arms up and down, over and over again.

He nuzzled his nose in her hair and kissed the back of her head. Her hair smelled like sand and ocean water ... and he just loved it. It was such a familiar smell on her that it somehow managed to put him immediately at ease.

It's funny how a simple smell can take you back in time.

She knew she shouldn't make things this easy for him, but she just couldn't help herself. After the way this day had started out, with her being attacked in their little kitchen ... she just needed him right now. She needed his arms around her for tonight. And she was grateful that he asked her to come to him, because she would have never been the one to make the first move again. She would've been too stubborn for that. So being in his warm strong arms right now was the best thing about this entire day.

Feeling his chest softly rise and fall against her and having his warm arms wrapped around her ... it felt like home to her. Like right here is where she belonged. In his arms.

She was already half-asleep when she felt him pick her up to lie her down with him. Wedged between the warmth of the fire and the warmth of his body. She heard him mumble something about a good night kiss and felt his warm soft lips on hers, while he stroked some curls out of her face.

Tonight had turned out to be one of those 'nippier' nights. So he pulled her close to keep her warm, with her face flat against his chest and both his arms wrapped around her lithe body.

And she was already dozing off into dream land - hell, maybe she was already dreaming -when she heard him whisper into her ear, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the polar bears bite."

"Funny." She mumbled back at him, eyes closed shut and trying to get comfortable snuggling against him.

A short time later both of them were fast asleep. It had been a long and exhausting day for the both of them. Their bodies definitely needed the rest.

A few hours after waking up they'd finally arrived at their old beach camp, along the way they'd stopped at the caves to refill all of their water bottles again, just in case rescue hadn't arrived yet.

Kate was in shock at the condition the camp was in. She hadn't really expected it to be the same, but it still looked worse then she would have imagined. Her eyes fell onto Sawyers tent. All the memories came flooding back to her, just like it was yesterday. How many times she'd seen him sit outside his tent, reading a book and pretending to be busy and annoyed when anyone came to talk to him.

As they walked further into their old camp, Sawyer and Kate both immediately noticed the footprints in the sand. They'd already been here.

"Son of a bitch." He looked up and down the beach.

Kate raised a hand over her eyes to shield them from the sun as she looked out at the ocean, trying to see if there was a boat anywhere still in sight. There wasn't.

"Why didn't they wait for us? I don't understand why they would come and then take off again if this is supposed to be the meeting point." She looked to Sawyer for answers.

He waved his hands up in defense, "Hell if I knew." He sighed in frustration, "But I'm sure they'll come back."

"And what if they don't Sawyer?"

He thought about it for a moment, "If they're not back for us by tomorrow afternoon, then we head for the Pearl Station. Hurley made sure that all the Dharma stations are newly equipped, so that anyone stuck out here can get in touch with security."

She didn't answer him, just gave him a weird look.

"What?" He huffed back at her annoyed. "You got a better idea princess?"

"Why don't we just walk? We just filled up all our water. We can gather some fruit to eat along the way. I know it will take us some time to get there, but at least we'd be at an advantage?"

He raised his eyebrows in confusion and irritation, "Advantage? What the hell are you talking about?"

Now she raised her hand in the air while she spoke, pointing south, the general direction of the other island, "What if Ben knew that those people would come to Hydra Island, and he left us there to be killed? What if Hurley isn't alright? What then Sawyer? What if leaving us wasn't about us 'making up'? What if it still is all about Ben wanting this damn island?"

He shook his head, more to himself then to her.

She folded her arms in front of her, "What?"

"Nothing!" he stated and drew a tiny stick into the sand that he'd been picking at while walking through the jungle. He was just about to turn around and make his way towards his old tent, when she spoke up, "Hey."

She grabbed a hold of his arm and spun him back around to face her.

"You have no opinion about what I just said? About Ben wanting the island. About Hurley not being alright. For once you have nothing to say? Really, James?"

"Oh, so now I'm James again?"

"What?" she looked up at him confused.

"Just a moment ago you called me Sawyer, now I'm James again. I'm just curious how you decide in that twisted little head o' yours when I'm worthy of being called James or when I'm just good ol' Sawyer."

She thought about it for a moment, then stammered on the words, "I-I ... I really don't know, it's not like I'm doing it on purpose." She paused and noticed his face was softening again. "But seriously, don't you think we should walk back ourselves? Don't you think calling them and giving them a pinpoint location of where to find us is a bad idea?"

"They have a damn pinpoint location right now, Freckles." He huffed out annoyed glaring at her.

He looked at her, waiting for her to say something else, but when she didn't he sighed again, walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, "Look Freckles, I get where you're comin' from and all, 'specially after that stunt Bug Eye pulled with us both last week. But the Doc could've only told the big man where we'd be. And seein' that the damn circus must've come through here ..." he pointed at the footprints that were all over the beach "... looks to me like Hurley's just fine." He paused for a moment and cupped her cheek softly with his palm, "I don't know why they didn't wait, but they'll come back and it'll all be alright."

She sighed in surrender, "So what now?"

"You hungry?"

She just nodded yes.

Both of them looked around, scanning their surroundings, when Sawyer said, "Help me find Jin's old fishing net. Then you and me go catch us some grub." He watched her in anticipation.

The shy smile of hers just melted his heart.

How will I ever get through the rest of my life without her?

He headed towards the tattered makeshift tents, looked back at her again, "Are you coming?"

She unfolded her arms and followed him in search of the net.

Kate was just about finished gutting and preparing all the fish they had managed to catch together, while Sawyer was still out collecting firewood for them. When she was done, she went into his old tent and tried to make it livable for the night. The entire 'roof' had caved in on it and she was trying her best to get it back to the way it used to be, over four years ago. She sighed in disbelieve that it had really been that long since she'd seen it last.

She'd decided to take a break and sat in the entrance of the old familiar shelter, stacking up the magazines and books that were scattered everywhere.

"Blast from the past, sweet pea?" His voice had startled her.

She looked up and saw him arrange the wood to get the fire started. Both of them smiled at each other for a moment. Everything that had happened seemed so long ago and yet moments like this brought it right back to the forefront of their minds.

She held up a magazine, and with a faux disgusted look she read the title of the magazine out loud to him. "Booty babes, James?"

He stopped what he was doing and looked over at her, trying hard to contain his laughter, "You're gonna go all wifely on me now? Besides, I had that long before we were hitched."

She crinkled her nose and with a big goofy grin on her face said, "Wifely? Is that even a word?"

"I took any kind of porn I could get my hands on back in the old days, honey. Can't be picky when you're crashed on a god damn island."

She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly, knowing for once she found a way to tease him, "Any kind of porn." She gave him a suggestive look and he immediately knew what she was getting at.

He raised his hands in defiance, "All right, maybe not any kind of porn." He chuckled and said, "Just because I've been to prison doesn't mean I dropped the soap in the shower. Nor did I wait for someone else to drop it."

He finally got the fire started, wiped his hands on his jeans and added for good measure, "I just don't swing that way Sweetheart."

"Good to know, considering I'm your wife." She grinned at him, she closed the magazine she'd been curiously looking through. Then she read over the cover of the magazine. Thinking out loud she said, "Where and what is the 'b'spot? Have you ever heard of the 'b'spot?"

Smiling she looked over at Sawyer who looked back at her and with his devilish charming smile he answered, "Can't say that I have but if you're game you know I'm always up for a challenge, Freckles. " His grin grew even wider before he added, "Found your 'g'spot on the very first try didn't I?"

She blushed and threw the magazine back onto the pile of magazines, tying to ignore his eyes on her now.

* * *

><p>Flashback to over 4 years ago<p>

She was stomping through the jungle again trying to have some privacy. Privacy to cry alone. Sun had just told her the news. Juliet had taken her to the medical station over night and now Sun knew that the baby was conceived on the island. Sun had confided in her about the other man and was happy that the baby was Jin's. But all Kate could think about was that that could ultimately be her death sentence.

But then again, who knew if Juliet was even telling the truth. Maybe this was just some lame attempt by Juliet to make herself seem important. After all, she was trying to fit in and to get people to believe that she was good. First she'd 'saved' Claire. And it had apparently worked with Sun too. She was now convinced that Juliet was in fact a good person.

Kate herself still wasn't convinced of that. She'll never forget that look in Juliet's eyes when she'd told Kate, "I'm sorry you couldn't help us." Translation "Sawyer is going to die." She will never forget the utter feeling of helplessness after hearing those words from Juliet.

Big fat tears were running down her face as she silently sobbed still walking rather swiftly through the jungle. Couldn't stand still, constantly moving. The faster the better she thought. The noise of her own footsteps and pushing leaves and jungle out of her way drowning out the noise of her almost silent cries and whimpers. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that someone had been following her.

Until that someone spoke up, "What the hell are you running from this time, Freckles?"

She didn't have to look back to see who it was. His southern drawl and the nickname giving him away. She didn't stop, kept on walking and now wiped at her face furiously. She knew he'd try to catch up with her and she didn't want him to know that she was crying ... again.

Frustrated that she hadn't answered him or stopped he yelled after her, "Would you just stop for a damn second, girl?"

She sighed, stopped but didn't turn around to face him, "What do you want Sawyer?" She did a fairly good job at keeping her voice steady for the entire sentence. Sounding annoyed with him ... like her old self.

"I saw you talking to Sunshine back there and then you stormed off into the jungle, you seemed upset. Anything you wanna tell me about Freckles?"

"No." Short and sweet, hoping he'd get the drift and leave her alone.

"No? That's that?"

Finally she turned around to look at him. Maybe seeing that she was crying, he'd get the hint then and leave her alone. "Yeah, that's that. And since when do you care about Sun anyways?"

Surprised by her puffy watery red eyes looking back at him, he answered, "I don't, but I do care why it got you storming alone into the jungle, all upset and crying." And then it dawned on him and he spoke before she could even answer him.

"Look," he sighed looking completely defeated, "... Charlie wasn't supposed to hurt her. He was just supposed to drag her off a few feet and then leave her be. She wasn't supposed to end up with that bump on her head."

Her eyes grew wide now and she walked towards him, "What are you talking about?"

He realized that he'd just put his foot in his mouth, "Nothing, I'm talking about nothing." Deciding to bail now, he turned around and headed back towards the beach. But she grabbed his arm forcefully and spun him back around to face her.

"Charlie attacked Sun? And it was all part of your con? To get your hands on the guns?" It had sounded like a question, but she was really just stating a fact, but either way waiting for his reaction. When she saw how his face fell in sorrow, she got her answer. She raised her hands up to her face to cover her mouth in shock, "Oh my god." Tears started running down her face again, but for different reasons now. She loved this man and he'd just admitted to attacking her best friend.

She turned back around and started walking away again. He weighed his options for a minute. He could just let her walk away, turn around himself and walk back to the beach or he could face her head on. He had to do some control damage now, because he didn't want Jin to find out one way or another.

So Sawyer decided for the latter, "When I saw you crying just now, I thought Sun told you and that's why you were upset. Obviously ..."

She stopped, turned back around and interrupted him, "So Sun knows it was you and Charlie?"

He just nodded in shame.

"Does Claire know?"

He thought about it for a minute, then remembered how Claire had let him hold Aaron for the first time a few day back and shook his head no, "I don't think she knows."

Her eyes were still watery and red, but the tears had stopped flowing again, "So why hasn't Jin killed you yet?" She asked rather dryly, as if it didn't mean anything to her.

"Sun ..." he looked away, embarrassed to even look her in the eye, "She doesn't want him to know, I think. She didn't tell him and she said that she won't."

Kate just nodded her head in understanding. Jin had a temper and out of all the men in their camp, he was definite the most protective over his wife. It probably be better if he didn't know. For Sawyers sake.

As if Sawyer was reading her mind he asked, "Are you going to tell him?"

She swallowed, then shook her head, "No. That's up to Sun."

"Are you going to tell Claire?" His next question shot out without any hesitation.

"Probably not." She answered back just as fast.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Why wouldn't you?"

She sighed and answered truthfully, "Because she'd hate you. And then eventually everyone would find out that it was you and Charlie. And then everyone would be hating you and forgetting all about Juliet in the midst of us. Making herself right at home." She paused for a second, then added, "I don't trust her."

"You and me both Freckles." He stated.

Both just stood there awkwardly, then he said, "Look, I ain't sorry that I did it, but I am sorry Sun got hurt. She wasn't supposed to get hurt."

Kate didn't answer, didn't even look at him, just stood there staring into jungle space.

He turned around and took a few steps back towards the beach. Then stopped, faced her again and said, "So why were you upset? What did she say that got you crying in the jungle?"

Watching her face closely he saw that tears were forming again, about ready to spill over. Then her chin began to quiver in that adorable but heart wrenching way. And his heart shattered into a million pieces right then and there.

He walked towards her and wrapped her in his arms. And to his surprise, she let him do just that. So they stood there in the middle of the jungle. After the tears had stopped again she looked up at him and whispered, "Pregnant woman die on this island." Her voice was still weak and breaking through her sobs.

"What are you talking about?"

"That's why Claire was sick, she had a late reaction to some medicine the others were giving her when she was with them. Juliet said that they were trying to save her, because pregnant woman die here."

"Claire is fine now. Charlie said Juliet took care of it, didn't she?"

Kate nodded, "But Sun's pregnant too."

Finally Sawyer started to understand, pulling her back into a big bear hug in an attempt to comfort her. "And Sun knows?"

Kate nodded, "Yeah."

"Jin?"

She shook her head, "No, I don't think so. Don't say anything."

"What the hell am I gonna say, the guy speaks Korean."

Several hours later that night, Kate stumbled into Sawyers tent again. Just yesterday he'd told her that all she had to do was ask, but she wasn't about to ask just that.

"Hey." He said when he found her standing at the entrance of his tent again. He was a little surprised to see her.

"Hey." She answered back.

He knew today had been rough for her, hearing the news about Sun. So he bit his tongue ... but it didn't last long, maybe a second or two.

He had shown her the softer side again today, and to even out the battle ground he had to make sure she knew he wasn't that easily tamed, "Doc had dinner with Blondie again, so you're back for seconds too?"

Sarcasm. And she hated it. "Forget it." She spat back and was just about to push the flap aside to get out of his tent again, when he grabbed her arm this time.

"Now hold on Sweetness." The endearment sounded like an insult. "I didn't say I mind. I'm always up for seconds if you are."

Things progressed fairly quickly now, both of them giving into the urge. The constant need of wanting to be closer.

Lips crushing into each other. Tongues playing seductively while clothes were carelessly tossed aside. In the middle of it all Sawyer managed to turn the lamp off he had sitting next to his makeshift 'bed'.

Hot skin on skin. Beats of sweat forming on both of them. Panting and hushed moans as limps were entangled. The rhythm of the two of them together ... still so new and yet so in sync already.

They were both approaching climax when she tried to slow him down, "James, wait?"

"I'll wait for you. No worries. Ladies first." He whispered into her ear in a raspy desired filled voice.

"You have to pull out."

"What?" he looked down at her, stopping all movement.

"I can't ... I don't wanna get pregnant, James."

He sighed, understanding what she meant, "Don't worry babe. I pull out before I come. Just relax. Trust me, Freckles." His lips crushed down to hers and he slowly felt her relax again in his arms. She trusts me, he thought bewildered. After everything, she still trusts me.

So he slowly started to move in and out of her again. He stroked hair away that was sticking to her temple lovingly. He'd never let anything happen to her. The need to tell her those three little words was almost overwhelming.

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	33. Chapter 33 If I'm the guy

The sun was hot today and the waves were high. Both of them sat in the shade and ate quietly, staring out onto the ocean. Watching the waves crash almost violently onto the beach to then fizzle down to something that resembled a bubble bath.

Kate broke the silence first. "It's weird and sad, ain't it?" She said before she took another bite of the fish Sawyer and she had prepared together.

"What's that Sweetheart?" he asked, honestly not knowing what she was referring to, because a lot of things were weird and sad on this island.

She looked over at him and smiled sadly, "Us being here. Eating fish. On this beach at our old camp." She looked around the tattered and worn down make-shift-tents, "It's so sad that out of all the people from our plane crash, there're only seven of us left."

He remained quiet for a moment, thinking about what she'd just said. Then he sighed and answered, "Yeah, it's sad alright … but I guess if you count Walt and Vincent then there's still nine of us left."

"Walt … I haven't thought about him in a long time." She took a drink from her water bottle.

They sat in silence again for a little bit longer while they ate.

Kate got up and brushed the sand off of her clothing, Sawyer watched her curiously.

"I'm gonna go over to the graveyard." She said finally meeting his eyes.

He tried to refrain from frowning, knowing that he'd have to tell her before she'd get over there, "Wait up, I'm coming with you." He held out his hand to her, "Mind givin' me a hand Freckles?" He smiled up at her.

She smiled back at him and grabbed a hold of his hand, pulling him to a standing position.

"Thanks," he said smiling down at her, dangerously close … and it brings back an instant memory to the both of them. Back when nothing physical had actually happened between them … other than that kiss.

"No problem," she answered back, also smiling wide, then she added, "At your age it's only natural that you need help getting up."

He raised his eyebrows, mockingly offended and repeated, "At my age, huh?"

She grinned from ear to ear at his reaction, but then wondered for moment if she'd really wounded his fragile ego, "Yeah, lucky for you, I got a thing for older men."

He laughed out loud as she pulled him with her along the beach, "Well in that case I might need a cane to walk straight."

Then his face got serious as they were approaching the graves, "Freckles, there's something I gotta tell you." He pulled her hand to make her look at him.

She stopped walking and turned around to face him. When she saw the concerned look in his eyes she asked, "What's wrong?"

Sawyer sighed, and continued, "Hurley had them bury the Doc here." No point in beating around the bush anymore.

He could see her facial expression change the moment she'd registered what he'd just said. Then she let out an almost inaudible "Oh." Her eyes downcast towards the sand before she looked back at the direction of the row of wooden crosses sticking out of the sand. She folded her arms in front of herself, as if she was cold … but the sun was burning down on them mercilessly.

He took a step towards her, tilted her chin up with his left hand to make her look up at him, "You're alright?" he asked concerned.

She plastered a fake smile on her face and then nodded almost too enthusiastic. Trying to convince herself more than him.

He held out his hand for her to take, wondering if she would. She hesitated for a moment, looking down at his outstretched hand, but then took it and intertwined her fingers as they carried on walking.

Hand in hand they walked along the row of graves. Sawyer had been back once since he made it back to the island. Mainly to see the grave that was right next to Jack's. He just had to see it with his own eyes.

She stopped right in front of the grave that read 'Jack Shephard' carved into a wooden cross, but then her eyes fell to the grave right next to his and she blurted out in surprise, "Juliet?" Kate let go of his hand and craned her neck to look back and up at him. "Miles and you carried her all the way here to bury her?"

"No," he shook his head, "We didn't."

She looked up at him confused, "Then why is her grave here? I don't understand …"

He interrupted her, "Shortly after we left, Hurley had her dug up and brought out here to get buried." He swallowed hard, his eyes twitching nervously … he was obviously uneasy talking about the other woman he'd once loved.

"Oh." Was all Kate could muster at first as she looked back at Jack's grave and then back at Juliet's right beside his. Then she asked, "And how do you feel about that? I mean, aren't you mad that they dug her back up after you buried her?"

He had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could answer, "At first I was pretty hot about it. Hurley almost got his ass kicked the day I found out …" He sighed then added, "… but then he said that he did it because she belonged with the rest of the people we loved and lost. Said that she didn't belong out there by herself somewhere in the jungle." He paused again and was just about to say it, but Kate beat him to it.

"I guess that makes sense if he put it that way." She glanced back at him for a second, then looked back at the graves and to Sawyers surprise she reached for his hand again.

It seemed almost surreal to either one of them. Standing here hand in hand as husband and wife in front of Jack and Juliets graves.

The silence got too much for him to take. He pulled his hand out of hers and said, "You know, I can give you a minute … alone I mean."

She looked back at him unsure of what to say. Their eyes locked on one another, "It's alright Freckles. Trust me, I get it … I'll be right over there, trying to get my tent set up again for tonight."

She just nodded at him, and as he turned away to walk away she spoke up, "James?"

He turned back around again and without a warning she placed a fast and innocent kiss on his lips. Standing on her tiptoes, her palms flat on his chest, she whispered, "Thank you."

He just nodded now, glanced back at the two graves in his line of sight right behind her, then smiled slightly at her before he turned and walked away.

Kate settled into the sand at the foot of Jacks grave. She felt the sudden urge to get a million things off her chest, but at the same time she thought about what Sawyer had said. That he'd seen him and had actually talked to him, his ghost, spirit or whatever - meaning anything she would say right here right now she would just be saying to an empty shell buried in the sand. Frustrated with that notion she started to cry.

Sawyer watched her from further down the beach. Even with all the distance between them he could tell she was crying. The way she bowed her head and wiped at her face … yeah, she was definitely crying.

For the life of him he couldn't understand why that sight made him jealous.

How the hell can I be jealous of a dead man? And hasn't she cried more than enough tears for me as well?

He sunk down in the sand for a moment, disgusted with himself for feeling the way that he did. He just couldn't stand the thought that she was still in love with Jack. It bothered him more then he'd like to admit.

His thoughts went back to the day when he'd told Horace that he wasn't in love with Kate anymore. He had flat out lied about everything. He was good at lying. Had managed to lie his way right into the Head of Security position at their little Dharma compound. Lying came to him as easily as breathing, so why not use that trade for a good cause for once. So he had lied when he had said that he couldn't even remember her face anymore. The truth was that he remembered everything about her.

That goofy grin of hers. The famous eye-roll she seemed to only do for him or because of him. The way she bit her bottom lip sometimes when she was lost in her thoughts. The way she bit her nails when she was nervous and thought that no one was watching. And those freckles. Ohhh how he just loved those stupid little imperfections on her porcelain skin.

Never in a million years would he have thought that he would fall for a tomboy with god damn freckles. But he had, and he remembered her face all too well back then. He remembered because he saw her face in his dreams. Not every night, -that would be a flat out lie again- but more nights than not.

So he knew damn well that three years was not long enough to get over somebody.

He glanced back at Kate sitting by Jacks grave. Why the hell would he expect her to be completely over Jack when it hadn't even been 2 years yet?

He shook his head to himself and got up off the ground again to get started fixing up his shelter for the night. It was a scorching hot day, which usually meant it would probably rain before too long. His eyes wandered upwards, scanning the sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight … at least not yet. But that's how it always seemed to happen on this damn island. The hottest days turned into rain before nightfall.

"Need a hand with that?"

Surprised by her voice he turned his head to find her standing right behind him with her arms crossed in front of her. He nodded at her and said, "You can tie the rope to the tree while I try to get the tarp reattached all around."

They worked in silence for a few moments, until Sawyer decided to break the awkwardness and lighten the mood again. What better way to do just that then ask her the obvious.

"Since we're only fixing up my little condo by the beach I take it you're stayin' the night Freckles?"

She looked over at him, now helping him with the tarp and said, "Technically speaking we're fixing up my condo for the night."

He raised his eyebrows and with a confused, yet clearly amused look in his eyes as he questioned what she'd just said, "Oh really? How do you figure that?"

"My husband was so generous to leave me everything in his will." She grinned up at him. She couldn't believe that she was actually able to joke about what he had done to her less than two month ago.

"Funny." He smirked with relief at the lightheartedness in her words. "Well, technically I'm still as hot blooded as ever sassafras. Alive and well, so …"

She interrupted him before he could go on, "So if you're still alive and well then I guess it's still my tent too. Because what's yours is mine then, right?" Smiling green eyes met his blue ones once again.

He chucked focusing his attention to the task at hand again, then smirked and said, "You got it Sweetheart, but just remember those were your words not mine when I want some of yours later on tonight!"

She rolled her eyes, "You're just incapable of carrying on a conversation with me that doesn't somehow end up being an invitation for sex."

"What can I say Lollipop? You just manage to bring out the best in me." He glanced down at her and she chuckled, even though she'd tried not to.

* * *

><p>(Continuation of last chapters) Flashback<p>

"Don't move, hon'. I'll get that." He still panted as he kneeled between her still spread out legs and she found herself thankful for the darkness of his tent. The moonlight at least was somewhat flattering, she thought.

He leaned over her, placing one hand flat beside her head, pinning some of her curls to the ground in the process. With his other hand he rifled through a bag or suitcase behind her.

Mesmerized she watched his muscular chest move along with the movement of his arm and as if he was sensing her eyes on him he looked down at her smirking but he didn't say anything else.

I should just say it. I should just tell him. It might not be the most romantic moment but it seems so right to tell him now.

I love you James, the words echoing in her head. But she just can't bring herself to tell him out loud. Can't tell him that he misunderstood about the other night. Can't tell him that that night wasn't just about her using him. Can't tell him tonight wasn't just about her using him either. Can't tell him so many things. But she wishes she could.

She'd never thought twice about putting her life on the line whenever she signed up for some mission into the jungle. If she could only be brave enough to put her heart on the line … just this once.

He finally found what he had been looking for. A blue cotton t-shirt. He sat back on his haunches as he reached for the water bottle next to them on the sandy ground.

The moonlight putting his washboard abs on full display as it was shining through the window of the fuselage piece that served as the side of his tent.

And he wasn't the least bit shy. He knew that he looked good naked. And from the look in her eyes he knew that she thought so too.

He unscrewed the cap of the water bottle and poured some of the liquid onto the blue t-shirt.

Before he replaced the cap he looked up and held the open container out to her. "Thirsty?"

She nodded, bracing herself up on one arm she took the water with her other hand and drank. He watched her with the most adorable expression on his face. Silently she handed the bottle back to him, he took a drink now too, replaced the lid and tossed it aside.

She flinched for a second when the wet fabric first grazed her delicate skin. "Cold?" He asked surprised after she'd flinched.

Kate just nodded and watched him proceed to clean the whitish creamy substance off her abdomen. Then he gently wiped over her inner thighs, grazing her delicate folds along the way which 'caused an involuntary movement of her hips.

He smirked at that, "Still pretty sensitive!" he wasn't voicing it as a question, so she didn't bother to answer as she watched him now wipe the rest off of himself.

Casually he tossed the shirt aside into the corner of his normally well kept tent. He reached for the water bottle, took a large swig out of it and threw it back onto the sand once again.

Then he proceeded making himself comfortable next to her in all his glorious nakedness. There was no need for words right now. This dance somehow spoke volumes, as if they'd done this a million times before. How she lifted her head so that he could slide his arm underneath her. Her resting her head on his shoulder and him kissing her temple softly.

This moment in complete silence struck her as so much more intimate then what they had just done a few moments ago. She wondered if Sawyer felt the same.

But it didn't take long before lying here naked next to him left her feeling more exposed then she felt during the act itself. It wasn't being naked with him that bothered her, just the thought that somebody could burst through that tarp door at any moment that left her feeling vulnerable. And as if he knew that. As if he remembered that from the cages and from two nights ago, he reached to the side with his free hand and pulled up an airline blanket that he proceeded to drape across her and him.

The gesture seemed so sweet, she thought. She craned her neck to place a gentle kiss on his lips, as a thank you of sorts. As she pulled away from the kiss and their eyes locked on one another, they both saw it.

This is more than just post coital cuddling. This is more than just sex … this is so much more!

They must have dozed off in each others arms for a little while, but Sawyer woke up when his stomach growled out of hunger. He gently pulled his arm out from under her, pulled the blanket aside and started to pull his jeans back on … not bothering with his boxers.

She rubbed her eyes sleepily, then watched him pull his boots on and said, "Are you going somewhere?"

He turned to look at her, "You made me miss dinner."

She braced herself up on her arms and chuckled, "Sorry."

He grinned back at her again, "Anyway … I'm gettin' some grub. You hungry?"

"Yes." She sat up holding the blanket up to her chest with one hand as she was trying to gather her clothes with her other hand.

"No need to get dressed, I get you something."

She looked up at him as she thought about it. That expectant look in his eyes was still something she'd have to get used to, and the way it made her heart ache … but in a good way. So she let her clothes fall back to the ground, "'kay."

He smiled clearly satisfied with her surrendering gesture and as he buttoned up his shirt he said, "May I take your order, Ma'am?" His adorable dimples on display … barely visible in the dark tent.

She smiled back at him, "I'll have whatever you're having?"

He crawled on top of her and kissed her, then withdrew and grinned, "Comin' right up."

She positioned two of the tiny airline pillows under her head as she tried to make herself comfortable again. But it was only a second or two before she pulled on her panty and tank top. She didn't bother with the bra. Left it lying there in the sand on full display, hoping that he'd see it when he walked back in and see it as a sign of meeting somewhere in the middle. The middle meaning she got dressed, but only halfway.

Sawyer peeked into the pot that was sitting on top of their bamboo island kitchen counter. Whatever it was, it sure smelled good and brought back memories of his childhood. That's when he realized that it was Oatmeal.

"Yes, you may." Roses voice startled him and he spun around and looked at her. Pointing towards the pot she said, "I made that oatmeal and yes, you may have some."

He smiled back politely at her, "Thanks."

Rose just nodded smiling back at him. Then she disappeared again as quickly and quietly as she had appeared.

Sawyer started looking for two bowls, placing them next to the pot of Oatmeal when seemingly out of nowhere Jack appeared. Apparently he was also looking for something to eat.

"Sawyer." He nodded his head greeting him.

Sawyer nodded back, "Doc."

Sawyer started filling up the first bowl and noticed that Jack was watching him now.

Aaahaaa, the doc had noticed the second bowl. It's about god damn fucking time.

Sawyer filled up the second bowl now, pretending he hadn't noticed Jacks obvious stare. But then he put the bowl down again, turned towards him and said, "Let's have it."

Jack was startled, he was now the one pretending, "What?"

"From the looks of it you've got something on your mind Doc, so let's have it."

Jack chuckled annoyed, grabbed a box of something dharma and turned to walk away, "Good night Sawyer."

Sawyer grinned back at him clearly satisfied that he was able to mess with Jack this easily. Then he dug two spoons out of a bin, dropped one into each bowl before picking them up.

That's when Jack couldn't hold back anymore, he turned back towards Sawyer and looking really pissed off he huffed, "There's no rescue in sight, Locke blew up the submarine and ... " Jack paused clearly flustered and frustrated. He didn't want to talk. What he'd really like to do was beat the crap out of the smug southern bastard standing in front of him.

Sawyer smiled at the fact that Jack was losing his cool so easily. But then again, what else was new!

"Go on Doc, I'm all ears." Holding both bowls strategically in his hands so that Jack could not miss them.

Jack had calmed himself enough to continue speaking, in a hushed voice because he didn't want the entire camp to know about this, "Two nights ago I saw her come out of your tent in the middle of the night."

Trying to refrain from jumping up and down in triumph he just grinned and said, "Ahhh, so that's what this is really about. Kate and me. And now what? You're gonna step into the protective big brother role and tell me if I break her heart you'll kick my ass? That pretty much it, Jackass?" Sawyer tried to walk past him, but Jack stepped in his way.

"Are you using protection?" Jack spoke up again quietly.

Sawyer started to laugh, "I don't see how that's any of you fucking business Doc. But I tell you what. You find yourself a nice flat rock, chisel down a prescription for some birth control pills and I'll be sure to pick 'em up for her at the bedrock pharmacy. You know the one right next to the rock quarry where Fred, Freckles and I haul rocks away on big fat fucking dinosaurs."

His right arm waved in the direction of Juliet's tent, a bowl still clutched between his fingers. "Your girlfriend over there knows where it is."

Sawyer didn't even give Jack time to respond and just stepped around him to walk on, that's when Jack grabbed his arm and spun him back around to face him, "Sawyer I've dug through your stash enough times to know you have condoms in there too. All I'm saying is use them."

He grinned, acting mockingly coy and even looked around to see if anyone could be listening in before he answered Jack, "She just doesn't like the feel of it, you know. Doesn't like the feel of anything coming between us." Salt in the open wound … Kate would be ashamed of him if she could hear this.

And he could just see it. That look of disgust and fury in Jack's eyes. The lit fuse had just about reached its end and Jack was mere seconds away from blowing up.

But then Sawyer thought to better let it go. Why ruin such a perfect night with Freckles? "We'll have to continue this some other time Doc." Shoving both bowls into Jacks face so he'd have to look at them again he said, "Girl's gotta eat to regain her strength, and frankly so do I." For onlookers – if there had been any – the big fat smile on Sawyers face looked almost cute. But to Jack it looked pure evil.

So again he started to walk away, when Jack called after him.

"Did she tell you?"

Sawyer groaned in annoyance and turned around again, "Did she tell me what?"

Jack stepped towards him to narrow the gap between him and Sawyer, because he didn't want the entire camp to hear what he was going to say next, "Did she tell you what happens to pregnant women on this island? Did she tell you that they die?"

Sawyer froze in place. And just like that he'd lost the upper hand in this conversation. His eyes avoiding Jacks when his smile faded. The smug expression had disappeared as he simply nodded, suggesting that she had in fact told him.

Jack continued in a hushed voice yet strangely he still managed to sound accusatory towards Sawyer, "So you don't care about her dying? Because that's what what's going to happen Sawyer, if she ends up pregnant."

He thought about that for a moment. Of course he didn't want her to die and for Jack to even suggest that he didn't care about Kate infuriated him. So instead of acknowledging it he decided to turn this argument around. Spin the wheel and pick a new topic, one that he could keep the upper hand and beat the self-righteous Jackass at his own game.

With a smug smile he looked back up to met Jacks eyes once again, "You know what I think Jack?"

Jack just stared back at him, almost looking eager to hear what Sawyer was about to say next.

"I think you're just pissed off that she picked me. How dare she pick the dumb hick over the doctor after everything you've done to help her? That's it, ain't it Doc?"

Jack shook his head in an 'I can't believe you're going there'-kind of way and now he turned and wanted to walk away, but Sawyer went after him. Throwing the bowls full of oatmeal back onto the kitchen counter, then grabbed Jack's arm and spun him back around, "We ain't done here Doc."

Jack jerked his arm out of Sawyers grip and said, "Yes, we are."

"The hell we are." Sawyer spat back at him, and continued with his speech. "She was your little pet project, wasn't she? Rehabilitating the pretty girl fugitive, ain't that right? But then it all went to hell when you realized she had a fucking mind of her own. She doesn't wanna move to the damn caves with you. That was your first breakup, wasn't it? And then to add oil to the flame she dared to give a damn about me. That is why you yelled at her that time she wanted to come with us to find Michael, ain't it? She had spent a little too much time with me so you dropped her like a bad habit."

Jacks face grimaced in pain, but he was standing there as if he was glued to the ground beneath him. Unable to move as Sawyer rambled on. "But lucky for you along came Ana-Lucia. The newest outcast in need of your help after she shot Shannon. When Ana-Lucia was around you didn't give Kate the time of day. But then she died."

Sawyer picked up the bowls of food once again then glanced back at Jack. A smile formed on Sawyers lips again as he nodded towards Juliets tent, "The whole camps pretty shook up that you brought her here. Looks like you found yourself another girl to rehabilitate. And who knows, maybe this one will stick with you for a change. So how about I worry about my girl and you worry about yours."

Now Sawyer turned and walked away again, leaving Jack standing in the kitchen. Then he turned around and said, "Oh, and about those rubbers. You can have'em if you like, I got no use for them. They don't fit. Too small for me, but I'm sure they fit you just fine."

After eating dinner together and more lovemaking Kate and him went back to sleep again. But when he woke up the next morning she'd already left … again!

"Morning sunshine." He blurted out when he found her sitting down in the sand near the ocean, further down the beach.

She craned her neck and held her hand above her eyes as she tried to look up at him, "Morning."

Waiting for an invitation from her to sit, he hesitated for a second. When he realized that she wasn't going to ask he just sat down uninvited.

"Darndest thing happened to me?" he picked up a shell he saw halfway buried in the sand.

She looked over at him expecting him to go on with his story, and he did, "Had this hot chick with me last night but then she was gone when the sun came up this morning."

Kate tried not to chuckle too amused, but Sawyer wasn't even done just yet. "She just ravished me last night and then just up and leaves while it's still dark out and I'm asleep. No note on the pillow. No number so I can reach her. Just used me and left. Hell, I'd even brought her dinner." He looked over at her and grinned, "Now who would do such a thing?"

She looked back at him and simply stated, "You! I can just picture you doing such a thing?"

He had to laugh at this, because he knew damn well she was speaking the truth. He'd done exactly that countless times.

Silence again as they both looked out onto the waves that fizzled out right before they made it to their feet.

Then she nudged him with her elbow, locked eyes with him and said sincerely, "Thank you for last night James."

His heart was beating so fast he wondered for a second if this is what a heart attack feels like. He'd just lost all his cool … didn't know what to say to something like that. Not with her looking at him like that.

And when he said nothing, she spoke up again, her voice sounding stern and serious. The lightheartedness from just moments ago completely vanished when she changed the subject, "I don't trust her James. She shouldn't be here. She …"

Sawyer interrupted her catching on quickly that she was talking about Juliet, "Of course you don't. And neither do I."

She stammered on the words, "W-why is that, James? Why … why do you feel the same way I do about her and Jack doesn't? He acts like he hadn't been held captive with us. I just don't get it."

He sighed having to talk about Jack again, but at least they were on the same page for once, "He doesn't get it Freckles because he wasn't there when she had a god damn gun to your head." He threw the shell in the water and continued, "I get it because I know she would've shot you."

"More and more people are losing their trust in him. Sun was even worried just because he asked her how she's doing with her pregnancy. And he just doesn't get it or he just doesn't care anymore."

Sawyer could've rubbed it in, could've said he deserves that people are suspicious when he chooses to protect one of them, but he didn't. He didn't because for once Kate had enough doubt in the Doc and his reasons to protect Juliet without him butting in. He could be the honest to god bigger and better man for once by not saying the obvious thing out loud.

He was thoroughly pleased with himself and this conversation with _his girl_ … anything he'd add to it now could only be to his disadvantage. So for once Sawyer did the total opposite of what came natural to him. For once he quit while he was ahead and kept his big fat mouth shut.

Shortly after that Kate got up to go on about her day. She was going to gather some fruit further down the beach. Sawyer had first declined to help her out with that until he noticed Jack watching them from further down the beach.

"Fine, I'll go." He held his hand out again for her to pull him up.

She did and he leaned in for a kiss, but she diverted. And Jack saw it all.

"Don't do that, James." She spoke up before he could.

"What?" he seemed annoyed, "Last night my lips were allowed everywhere and now I can't even kiss ya'."

She took a step back, "I'm not that kind of girl."

He looked at her suspiciously, "You're not what kind of girl?"

"I don't do the kissing in public thing. It's not …" She paused looking to the ground like a child explaining what bad thing she'd been caught doing, "It's just not what I do."

This was ridiculous considering she'd kissed him for the inhalers in public. She'd kissed him back surrounded by the others in the damn rock quarry.

But he had to way his options here. He could argue about this and possibly let Jack witness her storming away, or he could try to be cool about this and be what she wants him to be. He chose the latter.

So he smiled, "You really are like a guy, ain't ya' honey?"

The lightheartedness in his voice threw her eyes upward again to meet his, "What?"

He grinned, "Ain't it usually the guy that doesn't like the whole public display of affection?"

She laughed at that as they started walking to gather the fruit. Then she grabbed a hold of his arm and said, "Well, if I'm the guy, then what does that make you?"

Their nightly ritual continued that night. Sex – Dinner – Sex – Sleep. Then she left again before the sun came up.

But the following night was different. Kate awoke with a sharp pain in her stomach. But she ignored it and remained lying there for a while with her arms wrapped around Sawyer. It wasn't her usual time to get up and leave him. Sunrise was still hours away and she'd come to like being next to him.

But then she could feel the moisture between her legs and realized that she had started her period. Naturally she was relieved because it meant she wasn't pregnant. But now she needed to get up and clean herself up before Sawyer would want to go for 'round 3'!

Carefully she got up and started to pull on her pants when Sawyer stirred in his sleep.

When he saw her, he said with a husky sleepy voice, "Hey, where you going?"

"I can't sleep if I'm not in my own tent."

Sawyer wondered why she'd never said that before but still too tired to argue about it he just sighed a little annoyed, "Fine, let's go to your tent." He grabbed his shirt and started to put it on.

Kate paused, unsure of what to say to him without hurting his feelings. She'd let him get so close. Closer than any man in her past, but she had to draw the line somewhere. She could just see him cracking some stupid pms-joke at her expense if she told him. So for the moment she just said, "Um... it's nothing personal, it's just... old habits, you know?" Hoping he'd take the hint and not pick a fight.

Sawyer looked at her suspiciously and also with a glimmer of disappointment. But then he just pushed her away in a joking manner and said, "Fine, scram."

She laughed in relief that he'd taken it so easily. No questions asked.

He smiled up at her, "You want me to walk you home?"

She grinned back, "It's five tents, I think I'll make it."

"Sure? I gotta pee anyway."

She smiled, "That is so romantic."

Kate leaned in and Sawyer chuckled before they kissed. Then she left his tent for the rest of the night.

The following morning …

Kate had been looking for Sawyer all day, but he was nowhere to be found. She was feeling better, but now there were other things on her mind. Like the possible rescue thanks to the woman named Naomi that had been hiding in Hurley's tent.

She didn't regret telling Jack, even though Sayid had asked her not to, but who she really wanted to tell was Sawyer.

Finally she'd found Sawyer with Sayid standing outside Juliet's tent,

"What are you doing?"

Sayid and Sawyer both turned to look at her and Sayid answered, "Looking for Juliet."

"Well, you're not gonna find her in there. She left with Jack."

Sayid questioned, "Juliet left with Jack?"

"He took off right after I told him about Naomi."

Now Sawyer chimed in, "Who's Naomi?"

Sayid seemed clearly disappointed with Kate, "And why would you do that, Kate?"

"Because she's hurt, because he's a doctor, and because he has a right to know."

Sawyer watched on as Sayid questioned Kate further, "Where is he now?"

"I dunno, Sayid."

"Of course you don't."

He begins to walk away, when Kate calls after him. "You know, it might be time for you to tell everybody else about Naomi, too."

Sayid turned back around again while walking away and looked at Saywer, "Play her the tape!"

Kate turned towards Sawyer with a questioning look in her eyes, "What tape?"

Kate locked eyes with Sawyer and he looked away uncomfortably and sighed, "Let's go to my tent, we can talk there."

Sawyer told her about Locke giving him the tape and played it for her. Kate finally revealed to him that Juliet had taken Sun to the medical station and had examined her there. She also told him everything she knew about Naomi and about the plane that had been found on the bottom of the ocean. Full with bodies.

Sawyer didn't mention the part about killing Locke's father. How that son of a bitch had ripped his old wound wide open again. He'd thought that killing him would give him some sort of peace, but it hadn't. In fact it had done the opposite. His emotions were running high. He was disgusted with himself for what he'd done … although that had always been his plan. But in the end revenge had only managed to add to his suffering, not lessen it. And Kate had tried several times to get more information out of him about what exactly what had happened when he was with Locke but Sawyer wasn't given her any detail at all, avoiding it all with stupid responses like, 'Doesn't matter' or 'That's not important'. So eventually Kate got the hint that he didn't want to talk about it and so she stopped asking him.

As for herself, seeing the change in Sawyers demeanor towards her she'd decided to not lay all her cards on the table either. So Kate had seemingly no intentions of letting Sawyer know that she wasn't pregnant. She wasn't about to discuss this with him, when he was clearly keeping things from her. She had been bleeding heavily all day. More than any other time. She knew something wasn't quite right, but in her mind this was a private matter. Bad enough that her name was mentioned on the tape … everyone would wonder why out of all the female survivors she was the only one – besides Sun – who had been mentioned by name.

She knew that once everyone heard the tape it wouldn't be a far stretch for them all to realize that she'd been sleeping with Sawyer. So for her Sawyer's feelings weren't her priority at the moment. She didn't want everyone talking about her, but also knew in order to convince people that Juliet was in fact a mole, they would have to play the tape for the group.

For the first time ever both of them just sat there across from one another in Sawyers tent. Neither of them knew what else to say that they hadn't already discussed over and over again. They'd argued about her telling Jack about Naomi. Sawyer was siding with Sayid in the matter; in his eyes Jack was not to be trusted anymore. Kate disagreed, defending her decision to tell Jack about Naomi. They both knew this was the wrong time to turn on each other, so they just sat there not talking until a voice outside of the tent interrupted the awkward silence.

It was Sayid, "Sawyer, may I come in?"

Sawyer looked at Kate for confirmation before he answered, "Yeah, come on in."

When Sayid pushed the tarp aside and saw Kate sitting there he immediately asked, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt …"

Kate interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, "You're not interrupting anything. He played me the tape and we were just talking."

Sawyer seemed unaffected by Kates words.

Sayid sat down on the ground, looking back and forth between Sawyer and Kate when he said, "Jack and Juliet are still nowhere to be found. It's already dark and I think we should not wait any longer. We need to inform everyone about Naomi and what we have discovered about Juliet before they come back. Do both of you agree?"

Sawyer and Kate looked at each other and then both nodded in unison, then Sawyer simply said, "Guess it's time to call a townhall meeting."

Several hours later ...

Sawyer was slowly walking towards his tent when Kate caught up with him.

"Hey." She spoke up trying to get his attention.

He stopped and turned to look at her. She stopped right in front of him, then she looked around as some of the other survivors were passing by to go to their tents. She waited for them to be out of earshot before she spoke up, "Jack said he wants to show us what his plan is in the morning."

He just replied dryly, "I attended the same meeting. I heard what he said Kate."

She was a little taken back by his hostile attitude towards her, but then again that made what she was about to say a little easier on her part. "We gotta get up early for that hike, so … well, just thought I'd let you know I'm gonna stay at my tent tonight. So you wouldn't wait up for nothing."

Sawyer sighed sounding annoyed, "Had no intentions of waiting up anyways."

And with that he just turned and walked away, leaving Kate completely dumbfounded why he was acting this way towards her. But she couldn't worry about that now; she had other things on her mind as she headed towards her tent.

Sawyer was just about to head inside, when Jack caught up with him, "Hey."

Sawyer turned around displaying exaggerated annoyance, "What now?"

Jack looked around to see if anyone was listening in, similar to what Kate had done just moments ago. Sawyer noticed ironically, as he waited for the Doc to finally speak up.

Seeing that the coast was clear, Jack finally spoke in a hushed voice, "You've heard what they said on that tape. You've heard what Ben said."

Sawyer nodded, "Yeah, I heard. So now you came to say 'I told you so'?"

Rendering Jack temporary speechless, because that was exactly why he'd come to talk to Sawyer. Quickly remembering what he'd planned to say he spoke up, "They want her because they think she might be pregnant. And you did that. So the fact that they are after her is because of you. Them wanting her back is on you Sawyer."

Sawyer didn't reply, just gave Jack a look that spoke volumes. Jacks gaze on him had the same intensity, neither of them budging. If looks alone could kill they'd both be dead instantly.

He wanted to hit him. Pictured in his head how nice it would be to get all this build up anger in him out by beating the crap out of the hero. But he just couldn't do it. He was at the point of giving up altogether. Jack was right … and it ate him up inside. If anything happened to Kate. If the others got a hold of her again, especially now that rescue seemed imminent, he didn't know what he'd do.

As the camp had finally settled down for the night, she'd decided to take a dip in the ocean to clean up. She was still bleeding so much more than any other month, and the cramps hadn't stopped either. But she wasn't the whining type, no way she'd be complaining about menstrual cramps when Claire had delivered a baby without any pain medicine at all.

But then as she found herself standing waist deep in freezing temperature water in the darkness of the night, she'd come to her senses. Maybe washing up in the shark infested ocean while bleeding profusely wasn't the smartest thing to do. So she quickly cleaned up, dried up and returned to her tent. Trying to get warmed up again and to get some sleep … but that was easier said than done as she found herself holding her stomach in pain for most of the night. But stubborn as she was she didn't tell anyone or even made a sound. Instead she suffered through it all alone and in silence, unwilling to acknowledge to herself what this meant.

She wasn't just having her period. She was losing Sawyers baby.

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	34. Chapter 34 I still freaking love you

The tarp was firmly reattached, the broken bamboo sticks that held up the side of the tent were replaced with new ones as well. Overall it looked almost as good as it had the last time Kate had seen it over 4 years ago.

Kate looked up towards the sky, but the sun was still burning down on them and right now it didn't look like it would rain. But she had the same notion as Sawyer had, thinking that it probably would come pouring down by tonight.

Trying to get some relief from the sun, she sat down in the shade of the tent, stretching her legs out in front of her. Never in her life had she ever felt this physically tired. She'd been on the run for three years. Always on alert, always on the lookout. She's been on hikes through this jungle that went on for hours, sometime even days … but lately she was just exhausted from the moment she woke up.

Her eyes graced the beach and tents, when she noticed Sawyer standing outside Jin and Sun's tent. Wondering what he was doing there, she looked on and then she realized that he was talking … but nobody was there. At least not that she could see.

Her throat closed up, thinking immediately that it must be Jack. Should she go over there? She didn't know what to do. This seemed all too weird.

Then without warning, Sawyer moved the flap aside and disappeared into the tent. That's when Kate couldn't restrain her curiosity any longer. She got up and basically ran over there, following him into the tent without giving him a warning.

He looked up at her from his position kneeling on the sandy ground when she came bursting through the flap of Jin's and Sun's old shelter.

"What are you doing in here?" She watching him looking through a suitcase sitting on the ground, full with Sun's old clothing and other belongings.

"I'm looking for something." He stated back at her as if it wasn't obvious enough.

She rolled her eyes at that and said, "I can see that, but … I don't think we should be in here. It feels … it just doesn't feel right being here and going through their stuff James." She waited for him to respond.

"Aaaaha, found it." He said enthusiastically, and to her surprise he pulled a book out from the second suitcase he'd opened. Then he turned around, looked at Kate before handing her the book, "Here, it's for you."

"What?" She asked before she even had a chance to register the book he was holding out in front of her. Then she took it, turned it around – because it was upside down – to read the title.

"What to expect when you're expecting." She read the title out loud. She was clearly confused looking to Sawyer for answers.

She didn't even have to ask, because by the look on her face Sawyer could see that she was looking for an explanation. So he started to explain, "I found that (he pointed towards the book) in the same suitcase I'd found the pregnancy test in. Guess somebody had been pretty eager to be a mama. Anyway, after Sun asked me for the test and then you came and told me that she was pregnant … figured I might as well give her the book too."

A smile formed on Kates face as she looked at him in that lovey dovey kinda way, thinking that he'd done something nice for Sun.

Sawyer threw the suitcase shut again, got to his feet, then added, "Good reads were getting harder to come by around here, but even I wasn't that desperate."

He pushed open the flap and headed outside, held it aside for her to step out too, so she did.

Both of them started walking back towards their tent, when Kate couldn't bite her tongue any longer. She just had to ask, "Was that Jack you were talking to?"

Turning around at her he asked confused, "What?"

She pointed back towards Sun's tent, "I saw you standing there talking to … someone. Was it Jack?"

He chuckled at first, but a little embarrassed he said, "No, I wasn't talkin' to the Doc."

Kate opened her mouth to speak but Sawyer beat her to it, "Figured if Jack's roaming around, then … just thought I should ask permission first before I go into someone tent, that's all."

Kate trying to process what she had just heard him say, "So you were talking to Sun and Jin? Asking permission to go into their tent?" She had to bite back the grin that was forming on her lips. "But they weren't really there?"

He was definitely embarrassed when he glanced back over his shoulder and saw her face grimacing into a big fat goofy grin, "Yeah, yeah … go on and have yourself a good old giggle, why don't ya'? But you just wait and see when you have your first encounter with a damn ghost … it changes things." He took a drink from the water bottle he'd dug out of his backpack while they were talking, then added. "Just because we can't see them, doesn't mean they ain't there sassafras."

Then the smug smile disappeared from her lips when she was remembering her ghost encounter in the hatch again. The way she had thought that Wayne could be in Sawyers body in that moment was contradicting anything she was feeling for the wounded man lying in that bunk bed.

How she ran off, kept seeing that horse too … but Charlie couldn't see it. And she remembered how she'd kissed Jack, desperately wanting and wishing to feel something … anything. Wishing to feel the same if not more for him as what she was feeling for Sawyer. Because loving Jack would've been so much easier. But when she realized that kissing Jack didn't compare the least to that first kiss with Sawyer, so she ran again. She ran because she couldn't deny her feelings any longer.

And of course she ran because with that stupid kiss and that look in Jack's eyes she knew she'd just started something she had no intentions of pursuing anymore. It wasn't that she didn't care about Jack. It wasn't that at all. She cared deeply for him, as a matter of fact she had loved him too but after that kiss in had become clear as day that it wasn't the same kind of love she was feeling towards Sawyer. And she hated herself for always falling for the man she shouldn't have, couldn't have. Tom, Kevin and now Sawyer. – 'You can't help who you love.'

And as if Sawyer could read her mind he said, "Besides, you said yourself that you've seen a ghost in the hatch … so I ain't crazy princess!" He paused, taking another big swig from the bottle, emptying it all the way, "Speaking of which, are you ready to tell me about the hatch ghost?"

She shook her head, "No, not yet."

He noticed that she wasn't smiling anymore, as a matter of fact she looked a little upset, so he decided to let it go again for the time being. "Later then?"

She nodded, "Yeah, later."

She took a glance down at the book in her hand now, passed by Sawyer to find a shady spot in the tent again and started looking through the book.

He watched her rather curiously as she rifled through the pages, clearly not really reading anything. It didn't take her long before she shoved the book inside her backpack, and made herself comfortable lying down.

He glanced over to her from his spot on the old worn out airplane seat right outside his tent, then he asked, "What are you doing?"

She lifted her head to meet his eyes, "I'm taking a nap. Why?"

"No reason. It's just … I don't think I've ever seen you nappin' in the middle of the day, that's all?" He thought about it for a moment then added, "Well, except for when we did the dirty, then we both usually napped a little afterwards."

"I'm just really tired." She said before she yawned, and for some reason it made him smile. It didn't take long before she was fast asleep.

Sitting there all alone in his old familiar spot, he scanned the beach up and down. Wondering if and when they'd show up again to rescue Kate and him. Wondering why they hadn't waited for them in the first place.

It wasn't long before he grew bored with his own thoughts, so he looked over at the stack of magazines. Picked up the one on top - 'Booty babes '- and was just about to open it up when something changed his mind. His eyes wandered over to her backpack where one corner of the book was peeking out of the opened zipper.

He threw the magazine back at the pile and instead pulled the book out of her backpack and started to look through it himself. He had told her the truth when he'd said that he'd never had any interest in reading it before. But that was then.

Things were different now. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad of an idea to know what was in store for her if she really was pregnant. He glanced back at her sleeping form on his old 'bed', then went to the index in the very back of the book.

Eagerly turning the page to 'F'. He began tracing his big calloused index finger down the f's, looking for 'fatigue' when he stopped at the third f-word from the top instead.

'Fainting, 236 -237', and anemia, 208. See also Dizziness' it read. Curious now he turned to page 208 and started reading, followed by page 236 and 237.

A little while later he closed the book, feeling just a tiny bit smarter now in the whole baby department. He got up and moved his seat around so that he could keep an eye on her while she was sleeping. Leaned forward from his seat, grabbed the 'Booty babes' magazine and started 'reading' it.

Kate sleepily sat up and rubbed at her eyes. It still wasn't dark yet and it wasn't raining yet either when she found her way out of the tent. She didn't know why, but she immediately started to panic when she scanned the camp and beach and couldn't see him.

"Sawyer?" she yelled out first, but then shook her head bewildered to herself.

"James?" she yelled this time.

Relieved when she saw him moments later coming out of the jungle waving his hand. "What's up?"

"Where were you?"

He came closer now, tossing a mango her way. "Getting us something else to eat other than fish."

Then he saw that look in her eyes, "You thought I split?"

"No." she pretended. "It's just, I woke up and you were gone. Just didn't know where you were, that's all."

"Didn't go far, babe. Was already on my way back when I heard you yellin' for me."

He had an armful of fruit that he carefully put inside his pack now before he sat down in the sand with one mango still in his hand.

"Sit." He pointed towards the airline seat and she sat down.

He dug out his pocketknife, opened it, wiped the blade off on his pants first and then proceeded to cut the mango. Handed it to her so she could start eating. Took the other mango from her now and cut that one up for himself.

"How long did I sleep?" she asked him in between bites.

"I'd guess about two hours."

"Two hours?" she asked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah, you slept for quite a while." He paused for a moment, then added, "Looked up 'fatigue' in that baby book. Says it's pretty normal in the first couple months." He paused to take another bite, then added, "Oh, and fainting is fairly common too."

She eyed the book suspiciously, then picked it up with her free hand and opened it up on her lap. Sawyer spoke up again as he watched her turning pages too fast. "There's an index in the back."

She looked up at him for a moment, then turned her attention back to the book and opened the back pages that read index at the top. But unlike him she wasn't looking for 'f' … she was looking for 'a' as in alcohol. Referring her to page 70, she started to read.

After all she had gotten pretty drunk the night she found out that he'd supposedly died, ergo she must have been already pregnant at that point. Kate was more than relieved to read that chances that she'd actually harmed her baby were slim to none.

But the other thing she'd been worried about she couldn't find under the index section. She had had an MRI done the same day that Sawyer had taken off towards that cabin. Her doctor had been so insistent … and now she was wondering if that might have done some damage. Frustrated she put the book down again and finished up the last couple of bites of her mango.

She looked up at Sawyer and suddenly remembering that she hadn't even thanked him. "Thank you James." She said and watched him turn his attention to her.

"For what?"

"The book and the mango." Then she thought about it for a second and said, "The clothes, the raft and rescuing me. Thanks for everything."

That dimple smile she just loved appeared, "Don't sweat it Sweetheart. Was all my pleasure!"

And there it was. Suddenly overcast, the sun was gone, thunder roared and big fat rain drops started to fall, making both of them quickly seek cover within the tent itself. Sawyer grabbed the old first class seat and pulled it in as well, making a gesture with his hand for her to sit down again.

"Just like old times, ain't it?"

Kate just nodded as she plopped herself down onto the seat at the edge of their tent, watching the rain fall down all around them. Sawyer sat down leaning his back against the metal fuselage piece behind him. They both sat there just staring out onto their camp and the beach as everything was getting drenched in rain.

Neither of them really knew how, when or why, but without warning and without speaking their eyes met and as if it had become an unspoken challenge, neither wanting the break the gaze. So they sat there across from each other, staring each other down. If it hadn't been for the seriousness portrait on their faces it could've almost been funny.

Kate finally broke down and looked away first, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, "I really thought we'd make it. I really thought we could somehow have it all and … grow old together." Her voice was full with emotion, but she fought an inner battle with herself to not start crying again. So far her will was stronger than the tears.

"I did too." He replied without having to think about it. But as soon as those three little words had left his mouth he wondered how on earth they'd come to have this conversation now … and here in his tent of all places. His tent, where they always seemed to come together in the moonlight but then would break apart again come morning light. But then again, that seemed like a million years ago.

Neither of them spoke for a moment, and this uncomfortable silence seemed to almost force her to speak up again. "I came back for you." Her voice was still full with emotion, but she'd gotten them in check. Her head held high, chest pushed out a little with her back straightened up. Like she was physically preparing herself for the conversation to continue now. 'Now or never' was what she was thinking.

"I know … but it ain't that simple Sweetheart. I can't … this is … this island is where I'm supposed to be now." He tried to sound truthful, but he did not like where this conversation was heading. And every time he looked at her as he talked about his newfound destiny, he saw that image of her again. That image of her standing in their driveway in L.A. on the day that he'd left her behind.

And then his heart would tell him to drop down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, but his mind told him he had to stay strong and firm to make her believe this is what he truly wants now. The irony in that scenario did not get by him unnoticed. He had spend most of his adult life conning woman after woman into thinking that he cared about them … that he loved them even. And he'd succeeded every single time. And now that he'd found THE ONE. The one he really loved, he had to make her believe that he didn't love her enough to stay. This was the toughest con he'd ever have to see through.

But then she changed the game all together again when she shook her head and confessed, "I'm not talking about now. I'm talking about two years ago, James. Two years ago I came back for you."

Pushing his hands down into the sand to sit up a little straighter, his eyes locked on hers now, "You said you came back for Claire." The accusatory undertone of that statement didn't go unnoticed by Kate.

"I did." She nodded. "I had to fix a big mistake … you know, James, I told you all about Carole showing up at the church. I had to bring Claire back to him, back to Aaron. But I was hoping that … hoping to find you too." She smiled to herself as she shook her head. "And I know that sounds really stupid, I mean if I really think about it, then all of it was just so incredibly stupid. I was just so confused and so out of my mind … I was so naïve when I made this idiotic promise to Carole that I would bring her daughter back to her. I mean I didn't even know if Claire was still alive."

She finally lifted her head to look back at him again, "I didn't know if you were still alive either, but I hoped you were. And I thought that if you were still here, then I'd be different this time. After Aaron … I knew that I could be different. I would try my best to be someone that deserved someone like you. I could be good. Hoping that it wasn't too late for us. Hoping that Cassidy was wrong about you ... that you did love me. But then …" Tears began to fall now rather freely but she was fighting to regain her compose. Looking away from him and trying to catch her breath … and it seemed to work.

He couldn't hold back any longer and repeated the words that had struck him the most, "Deserve someone like me?" He looked at her as if she'd just said the craziest thing he'd ever heard.

He bent forward towards her, lifted her chin with his left hand to get her full attention when he said, "Sweetheart, I wasn't exactly prince charming if you remember." And just like that with the sarcastic yet lighthearted tone of his voice he'd managed to make her laugh in between sobs. "You must have banged your head pretty damn hard when that chopper went down because I damn sure wasn't someone that deserved you."

Kate wiped at her face, unable to speak … unsure of what to say.

He paused for a second then his face grew serious, "Hell babe, before I met you … before you nobody ever gave a damn about me. At least not anyone that I hadn't conned into thinking that I cared for them too. I had never done a good thing in my life before. Your bff Cassie can vouch for that. She'd met the real me, and I know she told you all about him."

Wiping her face with the back of her hand, she retorted rather quickly, "That's not the real you. She doesn't know the real you. I met the real you." Her voice no longer faltering, instead it was stern and serious. "I know the real you James."

Sawyer couldn't look at her anymore, this conversation turning too serious for his liking. But somehow he just couldn't help himself, even after all this time, after everything that had happened and after everyone they'd lost, there were so many things unsaid between them, maybe it was finally time.

She'd be leaving soon and maybe they'd need this talk to move on, maybe she needs this to move on without him. So he swallowed hard before he answered, "Anyhow, I already knew that. Knew you came back for me too. Figured that out last week when you explained to me why you slept with the doc the night before coming back." He paused for a moment, then added, "And … I thought you'd come back for me anyhow. When the doc said that you made him promise to never ask you why, hell I figured that meant you didn't wanna tell him … didn't wanna tell him you came back for me."

Silence … besides the rain falling down around them. Sounding like little rock pebbles as they were hitting the tarp above them.

Kate sat there, her elbows resting on her knees, her eyes closed with her face completely buried in both her hands. His voice startled her.

"So why didn't you tell me?"

She looked up at him, not entirely sure what the exact subject was now.

So he elaborated, "On the dock, why didn't you tell me you came back for me?" His eyes were soft and inviting, his facial features equally soft … he was asking sincerely, not at all sounding accusatory towards her. Not angry at all.

She shifted sideways, her entire body facing him now, her eyes on his, "I wanted to, I really did, but you were in love with Juliet. And she … she had just died, I mean literally just hours ago … how could I just say that to you then? How could I just sit there while you're heartbroken over her and say, 'Oh remember how you asked me why I came back? I came back for you. I came back because I still love you and was hoping you still love me too.'"

She shook her head to herself, eyes downcast towards her own feet, "I wanted to tell you, but after everything … you and her would've gotten away, and she'd still be alive if I hadn't come after you on that sub. How could I be so cruel and declare my love for you when she'd just died in your arms? Who would do something like that?"

He sighed, shaking his head to himself.

And at first she thought he was disgusted with her, but when her eyes met his she read the opposite in his big blue eyes staring back at her. Trying to understand what he was thinking, she asked, "What?"

He looked right at her when he sighed again … obviously uncomfortabe, hesitating for a moment, unsure of how to say this. She waited patiently to hear what he had to say. "When I woke up at the damn temple … you know, after those bastards had jumped Miles and me."

She nodded, so he continued, "When I woke up … when I opened my eyes and …" He waved his hand in a grand gesture, "… there you were again. Taking care of me, like always." Their eyes met again and he continued, "And I knew … I still loved you, but then I got pissed at myself because … because of her. Because of Juliet. Because she'd been right about me … she'd seen right through me and my act. And because she deserved better than that. She deserved someone with enough self control to actually grief her. She deserved someone to grief for her longer then it takes her body to go rigid. So I had to get the hell out of there."

She was still staring at him, "That's why you left?"

He locked eyes again with her and nodded.

Both of them looking at each other in silence once again. Both of them fixated on one another, unable to break the gaze … because this was new. New and heartbreaking … and somehow exciting at the same time. The last time they'd had an honest talk like this was the night before their wedding. The night neither of them could sleep … until they'd talked.

Kate finally spoke up, without removing the intense gaze they were holding. "The Ring."

"What about it?" He said, knowing exactly where this was heading.

And then she said something. It wasn't really how or what she said, but the intensity in her eyes … and for some crazy reason … his mind was playing tricks on him or maybe he was just completely losing his mind. But it was like Juliet was sitting right there. The rain, the seriousness in her eyes … the heartbreaking future lying ahead of them … all in all he was shocked. Stunned. Like someone had just punched him and knocked all the air right out of him …

… and all because Kate said, "Why don't you tell me now?"

Sawyer couldn't take it anymore. He looked away and finally let out the breath he had been holding. Sighing loudly and suddenly nervous like some love-struck teenage boy … he hated the way he felt right then and there.

Kate watched him in awe and seconds felt like hours while she saw him pull away again. Building those walls right back up. Those walls that she thought she'd destroyed a long time ago.

"Why can't you tell me? You were willing to tell me last week? Why can't you tell me now?" She didn't understand him. She couldn't understand him.

He finally gathered enough courage to snap back at her, "Why does it even matter anymore who that stupid ring was meant for? The damn thing's long gone and we've moved on." His eyes had grown angry again, and she hated how he could be loving and sincere one moment and then cold as ice the next.

But she was used to this by now. They are both so much alike. They were two of a kind. So she spat back at him, "Have we James? Have we moved on?"

He looked at her confused and offended, "We're married, ain't we?" His tone of voice anything but sweet.

She snorted in an unflattering fashion, pushing the wet curls out of her face as she looked back out towards the beach, "Yeah, we're married and that just fixes everything!" There was so much sarcasm portrait in that sentence; she almost regretted it the moment it had left her lips.

He was losing his cool now, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." She retorted and got up and started to walk away. Walking out into the rain.

He jumped up himself, quickly grabbing her arm and pulling her back out of the rain and under the protective cover, "What the hell are you saying Kate?"

She looked up at him as she yanked her arm back out of his tight grip, "I mean just because we got married … it means it doesn't just erase all the hurtful things we said and did or doing now. It's pretty damn obvious that we were kidding ourselves if we thought we ever had a chance. Just saying 'I do' doesn't fix anything. A promise like that's no good if you can't keep it, James."

He was so angry but also clearly hurt by her words, "Look, I always knew that I wasn't the marrying kind … but I meant every damn thing I said to you that day."

"Oh really?" She paused, folding her arms in front of herself, "As long as we both shall live? Did you mean that too?"

"We've already been over this. I can't fucking leave this island anymore. I did what I had to do."

"Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me. You did what you had to do." She started walking again, right into the midst of the rain, but too fast this time that he couldn't pull her back in.

"What the hell are you doing? Where are you going? Get back under here?" He followed her out into the rain … followed her towards the tree line, were the jungle meets the beach.

She started moving faster, he sped up too to catch up with her, "Damn it girl, don't do this. It's coming down hard."

She didn't stop, didn't even look back. Just marched on into the jungle, already soaked through to the skin and he followed her, finally catching up with her as he grabbed her arm.

"God damn it, Kate. Stop."

He spun her around, and she struggled against him, trying to fight him off so she could keep on walking. So she could keep on running.

But he held on tight. His fingers digging hard into her upper arm, probably leaving bruises. But he wouldn't let her go, and that's when tears started to fall. She was breaking down again, right in front of him. Raindrops falling down, running down her cheeks mixed up with the tears that were falling.

And he'd been mad, he didn't wanna talk about the ring and Juliet anymore, but he didn't want this either. He didn't want her all upset again either.

He grabbed both upper arms and almost shook her to get her to look up at him, "Talk to me god damn it. Stop running away every time we don't agree and just fucking talk to me."

And she cried.

She cried and her heart was ripping apart all over again when she finally said what she'd been thinking all along. What she'd been afraid to admit out loud all along. "You still love her."

It wasn't a question. It was what she thought was the truth. It was what she thought was his reason for coming back here.

Here. This place. The island. Where he'd lived happily with her. Her. … Ohhhhh, how she hated HER!

She stared up at him. Pleading eyes … just wanting the truth. But at the same time wishing the truth wasn't true.

Why did you leave me … again?

And he hadn't seen this coming at all. Never would have thought that she felt this way. Why would she think that after all this time?

"What?" he asked, because he clearly didn't understand.

"You love her." She stared at him with her green eyes wide open, face grimacing in pain, like it was physically hurting her to say these words to him, "You still love her. And you always will."

He let go of her arms, shaking his head in disbelieve.

Why would she say that? Why would she think that? Was she really going crazy now? … Or maybe she ain't!

Now she looked away because he didn't deny it … he hadn't said anything to deny it. That was all the answer she needed as she turned back around to head deeper into the jungle, not even sure where she was going. Just away. Away. Away from him. Fast.

He finally regained his composure, the initial shock of her 'accusation' wearing off as he grabbed her arm … just in time to keep her from running off again.

Within seconds both his hands travel up her arms and ended up framing her face. Forcing her to look at him once again as the words were coming out so easily … so unrehearsed. Because now after all this time he knows exactly how he feels about her and … well, the other her, "Yeah, I love her. I will always love her. But … but not like I love you. Freckles, don't you fucking get it? The ring … I kept the damn ring for you. I never loved her like I loved you … like I still fucking love you!"

The courage in his eyes … she's not sure she's ever seen him like this. Yeah, he'd said 'I love you' to her time and again since they'd gotten married, but never like this … never ever like this! And she knows she should be satisfied, she knows this is what she'd hoped for … but at the same time it isn't.

He does still love her too. He still can't or won't tell her why he's here. And even though he says he loves her more, he won't leave this place for her.

She's bewildered. She's emotional. She's a complete mess.

Her mind is racing … her mind is running. A mile a minute.

Juliet … Juliet. What is it about Juliet? What makes her so god damn special?

And it's like she forgot everything again he'd just said. Like she didn't hear a word he'd just said. Like she didn't hear him say that he always loved and loves her more than his precious Juliet. It all went in one ear and out the other.

Because she hates her. She fucking hates her. She'd tried to like her once. She'd been thankful when she saved Jack that time. But then she'd loved Sawyer. No James. My James. And he loved her back.

He will always love her. And I will always hate her!

Big fat tears are rolling down her cheeks again, but it's hard to tell them apart from the raindrops. And she's reached a point of no return now. This is it. This is the last straw. She can't stop herself anymore, all the doubt and tucked away emotional baggage about his relationship with the other woman come bubbling up to the surface. Spilling over the edge. Spilling out of her mouth like hot lava.

Yeah, exactly like Lava. Slowly making their way down the mountain, setting everything ablaze and destroying everything in their path. Her eyes staring into his, "I don't believe you." And with that she violently grabs his hands, pulls them off her face and gives him a push with all the strength she can muster. She needs distance.

He's taken aback by this and stumbles backwards, but quickly regains his footing. "You don't believe what?"

"Anything you said." Comes back at him faster then he'd expected. Then she rambles on. "You said you didn't trust her. You said you felt the same way I did about her. You said she would have shot me. And then you fall in love with her? How can you fall in love with someone that was going to kill me?"

He's stunned. He's speechless. But either way, even if he'd have known what to say, he wouldn't have had a chance to say it … because she was too fast … still going on about Juliet.

"And then … and then and you were going to leave the island on that sub. With her. You were going to leave all of us behind. Just like Jack … you were going to leave with her and leave us behind exactly like Jack. You were going to leave me … for her. And I'm supposed to believe that you always loved me more? You're lying. You're a god damn liar, Sawyer. And you always will be. A liar. A conman. You're never gonna change." And suddenly all the lectures from Cassidy come flooding back to her. All those conversations and arguments about him. What if Cassidy was right all along?

The intensity of her eyes on him. The hurt, the anguish, the anger … the fury!

And suddenly he feels it too. Like an electric charge surging through his veins. The accusations getting to him now, because he knows … he remembers exactly why he did what he did.

Jack and her! Her and Jack!

He's screaming now. Not yelling … no, literally screaming in her face, "YOU LEFT WITH JACK!" He's fuming. How dare she say he didn't love her?

"What?" She screams back at him.

He yells back at her, "I asked you to come with me. I flat out fucking asked you to come with me and you … you chose Jack. You left with Jack." Then he adds, "Again!" for good measure.

At first she's baffled by this. Her eyes scattering around, lingering somewhere on his upper body … not really able to focus on anything … unable to focus on any one thing.

Then the sound of her voice, quite and hurt … so different from her yelling at him a second ago. Stuttering. The words on her lips but not quite in the right order yet, "Y-you … Shhheee … She didn't want me to go." She's slightly shaking her head along with the words, to emphasize the meaning.

Then she looks back up at him again, confident again in what she wants to say … what she's going to say, "You were right there, James! You called me Freckles and then … Then she made it pretty clearly that she didn't want me to go with you. She didn't skip a beat when she gave me the code for the fence … you were right there. You heard what she said and how she'd said it. She was telling me to go."

Sawyer looks like he's about to lose it. He turns away from her, walks a wide but fast circle around … nothing. Like he's caged in again, except that he isn't. He could easily turn and walk away. Walk away from this and from her. And why does it even matter anymore?

They are over. They are so fucking over!

But he can't walk away. His hands running through his hair. Grabbing and pulling at his own hair in complete and utter frustration. He's so mad, he can't even look at her. He's mad because he knows what he wants to say. He knows how he feels about all of this. How he felt back then, in that moment … when she chose Jack again. When she came back after 3 god damn years to then turn around and leave with Jack again.

And yet at the same time he's ashamed of what he thought back then. Ashamed of what he's thinking now. Had he only said back then what he really felt. But he didn't want to hurt Juliet. Things could have been different. Juliet would have been mad, heartbroken if he'd said what he felt back then. But … but maybe she'd still be alive. So now … now he can't help himself anymore. He can't stop himself any longer from saying it out loud. But he isn't just saying it out loud. No.

He stops pacing and stares right back at Kate when he screams, "Who cares what the fuck she said? It didn't fucking matter what the fuck she said? All that should have mattered is what I said. And I said come with us. Come with me. But instead, you went with him. HIM!"

She didn't expect that. She'd never realized that he'd felt that way. After all, he was in a relationship with Juliet.

"James." It sounds like she's trying to plead with him. Soft and hurt and apologetic. "I thought … You were with her. You and her were together. How was I suppose to know that? How was I suppose to know that it would matter this much to you who I would go with? How? You were with her! HER! You were living with her for 3 years. And she didn't want me to go … I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to walk away and let you be happy … with her. And don't think for one minute that it didn't kill me. Seeing you with her … it was killing me!"

Her soft voice and the hurt look in her eyes don't do anything for his demeanor. He's on fire now. All the things he thought. All the things he felt. All the things he never said out loud. Because their mean and ugly and they make him feel like his old self again … they make him feel like Sawyer again. But he can't stop them anymore from leaving his tongue, "Don't you think I hadn't thought about that? You have no fucking clue how I felt when you came back."

He pauses for a few seconds, looking at her and she can see it in his eyes. She can see him thinking, undecided if he should go on or not. And even though he's yelling and screaming and mad as hell, she wants to know. She wants to know what he felt back then. She knows it shouldn't matter anymore, after all this time, but strangely it does. It matters to her. Because she was so lost in those days. She was so angry at everything and everyone, she just didn't show it. She put on a brave face and her best attempts at genuine smiles … because she'd lost everyone she'd ever loved.

So yeah, it mattered to her what he was feeling … even after all this time, she wants to know what he'd been feeling.

He sighs angry before he continued, "So I'm in the Van driving back to Dharmaville, and I'm completely out of my mind. Because all I'm thinking is that you are back. That you came back. And I'm happy, I'm so fucking happy. And then it dawns on me. Juliet."

He pauses and swallows hard and Kate is somehow mesmerized by his Adams apple bobbing with the swallow, then he goes on. "And I felt sick to my stomach because I thought I loved her. I mean, I knew I loved her, but then I saw you and I knew I loved you more. There was no doubt about it anymore with both of you there … in the same fucking time zone."

Kate spoke up, "Why didn't you say that? Why didn't you give me a sign? Anything? Instead you avoided me as much as you could."

His blue eyes were staring back at her with fierce intensity, "Of course I was avoiding you. What was I suppose to do Kate? Throw a bag at her and say 'Pack your shit Blondie, Freckles' back'?"

The ugly ugly truth was that it had actually crossed his mind …

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> Please leave a review if you have a moment to spare, it's much appreciated. Thank you!


	35. Chapter 35 It's pink

Flashback (continuation)

Kate woke up with a start. It was still dark out. She'd hardly gotten any sleep because of all the painful cramping during the night. She quickly moved on to cleaning herself up, before she put her brown cargo pants on again for the day ahead.

As she held the bloody rags in her hand she looked around her tent, wondering for a moment what to do with them.

She was slowly coming to terms with it all. Maybe it was for the better. Who knows if they'd ever be able to contact Naomi's boat ... I mean who really knows what's going to happen to them all.

She wiped a tear away with the back of her hand that had no blood on it.

It's not like she wanted a baby. Hadn't she just told Sawyer a couple nights ago that she didn't want to get pregnant?

But now things were different ... somehow.

Maybe if they would get rescued and then she and Sawyer could've ... no, that was just crazy talk ... wishful thinking.

She wasn't mother material and Sawyer surely didn't seem like the fatherly type either. Remembering momentarily how he always complained about Aaron's cries.

She shook her head to herself and wiped another tear away. It really didn't matter anymore what could've been, she thought as she started to dig a hole in the sand with her hands to bury and hide the bloody rags out of sight. And thinking that after she buried them, maybe the smell of blood that seemed so overwhelming would disappear too.

A couple hours later Sawyer found himself standing outside Kate's tent. Holding two large water bottles in his hands that he'd just filled up. One for himself, one for her. A peace offering.

He'd hardly gotten any sleep last night. Images of the real Sawyer and how he wrapped that chain around the man's neck were still haunting him, and the fact that the others are planning to take all the pregnant women, which might include Kate, wasn't helping the situation either.

Also Jack had managed to get to him with his 'I told you so' speech ... and maybe it was time to start listening to the Doc.

He hesitated for a moment, not quite sure of how she'd be towards him ... considering the way he'd acted towards her last night. If she was pissed at him, he'd probably deserve it.

But right when he'd finally decided to see if she's home, she pushed the flap of her tent aside and bumped right into his chest.

She looked up at him and he looked down at her, both smiling slightly when Sawyer said, "Ready to see what the Doc's got up his sleeve?" He handed her one of the water bottles.

She nodded up at him, took the bottle and said, "Yup."

And just like that, all the tension from the night before had vanished, at least for now.

Later that sameday ...

They'd made it back from their little excursion, and Sawyer had to admit that Jack's plan could actually work ... once again Jack could be the hero. But that was the least of his problems right now.

He wished he had the time to just sit and think things through, but he didn't have that luxury at the moment. Nor was he ready to tell Kate what had happened with Locke in the jungle ... he wondered what she'd think of him if she knew what he'd done. Would she be disgusted with him? After all, he'd killed a tied up and unarmed man!

He definitely wasn't ready to be a father!

Kate somehow had disappeared into thin air after they'd arrived back at the beach, but that suited Sawyer just fine when he was walking over to Juliet's tent for a chat.

Juliet stood up when she saw Sawyer approach her, wondering what he'd have to say to her this time.

Would he apologize for being so hostile towards her? Surely not. He didn't seem like the kind that would admit when he's wrong. But then again, she had come here under false pretenses and his initial suspicions towards her had been valid.

Sawyer and Juliet's eyes locked on one another when he stopped right in front of her. Glaring down at her with a scowl, "Listen up Blondie, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once."

Juliet folded her arms in front of herself, obviously not very impressed nor intimidated by Sawyer's attempt to scare her, "I'm listening."

Her blue eyes glared back at him as she plastered on her standard 'stepford wives' smile.

"When Jack tells you to mark the tents of the supposedly pregnant women ..." He stopped for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. All he saw when he looked at Juliet was the blond woman holding a gun to Kates head less than three weeks ago. He felt a sudden rage come over him again, when he saw her blue eyes staring back at him.

The wall came back up, the scowl back on his face and he looked angrier then Juliet had ever seen him when he said, "If you so much as look in the direction of Kate's tent I'll kill you. You get what I'm sayin'?"

Because that's who he was now. A killer. A murderer!

Juliets arms fell to her side when she came to the sudden realization that he was serious. All the coolness she'd been trying to portrait left her in an instant. She nodded and just quietly answered, "Yeah, I understand."

And without another word, Sawyer turned around and walked away.

Hours had passed. Karl had arrived with his warning that the others were going to attack tonight. Bernard, Jin and Sayid stayed back at the beach to detonate the explosives. Charlie and Desmond were on their way to the underwater station to turn off a switch.

And here were the rest of them walking towards the radio tower.

Kate looked around once again for Sawyer. He was either walking somewhere ahead of her or somewhere behind her. She'd lost track of him a while ago.

The heavy bleeding had stopped, but she still didn't feel quite like herself.

She noticed Jack had stopped to talk to Naomi, but Juliet kept on walking. With a heavy sigh she contemplated whether or not to talk to her. She'd lie of course. Glancing back at Jack one more time before she sped up to catch up with Juliet.

Juliet looked at her with a shy smile on her face as Kate caught up with her but didn't say anything. So they both walked side by side for several minutes without speaking or acknowledging each other until Juliet couldn't bite her tongue anymore.

"Why aren't you with James?" the blond woman asked without so much as looking at Kate.

"Why aren't you with Jack?" Kate fired back instantaneously.

"Touché!" Juliet almost giggled.

Kate wasn't in a giddy mood. She glanced behind her to see if Sawyer was anywhere within earshot or if Jack was catching up to them yet. When she saw that neither was the case she finally spoke up.

"One of the other women wants me to ask you something ... a question." Kate started, realizing quickly how ridiculous she sounded. Juliet could probably see right through her.

Juliet looked at her sideways but kept on walking at a steady pace, "Oh" she huffed, and then smiled at Kate as she continued, "What was the question?"

Kate looked back at her for a brief moment, then focused her eyes on something up ahead of them both, "She thinks she might've been pregnant, but that she lost the baby. She's wondering how to tell if she had a miscarriage. She thinks she had one."

Clearly surprised Juliet stopped dead in her tracks, Kate stopped too. The blonde asked concerned, "Why would she think that?"

Kate looked around rather uncomfortable, and they both started walking again simultaneously, "She said that she was bleeding heavier then usually, and she had very bad cramps too."

"A lot of women have heavy bleeds and cramping." Juliet stated back quickly.

Kate fired back, "Yeah, but she normally doesn't cramp at all ... at least that's what she said."

"I don't think she had a miscarriage." Juliet stated without any hesitation or doubt in her voice.

Kate was clearly surprised by that, "How can you be so sure?"

"I'm not. I can't be entirely sure without examining her, but ..." Juliet paused and looked at Kate again, "... this island, it's different. I've been here for 3 years working with pregnant women. And unless there is actual physical damage to the mother, there are no miscarriages here. Not here. Not on this island."

Kate was clearly shocked by that statement, unable to keep the emotion from showing on her face, "But you said ... the first night when we came back and Claire was sick, you said that the woman's body turns on the pregnancy or something like that. Couldn't that cause a miscarriage? Wouldn't that explain the cramping and heavy bleeding?"

"No, I'm sorry Kate, but that's not what happens." Juliet shook her head, "Instead of miscarrying ... the mothers ... they die."

Kate stayed quiet as they both walked on. Juliet did too.

"Is there even another woman? Or are we talking about you Kate?" Juliet blurted out without a warning.

Kate looked at her in shock again, "Why would I lie?"

Juliet just shot her a look that spoke volumes, then asked, "Then why wouldn't this woman come and talk to me herself? Why send you?"

Kate raised her voice when she answered, "Because nobody trusts you."

A few fellow survivors stopped to look at the two women, but then carried on their walk when they saw Juliet and Kate do the same.

"Kate, if you think there is something wrong with you ..."

Kate interrupted her before she could speak on, "I told you I wasn't talking about me. Anyway, I'll tell her that you think she didn't miscarriage, and I'll tell her to talk to you herself from now on." And with that, Kate sped up to get away from Juliet.

Jack walked up to Juliet. Walking side by side with her now, looking at her. "What was that all about?"

Juliet smiled as she looked back at him, "Girl talk."

Jack chuckled clearly not believing it but decided not to pry, as they both walked on together.

Juliet glanced up ahead at Kate with a worried look on her face.

The day had turned to night and then to day again.

They all had witnessed only two explosions, wondering if it had or hadn't worked. But for Suns and Roses benefit, nobody wanted to come out and say it again.

She should go back to the beach. She knew she should, it was the right thing to do. But Sawyer wasn't interested, and who else would possibly go with her. Not like she'd want to go with anyone else.

Kate watched him walk away, passing the other people that were still refilling their water bottles with some fresh water from the creek.

His voice so loud and mean still ringing in her ears, "Well, let's hope you're not."

Well, I'm not, are you happy now, she wanted to yell back at him. But she didn't. She just couldn't.

She'd thought that she'd lost his baby. Up until yesterday she'd thought so and her emotions about it all were still running high and raw. And now Juliet had her convinced that she hadn't even been pregnant at all. Miscarriages don't happen on this island. She felt like an idiot for even thinking she'd been pregnant.

But why was she still feeling different? Why was she feeling sad? And why couldn't she just tell Sawyer about it all? Why was she using it as some sort of leverage against him?

Deep down she knew the answer to all those questions. She felt like she was losing him, his walls were coming back up and he was shutting her out again ... the possibility of being pregnant was the only thing that still connected her to him. Him to her ... he'd have to talk to her. He'd have to acknowledge that, wouldn't he?

She fought the urge to cry ... too many people all around her. She glanced over and saw Rose and Sun standing side by side. If anyone had a reason to cry it would be those two ... she should be happy, because her man might be a stubborn brooding self-destructive first class jerk, but he was here with them and he was alive and well.

Kate carried on uphill; lost in her own thoughts she tried to stay just a few paces behind Sawyer. She knew something had happened when he'd spend the night in the jungle with John Locke ... and she also knew that it was something serious, that he wasn't willing to share with her yet ... or maybe ever.

But she also knew somewhere in there was still the same man that held her in his arms a couple of nights ago. The same guy that had kissed her temple and was so gentle ... so gentle and loving with her. She knew he was capable of that, capable of love. They both were, if they could just get over their demons.

About a week later back at their beach camp

The sun hadn't come up yet and the entire camp was still fast asleep. Or so it seemed to Juliet when she crept into Kates tent unnoticed.

Her icy-blue eyes fell upon the brunettes sleeping form on the old airplane seat. The smell of blood lingered within the four 'walls' of the tent itself. Maybe not to a novice, but a doctor like herself, she registered the smell immediately.

Juliet wondered for a minute if she should even tell her. What good would come from it anyhow? Kate could go on believing that she hadn't in fact been pregnant. She could go on believing that it was just menstrual cramps and such, maybe intensified by this mysterious island.

But Juliet knew better than that. After the big dilemma with Sun and Jin yesterday, where she had to expose the otherwise friendly and good natured Korean woman as a cheater, ... after all that she was just tired of keeping any more secrets to herself.

She longed for a friendship. A companionship ... a girlfriend. She also knew that Kate would and could never be that. But still she knew that she had to tell Kate the truth. She knew that Kate had a right to know that she had been pregnant. And that she wasn't just imagining things ... she had lost her baby. She should be allowed to mourn it, shouldn't she? Would she even mourn it?

Juliet wasn't very fond of Kate. More the opposite. After reading the brunettes file she'd come to this conclusion. Kate hadn't had an easy life, Juliet knew that, after reading her file. And even though Juliets own life hadn't been a dream come true either, she'd never want to trade with the young woman from Iowa. Never!

She'd had it rough, to say the least. But at the same time a lot of things that had brought Kate anguish throughout her life had been caused by her own doing.

And Kate was also fickle. Strong minded, strong willed but yet fickle. And even though it had become clear that her heart was with the rugged cowboy, she still had strong feelings towards Jack as well. That much Juliet knew. Fickle!

Kate looked exhausted, she thought to herself. But regardless, Juliet finally mustered the courage to gently nudge the sleeping woman out of her sleep.

Kate shot up defensively when she felt someone touch her arm, nudging her. When she saw Juliet towering above her she was more than just defensive, she was confused, "What are you doing here? What do you want?"

Kate registered the upset expression on the blondes face. The two women just stared at each other in silence until Juliet finally whispered, "Did you want to have a baby?"

Kate sat up now and seemed annoyed, whispering back, "I already told you ..."

But Juliet interrupts her, her voice firm, "Did you want it?"

Their eyes lock again and Kate suddenly sees the sincerity behind Juliets eyes and gives up the attempt of denying it any longer, "I'm not sure ... Maybe." A loud sigh escaped her lips and then a whispered, "Yes" followed. Her voice sounds almost frightened ... scared of admitting it to herself.

Juliet broke the gaze first, staring at the ground as she let herself sink onto the sandy floor, "I do think you had a miscarriage."

Kate got off her airplane seat and sat onto the ground next to her, not wanting to speak too loud and risk being overheard by someone.

Juliet started to ramble, "We didn't have to gas you ... you were locked away. You wouldn't have been able to see where we were going from where we kept you. But ... We only gassed you because I was supposed to handcuff myself to you ... to gain your trust somehow ... but ... I'm a doctor."

She shook her head to herself, "I should have known. I wasn't thinking." Juliet started to sob, hiding her face behind her own hands, "I'm so sorry Kate."

Their eyes met again and then it all seemed to finally register with Kate what Juliet was trying to tell her.

"I'm so so sorry."

"The gas? The gas your people used caused the miscarriage?" Kate asked unwilling to believe what she just heard.

"I was ... I really had a baby." Her voice so soft and low ... near the breaking point now as it all really began to sink in with Kate.

Juliet just nodded, as she watched Kates body slump back against the airplane seat behind her, her eyes getting glossy, her chin slightly quivered when Juliet witnessed a single tear running down her cheek.

Minutes passed where Kate just sat there, clearly lost in her own thoughts and Juliet's just too afraid to say anything or to even get up and leave her alone. So she stayed and waits. She wants to offer ... something. She's not entirely sure what ... Maybe a shoulder to cry on?

Finally Juliet starts to think clearly again, as the professional that she is. "I should examine you. If we leave now, we can be at the medical station by mid day and ..."

"No." Kate sat up straight and wiped at her face. "I'm fine."

"Are you still bleeding? Are you still cramping? How do you feel?"

Kate closed her eyes tightly, another tear rolled down her cheek and she sighed, "I'm fine."

Leaning forward towards her, "If you don't want me to examine you, then ... " she sighed loudly, "... then I'll understand. But at least tell me how you're feeling, how you're doing."

Kates eyes met her again and she swallowed, "I ... Look, I don't want to talk about it. It's over and done. Get out of my tent. Now."

The look she shot Juliet said enough. Juliet left her tent that early morning and they never spoke of it again.

(Continuation of the previous chapter)

Pack your shit Blondie, Freckles' back ... had he really just said that out loud.

Yeah, he had. That was obvious from the disbelieving expression on Kate's face.

He turned his back towards Kate as shame fell over his own face. His heart ached and he knew that feeling all too well. Guilt. Guilt for what he'd done to Juliet.

But then he regained his composure and continued, still sounding mad as hell, "And besides, I didn't know what the hell was going on with Jack and you. After all, he'd been your back up choice every time we had a fall out, so I figured he'd made a move once I was out of the picture." He sighed and was breathing heavily as if he'd just been running with water still trickling down the stings of his hair, "Once I was out of the chopper."He added spitefully.

Kate glared at him with a venomous look for that last remark.

How dare he? He jumped. He took himself out of the picture. He did that!

But there it was again. That feeling of exhaustion taking over her body. Physically drained ... emotionally too.

She couldn't do this anymore.

It was all just too painful ... her heart was scattered all over ... little bits and pieces here and there. Some in Iowa, some in Florida, some in LA but most of them right here, right now on this god damn island! And all those because of him!

But somehow she gathered the strength to scream back at him, "You wanna know about Jack and me?"

He just stares at her with a rather blank expression on his face ... because no, he doesn't. He doesn't' want to know about Jack and her. No, not really!

But she continues, "Do you James? You wanna know?"

Little specks of water or spit are flying out of her mouth as she's yelling at him, because the rain is still pouring down on them both rather mercilessly, "In July ..." she begins, then gathers her thoughts again, "... seven month after we left the island, we had a funeral service for his father. For Jacks father."

Sawyer just stood frozen in place, listening and clinging to every word, even though he knows he's probably not going to like what she's going to tell him. But then again, the truth can't be any worse then what he'd pictured in his mind, lying there in bed every night since fucking 1974. Him with her ... Jack with his hands all over his girl ... his Freckles! And all because he jumped and gave the good old Doc a wide open chance to step in his shoes!

Kate carried on, "I already told you that's when we found out about Carole, and from then on he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, James. From that day on we went our separate ways. And so did most of us. Sun had gone back to Korea immediately after we got back. Shortly after that funeral Sayid's wife died. Hurley stayed pretty much to himself. Desmond, Frank ... they were just gone ... I mean, truth be told, I barely even knew them anyway. All I had was Aaron ... and Cassidy too."

She paused for a brief second to push the wet curls out of her face, and he watched on mesmerized as the stone and setting from her wedding ring got caught in her hair. "Son of a bitch." She cursed, and he couldn't help but smile as he stepped towards her to help her out.

"Don't touch me." She hissed back at him, taking a step back, away from him, and yanking the ring from her hair at the same time.

She avoided his gaze on her as she rambled on, "I didn't hear from him for almost two years. Two years. Then in June 2007, out of nowhere, he just shows up at my trial as a ..." She shakes her head in disbelieve, "... as a character witness. Telling his big fat lies again about the day of the crash and ... everything. Lying about me, about what kind of a person I am. So ..." her voice wavers and she's wiping her hands over her wet face, but before she can continue, Sawyer interrupts her.

"So you kicked him out of your trial."

Her eyes dart up to meet his in confusion, "How ... how do you..."

But his answer comes out quicker then she can even fully ask the question, "Tru tv."

She raised her eyebrows, "What?"

"Tru tv ... well, Tru tv dot com. Every night when I got back to Miles' apartment, I'd go online and watch a few hours of your trial."

She took a step towards him, "What? Why?"

"Why not?" he asked defensively. "I mean, hell ... murder, fraud, arson, assault, grand theft auto ... I was a little curious how on earth you got away with only ten years probation ... got a hell of a deal Freckles. So ... anywhoo, saw you kick the Doc out of the courtroom. " With a rather casual wave of his hand he said, "So go on."

But she was speechless. She had no idea that he'd known about that ... it made her wonder what else he'd seen online. Did he know all the ugly things all those tabloids and websites had written about her during that time? What else did he know and never told her?

She shook her head to literally shake those thoughts out of her mind for the moment, so she could continue, "Anyway, after I made the deal with the D.A. he ... he showed up. Showed up at my doorstep a few days later with two starbucks coffees in hand and ..."

Sawyer held his hands up in defense, "Look, just spare me the details Freckles, I get it alright. Jackass wasted two and a half years to make a fucking move. I get it. Always told ya' the man's a fucking ..."

Now it was Kate's turn to interrupt him instead, "No James, I don't' think you do. You don't get it at all. You wanted to know about Jack and me and now you're going to."

She met his eyes challengingly, and he just nodded slightly in agreement, gesturing her to go on, "So we got together, all right. He showed up and we hung out and yeah, one night one thing lead to another, but ... but I'm not an idiot James. It took me a long time to figure it all out, but I'm not stupid, you know."

Her eyes met his again, "At first I thought he didn't want to see the baby because he found out about Carole. I thought he felt guilty about leaving Claire behind, his own sister and that he thought Aaron belonged with his grandmother, with Carole. I-I thought that he thought we made a mistake saying that Aaron was mine. But ... but I had a lot of time to just sit and think since then."

She sighed loudly again, "And I started to wonder about the timing of it all. How strange it was that he got passed all those feelings he was supposedly struggling with the moment I was free and clear of those charges? The moment it was a sure thing that I wasn't going to prison, he started coming around."

Sawyer hadn't expected that ... he had no idea. His head was spinning.

But Kate didn't really skip a beat, she just went on. "Seven month we were just friends. He went back to work even though financially he really didn't have to and ... and occasionally we saw each other, but we were nothing more than friends. Just fellow survivors of a plane crash. Then he practically vanishes from my life, his own nephews' life ... but the entire time he's just living 20 minutes away in his fancy apartment downtown L.A.!

For almost two years I don't hear from him at all. It's as if we never even met. But the day I get released from prison and I am free to go home, he shows up to tell me he didn't mean it. That he didn't mean it when he said under oath that he didn't love me anymore. Then a couple of days later he shows up at my door with the coffee."

She wiped the water out of her face again ... pointless really considering it was still pouring like a damn waterfall, "So ..." Her voice is breaking, and she has to pause for a moment to regain her composure, "So, I was lonely, you know. I love Aaron. I love him so so much, but I was lonely sometimes." She looked up and in Sawyers eyes, "I didn't wanna be alone anymore."

He knew all too well what she meant by that.

She stopped, her eyes downcast, her face grimaced and she started to cry again. Sawyer just stood there, unsure of what to say or do.

Suddenly he felt anger rise in him all over again. He was mad at ... at Jack ... no wait, at her too, "So what, you just let him come back into your life like nothing had happened?"

Hypocrite! Big fat fucking Hypocrite! He pushed that thought into the back of his mind quickly!

His voice had this mean accusatory undertone to it as he went on, "He wanted nothing to do with you while your arraignment was pending, while your trial was going on, but bam ... you're free to go and there he is. And you just let him? You should have thrown that fucking coffee in his damn face if you ask me."

"I know." She answered rather quietly to his surprise. "I didn't ... I didn't think that way until after we broke up. After we broke up I had time to think about it all. Wondering what had happened. What went wrong, and ... and his drinking and the pills he got hooked on. He got fired from his job too."

She shook her head to herself, "You wouldn't have recognized him if you'd seen him James. He was a complete mess. He'd call me all hours of the day and night, talking nonsense. Wanting to meet me. Telling me he's flying back and forth over the Pacific, praying that the plane he was on would crash on the island again. I mean, can you believe that. He was nuts. But ..." She sighed again, "But before all that. On that day, when he showed up at my door, I was actually really happy to see him. And I was happy that he showed an interest in Aaron too."

She looked back up at him and a shy smile formed on her face, "I was really happy for a little while. But it didn't last."

She frowned again, both her hands on her hips, "You see, he didn't know about Clementine. And ... well, he always worked late, and I'd go to see Clem at least once a week, and he didn't know. So one night, I came home pretty late and assumed that he'd still be at work. But when I walked in, he was sitting there in the living room."

She sighed, "And he was drunk, very drunk." Kate looked up, "And he was soo mad, he wanted to know where I'd been and I begged him to just let it be. I begged him to just trust me and that it had nothing to do with us. But he just wouldn't let it go. He was yelling at me, and I finally admitted that I was doing something for you. Then he wanted to know what and when I refused to tell him he ... he started to talk about you. How you weren't here with me and how you didn't save me and that he was the one who saved me ..."

Tears fell again. "He was completely out of it. Screaming so loud that it woke Aaron up." She chuckled through the tears, "And you know that kid can sleep through just about anything."

Sighing deeply she continued, "That was the night we broke up. I told him he had to deal with his ... his problem on his own. I told him that I won't have him around my son like that." She wiped at her face again, "That was just one week after he'd asked me to marry him. He'd asked me to marry him on September 7th and it all ended on the 13th."

Sawyer shook his head to himself, running a hand down his face from his forehead down to his chin. Then pushing his hair out of his face again. Water running down his arm.

He wasn't even sure what to say to that. He couldn't believe that Jack was this messed up. Suddenly it all seemed to make sense, he thought. That conversation he'd had with Jack in the jungle back in the seventies. How Jack said, that it was too late for him to get Kate back. Holy shit, he would've never thought things had been that bad between them.

And the strangest thing about it all was how it made him feel. He would've thought he'd feel relieved to hear that Jack couldn't make it work with Kate, but it didn't feel like that at all. Strangely he felt sorry for Kate, 'cause he realized that she'd been lonelier in the real world than he'd been being stuck on the damn island.

And the whole Clementine thing. It never had even crossed his mind that that was somehow the event that had brought an end to them. And he really couldn't understand why, "Why ... why didn't you just tell him? I mean, I never asked you to keep it a secret. You could've just told him about Clem."

Kate wiped her face with the back of her hand, "First off, it was none of his business ... She was the one thing I had left of you, and I didn't want him having any part of it. Secondly, I thought if you'd wanted people to know you wouldn't have whispered it into my ear."Their eyes met and he kind of nodded his head in agreement.

"And also I think that if he'd known that I was seeing her once a week, he would've made me stop. He would've told me to not go see her anymore."

"What?" Sawyer blurted out. "You don't know that Freckles. You don't know what he would have done."

"Yeah, I do James. I know he would have been mad, and he would have told me to stop."

"You can't know that for sure? You don't know what he'd have said. He had no reason to be mad about it. And besides, when has any man ever been able to keep you from doing somethin' you've had your mind set to?"

She stepped towards him, closing the gap between herself and Sawyer just a little, looking into his eyes, "She was still living in New Mexico then, James. So I'm sure he'd have wanted me to stop visiting with her."

Oh shit.

Sawyer had to blink a few times, trying to comprehend what he'd just heard her say.

Now he was mad again. If he wasn't soaked through and through he'd have spit fire, "Are you fucking kidding me Kate? Are you saying that you went to New Mexico once a week just to see my kid?"

Kate just nodded, seeing the sudden anger rise in him.

"Well hell, I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I think the Doc would've been right telling you not to go. I mean you're telling me that you risked being thrown back in prison just to see Clementine? What the hell were you thinking? Where the hell was your head?"

She just shook her head, her eyes downcast, "I made you a promise."

"Well shit, you sorto made a promise to the munchkin too, didn't ya'? Who would've taken care of him when they shipped your ass back to prison after being pulled over for something stupid while driving down the interstate in fucking New Mexico?"

"I was always going the speed limit. I always made sure I didn't have a busted breaklight or something like that. I always stayed under the radar." She tried to defend her actions.

Sawyer mocked her answering sarcastically, "Yeah, well in that case, nothing could've happened, right?" He turned around, he was so angry; he couldn't stand to look at her.

"Clementine had a right to know that you cared about her. I was trying to keep my promise to you."

He turned back around to look at her, "Freckles ..." He sighed loudly, "I never asked you to throw your life away for me. So yeah, Jack would've probably told ya' to stop going, but had I been in his shoes I would've told ya' the same damn thing."

She looked away ... after everything she hadn't anticipated for Sawyer to side with Jack on this. He's supposed to be the one that understands her. He's supposed to know that sometimes you've gotta do what you gotta do, even if it's not rational or if it doesn't make sense. How could he side with Jack?

She was fighting to hold back tears again. "You know what, ... just forget it. I'm done. We're done."

And with that she tried to charge right past him, this time back towards the beach, but he stepped in her way. Reaching out to grab her again, she backed away, "Don't ... don't touch me. Let me go. We're done here." She started crying again when he successfully stopped her.

"The hell we are. We ain't done by a long shot girl." He grabbed her roughly and pulled her into his arms. Holding her in a tight embrace, resting his chin on her head. That's when he realized how cold she felt.

And then without a warning, he just let go of her ... but really just long enough to scoop her up into his arms a mere second later."I think it's time to get the hell out of this fucking monsoon, babe."

She was too cold and exhausted to fight him at this point. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face in the crook of his neck. Embracing his welcoming body heat to warm her up a little ... while he started to make his way back towards the beach.

Gently setting her down onto the sandy but dry ground of his tent. She let go of his neck and just sat there in front of him. Her chin quivering again, but not because she was crying. No, she was shivering.

"Your lips are blue", he blurted out with a concerned look in his eyes. And she finally looked up through those strings of wet curls that were clinging to her face, partially obstructing her view.

He pushed her hair back gently while giving her an order, "Put your arms up."

"What?" she snaps out of her trance-like-state after his odd request.

But he doesn't answer, not wasting any more time he just grabs the bottom hem of her tank top and yanks it up over her head. She doesn't know why, but she doesn't fight him on this either ... just moves her arms along with the movement.

She's so cold. Goosebumps covering every inch of her body. Her nipples noticeably erect peeking through the thin wet fabric of her white cotton bra. And Kate herself notices how the round flesh of her breasts slightly spill out of the fabric at the top. Giving the illusion of more cleavage. Cleavage that she knows she doesn't really have.

Has to be the bra. Not really mine ... It's just too small.

Their eyes meet again and she wonders for a moment if he's thinking the same thing she is.

The sudden urge for him rising within her. Her skin tingling ... almost unbearably so. She feels the warmth growing between her thighs for him. Wanting him. Needing him. There. Now.

Thinking about their fight from moments ago. It all seems stupid now when the longing for him seems to take over her thinking.

Let's make up. Let's make love. Kiss me James!

But Sawyer's mind seems to be elsewhere, she quickly realizes when he throws her wet tank top onto the airplane seat and then leaves her just sitting there all alone ... leaves the tent altogether.

She feels her cheeks flushing with embarrassment, struck by his odd reaction to the half naked sight of her.

When did she turn into him? When did the tables turn? When did they trade places and she ended up being the one that wants to have sex with him all the time?

Moments ago she was too tired to even walk and now she finds herself hot and bothered ... and all because he took her shirt off.

She feels a wave of disappointment wash over her due to his lack of interest. So her gaze just follows him as he runs across the beach and through the rain back to Jin and Suns tent again. Reappearing moments later with something bundled up in his arms running back towards her.

He grouches down in the sand in front of her again. His hands reaching behind her, his fingers incredibly fast undoing her bra and gently pulling it off of her.

The nanosecond of excitement vanishes and is once again replaced by disappointment when she quickly realizes what he's actually doing. So she just sits there and lets it all happen. Their eyes meeting over and over again throughout the process.

He gently pushes one of Suns old shirts over her head, then pulling the wet curls out of the collar with one swift motion. She feels water from her hair running down her spine the exact same moment.

Now he's helping her along to get her arms through the sleeves of the skin-tight shirt. Despite her disappointment she has to smile at this a little, because it reminds her of how she used to help Aaron get dressed in the mornings. Feeling a sudden pang in her heart. She misses him so much.

Then his hands are pulling and tugging the fabric down her sides. Trying to smooth the fabric out against her damp skin. Casually and maybe - maybe not - accidentally gracing the outer curves of her breast with his hands while doing so. Sending little shocks of excitement through Kate once again.

She bows her head, diverting her face and eyes from him, when little droplets of rain drip down from her hair, staining the fabric a darker shade wherever they land.

That's when she suddenly realizes something, and with mocking protest she says, "It's pink."

He stops for a second, just looking at her ... almost as if he was admiring his handy work. Kate has to smile again, feeling her cheeks flush anew when she realizes where his eyes seem to freeze for a moment.

The little yet not so subtle 'dents' in the fabric ... her nipples still erect.

Just kiss me already you idiot!

Then he smiles mischievously back at her, lying through his teeth, "It's purple, not pink."

One more thing we have in common now!

Looking down at herself, pulling the fabric away as if thoroughly inspecting it, "You must be colorblind too, because this shirt is definitely pink. Look at it."

"I did and it looks purple to me." Then he just looks away, trying to not let her see him laugh.

Proceeds to straighten her legs out right from under her, like she was a doll or something of the sorts. Goes on to untie her boots, pulls them off - one by one - and the socks too. Setting the boots down next to her and throwing the wet socks over to the airplane seat, with the rest of her wet stuff.

And Sawyer just carries on. Standing up, towering over her he holds his hands out and without any exchange of words she takes them without protest. Letting him pull her up to a stand.

She sways back and forth a little, lightheaded again and quickly grabs a hold of his biceps with one hand, and his wet shirt pocket with the other hand, while he quickly snakes an arm around her waist.

"R'you alright?" he breaks the silence concerned.

"Yeah", she nods, meeting his eyes again, "Got up too quick ... I'm okay."

He unbuttons her jeans for her. Unzips the zipper and grabs a hold of the wet fabric left and right of her hips and starts yanking it down rather roughly. Grouching down again in front of her, she helps him along by lifting one foot after the other, so that he can pull the wet jeans past her ankles and off of her.

His hands reach up again, for the thin string-like waistband of her panties to take them off too, when she stops him by grabbing his hand.

"What?" he asked looking up at her rather innocently, kneeling in the sand.

Kate's eyes meet his and she nods towards the wide opening of their tent. If this will lead where she's hoping it will, she wants more privacy.

He follows her gaze, "Baby, we're all alone. Ain't nobody gonna see you." He blurts out, a little surprised by her sudden modesty.

But before she can even say anything else in protest, something seemed to have changed his mind. He gets up to his feet quickly. Untying the rolled up tarp to let it fall down, serving as a door that's shielding them from the rest of the beach.

The blue of the tarp that's surrounding them from all sides now is tingeing everything with a blue hue now. Him and her included.

He looks back at her, "Better?"

She nods her head at him smiling gratefully, "Thanks."

He answers her with nothing but a warm smile, as he's kneeling back down into the sand and proceeds to pull her panties off for her.

There she is right in front of him, half naked again. The lower half of her now.

And there it is again. That tingling feeling. That sudden increase in her heartbeat. The heat pooling again in her loins.

She's always hated being the one to make the first move ... wants him to do it. And when he stops for a brief moment, seemingly admiring her, she wonders if it's going to happen. If something will happen. Wants and wishes that it does.

But Sawyer's gaze on her had a different reason. His gaze glued to her abdomen. She's so thin, almost too thin but yet there it is. A slight yet unmistakable bump that he would swear under oath wasn't there just a week ago.

Son of a bitch! Is she really pregnant?

Distinctively remembering their steamy morning on Hydra Island. Her body sprawled out in front of him, all glossy from their lovemaking. And her stomach, it was flat ... he remembers it being flat, no doubt about it. There was nothing there that would've suggested something ... something like this to appear a week later.

How is that even possible? It's only been a few days since then.

Trying not to think about it he reached for Suns old pants. Helping her step into the dry pair of jeans. Her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she's lifting one leg at a time, stepping into the pants.

Then standing up again, holding the waistband of the jeans. Wiggling the fabric back and forth to get it up and over her wet naked hips ... a bit more challenging then he would've thought, considering she's helping now too. And somewhere in the process of it she lets out a chuckle ... he meets her eyes and chuckles too.

All dressed in dry clothes she looks at him, "Thank you James."

He just nods in return, and she suddenly realizes that he's still soaking wet. No wonder he's not in the mood, she thinks.

Asking him concerned, "What about you?"

"What about me?" he fires back.

"You're not gonna change?"

"Don't think I'll fit into Jin's old clothes, Sweetheart. Reckon his pants are about 3 feet to short for me." Then he adds as he plops back down onto the sand, "Besides, I ain't that cold."

Instantaneously she drops down on her knees in front of him. Reaches out without any hesitation and runs her hands down his cheeks, down his neck, resting them on his chest, "Liar!"

And before he can stop her, she's up and has pushed the tarp aside, running back out into the rain. Barefoot.

He runs out after her, "Damn it Freckles, that kinda defeats me getting you in dry clothes, don't you think?"

But she's already heading for someone else's tent some ways behind Claire and Charlie's old tent, yelling back at him, "Shut up James."

He just follows her into the tent, looking around and that's when he suddenly realizes who's tent they are in. How could he have forgotten?

Kate's already on her knees, digging through a suitcase lying on the ground when Sawyer towers over her, shaking his head, "Uh -uh. No way in hell I'm wearing the Doc's hand-me-downs Freckles. So you might as well forget it."

She glares up at him. Her voice commanding, "Yes you will James."

His voice sounding equally strong as he drawls the words out slow and clear, "No - I - won't!" His lip slightly pushed out into a pout, strangely resembling her when she pouts.

She looks back at him annoyed now. Reaches up, grabs him by the hand and forcefully pulls him down to the ground right beside her, "Quit being such a damn baby and pick something to wear already."

He sighs defeated, as he starts to look through the other suitcase, "You do realize this is fucked up, right? I mean, me wearing his old clothes. Nothing 'bout that strikes you as ... "

She cuts him off, "It's just clothes James. We all were going through suitcase after suitcase after the crash." She looks over at him, "We all were wearing someone else's clothes, using someone else's stuff. They're just things. Nothing more."

Their eyes met for a moment, and she gives him a shy smile.

"Fine." He mumbles under his breath, and is now actually making a real attempt at finding something to wear. But at the same time thinking to himself that if the shoe was on the other foot ... if he'd tried to get her to wear Juliets old clothes, she probably would've hit him where it hurts.

Good thing I'm not like her.

After thoroughly inspecting piece after piece for stains, smells, wear and signs of disease she finally gets him to agree on a pair of jeans and a black button-down shirt that neither of them can recall ever seeing on Jack.

Back in their tent, Sawyer starts to unbutton his shirt.

She pushes his hands away. "Let me", she says while undoing a button.

"I got it." He moves onto the next one.

She looks up at him, challenging, pushing his hands away again, "I said let me."

He chuckles, throws his hands up in defeat, "Fine, knock yourself out." Rolling his eyes in mocking annoyance, but he secretly enjoys this.

He swallows hard, watching her carefully unbutton his shirt. Then he lets his arms just fall back to help her along as she pushed the wet shirt off of his shoulders and the sleeves off of his arms and past his hands.

She then proceeds to unbuckle his belt rather slowly, looking up at him a few times.

And Sawyer begins to wonder out loud, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to seduce me."

And fuck ... it's definitely working!

She smiles up at him. Big green eyes somehow tinted blue and her lashes flutter seductively as her fingers start fiddling with the buttons on his jeans. Unbuttoning them slowly ... button after button, there is no zipper.

She tugs at the wet fabric around his hips and unlike her pants his just fall down to the ground, pooling around his feet. With his boots already off, he steps out of the wet clothing, leaving it lying in a heap on the ground.

Her turn to look at him. Head to toe, and up again. His damp skin glistening ... kind of bluish.

The man is like a living breathing statue of Adonis. Come to think of it, he's ten times hotter than Adonis.

Taking in the sight of him, she wonders if he can read her mind. Her eyes fixated now on his dark blue boxers that are thoroughly wet and clinging to his sun-kissed skin. Clearly outlining his growing arousal.

Got ya'! Any moment now will he lose control and kiss me!

Self-assured she lets her fingers slowly and seductively slip under the waistband of his dark blue boxers.

But to her surprise he grabs her hands before she goes any further, "I'm keepin' them on, hon'."

"Oh." She looks back up at him clearly disappointed, "But they're all wet."

"I know. But I ain't going commando in Jacko's old Jeans Freckles."

"Oh", she sighs again, "Okay." And under the pretext of smoothing down the wet fabric around him her hand accidently brushes it.

It! Completely accidently of course!

He bites back the moan that wants to escape his lips, taking in a sharp breath instead.

Screw it. I should just go for it.

But then he remembers again why he's holding back. The bump. The fucking baby bump.

So instead he reached for the dry pair of Jeans and has already stepped into them before Kate can even register what happened. Quickly buttoning it and zipping up his fly, before he can change his own mind. Slipping his arms into the shirt, starting to button it up, and then he rolls the sleeves up on the shirt ... just the way he always does. Marking it as his. Making it his.

She's left standing there, feeling like a complete fool. Suddenly realizing that this is the first time ever that he has turned her down.

Then she wonders if she wasn't obvious enough for him. She's never been the one to just say it. She'd just kiss him, jump him, touch him ... say things like 'Let's go back to bed' or 'Let's go back upstairs'! But she would never just say, 'Hey, wanna have sex?' But she'd never had any problems getting her point across without actually saying the words before.

And especially with him. Sawyer. James. He knows her well enough to know that she's game ... doesn't he?

And it wouldn't all be so bad, if she didn't feel the moisture and heat between her thighs, taunting her now after this ... this ... what the hell is this?

Rejection!

Her cheeks flushed in a crimson red, wondering what the hell just happened. Her eyes fixed on him.

"What?" He asked, his eyebrows raised and giving her his most innocent look before he proceeds moving the wet clothes off of the floor. Trying to busy himself with pulling his belt out of the loops from his wet pants.

"Nothing." Kate retorts back, folding her arms in front of herself, clearly disappointed and worst of all unsatisfied!

Playing stupid, like he doesn't know what she's scowling about ... he knows all too well why she's pissed. But hell, after seeing that bump he'd decided he can't go there anymore. She's off limits now.

And as hard as it may be - figuratively and literally - she just deserves better than that. She deserves better then a quick roll in the hay ... well, sand in this case.

And he can't give her that anymore. In a couple of days she'll get on that sub and they'll part ways for good. He can't keep screwing with her head like that. He just won't do it anymore.

Closing the belt buckle he looks over at her standing there still pouting like a child who didn't get her candy, "Hey."

Kate looks up and over at him.

He smoothes down the front of his 'new' shirt in an exaggerating fashion, "Doesn't look too bad on me, does it?"

Her arms fall to her side - surrendering - stepping towards him. Tugging at the bottom hem of his shirt, "It looks really good on you."

He goes on to grab his crotch like only men do, unabashed tugging and pulling on himself, "Pants are a little tight though, but I guess I should've expected that." He smirks.

Not even really listening or comprehending what he'd just hinted at in his not so subtle kind of way, she adds with her mind still on the shirt, "I figured you and him are about the same size."

He frowns at that, wondering what she was implying, and with thick sarcasm clinging to every word he scowls, "Well, you would know, wouldn't you?"

Fuck! He didn't really mean to say that.

But it's too late; she heard him this time and shoots him a look that could kill. Then sees his hand still holding himself, like it's some kind of prized possession of his, coming to realize what he'd been hinting at before. "I was talking about the shirt you moron."

She turns away from him frowning, suddenly busying herself with laying out her wet clothes ... so they might actually dry. Her fingers trembling ... with anger.

Shit, ... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

"Hey." He says again, trying to get her to look at him.

She just answers him annoyed, "What?" Not turning her head because tears are pricking again at the corner of her eyes.

God, why am I such an emotional mess ... crying like a freaking baby about every little thing!

Ahh hell ... to hell with it. I fucked up ... time to cowboy up and say it already, "I'm sorry." It sounds almost like a cough leaving his throat.

Her head snaps around, "What?" like she couldn't believe her own ears.

He frowns, hands waving in the air in surrender, "I'm sorry, alright? I shouldn't ... I thought you were comparing ... you know ...something else."

"Okay." Her voice soft and quiet before she turns her attention back to her clothes quickly. Devoting her full attention to the task at hand, smoothing out her jeans over the air plane seat. Her hand running over the fabric to flatten it ... again and again and again, as if her hand had magically transformed into an iron.

Okay? I just fucking apologized, and all I get is a fucking 'okay'?

He takes one big step towards her, pulling her arm to make her look at him and he is just about to say something sarcastically and mean when a tear spills over and finds its way down her left cheek. So instead of the insult, his voice goes up a notch and his forehead wrinkles in concern, "Are you ... crying?"

Jerking her arm free again and then wiping her face, "Yeah. So what? I'll cry if I want to." She states somewhat boldly and finds herself thinking immediately how stupid that just sounded. The lyrics of a song involuntary popping into her head.

Fuck. How the hell does she do it? One fucking tear and a sniffle from her and she's got me by the damn balls.

His facial features softening in an instant, when he finds himself apologizing some more, "Look, I misunderstood."

She looks back up, "I know."

A little relieved he goes on, "Well then ... can't we just make up? You're taken off to the real world soon and I ... I really don't wanna waste any more time fighting with you over stupid shit that doesn't matter anymore."

She stops fiddling with her clothes, stands up straight and looks up at him as he's towering over her.

One long look is exchanged between them. How they communicate without actually speaking.

And that's apparently all it takes. He pulls her close, wrapping one arm around her waist and with the other hand pulling her face to his chest, letting out a satisfied grunt. She does the same, wrapping both her arms tightly around his midsection, embracing him with all she's got.

So they stand there for a good long minute hugging until Sawyer breaks the silence, almost whispering, "They fit."

She breaks away, looking up, meeting his eyes, "What?" She really couldn't hear him with one ear pressed into his chest and the other ear covered by her curls and his hand.

He smiles a shy smile, "The pants, they fit fine. You know ... I was just trying to crack a joke at the Docs expense. Figured I'd get an eye-roll and a shove for it ... didn't mean for you to start bawlin'."

So she rolls her eyes and shoves him back a bit as they both chuckle at themselves, the awkward tension from moments ago completely vanished. "I wasn't bawlin'!"

A low chuckle escapes his lips, but then he suddenly freezes, raises his eyebrows again and says, "You hear that Freckles?"

Kate's quiet for a second trying to listen, "What? I don't hear anything." Her eyes searching his for answers.

"Exactly." He steps towards the tarp-door, pushing it aside, revealing sunshine, "Sun's back out."

It had finally stopped raining.

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><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

There are less then a handfull of chapters left on this story, so it's slowly but surely coming to an end. Please leave a review if you can, I'm always curious to hear what you all are thinking about it. Liked it, loved it, hated it? Thanks for reading!


	36. Chapter 36 What if I stay?

The new Chapters is here. I'm sure some of you will notice that it's a little OOC for the both of them, but that is sort of the entire point of this story. Their characters are finally evolving, because of each other. They need each other to evolve, let go and move on. There's quite a bit of that going on in this one.

* * *

><p>She's running again.<p>

Feeling like a complete idiot, because she's running after her underwear.

The sun was out again bright and shiny, the sand had already dried and gotten hot again under her bare feet.

Sawyer had taken off to catch some more fish for dinner since there was still no rescue boat in sight. So Kate had decided she'd make herself useful by hanging their wet clothes out to dry.

It had sounded good in theory, and the big pieces like their shirts and jeans were staying put on the makeshift clothesline, despite today's strong wind. But her underwear? Not so much!

So here she was undecided what to run after first. Apparently she was more desperate for a bra then her panties.

"Got ya'!" she said as she finally got a hold of it.

It was covered in sand now, so she walked over to the water, rolled up her pant legs to keep them dry and washed the sand out of the bra again. Cursing herself that she hadn't closed the hooks on it after she had draped it across the line.

As she was wringing out the wet fabric to deplete it again of any excess water, her eyes scanned the beach. Sawyer caught her attention further down the beach, in Jin's old fishing spot.

The sight of him with that fishing net still made her giggle, even though he looked rather cocky out there. Apparently he knew what he was doing. Jin must have taught him somewhere somehow in those 3 years they'd spend together; no way had he learned to do this on his own.

After scanning the beach some more, she finally gave up, realizing that she would never see those panties again.

Less than an hour later their little camp-fire was rebuilt and burning.

Thankfully Sawyer had had enough sense earlier to stack the extra firewood he'd gathered in someone's old tent, to keep it dry. Otherwise they would've had a hell of a time trying to get that fire going again.

So here they found themselves again like they had done a thousand times before. Sitting Indian style in the sand around their little fire, waiting patiently for the fish to be done so they could eat.

Obviously they had been talking, but both of them were cautiously avoiding any serious discussions. They were trying their best to keep the conversation light.

No more mentioning of Jack or Juliet. No more mentioning of her leaving and that she might be pregnant. No more mentioning any of those things. After all, they were trying not to fight!

But now, sitting here, things started to feel awkward again. Because it was one thing to be playful, poking fun at each other when it came to them naturally, but it was different when it was staged and layered on too thick … which had now become the case.

What had started out as trying not to fight and keeping it light had somehow transformed into awkward silence, because both of them had grown tired of pretending that this was a happy day!

Finally, Sawyer couldn't take it anymore, "This is just silly!"

Her head jerked up, her eyes meeting his, "What is?"

He waved his hand in the air while he spoke to emphasize the words, "This! Us! Not talking because we're scared of fucking it up again!"

Relief washed over her face, "So it's not just me, you feel it too then?"

"If by 'It' you mean the horrendous awkward tension in the air, then … hell yeah, I feel it."

Their eyes were still locked on one another as a shy and quick smile appeared on both their faces, they agreed on something.

But then the smile disappeared again as fast as it had appeared. Now they stared at each other across their little camp fire once more … almost challenging one another to do something – anything – first.

"So what do you suggest we do about it?" Kate asked sounding strangely sincere.

"We talk." He stated rather bluntly, like it was a no-brainer.

She rolled her eyes at this before she answered, "Yeah well, every time we talk, one of us gets pissed and storms off, so ..."

"One of us?" He cut her off sarcastically. Then he added with a humorous tone to his voice and a sly smirk on his lips, "I ain't naming names, but it ain't me who's storming off."

She was frowning at that, even though the little twinkle in his eyes told her it was suppose to sound like a joke. Then she stated with a matter of fact tone of voice, "You stormed off when I tried to tell you about the …" Eyeing him now cautiously. "… the cancer."

Now he frowned, scolding "Well Sweetcheeks, I wasn't just gonna sit there and let you tell me how you'd planned on leaving me again, so hell yeah, I fucking left."

She raised her voice at this, "I was trying to confess something. I was trying to explain something to you. Something I hadn't even done. Something I wasn't even sure I would've been able to go through with. But I was trying to tell you the whole truth for once, because I felt guilty. And because …" Her voice trailed off, not sounding quite so angry anymore when she added, "… because I hate it that there's all these things left unsaid between us."

"And you think that I don't hate it?" He fumed, "You think that I don't hate it that we never talk anything through? I mean, fuck." He ran both hands through his hair roughly, pushing it back and out of his face.

His eyes meeting hers again before he continued, "Don't get me wrong here, sugar, I like that I can just look at you and you can look at me and we sorta know what the other one's thinking. It's nice to know that sometime you get me like that, but sometimes you don't … and those times it would be nice to talk shit through. Talk about all the crap we can't get across with a look, and … there's tons of that."

Kate let out a sigh, shook her head in disbelieve, like she just couldn't believe what he'd just said.

But when she didn't say anything, Sawyer spoke up impatiently scolding, "What?"

She looked over at him again, "You've never wanted to talk about your feelings. But now you wanna sit here like some damn hypocrite saying you want to talk about what we felt and what we thought about this and that? About way back when? I just don't buy it James."

After a short pause, he fired back fiercely, "Fine. You're right. I hate it, alright? I hate to wear my fucking heart on my sleeve and tell you every god damn thing that I'm fucking thinking or feeling, but … but I ain't the only one in this relationship that doesn't fucking talk. I wasn't the only one that pretended we were fine as long as we kissed, fucked and smiled at each other all day long." That last sentence had come out sounding harsher then he had it intended to sound.

She locked eyes with him, clearly hurt by what he'd said, but then came back strong with a retort, "We both agreed to start with a clean slate when we got married. We both agreed not to hold things from the past against one another, and now you wanna sit here and throw that back in my face, like that was all my idea alone? And besides, I wasn't pretending anything James. I wasn't pretending to be happy with you. I was happy up until you just left. But you're saying you were just pretending? Is that what you're saying?"

"I wasn't pretending that I was happy. I was happy… but just like I had with Juliet, I was just pushing all the baggage under the fucking bed, so to speak. Pushing it aside – out of sight, out of mind – instead of dealing with it all."

She looked away towards the tree line, thinking about what he'd just said before she hurt she was feeling clearly displayed in her eyes and on her face, "So, what are you saying? With baggage you mean her dying, is that it? You're saying you were just pretending to be over her to …" she paused looking for the right words, "… so you'd have someone to sleep with? I mean, that is basically what you're saying, isn't it? You just acted like you were over her and still in love with me so that you had someone to fuck on the regular?" With those last words she jumped up to her feet and was ready to walk away. She felt nauseous all of a sudden.

That's when he jumped up too, and reached her side fast enough to grab her by the arm … again.

Fire in his eyes, he scolded, both his hands wrapped tightly around her wrists pulling her against him, "Damn it Freckles, that ain't what I just said. I can't believe you'd even think that. You know damn well that what you just said ain't true!"

"Let go off me James." She hissed up at him, with venom in her voice, but tears in her eyes.

"I let go of you if you sit your pretty ass back down and fucking listen to what I'm actually trying to say here." He looked down at her challengingly.

There they were, his face just inches from hers. Breathing heavily, his grip on her wrists so tight, it almost made her wince. A stare contest, … who would buckle first this time?

Then Kate spoke up, not breaking the intense gaze when she hissed, "Fine, I'll sit. Now let go of me."

He hesitated at first, but then he released her wrists and took a cautious step back. Watching her closely as she rubbed the red marks he'd left around her wrists, one after the other.

He felt guilt overcome him! He hadn't meant to squeeze her wrists that hard … hadn't meant to actually hurt her. But what she'd just accused him off had definitely struck a nerve.

She finally locked up at him again, and then settled back down into the warm sand, folding her legs underneath herself once more.

He sat down too, but to buy time he now began to finally take some of the fish from the fire. Placing them carefully on big flat leaves to cool down a bit.

He averted his eyes from hers, staring intensely into the flames in front of him instead. There was a long silence, until he finally said, "You got me all wrong. That ain't what I said, and if that's what you heard then you got me all wrong. Then you misunderstood." He looked up, his eyes apologetic now and for some odd reason his heart was suddenly racing. He couldn't really understand why.

"So what did you mean when you said we were pretending?"

"What I meant was that we were trying to live a normal life."

"And what's wrong with that? What is wrong with living a normal life after all the craziness we've been through?"

"There ain't nothing wrong with it. But we both still have issues, and we both like to pretend they don't exist."

"We're doing the best we can. It's not like we can go to a therapist and pour our hearts out about this place and everyone that died here. Or about anything that we did before the crash either. We were trying our best and I thought we were doing pretty good, considering everything that had happened."

"Running out on me because you're sick, to die some place all by yourself … you call that 'doing pretty good'?

"I was trying to protect you."

Not a trace of sarcasm but honest curiosity in his voice, he asked, "Protect me? Protect me from what exactly?"

Kate paused momentarily and sighed, clearly a bit uneasy about what she was going to say next, "I didn't want you to go through that again. She'd died in your arms and … and I was trying to protect you from going through that again."

He didn't respond to that, just remained silent. So did she.

Both of them stared at each other, suddenly realizing that they'd managed to talk a few sentences without any animosity, without any sarcastic undertones, without yelling or screaming or running away. They were actually talking to each other like adults, and both of them instantly recognized how rare this was for the both of them.

He thought about what she'd said for a moment, and then said something she hadn't expected, "How did it feel when you found out I died in that cabin?"

Her eyes wide open, she couldn't believe he'd dare to ask her that. "What? How can you ask me something like that?"

"How did it make you feel Kate? Just talk to me, just answer it … please."

She couldn't even look at him, as she felt the anger rise in her. How dare he ask her about something so painful? Something so painful that he'd done to her. "It hurt more than anything ... I thought …" She wiped a tear away with her right hand, "I thought I'd died myself. I thought I had really lost you and I thought my life was over."

"Were you pissed … at me?"

This question took her by surprise too, but she answered without even having to think about it. Anger written all over her face and the words just flooded out of her as if she'd been holding them back way too long already, "Yeah, actually I was. I was so angry because I thought you'd died alone in that cabin. I was mad because I thought if I hadn't been a distraction to your writing then you wouldn't have left, and you wouldn't have been at the cabin … and you wouldn't have died. I was furious with you, but also with myself for just letting you go."

Tears were running down her cheeks merciless, and she tried her best to get her composure back. But she was too distraught by rehashing all those feelings, too distraught going through those emotions again that she didn't even see where he was going with this.

She didn't understand why he'd asked her that and make her cry once again, until he nodded his head in agreement and then quietly said, "And that's how I would've felt if you would've left me when you were sick and had died someplace all by yourself to ..." He looked up at her and their eyes met once again before he added, " …to protect me."

Silence again and she wiped at her face trying to get the tears under control, then looked at him and just nodded in agreement. Like she was trying to say 'I get it', but then she spoke up quietly and her voice was breaking, "But you see James, the difference is that I didn't do it to you. I didn't run and leave you behind grieving … but you did. You did that to me. You actually hurt me like that."

"I did what I had to do Freckles!"

"It's starting to sound like a broken record James. And no matter how many times you say it or someone else says it to me, it doesn't really make me feel any better. As a matter of fact it pisses me off more and more, every time I freakin' hear it. It doesn't do anything for the pain you put me through."

"Don't you think I wish I could just tell you everything? Do you really think that I like to be all fucking mysterious about it? It would be so much easier for the both of us if I could just tell you why I have to do this?"

She exhaled sharply, "What am I suppose to do with that? How am I suppose to make any sense of it all if you can't explain it to me?"

He shook his head, "The problem with us is … the problem is trust. We ain't got it, …hell, probably never really had any to begin with."

"That's not true and you know it. I did trust you. And you did trust me too. So don't sit there and start undermining everything we ever had or ever were by saying we didn't trust each other.

"I ain't talking 'sleep in my tent so Claire doesn't kill me'-trust Freckles. I'm talking about you taking my word for something … taking just my word for it, no questions asked. I'm talking about you believing me, even if I can't explain my believe to you. But I'm also talking the kind of trust were one can tell each other anything, the truth – no matter how bad – about anything and have enough trust in each other that they can get through it together. I'm talking about that kind of trust … and you and me Freckles, we ain't got that, never had it.

"That makes no sense at all James. What you just said contradicts itself. Tell each other the truth and hope that trust will pull you through but at the same time you say trust should be enough even if you don't know the whole truth."

He sighed in frustration, "So apparently I fucking suck at explaining what I mean, alright. But I just mean that there's a lot of stuff that … there's things I didn't tell and I know there's stuff you didn't wanna tell me … so we never told each other, and we didn't because we didn't trust enough to …" He paused again at a loss for words.

"Fuck" He yelled and jumped up frustrated, unable to say what he's trying to say, unable to think straight. He started pacing.

Kate remained silent and just watched him. Seeing how frustrated he was with himself for not being able to put into words what he was trying to say. She almost felt sorry for him … and she really wanted to understand what exactly he was trying to tell her, because so far he really didn't make much sense.

He finally stopped pacing again, stood still and looked at her, with a look on his face like he just figured something out.

"Okay." He said more calmly again when he sat back down. "I think I have an example here."

Kate sat up a little straighter, curious to hear what he was about to say.

"When I went into the jungle with Locke, the real Locke, when he gave me the tape that said they'd be coming for our pregnant women, remember that?"

"Yup, I remember." She stated calmly. How could she forget?

He wiped his face with his hand again, rubbing his stretched out hand from his forehead down to his chin and up and down again. Exhaling slowly, clearly uneasy about what he was going to say, "You kept asking me what had happened, and I kept sayin' that nuttin' happened."

Kate nodded her head to suggest she remembered that too and he could go on. She was in awe realizing how hard it was for him to talk about this, even after all this time.

He sighed again, "There ain't no pretty way to say it, so I ain't even gonna try to paint a prettier picture here for ya'. So Locke brought me out to the black rock, conned me in there and locked me in with this … this guy."

Kate got up on her haunches, shaking her head, "Wait! What? He locked you in a room with some guy? Why?"

"Freckles, just let me get this out and over with and then I might let you ask some questions, alright?"

She felt a jolt of strange excitement run through her, realizing that after all this time she would finally find out what had happened to him that night. And seeing the anguish in his eyes, she should've probably felt more compassionate towards him but instead she was secretly thrilled. But for his benefit, she tried her best not to look too exhilarated by it all. Instead she sat there, trying her best to appear calm and collected … but on the inside she was ready to leap into his arms just at the mere prospect of him opening up to her. It wasn't so much the actual information then the fact that he was sharing it with her after all this time.

"So, anyway, on the way there he said that he'd kidnapped Ben and that he wanted me to kill him."

Kate was just about to open her mouth and rattle out the next thing on her mind when Sawyer just held up his hand, suggesting to her that he wasn't finished. So her shoulders slumped back down again, trying to contain her curiosity and holding back her questions … and oohhhh it was not easy for her to hold back.

He stood up again and began to pace some more when he continued, "I told him that I wasn't gonna kill anyone, but he insisted that I'd change my mind when I heard what he had to say. Then as I was locked in there, there was that guy in there with me and he was tied up, but it wasn Linus. So me and him got the talkin'. To make a long story short, the guy turned out to be John Locke's father, but that wasn all he was. Apparently Locke's daddy was also a conman that used to go by the name Sawyer."

And with that last sentence Kate's jaw just dropped. And within an instant she was able to put two and two together. She knew right that moment what had happened. She knew that he'd finally found and killed the man that had ruined his life all those years ago.

Sawyer's face flooded with relief when he realized that she understood. He saw it in her facial expression and how her eyes were beginning to glaze over with tears for the hundred times today. He knew just by looking in her eyes that she finally knew what had happened on that fateful early morning.

She completely understood what he'd done, but the look in her eyes wasn't the look of a woman that was disgusted or angry. Instead all he saw in those green eyes staring back at him was empathy, compassion and how much she truly cared about him. How much she truly loved him in spite of what he'd done. And that look in her eyes gave him a boost of confidence he'd desperately needed to continue with the story at this point.

Determined to tell it all now, he faced her head on and took a step around their little fire towards her. But before he could even say anything else, before he could even begin to explain what had happened next, she was already up on her feet. She jumped into his arms with so much force it nearly knocked him to the ground … and then she just held on tight, hugging him fiercely. Comforting him even though she was the one crying out loud.

Sawyer stood there now, letting his arms hanging limp, as if he had no control over them … just hanging there. He fought back the emotions welling up inside of him that came with the stark realization that he'd never told this to anyone before. Not even Claire, who he'd confided in more than he'd ever like to admit. The overwhelming emotions, combined with Kate's comforting and tight embrace, started something within him.

And the moment when he finally wrapped his arms around her and held on tight, was ironically the moment he was able to let go off all the guilt that he'd held onto since that day.

Sawyer was breathing heavily, struggling to not break down crying, but Kate was weeping openly into his chest. Then without much of a warning she reached up, framing his face and pulling him down, kissing him as tears were still running down her cheeks.

It started out as just her lips softly pressing onto his and staying there for a long moment. Sweet and innocent but with so much meaning behind it. Then as she pulled back, both opened their eyes and when they met, he couldn't hold back anymore, framed her face now too and pulled her right back into another kiss. This time their lips touched again for just a brief moment, then both their lips parted in unison and the kiss turned from something innocent to passionate and longing.

They broke apart again. Forehead to forehead until Kate backed away enough to look up at him, "Why didn't you tell me?" She sniffled again after the words had left her lips.

He shook his head, eyes downcast avoiding her stare, "I thought killin' him would do something to me. I thought it'd fix something … it would fix me." He looked up and their eyes met again, "It didn't though. It made everything worse. Made me feel worse and I regretted it. He was tied up, couldn't even defend himself … but I was so angry, I didn't care about anything when I strangled him. In that moment I just wanted him dead."

She let out a loud sob and looked away for a few seconds, then back up at him. Her chin quivered when she said, "Wayne was soooo drunk, he couldn't even walk straight. I actually had to help him … I actually brought him to his bedroom, helped him to lie down, and even took off his boots before … before I blew him to hell James. He couldn't defend himself either, and I didn't care either."

Everything that had happened after her words had echoed off was just a blur. Kisses and hands, tugging and pulling and somehow they'd ended up on the ground. But neither of them could really recall how that had happened. Lying in each other's arms, exchanging kiss after kiss after kiss… soft quick pecks alternating with intense and demanding drawn out kisses, only interrupted by the occasional sniffle.

There it was again, that look between two lovers that didn't need an explanation as to what it meant. Buttons on his shirt were unbuttoned in record speed. Her greedy trembling hands working button after button to then rip the shirt off of him in an almost violent manner. Her pink shirt was ripped equally fast off over her head and carelessly tossed aside.

Eyes on each other with intense gazes, mingled with kisses and more hands roaming. Pants were undone almost simultaneously and impatiently kicked off as both their bodies rolled around on the sandy ground beneath them.

It was late in the day, but it wasn't dark yet. No darkness to hide within, with just the stars and moon to offer some light. No, it wasn't like that at all.

Instead when Kate opened her eyes, lying there on her back with Sawyer hovering above her while he was kissing a trail up from her breasts to her neck, all she saw was a beautiful blue sky. Sunshine.

She closed her eyes again in the same moment that she opened her legs to let him fully in. The feel of him sinking into her. So exhilarating, yet also so familiar and comforting, like this is how they're suppose to be all the time. Like they should be physically linked together all the time, because this was their outlet. This is how both of them dealt with all the feelings they couldn't put into words. But there wasn't anything wrong with it, she thought. How can be anything wrong with something that felt so right to the both of them?

The sound of waves crashing onto the beach just a few feet away. Trees and leaves rustling in the strong wind. Their campfire crackling beside them. All mixed with the sound of their heavy breathing, moans and groans.

All the different smells lingering in the air. The fish they'd cooked. The smell of the ocean and sand. The smell of burning wood.

And him. The smell of his skin, and how she just loved it as she nuzzled her nose into his neck. Enjoying his stubbly neck, … she actually preferred him unshaven. It's just that in those three years she'd spend without him, the memory of him that was etched into her brain was always him with stubble. That's how she remembered him, and that's how she liked him best. And the feel of it when she kissed the crock of his neck, mixed with the taste of his skin, so salty on her tongue. She can't get enough of it, it's like she's addicted to it, addicted to him.

The feel of the sand all around them. The feel of each other. Skin on skin, hands, mouths, tongues … and him inside her, then slowly withdrawing to enter her again. Sensory overload. Kate had never felt anything so intense as right there, trembling underneath him, reaching climax.

Feeling her tightening in spasms around him, he grabbed her jaw with his left hand, forcing her to hold still long enough for his lips to crash down on hers. In between the kisses, she moaned uncontrollably, completely unabashed she let go of it all without any hesitation. And he just loved watching her like this. A jolt of energy running through him as he watched her loose all control. It gave him an unbelievable high, knowing that he could do this to her.

It didn't take much longer for him after that. Every muscle in his body seemingly went rigid. And when she felt the more jerky way his hips started to move, she knew he was there and that it was out of his control now. After all the times they'd been together, she knew the telltale signs of her husband reaching climax.

So now she forced him into a kiss. Both her hands lost in his long hair, pulling him towards her when she poured her heart and soul into that kiss. With the sole intention of driving him crazy with pleasure.

Then she opened her eyes and looked up at him. But his eyes were shut tightly … and his face, she knew that angry scowl would disappear the moment his hip trusted into her for the last time. Then he'd open his eyes, all the angry looking creases and lines would vanish and would be replaced by a lazy happy smile with his dimples digging deep into his cheeks.

And that is exactly what happened. Looking down at her, the lazy happy smile she'd anticipated, kissing her lips over and over and over again, quick and sloppy kisses … and then he kissed her nose, just to mess with her. Making her giggle out loud and crinkle her nose in that adorable way he just loved. His eyes speaking volumes with just a look again, self-assured saying 'it can't get better then this.'

He draped his black shirt over her shoulders when he got up and pulled his pants back on. She slit her arms into the shirt and buttoned it up. All they exchanged where smiles and a shy 'Thanks' from her lips after he'd handed her a leaf with a fish on it. Then they ate in silence, glancing at each other every now and then, exchanging more smiles.

After they were done eating, Kate stood up and pulled on her pants again. Then collected their clothes off of the clothesline, while Sawyer just watched her motionless from his spot by the campfire.

She waved his hand in a 'come on' kind of gesture and actually said the words, "Come on", then waited for him to get up before she turned and headed back towards their tent.

Wordless he followed her inside their shelter.

"Here you go, they're all dry." She said when she handed him his pants and his shirt back.

Both of them changed back into their own clothes without talking.

Sawyer noticed that she wasn't putting on any panties and just had to ask, "Going commando again?"

She smiled up at him, as she pulled up the zipper on her jeans, "My panties flew away."

A chuckle escaped his throat, "Easier access for me then."

She just smiled at that remark, seemingly not bothered that he was implying that they'd have sex again. Which didn't go unnoticed by him.

Then she just sat down on the ground, making herself comfortable in the shade of the tarp, he followed suit and did the same thing. Sitting across from her, pulling her feet into his lap and began to massage them.

Kate broke the silence when she finally said, "I wish you would've told me four years ago about what happened, but I'm really glad you did now."

It was a strange feeling that he couldn't really make much sense of. All he knew was that whatever had stopped him from telling her all those years ago was just gone now. The dam that had held it all back like a river, was now broken down, wide open and letting it all rush out … and nothing could stop it anymore. The doubt about how she'd feel about him was just gone.

So he answered her truthfully, because that was all he could do, "Thought you'd be disgusted with me … hell, I was disgusted with me. I had just killed a man. Then with the whole pregnancy scare and the others coming to get the pregnant women, it had just become too much to handle. I wasn't ready to be a dad. And I wasn't ready to talk about any of it with anyone either."

"Oh I know, I do remember that vividly." A somewhat hurt tone to her voice that didn't go unnoticed by him, but he kept his mouth shut this time. He just continued to rub her feet again silently.

Then Kate spoke up again, "While we're being all honest with each other I think there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

He lifted his gaze to meet her eyes, letting her know that he was listening.

Kate was just surprised how calm he was, just sitting there. He obviously had no clue what she was about to tell him. And for a brief moment she envied him for his state of oblivious. She wished that Juliet had never come to her tent that one morning and told her that she thought that it had been a miscarriage after all. She wished she just didn't know, like him.

And then it struck her for a moment … should she even tell him and burden him with something that happened so long ago? But then she hung her head in defeat, because she couldn't deny that urge to finally get this off her chest. After all this time, she just wanted to get it out and over with, … she just had to tell him to be able to let it all go. Once and for all.

Her lips were pulled into a straight line and she swallowed hard before she just blurted it out, trying her best to attach no emotions to the words as they left her lips for the first time, "I think I had a miscarriage."

Taken completely by surprise he didn't wait for her to elaborate. Instead he stopped rubbing her feet, just held them in a tight grip. Sat up straighter, and his face fell with sorrow, genuine concern and confusion, "What? When? I mean Sweetheart, we just had sex and … are you alright?" His mind was trying to think what had happened. Thinking she must've lost the baby in that week when they weren't speaking. Was that why she'd avoided him at all cost? But wouldn't it've been too soon to have sex after that. All these thoughts running through his mind, and he couldn't even begin to make sense of any of it.

Kate spoke up again, realizing he didn't understand after what he'd just said. But then again, how could he understand. She'd left him in the dark about it all for all this time. Guiltily she said, "No, I don't mean now. I'm talking about back then. Four years ago James. I thought …"

He was dumbfounded, interrupting her, "Wait? What the hell are you talking about? You said you weren't pregnant. You said you were sure that you weren't pregnant." He felt a sudden sting of betrayal that she'd kept this from him. Immediately a string of different scenarios running through his mind again, wondering when she'd found out and when and where it had happened.

"At first I thought I was just having my … you know, my regular cycle. But …" She sighed, her eyes downcast, she couldn't look at him. Nervously fiddling with the hem of her tank top, "But then it turned out that it wasn't just that." Then she shook her head, the emotions to real again and overwhelming her, her eyes darted up at him for a brief moment, "You know what, it was probably nothing. I mean I can't be really sure, it wasn't like I had someone examining me or anything. So it could be that it was nothing." Seeing how he'd reacted, she tried to dismiss it. After all, what did Juliet really know without examining her? It was all just a hoax … it was nothing, she suddenly was trying to convince herself of that notion.

His words brought her quickly back to reality, "But you think it was something, right? I mean if you really thought that it was nothing, then you wouldn't be telling me about it now?"

Kate's eyes met his, she nodded rather reluctantly, and sighed, "Yeah."

He tried his best to keep calm, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried to tell you?"

"When?"

"When I spend the night with you in Dharmaville. I tried to tell you that morning, but then you were so happy after I'd said that I was sure that I wasn't pregnant, …" her voice trailed off. "How was I suppose to go on then and tell you that I'd lost our baby after you just cheerfully announced that us having a kid would be the worst thing in the world."

Sawyer ran his hands through his hair again, sighing deeply, "So when?

"I just told you."

"No, I mean when did you think you had a miscarriage? Where was I?"

She averted his eyes from him again, staring intently at her own hands lying in her lap, "It happened the night you went with Locke. That's why I left your tent so early that night."

He locked down at her feet lying still in his lap, then he shook his head to himself and exhaled a breath he had been holding. His voice was so quiet and sounded so hurt when he just said, "Karma is quite the bitch, ain't it? I'm off killing a man and that same night our baby dies."

Kate's eyes filled with tears when she heard his words filled with regret. Could it really be that he was blaming himself?

She pulled her feet back so that she could move closer to him. He stared intensely onto the ground, lost in his thoughts when she said, "It had nothing to do with Karma James. It had nothing to do with what you did. It was my fault." And when that last sentence had left her lips, she broke down again into sobs, "It was all my fault."

Seeing her tears, he reached out for her. A comforting hand running up her neck and disappearing in her curly tresses, pulling her towards him. Her arms snaked around his neck embracing him, when she crawled into his lap. Straddling him while tears fell again.

"Wasn't your fault Freckles."

She rested her forehead against his shoulder, still sobbing, "They gassed me. The others when I went back for Jack. They gassed me …" A loud uncontrollable cry escaped her lips again. Sawyer rubbed her back comfortingly up and down, shushing her, saying "Ssssshhhhhhhhhh" again and again to get her to calm down again.

Finally between sobs she finished her sentence, blurting it out, like she just needed to get it out of her mouth to get it out of her mind, "Juliet said the gas caused the miscarriage."

He stopped rubbing her back and just held her tightly against him as he was trying to process it all.

Kate felt fear creep up inside of her. Her heart began to race again. She suddenly was scared now, unsure of what would happen now that the truth was out. Because in the back of her mind, she had always expected him to be mad. To fly off the handle like he usually would. She even had anticipated him to blame her and inevitability Jack for it all, but he didn't do any of those things. Instead he just held her tightly, his own face hiding in their tight embrace now.

There was silence. Stillness, as if neither was able to move.

Several moments passed until she heard him clear his throat, and then he just said, "I'm sorry." His voice sounding small and quiet, it was almost a whisper.

After hearing those words, Kate withdrew to look at him, still sniffling, her face red and blotchy and wet from the tears. He lifted his head too, mouthing the words again with almost no voice behind it, "I'm sorry." And when their eyes met this time, she said, "I'm sorry too."

They held that gaze on one another, as he framed her face gently, running both his thumbs across her face. From the side of her nose, under her eyes and over to her cheekbone … wiping the tears away.

Then the corner of his lips just slightly curved upward when he said, "You should be all out real soon."

He knew that the way he'd worded that sentence would cause her to ask back. And she did, "Be out of what soon?"

"Tears." He stated. "Been pretty much crying all day, oughta run out of 'em here shortly."

She couldn't help the smile that sneaked on her lips, and his grew wider, happy that he'd succeeded in changing the direction of this conversation again. Happy that he'd succeeded in making her smile again.

It still wasn't dark out yet, but they still decided to lie down together. Both of them lying there in complete silence with just the sound of their breathing in the air. The wind rustling the tarp every now and then, and the sound of waves in the background. They weren't asleep, they were just content for the moment, with no words … just here and now in each other's arms, staring up at the blue tarp above them while being lost in their own thoughts.

Sawyer for one was reevaluating everything that had just happened. He couldn't believe he'd actually told her about the real Sawyer and that he'd killed him. He also couldn't even begin to fathom the way she'd reacted to his confession. How she'd just wordlessly understood and revealed herself to him about the way that Wayne had died.

Would she have reacted this way four years ago, if he'd have mustered the courage back then to tell it all? The whole point he had been trying to make with the confession was somehow lost in the aftermath of it all. What he had chosen – one of his biggest and darkest secrets – for his prime example of how they didn't trust each other enough to open up, had somehow taken on a life of its own because of her reaction … and the one thing he didn't think they really possessed had transpired from it all in the end. Trust!

To say he was pleasantly surprised by it all was the understatement of the year. He was thrilled to know that they'd apparently grown enough to finally open up like this.

But he was still struggling with his own sanity, as to why on earth he'd chosen that exact event to prove a point. Was it something in his subconscious that had taken over his thinking, when he, almost like on autopilot, decided to serve his darkest secret practically on a silver plate to her. Well, whatever it was that had made him do it, in the end it was all for the better. He felt like he could finally let that night in the jungle go. He could finally really let go of the real Sawyer. He could finally move on!

Then his mind wandered on to the next big revelation that had taken place here today. They would've had a baby. He didn't quite know what to make of it all. She apparently hadn't taken a test, or she would've said so. But she was sure that she'd lost it. And somehow she'd actually talked to Juliet about it all.

He couldn't really relate to what and how she must've felt then. But he knew from her reaction that she'd clearly wanted the baby. He remembered their fight vividly … and how she left his bedroom that morning, after their fight.

Then he remembered her sitting there with Aaron in her lap, watching Cartoons in a language neither of them even spoke. That was the first time he'd wondered if she'd wanted a baby with him back then. And now it had been confirmed. Not only had she wanted one, but she'd had it and lost it … and he'd left her behind by herself to deal with the aftermath of everything on her own.

With that notion, he squeezed her tightly and placed a gently kiss on her forehead, noticing that she was staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. At least she wasn't crying anymore, he thought.

Kate shifted to her side, resting her head in the crock of his arm, her eyes staring out the little airplane window that served as the side of his tent. But from her position next to him on the ground, she could only see the still blue sky above.

What the hell had just happened between them, she wondered. She felt like … she couldn't even find the right words to describe it. Relieved? Maybe that was it. Relieved to have told him the truth after all this time. Relieved that he hadn't reacted the ways she always thought that he would. Relieved in so many ways.

Happy! Yeah, she was happy too. Strangely so, because when she was looking into her future, she knew she didn't have a whole lot to be happy about. She knew she had to leave soon, leave this place and leave him behind. And she didn't want to.

Right in that moment she felt Sawyer squeeze her just a little tighter and then he kissed her forehead. After the kiss Kate remained still for a few more moment, but suddenly she bolted up to a sitting position. Turning to look at him.

"What if I stay?"

Now Sawyer got up, leaning on his elbows, "What?"

"What if I don't leave, James? What if I stay … here with you?" There was so much hope in her eyes and voice; it broke his heart all over again.

His voice filled with determination, "No Freckles, you can't stay. You don't belong here Sweetheart. This place is … it's just nuts, you don't wanna stay here."

"I don't want to James, but I will. I will if that means we can be together. I'll stay for you."

He was afraid of that. He was afraid she'd say something like that … offering herself, offering to suffer on this damn rock with him. This is not what he wanted for her. This is not where she should be. He sighed, "Look, there's a lot of stuff to consider."

She wasn't a fool, she knew that too, but asked anyways, "Like what?"

"For one, you might be pregnant." He paused, waiting for her reaction, hoping secretly that this would put an end to this conversation.

Without a second to spare, Kate scampered up onto her feet, walked to the front of the tent to grab her backpack. Sawyer watched her curiously as she rifled through it.

What is she doing?

With no warning at all, she tossed a long rectangular box towards him, and he caught it in flight.

Looking down at the white box in hand, he read out loud, "Dharma Initiative Toothpaste." Looking back up at Kate he said, "Is this your not so subtle way to tell me that my breath stinks, honey?"

"It's not really toothpaste." She said, and he noticed how she'd just trembled a little while she spoke.

He noticed how the flap of the cardboard box was already open on one end. So he just held the box sideways, shaking it to let its contents spill into his right hand.

Two things tumbled out of the white cardboard. A folded piece of paper with something written on it in print. And something long that was sealed in a piece of silver foil, but nothing was written on the foil that would actually give away its content.

He stared up at her, not understanding. "Well, what the hell is it?"

She intertwined her own fingers, her shoulders slumped a little, and she bit her lip. Even a complete stranger would've picked up on the fact that she was clearly nervous when she said, "It's a pregnancy test."

* * *

><p><strong>End Note:<strong> I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading. And please leave a review if you have a moment to spare. Thanks!


	37. Chapter 37 So  you believe me?

**Author's Notes:**

I finally got this new chapter done. It is the longest chapter so far, and to be honest I'm not 100% happy with it, but I hope you guys find some things about it that you like. I have to warn you though about some Suliet in a flashback.

* * *

><p>"A pregnancy test?" he raised his voice at this as he stared back down to what he was holding in his hand, then looked quickly up at Kate again.<p>

She stood there silent, unsure of what to say or actually where to begin, when Sawyer spoke up before she could.

"Freckles, you better tell me that you found this test here today in someone's tent, because if you had this on you the entire time we were over there on ..."

Kate cut him off, "I didn't find it today." Looking rather somber standing there, as if telling the truth was still something she'd have to get used to.

That shut him right up, now he was speechless as he stood there looking back down at the pregnancy test in his hand. Then he just shook his head and mumbled, drawling the words out "Unbelievable ... unbelievable" instead of all the things he really wanted to yell at her.

She'd heard that and spoke up, "I can explain."

Sawyer lifted his eyes again, meeting her gaze, and with a demanding tone to his voice said, "Well, then start talking Sweetheart. Can't wait to hear this one."

She moved a bit closer to him again, and sat down right in front of him, "Hurley took me to that doctor here, after I passed out when I came back from Bernard's and Rose's hut, and when the doctor was checking me out ... well, that's when I realized that I was late, but I told that Doctor that I'd take a test when I get back to L.A. instead of right then and there."

Sawyer didn't take his eyes off of her the entire time she spoke, he wasn't really all that mad anymore sensing that she's clearly uneasy about what she was trying to explain to him, but he was clearly confused why she hadn't told him that she had a test or why she hadn't taken it yet.

Kate continued, "Anyway, later that night I broke into the Infirmary and stole a test."

"Wait. You broke into the Infirmary?" His forehead wrinkled even more in confusion now.

She nodded, and a small smile actually appeared on her lips, "Yeah, and that guy, that tall guy with the short brown hair that works for you, he's a complete moron, ... didn't see me at all."

"Dan." Sawyer almost had to chuckle at this, "Yeah, well, he's a dimwit, he was already working security before I got here, I wouldn't have hired him." A short moment of silence passed, before Sawyer said, "Now go on, so you stole a damn test but why the hell haven't you taken it yet?"

She broke the gaze and looked down towards her own hands, fiddling with the hem of her shirt again, "I'm scared to take it because ... because I had an MRI done the day that you left to go to that cabin. And I had a few beers that week too. And then when everyone came over, that night when the police showed up and told me that you were dead, ... well, that night Claire, Cassie and I had gotten really drunk. And after that, I didn't really eat anything for a few days."

"What do you mean you didn't eat?" His voice sounded gruff and more concerned about that then about her getting drunk.

She looked up at him again, "I was really upset. I thought you were dead James." Then she added sarcastically, "So I kinda had lost my appetite, eating wasn't really a priority at the time."

A guilty shadow displayed on Sawyers face and he shook his head to himself.

But before he could say anything she spoke up again, "And I didn't want to do it alone either."

Now Sawyer spoke up, clearly a little irritated, "You know that I just spend the whole damn week chopping trees down like a mad man, wondering day in and day out if you're pregnant or not. Going over every god damn scenario in my head, and a hundred fucking 'what if's' and now I find out that we could've known all along."

"Did you hear anything I just told you? About the MRI and the liquor?"

"Yeah, I heard you just fine, but you do realize that if this test is negative you could've stopped worrying about it altogether."

"But what if it isn't negative?"

"But what if it is?"

They both stared at each other challengingly again, until he just took her hand into his free one and pulled her up to a stand with him, "Let's go and find out."

She followed him outside the tent rather reluctantly. The hot sand burning the soles of her feet with every step she took, while he was pulling her towards the tree line.

When they reached a rather suitable area in the foliage, he stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards her and she watched him as he tore the silver foil open on one end and pulled the plastic stick out of it. Wordlessly he just handed it to her, and then Kate spoke up, "Do you have a watch?"

"No, I don't. Why?"

She nudged her head towards the folded up piece of paper that he was still holding in his hand, "'Cause the instructions say it takes three minutes."

He glanced down at the paper in his hand without unfolding it, "Guess we'll have to estimate."

Then they both just stood there as if frozen in place, until Kate said, "You're gonna stand there and watch me pee on it?" She said in a voice that let him know she wanted him to leave.

Suddenly feeling a little flustered he said, "No, 'course not."

But in contrast to what he'd just said he still stood frozen in place for a moment staring at her standing there equally still in the middle of the jungle ... with that stupid stick in her hand.

And he had a million things running through his mind, all those god damn 'what if's' were beginning to suffocate him. And then all the things he'd said and done to her, some out of stupid pride, some just out of pure stupidity itself and some just out of spite ... to piss her off and push her away ... all of them were suddenly roaming around in his mind. And he felt the overwhelming urge to tell her about those things and try to explain away the ones he could ... and apologize for the ones he had done just to hurt her, with no real explanation as to why behind them.

There was so much left that he suddenly wanted to tell her, but never had ... and it felt like they were at a crossroad somehow. Right now they were still James and Freckles, but once they part ways right now there was a possibility that they would never be the same again ... everything they were could change here in a matter of three fucking minutes. A change for the better or worse ... he didn't know how it would all play out and it scared him to death. So the unspoken words lingered on his tongue ... his body literally trembling with the need to tell her - now or never - but he just couldn't. He didn't even know where to start ... hell, he'd done so much to her and before he knew it the words somehow died down before he could voice them.

Coward!

So he just turned around and had already taken a few steps back towards the beach, when he turned back around again and walked right back to her.

Kate watched him curiously coming right back towards her with that determined swagger of his, his eyes downcast as if he had to watch his steps carefully, one hand shoving the instructions into his back pocket at the same moment.

And before she knew what was happening one of his hands was reaching behind her neck and into her curls, pulling her towards him. His blue eyes met her green ones now. The look he gave her spoke to her as clearly as if he'd actually said the words out loud ... saying 'I'm sorry'! Sorry for what exactly, she wondered but her thoughts were interrupted when he closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to hers, giving her one of his breathtaking kisses, and then mumbled "I love you" against her still parted lips before he turned around and now really left her standing there alone. With the stupid stick!

He had already turned away from her when Kate's chin began to quiver ... she hated being such an emotional mess these days but she couldn't help it. But when she whispered an "I love you too" he was already gone too far to even hear it.

He didn't walk all the way back to the beach, just enough to give her some privacy. So there he stood, leaning against a three, his hands were trembling when he pulled the instructions back out of his pocket and was trying to read them. Cursing that he didn't have his glasses with him, but he was able to read it as long as he squinting and kept the shaking of his hands to a minimum.

He was nervous. His heart was racing, pounding like a damn drum in his chest and he wished he hadn't stopped smoking a few months back ... what he wouldn't give for a damn cigarette to calm his nerves right now. Or some hard liquor ... a big tall glass of whiskey would probably do the trick, he thought to himself.

He sighed and folded the paper up again, wondering what was taken her so long. All she had to do was pee on the damn stick and get this over with.

Then his mind began to wonder again.

What if it really is positive? What then? She'd have the kid and raise it all on her own. Dealing with the fucking paparazzi all on her own too. They'd never leave her alone now with a baby on the way from her dead husband. He could just see the headline on those stupid gossip rags - 'Oceanic baby' - or something equally stupid. But Clair and Cass would be there for her. He had no doubt about that at all.

Cass more so now than ever before. If this test came back positive they were family now. She'd forever be a part of Kate's life now, with that baby being the half-sibling of Clem and all. Clem would make an awesome big sister, and ... and him? He'd never be a part of any of it.

Maybe it's negative. Maybe all this worrying and wondering what would happen is for nothing and it will be negative. If it is, then it can all go back to normal. He won't let her stay here on the island, he'd made that mistake once, he ain't about to let history repeat itself. The image of her half-naked and tied down on that damn table popped into his mind. And if Jack hadn't showed up to alert him, god only knows what they would've done to her.

Yeah, that's the kinda shit that happens here, no way will I let her stay here. She can go back to L.A. and maybe after some time's past she'll meet someone new and live happily ever after with ...

"Fuck, what if it's fucking negative." He said out loud, when he really hadn't intended to.

He silently cursed himself for feeling the way that he was ... wondering why now in this fucked up situation that they were in, why now he came to realize that he actually would like to have a kid with her. He ran his hands through his long strands of hair again and sighed loudly as if he alone was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Then he heard something in the bushes behind him, and the nanosecond it took him to turn around, Kate had already stepped out of it and came into view. With the stupid stick clutched in her hand. Has it been three minutes already, he wondered.

He couldn't read the expression on her face, just notice that she'd been crying again, scared to death he asked the inevitable, "So, what does it say?"

"I already told you, it takes three minutes." She huffed in a shaky voice, avoiding his eyes at all cost, afraid to break down crying again.

Then she passed him and headed for the beach without another word. She was so mad that he was making her do this, and with that notion her strides were picking up speed as if she was trying to lose him behind in the jungle.

But Sawyer was right behind her, clearly sensing the tension in the air between them.

They'd made it back to their camp but it became clear to Sawyer that Kate had no intentions of stopping just yet when she marched right past his tent and just kept on walking further down the beach.

He was right on her tail when he said, "I think it's been three minutes babe." It had probably already been five he thought to himself.

She glanced back at him over her shoulder for just a second without losing any speed, "Not yet."

For some strange reason a completely unrelated conversation they'd shared in the past came back to his mind.

* * *

><p><em>Are we there yet?<em>

_If we are where I think we are then our beach should be just through those trees. We'll be home in about 5 minutes._

_Try to contain your excitement, Freckles._

_Forgive me if I'm not excited about explaining why there's only two of us coming back, James._

_Maybe they should explain why they ain't come looking for us. In fact, I'd be surprised if Locke - Ow, ow, ow._

_What happened?_

_I stepped on something. Son of a bitch!_

_Looks like a dart._

_How the hell did it get out here?_

_Alright, just relax your foot for a second, okay? I'm going to pull it out. On the count of three. Ready? One._

_Ow! I thought you said three?_

_Yeah, well, anticipation's the worst part. I thought I would spare you._

_You know, all you have to do is say sorry. We could start again, give each other a clean slate._

_Slate. Like on Little House?_

_What?_

_Little House on the Prairie? Laura Ingalls used to write on this little chalkboard at school._

_You call it Little House?_

_I had mono when I was a kid, missed two months of school - we only got one channel in my trailer._

_What are we even talking about?_

_We ain't talking about nothing._

_James?_

_And I ain't got nothing to be sorry for._

_So that's how it's going to be?_

_Welcome home, Sawyer._

_Welcome home, Kate._

* * *

><p>Shaking the not so happy memory from his mind he finally questioned her since they had long passed their campsite altogether. "Are we there yet?"<p>

"Just a little further ... we're almost there." She answered without glancing back this time and he almost didn't hear her over the sound of the waves right beside them.

A little annoyed he grunted to himself, then sped up his pace to actually reach her side and grabbed her free hand, intertwining his fingers in hers without really giving her a choice in the matter. Then he glanced down at her saying, "Someone I know once said that anticipation is the worst part. So why don't we just check the test already?"

Kate looked up at him for a second, but didn't answer him or slow down at all, so Sawyer just sighed and gave up.

Another minute later she finally slowed down, "We're here."

Sawyer looked around, "Here where?"

He looked around. Up and down the beach and over to the tree line. It was just like their beach, just a bit further down. Nothing about this little strip of beach struck him as anything special compared to where they'd just come from.

Kate looked up at him, "Here is where I sat with Sun when she'd taken her test."

He didn't really know how to respond to that, and after a moment of silence he just said, "Instructions said that the first pink line indicates that the tests working and the second line means it's positive, even if it's barely visible after three minutes ... but I think it's been more like ten minutes now." He swallowed nervously, glancing at the test stick in Kate's hand.

"Okay then, are you ready?" She asked, her voice sounding as shaky and nervous as his, but before he could answer her she felt her legs getting wobbly beneath her, so she added, "Maybe we should sit down."

"Good idea." He said and watched her sit down in the sand and then he scooted up behind her without any hesitation.

So Kate leaned back into him a little, her own heart pounding in her chest. The anger she'd felt somehow had subsided and was replaced by just fear now. She was scared and even if she was completely honest with herself she didn't even know what result she was hoping for anymore.

She wanted to stay with him but at the same time she wanted a baby too. But what if something's wrong with the baby because of the MRI she'd had? What if it will cause another miscarriage? She didn't think she could possible go through that again.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a brief moment wishing on a falling star even thought there wasn't one. Wishing she could have her old life back in L.A. with him and everyone they cared about and a baby. A healthy baby.

Sawyer wrapped his arms around her waist, holding onto her like he thought she would slip away from him at any moment. His palms were sweaty as they rested unintentionally on her abdomen. Realizing himself now why she might've avoided this for so long ... denial didn't seem so bad anymore at the moment. He swallowed the lump in his throat and rested his chin up on her shoulder, when both their eyes were glued to Kate's hand, which she was opening now excruciatingly slow to reveal the test.

But right when the result was just about to come into view, Sawyer's left hand reached up and clutched her fingers shut around the stick again.

"Wait." He blurted out to her surprise, that's when Kate scooted and turned enough to be able to see him and noticed how nervous he was about it all too. She was strangely relieved by his nervousness.

His hand was still holding firmly onto her hand, which was still holding onto the test.

Sawyer's voice sounding incredibly strange somehow when he asked her, "What are we even hoping for?"

"What?" Kate asked him back as if she hadn't heard him just now. She'd been convinced that he was hoping for it to be negative ... wasn't that the entire point he'd been trying to make?

Sawyer swallowed that lump again, "Are we hoping for one line or two lines Freckles?" His chest was rising up and down, like he'd just run a mile or two. But his breaths were just trying to keep up with his racing heart.

Kate's voice was equally shaky when she said, "I don't know." Then she pointed the imaginary gun to his chest, "What are you hoping for?"

He broke the gaze and looked out onto the ocean for a moment and Kate watched him rather mesmerized as if her life depended on what Sawyer was hoping for instead of the actual test result itself.

His lips were pulled into a straight line, and his dimples showed even though it wasn't a smile at all, then he finally looked back at Kate and a crazy thought crossed his mind right then and there. So he said, "Well, maybe I can talk to Hurley and maybe the big guy will let me leave the island every once in a while."

Kate's eyes spelled confusion, but before she could voice it he continued, "I mean, we'd have to be real careful and all, since I'm supposed to be dead, but ... you know, maybe I could come see you, I mean, meet you somewhere, and meet our baby and stuff."

Kate felt Goosebumps all over. Was this really happening? "You think Hurley would let you do that? Come and see us I mean?"

"The man's heart's almost as big as the guy himself, can't picture him saying no to that ... I mean, I wouldn't leave the island for good, I can't do that ... I'd just be visiting you and the baby, and maybe handle a bit of island business while off-island and take over Richard off-island duties. He said he was finally ready to retire."

"I could move to the island too, once the baby's born." She said with a hopeful heart, butterflies in her stomach like she was just falling in love with him all over again.

"No!" He almost yelled out, his voice sounding almost mean, "This place isn't safe. This isn't a place for a kid and you know it."

And just like that the butterflies were gone again!

Then he added, his voice comforting and sweet again, "Sorry, didn't mean to yell, but I could never ... I just can't let you stay here Freckles. This place is not safe, but I'll try my best to convince Hurley to let me come and see you as often as possible. Can't really promise anything 'till I talked to the man though, but ... well, that's the best I can do Sweetheart. And if that ain't enough for you then I'll understand. I mean if you meet ..."

She cut him off before he could go on, unable to contain her newfound hope she blurted out, "I'll wait for you."

He tried not to smile at that, but the corners of his lips still pulled upward, revealing a shy smile nonetheless.

She shyly smiled back at him too and said, "I think it's been like fifteen minutes now, James."

He sighed deeply, looked at her and said, "Let's do this." But he was still scared to death, even more so now for giving her hope about off-island visits, when he really wasn't so sure that he'd be allowed to do that. But he had hope and he had given her hope.

And somehow a memory of Sayid sitting around a campfire popped into his mind. The Iraqi preached to him, _"Hope is a very dangerous thing to lose."_

You damn right Mohamed, it is!

So Sawyer released his death grip he'd had on Kate's hand and she finally opened her hand to reveal the test result.

Both stared at the stick for a moment in silence, until Sawyer couldn't hold his tongue anymore and said in a strangely sounding voice, "Son of a bitch ... You're pregnant." And as soon as the words had left his lips, he smiled wide, teeth showing and dimpled digging deep into his cheeks.

His eyes beamed with joy, and so did Kate's when she turned to look at him again, "We're really having a baby James."

They kissed. Smiled. And kissed again.

Sawyer grabbed the stick out of her hand to examine it more closely, "That second line ain't even pink anymore, that's bright fucking red if you ask me."

Kate stared at it too, "It's fuchsia."

"Fuchs-what?"

"Fuchsia ... you know, like a really dark pink."

He just shrugged at that and stared at it some more.

He just didn't know what else to say. He just sat there with one arm firmly around Kate, pulling her to him while staring at the test and grinning like a fool.

Shit, this is really happening. She is really gonna have my baby.

They stayed sitting in that spot in the warm sand, taking turns examining the stick again as if it wasn't really true unless they each stared at it for a bit longer. When sunset was approaching they decided to get up and walk back the short distance to their camp, hand in hand and test in hand too.

As they walked in silence, Sawyer's mind wandered back to all those years ago and how he'd hoped beyond hope that she wasn't pregnant then. And he wondered to himself how strangely different he felt about it all this time around. He'd never seen himself as the fatherly type ... but that was all before he took care of Aaron for three weeks with hardly any help from Claire for the first two weeks. And being in the little man's life ever since. And also Clementine had a lot to do with the way he felt about being a daddy now ... thanks to Kate he had been able to get to know her and spend time with her.

He'd never had that since his parents died, he thought for a moment. He'd never been part of a family since then, until they'd made it off the island together. Strangely Clair and Aaron, Miles even and of course Clementine and Kate were his family now. And now Kate and him would have a baby of their own. Starting their own little family.

Now he just had to convince the big guy to let him go off-island every now and again to be with them.

After picking up her pink shirt that had still been lying in the sand by the campfire, they settled into Sawyer's tent.

The sun had completely disappeared into the ocean somewhere ... neither of them really cared. Darkness engulfing them while lying on the sandy ground, except for the glow from their campfire that was slightly visible even through the closed tarp that served as their door.

Both of them lying on their side, facing each other ... the positive pregnancy test sitting on top of one of Sawyers old empty suitcases like a trophy would sit on someone's mantel over the fireplace.

Like teenagers ... exactly like teenagers who were so crazy in love and utterly unaware in what kind of trouble they were actually in. And while kisses were shared, there were giggles and chuckles, smoldering looks and hands were roaming. But oddly enough, neither of them made any attempts at undressing each other. There was a new found intimacy between them that didn't require for clothing to be shed. Not at the moment anyways.

All she could think was that she couldn't really explain any of this, she couldn't understand it ... this feeling. And then that thought made her giggle out loud again, because she finally got it. She got what he had been trying to say earlier, about trusting in something, even if you don't fully understand it. And she did now, she trusted in him, even though it didn't make any sense at all ... because she was pregnant and he was stuck on this island and in the real world everyone believed that he was dead.

But strangely, the latter didn't matter to her right here and now. All she could think of is that she was pregnant, and that Sawyer was happy about it too ... that he wanted this with her. She could see it in his eyes and the way he was touching her now ... differently ... yet it was all so real. More real than it had ever been before.

They had no idea how much time had passed or how late it was. Time seemed to stand still for them at the moment. Blissful silence hung between them when Sawyer rolled onto his back and Kate snuggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder, her face nuzzling into his neck.

And just when Sawyer thought she'd fallen asleep in his arms, her small voice spoke up, "What if something is wrong with the baby James?"

"Ain't nothing's gonna be wrong with the baby." There was no faltering in his voice. Not a shred of doubt whatsoever the way he'd just presented that sentence to her. Like there was no wiggle room to elaborate.

But Kate couldn't let it go that easily. "You don't know that though. What if MRI's do some kind of damage? I think it has something to do with magnets, you know ... magnetism, like the island. I tried to look it up in the book, but I couldn't find anything about MRI's."

The concern in her voice couldn't be missed. She was really scared for their baby's well being, now that it was confirmed that there really was a baby.

Sawyer shifted onto his side, to face her again. Looking over at her and slowly letting his fingertips travel over her face, from the center of her forehead over her brow all the way to her ear, pushing those wild curls back and out of her eyes. Then with the most genuine look in his eyes that Kate had ever seen, he said, "Baby's gonna be fine, Freckles. I'll talk to Hurley and he'll make sure the kids gonna be just fine, so don't you worry about that anymore. I'll make sure of it, I promise!"

And he'd meant it, every word of it. He'd drink the damn holy water himself if that's what he'd have to do. But their baby was going to be healthy, he'd see to it, even if it was the last thing he'd ever do.

"You really think he can do that?"

"Freckles, remember when Richard told us that he came here on the black rock, way way back and the man just recently went completely grey. Sayid raised from the dead in front of our eyes. And Aaron really thinks that he spend the first three years of his life with Claire and not you. And then there's you Freckles, you boarded a plane in 2007 and somehow arrived in 1977 with me ... so yeah, I'm sure the kids gonna be alright. Hurley will see to it, so you need to stop worrying about that, alright Sweetheart?"

When Sawyer leaned in for a kiss all while palming her cheek softly in his left hand, she nodded in agreement but she was secretly wishing she shared his untiring faith in what Hurley and this island can do.

And just like that they began talking again, holding a steady gaze on one another ... neither of them seemed to be tired at all as they talked on for what seemed like hours.

And so the night went on with them just talking about everything they could possible think of. Her and his past. Asking each other questions and actually getting truthful answers in return ... it was so strange and yet so enticing at the same time.

And it also didn't seem to matter how important or unimportant of a question it was ... they just talked and talked ... there was no end in sight. Some of their usual banter in between, some kisses here and there and some conversation topics that were rather serious and close to the heart ... yet they both still answered honestly, revealing as much as they could without falling apart.

Then came a question from Sawyer that should've been harmless enough, "Where did ya' learn how to cook?"

"Why do you wanna know?" came back from her.

"Just curious who taught ya' how to burn a steak to half its size."

Kate scoffed as if offended, "I burned it just one time. One time ... you're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

He had to chuckle at that but didn't really answer, so she continued with a question back, "So you're asking 'cause you don't like my cooking?"

He grinned from ear to ear when he drawled, "Yeah, well ..."

She cut him off by slapping his shoulder, pushing him away from her in the process while acting all mad, but Sawyer just chuckled, "I was kidding girl. No need to get all violent with me ... I love your cooking."

"Then why'd you ask?"

He rubbed his shoulder now as if she had actually hurt him, obviously mocking her, before he stopped grinning like a fool and answered her honestly. "When you met me at the airport on that day, when Claire and I flew into L. A., remember?"

She nodded and he continued, "Well ... and you took me back to your place that night, while Claire took Aaron with her to that motel where her mom and her aunt had been staying. Anyhow, you fixed something to eat for us and I was just really surprised that you could cook like that ... cook that good I mean."

She had heard the underlying compliment but still looked up at him puzzled, "Why would you assume that I didn't know how to cook?"

He sort of shrugged his shoulders, as much as you can do so while lying on your side, "It's just whenever you popped into my mind, it was never an image of you slaving over a hot stove, Martha. Guess I just never pegged you for the housefrau type." Then he raised his eyebrows suggestively and added, "Although you were all hot and sweaty in my dreams, but not from domestic chores." He licked his lips suggestively, waiting for her to take the bait.

Kate however completely ignored his last statement and the 'lip-lick', just questioned his choice of a nickname, "Martha?"

"What? You don't like it? She can cook too and she also went to jail. You and her are one of a kind."

Now she shoved him again, chuckling while she blurted out, "Don't compare me to Martha Stewart ... I'm nothing like her."

"Ain't a reason to get all mad ... she can cook and decorate and all that shit, you should be flattered."

"I'm not." She answered back quickly.

A few seconds passed before Sawyer spoke up again, "You still haven't answered my question. So who taught you how to cook?"

Out of the blue her demeanor got serious, "My mom taught me." She paused sighing, her eyes averting his for a moment when she added, "I had to know how to fix breakfast for him when she was working the early shift, pack his lunch too and how to make dinner if she was working the late shift at the diner."

Him! Sawyer knew all too well by now who she meant by that, there was no need for her to say his name. And right away his mind played out different scenarios what would happen if Wayne didn't like what she had cooked for him.

What would Wayne have done if she'd burned his steak? And then he remembered that day again when he came home and the whole house smelled like something was still burning and how she started crying the moment she saw him walk into the kitchen. Knowing now that she had to cook for that lousy son of a bitch brought a whole other meaning to why she was standing there crying.

Sawyer reached over and lifted her chin with his hand so she'd look at him again. Trying to say with his eyes what he couldn't say with words ... sympathy, he really wasn't sure what else he could say to her after that.

Stupid sentences formed in his head, like 'Least you know how to cook now' but he knew damn well that wasn't something she would wanna hear or even receive well at the moment. So he didn't say it or anything else for that matter, he just cupped her cheek again and kissed her softly ... for all the things he couldn't say.

After the kiss they both remained silent, just gazing at each other in that lovey-dovey kinda way again. Completely at awe with each other for how open they'd managed to be today.

This was a new beginning for them. There was no doubt.

But then Sawyer seemed to have overstepped this new found openness when his forehead wrinkled, his face got all serious and he asked her the unthinkable.

At least it seemed like the unthinkable to Kate, when he stroked her cheek tenderly, gazed into her eyes and said, "Why'd you do it Freckles? Why'd you kill him?"

Kate just stared at him in disbelieve. She felt like someone had just punched her and all the air had subsequently left her lungs. She felt physical pain as a result of that question, her throat closed up and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Sawyer could feel her entire body just stiffening against him, she looked away from him avoiding his stare and in the corner of his eyes he saw her ball her right hand into a fist.

He hadn't meant to cause that kind of a reaction in her, so he quickly said, "Just forget it. Doesn't matter ... I know you ain't in the business of killing innocent folks. Knocking your mama 'round for all those years, if you asked me that son of a bitch should've met his maker a hell of a lot sooner."

He didn't really expect an answer at all, so he was surprised when she looked up, met his eyes and said, "That's not why I did it."

Ahhh hell, I'm so fucking screwed. What the hell was I thinking asking her that?

He didn't know what to say to that. Did she want him to ask again? Was she ready to tell him the whole truth? Ready to tell him what made her do it?

Sawyer just didn't know what to make of her response, so he replied as honestly as he could, "Look honey, like I said, you don't have to tell me nothing ..." He paused trying to interpret the look in her eyes. " ... unless you ... unless you wanna tell me."

She didn't nod or say yes or anything like that. Instead she surprised Sawyer when she just started speaking.

"I could go on and on about all the ways he'd made her and my life a living hell, but ... but if you watched my trial then you already know about most of that, so I'm gonna get straight to the point. My mom had to work the late shift on the day I turned eighteen, so I went out with a few of my friends that evening.

A friend of friend brought some booze, so we all got drunk that night. It was already past midnight by the time I finally made it home, I was a bit drunk but not like really bad, you know.

His truck was in the drive, but all the lights were off so I figured he was already passed out like usually."

She paused for a second to gather her thoughts and Sawyer didn't say anything, just remained quiet and gave her the time she needed before she continued, "To make a long story short, when I got into the house, he ... he sort of attacked me." Kate shook her head and wiped a tear away.

Sawyer couldn't hold back anymore now and before she could say anything else, he yelled out furiously, "Son of a bitch!" Balling his own hands into fists now, his jaw set tightly while he tried to keep his anger in check.

Kate quickly spoke up, she just wanted to get this out and over with when she said, "Anyway, he was pretty drunk, shoved me to the ground, got on top of me, tried to undue my jeans and."

Sawyer cut her off. "Hush. Shhhhhhhhhh." He said as he wrapped her into his arms and squeezed her tightly, he couldn't bear to hear the rest.

But then Kate whispered, "But I have to tell you the rest now, or."

"Shhhhh. No you don't sugar. Ain't no reason to go there. The fucking bastard's burning in hell where he belonged all along."

But Kate wouldn't let up, she pushed back a little to look up at Sawyer, locking eyes with him again, "No, you don't understand, you're assuming the worst, but ... but that's not what happened."

There was both surprise and relief displayed on Sawyers face when he asked, "So he didn't ...?" He couldn't finish the sentence, just searched her eyes for confirmation.

Kate shook her head, "He didn't rape me, James."

He sighed loudly in relief, and pulled her face into his chest again, kissing her hair and mumbled, "Thank god." But right away he still thought that the guy got what he deserved regardless.

Kate broke free from his tight embrace again to elaborate more, "He tried to but I ... I was able to fight him off. I fought him off of me, ran out of the house, got into his truck 'cause I knew the keys would be in it and I ran."

After pausing for a few seconds, she continued. "At first I think I was so in shock. I just drove, not really sure where to go."

"Did ya' go to the cops?" Sawyer interrupted her with his question.

Kate shook her head, "No, 'cause Wayne and the Sheriff were poker buddies, so there was no use in going there. So instead I drove to the diner where my mom worked, parked Wayne's truck across the street and just sat there, waiting for her to close up. And as terrified as I still was, I really thought that after all these years he'd finally crossed the line and my mom would come to her senses and finally leave him once she would hear what he'd tried to do to me."

Kate sniffled again, wiping a tear away with the back of her hand, "So when she finally came out and walked to her car, I got out of the truck and walked up to her. In tears I told her everything that had happened, but she just stood there silently and emotionless hearing me out. Then she said that Wayne had already called her and told her everything. He'd told her that he caught me trying to sneak in the house drunk and that he had just wanted to teach me a lesson.

Apparently he hadn't been as drunk as I thought he was, because he was levelheaded enough to cook up a good enough story to even convince my mom that all he had tried to do was show me how easily I could be taken advantage off while I was drunk. And she said that he'd even said that he hadn't meant to scare me as badly as he had, but now I'd know better than to stay out all night getting drunk. It was the most unbelievable cover up story I had ever heard, but honestly it didn't really surprise me that my mom believed him. Or at least she appeared to believe him. Then she even said that I'd get an earful from him because I'd 'stolen' his truck and driven off in it while drunk.

She told me to get in the car with her to go home. I just couldn't believe this was really happening, so I just ran across the street got back in his truck and left, spend that night all alone in his truck parked out in the middle of nowhere.

Nothing was ever the same again after that night. I stayed at a friend's house for a little while. I called my dad up too, told him what had happened and he didn't really say whether or not he believed me, but he did send me enough cash for the deposit and first couple months rent on a little one bedroom apartment.

I was supposed to start taking college classes after that summer but I needed the money now to pay for rent so I got a job working on a farm instead. I would just see my mom at the diner. Only went back to the house once to get all of my things, but stayed away from Wayne as much as I could. The few times that we did cross paths he always had this way about him and the way he'd leer at me, ... he just made me feel uneasy.

A few years went by and I was trying to make this scrapbook for my dad's birthday, so I had called a friend of my dad's to get some pictures. Well, some of the pictures he'd send me had dates on the back and from those dates I realized that he'd been in Korea when my mom had gotten pregnant with me."

Sawyer's eyes grew wide, he had remained silent and just let her talk without interrupting, but he hadn't seen this coming at all and just had to speak up, "So Sam ain't your daddy?"

Tears fell some more, but Kate had been able to hold it together for the most part, "Not biologically, but he is my dad in every way that it counts."

"Well, and he'd never said anything and neither had your mom? Who is your dad then?"

"Who do you think?" She said with the saddest look in her eyes.

"Son of a bitch! That bastard was your dad? So your mom was sleeping with that guy long before Sam and her split up? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure James. And that is why I killed him. I killed him because he was evil incarnate." Her chin began to quiver uncontrollably when she said, "I mean, what he'd tried to do to me and to think that I'm this daughter ... I hated that he was or is a part of me."

Sawyer had heard enough to be furious beyond believe, but at the same time he realized it wouldn't do Kate any good. So he tried his best to just comfort her, holding her in his arms, "Freckles, that bastard got what he deserved for what he'd done to you. I'd kill him my damn self if you hadn't done so already."

Kate rubbed the tears off of her face as she locked eyes him, "So ... so you're saying you believe me? You believe that he really tried to rape me?"

Sawyer looked at her dumbfounded, "'Course I believe you, Sweetheart. Why wouldn't I believe you?"

She hugged him like there was no tomorrow, as she buried her face into his chest. Not even Tom had believed her without a doubt. It seemed unreal that Sawyer would. And suddenly instead of sadness she felt relieved. Relieved to have gotten it all off of her chest and relieved that Sawyer didn't think she was crazy for having done what she did.

They both remained quiet for a little while, as if trying to digest everything that had just happened. The revelations where starting to get to them.

But soon the silence was replaced again with conversations about nothing and everything at the same time.

And somewhere, somehow the conversation had managed to come full circle ... back to Juliet.

And in an accusatory tone Kate told Sawyer about what had happened in the processing center that day. How she hadn't been on the list, yet Hurley and Jack had been. How it was clear to her that Juliet had left her off the list on purpose, but then had a change of heart for ... whatever reason.

Sawyer of course hadn't even known about that, but still tried to defend Juliet. He just couldn't believe that she'd have done something like that and put Kate at risk of being exposed.

"So you think I'm lying?" Kate asked defensively.

"No, I'm not saying you're lying, I just think that maybe you misunderstood something."

"You weren't there James. That guy, Phil, he had a few lists, the sub manifest and some other ones, and I wasn't on either one of them, but Hurley and Jack were. So you're saying she went through all the trouble faking the paperwork by adding the two of them, but just conveniently forgot to add me?"

"She did add you, you just said so yourself that she came in there and gave Phil the right papers."

Kate shook her head because she just couldn't believe that Sawyer was this dense when it came to Juliet. But when tears began to well up in Kate's eyes Sawyer sighed and spoke up again, "Maybe you're right."

Kate's face jerked up to meet his, "So ... you're saying you believe me?"

Sawyer sighed again and said, "Well, Juliet was pretty insecure as far as you were concerned."

Kate couldn't believe her ears, because she couldn't really picture Juliet being insecure about anything really. But then Kate wondered out loud, "Is that why she stuck me in the motor pool with her? So that she could keep an eye on me?"

"Actually no, I put you in the motor pool with her."

"You did that? Why? I don't know a thing about cars."

"Well, where else should I've put you? It ain't like I had a list of your previous jobs to go by. Didn't really know your qualifications, Sugar, but this way I figured Juliet could help you out."

"I can track. I know how to fire a gun. I could've worked security with you." But right as that last sentence had left her lips, she realized what she'd just suggested.

And the look in Sawyers eyes spoke volumes too. "You working security with me Freckles?" He gave her an amused look, "Can you imagine the look on everyone's face if I'd assigned you to work with me? And besides, we were all in the seventies, a woman working in security ... don't know that the good old Dharma folks would've went for that, Sweetheart."

She nodded in agreement, "I guess so ... but it would've been nice getting to see you more often."

He nodded too, "It would've been nice, ... but she was already paranoid enough about you coming back and what it all meant for her and me. There was no need to add oil to the fire by having you work side by side with me."

He paused for a moment, "I'm sorry she didn't put you on that list right from the start. I don't know what she was thinking risking exposing you like that."

Kate just nuzzled her face into his chest again and sighed, because the fact that Sawyer finally admitted that maybe Juliet wasn't as picture perfect as she'd appeared meant the world to her.

But Sawyers mind drifted off to how Juliet and him had come to be in the first place and he couldn't help the frown on his face when he remembered everything he'd put that woman through.

* * *

><p>Flashback<p>

Dharmaville, January 1975

Sawyer rolled off of her rather quickly, ashamed of what he'd done. But it wasn't the fact that he'd just had sex with her that had him ashamed, it was what he'd accidentally called her in the midst of it that had him at a loss for words right now.

And he also knew that no witty remark would undo what he'd just called her.

He knew that she knew how he felt, but still, this wasn't fair to her. And after getting to know her, and having spent time with her for the past seven months, he'd be lying if he'd say he didn't care about her.

He does care, and truth be told Juliet is everything he could've ever wished for. But what Juliet is or was, wasn't the problem, the problem was what she was not ... the problem was who she's not.

She ain't her ... she ain't his Freckles!

But that's exactly what he'd just called her. 'Freckles' he'd whispered into her ear right as he reached climax himself. And as soon as it had left his lips, his eyes flew open and without another word or kiss he'd rolled off of her because he knew what he'd done.

Juliet's face was just frozen in place, lying there for a second, wondering how she should react to what had just happened.

She was not going to cry. No way is she going to cry, not here, not now in front of him. So she ripped at the thin white sheet and gripped it to her bare chest, wrapped it around herself rather quickly. Climbing out of the bed they'd shared every night for almost a week now, as gracefully as the situation would allow it.

Holding onto the sheet to not lose the last shred of dignity she had left as she searched around the bedroom floor for her belongings. Her clothes and shoes to be exact.

Sawyer sat up and watched her, the blanket pulled up to cover him from the waist down, running his hand through his long hair. Speechless. He knew he really fucked up.

What do you say in a moment like this, when you can't find the words to tell it like it is?

He watched her leave his bedroom with her belongings in hand as if the room was on fire, then heard the bathroom door being slammed shut angrily further down the hall.

He got out of bed now too, pulled on his boxers and jeans quickly and followed her out of the room, stopping right outside the bathroom door.

The door was locked so he knocked. "Juliet." He said, trying to get her attention. Still not sure where he was really going with this, what could he possibly say to fix this.

Since they were left behind and started skipping through time and ended up here, they'd been strangely honest with each other. A concept that Sawyer was completely unfamiliar with. Telling the truth, that was virgin territory for a natural born conman like himself.

But she'd told him how she'd come to know about the man he'd killed in Australia. She'd told him that she knew everything there was to know about him before the plane crash ... she told him that she'd read it all in his file. So he knew there was no point in denying anything to this woman ... she knew more about him than anyone else, with the exception of John Locke. There was just no point in lying.

He knocked again, "Come on Juliet, open up."

There was nothing, no sign of life, coming from the other side of that door.

He sighed, trying to think of what to say. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ..."

The bathroom door flew open, interrupting him before he could finish his sentence, "You didn't mean to what, James? You didn't mean for me to know that you were thinking of her when you had sex with me. How could I have been so stupid?"

He was taken aback by this, he'd never seen her actually getting loud and angry about anything. Juliet didn't yell and scream; even when she was mad she remained composed somehow. This was new.

"It ain't like that." Grasping at straws now ... and lies again, because it was exactly like that.

She buttoned up the last button on her shirt, not even looking up at him. "Look, people are starting to talk. I know they've seen me leave here early in the morning, before work, and I just want to get our story straight, be clear about what we're saying."

Defensively he said, "I haven't said anything, because ... because to be honest, I don't know what we're doing." That wasn't a lie, that was the truth.

She sighed and finally looked up at him, "I don't know either." Her voice was near the breaking point. He could see that she was trying to hold it together, but it was getting increasingly harder for her with every passing second.

Sawyer was just about to speak, but she beat him to it, "I know you still love her. I knew that when we kissed last week, and I knew that when I came here every night since that kiss. But ... but I thought ..." She looked away, sobbing now as she covered her face with her hands.

He wrapped his arms around her gently, pulling her close and she let him.

Damn it, she fucking loves me!

And right in that moment, he knew he felt something for her too, because it was more than just compassion that made him pull her into his arms. He'd come to care a lot for Juliet. He'd known that for a while now. It wasn't anywhere near what he'd felt for Kate. But maybe it could be one day, if he'd give them a chance. Clearly Juliet had been willing to give it a go.

"I ain't gonna stand here and lie and say that you got it all wrong, but ... she ain't here now, is she?"

There was no answer from Juliet, but she did pull away from his embrace to look up at him.

"I can't change how I feel about her, trust me, I'd so much rather just be over her ... you know, move on ... what's done is done. But at the same time I want you to know that I do care about you. And that's the god damn truth, you know it is. So yeah, I don't know what this is. I don't know what the hell we are to each other. But I do know that I don't want you to leave. I'm so tired of being alone." He sighed, "Aren't you tired of being alone?"

Her eyes glazed over with tears as she nodded. She knew she'd again fallen for someone who, just like Jack, was in love with Kate.

There were so many things running through her mind. Things she wanted to yell and scream at him. Like how he'd only known Kate for only three months, yet they'd spend the last seven months together. And how Kate couldn't make up her mind, yet she had had his back from the moment they found themselves left behind at the beach. And all the other things she knew about the brunette from reading her file.

But she didn't say any of those things out loud, because she knew it was pointless to point out Kate's flaws to him, because he loved her still ... seven months later and he still loved and missed her.

And Juliet also knew that sometimes the heart is stronger than any logical thinking. After all, she'd spend almost three years with Goodwin, and she'd really loved him too ... but then she'd spend just a few weeks with Jack and had found herself head over heels for the handsome doctor from Los Angeles. Logic would tell you it didn't quite make sense that she'd feel that way about Jack, after all the time she'd spend with Goodwin ... but that was just it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

And she'd be a hypocrite if she said she never spend any time thinking of him ... thinking of Jack. In another life they would've been perfect for each other. But it wasn't meant to be and he wasn't here anymore ... and neither was Kate ... and yes, she was tired of being alone too.

"So what now?" Juliet asked, clearly unsure of how to act, what to do.

He looked at her. She looked so hurt, so fragile, and he felt like he'd done that to her. So he said the only thing he could think of.

"Stay!"

Dharmaville, July 1977

Sawyer stood in the kitchen, casually leaning back against the kitchen counter, dishtowel in hand waiting for Juliet to hand him another dish to dry off.

When she handed him a plate, their eyes met again and a goofy smile appeared on his face strangely similar to the one on her face.

He was so proud of her for what she'd done today. She'd overcome her own fear, and had saved two lives in the process. Not only had she saved Amy, who'd become a good friend to them over the last three years, but she'd also saved the life of that little baby boy. Two innocent people would be dead if it wasn't for her.

"So, was Horace upset that he missed the birth?" Her voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Think he was too hung over to really be upset. I guess he was more disappointed for missing it then anything else."

Juliet handed him another plate and he took it as if on autopilot.

"Did he tell you why he got drunk?"

"What?" He suddenly felt cornered. His heartbeat went up a notch or two.

Juliet stopped fussing with the dishes to turn towards him, her voice calm and placid like always, "I said did Horace tell you why he got drunk?"

Sawyer averted his eyes, turning his back towards Juliet as he stacked the dried off plate on top of the other one, "Naw, he didn't say." Damn it, he didn't wanna have to lie to her, but he really didn't want to rehash this with her right now. Because if he told her about his conversation with Horace, it would open up a whole other can of worms.

He quickly turned back around, looked her straight in the eyes, "Amy had mentioned somethin' 'bout a fight right before she went into labor. When I asked what about, she just said it was personal."

He reached past Juliet into the sink and pulled the next thing out to dry off, "You want me to take over?" He nodded towards the bubbly water in the sink.

Juliet sighed, then gave him her standard smile and turned back towards the sink, "No, I got it."

He watched her rather suspiciously out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he had become so transparent to her, that she could sense a lie coming on, before he'd even voiced it.

There was an awkward silence for a minute, and then Sawyer said, "Well, dinner was really great tonight, baby. You went all out, didn't ya'?"

Juliet ran the sponge over the fork in her hand, then dipped it back into the water one more time. "Yeah, I felt like celebrating." She said smiling again, when she handed him the fork.

"You should be celebrating, you did great Juliet." He smiled at her again, the dimples digging into his cheeks. She returned the smile with one of her own, clearly happy again in that moment.

Then they finished the remaining dishes in silence.

Sawyer opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, popping the can open before the fridge door had even closed behind him. He took a quick swig before some of it came bubbling out, as he walked the short distance to his favorite chair right by the window in the living room.

He crossed his legs by his ankles on the coffee table, sat the beer down next to him, positioned his glasses on his nose just right and opened his book that had been sitting there waiting for him since the night before.

Juliet poured herself another glass of wine and walked over to him, sitting down on the couch opening her own book.

This was their life together. Normalcy in the most mundane way possible. The biggest excitement would be someone else's fight, like Horace and Amy's. Because that didn't happen here, in their house. Here they only had domestic bliss. There were no heated arguments. No passionate outbursts. But there was also no passionate making up either.

After a few minutes Juliet put the book down in her lap, the page still open and looked over at Sawyer.

He tried to pretend he didn't noticed her stare, but could only manage to do so for about a minute. Then he lowered his book too, looked up at her, "What's up?" He asked with a somewhat concerned tone to his voice.

She sighed, still with a happy smile on her face, "It's just ... I still can't believe Amy and the baby are alive and well." She picked up her wine glass from the coffee table and took a sip, as she pulled her legs up onto the sofa. Clearly not interested in reading, she wanted to talk.

He dropped his book in his lap, still holding onto it with one hand to keep his page, reaching for the beer with his other hand. "Well, you said so yourself that it seemed like things were different here, when she'd made it all the way to the end of her pregnancy. So whatever kills the mama's-to-be hasn't happened yet." He took a hearty sip from the cold can.

She stared at him in a mischievous kind of way, the corner of her lips pulled up just enough that it could've passed for a smile.

Sawyer lowered the can from his lips, his eyebrows raised looking right back at her, "What?"

She knew she was treading on thin ice with this, knowing what she'd read in his file all those years ago. She knew how he'd abandoned his own daughter. But Juliet wanted to believe desperately that he wasn't that same man anymore.

So she took a chance. Her heart was racing in her chest, but from her calm exterior Sawyer would've never known that that was the case, when she asked him still smiling, "I was thinking, what if we had a baby?"

"Come again?" He must have misunderstood her; no way did she just say what he thinks she said.

She sat upright quickly, put her wineglass on the table again, leaning closer to him now, even though they were sitting on two different pieces of furniture, "I said, what if we had a baby?"

To say that he was completely surprised by this would be an understatement; he was shocked because he hadn't seen this coming at all. And for the first time in a long time he really didn't know what to say to her.

What the hell do you say to something like this? He loves her, he truly does, but this life they are living here is just a game. Trying to fit in, pretending and lying about who they really are, nothing but a con ... no place to bring a child into. He thought that they were happy, just the way they are.

He sat the beer back down quickly and pulled his glasses off his face. Leaning forward like her, he rested his elbows on his knees, "Sweetheart, we're in 1977." His voice firm and matter of fact.

"I know that James."

"Well, ..." He sighed, clearly trying to buy time, wondering what he could say next.

She spoke up before he could come up with anything to say. "James." She sounded like she was trying to plead with him, "Three years ago Daniel said that whenever we are now, we're here for good."

Sawyer quickly came to his senses. He didn't want to have a kid, he knew that, but his feelings were beside the point. There were other things to consider here, "I know what he said, but you do realize that out there in the real world is a little mini-you and a mini-me walking around, and your kid would be just a couple years younger than yourself ... You really gonna tell me that you don't see anything wrong with that notion Juliet?"

But Sawyer wasn't done just yet, "And what if something happens again. I mean they are building the damn orchid station right now. Danny-boy said that's where it all started. So what if something happens and somehow we jump through time again because we don't really belong here? What if that happens and your kid doesn't skip through time with us?"

Juliet sat there now, no longer smiling, her hands folded in her lap with her eyes glued to her own fingers intertwining. She had heard everything he'd just said, and it all made sense somehow ... he was right. But those two words kept on echoing in her head ...your kid ... not our kid. That's what had stuck out the most to her. He was so happy that Amy and the baby were okay, and somehow she'd misunderstood that happiness for something else. Somehow she thought he would want to have a family with her. How could she have been so wrong?

Sensing her sudden sadness, he got up from his chair and sat down on the couch beside her, a comforting arm around her shoulder now, "Juliet, the time has got to be right, and it ain't right right now." He paused for a moment and sighed before he added, "And besides, what would we do with a baby?"

She should have known he'd react like this. She should've seen it coming. Her eyes finally looked back up at him, nodding, "You're right. I wasn't thinking."

He reached for her hand, "Come on, Blondie, let's go to bed. It's been a long day." He said smiling his most pleasant smile at her, as he pulled her up to a stand.

She faked a smile and nodded politely when she realized that going to bed was his way of putting an end to this conversation. But what she wanted to say was that time might not be right, but time was running out for her to be a mother. She's 37 years old; she didn't have the time to wait until time is right. She was a fertility doctor after all. She knew how with every passing year her chances to conceive were slimming down.

But she quickly got her emotions back in check. If he felt like this, it could never work anyways.

Sawyer took his book and glasses with him to the bedroom, placing them on the nightstand by his side of the bed, just in case he couldn't sleep again.

Juliet got undressed and under the covers, while he kept his boxers and undershirt on when he got in.

As he leaned onto his side to turn off the lamp on his nightstand, she hugged him from behind, placing a few random kisses on his shoulder in the process.

"I'm sorry James." She wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for, but she didn't want to fight. She wanted to go back to the way they were when he first got home with that flower for her. She wanted to see that happy smile on his face. She wanted him to kiss her and make her forget their whole conversation.

"I'm sorry too." He said as he laid his head down onto his pillow.

When Sawyer closed his eyes Juliet began to snuggle into him and then started to kiss his neck.

"You need to shave." She mumbled under her breath in between kisses. Then her hand slithering underneath the blanket, reaching for the waistband of his boxers when Sawyer grabbed her hand and stopped her.

He turned his head to look at her in the dark room, "Phil woke me up at 3 am to get Horace out of that field. Don't be mad Sweetheart, but I'm really beat."

"Oh." Juliet almost stuttered, "Of course. I forgot you got up that early."

He kissed her softly on the lips.

"I love you James."

"Love you too. Night.", then he turned around to face the wall.

Juliet slung her arms around him, spooning him.

She couldn't help the feelings and thoughts that were creeping inside her head.

Was he acting this way because I wanted to have a baby?

And it was out of her hands where her mind was automatically going. She couldn't help but wonder how he would've reacted if it was Kate and not her.

Would he have wanted to have that baby with Kate if she hadn't lost it? Or would he have been the same way with her?

And what if time was never going to be right? What if they are stuck here forever, like Daniel seems to think we were, what then? After working with pregnant women for most of her life, and after all the babies she'd delivered in her real life off the island. After all of that, would she never be able to experience having a baby of her own? Would she never feel life growing inside of her? Was this here and now with him as good as it was ever going to get?

Sawyer felt her hot breaths seep through his undershirt on his back. He felt bad for turning her down like this, but he also knew it wouldn't be right. Not tonight. Not with Kate on his mind.

Having that talk with Horace brought it all back to him. Yeah, before today he'd have dreams about her, and images of her would come up in his mind every now and then when he'd talk to Jin about which grid to search next. But that had always been as far as he'd allow thoughts of her in his mind. He always just opted to ignore them and move on about his day. But tonight was different.

Horace had unbeknownst to him awaken something in Sawyer with his statement and question. 'It's only been three years Jim. Is that really long enough to get over someone?' Fuck, had it really been three damn years already?

He truly wished what he'd said to Horace was the truth. He wished three years was long enough. He wished he could let her go, once and for all and move on with Juliet. After all this time Juliet deserved that, she deserved better than being his second choice.

He wished he simple couldn't remember what she looked liked or felt liked or how she smelled. He wished he didn't remember her laugh, and that smile or how she tasted. He didn't want to dream of her and remember the feel of her skin on his, her kisses, her moans and that look of complete surrender in her eyes when they made love.

And to make matters worse, he knew that she'd loved him too. Despite all the running after the damn Doc, he knew she loved him ... she was the only person that had cared enough to give him a chance, time and again no matter how many times he'd tried to push her and everyone else away. She somehow always ended up by his side again. Sitting by his tent, taking care of him when he was injured ... and even after that fight about the baby, she somehow had still ended up right there next to him in that chopper, and he could just see how happy she was to get off the island, right until the moment when he jumped.

Sawyer sighed deeply and clutched Juliet's hand that was casually resting on his chest. The hand of the woman who'd had his back for the past three years, were as he'd known Kate for only three months back then. And once again he wished he could just forget all about Kate. He wished for that because maybe then his heart would stop aching every damn time Jin said that he'd found nothing and no one again.

And then Sawyer closed his eyes and for the first time in a very long time he actually prayed. Something he had done last time with his mother, when she put him to bed on the night that she died, before she came running back in and told him to hide. He hadn't prayed since, hadn't believed in it all anymore.

But now he clutched Juliet's hands to his heart and prayed that he'd somehow be able to let go of Kate. He prayed to god to let him let go of her so that he could truly and fully give his heart to Juliet, so that he could stop lying to himself and to her.

But then his heart pulled a cruel joke on him when it convinced him to rephrase that prayer in his head. A little voice inside his head kept telling him 'You don't really mean that ... take it back!' Nagging him, leaving him restless ... would he ever be able to fall asleep tonight?

So he rephrased that worthless prayer ... it wasn't going to work anyway, when had god ever helped him with anything ... but still, he rephrased it when he quickly added ...

... 'Let me let go and forget all about her or bring her back to me already!'

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><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

Thanks for reading and please leave a review if you have a minute to spare. Thank you!


	38. Chapter 38 You smell like sex!

**Author's Notes:**

I think the title of this chapter pretty much says it all. I rewrote this time and again, and I'm really sorry if this chapter isn't really moving the story along but I felt the need to give them one more steamy night together at their beach. So, I hope you enjoy it, even if it is basically just good old smut.

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><p>Sawyer woke up with a start but sighed in relief when he realized that he was still in his tent on their beach and Kate was still safe and sound in his arms.<p>

It was still dark and he found himself trying to remember what the last thing was that they'd talked about before they both had drifted off to sleep, it might've been Clem and Aaron but he wasn't entirely sure. But he did remember the night ended on a good note before they both couldn't keep their eyes open any longer.

And even though it wasn't morning just yet and they'd stayed up late talking and the floor of this tent wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep anymore, he had to admit that he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept this good.

After blinking a few times Sawyer's eyes had adjusted again to the darkness surrounding him. His gaze traveled along Kate's sleeping form beside him. From her long scrawny bare feet to her jean clad legs that were intertwined with his, over the shapely round of her behind and the round of her breasts that were pressed against him.

At first he tried not to move too much, 'cause he didn't want to wake her up just yet, so he had to strain his neck to get a good look at her face. She looked so peaceful sleeping ... she didn't always look that way when she slept, but he was glad that she did right now. Apparently she had no nightmares tonight which somewhat surprised him considering everything they'd discussed earlier that night. He'd almost anticipated for her to have nightmares after talking about Wayne, but he was grateful that she seemed to be sleeping as peaceful as he'd been.

Even in the darkness he could see that her cheeks were a little flushed from the heat and her forehead glistened with perspiration, but he'd be damned if she wasn't the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

So he just lay there, holding her and watching her sleep. Her chest was rising and falling steadily against him with every breath that she took. He slowly moved just a little onto his side so that he could face her, just watching her in silence. Taking in the beautiful sight of her until ... until he just couldn't hold back anymore. Wishing she would just wake up.

His hand which had been casually resting on her hip was now traveling upwards. He slowly followed the seductive slope of her waist and then sensually caressed the swell of her breasts while he whispered to her, "Freckles? ... You awake?"

His hand kept on moving, caressing her shoulder first, and then cupping her cheek before he leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. Those lips that seemed to pull him towards her like a magnet every time he looked at them.

Kate stirred in her sleep but didn't open her eyes yet when Sawyer began kissing a trail down her jaw-line. He went on to let his tongue and kisses linger in the crook of her neck. Sucking skillfully where her heartbeat was pulsating underneath her delicate skin when she suddenly let out a soft moan that couldn't be missed.

A smirk spread over his face now because that moan was his cue to move back up to her lips now, so he did just that. And when she parted her lips and kissed him back this time he couldn't suppress the animalistic groan that escaped his throat in the process.

Kate pressed her lips to his with so much passion behind it. He loved how within seconds she could go from looking like a shy freckled-faced girl-next-door, flushed cheeks and innocent batting of her eyelashes to this ... this firecracker that he'd come to know and love. Her kiss and hands demanding, pulling him closer to her with all her strength.

Yeah, shy went out the window and sparks started flying when Kate got turned on.

She only got like this when they were alone, just the two of them. She'd never show that side of her around other people. This side of her that she didn't acknowledge into existence, like it was a dirty little secret that a woman could enjoy sex just as much as a man would.

Sawyer relished in the fact that he could bring that side out in her ... make the prim and proper Sunday school girl disappear and bring the naughty girl out to play. It gave him a high knowing she let him in on her 'dirty little secret'.

How her tongue danced with his, so hungry for more and he was more than willing to give her more. Hell, she can have it all if all is what she wants. So as it was to be expected hands started roaming and tucking on clothing in an almost frenzied manner.

And somewhere between his shirt hitting the ground next to her and her bra flying across the tent they both had to chuckle in between kisses, because stripping each other like this in his tent brought back memories. Warm and fuzzy memories, when the world was still alright ... for the most part.

After all the sex they'd had by now it was still strangely exciting every time ... almost as exciting as the first time when they'd made love, but only almost. Nothing could ever top their first time in the cage, not because of the act itself or the strange location, but because it was when they both finally acknowledged their deep feelings for one another. That night in the cage had meant everything to them, especially since they didn't know what the next day would bring and if they'd live to spend another moment in each other's arms.

While fiddling with the button and zipper of her jeans, Sawyer kissed down a trail from her nipple to her bellybutton. The zipper went down, and Kate arched her back and lifted her butt of the ground just enough to assist him in getting the denims down and past her hips.

He growled again and the sound made Kate chuckle as he yanked the jeans off of her legs and past her feet. Grabbing her ankle, lifting it, he began to kiss her again, but this time he started from the inside of her right knee working his way up the inside of her thigh.

The giggles stopped immediately as Kate lay back down in a surrendering notion and closed her eyes, letting the feel of his lips and his tongue on her skin do wonderful things to her. Even the scratching sensation of his stubble was anything but scratchy. Instead the sensation send shivers down her spine ... and right back up.

The way he eased his tongue over her skin, not really licking but barely touching, giving her goosebumps along the way. She felt her cheeks flush with heat again along with the rest of her body. Every kiss he'd placed left her with a tingling sensation that was beginning to drive her crazy. She didn't know how much more she could take of this kind of teasing.

But when his mouth was just about where she wanted him the most, something in her stirred and left her restless. Sawyer had managed to fill her with so much desire right now, the need for him was overwhelming and she wanted more than just that now.

She knew his lips were on their way but he'd already pushed her too far that just his lips wouldn't do anymore, so she braced herself on her elbows to look at him. His face so relaxed and he had his eyes closed as he kissed and caressed the inside of her thigh. He looked as if he enjoyed it just as much as she did, if that was even possible.

No longer able to hold back Kate sat up and startled him out of the trance he was in when she reached for him. Tugging and pulling on his upper arms. She needed things to move along ... she needed more. So she pulled him up on top of her with strength she didn't even know she had and framed his face to kiss him again. At first he was surprised at that but then let her tongue ease between their parted lips to play with his. The kiss seemed to go on forever, and was equally intoxicating as all the kisses before that.

God, the man knew how to kiss a woman right. Where did he learn how to kiss like that?

An involuntary mental image of a small town carnival popped into Kate's mind. With a kissing booth, but instead of a perky little blond there was broad-framed Sawyer sitting there with his trademark bad boy grin and dimples on display. And the big handwritten sign didn't read 'Kisses $1', no this one read 'Kisses $100' and there was a endless line of eagerly waiting women with wads of cash in hand.

Kate opened her eyes to shake the image, broke away from the kiss and stared up at him. He was surprised by her withdrawal and opened his eyes too, asking somewhat confused, "What's wrong, hon'?"

Uhhhhhhh, this could probably go bad but I just have to ask.

"Where did you learn how to kiss like that?"

He braced himself on his elbows to take some of the weight off of her while he hovering above her, his eyebrows raised with a clearly amused look on his face when he asked back, "What?" He'd been under the assumption that the Q & A session was over for the night.

Her hands flat on his chest as if she was trying to keep him from crashing back down on her, "You heard me. The way you kiss me. Where ..."

Sawyer cut her off as he forcefully pressed his lips to hers again, and she was helpless against the urge to let his tongue slip into her mouth. It was like the moment his lips touched hers, her mouth parted involuntarily. Just like her legs seemed to part involuntarily when his knees just nudged them gently into doing so. She couldn't help herself, he just had that power over her.

But then he broke off the kiss and stared back at her, and from the laugh lines crowning the side of his eyes and the wide bad-boyish grin on display, she could see that he was clearly amused when he said, "You talkin' 'bout that kiss?"

God, he knew exactly what he was doing to her, getting her all flustered and ... and why the hell wasn't he naked yet?

She could feel her cheek flush with heat all over again, good thing it was still dark out. She tried to answer him, failed and just nodded instead.

He actually chuckled out loud not even trying to hide his amusement from her, then bend down to kiss her again. A breathtaking, mind-blowing, put his whole soul behind it kind of kiss, then pulled back after several moments and said huskily, "Only you can bring that kind of kiss out of me, Lollipop."

Good answer, Kate thought to herself as she tried to normalize her breathing again. Even though it was probably a big fat lie, but she appreciated the effort. And as his head dipped further down her body and he let his skillful tongue trace the outline of her nipple again teasingly, she really didn't care anymore where he'd learned any of it, as long as he'd only kiss her like that from here on out.

He came back up and found her lips once again, grinding his pelvis into her in the process. The fabric of his jeans was rough as he knowingly rubbed it against her sensitive flesh. It sent shivers down her spine once more. The sensation almost too much. He was trying to drive her insane and she really had no control over the moan that escaped her lips despite his lips covering hers.

She just wanted more ... more, more, and right now. With the growing need for more, Kate tried to reach between them to undo his belt but to no avail. He wasn't even trying to help her by easing his weight off of her anymore. He seemed in no rush at all, while she was burning up inside from the need to have him.

Oh she knew exactly what he was trying to do here ... he'd done it time and again to her at home. Prolonging the process, prolonging the pleasure ... but she didn't want to prolong anything anymore, she just wanted him already.

So she broke off the kiss and pushed him up. He wasn't complying at first, mumbling a few protest while trying to keep her pinned down to keep kissing her. But eventually he let up, while Kate still pushed and shoved. With the same strength she'd used to pull him down she'd now forced him to sit back on his haunches between her naked parted legs. Thank god it was still dark out, she thought again.

Then she sat up too, her attention and her eyes focused on the big bulge underneath the denim and she quickly began undoing his belt buckle. Sawyers gaze followed her hands and he just watched her slender little fingers work that belt open. A chuckle escaped his lips again, "You in a hurry, Sweetheart?"

"Maybe I am." She mumbled back against his lips when she kissed him again while she started undoing the buttons on his fly rather quickly too.

"Wouldn't wanna get in the way of a woman on a mission." came his husky response as he then wordlessly got up on his knees so that Kate could push the jeans past his hips now. Exposing his dark blue boxers that were sitting dangerously low on him, the bulge even more noticeably now as his dick lifted without the restriction of the denims.

Time suddenly stopped and so did Kate. Now it was her turn to let her eyes wander over him. Starting at his glistening shoulders, then down to his biceps, over his muscular chest, his ripped abs which seemed more evident now after he worked on that raft all week. Then her eyes stop at the bulge that seemed to have her mesmerized. Her hands stilled as if they were glued to the waistband of his boxers.

His own hands trembled by his side and it took all the self control he had to not grab her with those trembling hands and push her back down onto the sand to devour her. He wanted her badly ... even more so now with her looking at him like that.

But Sawyer for once didn't say anything at the sudden change in her pace when she didn't jump him but instead reached out and let her hands slowly and seductively travel down the path her eyes had just traveled.

Her fingers started at his shoulders, caressing them downward to his bulky arms. Goosebumps formed on him now everywhere her fingers touched. She moved equally slowly over his Pecs, surprised him when she leaned in to tease his nipples with her tongue by tracing an invisible 'O' around them. And it was him who let out a moan in response now.

Then her fingers gently followed every single indentation of his six-pack and traced the outline of the 'V' that disappeared into his boxers, but she stilled right where her fingers met the fabric.

For once Sawyer was the one that seemed at the mercy of her touch, enjoying her hands on him instead of the other way around. And he had to admit that it had been a while since she'd done that with such detail as she did right now.

He'd kept his eyes on her eyes the entire time, watching her expression when she touched him and he liked what he saw reflecting back at him in her eyes and what he felt due to her touch.

Then without a warning Kate leaned into him again, her fingers raking through his long hair and began to trace kisses down his neck and chest. Making him grunt as he wrapped his arms around her, cupping her ass, one big hand on each cheek to pull her even closer, he wanted her skin on his.

But she pressed back, away from him, but before he even had a chance to protest he quickly came to realize why she was leaving a gap between their bodies when both her hands slipped down into his boxers and she began stroking him.

She looked down and even in the darkness she could see her hand encircling his thick shaft. Her fingers not long enough to reach all the way around him. The pre-come easing the up and down motion for her while Sawyer suddenly held perfectly still for her as his head dipped back and he closed his eyes.

She wondered in amusement for a moment if this is the only way to shut him up and keep him from moving, but that thought was interrupted quickly when he couldn't hold back anymore either. His head snapped back in place and his hands flew up so quickly it made her flinch before he framed her face and pulled her lips to his. Devouring her mouth with his, groaning and gasping while she kept stroking him.

She had to admit that she loved how he reacted to her touch; it was a huge turn on to know he enjoyed it which made her enjoy doing it to him. Maybe the whole foreplay thing that Sawyer was an expert in wasn't so bad after all. Being the seducer instead of being seduced somehow made her feel powerful ... but as always, Sawyer couldn't just leave things be. If there's always been a place where he had control over her, it was the bedroom ... or in this case his tent.

His hands left her face. Grunting he grabbed her hips a little roughly and pulled her naked form to him. Leaving no more room for her to continue with her teasing, so Kate's hands left his throbbing erection rather involuntary. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, clinging to him, eager to feel him. Eager for what she hoped was coming next.

He let go of her hips, wrapped one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place when he got back up on his knees, working his free hand to push his boxers down. He lowered back on his haunches, his hands clutched her hips again quickly now and before she even knew what happened he was sliding her slowly up and down against the full length of him. The wetness from her covering him now and making the movement even more sensitive as they both moaned at the close contact.

But it just wasn't close enough yet, at least that's what Kate thought when she practically moaned into his ear, "James please." Her words so full of desire and need, she almost didn't recognize her own voice.

The pleading sound in her voice had his heart pumping even faster. He knew exactly what she was pleading for but just doing as she asked ... Now where would be the fun in that? So when her hot and wet folds reached the broad head of his shaft he gave it a slight trust of his hip, but didn't enter her, just slid her trembling body along the full length down again and asked her, "Please what, Lollipop?"

Her nails dug into his shoulders, probably drawing blood. Was she trying to punish him back?

"You know what." Came her breathless reply as she clenched her thighs and tried to get control over her own movement, but Sawyers big hands had a strong hold on her hips, leaving her completely at his mercy.

He knew he was torturing her and himself with this, and he also knew that he probably couldn't hold back much longer himself. But he also knew that this was probably the last time. The last time in his tent. Hell, maybe even the last time altogether.

For all he knew someone could show up here any minute, hauling them both back to Dharmaville to put her on that god damn sub and out of his life ... maybe even forever. So yeah, he was teasing her, he was trying to stall, he was trying to make this last since he hadn't even tried earlier out there by the campfire. It had been rushed, great but rushed none the less and he didn't want to rush things now. He wanted to savor it, draw it out.

His voice was husky and horse when he whispered in her ear, "I wanna hear you say it, Freckles." He knew he was pushing her limits with this. Kate barely ever voiced her wants when it came to sex.

There was silence as he continued to move her up and down again, and her nails in his back and shoulders seemed to be digging even deeper now. But she remained quiet, burying her head into the crook of his neck, biting her bottom lip when he said, "Damn Freckles, you're so wet."

She hated to be this weak. She hated to be at his mercy. She hated how arrogant he could be when it came to sex.

Another excruciatingly slow down and up movement, then he turned the heat up a notch when he just rubbed her against his pulsating broad head instead. Slowly with controlled rhythm to it, gasping himself at the feel of it.

Damn it Freckles, say it already.

She was shivering. Literally shivering from pleasure under the tight grasp of his fingers digging into her hips. Sawyer was near the brink of just giving into her already, even if she didn't answer him ... ever.

But just then she moved. Her lips kissing his neck again, her tongue moving over his stubble again like it was something worth tasting. And maybe it was, he thought, when she moaned again as if she liked what she tasted, but who knows, it could've been his member pulsating right between her thighs too that caused the moan. He wasn't about to elaborate on what caused it.

Then her tongue swiped across his ear, making him shiver for a brief second, before she whispered, "I want you, James. All of you."

He swallowed hard. It wasn't what he had hoped to hear. He'd hoped to get a bit more detail ... more of the naughty-girl in her response, but hell, that was the last straw for him ... he couldn't have held back any longer anyhow.

His voice was hoarse with desire surging through his veins, "I want you too." As if his cock throbbing hot between them wasn't evidence of that enough.

He wrapped his right arm around her waist one last time, pulling her up and Kate had to gasp again at the feel of it. She'd never ever in a million years admit this out loud, but it did do something to her when he manhandled her like this. But only him, no other man ever got her turned on by overpowering her physically. Her arms wrapped around his neck while he held her still, his left hand somewhere between them aligning himself against her opening, before he lowered her down slowly.

His hands let go and she lowered onto him, both gasping and moaning as their bodies joined slowly but completely. He filled her all the way, as they grinded against one another slow and easy.

Her thighs spread as far as they'd go, her legs around him, her arms around his neck, the side of her face against his unshaven cheek. One hand on each butt-cheek, grabbing her hard and needy, holding on tight as he's setting the pace for her while she grinded against him. It was good, but it wasn't quite enough.

His hands moved over, away from her ass and he grabbed her hips again. His strong fingers digging into her flesh as he moved her hips up and down on him. All the way up ... far enough that he almost slipped out of her, but then he pushed her down again. All the way until her body touched his again.

The sensation was too much that Kate thought she might pass out from the pleasure. Her voice startled him because he hadn't expected her to talk at all, "I don't think I'll survive this pace."

His voice against her ear, sending more shivers down her spine, "But I like slow. Slow and tight, feeling every sweet muscle in that body of yours gripping me. You ain't got a clue how good you make me feel, Freckles."

She shivered at his words, fighting the urge to argue with that statement. He was in control here, controlling her in every sense of the way. Her body completely surrendering to his touch, she only had words to fight with, so she did, "Not this slow."

He startled her out of that thought, "Look at me."

She lifted her head and opened her eyes, looking right at him as he moved her up and down again. "I want to make you feel good, Freckles. I want to do that slowly and I want you to look at me when I do that. I want to remember this image for later when we can't be together like this."

She hadn't expected that. Her chin began to quiver and he thought she might start crying again, but she didn't. Instead she just nodded, leaned forward and kissed him. Her lips so soft on his ... and it just struck him then, like he hadn't noticed before, just how fragile she is when it comes to love.

He kissed her back, equally soft, regretting every bad decision he'd ever made, regretting not being the man she needs him to be, regretting so much and pouring all of that regret into that kiss, hoping that through the caresses of his lips and tongue he could somehow get the message across.

They made love like this, until both of them reached their limit.

Sawyer was holding back best he could, waiting rather patiently for her to get there. When her moans increased and her nails dug deeper into him again, he knew she was close.

And then it happened, he could feel her tighten and spasm around him, one arm firmly around her again, getting up on his knees, he pushed into her as deep as he could while he lowered her down to the ground in front of him. Spread out in front of him on the ground with nothing but the moonlight shinning through the airplane window, she suddenly reminds him of an angel with a halo of hair. God, will he ever stop feeling this much for her. Will he ever stop loving her like he does?

Lips are finding each other as he lowers himself on top of her now. Pulling her thighs up to the left and right of him, giving him more moving range as his hips began to trust into her.

Both their breathing ragged, completely losing control, forgetting where they were when they both moaned loudly as they reached climax together. Kates hips bucking and shuddering underneath him while she feels him finally stilling his hips, yet pumping and pulsing deep inside of her. It feels like her insides are on fire - in a good way - every movement intensified and she feels the quick and sudden rise of a second orgasm when his own release finally spills inside of her.

And the world stood still for a brief moment, when he slummed down onto her. Too physically exhausted, his arms shaky and weak and he can't hold himself above her anymore.

She loves it, welcomed his full weight on her while he's still deep inside of her. It's familiar; it's what he does ever since they got off the island. The first time was right before he'd asked her to marry him ... and ever since then he sometimes liked to linger for a little while ... and she liked that he did that. She loved it actually. Loved that he wanted to be that close to her, even after the sexual need had been filled and sated.

Her arms and legs still wrapped around him, she kissed his shoulder that was glistening with sweat. Treasuring the salty taste of his skin on her lips and tongue, while the aftershocks of her orgasm still send shivers throughout her body. Who knows how many more times she'd get to feel him like this or taste his skin like that? Her heart clenched in her chest. Wondering how she'd survive leaving him again, after all this, after everything that happened.

Is she doomed - like her mother - to be in constant pain for loving the wrong man? Yeah, Sawyer had never hurt her physically, but right now with him still inside of her it sure felt like he had. Because the pain she felt at the mere thought of losing him again was so real, it felt every bit as real as the black eyes, busted lips and broken bones her mother had endured by loving the wrong man.

An involuntary tear rolled down her cheek. His lips kissing the crook of her neck, stirring and she sees him brace himself on his hand to push up and off of her. But she stops him, pulling him back down and into her, "No, don't leave me yet." Her voice strained.

Lifting his head enough to get a look at her, "Ain't I getting too heavy for you?"

She tugs at him again, both her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. "I like you right here with me."

After seeing that look in her eyes and the red rims from crying, he was just speechless. He couldn't even think of anything to say after that. Those simple words affected him more then he'd like to admit, mainly because he doesn't want to leave her or her body just yet either.

Being with her, being inside of her feels like being home. As fucking corny as that may sound, but it was true. Freckles was the only real home he'd ever known, she was it. She was the one.

So he remained still, on top of her. His left hand gently pushing the sweat-damped hair out of her face, getting a hold of her chin to keep her in place for a kiss.

A gentle kiss. A loving kiss. His soft lips brushing over her soft lips, it was just supposed to be like that. But the kiss slowly but surely intensified, turning into something else again and before they both know what happened, his hips are moving again.

First slowly but then picking up some speed, keeping a nice and steady pace as he growls into her ear, "See what you're doing to me? I just can't ever get enough of ya'!"

Her response just about knocks him dead. A strong thrust of her hips from beneath him and her whispered declaration in his ear, "I can't get enough of you either, James."

Hell, if she wasn't his wife already, he'd marry her all over again ... right here right now, after that admission she'd just made. She'd been braver then she'd ever been tonight, with her words that is. Opening up to him about the past earlier last night and opening up to him right here and now, saying things, sexual things that the old Kate would maybe think of but never actually say out loud.

They made love again, and afterwards he turned them both over, leaving her on top of him, yet he was still inside of her. He reached for his shirt and draped it over the lower half of their intertwined bodies, apologizing to her that he didn't have a blanket to cover her with like he used to.

She rested her head on his sweat-damped skin and he kissed her forehead one last time before both of them drifted off to sleep again. Exhausted and happy.

A noise.

His eyes flew open because he just heard a noise. Sawyer remained completely still, trying to adjust his eyes to the sun that was shining in his eyes through the airplane window. He looked down, and there was Kate. Still on top of him, sleeping soundly and still sprawled across him, with his shirt covering her backside from the waist down. Her naked chest pressed to his torso and he could just feel the dampness of sweat that had formed between them, while he was still inside of her.

His head jerked up, because there it was again. That noise.

His eyes roamed the floor of the tent, looking for his gun. Hell, or her gun ... any gun would do, just in case. And as he flexed his abs to reach for her gun that lay in the sand next to them, she stirred in her sleep. He hadn't reached it yet.

She rubbed at her eyes and was just about to say something when Sawyer covered her mouth with one hand, his index finger from the other hand by his lips, signaling her to be quit and she immediately complied.

Removing his hand from her mouth, he quietly sat up while Kate still straddled him. They both looked out of the window but weren't able to see anything suspicious.

She was just about to pull herself off of him, when the noise came closer and within a matter of seconds the flap of his tent was pushed aside the same moment Sawyer reached for the gun and lifted it towards the makeshift door. Ready to fire at whoever was entering their tent unannounced.

Hurley instantly rose his hands up in a surrendering motion, "Dude, it's just me. Don't shoot."

Sawyer sighed in relief as he lowered the gun again, "Fuck Mongo, ever heard of knocking? You almost got your damn head blown off just now."

Hurley turned his face away from them now, facing the door, flustered himself at what he presumed he'd just walked in on and shielding the side of his face with his hand, "Yeah, I ... I guess you guys made up then."

With crimson red cheeks Kate tried to hide her face in the crook of Sawyers neck. She was just mortified, even though Sawyer had pressed her bare chest against his and had wrapped her into his arms to shield her. And even with her backside and Sawyers hips still covered by his shirt, she felt very much naked right now.

From the way they were positioned and with one of Sawyers legs still halfway in his jeans, it was clear as day what they had been doing.

Sensing her feelings he scolded Hurley again, his tone anything but amused at the way Hurley had just busted in on them. "Yeah, we made up. Now do you mind getting the hell out so the lady and I can get dressed, Jethro?"

"You've got it." And Hurley practically bolted out of the tent.

Kate raised her head and their eyes met. Her cheeks were still flushed when he said, "He didn't see anythin' sugar. Just your back, that's all." Trying his best to calm her nerves, 'cause he knew her well enough by now.

He lifted her off of him and they both got dressed rather quickly. She sat down again to pull her socks and boots on and he did the same, watching her. Then both of them began to pack their few belongings into their packs.

The sudden awkward silence that hung between them was eating away at him with every passing second. He didn't want that new found openness from the day before to end the moment they left this tent.

So when she got up, he got up too. Standing face to face, staring at each other, until he broke the gaze by pulling her into his arms again. His wide hand pressing her face against his shirt, just holding her and she let him.

After several moments, he finally let up and she backed away just enough to look up at him, smiled and said, "Ready to go?"

"Not really." He answered truthfully and their eyes locked again.

She could read the look in his eyes like an open book. He didn't want this to be over. He wanted a rerun ... go back in time and have last night happen all over again. Love her again, kiss her again, move inside of her again ... and again.

Kate leaned in, on her tiptoes, her hands grasping at the collar of his shirt to kiss him. And when she pulled away she smiled again all flustered, "You smell like sex!"

Sawyer chuckled at that, "Yeah, well, I ain't the only one Cupcake." His eyes scanning her suggestively, "Maybe we can wash up together when we get back to the barracks."

"Maybe." She said, her chin held high as if she wasn't that easily seduced by him, but that twinkle in her eyes told him that her 'maybe' was a definite 'Yes' with an exclamation point behind it.

She swung her back pack over her shoulder and so did he, and as she pushed the flap of the tent aside to step out, he followed right behind her. And he was already envisioning how he'd take her against the wall of his shower. And how afterwards they'd soak their sore muscles in his tub filled with hot bubbles up to their chins.

Yes, Sawyer definitely couldn't wait to get back to the barracks with her now.

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><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>

Thank you so much for still reading and keeping with my story. If you have any input, good or bad, please leave a review, I'd really appreciate it so much. Thank you!


	39. Chapter 39 If you can't be with the one

**Author's Notes:**

Hi everyone. I'm sorry it took me so long this time to get this chapter posted. This was supposed to be the last chapter, and I hadn't planned on writing an epiloge since I had a continuation story already in mind. But this last chapter was so hard to write because I felt like this story should have a proper ending regardless of the follow up story, or not. That being said, I've decided to post the first half of the last chapter as a chapter to stand alone. Meaning after this, there will be one more chapter and it will give me a little more time to work out those finer details that I'm still not completely happy with. I'm not sure I like this chapter the way it is, but I haven't posted anything in so long I thought I owed it to you guys to just go ahead and post it already. Thank you all for still reading!

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><p>Hurley was standing outside his old tent when Kate and then Sawyer pushed through the tarp and came into view. Both began to scan the beach for anyone else, and spotted several man and woman dressed in Dharma-overalls further down the beach. Hand guns and rifles in hand and apparently waiting for orders as to what to do next. Perhaps waiting for orders from him.<p>

"They have a raft." Her voice startled Sawyer out of his thoughts as she pointed towards the group of Dharma-folks, "See."

"Yeah, I see it." He answered her, meeting her eyes just for a brief moment before Hurley stopped beside them.

But before the big guy could even say anything, Sawyer beat him to it, "Where the hell have ya' all been?"

Hurley cleared his throat before he spoke up, as if he was still trying to digest what he'd walked in on, "We came here looking for you, but you weren't here, so we went on to Hydra Island. And then stayed the night there cleaning up the mess you guys left behind."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows, lines formed on his forehead as he looked at Hurley in disbelieve, "The mess we left behind?" He asked sarcastically.

Kate chimed in now, her head moving back and forth between Sawyer and Hurley, "What mess?"

Both men looked at her and Hurley answered, "The bodies."

"Oh." Kate acknowledged. Sawyer had told her that they were all dead, but in the midst of all the drama that had happened between her and him since she woke up on that raft, it somehow had slipped her mind.

Sawyer had enough, his voice sounding irritated, "You decided to let Bug-Eye con both of us onto Hydra Island, and leave us there with no way to get in touch with you. And you knew these guys were coming. You told me weeks ago that someone was coming. So don't you come barging in here telling me how you had to clean up my mess."

Hurley spoke up now, somewhat irritated himself, "They weren't supposed to be here for another two weeks. And besides, there are other ways to handle stuff like that, man. You didn't have to go and kill every single one of them."

"Yes I did, they left me no choice."

"You could've arrested them, captured them."

"Hell, why didn't I think of that?" Sawyers voice dripping with sarcasm again. "What exactly did Jackass tell you happened over there?" Not voicing it out loud, but Sawyer wondered if the Doc had made any mentions of Kate being strapped to a table about to be raped. But as soon as he'd asked what Jack had said, he grew worried if Hugo would have enough tact not to repeat it out loud here in front of her.

And when Hurley was just about to say something back, Kate interrupted them both when she screamed, "Enough."

They both stopped and stared at her, she sighed and continued more calmly, "James is right, you guys just left us there to fend for ourselves and they attacked me, knocked me unconscious. James was all on his own and he did what he had to do, Hurley."

Hurley remained quiet taking in what she'd just said, when his eyes filled with what Sawyer perceived as guilt.

Sawyer found himself staring at her as if she was a never before seen creature from another planet. He was just baffled by the fact that she'd just stood up for him. She had just defended him. Defended his actions against big old cuddly can-do-no-harm Hurley here. It just blew his mind.

Kate noticed Sawyer's stare, "What?"

"Nuttin, Freckles." He replied, a smile tucking at the corner of his lips, "Let's get going." His right hand found her lower back under her backpack, ushering her to move forward towards the raft.

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><p>All three started walking towards the group of people waiting by the raft. As they got closer, the group of young men and women began to greet their 'long-lost-boss'.<p>

"Mr. LaFleur, sir, good to have you back." A young tall man said and immediately other's followed suit greeting Sawyer.

A twenty-something red-head, about half a foot shorter then Kate practically ran up to him. Stopped just short of flinging herself into his arms out of excitement and Kate couldn't help the feeling of possessiveness that took over her as she looked the younger woman up and down.

She found herself too preoccupied with assessing the other woman's appearance to even register what the woman was saying to Sawyer. It might have been something to the effects of 'We missed you' but Kate couldn't be entirely sure.

Who wears make-up while living on this damn island? While going on a rescue mission? Kate wondered as her eyes traveled from the red-head to the brunette that had claimed the other side of James now.

She knew he was no saint, knew he had a wandering eye when she wasn't around, but in her presence James had never so much as looked at another woman - with the exception of Juliet! And he wasn't really looking now, however Kate had to admit that she hated the way these two women were eyeing him. Her husband. She didn't like this one bit.

With her arms folded in front of her, hip cocked to one side and her eyes focused on the females surrounding her husband, she hadn't even noticed how Sawyer only had eyes for her. And what he saw in her eyes was something he wasn't entirely sure he'd ever seen there before.

Could it be? Was Kate actually jealous?

He'd seen the look in her eyes when his relationship with Juliet had been revealed and discussed. That look was more like resignation ... like she was throwing in the towel - giving up on them! But now? This look right here was something completely different?

For a brief second he found the thought amusing to toy with her a bit, see how riled up she would get if he flirted back right in front of her. But that thought quickly vanished when he realized they'd had more than their share of drama over the last week. He didn't want to fight anymore ... not even if she looked absolutely adorable with her lip pushed out in a pout, ready to start a catfight ... over him!

Weighing his options as to how to handle this, he couldn't help but remember how him and her had never ever openly acknowledged their relationship on this beach, or even on this island, in front of other people. The cages was altogether different, so was their kiss on the helicopter and so was her arrival and their make-out session in the rec room - extraordinary circumstances - they didn't count. And not to forget all the nights they'd spend in his tent had always been kept under the radar of everyone else on the beach.

Kissing and holding hands in front of Claire, Miles and everyone else within their inner circle, even Cassidy ... that was also different, she was okay with that. But Kate was a private person and he'd come to know that pretty much right from the start.

And if he was completely honest with himself then he'd have to admit that the only reason he wanted to hold her hand and kiss her right here on this beach all those years ago was to rub it all in Jack's face. Rubbing salt into the open wound. Doing anything but short of yelling 'She picked me, Doc'! But then again, he might've actually said those words to the good old doctor at some point anyways.

But they'd come a long way since then. And she did look rather pissed off at the moment, as if she was trying to decide whether she should punch, kick or maybe even shoot the two women next to him.

So Sawyer took a gamble, yeah it was a gamble because even after being married he was unsure of how this would go. Unsure of how she would react. But he wanted to make a statement. He wanted to let her know and everyone around them know, just exactly what Kate and him were to one another. He didn't want her leaving here wondering if he'd find someone new to play house with ... wanted her to know that he didn't have eyes for anyone else!

So before Kate could even register his movement, he quickly pushed past the brunette, took a quick step towards Kate. Framing her face with his big calloused hands and planted a big juicy kiss on her lips.

Kate was surprised, she hadn't seen this coming at all, but she didn't pull back. On the contrary, she leaned into the kiss, her fingers gripping and tightening around his shirt collar, holding him in place as both their lips parted to intensify the kiss.

His hands slit down to her shoulders as the kiss eventually let up. Their eyes opened again and met. The big dimpled grin on Sawyers face was returned with a dimpled smile of her own. She leaned into him, hugging him and he kissed her forehead gently, neither of them even registering their captive audience, the women in particular, when Sawyer said, "Ready to roll?"

She wrapped her arms completely around his waist, her hands connecting at his back, and he did the same, slithering his hands underneath her backpack, before she turned her head to look back at their beach one last time. She sighed an almost inaudible, "Yeah."

Suddenly she found herself incredibly overwhelmed by emotions she hadn't even realized she was holding back. Her eyes glazed over as they traveled across their old camp.

Memories began to flood her mind. How they had build this camp. The search for food and water. Their first kiss had happened further down the beach. Gathering fruit. Their waterfall. Aaron's birth. Sawyer's tent. Everything that had happened in Sawyers tent.

Sure, some terrible things had happened on this island. Her eyes fell onto her tent, where she'd lost their baby.

Then her eyes wandered over the wooden crosses that were barely visible from here, all the way on the other end. Terrible things had happened, no doubt about that. She'd miss all those lost, including the ones that didn't have a cross on this beach, like Sayid, Yin, Sun and Charlie.

But her eyes fell back to Sawyers tent and she sighed again. It wasn't all misery. They did have some good times. In and outside of that tent she'd spend many hours with him - talking, laughing, teasing, kissing, loving - they had been happy sometimes.

Sawyer noticed her sniffle and tugged her in even closer.

It didn't take him any time to figure out what she was thinking. He looked at Hurley who was also looking back at their old camp now. Melancholy written all over his chubby face as well.

So Sawyer spoke up, "Remember that time you got pissed at me, Avalanche?" He paused for a second to wait for some sort of reaction from Hurley.

Hurley turned to look at him questioning, "Which time?"

Sawyer grinned, "Talkin' 'bout that time you went all ape-shit on me and tackled me. Destroyed my whole god damn tent too!" His voice sounded amused now which caught Kate to look up at him to meet his gaze. He looked right back at her and said, "Remember that Freckles? You had a pretty good laugh about it too."

Hurley let out a soft chuckle, "Yeah, dude, but you totally deserved it."

Kates lips turned to a full blown smile now and she too let out a chuckle as she remembered coming to the beach that day to get the crutches for Locke and ended up staying longer just to tease Sawyer about what had happened to his tent.

Hurley spoke up, "Me totally kicking your ass in ping-pong, that's one for the books too, dude." He laughed out loud at the memory, "No nicknames - man it was totally killing you having to use our real names."

"Too bad I missed that." Kate chuckled, grinning ear to ear.

Hurley looked over at him, smiling wide, "Chain-smoking Jackass." Sawyer cocked an eyebrow at him and Hurley added, "That's the nickname I'd for you." Hurley shrugged his shoulders at him when he added, "'Cause you were just so pleasant to be around." He laughed again, "Come to think of it, you haven't changed a whole lot, dude."

He knew Hurley was just teasing him and trying to lighten the mood. And it had worked as him and Kate both had to chuckle at that.

"And here is also where all the magic happened." A big old grin displayed and his tongue licked over his lips suggestively.

Kate's eyes flew up again to meet his, daring him to say what she thought he was about to say. Hurley tried his best to not look his way as he also suspected what was coming next.

But Sawyer surprised them both when instead of reciting some details of a steamy night with her he simply said, "This is where we fell in love. Didn't we Freckles?"

Kate's eyes glazed over with tears again while she nodded her silent agreement, fighting back emotions as she nuzzled her face back against him.

Hurley seemed chocked up as well, Sawyer lowered his gaze and wondered if he was thinking about Libby. His own mind going back to that fateful day and for the hundredth times he wondered what he would've done had it been Kate instead of Libby and Ana that had been shot.

His eyes shot back to Hurley standing there all alone and a wave of guilt flashed through him at the sight, because he remembered that day all too well. He remembered comforting a crying Kate. She'd been crying for all those lost and he'd been eager to hold her. In fact he needed to hold her and feel her alive in his arms, so unbelievably thankful that it hadn't been her. So thankful that she was alive.

Sawyer squeezed Kate a little tighter, kissing her hair and sighed in relief. Silence engulfed all three of them now, and none of the other people dared to interrupt their silent 'good-bye'.

Sawyer didn't really know what had gotten over him. Couldn't really understand why he was feeling the way he was. Maybe it was the fact that he knew this was the last time him and her would ever stand right here looking back at their camp. Their last time together on their beach.

So he only hesitated a brief moment before he spoke, his face grew more serious again and he said, "That's what life's all about. Laughing and loving each other and knowing that people aren't really gone when they die. We have all the good memories to sustain us until we see 'em again."

Kate squeezed him a little harder. Whenever he recited a quote like that it was like she was falling in love with him all over again. So she looked up at him with that demanding look in her eyes, waiting to hear the title and author of the book Sawyer had just recited from.

Their eyes met and he smiled, realizing instantly what that look from her meant and what she wanted to hear. He shook his head when he said, "This one ain't from a book babygirl, it's from little house."

She just stared at him, choked up again, unable to speak. Those damn hormones were really no joke.

"Time to go Freckles."

And with that all three of them turned back towards the rest of the group and headed towards the raft.

* * *

><p>While Sawyer was standing in a huddle with his security team and getting caught up on all things security related, Kate stood there with Hurley waiting to push the raft off the beach.<p>

And as she gathered up her hair to tie it up in a knot Hurley looked at her with that uncomfortable expression again, he then cleared his throat and said, "You might wanna leave it down for now."

She was still twisting it up into a bun, just about had all the curls in place when she looked at him and said, "Why?"

Hurley clearly uncomfortable pointed to his own neck, right below his left ear and said, "You've got something right there."

Kates hand immediately reached down from her hair and was now touching her own neck where Hurley had pointed out, not able to feel anything and clearly not understanding she said, "What is it?"

Hurley just swallowed again, clearly not wanting to elaborate, "You know, it's one of those things."

Kate's hand stilled over her neck rubbing it, "What things?"

Hurley took a step closer and his voice was a whisper now when he answered her in hopes of ending this conversation once and for, "Dude, it's a hickey."

Kate could feel her cheeks on fire in an instant, and her hands immediately untangled the curls again, making sure to cover that side of her neck as she just nodded a shy 'thanks' towards Hurley. Giving Sawyer a menacing glare and vowing to herself to make him pay for this later.

* * *

><p>Pushing the raft out onto the ocean, the women climbed in first. Sawyer made it a point to only assist Kate, by literally grabbing her by the waist and lifting her into the raft, before climbing in right after her.<p>

He sat down and pulled Kate towards him, enjoying and taking advantage of the fact that she was actually letting him do this with other people around. This public display of affection was definitely something new for the both of them. And even though they'd been so used to the scrutiny of the paparazzi in L.A., this right here on the island was still strange to the both of them.

The motor was started and the raft was moving towards the bigger boat that was waiting for them further off shore when Kate suddenly panicked, "Wait. I forgot something." She turned towards the beach, "We have to go back. I forgot ..."

Sawyer cut her off, "I've got it, babe." His arm around her, his hand resting on her shoulder gave her a reassuring squeeze.

She looked at him wondering if he was even talking about the same thing she was talking about, but he just nodded, "I've got it, Freckles. Don't worry, I packed it."

And just that look in his eyes let her know that he knew what she'd forgotten, and that he did in fact had it. With a sigh of relief she settled back down against him on the side of the raft, resting her head on his shoulder.

A mixture of feelings flooded through her. Shame that she'd forgotten it, but at the same time pride that he hadn't.

Glancing up at him smiling she relished in the fact that behind that rough exterior of his was a romantic at heart somewhere.

Because he'd remembered to pack their pregnancy test!

* * *

><p>Sawyer held out his hand to her, helping her over the gap between boat and dock.<p>

Walking down the dock together, Hurley turned around to look at them. "My place 15 minutes."

"Hey, hold on a sec, hoss. Freckles took a bad blow to the head by those guys, she was out cold for half a day. She needs to get checked out by the doc - tor first." Shit, he'd almost slipped.

Hurley stopped and turned all the way towards them, but before he could say anything Kate spoke up, looking up at Sawyer, "I can get my head checked out by myself, while you go talk things over with Hurley."

Sawyer knew what she meant. She wanted to get this done and over with, wanted him to talk to Hugo and know that he'd be able to come and see her off the island.

But Sawyer refused, "Island business can wait another half an hour. I'm going with you to the infirmary."

Kate was just about to open her mouth in protest when Sawyer shook his head, "Uh-uh, I wanna hear for myself that you're alright. This ain't up for discussion, Freckles." And with that he grabbed her hand and pulled her along right past Hurley who felt completely overlooked in all of this.

Watching Kate and Sawyer walk away together ahead of him he yelled, "Okay then, it's settled. I'll see you when you're done at the infirmary. My place."

* * *

><p>Kate stopped short right in front of the few steps that lead up to the door of the infirmary and turned towards him, "Maybe I should get cleaned up first." Her cheeks turned a faint hue of pink as soon as that sentence had left her lips.<p>

Sawyer smiled down at her, clearly amused by the rare moments when Kate acted like a girl, "Babe, you ain't got nuttin' to worry 'bout. This guy's been a medic in the army, he's seen and treated filthy soldiers on dirty battlefields." He leaned in to her, as if to kiss her neck but instead just took an exaggerated sniff, then let out a grunt that made her cheeks turn bright red now before he said, "You Sweetheart smell like heaven, and I ain't even kiddin' girl."

She couldn't help the grin that forced itself onto her face, rolling her eyes at him again, "Liar."

But the grin disappeared as fast as it had appeared and she sighed, eyes downcast for a second before her eyes met his again, "Yeah, but what if he wants to examine me."

Sawyers eyebrows raised, leaving a curious expression on his face, "Yeah, ain't that what we're here for?"

She closed the small gap between them, looking up at him and speaking with a low voice as if she was afraid someone might overhear their conversation, "I'm not talking about examining my head, James." She gave him a pointed look before she lowered her head and looked towards her lower region.

Sawyers eyes followed her gaze and instant realization flooded his face, "Oh." Letting the thought sink in for a second before he said, "You know we've got a she-doctor here too. She's an actual OBGYN for the female island population, babe. How about we get this guy to check your head out first, and then schedule something for the Lady-doctor to take a look at you later. What do you say?"

Kate nodded and sighed in relief before they both walked up the few steps and Sawyer held the door open for her, with the wave of his free hand suggesting her to go on in.

* * *

><p>They both walked into Hurleys house and were cheerfully greeted back to the main island by Frank.<p>

Sawyer settled down on the couch, his usual self, feet shoulder wide apart, making his large frame appear even larger. Silently patted the seat right next to him and Kate followed suit.

Hurley took two cans of beer out of the fridge, and without so much as asking if they wanted any, held one out to Sawyer and one to Kate.

But Sawyer just nodded a silent 'thanks' and grabbed the both of them, when Hurley spoke up, "Ahem, one of those was for her."

Sawyers lips curled up into a big old grin, but before he could say anything, she spoke up, not ready to reveal their secret just yet, "Thanks Hurley, but I'd rather have some water."

Frank said, "I'll get it." And walked to the fridge to retrieve a cold bottle of water, and handed it to her.

Sawyer and Kate shared a look and Kate was able to communicate to him that she wasn't ready to make the announcement just yet - much to Sawyers disappointment.

"So what's going on? What did we miss on fantasy island?" Sawyer asked while he popped the first cold can open and took a swig, relishing the taste of the cold alcoholic beverage. Kate watched him rather envious as she held the water bottle in her hand.

Hurley settled down in the chair across from the couple and Frank pulled up a chair from the kitchen to sit on as they began discussing everything that had let up to this day. And everything that had taken place on Hydra island as well, but Sawyer consciously left out the part how and under what circumstances he'd found Kate. There was no need for her to worry about something that she clearly had no recollection of.

All of this was interrupted when Ben suddenly busted through the door. And it seemed like it had Sawyer only taken a second to jump up from his position on the sofa, basically leaping over the coffee table before Ben could even utter a greeting towards them.

Sawyers fist made contact with Bens face in an instant and a loud, yet familiar 'sonofabitch' outburst was followed by more vicious punches to Benjamin Linus' face, who was now lying rather helpless on the floor with Sawyer hovering above him.

Kate stood up in shock as Frank and Hurley tried to pull Sawyer off of Ben.

Mumbled curses came out of Sawyers mouth, so full of rage that he couldn't even speak clearly - to Kates relief - because within all those mumblings and half sentences she could understand one thing just fine.

"You gassed her ... it was your fault." Those words were reason enough for Kate to finally get her own emotions in check and rush to his side, trying to get him to stop as well.

Sawyers fists were still swinging towards the already bloodied face of Ben, but what Frank and Hurley weren't able to stop, Kate could almost immediately.

"James, please stop." Her voice sounded stressed, she clearly didn't want everyone to know about this, and she knew if Sawyer wouldn't stop he'd eventually say something that would spill her secret. This was her fault, not Ben's. She failed their baby, she did, she'd caused the miscarriage because she couldn't help that overwhelming urge to rescue Jack after he'd helped James and her escape. And she would be the one regretting that decision for the rest of her life.

Sawyer halted his assault for just a brief moment, his bloodied fist hovering right above Ben's face as he looked up at Kate, "He did this, he."

"He didn't know James. Nobody knew." Kates eyes spilled over with tears, "And I don't want anyone to know. This is private."

The look that was shared between Hurley and Frank after her 'private' remark didn't go unnoticed by her.

Sawyer stared at her and saw that pleading look in her eyes. Then he shifted his attention back to Ben, staring at him, finally he unclenched his fist and pushed himself up to a stand. Fighting the urge to spit at the bloodied mass, that was lying before him on the ground. Then his eyes met Kates again and he silently backed away from Ben, completely ignoring Hurleys and Franks inquiries what the hell that was all about.

Hurley and Frank helped Ben up off the ground, and rushed him out of the house, over to the infirmary.

Kate stepped closer to Sawyer, reaching out to inspect his bloodied knuckles, but he pulled away from her.

"I'm fine." His voice came out hoarse and gruff, his good mood from earlier had all but vanished.

She wasn't about to let him do this again. Build that wall up again to push her away. So she busted right through that invisible barrier and grabbed his left hand, inspected it for a second, before looking up at him again, "Let's go." She nodded towards the bathroom, "We need to get those cuts cleaned up."

He pulled back again from her, "I said I'm fine, Kate." His voice had that mean undertone once again.

But this time she lost her patience with him, she was so tired of this constant rollercoaster, her voice sounding equally rough and annoyed, "You're not fine, so let's go." And with that she gave him a small shove towards the hallway that led to the bathroom.

Stubborn as he is he only complied reluctantly after several more shoves from Kate, but she finally had him sitting on the edge of the bathtub while she tried to clean his bloodied knuckles with peroxide.

She was surprised that he didn't even flinch, which was very unlike him. He was always a big baby when it came to her taken care of him, she knew though that most the time he only did it to keep a conversation going or to lighten the mood.

So right now, when he didn't say anything about how she should be gentler, it unsettled her in a way she couldn't even describe. It worried her immensely and had her wondering what was going on in his head at the moment, wishing he'd just complain about the peroxides sting or ... hell anything really to ease this ridiculous tension that was building up between them. But he didn't, instead there was silence.

She didn't know what to say either, so she just continued to silently dab the peroxide soaked cotton-ball over each bloody cut on his hand as gentle as she could. Searching his eyes a few times between dabs, but he'd lowered his gaze as if he was watching intently the movement of her hands.

After she was done with the cleaning part, she slowly began to bandage his hand up for him. She was taken her time, with slow controlled movement, wondering what she could say to him. Should she thank him that he'd stopped when she'd asked him too? But before she could answer her own question in her head, he startled her when he suddenly spoke up.

"I should've gone with you." His voice was still hoarse and lazed with anger.

Kate searched his eyes, but he still wouldn't look at her, and she was almost afraid to ask what he meant by that. But she had to ask, "Should've gone with me where?"

His eyelashes lifted and he actually met her gaze, "To rescue Jack. I should've never let you go alone. I should've."

She cut him off, "I wasn't alone, James. Sayid and Locke."

Now he cut her off, his eyes fixated on hers, "They didn't protect you the way I would've." Then he looked away again, his eyes downcast towards the floor and she hated it.

Her face fell with sadness. Was he now blaming himself? I'm the one to blame not you.

Kate got down to the floor, kneeling in front of him so she could look at his face, but he turned his head looking away.

She reached up, framing his face with her hands now, forcing him to look at her. That sorrowful look in his eyes broke her heart into a million pieces, "It wouldn't have changed anything. I should've listened to Jack when he told me not to come back for him. I should've listened to you too. It was my fault, James. If anyone's to blame then it's me." Her hands slipped from his face.

She held his gaze, searching his eyes for agreement while he remained silent.

He blinked and his eyes soften a little but the question that followed surprised Kate, "If you ... if you'd known you were pregnant, would you've went back for him?"

Her first thought was, 'probably', because at the time she felt like she owed it to Jack to help him, but she also knew that wasn't the answer he was hoping for.

So knowing what she knew now. Knowing that Jack really didn't want to be rescued. Knowing that he would've been able to leave the island and probably still be alive. Knowing that she was pregnant with Sawyers child and she'd loose the baby by going back. Knowing all those things, she answered him, "No, I wouldn't have, James. I would've pointed Sayid and Locke into the right direction, but I would've let them do it on their own."

He nodded his head at that silently as if he was saying he agreed with her, and the look in his eyes seemed to soften even further, then he whispered "I'm sorry, Freckles. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

She reached for his right hand, the one that wasn't bandaged up, and the sincerity in his voice caused tears threatening to spill over again, "I'm sorry too. I should've told you sooner."

He shook his head, "I can't believe Juliet never said anything. Three god damn years, you would think she'd 've mentioned it."

Kate sighed, she couldn't believe she was actually defending the blonde, "And then what? What would've been different if she'd told you? It wouldn't have changed what happened."

He pulled his hand out of hers and ran it through his long disheveled hair, "It would've changed something."

Kate didn't understand his way of thinking. She couldn't make sense of his logic behind that statement, "How? How would it have changed anything?"

He exhaled sharply when he pushed himself up to a stand, walking a few steps away from her in the tiny bathroom, then turned around and looked at her as she was getting up to stand as well, "It would've changed how I felt about her, that's how!" His voice harsher once again.

"What do you mean?" Kate folded her arms in front of her chest, a questioning look on her face.

Sawyer looked right at her, his voice loud and mean, "I mean that I'm pretty sure she didn't tell me, because she knew I'd blame her. She was the one who cuffed herself to you. She was the one who made sure you'd be gassed, so that she could have you dragged out into the jungle and cuff herself to you. And if I'd known all that, do you really think I would've ever even kissed that woman, let alone live with her for two and a half years?"

Kate now looked away, because she didn't believe him. He was thinking this way now because he was angry and he needed someone to blame for the way he felt, but she knew none of this was true.

She didn't know how to answer him, because what she thought was probably not what he wanted to hear ... and she was just tired, so tired of fighting about Jack and Juliet. She was tired of reliving this painful past.

So when Kate didn't say anything and looked away instead, he spoke up again, "You got nothing to say to that, girl? I pour my fucking heart out to you and ... nothing, nada?"

She finally looked up at him, waving her hands in a surrendering notion, "What do you want me to say James? I don't know what you expect me to say to that?"

He sighed and shook his head in disbelieve, "How about the god damn truth for once? How about you actually say what you really mean, just for once in your life Kate!"

She folded her arms again and shifted her weight to her other leg, "I don't think it would've changed anything. Just like me knowing that Jack wasn't the right person for me didn't change the fact that I accepted his proposal."

Sawyer opened his mouth, ready to protest, but she raised her hand, "Let me finish. You wanted me to say something, so now I am."

He didn't look happy to do so but he remained quiet, folding his own arms now in front of him. They looked quite the pair standing across from one another like this.

"I think me being with Jack was just a ... it was just a sad time-out. A break from the constant disconnect, because I was lonely. And I think ... or at least I hope that's all it was for you with Juliet too."

She sighed loudly, searching his face for agreement and when he nodded she wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek, "But the truth is, I saw you, James. When Jack asked me to marry him, I ... I thought of you, I saw your face for just a small second, yet I accepted anyway. Because of everything that Cassidy had said, and he was there and ..."

Another tear fell, "And you were just gone." She wiped at her face to stop the tears from rolling. "So, to answer your question. No, I don't think it would've changed what happened between Juliet and you. Just like seeing your face didn't change my answer to him."

Silence dragged on for what seemed like hours, yet it was merely a minute before Sawyer spoke up.

Sawyers face was so full of emotions when he let his arms fall to his side and said, "Kinda like that song."

She looked up, her voice full with sobs, "W-what song?"

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." He answered with a hint of hesitation in his voice.

She sobbed again, "Never heard that song."

He stepped towards her, wrapping her in his arms, resting his chin on top of her head, "Wish I'd never heard it either."

So they stood there silently wrapped in each others arms for a long moment, when Kate pulled back to look up at him, still sobbing she said, "But ... but that's not what this is now, right? Like the song, I mean."

He had to smile at that, he couldn't help it despite the tears in her eyes staring back at him, "No Freckles, you're the one I love and you're the one I'm with. You're the one!"

A loud sob came out against her will, and she seemed clearly relieved by his answer.

Sawyer brushed her tears away with his thumb, leaned down, their lips brushing against each other hesitantly. Almost shyly, like they were strangers kissing for the first time. But then that familiar pull took over them and the kiss turned passionately.

They only let up from the kiss when they heard a loud knock at the door. It was Frank alerting them that Ben was alright, and that they had more things to discuss.

"We'll be right there." Sawyer yelled out, handing Kate a tissue for her nose. "You alright, babe?"

She nodded as she wiped at her nose with the tissue.

Sawyer chuckled, "Those hormones are really kicking your ass, ain't they darlin'?

Now she smiled and nodded again, before he opened the door and they both headed out towards the living room again.

* * *

><p>Of course Ben wanted to know what he'd done to deserve that, and Frank and Hurley were equally interested in that answer. But after a look from Kate he simply said that it was a misunderstanding, which was followed by a sarcastic remark from Ben and Sawyer had to fight the urge to hit the man again.<p>

Sawyer started off the actual conversation they'd come here for today, "So how long before the sub get's here?"

Hurley shared a look with Ben and then even glanced in Franks direction before he looked back to Kate and Sawyer sitting on the couch, "The sub isn't coming."

"What do you mean it ain't coming?" Sawyer asked before Kate had a chance to voice the exact same question.

Now Ben spoke up, "We canceled the sub." Sawyer was about to interrupt, but Ben held up his hand to let him continue, "We're holding off, because those people that came to Hydra Island. The people that attacked you. We believe that was just their exploration team, the real threat is still out there and they could be coming back any day now."

"Coming back?" Kate asked confused by that statement, and she shared a look with Sawyer who also didn't understand.

"Did you find a boat?" Ben directed his question to Sawyer, who shook his head.

Ben continued, "Clearly they didn't swim to Hydra Island, which means they left and they must be coming back. And according to Hurley, that will happen real soon."

Kate shook her head, still not really understanding, "What does that have to do with the sub Frank and I were supposed to leave on?"

That's when Hurley spoke up, "To avoid any more people dying, I decided that we have to move the island before they get back here."

Sawyer let out a sigh, when he finally understood the repercussions of Hurley's decision.

And before Kate could even ask any further, Ben chimed in to explain, "Once we move the island we will lose all communication with the outside world. It will take a month or two to get everything back in order."

Kate gave Sawyer a weary look, she wasn't exactly sure whether she should be happy or upset about this. After all, she would like to stay with him, but on the other hand, if she'd have to leave after two more months then she could be facing jail-time.

Sawyer seemed clearly annoyed by this. He understood that Hurley didn't want people to die, but Sawyers first priority was only Kate's well being, "She can't stay here another month or two, she's already been gone for almost a month. It's only a matter of time before her proby is going to wonder where the hell she's at."

He shook his head to himself before he looked around the group and added, "Three months out of state, someone's gonna notice and then shit will hit the fan."

Hurley shared another look with Ben, which made Kate look at Sawyer wondering what that was all about, but Ben spoke up before either Sawyer or Kate could voice that question out loud. "That's why we've decided that Kate should be the one to move the island."

Kate was taken aback by this, she didn't really know what exactly it entailed to move the island. "What does that mean?"

Sawyer huffed, "It means, Sweetcheeks, that the geek squat wants to ship you off to Tunisia, but that ain't gonna happen." Sawyer's eyes traveled from Kates confused look to scan the faces of the three men sitting in front of him.

His voice came out loud and mean, "The orchid is highly magnetic, that shit down their ain't no joke, and I'll be damned if I let her anywhere near that place." Sawyers eyes met Kates again. They both knew that they might have to share their little secret sooner than later after all.

Ben didn't seem at all discouraged by Sawyers tone of voice, "It's perfectly safe down there, James. I've moved the island myself and so has John Locke."

Now Kate finally spoke up on her own behalf, "But John Locke didn't make it back to L.A. until almost 3 years later." She looked back at Sawyer for a moment, "You said he left just days after I left on that Helicopter." Sawyer nodded and she continued, "So he time-traveled three years into the future. How is that going to benefit me then? If I stay here, I could make it back to L.A. in about two month. Seems like the better choice."

Hurley spoke up now, hoping to ease everyone's mind, "I can control how far ahead in time you'll jump."

There was silence for a second, Kate considering what Hurley had said when Sawyer turned his attention to her, "We've got no choice here, Freckles, we've gotta tell 'em."

"Tell us what exactly?" Ben spoke up.

Kate and Sawyer shared a long look, and Kate finally turned her attention back to the group. Looking at Ben and Frank when she said, "Can we talk to Hurley alone for a minute?"

All three men shared a look, and Hurley nodded before Ben and Frank left and walked out the front door.

As soon as the door had shut behind them, Hurley spoke up, "What's going on guys? Is everything okay?"

Sawyer glanced at Kate who returned the look, "Freckles here got some news to share with ya', boss."

Kate looked seemingly unsure, it felt oddly strange to share these news with Hurley before she'd told Cassidy or Claire about it, but Sawyer was right. It had to be done now.

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out rather quickly, glancing over at Sawyer and seeing him smile made her smile as well, so she continued, "James and I are having a baby."

Hurley was speechless at first, but that didn't stop that big genuine smile that spread across his chubby face. He basically shot up from his seat, arms stretched out, leaving the expecting couple no choice but to be pulled into one of Hugos infamous bear-hugs when he finally yelled out, "A baby? That's so awesome, guys." Patting Sawyer on his shoulder as if he'd done it all alone, "Congrats, man." And with that an actual laugh escaped Hurley's throat.

His cheerful outburst was clearly contagious, because Sawyer and Kate were both smiling even wider now too.

They all settled back into their seats after the smaller details were discussed, as to how they found out, how far along she might already be and all of those things. Then the topic changed quickly again to the upcoming days ahead.

Hurley was the first to address the issues at hand, he knew as much about the island now as Ben did, possibly even more considering his new found abilities as the protector. He looked at Sawyer, who knew quiet a lot himself, more then he'd ever let on around Kate, because most of his knowledge came from Juliet, "So you're worried that the magnets at the orchid station will be bad for the baby, is that why you're against it?"

Kate turned her attention to Sawyer, clearly surprised by the knowledge he shared with Hurley that she was utterly unaware of and found Sawyer nodding in agreement to what Hurley had just said.

"I can take care of that too." Hurley sounded strangely at ease and more confident than Kate had ever seen him.

"What do you mean?" Sawyer asked in return.

Hurley leaned forward in his seat, resting his forearms on his knees, "I can make it so that nothing will happen to her and the baby."

"How?" Sawyer fired back without any hesitation.

Hurley shook his head, "I can't explain it really, it's like ... you know it's like Richard, how he didn't age. Jacob did that, he said. And I can make it so that your baby will be alright."

"And that will work for sure?" Kate asked rather skeptical, "I mean, no offense Hurley, but you are rather new at this."

"I know I can, Kate. I wouldn't lie to you guys about something like that."

"When do I have to leave?" Kate asked rather hesitantly because she had a feeling she wouldn't like the answer she was about to hear.

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Tomorrow?" Sawyer repeated outraged, "Son of a bitch!" Kate gave him a sad look and he reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"It's gotta be as soon as possible, dude." Hurley tried to reason with them.

"What about Frank? How is he gonna get home?" Kate felt slightly guilty for having involved him in all of this.

"Well, he agreed to sit it out until the sub gets back."

Sawyer stood up just then with a heavy sigh, "Guess that's it then. I assume she'll get briefed by Ben about the orchid, get passports and travel papers and all of that?"

Hurley just nodded and stood up as well, "Yeah, papers are ready, everything's set up. Ben will brief her tomorrow morning."

Sawyer pulled on her hand, suggesting for her to get up when she tugged right back for him to sit down, "Wait, there's something else we have to talk about?" her eyes were focused on Sawyers face.

Sawyer reluctantly sat back down, because he didn't really wanted to have this conversation with Kate right there in the room, but he also knew she wouldn't let him walk out of here without an answer.

Hurley looked at them somewhat curious and sat back down too. Wondering what other news the couple had to share with him, "What's up, guys?"

Sawyer swallowed that lump in the back of this throat, he wasn't entirely sure how to start this conversation so he decided to take the most direct approach and came right out and asked it, "Freckles and I were wondering if I could leave the island from time to time to go see her and the kid?"

And before Hurley could even answer, he quickly added, "You know, Richard said he wants to get out of the island business, thought maybe I could run some of his errands off island and spend time with Kate too."

The look in Sawyers eyes could've only been described as sad, since he always tented to fear the worst then hope for the best. Kates eyes on the other hand were full with hope, as if her happiness was solely depending on Hurleys answer.

Hurley wasn't entirely sure what to say to this. It felt like there were strings tugging at his heart, telling him to let the both of them in on the secret he'd been keeping. The fact that one of these days Sawyer would be allowed to leave the island for good, and it would not result in Kate getting sick again how his southern friend feared.

But he didn't know yet when that day would be, it could be as early as next week or twenty years down the road. So he couldn't give them hope about reuniting their family for good, when the timeline for that to happen hadn't been established yet.

So what is a man to say to such a request? Who could deny a man to spend time with his wife and meet his child?

So Hurley answered the best way he knew how for the time being, "I'm sure we can work something out."

Kates eyes spilled over with tears again, but this time they were happy tears as she leaned into Sawyer and he kissed her, clearly surprised that it had been that simple to convince the big man to let him do this.

* * *

><p>Sawyer leaned back against the wall of his shower, seemingly unaffected by the cold tile touching his back. His big broad hands reaching out and pulling a soapy Kate towards him, before he let his hands slide over her slippery curves, under the pretence of helping her get cleaned. "Sure you don't wanna?"<p>

She turned her head and gave him an eye-roll, "I'm not having sex with you right before my doctor appointment, James. So quit asking please."

He pulled her back to his chest, her ass pressed against his erection. His right soapy hand caressing her breasts, while his left hand still wrapped in a soap soaked bandage worked its way down her front between her legs, gently and skillfully caressing her.

Kate tried to suppress a moan, "Damnit James, you're really making it hard to say no."

Clearly amused and enthusiastic that his seduction skills seemed to be working he drawled into her ear, "You're the one making things hard, darlin'!" And with that he kissed her neck, before he began sucking at it skillfully.

"That's it." She huffed annoyed as she reached for both his wrists, peeled herself out of his arms and turned around moving her wet curls away from the other side of her neck to reveal the hickey that Hurley had pointed out to her earlier today. "See this, I already have one, so don't you dare try giving me one on the other side too."

He chuckled, his hand reaching out to trace the purplish mark, "It doesn't look that bad, Freckles. And besides, just tells anyone else that you're taken." That you're mine, he added voiceless in his head.

She had to smile at that macho comment from him, and pretty much shoved her left hand into his face, with the prominent diamond facing him, "I thought this is supposed to show that I'm taken."

He cocked his head to the side and gave her his most charming grin as he took her outstretched hand in his and kissed it, "Yeah, that too, darlin'!"

Letting go of her hand, his hands slipped back down to her waist, pulling her to him as his lips found hers again in a passionate kiss.

But Kate pulled away, knowing she couldn't resist him much longer she said, "You gotta get out."

He looked at her, raised eyebrows, "It's my shower, babe."

"It's my shower too, and I still have to wash all this sand out of my hair, but that won't happen with you in here." She pushed him gently, keeping him at arm's length.

"You're serious? You're kicking me out of my shower?" he looked himself up and down, trying to take another step towards her, "I gotta rinse off, I got your soap all over me."

She pushed him back again, "Not my problem, cowboy. Go. Get out!"

He finally let up and reached for the towel as he pulled the curtain aside and stepped out of the bathtub. And as he was using the towel to dry himself off he said, "You know all this soap left on me will dry my skin out, girl." Peeking at her mischievously, while wrapping the towel around his waist.

Kate working a lather into her hair, squinted back at him, "Maybe if you keep your hands to yourself until after the check-up, I'll treat you to some lotion later." She gave him a toothy grin.

"Sounds like a deal, Freckles. Now hurry up in there, the doctor's probably already waiting for us."

He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes again, but he couldn't see it because she'd pulled the shower curtain closed again, shielding herself from his prying eyes and those tempting dimples.

* * *

><p><strong>End Notes:<strong>I hope you all still like this story and if so leave me a review with your thoughts. Thank you so much for still reading!


	40. Chapter 40 Nice dress!

**Author's Note: **I wanna start out by saying that I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I have this story in my head, I know how it is going to end and yet it seems incredibly difficult to put it all down the way I've envisioned it. It had gotten so bad that I had actually deleted it all and started fresh in hopes that the right words would come easier that way. They didn't. So anyhow, this was supposed to be the last chapter of this story, but it's not. There will be one more after this to finally put this one to rest. I hope you enjoy it anyhow and I hope you aren't disappointed with this. So here it goes ...

* * *

><p>"You know, I'm a little offended by this." Kate said while she proceeded to dump the box full of clothes out on Sawyers bed.<p>

"Offended by what?" Sawyer glanced over his shoulder as he buckled his belt closed.

"This!" she nodded towards the clothes that she was looking through to find something to wear to her doctor appointment. "Hurley just bringing my clothes over to your place while we were gone, as if it was a sure thing I'd forgive you."

He walked up behind her now, wrapping his arms around her middle and letting one hand slide under the towel she was wearing. Kissing her neck, then whispering into her ear, "You did forgive me."

She untangled herself out of his arms for what seemed like the hundredth times within the last thirty minutes and scoffed, "He didn't know that though."

Stepping around the bed to the other side, she sat down and pulled her black lace panty up her legs, stood back up and pulled them all the way up with Sawyer watching her from across the room. She dropped the towel now, and while pulling on a bra she looked back over her shoulder at him, "It's sort of offending that Hurley just assumed I was giving in to you again."

Sawyer began to button up his shirt without taken his eyes off of her, and a smug dimpled grin spread across his unshaven face, "Can't blame the man for assuming the inevitable."

"The inevitable?" Kate repeated sarcastically, shooting him a look as she pulled on a clean pair of jeans.

Sawyer sat down on her side of the bed, pulling socks and boots on, looking up at her, still sporting that smug grin when he said it again, "Yeah, the inevitable! With you and me, Freckles, it's inevitable that we get back together, don't ya' think?"

Kate rolled her eyes at him as she pulled her shirt down and smoothed it out over her abdomen.

Sawyer tying his other boot now, had seen her rolling her eyes at him and said, "I'm serious though, hon', I mean hell, just look at our history for a sec."

He stood up and casually pushed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, stepping towards the open door to lean against the doorframe, waiting for her to get her shoes on, "If our past together is any indication as to how you and me will go down in history, I'd say the odds are in our favor."

She looked up at him from her position on the floor while tying her shoe, "How you figure that?"

Those dimples digging deep into his cheeks again, his eyes sparkling with mischief, "We fight some times, ain't no denying that. We scratch, claw and scream at each other."

He pulled his left hand out of his pocket, running a rather raw and un-bandaged looking hand through his still damp hair when he added, "But somewhere somehow we end up with either you on top of me or me on top of you, still scratchin', clawin' and screamin', but now for completely different reasons. And that, babe … that's always been the inevitable."

She got off the floor and threw the towel she had wrapped around her hair at him, but he just chuckled, "You're just mad 'cause you know it's the god damn truth, Freckles."

"Oh zip it, James." She huffed as she pushed past him and out of the bedroom into the hallway.

Walking down the hall, she looked back over her shoulder at him following her, "And if you don't wipe that smug look off your face I promise the inevitable won't happen this time."

"We'll see." He quipped back still smiling as he followed her out of the front door.

* * *

><p>After pacing the small room like a caged tiger for the last fifteen minutes, Sawyer finally took a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting area of the recently remodeled infirmary. Tapping his fingers nervously on the armrest of his chair, he found himself restless, and in dire need of a cigarette … again.<p>

He had so many different thoughts running through his mind at the same time, and most of them weren't pleasant ones.

For one, there was the imminent one about the kid. Now that Kate was actually in there and getting checked out, he found himself wondering if that MRI might have done some damage after all. The liquor he wasn't too concerned with, but he'd lied to Kate when he pretended that he wasn't worried about that MRI. But if that doc would find anything wrong, he'd beg Hurley – on his knees if he had to – to fix it, someway somehow. With his voodoo-island-magic, surely there would be a way to fix the kid. The only problem with that notion was that Sawyer had nothing left to bargain with. He'd already sold his soul to this place to keep Kate alive. And that's how it worked, you don't get island-magic for free.

Second, he was upset that he had less than twenty-four hours left to spend with her. Of course he'd make the trek to the Orchid with her. Spending every last second he had with her, but he could already feel his heart breaking just thinking about letting her go. Watching her disappear right before his eyes.

Then he was also worried how she'd fend for herself in Tunisia, and anywhere else for that matter. How would she find her way back to the states? And most of all how would she do that unnoticed, when her face had been on every god damn tabloid and tv screen for the past four years?

What would happen if she got caught? Would she be send back to prison for violating her parole terms? Would she end up giving birth to their baby in prison, and then with him presumed dead, would the kid end up in some orphanage like he had?

Fuck!

What the hell is taken so long in there?

Right when that thought crossed his mind the door flew open, he jumped to his feet and with a wave of her hand Dr. Cross let him know that he could come in now.

Nervously and with sweaty palms he made his way past the female doctor and into the room.

He wasn't entirely sure what he had anticipated to find as he walked through the doorframe. Suppose he thought Kate would still be dressed in some ugly hospital gown, hell maybe even with her legs still up in those stirrups. But what he hadn't anticipated was for her not to be there at all.

Almost panic stricken he turned around, questioning the doctor that had just closed the door behind him, "Where is she?"

"She's getting dressed again, she'll be back in a moment." The woman said with a friendly smile on her face.

Wearily Sawyer looked around the room. He'd never been in this room of the infirmary before. The walls were covered with posters. Baby growth charts and the like. One poster describing in details how the female cycle worked, while another described how an iud was inserted and removed. And Sawyer found himself completely out of place, especially without Kate right here with him.

And right then, a door that Sawyer hadn't even notice opened and Kate stepped back into the room. She wasn't exactly smiling, but she wasn't frowning either, and Sawyer decided for himself to take that as a good sign.

"Hey," he said almost shyly. He was completely out of his element here. Being with his pregnant wife – Kate – at the OB GYN check up on the island … hell, never in a million years would he have anticipated this day to come. Especially not since he left L.A. and her behind.

"Hey," she answered as she walked towards him, when the doctor interrupted their awkward reunion.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. LaFleur, let's have a look at that baby." She said with an overly enthusiastic sounding voice.

Sawyer was just dumbfounded, and Kate couldn't help but smile at the helpless expression that immediately crossed his face.

While the doctor was busy turning some machines on, Kate reached for his hand and pulled him along to the side of the examining chair she was about to sit back on.

Leaning back in the chair, she pulled her shirt up, resting the fabric right underneath her breasts. Then wordlessly unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them and her panties a little bit down too, while the doctor pulled on some latex cloves over her hands.

That's when Sawyer couldn't take it anymore, "So, the MRI she had … It didn't do no harm to the kid?"

His eyes focused on the doctor who looked up at him when he voiced his concern.

"No, I'm positive the MRI didn't do any harm to your child. As a matter of fact, if a pregnant woman is in need of a scan, MRIs are the only safe option to do so, whereas CT scans or x-rays are not allowed and potentially harmful to the fetus."

Sawyer let out a sigh of relief, meeting Kate's eyes he took a step closer to the examining chair, resting his left hand on her shoulder, while his right hand found hers and held on tight.

The doctor turned towards Kate with a bottle in her hand, "Now this will be a bit cold, so brace yourself." And with that she squeezed some of the clear contents of the bottle onto Kate's lower abdomen.

Sawyer didn't know what to think or feel. He'd only seen these kind of things on tv. In some chick-flick Claire and Kate 'made' him watch, where the expecting parents would get all happy tears when they see their baby for the first time.

But never had he pictured himself in this setting or scene. Never like this. His hands sweaty and he'd bet his last dollar that Kate could tell.

And he also couldn't deny nor control the quickening of his heartbeat when the doctor began moving the instrument across Kates stomach and grainy images began to display onto the screen before them.

The room filled with an odd sound. Like underwater footage of something and at first he saw nothing. Nothing recognizable anyways. But suddenly there it was, a perfect profile view of a tiny … someone. And he could feel his heart clench inside his chest. Painfully, retracting and releasing … over and over again.

"There it is." Dr. Cross announced, with her free hand pointing towards the screen, "There's the head, torso, arms and legs. That right there is the spine." Pushing some buttons and then pointing again, "And that right there is the heart, beating nice and steady."

And with that the room filled with the sound of their babys heartbeat.

No words, just looks were exchanged between Kate and him. Utterly speechless at the sound and picture before him. And he feels lightheaded all of a sudden. Has to steady himself against the chair, his fingers digging into Kate's shoulder and squeezing the crap out of the other. The emotions too overwhelming … his mind going back to those chick-flicks which always seemed too sappy but now don't even do justice to the way he feels right now.

Finds himself helplessly looking at Kate for answers, wondering how it is possible to feel so much for someone you haven't even met yet. Someone so tiny and helpless and utterly clueless. Someone who doesn't even know what he or she is in for with him as the father.

Then the question shot out before he even knew what he was saying, "Is it a boy or girl, doc?"

The woman smiled at him, "It's too early to tell, Mr. LaFleur. But whatever it is, it looks healthy."

"That's all that matters, right?" Kate's voice startled him. And when he looked at her he saw a tear run down her cheek, but she was smiling and clearly relieved that their baby seemed to be okay. Happy tears.

Sawyer nodded, fighting back that lump in his own throat, "Absolutely." And with that he leaned in to wipe her tears away with his big sweaty thumb and kissed her.

* * *

><p>"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, my hair."<p>

"Shit, sorry Freckles." He mumbled as he tried to untangle them both out of the sheet.

The sheet and their skin damp from their love-making. Slumping back down onto his pillow with a heavy sigh, his chest still heaving, he pulled Kates naked form snug against his again.

She propped herself up on one elbow, leaned forward and kissed him. First a few innocent pecks, but then her hand disappeared in his hair and she pulled him in for a long passionate kiss, which he returned willingly.

The kiss let up and he raised an eyebrow, "You trying to kill me, gurl?"

Smiling rather sheepishly at him, "Can't keep up with me, huh?" She settled down and got comfortable, her head resting on his shoulder with her hand drawing lazy circles on his tanned chest.

Sated silence, and she looks up at him, wondering and waiting for a comeback that doesn't come, but instead she finds his eyes fixed on the ceiling, staring into space and clearly lost in his own thoughts.

She stills her hand flat on his chest and closes her eyes, wondering what he's thinking about. Hooking one leg over his middle to get more comfortable and begins to drift off, relishing the perfectness of the moment. Wishing that time could stand still just like this for a little while.

Sawyers mind on the other hand was beginning to worry when the high from their love-making began to simmer down again. After seeing that little grainy image of the baby – their baby – he suddenly can't help but think about Clementine. His little girl. His perfect little girl that barely even knew him.

He's never been a guy that was good with kids. He'd never made the effort, until he was stuck with Aaron for a while. He'd also never wanted any of his own, and after he'd found out about Clementine's existence he was convinced that she would be better off without him involved. All of that had changed because of Kate.

It wasn't until Kate … it wasn't until he met this beautiful strange woman that seemed to care about him – in-spite of knowing the truth – and fell in love with her, that he'd begun to ponder the thought of looking Cassie up and getting to know his little girl.

But truth be told, Cassie wouldn't have let him within a hundred miles of her daughter if it hadn't been for Kate. And he couldn't really blame her for it either. But Kate insisted that he should keep trying and apparently used her friendship with Cassie to help his cause. So he got to meet his daughter, because of Kate.

Glancing sideways at her sleeping form in his arms, he thanked his lucky stars for her. For all the good memories he'd made with her and because of her.

But still, as he kissed her hair and held her tight, his mind went back to Clementine. She is too old and too smart. Not a baby anymore. No, not at all. Yet still so trusting and innocent, the opposite of what he was after his parents died. But then again, she's younger too. He knew he couldn't just go back and see her, spend time with her and hope that no one would find out about it. It wouldn't be fair to his little girl. Wouldn't be fair to put her through such an emotional rollercoaster.

But unlike him, she still had a parent in her life. And despite all the bad blood between him and his ex, he had to admit that Cassidy was a good mom. A really great mom.

And the 'not-so-new' new guy. The fiancée! Paid Gordy another small fortune to have him checked out too. Worst thing he found on that s.o.b. were and a few speeding tickets over the years. Nothing in his past that raised any flags … good enough to raise his daughter. And surely Kate would keep an eye on him too. He had no doubt about that. Kate would look out for his little girl and her mama too.

Pondering those thoughts he saw no other choice then to let Clementine believe he was still dead.

And then he wondered about this kid. Their kid. Can't help the involuntary image of a little blond haired, blue eyed boy before him. Reasons with himself. Telling himself it could be a little freckled faced girl in there, but every time he thinks what this kid will look like this picture of a little boy appears in his mind.

And his mind began to wonder. How often would he get to see his son? How much of his life would he miss? What would he be to him? Mommy's special friend? Or would she introduce him as daddy? And if so, how long would it be before the kid learns to talk and spill the beans about it all? And then what? How long would Kate and him be able to keep their secret meetings secret? What was Kate's plan to begin with? Was she going back home and telling Cassidy what he'd done? Would Cass pull Kate back in and make her believe he didn't really love her, 'cause he's bailing on them too?

Fuck! His heart breaking at the thought of that happening again!

And he can't help but go there in his mind. To that dark place, where he is no good for anyone. It's like a fail-safe for him. Always playing with the possibility that the people he loves are better off without him. Thoughts of bailing on the whole deal he'd just made with Kate and Hurley cross his mind – because wouldn't it be better for her? And better for the kid too? Wouldn't it be better if he just stayed on the island and let her move on?

She's still young, beautiful, rich and involuntary famous too. She could meet someone. Someone with a nine to five job. Someone who could love her and this baby too. Someone good. Someone decent. Someone that would be there for the whole deal. Not just the now and again but the forever and ever part.

His heart physically hurts, as if someone is ripping little bits and pieces off and he's fighting for air now. Sighing heavily as his chest rises with the sharp intake of air. Has to blink the image of her in bed with some other guy away. And it's strange how that other man – in Sawyers mind - always seems to have a striking resemblance with the good old doctor. Always some Jack-look-alike getting busy with his girl. His wife!

The thought of her with another man is killing him – literally – like someone just struck him in the chest with something sharp! Emotional pain transforming into physical pain … undeniable the effect she has on him, it's not just all in his head!

He can't stop himself now from nudging her awake. Needs to be reassured … pathetic as he is when it comes to her. Grown ass man but insecure when it comes to this girl lying naked in his arms. Turning onto his side, hooking his leg over her now, his hands traveling her body and caressing her. A smile forming on her lips with her eyes still closed and she murmurs something, he can't really make out the words. His nose nudging hers, as he places little sloppy kisses on her lips. Little wet lipped smooches, making a smacking sound every time, and her grin grows wider and wider with every kiss from him.

His heart is racing again, and he thinks it might explode if he doesn't get this off of his chest right now. Kisses her again, and mumbles "You awake?" as his lips finally retreat from hers.

Her eyes open in slow motion and she has to blink a few times at the brightness in the room. After all, it is the middle of the day.

But the serious look on Sawyers face gets her attention. Her hand lifts off his chest and brushes his messy hair out of his face. Gently. And he just feels it in those innocent touches. Feels how much she loves him. It reminds him of all the times she took care of him, cleaned his wounds … the love for him so much more evident in those simple touches then all the times she fumbled with his belt and buttons.

His eyes are glued to hers as he returns the gesture, brushing her hair back with his long fingers. "I-I …"

And he chokes on the words. Him. Macho-man cowboy Casanova fucking chokes. But it only takes him a second to recover. A moment to man-up, "… I love you!" He finally brings out those three little words for lack of better wording. Wishes he hadn't overused those words with so many others, back when they didn't hold the same meaning as they do now. Now with her … Kate! Wishes he could think of something more to add, something that makes them stand out for her. Wants to make this crystal clear so that Cassidy can't make her think otherwise.

His hand fumbling with the sheet now, moving the white linen sheets aside and traveling down to her naked barely-there-bump. Her eyes following his hand as it rests just there on her lower abdomen, "And I love you too."His voice just barely above a whisper, but he can't fight the smile that creeps across his face at the sound of his own voice. Feeling just a tad bit like a dumbass for being so overly sappy today – if Miles could see him now – but he's rewarded with the look on Kate's face following his words of love to their unborn baby.

Kates smile is brighter then the room filled with sunshine. She's practically beaming, and he swears again that she never looked prettier … but then again, he'd sworn the same thing time and again before.

And now she's rendered speechless. Afraid to talk, knowing all too well that she'll just end up crying again like a damn waterfall. Hormones.

Yet the look on his face, longing and hopeful all the same, makes her change her mind. Her hand reaching up again, touching the side of his cheek. "I love you more."Her chin quivers, but she keeps the tears at bay, mainly due to his immediate reaction.

A slow smile … no, a grin with dimples on his scruffy cheeks, rolling himself on top of her, bracing himself above her on his arms, a demanding "Proof it" as he begins kissing her neck causing her to giggle out loud.

And then he just wraps himself around her, skin on skin, holding on tight, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck, smelling her, taking in her scent. Not kissing anymore or trying to seduce her, just savoring her. Engulfing her.

And she finds herself completely wrapped up in him, his strong masculine body pinning her to the mattress beneath her. Taking in his scent and feeling the warmth that's radiating from his body. The heat contagious and infectious. His breath on her skin and the sound of his breaths in her ear making her feel all warm and tingly inside.

Right then in that moment she has this epiphany about how much being with Sawyer has changed her after all. The old Kate would've felt trapped underneath this massive six foot man. Had it been any other man she would've panicked by now. Panicked for being helpless … easy prey. But there had always been something about Sawyer … something about James.

So instead she's at peace. She finds herself calmed by the weight of him. Shelled from the outside elements. Protected, like anything and anyone would have to go through him first to get to her. Like a body armor of flesh and blood. And she knows it isn't the first time she's felt this way around him. But it's the first time she found herself acknowledging it to herself that she truly trusts him. That even though he's hurt her emotionally, he'd never hurt her physically. Never do anything she didn't want him to do. He'd never be forceful with her. He'd never raise his hand to her. He'd never be like Wayne.

They'd managed to spend the entire day in bed making love, only interrupted by the occasional nap here and there. But mostly just wrapped up in one another, savoring every touch and every kiss as if it was their last.

They didn't talk. No, not really. Although both realizing they probably should talk at some point, but neither of them wanting to break the love spell they'd found themselves in, completely oblivious to anything that was happening outside Sawyer's bedroom walls. Oblivious to the fact that their last day together was slowly coming to an end.

* * *

><p>Sawyer pushed the sheets aside and poked his head out from under them, listening.<p>

Kate pushed herself up on her elbows, looking at him confused, "What?"

He shook his head, "Nuttin'", reached back to pull the sheet back over them, grinning, "Now, where were we?"

Kate giggled as she let herself fall back into the mattress and Sawyer began kissing her as they both disappeared back under the sheets.

This time the noise was louder and when Sawyer pushed the sheets back and perked his head out, Kate said, "I think someone's at the door."

"Yeah."He huffed annoyed as he climbed over her and out of bed.

Kate pulled the sheet up to her chest and watched him with a smile as he pulled his jeans up and buttoned them, turning and grinning at her, "You stay right there and keep the bed warm." He bend down to kiss her, "And I'll get rid of…" A loud knock interrupted him and he huffed annoyed, "Whoever that is."

Kate watched him disappear through the open bedroom door when another knock was heard throughout the house, and Sawyer yelled, "Hold your horses."

She heard the door open and snapped up in bed to a sitting position at the sound of Rose's voice. Holding her breath and straining her ears to hear what was being said, but to no avail. It only took her a second to climb out of bed, wrap herself in the sheet before she followed the voices to the front of the house.

Peeking around the corner into the living room, when Rose spotted her, "There she is."

Sawyer turned his head to look what caught Rose's attention, and a smile spread across his face at the sight of Kate. Her hair a complete and adorable mess, her cheeks tinted bright pink and her lips were swollen red from all the kissing they'd been doing. Not to mention the lack of clothing was something worth noting.

Kate pulled the sheet a bit tighter around herself, she hadn't anticipated to be seen. "Hi Rose," her voice sounding strangely shy to him, considering he'd had her moaning loudly and unabashed not too long ago.

"Hi there Sweetheart." Rose said as she pushed past Sawyer and walked into the house, clutching a casserole dish covered with aluminum foil in front of herself. Walking into the kitchen, clearly unaffected by the state of undress she'd found the young couple in. She turned back to Sawyer, "You can shut that door now, honey. Wouldn't want the whole neighborhood to see her just wrapped up in a sheet, now would we?"

Sawyer rolled his eyes at the older woman's remark, shutting the door and letting out a sarcastic, "Why don't you come on in?"

But Kate just smiled shyly, trying to think of an explanation for the way she looked that didn't sound as embarrassing as the truth, but coming up with nothing, she just shyly pushed a stray curl behind her ear.

Rose shot Sawyer a look at his sarcastic invite, then looked back at Kate before she spoke, "As I was just telling James here, I fixed you guys something for dinner." Her eyes moving from Sawyer's approaching form back to Kates, then she continued with a grin, "I figured you guys might be otherwise occupied ..." Kate cheeks flushed anew as she glanced sideways at Sawyer who seemed unaffected by Rose's words. Then Rose placed the Casserole dish into the oven, turned it on, and said, "… since you're leaving tomorrow. It's nothing big, just lasagna. Takes about 20 minutes to reheat."

Kate looked at Sawyer, unsure of what to say "Oh … that's very sweet of you, thank you so much."

Rose waved her hand in the air, "Don't worry about it, honey. Like I said, check on it in 20 minutes, it should be hot enough by then." And with that she opened the front door to head back out, turning towards the couple one last time as she reached for the handle, "Now you guys have a good evening, and don't you head out without saying goodbye to us, Sweetheart."

Rose disappeared and pulled the door shut behind her before either one could even utter a response.

They both stood there as if frozen in place for a moment, before the unavoidable smile appeared on their faces again. She sighed, "I'm actually pretty hungry, you? We sort of skipped lunch."

"I'm starving." He said as he wrapped an arm around her waist to guide her back to the bedroom. "You wore me out."

"Guess I should put some clothes on then." Kate said with a grin as they both arrived at the bedroom door again.

"Or …" he drawled grinning back at her mischievously, "… we could see what we could get done in twenty minutes." And with that he grabbed and tossed her onto the bed with Kate letting out a loud shriek that could probably be heard all the way down to the beach.

* * *

><p>"Son of a bitch!" was all Kate could hear from the kitchen.<p>

And right as she was untangling herself from the sheet, Sawyer stepped back into the bedroom.

"What happened?" She asked when she saw that scolding expression on his face, and he just held up his hand.

"Burned myself getting the damn food out of the oven."

She noted the red mark on his finger, reaching for it, "Let me see."

Like a child graving the attention, he held completely still as Kate examined his 'wound' and kissed it.

A flash of sorts crossed before his eyes, how she would be with their child. How she would kiss their baby's pain away, when he or she got hurt. She'd be a great mom, no doubt.

"James?" She looked up at him confused, cause he wasn't listening, "Did you hear what I said?"

"What?" He answered, coming back from his daydream.

"I said, you should put ice on it, or at least hold it under some cold water."

He just waved the suggestion away, "I'm fine, baby. Anyway, let's eat."

He turned to leave again, as she said, "Can I borrow a t-shirt?"

"Yeah, sure. Top drawer." He pointed to his dresser, and then said, "I'll go set the table."

Sawyer left the room and Kate dropped the sheet, sauntered over to the dresser, pulled the top drawer open, retrieved the biggest t-shirt she could find and pulled it over her head quickly.

She closed the drawer again, and was just about to turn and leave when she noticed a tiny piece of orange fabric sticking out of the second drawer. Absentmindedly she pulled the drawer open just a gap, pushing the bit of clothing inside and had already shut the drawer again and turned towards the door, when her brain had caught up with her eyes and what she'd just glimpsed at.

It couldn't be, or could it?

She turned back towards the dresser, pulling it open rather quickly and stood there frozen in place, staring at the contents of the drawer in complete awe.

The orange fabric was a shirt she'd found in the wreckage and had worn several times while they'd camped out on their beach. Next to it laid a hairbrush – no correction, not just any hairbrush, her hairbrush – the one she'd traded Sawyer for shortly after the crash, still with some of her hair in it. A water bottle that used to belong to her. Her plain old faded cotton bra, along with some panties. A stack of photographs, from their wedding, honeymoon and other occasions, all wrapped up in her blue garter she'd worn on their wedding day.

Then her eyes fell onto something she thought she'd never see again. Tom's little toy airplane.

She reached for it, picked it up, turning it in her hands as if she was looking at it for the very first time, "That's impossible. Where did he find it?" She whispered to herself.

And just when she regained her composure, her eyes fell onto something else in the back of the drawer and she was awestruck once again.

* * *

><p>He'd set the table for them. Had actually found a blue linen tablecloth in the cupboard, along with matching napkins. Two plates, silverware, cups, the lasagna. And some bread too, cause he remembered how she likes to clean her plate with a slice of bread, soaking up every last bit of sauce.<p>

And when he actually puts two candles on the table and lights them even though it's not even dark outside yet, he wonders to himself when he'd turned into such a girl.

But then he remembers that it's their last night together for god knows how long. Their last dinner together, and those thoughts make the nicely set table all worthwhile.

Then he looks down at himself, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers as he mumbles to himself, "Maybe I should've put some pants on."

With that thought he walked back down the hall, hollering, "What's taken so long, peaches?" as he reaches the bedroom to pull on a pair of jeans himself.

The sight of her stops him in his tracks. Finds himself speechless standing in the doorframe staring at her in surprise. Never had he imagined to see her like this again.

The thin spaghetti straps of the flower print summer dress were completely hidden by her long curly locks. It was like she'd stepped out of one of his dreams. The one where she's brought to her cage with tears in her eyes, and he was too big of a coward to ask her what they'd done to her.

"_You okay, Freckles?"_

"_Ja, you?"_

"_Just swell. I requested that cage, but whatever?"_

"_Nice dress."_

"_They made me wear it." _

Those words stung like it was yesterday as they come back to the forefront of his mind, but then he also remembers how he'd managed to get her to smile at him and offering her his very first fish biscuit.

But now she stood there. Here in his bedroom like this. The only thing missing was a pair of flip flops on her feet to complete the picture. It's been over four years since that moment, and in awe he realizes that she hasn't changed at all.

With her in that dress, she looks exactly like she did on that day and yet she's so different. They both are. He's her husband. She is his wife, carrying his child. It doesn't get any more different then that.

She startles him out of his thoughts once again when she finally speaks up from the other side of the room, "Where'd you find it?"

"The cages." He answers truthfully.

She smoothes down the fabric of the skirt, eyeing it like a long lost treasure, "You washed it? It smells real nice."

"Yeah, … couple times actually. Some stains wouldn't come out." He speaks almost in a whipser, she just took all the fight out of him, the moment he saw her in that dress. Fuck!

She steps towards him, "Ready to eat?"

Sawyer just nods, and then remembers that he came here to put some jeans on. Reaches for his pants on the floor, steps into them quickly and follows her down the hallway while zipping up his zipper.

A smile spreads across her face when she sees the lit candles, and she turns to look up at him. He returns her smile and then pulls out her chair for her as if they were in some nice restaurant in L.A. instead of barefoot in Dharmaville.

They begin to eat. In silence first but then slowly begin to talk about everything but her upcoming departure, the baby or the dress. They share endless looks with each other across the table, an undeniable tension building between them with every passing second.

After they're done eating, Kate insists on cleaning up even though Sawyer keeps telling her he can do that later. But she's determined to not leave a mess behind for him and proceeds with rinsing off the dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher.

Sawyer stands just a few feet away, leaning against the kitchen counter, unable to take his eyes off of her. The tension in the room so thick, that it could be cut by a knife, a fact that doesn't go unnoticed by Kate.

She shuts the dishwasher, takes the dishtowel and wipes down the few water drops that have splashed onto the counter around the sink. Unable to hold back any longer, she turns her attention to Sawyer and asks, "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

His feet crossed by his ankles, and his arms crossed across his bare chest, he tries to laugh it off, smiling, asking back, "How am I looking at you?"

"You know ... like that." She pauses to assess him and then herself, then adds, "It's the dress, isn't it?"

He swallows the lump in his throat, cocks his head to the side, his face grows serious and he realizes after a long moment that he hasn't answered her yet. Then he just admits, being caught off guard, "It looks good on you!"

Her shoulders slump in a surrendering notion as she throws the dishtowel onto the counter haphazardly, "I shouldn't have put it on." She almost stutters, "I-I … I just … I was just so surprised that you had this drawer full of my stuff, and then I saw the dress and …"

Her words are cut short by his lips on hers. So fast and furious, she should be used to this by now, yet she hadn't anticipated this at all.

The kiss! So slow and passionate and sexy … another thing she should be used to by now, but she hasn't build a tolerance to his kisses yet. It seems to last a lifetime and Kate can feel herself get dizzy from the impact his kisses still have on her. The only thing keeping her on her feet at the moment are his strong arms holding her to him.

She has her eyes closed, and all the while his lips and tongue are still working their magic, she can feel her feet no longer touching the ground and he's moving her across the room. She's secretly hoping he's bringing her back to bed, but that wish is cut short when he stops, and releases her lips.

Reluctantly she opens her eyes to find herself right next to the dining room table. Sawyer leans past her and blows the candles out, so fast that little splatter of hot wax land onto the linen tablecloth. And as if she hadn't guessed his intentions by now, they are made perfectly clear when he shoves the candles out of the way in one quick swoop of his arm. The metal part of the candle holder makes a loud noise as it hits the hardwood floor beneath them, at least it sounds loud in contrast to his and her breathing.

Her eyes lock with his and he grins back at her, his intentions written all over his face. Her head is spinning when his hands grip her waist on each side and lift her onto the edge of the table. Pressing himself in between her legs, one hand on her breast while the hand with the still bloody knuckles disappear in her hair, forcing her lips to his one more time.

It's moments like these when she doesn't even recognize herself anymore. It's moments like these when she's so overcome with emotions and the need to feel him even closer that she can feel herself blush with the dirty thoughts that are running through her mind. Thoughts that she'd never admit out loud, but thoughts none the less that always resurface when he looks at her a certain way, or touches her like this, or kisses her like that. It's like she has a switch somewhere and he's found it, knows how to activate it and make her own actions not her own anymore. Like her body isn't her own anymore, she's under his spell.

It's exactly that thought that crosses her mind, when her hands travel down Sawyers bare chest and find themselves opening his jeans.

But then she has to smile against his lips, when he gasps the very moment her hands push down his jeans and slip into his boxers, quickly finding and retrieving what she was looking for.

His massive erection in her hands, she strokes him and he growls this low throaty sound that turns her inside into mush. She looks up at him and bites her lip at the way he throws his head back and his lips part again moaning. And she's mesmerized because she can do that to him. Her actions, her hands are doing that to him, and it empowers her beyond believe. Gives her a boost of confidence she desperately needs when she's going head to head with the master of seduction.

But before she knows it, his lips are back on hers, both fighting for the upper hand.

From then on it's just a whirlwind of emotions and touches. One of his hands snaked beneath her dress and found it's way between her thighs. She moans at the first contact which only spurts him on to continue with his caresses. She finds herself pressing into his hand, wanting more needing more.

Breaking away from his kiss just long enough to meet his eyes. She moans a whispered "Love me." And that is all it takes for him to hike up her skirt. Then with one hand on her ass to keep her in place, he nudges her thighs even further apart as he guides himself into her in one fluid motion.

They both moan in unison at the first contact, and with every thrust from him thereafter. He lowers her down onto the table, her hair falling like a halo around her head while he keeps on thrusting into her with perfect rhythm. Her entire body is rocking back and forth in front of him, her perfect round breasts moving deliciously along, threatening to spill out of her dress at any second. Her mouth agape while looking up at him, holding his intense gaze, as they both move closer to succumbing ecstasy.

Then he reaches down, his hand reaching into her hair and pulling her back up towards him. He keeps on thrusting while he adjusts his and her position. She wraps her arms around his neck, longing to kiss him and moaning even louder at the new angle he's found for them. Bliss!

It is over too soon. He carries her to the couch where they both lie spent in each other's arms. His back against the back of the couch, her back against his bare chest, along with the rest of her body flush against his. His arm curled around her waist with his hand resting on her flat stomach, holding her tight, as if he's afraid she'd vanish if he didn't keep his hand on her the entire time.

And for the first time she dares to bring up the topic they've avoided since they'd began making love earlier today.

"I'll miss you so much." She says, without even turning around. She's too afraid she might start crying if she looks at him right now.

He sighs audibly and pulls her even closer to him, "Me too, Freckles."

And unbeknownst to them, they are thinking the same thing in the same moment. Both of them wishing they didn't know what it was going to feel like … but they both do. They both remember vividly how much it hurts to be apart from each other. They both had lived with that pain and longing for each other already for three long years.

* * *

><p><strong>End Note: <strong>So, what do you all think? Too sappy, too fluffy for all you skaters out there? Is anyone even still reading? Please let me know what you all think and if you care to read how this story ends. Thank you!


	41. Chapter 41 Skate is fate!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p><span>Author's Note<span>: The final chapter is here. It's incredibly sappy and cheesy and much longer then I had intended it to be, so be warned. I also have to warn you all about Juliet being in this chapter as well, just a little heads up. I hope you all like it anyhow. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>They held each other close and slept for a while on that couch. When they woke up the house was completely dark. Realizing that day had turned into night and they were running out of time together, they made love again. They kissed and loved and cherished every moment with each other.<p>

Most of the other houses were dark; just a few random ones here and there still had a light on. Sawyer didn't know what time it was, but he didn't really care if anyone would mind when he picked up the candles and lit them again, then turned on the music, held out his hand to her like he had on their wedding day and asked her to dance. He'd played the romantic for so many of his marks before, but for once it wasn't an act. This time he was being genuinely romantic for Kate … for his wife.

Had she not already been helplessly in love with him, he would've definitely closed the deal when he put on some Patsy Cline for her. At first being all "Didn't even know I had Patsy in my island collection!" to which Kate rolled her eyes and responded sarcastically, "Yeah, right!" which led to him eventually admitting that he'd sit here alone and listen to this cd, thinking about her and wondering what she was up to in L.A. … wondering if she was listening to it too.

She just nodded at that and they both grew silent after Sawyers heartfelt admission and just swayed to the music. She couldn't bare the pain that shot through her heart, nor could she admit to him that she'd listened to Phil Collins instead … the memory just too fresh and incredibly painful in her mind when she had thought he was really dead.

So, he held her in his arms with her head tucked under his chin while they barely moved their bare feet to the music.

She always listened to Patsy Cline and he'd gotten used to it, even knew a few random lyrics here and there, but he'd never really paid much attention to the words until he was all alone and missing her. So he knew just which song to choose to play into the melancholy they were already feeling.

" _See the pyramids along the Nile  
>Watch the sunset on a tropic isle<br>Just remember darlin' all the while  
>You belong to me "<em>

_" See the market place in old Algiers  
>Send me photographs and souvenirs<br>Just remember when a dream appears  
>You belong to me<br>I'd be so alone without you  
>Maybe you'd be lonesome too an' blue "<em>

_" Fly the ocean in a silver plane  
>See the jungle when it's wet with rain<br>Just remember 'till you're home again  
>You belong to me "<em>

_" I'd be so alone without you  
>Maybe you'd be lonesome too an' blue "<em>

_" Fly the ocean in a silver plane  
>See the jungle when it's wet with rain<br>Just remember till you're home again  
>You belong to me "<em>

Somehow they'd found their way back to bed, and somehow they'd even managed to get some sleep. But with dawn and the rays of sun shining through their bedroom window, they both woke up with the same sad notion. That today would be their last day together … and they didn't know when they'd see each other again.

So the day started out with an utterly endless list of last times roaming through their minds … last kisses, last hug, last time making love … and neither of them wanted to admit that the end was near when they fell back into the pillows and got entangled in each other once more.

* * *

><p>Touching her pink cheeks, noting the fading hickey and her blotchy skin at her neck where Sawyer's beard had scratched her almost raw, "I look awful."<p>

He snug behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, locking eyes with her reflection in the mirror, "You never look awful, Freckles. You look …" Pausing for a moment for the right choice of words, but not finding them he said the first thing that popped in his mind, "You look nice and fucked." His romantic side had apparently disappeared like a bloodsucker with the first rays of sunshine.

She turned in his arms and gave him a look that could kill, but he just laughed out loud at his own comment, "What? You do … but in a good way."

"I look fucked, but in a good way?" She asked staring him to the ground.

"Come on, Freckles. Let's not have a fight about this. You look perfect." Pulling her back into his arms and turning her attention back to her own reflection in the mirror that was slowly beginning to fog up.

"Look at you, hon' …" his hand caressing her collarbone in a way nobody has ever touched her there, "You're gorgeous. There ain't nothin' 'bout you that don't do somethin' for me."

And with that he pulled her into the steaming shower with him … maybe for the last time!

* * *

><p>She got dressed in practical clothing, comfy pants and shirts, nothing fancy. Thinking ahead for the hike to the Orchid, and furthermore the days ahead in Tunisia and wherever else her journey would lead her on her way back to Los Angeles, when she packed her backpack in silence that morning.<p>

Sawyer was in the kitchen, preparing some food and water for their hike later while Kate found herself alone in his bedroom once again. A sudden wave of melancholy washed over her as she took in her surroundings in silence.

This was the same bedroom, although sans pictures, books and with different furnishings altogether, that they'd had that terrible fight in all those years ago. And even though she didn't want to dwell on bad memories at this particular moment, she couldn't help but wonder – like she had so many times before – how or even if things had been different if she'd told him the truth on that morning.

People make mistakes. People say or do things in the spur of the moment that they don't mean. After all, she was sort of an expert at that. She had made a near endless list of such mistakes in her life.

So yeah, Sawyer had reacted poorly with his exaggerated sigh of relief and happy outburst that she was in fact not pregnant. And yes, he had explained to her time and again since then that he was relieved to know that she wasn't going to die. But in hindsight, had she then just told him how she'd come to know that she wasn't pregnant. Had she told him that she had been pregnant but had lost the baby … their baby.

Thinking about it all now it seems downright impossible that he wouldn't have been remorseful himself. Impossible to think that he wouldn't have been ashamed of his own words, he would've apologized and consoled her. And she would've been able to cry in his arms for the loss of their child. Thinking about it now, she could envision his strong arms wrapped around her and could practically hear his voice whispering in her ear as he held her, one of his usual attempts to get her to crack a smile, the optimist seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. "At least you're not going to die, Freckles. That's something, ain't it?"

But that wasn't what happened. By keeping quiet and not telling him the whole truth, she changed the outcome. And then when he dared to accuse her of picking a fight to have a reason to leave … hell, he'd been so right about her that her pride had prevented her from doing anything but his prediction. Run!

She'd changed what could've been. Her mind goes on and on, going over all the 'what if's' in her head, the ones she's too ashamed of to ever speak. What if she'd told him? What if she'd stayed? What if she'd been there when Claire, Miles and he were finding their way back to the beach? What if Claire had never gone missing with her there to keep watch?

But that was as far as she'd let her mind wonder … because she still didn't think it would've changed him jumping from the helicopter. She knows he still would've done it.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips when she saw the dress lying on the foot of the bed. She reached for it, held it up to her face to take in the scent of his laundry soap again and smiled to herself when all she could smell on it now was him. Then she stepped over to the dresser and placed it back where she'd found it the day before, hoping that he'll find it and think of her in that dress. Not the cages anymore, but her here in his house in that dress. Much better memories, she thought and no longer regretting that she wore it.

With the dresser drawer still open, she reached into the back pocket of her pants and pulled out two colorless sonogram photos of their unborn child. Without any hesitation she placed one of the pictures on top of her folded dress, so that it couldn't be missed by him, then put the other one back into her back pocket.

Her eyes fell onto the small toy plane once again and she couldn't stop her hand from picking it up. Once this little plane was all she had left of Tom, and yet somehow it seemed so incredibly tragic that Sawyer held it as a treasure now because it was one of the few things he'd left of her. She let out a sob at that thought and quickly covered her mouth with her hand, trying to not let Sawyer hear her cry again. Kate stared at the plane for a long moment before returning it to the drawer as well.

* * *

><p>Reluctantly Sawyer walked out of Ben's office, a small room in the large building that used to be the school back in the real dharma days. He didn't want to leave Kate out of his sight for a second, definitely not for an hour while Ben and Hurley were informing her on all the things to come once she arrived in Tunisia. But Ben and Hurley both agreed that they'd get this done and over with much faster if Sawyer wasn't there to distract and second guess every decision they'd made concerning Kate's safe return back to Los Angeles. So Kate had reassured him that she would be fine, while Ben added, "I'm sure she'll tell you everything we've discussed on your way to the Orchid." Before he closed the door in Sawyer's face.<p>

So what now? He wondered as he found himself standing outside, surrounded by perfect little yellow houses. He didn't feel like going back to his house, he'd have to spend enough hours there by himself once she was gone for good.

The thought of getting some rest crossed his mind. A grin spread across his face at the reasons why he'd been lacking sleep, when a voice behind him startled him out of his dirty thoughts, "Where's your better half? She didn't leave yet, did she?"

Sawyer turned at the sound of the familiar friendly voice, greeting Bernard with a subtle nod of his head, "She's getting the lowdown on her all- inclusive Tunisia vacation package."

"Ah." Bernard replied and nodded in understanding, then groaned as if he was in pain when he sat a fairly large tub down by his feet, filled with fresh fish.

"Do you think you can give me a hand with this?" He nodded towards the tub and without wording a reply, Sawyer simply grabbed one side of the tub while Bernard grabbed the other and together they carried the fish back to Bernard's and Rose's house.

"Caught them all this morning?" Bernard said with pride in his voice as they sat the tub down in his kitchen. "You're more than welcome to take a few home, if you want? I'm sure you're getting tired of all this dharma food too. Every now and then you just need to have something fresh, don't you think?"

Sawyer nodded absentmindedly. Restocking his fridge and pantry was clearly the last thing on his mind.

Seeing the look of despair on Sawyers face, Bernard felt sorry for the younger man standing in front of him. "Did I ever tell you that Rose was sick too?"

Sawyer eyes met his in surprise, questioning.

Bernard nodded, pulled out a chair and suggested with his hand for him to take a seat at his kitchen table while he added, "Cancer … same as Kate."

He hadn't intended on staying but somewhat curious about Bernard's admission he sat down. "What happened?" The question left his lips without much thought behind it, playing into the much needed distraction from Kate's imminent departure that Bernard was currently providing.

"She got better." Bernard simply stated, well aware of Sawyer watching him as he prepared a cutting board, knife, containers and other utensils to begin gutting the fish at the table.

Sitting down himself, knife and fish in hand, he went on about his task of cleaning the fish, finally looking up at Sawyer, "She swears up and down this island healed her, and I suppose after everything that happened, guess it's a fair assumption that she's right."

Sawyer studied the older man for a moment, wondering to himself why he was even still sitting here, when Bernard continued. "You know, at your age I was still a perpetual Bachelor with no intention on settling down."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows in surprise, actually smiling for a moment when he said, "Is that so?" For the life of him he couldn't picture Bernard without Rose.

Bernard nodded, waving the knife in the air as he spoke, "Oh, I just hadn't met the right woman yet." He smiled, "I had been a bachelor for fifty-six years, before I finally met Rose."

Sawyer didn't say anything, just waited for Bernard to continue. "Her car was stuck in the snow and I helped her out. And before I knew it, I found myself standing in a jewelry story looking at rings."

Sawyer smiled at that, remembering himself standing in a jewelry story in L.A., trying to find the perfect ring for Kate.

Bernard chuckled then and added, "And let me tell you, it wasn't easy picking a ring for her. I mean, twenty-something's are easy to impress with just about any piece of jewelry, but someone who'd been around the block a few times … well, that's not that easy now, is it?" He raised his eyebrows as he studied Sawyer and seemed relieved when the younger man nodded his head with him in agreement.

Bernard focused his attention back on the fish, "We'd known each other for five month when I proposed and you know what she said?" He looked at Sawyer as if he was actually waiting for him to answer.

To his surprise, Sawyer did, "I assume she said yes."

"Wrong!" Bernard exclaimed with a shrill sound, "She said that she was dying. Told me that she had cancer and that she had only a year left to live. And then,… then after I pressed for an actual answer, she finally said yes."

Now Sawyer was speechless, a feeling of unease spreading through him. "So you were going to marry her, even though you knew she was sick and dying?"

Bernard nodded, "Yes, I did." He looked up and met Sawyers gaze, "And boy am I glad I did."

Silence filled the room quickly when neither of them dared to speak.

Bernard continued cleaning the fish as he suddenly spoke up again, "We were in Australia for our honeymoon. But I had another agenda when I took her to Australia." Bernard continued without giving Sawyer a chance to interrupt, "I took her to this faith healer … or magic healer, whatever you wanna call him. Isaac of Uluru, that was his name." He shared a look with Sawyer and said, "Yeah, I know. Of course Rose thought I was crazy for believing in such nonsense as a faith healer, but she went and saw the man anyway. She did it for me." Bernard let out a heavy sigh, "She lied to me then, said that she thought that it worked. Pacified me by saying that she was cured. It wasn't until we came here, that she finally told me the truth. Said that this place here really healed her and not Isaac of Uluru."

Sawyer had heard enough. All of this was just hitting too close to home. Kate. Her cancer. The island. And now the baby. He needed to get out of there, so he pushed his chair back to get up, "I guess I better get going, she might be done already, wondering where the hell I am."

Bernard put down the knife and fish, wiping his hands on a rag as he stood up himself, surprising Sawyer when he said, "You do know that this isn't over." A hint of confusion on Sawyers face made Bernard elaborate, "Just because she's leaving and you're staying right now, doesn't mean it's over for the two of you."

Sawyer standing there didn't really know what to say to that, he was willing to listen to Bernard talk about Rose, yet he had no intentions of pouring his heart out to the older man in return. Sure, he did remember the whiskey loosening his tongue on the night when Kate decided to head through the jungle to Bernard's and Rose's old cabin … and yeah, he had talked about their relationship then but he just couldn't have a repeat of that night. Definitely not stone-cold sober over some stinking gutted fish.

But before he could say anything or dismiss Bernard's words of unwanted wisdom altogether, he was already speaking again, "There's still a chance for a happy ending for you both. Don't ever give up on your dreams that easily, that's all I'm saying." Then he chuckled as he added, "It's quite ironic that in life the person that brings out the best in you and makes you strong is actually your biggest weakness."

Sawyer just stared back at Bernard until he found his voice again, "Look, I appreciate ya'll worryin', but we'll be fine. I made a choice and I'm stickin' with it. I won't take any chances with her health. And besides, Hurley's already agreed to let me go off island every now and then to see her and the kid, so that'll have to do."

Bernard's eyebrows raised in confusion, "What kid? You mean Aaron?"

Surprised Sawyer looked away, he had figured by now the news about their bun in the oven had made the rounds. After all, Hurley had never been able to keep a secret for longer then it took him to down a bucket full of fried chicken. But none the less, the cat was out of the bag, so Sawyer just raised his eyebrows himself and a grin tugged at the corner of his lips in a 'you didn't know' kinda way and said, "No, not Aaron. Our kid, Kate's pregnant."

Bernard's surprised look turned into one of pure happiness, as if he had just told him they all won a million bucks. "That is … that is … Congratulations. That's just wonderful!" He held out his hand for a moment for Sawyer to shake it, but then retrieved it again realizing it was still slightly covered in fish-guts, "Well, I'd shake your hand but …." He held it in the air to emphasize his point, and Sawyer just nodded.

"Anyway." Sawyer turned halfway towards the door, "I better get going."

"Sure. Sure." Bernard said, still beaming of pure joy, "Don't forget to bring her by here before you all take off today."

"I will." Sawyer said before he pulled the front door shut behind him.

Bernard sat back down at his table and reached for the next large fish in the tub. "A baby," he said out loud to himself, "Rose is going to love this."

He placed the knife strategically along the bottom side of the fish and cut it open, reaching in to pull the contents out, he retrieved his hand in surprise.

Reaching for the rag, he cleaned his finding and looked at it in awe. "Now would you look at that, boy," Bernard said in the direction of Vincent, who was lying on the floor in front of the coffee table. The dog just raised his head for a second, but uninterested got comfortable again for his mid morning nap.

* * *

><p>Sawyer swung his long leg over and off the four-wheeler and helped Kate along. The foliage was thicker along this path and they had no other option then to walk from here on out. But thanks to the vehicle, they were making good time.<p>

Heavy heartedly she'd said her goodbye's to Rose and Bernard and even Vincent earlier. She had also hugged Hurley and Frank goodbye, but she knew that she'd see them again, and Ben too.

So here they were, trekking through the always green jungle alongside each other, like they've had done countless times before. Sawyer was a just a step ahead of her, holding leaves and branches out of her way while she followed close behind him. There was just something about little gestures like this that had her stomach doing flips inside.

She'd always prided herself in not needing a man. She'd never need a man like her mother had needed Wayne. But here she was with Sawyer and hell if she didn't need him more than anything else in the world.

They had been walking for at least a good two hours when he slowed down a bit and reached for her hand, "How ya' feelin'?"

Kate looked up at him, and smiled because he'd asked her that at least a hundred times since they had left the four-wheeler behind, "I'm fine James."

He shrugged, "I'm just saying, if you need a break, all you gotta do is say so."

She sighed, "I know. And I will tell you when I need a break."

Sawyer glanced at the sun in the east, barely visible through the threes rising high above them. "Hurley said to radio him once we're there, and he'll radio us when it's time for you to spin their wheel of fortune. He said it probably won't be until late tonight though."

Kate looked up at him, "So if we get there early enough, then we'll have some time to ourselves before I have to leave?" She tried to keep her look as innocent as possible, but Sawyer could see right through her.

He grinned back at her, "That's why you're in such a hurry to get there, Freckles?"

She shrugged, "I'm just saying."

"Yeah, I hear what ya' saying alright." He smiled at her and she couldn't help the pink that rose to her cheeks when she smiled back at him as they hurried along. With a mischievous smile he added, "If you need a break, just say so, alright. 'Cause you ain't no use to me if you pass out from exhaustion once we get there. I prefer your eager participation, Freckles."

She grinned as she lowered her gaze to avoid his eyes on her, her cheeks turning bright red when she mumbled, "I bet you do."

* * *

><p>Kate unfolded the piece of paper so that Sawyer and she could read the instructions and little map Ben had prepared for them.<p>

As instructed they climbed through a hole into the abandoned greenhouse, turned right, 20 paces and looked for a flower named anthuriums to their left. A small sketch drawn by Ben as to what the flower actually looked like helped them eventually spot the patch of anthuriums and with them the hidden switch to activate the elevator.

They crammed into the elevator, and began their descent when Kate looked up at him with amusement sparkling in her eyes.

"What?" he inquired.

"I just figured as 'Head of Security' you'd know about every secret switch and door on this island."

He snorted somewhat offended, "I know enough."

"Sure." She stated without an ounce of conviction in her voice.

He had to smile a little at her tone of voice, "You've got something on your mind, princess?"

She smiled up at him again, hesitating only for a second before the words just tumbled out of her mouth as if she'd had them recited in her head already, "I'm just saying, you didn't even know about the security room with the cameras and guns on Hydra Island. And you didn't know what to do once that water had flooded the basement of that building. If it hadn't been for me, we would've never gotten out of there, Mr. Head-of-Security." She waved her hand to suggest to their surroundings, "And clearly, you had no idea how to get to this elevator. I mean, if anything ever happened to Ben, nobody would ever find their way down here again."

After what seemed like the longest elevator ride of their life, the elevator finally came to a stop and the door disappeared into the ceiling in a fashion Sawyer and Kate have only seen in movies before. As they stepped out of the metal cage like entrapment, Sawyer suddenly continued their conversation and spoke up in his defense, "First of all, Hydra Island was out of my jurisdiction back in the seventies. They had their own security over there, doing their underwater research, animal experiments and such. And second, Mrs. Know-it-all, this place here wasn't even built when we left the seventies behind us. And yeah, since I've been back on the island, I haven't had a reason to stop by here and say 'howdy-doody' to the anthuriums."

Kate didn't answer him; instead she just stood still in the hallway and observed her surroundings rather wearily with her flashlight in hand.

Sawyer looked around the place as well, flipping several switches in an attempt to get all the lights to come on. He succeeded and gave Kate a look as if he was trying to prove a point, but she just chuckled and rolled her eyes, pointing to the sign above the switches that clearly stated 'Lights'!

He grunted in disappointment as he followed her down the hallway to scope the place out. His eyes traveled down her small frame walking ahead of him, when his eyes lingered on her hips swaying with every step she took. A smile crept across his face when he said, "Well, I'm sure glad there're some things you do need me for, Freckles."

"Like what?" she spat back, giving him a humored look over her shoulder.

He reached out for the straps of her backpack, pulled them off her shoulders in one swift motion, before he turned her to face him and pulled her in for a kiss. One hand was hooked behind her neck, holding her lips to his, while the other hand traveled down her back to her cup one butt cheek, pulling her groin to his.

Kate broke from the kiss and let out a gasp when she felt his erection pressing against her, but Sawyer just smiled before he kissed her again.

Sawyer released her lips to kiss a trail down her neck, she sighed before she found her voice again, straining to speak against the sensation his mouth was starting against her skin, "We've been at it pretty much all day yesterday, and at least half the night. I –. "He cut her words off with a scorching kiss to her lips.

His voice was surprisingly light when he broke away to answer, "You should be used to it by now, Freckles. I'm like that pink bunny with the drum … I'll just keep going and going."

They both stumbled into a room, looking for a suitable place to proceed.

* * *

><p>Kate buttoned up her shirt that she wore over her tank top, scanning the ceiling of the room they'd made love in, but unable to find anything that resembled a lens or a camera. She turned towards Sawyer who was still sprawled out and naked on the couch behind her, she questioned him again, "You're sure?"<p>

He propped himself up to a semi-sitting position, reached for her hand to pull her closer, "Freckles, would I still be lying here butt ass naked if I thought there was a camera somewhere?"

He scooted to make room for her and she sat on the edge of the couch, smiling she leaned in to place an innocent kiss on his beautiful lips, "Probably. Modesty is my thing, not yours."

A big fat grin spread across his face, "You weren't too modest in my cage that time!" He stated suggestively, watching her intently for a reaction.

She straightened her back, but refrained from rolling her eyes, "I thought the camera was broke."

"Right!" He retorted, "But that would've warranted them to check up on us in person even more, don't you think?"

Her cheeks flamed hot with the knowledge that Sawyer was right. She had been so crazy for his touch, so consumed with the fear of losing him, that she threw all caution and modesty aside and had actually done the deed with him on the ground of a filthy bear cage, in broad daylight and for all the by-passers to see.

He had just meant to toy with her. Rile her up a bit. After all, arguing with her was almost as much fun as making love with her. And he'd almost laughed out loud when he saw her already pink cheeks turn bright red right before him, but the laugh died down in his throat when he saw the expression cross her face. He didn't exactly know what she was thinking, but he could take a pretty good guess.

"Hey." He blurted out, and propped her chin up with his hand to turn her attention to his, locking his eyes on hers, "Don't even think about it, Sweetheart!"

"Think about what?" She questioned, avoiding his eyes again.

"Don't you let your mind take that little stroll there and start regretting what we did in that cage, you hear me?" His voice was raised and she could tell that he wasn't joking.

She batted her lashes, avoiding his gaze; she hesitated but then spoke out anyways, "We could've been caught with our pants down in the most literal sense of the phrase. We shouldn't have been so reckless."

An angry growl escaped his throat as he sat up, almost pushing her off the couch when he reached for his jeans on the floor. She watched him as he focused all his attention away from her, she could tell he was holding back not to yell.

There was no doubt that he was mad, when he pushed his feet into the legs of his jeans, then stood up to pull them all the way on. Zipping the zipper, buckling the belt, he didn't bother with his shirt when he walked barefooted back out into the hall, leaving her behind … still sitting on that couch.

She sighed loudly, regret filling her … she didn't want to spend the last couple of hours fighting with him. After a few moments, she realized he wasn't coming back, so she got to her feet and walked back out into the hallway herself. But all she found was his backpack, half its contents spilled haphazardly onto the cold cement floor, but Sawyer was nowhere in sight. She heard muffled voices coming from a room down the hall. She wearily walked down the hallway, following the noise, but her steps gained speed when she realized the voices she heard was her own and James'. He was watching the tape again.

Busting into the room, her eyes fell onto a small TV screen and a VCR underneath, but the screen didn't display anything when she walked in. Apparently Sawyer had just stopped the tape to fast forward it; she could hear a noise coming from the VCR.

She could see him stiffen at the sound of her voice, "What are you doing James?"

"Hold on." He said, without so much as looking at her, as he stopped the tape and pushed play again.

Her own body stiffened with fear as to what might be on that tape, but when her eyes fell on him and her in their cages, she couldn't help the strong emotions that seemed to overwhelm her. She stepped closer to him, close enough for her knees to touch him as he crouched on the floor in front of the little screen.

Neither of them spoke as they both tried to hear and remember this moment that played out on the screen before them.

A strange pain crept in her heart when she watched herself and him talking to each other through the bars of their cages … it had been so long ago, and yet it seems so heartbreaking all the same. She had been so scared back then, the only thing that kept her going was having him right there with her.

The screen turned black, and she realized that Sawyer had stopped it, and had pushed the fast forward button again.

"Wait!" She pleaded as she quickly crouched down on the floor beside him and reached out to push the play button herself.

But just as the picture came back to the screen Sawyers hands were on the controls again, pushing the stop button and fast forward button so fast, Kate hadn't even had time to blink.

She looked over at him, and all the anger seemed to have subsided again when his hand touched hers to stop her from pushing play once again, "Just a little bit more, Freckles."

Their eyes locked on one another and she nodded, then both turned their attention back to the screen when Sawyer started the movie again.

He sure had perfect timing; Kate thought when her eyes fell on herself being pushed into the bars by Sawyer while they were kissing.

Her cheeks flamed once again and she shifted uneasy beside him, but this time he let the movie play on.

Noting her fidgeting beside him, he sat down and pulled her towards him. He wrapped her in his arms, never taking his eyes off of the screen before them. And somewhat satisfied he noted that she didn't take her eyes off of it either.

Moments passed in complete silence when they both watched the couple on screen undressing each other and begin making love as if their lives depended on it.

Sawyer chose that moment to look at Kate. Her cheeks bright red, her lips looking puffy and raw from all the kissing they've been doing. He pulled her silky curls over her shoulder to expose her ear, leaned in and whispered, "Still think we were reckless, Freckles?"

Her eyes reluctantly left the screen and turned to look at the man holding her now. She hesitated again; her voice sounded small and was being overshadowed by the sounds coming from the screen, "I can't believe we did that. It wasn't even dark yet!" She crinkled her nose in the most adoring way.

He had to smile at the look on her face and what she'd said, then he turned his attention back to the screen and her eyes followed his gaze. Both remained quiet for a moment as they watched the rhythmic movement of Sawyers hips between Kates spread legs, as he was burying himself into her. Listening to the moans that were stifled by passionate kisses.

He leaned in again to whisper in her ear, but this time not taking his eyes off of the screen before him, "What do you see?"

She was flustered, to say the least. It was a strange out of body experience to watch something so intimate and she could feel every touch on her own skin as if it was happening right now. Come to think of it, it had been just moments ago that she'd felt like this.

She thought about his loaded question … what did she see?

She swallowed that lump in her throat. She didn't regret this. How could she even think for one second that this had been wrong? Doubting herself, she looked over her shoulder at Sawyer, raising the same question, "What do you see, James?"

His arms around her grew tighter as he pulled her back even closer into his still bare chest. He exhaled loudly, and she thought of it as an attempt to stall, which it was.

"You know, Freckles," he began. "Anyone watching this would probably see some … some pornographic value in it."

She jerked around to get a good look at him, every line on her face told him she was pissed that he would diminish that moment to something so repulsive. "Now hold on, I ain't done." He said in his own defense.

Nodding towards the screen, her focus shifted back to herself and him in the throes of passion.

"As I was saying," he continued, "Anyone else wouldn't see anything but two people going at it in a cage." Pausing he couldn't help but wonder if there was a market for that sort of thing, but one look at the screen and that look on Kates face while he was making love to her erased that inappropriate thought right out of his mind. And at the risk of sounding like he was whipped he said, "But I see a man in love with a woman, showing her just how much the best way he knows how … come rain or shine or others."

His arms were wrapped around her middle, and she found his hands and covered them with her own. Pushing her fingers in-between his.

It only lasted a second, before she peeled his hands off of her to loosen the tight grip he had around her waist. She freed herself from his arms, just enough to turn to face him. Their eyes locked and he quickly pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling him.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him, resting her head on his shoulder when his arms wrapped around her equally tight, pulling her slick against him. Chest to chest, groin to groin.

His arousal was obvious, but truthfully Kate couldn't blame him. Watching it all unfold on the little screen in front of them, she was sure he felt the same ache for her as what she was feeling for him.

But she needed this moment in his arms. To recollect her thoughts. To reflect on things long gone and to stop herself from denying what she'd known in her heart all along.

She was right to some degree, she thought to herself. That moment still ongoing on the monitor behind her was a moment of recklessness. And anyone with some sense of dignity and decency would have to agree that it was wrong to engage in something like that in broad daylight, with cameras and the likelihood of getting caught. And clearly that was what Jack and the others must have thought when they'd seen them.

But … but she no longer cared what Jack thought, or what anyone else thought for that matter. And with sadness she realized she never should've cared. There's no shame in making love to the man you love.

Lifting her head off his shoulder, she raised her lips to his ear and whispered, "Show me again how much you love me?"

* * *

><p>The concrete floor felt cold against her body, but she was too tired to even move an inch. He must've felt her shiver, because he tugged her closer to his side, raised his head enough to glance down her naked form and said, "Cold?"<p>

With her head on his shoulder she nodded sleepily, but didn't move or say anything.

He looked to the side, noting her clothes scattered throughout the room. He turned his head towards her, bending his neck awkwardly to kiss her forehead, "Maybe we should get dressed."

"Maybe." She answered him sleepily without even opening her eyes and still not moving from her position in his arms.

He ran his hand up her naked thigh that was hooked over his middle, rubbing it up and down to bring some heat to her skin when he heard the crackling sound of a radio and voice breaking the silence in the room.

In unison both their heads snapped up, turning towards the hallway. Both straining their ears to hear.

There it was again, a voice could be heard from down the hall, and stark realization sank in as to what it was.

"Shit!" Sawyer cursed, when he got quickly to his feet. Kate watched his naked form disappear around the corner as he yelled, "It's the walky, we forgot to call Hurley."

She could hear Sawyer talking to Hurley on the walky-talky while she collected her clothes and got dressed once again.

* * *

><p>Hurley could feel Bernard and Rose's eyes on him when he ended his conversation with Sawyer.<p>

"Sounds like they made it there alright." Hurley exclaimed in relief.

"Yeah, sounds like it." Bernard repeated.

There was silence in the air as they stood around Bernard's kitchen, the smell of fish so overwhelming, even though all the windows were propped open to let in a cleaning breeze.

The awkward tension in the room was broken when Rose finally spoke up, "Bernard and I have been thinking, Hugo. Maybe you should tell him the whole truth."

Hurley's curly hair fell into his face when he lowered his head in shame. "I know." He said as he sat down on a chair.

Bernard joined him and Rose at the kitchen table, then spoke up, "He was here this morning when Ben and you were talking to Kate alone. It's not hard to see that he's unsure about their future together. I couldn't -"

Hurley leaned forward, interrupting Bernard mid sentence, "See, but that's just the thing. I wouldn't be able to help with that. I don't know either what's going to happen or when. I just know that I know …" he paused, thinking how to word this right, "I just know that at some point I will know that he can go home, but if I tell him that he will just drive me insane until that day comes. And for all I know it could be next week or 15 years from now or 51 years from now… I just don't know … I know it's wrong to keep that from him, but I don't want to give him any false hope."

Bernard nodded his head, but Rose wasn't convinced, "its wrong, Hugo. No matter what your reasons are, it's just plain wrong. The man deserves the right to know that there will be an end to it all, even when we don't know when that will be. He deserves to have hope. Hope to be reunited with his wife for good. Something to hold onto. Something to keep his spirits up, or have you forgotten how he moped around this place after he first got here, before she arrived. The man is miserable; he needs something to hold onto. He needs to know."

After a long moment Hurley nodded, "You're right." Pushing the chair back to get up he looked first to Rose and then to Bernard, "Ben's not going to like this, he's all secrety and stuff, but I'm gonna do it. I'll go to the Orchid and tell him in person."

"What about Kate?" Bernard raised the question that Rose was just about to ask herself, when he stood to walk Hurley to the front door.

Hurley stood next to his chair and halted, thinking about it for a moment, "That's between him and her. If he wants to tell her, then that's his call, dude. Not mine."

And with that Hurley turned to leave the kitchen, Bernard followed him. In an attempt to lighten the mood he reached for the object on his kitchen counter and said, "Look what I found today when I gutted those fish."

Bernard held up a small silver band, decorated with just a single small diamond.

Hurley raised his eyebrows in surprise, "I didn't know fish eat stuff like that … did I ever tell you when my dog Buster crapped out a buck thirty-five in nickels." Giving Vincent the once over he pointed at the ring, "You better keep that thing away from Vince."

Bernard walked alongside him towards the front door, still holding the ring, "Too bad it doesn't fit Rose, it's too small."

Rose appeared next to them both out of nowhere, pulling the ring out of Bernard's grasp and held it out to Hurley when she said, "Take it."

Hurley looked confused, but before he could ask Rose explained, "He's not going to be happy you kept this from him all this time, honey. So you're gonna need something to give to him as a peace offering."

Hurley looked even more confused now, "You want me to give this ring to Sawyer?" When Rose nodded her head, Hurley just shook his before he said, "No offense, d-du … Rose, but don't you think he'll think that's kinda … you know, like gay?" In his mind he could already hear Sawyer's voice throwing a few new nicknames at him … something about Will and Grace seemed to be the reoccurring theme … in his mind!

Bernard smiled and Rose couldn't help the chuckle that left her throat, "No, Sweetheart, not for him from you. For him to give to Kate."

Hurley looked clearly relieved, "Ahhh." He sighed. That made a whole lot more sense, he thought. "Okay. Good idea." He said and reached for the ring that Rose was still holding out to him.

The moment his fingers touched the ring, something flashed before his eyes and Hurley jumped back in surprise.

Bernard reached out and touched the big man's shoulder comfortingly, "Hurley, are you alright?"

Hurley stared at the silver ring he held between his thumb and index finger, realization flooded his chubby face when he looked first to Rose, then back to Bernard and then sputtered, "I've gotta go."

* * *

><p>Fully dressed, they had finally inspected their surroundings in detail. They easily found the sliding metal doors. After following Ben's instructions they were able to open the doors and even walked past the hole in the wall behind it. But when they reached the point where they wouldn't be able to walk anymore and had to crawl on their hands and knees, they both decided they weren't going any further right now. Even though both were somewhat curious to see what 'the wheel of fortune' actually looked like, they didn't want to dwell on the inevitable departure any more then they had to.<p>

After having eaten some of the food Sawyer had packed for them, they now where stretched out on the sofa again, but this time fully dressed.

Deciding it would do them both good to take a little nap to recharge. He placed the walky-talky on the little side table next to the sofa. Making sure that the volume was all the way up and they wouldn't miss any calls, he sat it down, and then settled back down with Kate in his arms.

She opened her eyes and groaned inwardly. The crook of his arm was so nice and comfy and sleep was definitely needed at this point, but her bladder was about to burst.

Carefully not to wake him, she untangled herself out of his arms. She'd actually managed to do so without waking him, had slipped into her boots and was just about to leave the room, when Sawyer blindly reached for her. Finding nothing where she'd been just a moment ago, his eyes shot open and he saw her walking out of the room.

His voice was horse and sounded sultry when he said, "Hey, where you going?"

Startled she stopped and turned towards him, "Bathroom. I'll be right back, go back to sleep."

"Okay." He mumbled as he closed his eyes again, clearly still sleepy, "But hurry up, I don't sleep good without you."

She snickered at that, because he seemed to have fallen back asleep immediately.

Guess I wore him out, she thought as she walked down the eerie looking hallway alone.

She flushed the toilet rather wearily, hoping that the plumbing still worked. She washed her hands, and dried them with a paper towel before she stepped out of the small room again. Walking gingerly back down the hall, she stopped when she thought she'd heard something.

Instinctively she reached to the back of her pants, but her gun wasn't there. Cursing herself for leaving it on top of her backpack, which was sitting on the floor in front of the couch where Sawyer was currently napping. When she heard the sound again, she turned back around and headed towards the noise, away from where Sawyer and her gun was.

She slipped out of her boots; they made her footsteps too heavy and decided she couldn't be heard barefoot. She remembered clearly what was in those rooms down that hall. Sawyer and she had gone through every single one of them.

Instantly regretting leaving her boots behind when she came to the conclusion that it could only be a rodent that was making the noise. A mouse or a rat. She shuttered with the thought of either running over her bare feet, or worse, her stepping on either with bare feet.

She peeked into the room and nothing caught her eye. There was no one there. Scanning the floor for any movement of an animal, her eyes froze on a pair of bare feet that seemed to have appeared out of thin air and she was just about to let out a scream when the person soothingly shushed her. "Shhhhhhh."

The all too familiar voice was barely above a whisper. No doubt Sawyer couldn't hear her.

"Let him sleep." The blond woman said, "He looks so peaceful in his sleep."

Kate blinked a few times, but it didn't work. Juliet did not disappear like she would've hoped.

"You're not real." Kate blurted out, but instantly regretting to have addressed Juliet in such a form as if she was in fact real. Saying 'You're not real' instead of 'This isn't real' … rookie mistake, after all, this was her first ghost encounter.

Juliet stood as if she was frozen in place, "I'm sure you wish I wasn't." The venom in her voice was not missed by Kate.

"But …" Kate paused, looking over her shoulder towards the hall that led to Sawyer, she sighed, and then whispered, "But you're dead. I saw you're dead body." Images of Juliet lying in the dirt beside the van and Sawyer covering her lifeless body lovingly with a blanket flashed before her eyes. But then she also remembered Sayid waking from the dead. Could Juliet be alive again?

As if Juliet could read Kate's mind, she spoke up in her usual placid tone of voice, "Yes, you're right. I am dead."

"You're not real." Kate exclaimed and proceeded to turn around and leave the room. She was exhausted. The lack of sleep and the hurricane of hormones raging through her due to her pregnancy were causing her to have hallucinations. She was going to lie back down with her husband and enjoy what little time she had left to spend in the warmth of his arms. Some hallucination of Juliet was not going to keep her from James.

"Of course … Go. Run. After all, that's what you do best." Juliet's voice said quietly to Kate's retrieving form.

Those words stopped Kate dead in her tracks, turning back and walking closer towards the blond figure in front of her, Kate hissed, "You don't know me." Okay, so clearly she was either believing that Juliet was here or she was really losing her mind now. "Don't talk to me like you know anything about me."

"I know enough." Juliet spat back, but still with that aggravating monotone voice that had always grated on Kate's nerve. And on top of that, it instantly reminded her of Sawyer saying the exact same words to her earlier in the elevator, when she'd accused him of not knowing this island's secrets.

Kate stared at her. She wanted to run. She wanted to turn and leave and not think about Juliet, but that was exactly what would be expected. So Kate forced herself to stand still and not retrieve for once, ready to argue that Juliet did in fact not know her at all. Ready to prove her wrong.

But before Kate could even mouth a response to Juliet's stinging words, the blonde continued, "I know you were born and raised in Iowa. I know about your mother Diane. I know about your stepfather Wayne. I also know about your father Sam and I also know that he was not your real father. I also know who your real father was. I –"

Kate cut her off before she could say what she didn't want to ever hear spoken out loud again, "So you know about my family and where I grew up. That doesn't mean you know anything about me."

"I know you run from your problems, rather than dealing with them." Juliet said sternly, her eyes seemingly unblinking and trained on Kate's face. But Juliet continued, "Whenever something doesn't suit you, someone makes you uncomfortable or tests your loyalty, you run Kate. And that's a fact."

She snorted unladylike and unflattering at Juliet's words that hit just a little too close to home. It unnerved her that Juliet could be right, but then again, Kate didn't feel like she'd been that person for a while now, "I don't run anymore. It took me a while to get past my … my issues, but I don't run anymore Juliet." She turned again towards the door, "I'm going back to sleep."

"I'm not done talking to you." Juliet said quietly.

Kate looked over her shoulder, "But I'm done talking to you." And with that she walked out of the room, down the hall and back into the room where Sawyer was fast asleep.

She froze in the doorway, watching him sleep. Lying there all warm and inviting, but there was this nagging feeling that stopped her from crossing the room and settling back down in his arms.

This wasn't what she thought she'd say to her, not that she had ever really envisioned coming across Juliet's ghost. But this wasn't how she wanted to leave things with the blonde. She had a mere endless list of regrets that still haunted her from time to time. Things she could have done differently, things she didn't get to say … she didn't want to add one more thing to that list of regrets. Sighing, she turned back and walked back down the hall, wondering if she'd still be there.

As she stepped through the doorframe, Juliet came into view again. But this time Kate spoke up before Juliet could, "Look, I don't know why you're here. But there are some things I would like to say to you."

Juliet crossed her arms across her chest, nodding to suggest for Kate to go on.

Kate shuffled on her bare feet, trying to get her feet to stop itching with the need to get the hell out of there. She finally looked up and met the blondes' eyes, "I'm sorry you died." She swallowed hard, fighting back the lump in her throat, "I'm really sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry how it happened too. I should've just kept my mouth shut and let that sub leave the island." She paused and sighed deeply before she said, "I know he misses you."

That last sentence clearly caught Juliet of guard, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Could ghosts cry? Kate wondered to herself in awe. Was Jack somewhere crying about them too?

Juliet looked away as she wiped at her cheeks, but then focused her attention back to her. "I loved him so much." She wiped another tear away, "I tried not to fall in love with him, but I did and I loved him so much." She paused for a moment. "I've loved other people. I've been in love before, you know. And I also know that if things had gone differently, I would've never fallen in love with James. If things had gone right, I would've left the island with Jack a very long time ago …" She chuckled at the thought, "… and I would've probably lived happily ever after. But … but things happened like they did, and I wished that I could change it and make it all un-happen, but I can't."

Kate nodded in agreement. Clearly Juliet held just as many regrets as Kate did. A strange thought occurred to her then. Wondering to herself if Juliet and her could've been friends in another life.

She waited for a moment for Juliet to regain her composure before she asked, "Why are you here Juliet? What do you want from me?"

Juliet swallowed the lump in her throat, and new determination crossed her face when she said matter-of-factly, "It wouldn't have changed anything."

Kate clearly didn't understand, "What-"

But Juliet cut her off before she could ask the question in full, "The sub! If you hadn't said anything and we had left the island …" She paused and a strangled sob left her throat.

Juliet remembered Sawyer's stern voice and the look of determination in his eyes when he told Kate that he'd made his choice to leave and he was sticking to it. A pang shot through Juliet and she shook her head, willing the unpleasant thoughts and memories to disappear, because she knew he was lying.

Juliet lifted her gaze to meet Kate's eyes, "They'd found Phil in our closet, they found the tape, they knew you and him had taken Ben out to the hostiles. They wanted to know where the hostiles lived. They wanted to know where you were. They were beating him, torturing him but he refused to tell them anything. They even threatened to kill him, but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't say a word; instead he just took hit after hit to his face … even asked me not to say anything … for you."

Juliet stilled and Kate could see the disgust in Juliet's eyes. It flickered there just for a second, then it was gone again before she rambled on, "When they didn't get anywhere by beating on him, they turned on me. They only got to hit me once before Dr. Chang came barging in and said that the island needed to be evacuated. He's a quick thinker …"

Juliet smiled an actual smile and Kate wondered for a moment who she meant. Sawyer or Dr. Chang? But the unspoken question was answered when Juliet continued and said, "… guess it comes with the territory of having to lie about who you are and why you're here for three years. Anyway, so he agreed to draw them a map that would lead them to the others, if they agreed to put me and him on that sub. No doubt in my mind that the map he drew them would lead them anywhere but to the others."

Kate looked somewhat confused; she didn't understand how any of that had to do with her making them turn the sub around.

Juliet continued, trying hard to convey her thoughts with just a few chosen words, "So, yeah, we would've left that island, with or without you, but I've come to believe that his best intentions were to just get me home. To just get me out of there and to safety because he knew they would use me to get to him and inadvertently to you. He wanted me gone, so they couldn't use me to get to him. Does that make any sense?" she asked.

When Kate nodded her agreement, Juliet continued, "So if you hadn't been on that sub … if you had been left behind, he would've come back for you. But the fact that you were actually on that sub …" Her face grimaced in pain "… to him that was probably like the icing on the cake."

"I doubt that!" Kate snapped at Juliet, "He didn't look very thrilled when he saw me?" She took an unsure step towards Juliet and leaned her hip casually against a desk when she folded her arms across her chest, "Look, none of this even matters anymore … and the only person who truly knows what he was thinking or feeling or what his intentions were is James himself."

Juliet's sigh sounded exaggerated, and she shook her head as her eyes scanned the ceiling in an attempt to not have to look at Kate for a moment, "You just don't get it, do you? What was he suppose to do? It's not like he could jump up and down with joy that you were safe too. He tried his best to keep up his pretense of irritation. And yes, he would've never agreed to stop the sub and go back, because he had both of us by his side … but, he wasn't going to let either one of us leave that sub and go back to that island without him, and you know that's the truth, Kate. So I took matters into my own hands, not just to stop Jack, but to take the weight of the decision of his shoulders. I wasn't going to sit around and wait for you to make your escape and then watch him follow you and chose you over me. And I knew he would've chosen you."

Kate swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, clearly thinking over everything that Juliet had said. She didn't know whether she should be happy about his undying love for her, or whether she should question and argue with Juliet to give her some sort of … solace. He had and probably still loved Juliet too. But before Kate could make up her mind and decide on what to respond, Juliet spoke up.

"So you see, it wouldn't have made a difference."

Kate thought about it, but it didn't take her long to realize that Juliet was wrong, "Of course it would've made a difference, Juliet. If I hadn't gotten on that sub and if I hadn't talked you into turning the thing around and going back to the island with me to stop Jack … well, if I hadn't done any of that then you'd still be alive. You would be alive, Juliet." She repeated to emphasize her point, "And I wish … I'm so sorry."

Juliet didn't take very long to respond, as if this was a no-brainer. Her mind was made up about every different scenario that would've or could've played out and she said solemnly, "It wouldn't have made a difference, because I would've lost him either way. Because he was never completely mine to begin with. Even if he would've stayed with me, I would've forever been his second choice."

"You don't know that. You don't know what he would've done. Maybe he would've forgotten all about me. Maybe he would've never set foot on this island again and maybe you and he would've lived happily ever after … and …" She couldn't believe she was saying all these things, trying to convince her arch nemesis that she'd been loved by James. "… Can't you just accept that he loved you? That he truly loved you!"

Her chin quivered when she fought not to cry again, "I know he did. I know he loved me … he just didn't love me enough to get over you."

Kate didn't say anything at that, too exhausted from trying to convince Juliet that James had loved her. She knew he had, she'd seen his grief stricken face and the tears in his eyes after Juliet had died. She knew he had and probably still did have true feelings for the blonde woman in front of her. Kate actually had to refrain herself from smiling at the grave irony of the situation. What the hell was she doing here talking to Juliet's ghost anyhow? This was all but pointless, wasn't it?

Kate sighed loudly, then finally retorted Juliet's statement that he didn't love her enough, "You don't know that either."

Juliet sighed herself and said, "I'm dead because of what I did. If I hadn't changed my mind to help Jack instead of stopping him, then I'd probably still be alive. So you can stop blaming yourself, Kate."

Kate's eyes shone with curiosity, "Why did you change your mind?"

Juliet spoke up again, "I saw him look at you."

Kate semi shrugged at the remark, not entirely understanding the weight that this statement carried for Juliet.

Juliet held her gaze on the brunette who was standing just a few feet away, "Not just once, a few times actually." Juliet let out a patronizing chuckle that didn't carry to her eyes, "He thought he was being subtle about it …" She shook her head again, then added, "He wasn't."

Kate felt the overwhelming need to defend him again, even though in the logic scheme of things it really made no sense at all, but she couldn't help herself. Her tone was quiet end placid, when she sadly recalled her side of the story, "Well … I saw the way he looked at you. And I don't remember him giving me any looks worth noting.

Juliet tried to smile, but then her lips quivered when the smile was replaced with a frown, "That's because he was more concerned that you would notice him looking at you then he was with me catching him doing it."

Kate heard the words, but didn't really understand what she was implying.

Juliet noted the confused expression that flooded Kate's face, trying her best to stifle the sobs and stopping any more tears from welling in her blue eyes, she said, "I think he was scared that you would see right through him the way did … and then everything would fall apart because of it. See, when I confronted him about it … when I told him that I saw him looking at you, he merely shrugged it off as if it was nothing. He said that it didn't matter who he looked at and that he was with me now."

Kate couldn't stop the pang in her heart as Juliet's words registered in her mind. Had he actually said that!

Juliet's frown deepened when she added, "But I knew he didn't mean it. He said it with such intensity in his eyes, his voice sounding almost so … so determined … it was so unlike the way he usually spoke. He put on his best show, his best attempt to make it sound and look real, but all that did was proving to me that he was lying."

"And when I saw that look in his eyes, I was even more convinced that helping Jack was the right thing to do. Because I think he was trying to convince himself with his own words more than he was trying to convince me. See, he honestly believed that he would've stayed with me, just because he knew that I loved him and he loved me too, and because of that he would've stayed with me. But when you came back … it became clear as day that I wasn't his first choice. Every time I caught him looking at you I could see the regret in his eyes. The regret of letting you go. The regret of not trying as hard with you as he'd been trying with me. The regret of not fighting for you." Her eyes narrowed and another sob left her throat, "And the regret that he was stuck with me."

She locked her eyes on Kate once again, "So I told him that we weren't meant to be together, because I just couldn't go on like that. I had spent three years on that island with him. For three years I was trying my best … trying so hard to step out of your shadow. And I have to hand it to him; he tried really hard himself to be a better man for me. And he was … is a good man. But the truth is … the truth is …" her voice died down, the words just wouldn't come and she frowned deeply, clearly fighting back tears again.

"Do you have any idea how it feels to love a man, to share your life with him, to really try being happy with him, but to have this constant feeling that every time he looked at you, every time he –"She sobbed and wiped the tears that spilled before she managed to carry on what she was saying, "Every time he touched you, you knew he was wishing you were someone else? Do you have any idea how that feels?"

Kate didn't really know how to respond to that. She should be happy that Sawyer loved her this much, and she'd felt so much hatred towards Juliet on so many different occasions. Of the top of her head she could easily come up with countless reason why she should hate her … but right now, she felt truly sorry for her. And a distant memory of Jack came to mind, wondering if Jack had felt the same way Juliet had felt?

Distancing herself from the thought of Jack, she shook her head, because she truly didn't know what it had been like for Juliet. She did however realize that if Juliet was right, she actually knew what Sawyer had been feeling … to some degree at least. Because she too had put her best foot forward and tried so hard to be the woman that Jack needed her to be. All the while waking up from a dream in the middle of the night, a dream so vivid that she could've sworn it was real until she turned around and saw Jack sleeping beside her. She knew what it was like to squeeze her eyes shut tightly and imagining Sawyer was kissing her and not Jack. She knew what it was like to wish that the person with you was in fact somebody else altogether. The polar opposite of the person that was with you.

When Juliet remained quiet Kate dared a look over her shoulder. He was down that hall, all hard muscles and warm arms and comforting hands that would snake around her and keep her safe. She felt the sudden urge to cut this conversation short. She needed to get back to him, to his arms and wake him up and kiss him and tell him a million I-love-you's to make up for all the times she'd been too afraid to say it out loud to him. For all those missed chances and regrets … for all that, she'd do it now.

But as if Juliet could read her mind or somehow sense that she was ready to bolt back into his arms, she spoke up again, "I made a mistake." She announced with regret in her voice.

Kate waited with her eyes trained on Juliet to continue.

"I think I'm to blame for him coming back to the Island." She said and was well aware of the hurt expression that fell over Kate's face.

Kate could feel her heartbeat quicken at Juliet's words. She'd wondered if his guilt over Juliet's death had anything to do with him being here. She'd contemplated that notion in her head over and over and over again, wondering if protecting this island was Sawyers way of punishing himself for what he thought he'd done to Juliet.

Kate closed her eyes, fighting back her own tears now as she remembered him sitting next to her on the pier. She could clearly hear his voice in her head, _"It's my fault she's dead, not yours. She was sitting right there – right where you are now – trying to leave this place. And I convinced her to stay. I made her stay on this island 'cause I didn't wanna be alone. You understand that, right? But … but I think some of us are meant to be alone."_

Sudden realization made Kate gasp when his words echoed in her head once more, _"Some of us are meant to be alone."_

Anger began to rise in her at the thought that he'd left her because he couldn't get over Juliet's death. Red hot boiling anger rushed over her instantly, when she remembered all those times in L.A. when she had that nagging feeling that he was still mourning Juliet. And that nagging feeling had kept her from letting anything happen between him and her.

And wasn't it him who'd kissed her back on that couch in Miles' apartment? And wasn't it him who'd accused her of running, even though he was supposedly ready for more? And wasn't it him who'd left that ridiculous heart wrenching and incredibly romantic outgoing message on his cell phone, for all the world to hear that he still loved someone named Freckles? And wasn't it him who'd popped the question in the most inappropriate moment she could think of? Wasn't it him who'd done all of those things?

Her heart ached.

And wasn't it me who still had doubts about him being truly over Juliet, but had kissed him anyways? Wasn't it me who pushed that doubt away after hearing his confession of love and leaped right into his arms and his bed and let him push that ring onto my finger without a second to even think about it? Wasn't it me who should've known better and follow my instincts? Wasn't that all me?

Juliet cleared her throat to recapture Kate's attention, "He shouldn't be here."

The anger sizzled down at the sound of Juliet's voice. At least they both agreed on one thing. "I know."

"He was supposed to be able to go home. I agreed to Jack's plan because I wanted him to go home. I wanted to have never met him, never have to lose him and for him to never come to this place. But now he's stuck here on this island, and I think it's because of something I said. Something I confided in him a very long time ago."

Kate found herself confused once again. What? She thought but didn't actually say it. It wasn't the burden of her death but something Juliet had told him that kept him here?

"What did you tell him? What did you say to him?" The anger rising again, but this time it was directed at Juliet. Still, Kate tried her best to keep her voice low so she wouldn't wake him up.

All the sympathy she'd felt for the woman just moments ago had all but vanished into thin air. Could something Juliet has said make him think that this place was his destiny? What the hell was going on here? Was she about to finally find out why he was here … and hearing it from Juliet of all people? "Do you know why he's here?"

"I can't tell you that." Came Juliet's answer, and after getting her hopes up to hear them getting crushed once again, Kate had reached the end of her rope.

"I'm done." Kate said as she shook her head. "I'm just done. I can't do this anymore. I'm done debating about who loved who the most. I'm done wondering what might've or could've or should've been. It's breaking my heart that he's staying here and talking to you about it isn't helping me at all. In fact, it's somehow making me feel even worse and I really thought that couldn't be possible, but it is. I'm gonna leave you now and … and I'm sorry that you've had this much heartache in your short life and … this, whatever this is, this afterlife. I'm truly sorry that …" She wiped a tear away. "I'm just sorry. Period!"

And with that Kate turned on her heel and had just past the doorframe when Juliet called after her, "Wait."

Kate tried to ignore the pleading tone of Juliet's voice and kept on walking, although her steps were small and slow, not completely sure she was ready to leave herself, because maybe Juliet would tell her why he was here. And when Juliet spoke up again, "Kate, please wait. Just hear me out. Please." Her voice almost loud enough that Kate feared it would wake him, she finally stopped, rolled her eyes – more at herself then at Juliet's begging – and slowly began to retrace her steps back to the room.

Kate stopped short in the doorframe, waiting for Juliet to say something that wouldn't make her regret that she came back for the second time.

Juliet seemed uncertain as she fidgeted with her hands and Kate realized that she'd actually never seen Juliet like this. Unsure. Yeah, that was the word.

Juliet was exactly that. Unsure. She knew just enough to believe in the power this place held, and then also found herself struggling with disbelieve too. So now she wasn't entirely sure what she was going to say without telling Kate the truth that she knew was true. She didn't want him to be stuck here. She wanted him to leave, even if it meant that Kate might get sick again.

She was completely selfish at this point. She refused to accept that she'd died in vain for a man that threw his life away to save Kate's instead. And even though she had a distinctive dislike for Kate, she had a feeling that if Kate knew the truth she'd fight come hell or high water to get him off this island too.

She knew if she could get Kate to understand and realize what he'd done without actually breaking the laws of the island … well, if she could do that, then she was sure to find an ally in the most unlikely person.

She would find an ally in Kate to get James off this hellhole once and for all.

Think, Juliet … think! She could feel Kate's eyes on her, clearly waiting for something, anything to come out of her mouth.

Juliet swallowed hard and finally looked up from her fidgeting hands, "Did James ever tell you that I have a sister?"

* * *

><p>'<em>If you really love him, Kate, then you'll get him off this island and never let him come back!'<em> Juliet's last words before she literally disappeared right before Kate's eyes kept replaying in her head.

Kate sat on the edge of the chair she'd pulled in front of the sofa where he was still fast asleep. She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought the unbearable urge to shake him awake and yell at him. To confront him with what she now knew, or thought she knew. But he would deny it all, he would lie, no doubt that he would. But would she be able to read the lie in his eyes and know then for sure? Would it be worth the fight for some sort of confirmation? Even if that confirmation came only by the betraying look in his eyes?

Juliet had told her all about her sister being sick with cancer. And that the cancer had gone in complete remission, because she'd been 'summoned' to this island by Ben and in return Jacob had cured her sister. And at one point during her stay with the others Ben had insinuated that she'd have to stay now, because that's how things worked.

It wasn't hard for Kate to figure out why Juliet had told her this story. Kate was connecting the dots; one by one while Juliet wasn't even finished yet. It all hit too close to home. It all sounded so incredibly similar to her own situation, - hell, she was even pregnant like Juliet's sister had been at the time. And of course, Kate couldn't refrain from asking her to her face if she wasn't sick anymore because James was here. But Juliet ignored the question as if she'd never asked, and to Kate's frustration just rambled on about her sister and the island.

Kate thought about it and thought about and thought about while she watched him sleep. Juliet hadn't said it, nor had she even mentioned to have any kind of knowledge that Kate herself had been sick not too long ago, but she hadn't seemed surprised either when Kate blurted it out to her. However, Juliet had stayed on task, and only talked about what had happened to her sister and her. She simply refused to take Kate's bait.

But still that feeling of clarity that overwhelmed Kate now was just undeniable. There was no doubt in her mind anymore what Juliet had tried to insinuate by telling her all of that.

The only thing she didn't understand was how and when James had found out that she was sick. He seemed so angry with her when she'd told him at the beach on Hydra Island. Was all of that just for show? He'd known all along and had been lying to her all along?

Kate frowned and pushed her untamable hair out of her face, locking her fingers on top of her head as she lowered her head in frustration.

Why? Why did he do this?

She knew why he'd done it. She knew now that he'd left her and Clementine and everyone else behind to save her life. To make her healthy again.

Oh god, this can't be really happening to me, Kate thought to herself.

She was touched. No, touched wasn't even a strong enough word to describe how this made her feel. Trying to decipher the feeling as if that would somehow solve the dilemma she dug deep and allowed those emotions to surface. But then she realized that she wasn't touched at all … no, she was angry.

She blinked tears away and wiped at her cheeks when the droplets rolled down her cheeks quickly. He was doing it again, she realized. In the proverbially sense he was kneeling in the muck and dirt once again with a gun trained to his skull, willing to take the bullet without a fight just so they wouldn't do the same to her.

She closed her eyes when the memory of that moment flooded over her.

"_You let go, or I do her too!"_

"_Let go!" _

"_Don't you let go! Don't you think about it, Sawyer, you fight! No! Sawyer, NO!" _

"_No, No! Sawyer, PLEASE! You get your hands off of him!"_

"_Get on your knees!"_

"_PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!"_

Determination crossed her face and she whispered, "I'll do anything."

The sound of her voice made him steer in his sleep. He felt blindly around, and when he felt nothing where she'd been, he opened his eyes. Sleepily he blinked at first but then when he noticed the tear streaked cheeks, he propped himself up and asked in a husky, sleepy voice, "Are you crying?"

Kate had been wiping at her face, trying her best to conceal that she'd been crying when she realized he was about to wake up. Now she was just at a loss for words. She had a million things she wanted to say to him, most of it she wanted to scream at him, but when he awoke rather unexpectedly she was dumbstruck.

She hadn't figured out a tactic yet. Hadn't had time to really think what she was going to say. Physically he was way too big and strong, so in that sense she didn't stand a chance to overpower him and force him to turn that stupid wheel himself. And aside from all that, he was also the most stubborn person she'd ever come across, Jack wasn't even in Sawyer's category of stubbornness she let herself realize, and that was saying something.

So what's a girl to do when the man she loves with all of her heart looks at her like that? All warm and inviting, with concern in his eyes and asking her if she was crying?

Unprepared to face him head on with her newfound knowledge, she just nodded in response to his question. A loud sob left her throat as she tried to hide her crying face from him in both her hands.

"Ah, shit." He mumbled under his breath and came to a sitting position on the couch. His hands reached out to hers, trying to pull her hands from her face, trying to get her to look at him. But she wouldn't have any of it … she was clearly overwhelmed with all these different emotions and the fact that she was pregnant didn't help the situation in the least.

So he tried to pull her to him, mumbling sweet words of comfort and reassurance into her ear but Kate struggled against him. She didn't want to be held by him … she was furious, she wanted to beat him, slap him for being so incredibly stupid, for doing something so stupid. But her body wasn't as strong as her mind was. The flesh was weak. So it was only a matter of time before he'd succeeded in the task of wrapping her in his arms, and holding her crying and shaking body to his. He kissed her sweetly on her forehead and let his lips linger there while he ran a comforting hand up and down her back.

He kept on running his hand up and down her back and seemed even more encouraged when her sobs died down and she was beginning to regain control of herself again.

What came next was so … so typical Sawyer. With a lighthearted tone of voice he said, "Works like a charm, doesn't it? Like mother like son."

Kate stiffened at his words, trying hard to find the meaning behind it and trying even harder to fight the urge to raise her head and ask him what the hell that was supposed to mean.

But he clearly didn't have the patience to wait 'till she asked what he'd meant, so without further ado he went on to explain, "When I was watching Aaron by myself, he had one of those tantrums you had warned me about. So I did this. Held him just like this and rubbed his back, over and over again, he stopped crying and eventually was out for the count."

Oh god, why did he have to be so impossibly sweet right at this moment? On any other day he seems to find a hundred different ways to get on her nerves … but how can you stay angry with a man that held your baby like this and soothed him to sleep? How?

It took a lot out of her to keep the pretense going. Every fiber in her body wanted to yell and scream and even hit him and then drag him to that stupid wheel and force him some way, somehow to turn it. But she didn't do any of those things; instead she took some deep breaths and put on a brave face, aka a happy face.

He'd just assumed that she'd cried because of their upcoming separation and she'd gone along with it, nodded in agreement.

So here she was, straddling him on the couch, face to face with the conman – the liar – himself and he wanted to make out again … correction, he wanted to do more than just make out. He wanted her … all of her, but let's just say something had ruined the mood for Kate. And this was something she couldn't pretend.

"No," he repeated giving her the stupidest look Kate had ever seen before. He acted like she'd never said that word to him before.

"That's right. No," she repeated.

She had to think about all of this. Really, really think about this and she couldn't do this with him talking and touching and kissing and loving her … but at the same time, she didn't want to fight with him either, not until she knew what she was going to say to him. So she quickly had to come up with a plan to get rid of him, just for a few moments so that she could gather her thoughts and decide on what to do now.

* * *

><p>Granted, the diversion she'd created was probably the lamest one in the books but it had worked none the less. She had to give him her pouty face and begged him like a child wanting candy, but she knew he'd buy it and be a sucker for the whole pregnancy-cravings-thing. And of course, she was extremely tired too, and the growing Ford was to blame for that as well. Resulting in him leaving with a heavy sigh and the walky-talky and letting her catch up on some sleep.<p>

So here she was with the Orchid Station all to herself and Sawyer out there in the jungle trying his best imitation of a monkey in search for some fresh and ripe mangos to soothe that 'unbearable' craving she suddenly had.

She was lying down on the couch, her legs slightly bend, with her fingers locked over her stomach and staring up at the ceiling while trying to think of what to do. How was she going to convince him to leave?

She had the overwhelming suspicion that if she told him that she knew why he was here it wouldn't lead to the ending she was hoping for. But on the other hand she was just tired of the lies and secrets too.

Kate came to the conclusion that Sawyer seemed to believe the cancer would return if he'd leave the island for good, otherwise he wouldn't be so incredibly relentless in his determination to stay here.

But then again, it didn't entirely add up. Because Juliet had tried to leave, hadn't she? According to Juliet, she'd begged Ben time and again to let her leave. And Juliet was supposed to leave with Jack on the submarine that John had blown up. And after that, she was trying to leave and get rescued with all of them when Naomi and the freighter had arrived. Not to mention when her and James were going to leave on that sub in 1977.

So what did all of that mean? Did Juliet not care that her sister would get sick again? It didn't make any sense to Kate what Juliet had been thinking and she wished she could somehow summon the blonde for some sort of Q&A at the moment. She had wandered down the hall to that room earlier and called out for Juliet, but to no avail. She was gone and it didn't look like she was going to come back to talk this all over with her.

This mission Juliet had left her with; - to get James off the island – it was simply impossible. Frustrated Kate realized that there was probably nothing she could do to change his mind, but she was still going to try. There was just no scenario that she could picture in her head that would lead to him being the one turning that wheel and leaving the island.

When she heard the sound of the elevator beginning to go up again, she let out another frustrated sigh.

She had made a decision. She'd made up my mind.

Moments passed before the elevator began to slowly come down again. When it stopped and she heard the doors open, her heart began to race wildly in her chest.

Kate knew she was going to have the fight of her life with her husband, because she'd decided that if he wasn't going to leave, she would have to stay here with him.

* * *

><p>Kate had lied about craving mangoes, but after she took the first bite she realized that the lie hadn't been entirely untrue. The mangoes were simply delicious and she devoured them as if she hadn't eaten in days.<p>

Sawyer was watching her eat with a satisfied smile on his face, "You know, Freckles, you can slow down there, ain't nobody's trying to take those mangoes from you, Sweetheart."

She wiped some juice off her chin with the back of her hand, looked up at him and said, "They're really good."

His smile grew wider, "Almost broke my damn neck trying to get those suckers for you." He leaned back and stretched his arms overhead for a moment before he slumped down comfortably beside her again, "I'm just glad you weren't cravin' ice cream."

She smiled at him, shook her head and with a bite full of mangoes in her mouth said, "Don't mention ice cream!"

He laughed, then slung an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, grinning and flashing his dimples, "Now, how grateful are you that I got you those mangoes and let you nap for a bit?"

She rolled her eyes before she took another bite of the mangoes but didn't actually answer him.

Chewing deliberately slowly while racking her brain how she could change the subject from mango cravings and sex to 'hey-by-the-way-honey-I'm-staying-on-the-island-with-you'!

She swallowed the last of her mango and turned towards him, giving him no choice but to loosen the tight grip he had around her waist. Her heart began to race again, but she put on a bright fake smile and said, "Alright, I've got a proposition for you."

He raised both eyebrows and smirked back at her, intrigued by her choice of words, "A proposition, huh? Can't wait to hear this one!"

She couldn't help the light shade of pink that once again crept to her cheeks. It was inevitable, she just wasn't the kind of person to make propositions like this without blushing, "I was thinking."

She paused and swallowed, her heart was racing and she wondered if he could tell, "How about we make it interesting and play a round of 'I never'?"

His face turned somber, but before he could reject her idea she held up her hand and explained, "I know I can't drink, James. I was thinking more along the lines of strip-I-never." Heat raced to her face once again after that sentence had left her lips and she could see the smirk creep back on his face.

"Strip-I-never?" he asked with mischief in his eyes, "Hell, Freckles, that's the best idea, if I ever heard one."

"Okay then." She said biting her lip. That was easy enough, she thought. "You think we have enough time though?"

"Enough time? Absolutely, it's still mid-day and the big boss man said it will be long after nightfall before it'll be time for you to place your bets and spin the wheel." He let go of her and clapped his hands together, then gestured towards her to start, "Ladies first."

Kate got up off the couch and sat down in the chair across from Sawyer instead, but he immediately protested, "Hey, what the hell're you doin'?"

She pulled her legs up and hugged them in front of herself, resting her chin innocently on her knees and smiled at him when she said, "It's strip-I-never, James, not touch-I-never."

"Right!" he exclaimed with a hint of disappointment in his voice, then waved his hand again but this time more aggressively and said, "Come on then, Freckles, let's get this show on the road. Throw your first 'I never' at me, but make it a good one."

"Alright, alright … let me think." She said while she appeared to be deep in thought. "I never …" she drawled "… lived in Tennessee."

"Really?" He gave her a disappointed look.

"What?" she gave him a shrug.

"I ain't complaining …" He began to untie one boot to take it off. "… but if this is how we're playing we'll be in our birthday suits in no time, honey." He grinned at her and winked, "Maybe next we can play 'touch-I-never'?"

He licked his lips and eyed her sheepishly, then said, "I never lived in Iowa."

Kate rolled her eyes at him and sighed, and since she had already taken her boots off earlier to lie on the couch she now pulled off one of her socks while he smiled across from her and untied his other boot. She was just about to ask what he was doing, but then she remembered that he had once lived in Iowa when he was conning Cassidy.

It was her turn and she tried hard to think of something good this time, "I never pretended to be dead." At least not yet, she thought.

He watched her for a moment clearly thinking about something and waiting, but when she didn't move to take any clothing off he said, "You know, you had Joanna's passport and were gonna -."

"Doesn't count." She cut him off, "I never got to use it." And with a hint of sarcasm she added, "Thanks to you."

With a sigh Sawyer reached for his left sock and pulled it off, then slumped back on the couch again, eyed her wearily and said, "I never been featured on Americas Most Wanted."

She scoffed at him, but none the less pulled off her other sock and threw it in the slowly growing pile on the floor between them.

She stared at him for a long moment, with a hint of amusement she said, "I never thought that – after we first met – that I'd end up marrying you."

She didn't undress and he let out a soft chuckle but didn't remove any clothing either.

"Guess it wasn't love at first sight, Freckles!" Kate couldn't help but giggle at that.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looked at her with amusement of his own, determined to steer the heat a bit he said, "I never read the same letter over and over again because I wanted to understand someone better and not feel so damn guilty about my sexual attraction to said …" he waives his hand gesturing to himself "…someone."

She looked away and slightly shook her head for a moment when her cheeks blushed again, and a grin spread across his face when she started to unbutton her shirt and eventually removed it.

He leaned back on the couch again and crossed his arms over his chest, "Might not been love, but I knew you wanted me."

"Shut up, James." She spat back, before she said, "I never acted like an asshole just to secure my spot on a raft because I was too scared of the feelings that I had for someone I barely knew and I just had to get the hell away from her."

He scoffed mumbling a curse under his breath before he pulled off his other sock.

Satisfied she smiled at him but was instantly fearful what he might say next.

He looked as if deep in thought before he licked his lips and his dimples began to show when he raised his eyebrows in devilish delight and said, "I never pretended not to like what I saw when I first saw you naked."

Rolling her eyes she looked down at what she was wearing, and without much thought decided to pull her tank top off over her head, leaving her with nothing but her bra and blue-jeans.

"Now we're getting somewhere." Sawyer exclaimed clearly liking that this game was beginning to get interesting, and then he looked at Kate to see what she had on her mind next.

"I never walked out of the water completely naked just to provoke someone and to show off my … goods."

"My goods?" Sawyer chuckled at her choice of words, then smiled wide as he began to unbutton his own shirt, "Well, it never hurts to lay the cards or … the goods on the table sometime." He shot her a look, as he threw his shirt in the pile now, sitting there bare-chested, "Keep it up and you'll get another good look at those goods, darlin'."

It was Sawyers turn and he seemed to take a moment to really think of something good. With an intriguing look in his eyes, he chose his words carefully when he said, "I never thought about what it would be like to make love to you…" He cocked his head to the side and smiled before adding, "…following our first kiss."

She hesitated, and he did too as they assessed each other's reaction carefully. Finally, with a heavy sigh Kate gave in and stood up first, her hand reaching to the button of her pants when he stood up too and reached for his. His eyes never leaving hers and she couldn't hold back any longer and began to let that smile show on her face and with it breaking the sudden tension that had somehow build around them.

Kate undid her zipper when Sawyer suddenly closed his button again, reached in his back-pocket and threw the folded up letter on the pile instead of his jeans.

Kate stopped with her pants undone, "You can't do that. That's not a piece of clothing, James."

"It's on my person." He said innocently when he sat back down.

"In that case." Kate quipped back as she pulled her zipper up and closed her button again; she reached into her back pocket and presented the top of the pile with the ultrasound printout of their baby.

Both of them stared at the picture for a moment and the tension seemed to fill the room even thicker this time.

Kate was contemplating her next words as she felt it was time to turn this game into the direction she'd intended it to go when she proposed it. With sorrow in her eyes she said, "I never loved anyone like I love you."

His eyes and face grew serious, matching hers when neither of them moved to undress anything at first, but then both stood simultaneously, fished something out of their pockets and added it wordlessly to the pile.

He swallowed the lump in his throat; his eyes trained on hers when he said, "I never will love anyone like I love you."

Silence engulfed them both for a long moment. The air thick with guilt and broken promises, but then Sawyer retrieved a lighter and Kate presented a pocketknife to the small heap of discarded items between them.

Kate realized that her moment had come. The moment of truth. It was now or never. She tried to get her racing heartbeat under control. Tried her best to not shake like a leaf at the pure jolt of fear that was creeping through her at the thought of the fight she knew was about to begin.

She cleared her throat and looked right at him when she said, "I never gave up everything and everyone I cared about and came back to this island, just so that the person that I love wouldn't die of cancer."

Kate watched him intently for a reaction, and was clearly surprised because he wasn't fuming and yelling right away. For some reason she had expected him to yell, after all, that's how he dealt with things he didn't want to talk about. He yelled and got mad and picked a fight to avoid the actual topic at hand. In this case, it would be the fact that he'd been lying to her all along. He lied.

But none of that happened. None of the yelling and stupid accusations happened and Kate could feel cold sweat running down her bare back, suddenly realizing that she'd never seen him this angry before, too angry to even yell!

He averted his eyes, stared at the pile of shoes and clothing and the ultrasound picture between them. She could tell he was clenching his teeth by the way his jaw was set. She could see his chest heaving up and down; he was clearly fighting to gain control of his own breathing. He clenched his fists by his side, and the pulse point on his neck was visibly quickening.

Hell, he looked like he was about to turn green and let out a roar that could be heard all the way back to the barracks. Like the Hulk in Aaron's comic books that Miles had bought for him.

She sat there for a moment, waiting for him to say something … anything really. She'd prepared herself for his yells and screams, but the silence was something she didn't know how to handle. She almost preferred the yelling over this, because she didn't really know what she was supposed to say next. She wanted him to say something, anything. Even a stupid lie coming from his mouth would be better than him not speaking at all. After all, a lie she could work with. A lie she could counter with an argument, a comment, but what was she supposed to say now when he wasn't saying anything on the matter.

And just when she thought he would never speak, he did just that. His voice was gruff, lazed with so much anger and he wouldn't look at her when he finally sneered, "Who told you?"

Oh god … it was true. It was true and he wasn't even going to deny it! He wasn't even trying to lie to her!

Her heart broke!

Tears spilled freely from her eyes within seconds and a loud sob left her throat when he asked her again, "Who told you Kate?"

Kate. How she hated it when he called her that.

She shook her head and wiped at her face and mumbled, "No one."

That seemed to surprise him because his head jerked up and he actually looked at her, almost as if he was trying to read her expression, trying to see if she was lying to him.

Her eyes met his and she could see the unspoken question reflected in them. Her voice broke when she tried to answer him, "I-I … I figured it out myself."

"How?" he snapped.

"Does it matter?" she asked back between tears and sobs waving her hand in the air. "I just did … Nobody told me, James."

He looked away now and let out a breath he had been holding, sighing somewhat relieved.

Again the sickening silence, how she hated it. It literally made her nauseous; it just seemed to suck all the oxygen out of the room!

Okay, she thought. She knew now that it was true. He'd confirmed it. And he knew that she knew it too. The worst was over now, wasn't it?

She had her mind set on staying. Kate would not leave here without him. She didn't know where she found the strength to pull herself together, but she did. She wiped at her tears and took a deep breath before she spoke, "I'm not doing this."

Such an open ended statement worded just so to coax him into wondering what she meant. Coaxing him into asking what she was talking about.

And he did, "You're not doing what?" He seemed relieved to change the subject, yet clearly unsure where this conversation was going now that the truth was out.

She cleared her throat and looked right at him, nervously fidgeting with her hands, "I'm not moving the island, James. I'm not leaving."

He leaned forward, his blue eyes meeting her green ones, searching for the right words, his voice was strangely calm when he said, "Don't, Kate."

Kate again!

"Don't call me that." She spat back at him, not even acknowledging that he'd said more than just called her by her given name.

And just like that his temper flared up and his calm demeanor changed to his usual angry tone, clearly looking for a fight of some sort, "Fine, its Freckles then." He took in a breath, "Don't, Freckles." He repeated and then quickly added, "Hurley's counting on you to do this. You have to move the island. You have to leave, you're not staying and that's that."

She stood up, towering over him still sitting on the couch, "That's that?" she asked waving her hand in the air. "I want to stay here with you and that's all you have to say."

He quickly came to his feet himself, clearly not liking to be towered over and being talked down to, "Yeah, that's that. You're not staying."

"You can't make me leave." Her hands on her hips, staring up at him, the challenge in her eyes, "What are you gonna do about it, James? You can't force me to turn that stupid wheel any more then I could force you to do it."

Son of a bitch … she was right, he thought.

He rubbed a hand up and down his face, fighting an inner battle between getting really pissed off and really amused by her antics. He turns his face to avoid her eyes as he's trying to keep the smile from showing. She was something else, he thought.

He really didn't want her to stay. He really thought she would be better of far away from this place. But at the same time she was fighting for him. Fighting to stay with him and … damn it, if she wasn't the cutest sight half-naked in just her bra and jeans staring up at him as if she was preparing for a fist fight to go down any minute. He dared a glance towards her hands and sure enough they were balled up into tight little fists. She was ready to throw a punch. He rubbed his jaw as the memory of her elbow connecting with him suddenly crossed his mind.

Fuck!

Pretending to be angry he turned away, he had to or she would've seen him smile. He rubbed his hand once again over his scruffy face, trying to will that stupid grin away so he could argue his point with her.

The baby! He just had to focus on the baby and not on her firecracker attitude that he'd dreamed of on his cold lonely nights before she'd gotten here.

His jaw set in a scowl, he turned towards her, ready for the debate to begin. "I don't care if I have to tie your ass to that damn wheel and give it a kick to make it fucking spin, but you're going, babe. No ifs or buts about it. So yeah, Freckles, that's fucking that!"

She didn't budge, as a matter of fact, she might've even gotten closer to him, her hip now cocked to one side with her arms crossed in front of her, "I'd like to see you try."

God, the attitude that had seemed so sexy to him just a second ago now started to grind his nerves … mainly because she was right, he couldn't really force her to do it.

And so the argument's started flying.

"The Island has to be moved."

"Then you better call home and have them send Frank up here, 'cause I'm not moving it."

"Damn it, girl. There ain't no time; Frank ain't got no papers and nothin' ready."

"Frank doesn't need fake papers, James. He's allowed to leave California and travel wherever he pleases."

Sawyer groaned in annoyance and then said, "The baby. This ain't no place to have a baby. You can't have the baby here."

"Claire did."

"Claire got lucky. What if something goes wrong?" he paused for effect and looked at her, "There ain't no preemie care here, no fucking hospital with nurses and baby-doctors and nic-units and stuff."

"Women have been having babies without doctors for a long time, James. And besides, Dr. Cross is here, and … I like her."

"You're not staying."

"Yes, I am. You better call Frank."

He let out another groan, "I'll just put you on the next sub then, Freckles."

"Then I'll just come back again on one of Penny's subs. I've found my way back here twice, I'm sure I can do it again and again."

"Freckles." Was all he said, his pleading voice had clearly lost some of the determination as he looked at her with sad eyes and shook his head, "This ain't never gonna work."

She fought the onslaught of emotions when she realized she had one foot in the door. She wiped a tear away quickly as she looked up at him with newfound hope and strength, "Just hear me out, James. Just let me talk and … just let me say what I have to say and then you can nit-pick and argue everything, but just let me say something."

He sighed defeated, and then nodded for her to go on, but he seemed unsure none the less.

Kate took a deep breath, ready to plead her case in front of the grand jury consisting of only Sawyer. She obviously hadn't practiced an actual speech, but she knew deep down of all the things she felt for him, all the things she never said and under different circumstances would probably never ever say to him out loud. But she had nothing left to lose anymore. Aaron wasn't her son. Clementine was not her daughter.

But James is her husband and this baby is theirs to raise together. She'd always believed that she could never have anything good. She was Wayne's daughter and therefore she would never have anything good and she would never find true happiness.

But happiness was standing right in front of her and part of that happiness was growing inside of her. And she would fight for it, for both of them, come hell or high water. She wasn't going to throw in the towel, she wasn't going to cut and run anymore.

For once in her life Kate was going to fight to stay.

"You know, I know what it's like to want to die." Kate sat back down in her chair and put her legs up once again, hugging them, "How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in, but you can't. How you try to hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the thing on the inside."

James wearily sat down too, but kept his eyes trained on her.

Kate continued, "I sat on those front porch steps and I could smell the gas oozing from the house behind me. He still wasn't home and for a moment I thought that maybe this was my fate, not his. Maybe I'm supposed to die, not him. So I squeezed my eyes shut, said a little prayer and lit the lighter that was in my hand, but nothing happened. So I lit it again, and again nothing happened. And suddenly I wasn't even scared anymore and lit it over and over, again and again … but nothing happened and I was still here when he finally pulled up." She paused and held Sawyers gaze, "But I'm not that person anymore. So many things have happened. So many people got hurt, so many have died. I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I want to be happy."

She sighed, "And then I think that I shouldn't regret the things I have done or the things I have chosen not to do because whatever I've done, I must have done something right because I ended up with you.

I'm sorry for a lot of things, one of them was that I thought I'd never get the chance to tell you that, no matter what would happen next, I'd never be anything but grateful for every moment I spend with you, that I never told you out loud how much I did really love you ... that's what I regretted after you jumped out of that helicopter.

And if you make me leave here, then I promise you, someday you'll regret losing me… and you'll think back and say, 'Damn, that girl really did love me'. And if you start to miss me, remember I didn't walk away, I didn't run. You let me go."

"And I know that I probably sound like some pathetic girl to you, but at this point in my life it is only you that matters to me. There's so much that I love about you.

I love that you know me. I love your facial expressions. I love the way you say Freckles. I love the way you want to tell me things. I love your smile, your stupid grin. I love your laugh. I love that we have the same sense of humor. I love the flirting. I love our conversations. I love how you don't care what nobody thinks. And I love that you care what I think. I love how you smell and how it lingers on my clothes long after you're gone. I love your hugs and how they're warm and safe. I love the way your eyes light up when you laugh.

I love how you're such a geek sometimes with your books. I love that I'm your wife. I love that our hands fit together perfectly. I love that you're concerned about me. I love that you make me do that cliché sigh when you kiss me. I love how you make me burst into fits of laughter, because you really are that funny to me. I love that we're best friends. I love that I met you. I even love your perverse mind. I love the funny random noises you make. I love the burning touch of your fingertips on my skin. I love that I got to know you. I love that I've fallen in love with you.

I want to wake up next to you, eat breakfast with you, take showers and baths with you, get dressed with you, play I never with you, watch movies with you in bed, hold your hand, nap together, wear your comfy hoody when I'm cold, look into your eyes, be with you at sunrise and sunset, cook for you, walk in the rain with you, fall asleep with you, snuggle in bed, make love, mess up your hair and kiss you goodnight.

I've had other men in my life, I've been in love before, but it never felt this way. Never, not once, have I felt the way about any of them, as I still feel about you, and I just know I could never love someone the same way I love you. It's not like I don't think I can find another guy, but the truth is, I don't want that. I want you.

I know it sounds pathetic, but I want the stupid fights, the jealousy and all that kind of both cute and angry stuff that you do and say, I would even want the pain. As long as it's from you, it's alright, because I love you. And I know, even if I find a guy who's just like you, both personality and looks, I still wouldn't be able to love that guy the same way I love you. I would rather fight with you for the rest of my life, than make love to anyone else.

Because I want someone I can go to. Someone I can tell my secrets to. Someone who won't judge me for the mistakes I've made, for the mistakes I will continue to make. I want someone who understands me. I want someone who hears, not just listens. I want someone who says good night to me, and prays to god he'll get the chance to say good morning." She paused and then nodded at him, "Yeah, I heard you say that prayer, I wasn't asleep yet." She swallowed the lump in her throat at the memory and continued to ramble on in her attempt to win him over, "I want someone who knows my quirks. I want someone who wipes my tears away. I want someone who needs me. Someone who I need back. I want someone who loves me as much as I love him.

Between laughing for no reason, stupid arguments and fights, long talks, and making fun of each other … I've fallen in love with you. And I remember how I felt that night in that cage with you. I'll never forget how I felt. How I loved every second of it. And after … I loved it when my fingers were entangled in yours, and my head was on your chest, listening to your heart beat. It made me feel so safe, like nothing bad could happen to me, as long as your heart was still beating.

What I don't want is to leave you here and have forever this regret of giving up on us. I don't want to go on with my life without you in it. I don't want to raise this baby by myself. I don't want to sit in L.A. and Hurley will stop by telling me that you're playing house with one of those bimbos he calls recruits."

Sawyer cut her off quickly at that, "That would never happen." He shook his head to emphasize the words but then quit talking because he actually wanted to hear what else she had to say.

Kate spoke up, "It's just that I'm literally so damn jealous of every woman you talk to … only because I never want anyone but me to realize how amazing you are."

Sawyer shook his head and he actually smiled, "It's just all those baby hormones talkin' Freckles, I'm pretty sure there ain't anybody out there thinking I'm amazing other then you!"

"Juliet did."

Guilt and sorrow crossed his face. Sawyer stood up and was quickly squatting down in front of her, reaching out and framing her face with his broad rough hands, "She fell in love with who I tried to be for her, just like … just like Cass had fallen for who I'd pretended to be for her. You, Freckles, are the only one crazy enough to have fallen in love with the arrogant asshole that I actually am. And I only want you, so don't you worry about that anymore in that pretty little head of yours, because that would never happen again, Freckles. Trust me Sweetheart! Don't you trust me?"

She averted his gaze for a moment, but then found the strength to look into his eyes when she said, "You love me." She stated, then sniffed and said, "I don't know that I can truly trust anyone who could love a person like me."

He had to smile at the logic behind her statement, "Right back atcha baby!"

But then a sad look replaced the smile on his face when he realized that after all this time, deep down she still saw herself as someone unlovable.

He leaned in, forehead to forehead, and nudged her nose with his in an affectionate way, but refrained from kissing her lips. "Sweetheart…" He mumbled. "… I didn't know the girl you were when you killed Wayne. I didn't know who you were when you were on the run, but I do know the girl I've met on that island. And for the life of me I can't think of anything you've ever done to deliberately hurt anyone. All you've ever done was trying to help people. Going on crazy ass rescue missions through the jungle, gathering fruit, hunting boar, looking for water, protecting Claire when Aaron got sick and then again when Charlie went nuts, … I mean shit, the list is fucking endless. I love you for who you are on the inside. The lovely looking outside with those damn Freckles is just a bonus. And for the record, there's only one thing I wanted to change about you, and I've already done that."

She sniffed again, "What's that?"

He smiled, "Your last name!"

She cried and sobbed and even laughed through her tears, and her smile caused him to go on, "Austin? What kind of name is that anyway? Makes me think of Texas, and let's just say my conning days in Texas weren't my best since 99% of the folks down there are packing heat.

Now Ford on the other hand, first thing that pops in mind is Trucks. Big, sturdy, four-wheel-drive Pick-up-trucks. Made with the blood, sweat and tears of hard working Americans and probably a few illegal immigrants that get paid under the table. Ain't no comparison there Mrs. Ford!"

She had to smile, she couldn't help it. And that's when he kissed her, pressed his lips hard onto hers.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you think it's everything you want.

She couldn't wait, and after everything she'd already said she wasn't beyond begging, "Please." She pleaded to him with tears in her eyes, "Please, don't make me let you go."

"Freckles." He said again with that defeated air to it, "We have to think about the baby."

"I am thinking about the baby. I'm thinking that I don't want to do this by myself. This is our baby, not just mine."

He looked thoroughly defeated and there really wasn't any fight left in his voice, but he slumped to the ground his back against the couch and she practically climbed out of her chair to the floor with him, waiting for his response. "So, let's say you stay and everything goes right and the baby's alright. But you gotta admit that it can't be good for a kid to not ever be around other kids. Kids need other kids around, I mean ain't that why Aaron's in that preschool? It ain't like he's really learning anything there, it's just to be around other kids his age, ain't it? And then we get to the point where the kid's supposed to be in school, but there ain't no school here and –"

"We can home-school." Kate interrupted him.

He raised his eyebrows in amusement, "We?"

"Yeah, we, James."

"Sweetheart, there're some things I could teach the squirt but pocket picking ain't anything anyone would actually learn in school."

She eyed him suspiciously as she practically crawled into his lap, straddling him, "Jack said you told him that you dropped out after seventh grade."

Sawyer raised an eyebrow and couldn't help the grin that sneaked up on him, "Did he now?" His hands rested on her slender hips, his thumbs rubbing over the waistband of her jeans, every now and then dipping into the fabric, "Now why would the good old doc and you be talking about my education or lack thereof?"

She sighed at the jealous tone she could hear in his voice, even though he was trying to mask it with amusement, "Honestly James, I really don't remember when or why he'd said that, but I knew right away that you'd lied to him. So selling yourself short isn't going to work on me. And neither is trying to change the subject. If all else fails, the kid's still got me, and for your information, I was a straight A-student."

He paused thinking about his next rebuttal, then locked eyes with her again, "You could barely contain your cabin fever in California … you're gonna go nuts being stuck on this island, and we both know it."

"All I really need is right here with me." She said and reached for his hands, smiling at the eye-roll he gave her at her cheesy statement.

But then his demeanor changed once again and his forehead wrinkled in thought as he voiced his serious concern, "How long, Freckles? How long is this place going to be enough? How long will I be enough?"

She straightened her back and looked right at him, her hand brushing his long hair out of his face, "We'll fight, that's a given. And I'm sure there will be times when I just walk out of that front door and take a very, very long walk along the beach … but I promise you, I promise I'll just leave to cool my temper and at the end of the day I'll always come back to you."

"What about Aaron?" Sawyer said watching her carefully.

She lowered her head for a moment, and wiped at her tears again, "He was never mine to begin with."

"That don't mean you don't wanna be in his life."

"I do." Kate sobbed out loud and covered her grimacing face with both her hands to hide her tears again at the thought of that beautiful little boy.

Sawyer pulled her closer; he hadn't meant to make her cry like this again. But she forced herself to gain enough control over her emotions so she could at least speak, "He's not my child, but this baby is." Her hands moved down to her abdomen, "This is our baby and we are a family. So … so if I have to, I choose you James!"

His heart ached, but in a good way, as those words echoed around in his head like an ongoing mantra … '_I choose you James!'_

"So …" she cleared her throat to gain back his full attention, but then didn't say anything else, waiting for his response.

He sat up straighter himself, and noting a stray curl clinging to her tear soaked cheek he wiped it away and out of her face, then stared at her for a long moment. Sighing loudly he lowered his head and looked away for a moment, then he smiled and looked up towards the ceiling, Kate didn't understand what he was looking at but followed his gaze anyways. His voice sounded hoarse but somewhat chipper when he said, "We've got roofs over our heads."

The breath she'd been holding escaped her throat in a loud sigh and her tense body suddenly relaxed and practically fell against him, her forehead resting against his shoulder when she smiled and cried at the same time as she answered him, "Yes." She sobbed again, "And we got electricity, showers and … and beds."

"Beds are important." He whispered as he turned his head just enough that his ever present stubble graced her ear.

She raised her head off of his shoulder and to his surprise framed his face with both hands, still crying but this time out of happiness, "I can't believe we're doing this."

"Me neither, babe, me neither." He answered as he fisted his hands in her hair to hold her in place and kiss her. First soft lips just brushing against each other, but then she pulled at him, urged him even closer and before they knew it, they found each other entangled on the cold cement floor and kissing each other passionately.

But their passionate moment was suddenly rudely interrupted when Sawyer pulled away from her, bracing himself on his forearms and hovering merely inches over Kate in complete silence.

Both forced themselves to hold their breath just long enough to really listen, and the sound coming from around the corner and down the hall confirmed it.

He looked down at her and she looked up at him, but she spoke first, "It's the elevator. Someone's up there, James. Someone started the elevator."

"I know." He huffed as he scampered quickly to his feet and reached down for her, grabbing her outstretched hand to help her get up off the floor. He took the letter and the picture from the pile, shoved them into the back pocket of his jeans in mere seconds, then reached for his gun and the walky on the little table beside the couch, but didn't bother with his shirt, socks or boots.

Kate was pulling her tank top back on and picked up her own gun that was carelessly sitting atop her back pack. She released the clip and checked her ammo, more out of habit than anything else because she hadn't had to use the gun yet.

They both turned around the corner at the same time, walking side by side towards the elevator shaft.

The elevator wasn't descending yet, and Kate quickly looked to him, "Is there any way we can stop it from bringing them down here?"

"Don't know." He paused for a moment, "It could be our guys."

Kate countered, "Wouldn't they have called us? We have a walky." Gesturing to the radio James had shoved into his other back pocket right before they left the room.

Sawyer nodded, "Yeah." Then the noise from the slowly approaching elevator filled the hallway. "Son of a bitch! They're coming down."

Sawyer didn't like this one bit. Was this Karma coming down in that elevator to bite him in the ass for agreeing to let her stay?

He'd sworn to never do this again. Juliet was dead because he didn't want to be alone. And he thought he'd done everything he could think of to prevent Kate from not only coming back but also from staying, but damn … he hadn't counted on her persistence.

How many times could he break her heart and push her away before she'd truly give up on him? So against his better judgment, against everything he'd sworn to never do again, he had caved under her ridiculously cheesy admissions of love.

But how could he not have given in after everything she'd said? Someway somehow Kate had gradually transformed from the girl lying in his arms who couldn't even utter those three little words to the woman she was now, so unashamed admitting everything she'd ever felt about him.

So how in the world could he fight her on this any longer, when all he ever wanted was the exact same thing? All he wanted was to spend the rest of his life with her and their child.

But those notions didn't change the fear that crept through his veins at the thought of who was in that elevator and why. It was just like Karma to turn this moment of bliss into something ugly by being faced with yet another unexpected obstacle in their journey to live happily ever after.

He glanced sideways towards Kate's hiding spot, and she caught his eye and gestured with a nod towards the descending elevator. He let his eyes wander over her small frame, hoping it wouldn't be the last time he'd get to do so.

If she was scared, it didn't show. Her face tense in concentration, her gun in her hand, and aiming at the approaching intruder that was now well on his way, but she didn't look scared at all.

The elevator stopped and Sawyer held his breath, his trigger finger poised on the lever and with his eyes and gun trained on the opening elevator door before them. His own heartbeat was all he could hear in that moment, when he suddenly realized just how scared he was. Not for himself, but for her and the baby. He swallowed hard, ready to shoot whoever dared to be a threat to his one true love and his unborn child.

"Kate? Sawyer?" the familiar voice echoed off the walls before Hurley even stepped into the hallway.

Sawyer sighed audibly in relief as he lowered his gun and quickly tucked it back into the back of his jeans, making eye contact with Kate. The smile on her face was a telltale sign of her own relief that the intruder was none other than Hurley himself.

"Ever heard of given folks a heads up, big guy?" Sawyer greeted him as he came out of hiding. "One of these days you're gonna get killed by sneaking up on people like that."

Hurley snorted and made a face, "Dude, I wasn't sneaking up on anyone … ain't my fault you guys watched one too many scary movies."

Kate gave him a hug, "I'm just glad it's you."

The door behind them suddenly began to close again but before Kate or Sawyer could ask, Hurley spoke up, "It's just Ben. We … the thing wasn't big enough for us both."

Kate tried her best to hide her smile, but Sawyer didn't even attempt to when he simple slapped Hurley on the shoulder and said sarcastically, "Yeah, bug-eye could stand to lose a few pounds."

Hurley just made a face but didn't say anything, then Kate quickly spoke up, "You didn't happen to bring Frank with you too?"

"Frank?" Hurley asked in return, "No, we didn't. Why?" Looking from Kate to Sawyer and back to Kate again after he noticed the twosome sharing a look that Hurley couldn't quite read.

"She ain't leavin', hoss. That's why." Sawyer decided to not beat around the bush since he figured they'd need to get Frank here now, the sooner the better.

Hurley's face kept looking from one to the other and back again, as if he was watching a tennis match from the sidelines, "Wait, what?"

He looked at Kate, "You're not leaving?"

Then he looked at Sawyer, "And you're okay with that?"

Back to Kate, "But you're pregnant!"

Then to Sawyer again, "Dude, she's gonna have a baby."

Locking eyes with Kate once more, "We've got a strict 'no-getting-someone-knocked-up' clause going here." He practically stuttered, "It's like all in the contract and stuff."

Sawyer decided it was time to interject his boss' ramblings, "The knocking up part happened off island, so she'll be fine. She wants to stay, have the baby here. Stay for good, you know, like me."

Hurley's face grimaced in a way that was unreadable, "Dude, there's something we gotta talk about!"

Sawyer raised his eyebrows, "Okay, shoot."

"Nah." He gave Kate an apologetic look before he turned back to Sawyer, "Sorry Kate. It's just … you know, just us." He pointed at Sawyer then back at himself to emphasize it, "Just you and me, man."

Sawyers sighed and said, "She knows, Hugo."

"She knows what?"

Kate interjected before Sawyer could answer, "Why James came back." She tried not to frown but couldn't' help it, "What he did for me, you know, the reason he's here."

"YOU TOLD HER!" Hurley practically shouted at him.

"No, are you nuts." Sawyer countered, "I didn't tell her nothin'. She figured it out."

Kate nodded to confirm and assure Hurley that it was true. The big guy thought about it for just a moment but then looked back at Sawyer, "Well, I still gotta talk to you about something. Alone." He gave Kate that same apologetic expression again, "It's a guys thing." He tried to offer as some consolation and then glanced back at Sawyer.

Kate took the initiative before Sawyer could interject. She touched his forearm to get his attention, "It's alright, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here." She glanced down to her bare feet, "I gotta put my shoes back on anyways, my feet are getting cold."

* * *

><p>Walking in silence into a room on the other end of the hall, Hurley turned to close the door behind them while Sawyer pulled on his shirt and began to button it up again.<p>

He then half sat, half leaned against a big metal desk, facing Hurley, "A guy thing, huh?" He sounded clearly amused by this, "Gotta work on you lying skills a bit, I don't think she bought it for a second, I sure as hell didn't." He paused, giving Hurley time to jump but when he still didn't say anything and just looked around the room like a lost puppy, Sawyer began to speak instead, "I know what you're gonna say, and believe you me, man, I tried to get her to leave. But she's got her mind set on spending the rest of her days with me, and I mean, who can really blame her for –."

"It's not about that." Hurley couldn't' even look him in the eye when he spoke. "It's something else."

Sawyer folded his arms over his chest, his voice a pitch higher when he said, "It's not, huh?"

Hurley cleared his throat, and shook his head.

The smile on Sawyers face disappeared and his expression grew suddenly worried as he studied Hurley's face and posture. He could tell just by looking at him that Hurley seemed scared to tell him what this was about. "Did something happen?" Kate was right here with him, so in Sawyers mind it could only mean one other thing, "Is it Clem? Did something happen to my daughter?" Sawyer took a few steps towards Hurley, trying to get the other man to finally talk. "Spit it out already!"

Hurley suddenly aware of the impression he was given Sawyer with his obvious reluctance to actually confess, that he hadn't even thought that his friend would automatically assume the worst. He finally looked up at him, and shook his head vehemently, "No, man, no. It's nothing like that at all. Far as I know Clementine's just fine … I mean, other than thinking that you're dead and all."

Sawyer let out a sigh of relief, "Well, hell, if it ain't nothing like that, then get on with it already. Frank still don't know he's gonna be the new wheel of fortune contestant, so time's off the essence here, Doc Brown."

"Okay." Hurley looked up and gave him a puppy dog look, "But you gotta promise me that you're not gonna get mad."

Sawyer thought about it for a moment and studied the man standing across from him. What could Hurley possibly have done to him that didn't concern Kate or Clementine? After giving it a minute of thought he seemed to remember what Miles referred to as 'Hugo's-gone-wild' days, aka Hugo blew up the black rock. In Sawyers mind there wasn't anything that could ruin this day for him. As long as his wife and kids – unborn included – were alright, nothing else would matter. So he suddenly blurted out, "You burned my house down or somethin'? That's it, right? What else could it be?" Before Hurley could interject he carried on, "Look, it's not that bad, Kate and I'll just build a new one, a little closer to the beach, little more privacy, if you know what I mean. It'll all work out man and –."

But Hurley couldn't take it any longer, the guilt was killing him, and he yelled, "I LIED TO YOU MAN!"

Silence filled the room as they locked eyes.

Hurley's voice was now barely above a whisper when he repeated, "I lied to you."

And suddenly he began to just ramble on and on, just pausing a mere second to take a quick breath, but other than that he just carried on as if he just couldn't hold the words back any longer, "I'm really, really sorry. It's just that I know how you get, you have quiet the obnoxious streak in you, and I knew you were just going to ask me every day and probably like a hundred times a day and so I thought I'd tell you when the time came, and I wasn't even sure when that would be, it could've been next week or twenty years from now, but now everything is just happening all at the same time and it's all just really confusing me and I've been feeling so guilty and then Bernard and Rose said I should tell you and making me feel even more guilty then I did before and Ben said that maybe we shouldn't tell you and on top of all that the whole baby thing happened and then I felt like I was lying to Kate too and now Kate wants to stay here and have the baby here and even before all that I kept hearing and seeing these two numbers again and again and I couldn't figure it out, I even dreamed of those freakin' numbers and then Bernard caught that fish, you know, and the fish I guess had ate that ring and then Rose gave me the ring and when I touched it I could just see all this stuff happening, you know like a movie or … or something like that but just in front of my eyes and then I talked to Ben, when I told him about all the guilt and the ring he said that maybe I was right and we should tell you and so Ben and I came here so I could tell you and on the way here I even mentioned the numbers to him and he told me what they stood for back in the Jacob days, and now I finally understand why I kept on seeing those numbers everywhere and –."

"HURLEY." Sawyer yelled to get his attention, "You're not making any sense. What numbers? What the hell didn't you tell me? What did you lie to me about?"

Bursting at the seams with the information at hand, he couldn't contain it any longer, blurting it out, "YOU CAN LEAVE!"

"What?" Sawyer grabbed him by his shirt, more roughly then he had intended to, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You can leave the island, man, you can go back home … with Kate." Hurley was literally bubbling with joy of relief as the words just rattled out.

Hurley was so incredibly relieved to have the burden of this secret lifted from his chest that he didn't even have time to flinch before Sawyer's fist connected with his jaw, making the heavier man stumble backwards against the closed door behind him.

Before Hurley could even steady himself on his feet and recover, the next punch came flying, immediately followed by a third one, which made him stumble some more and he actually fell all the way to the ground.

Sawyer growled at him, "You son of a bitch. You knew I could leave? You would've had me send her back? You would've let me suffer on this god damn rock?" He was fighting the urge to kick Hurley who was still struggling to get back to his feet, but to no avail.

Hurley came to a sitting position, bracing himself against the wall behind him, held up a hand in surrender, hoping Sawyer would show enough mercy to not punch him a fourth time when he felt a trickle of blood run from his nostril. "Sawyer, wait!" He huffed, trying to catch his breath through the sting of the pain, "Hold on." He reached into his pocket and retrieved the silver band, still visibly weak from Sawyers assault his hand was shaking when he simply held the ring out to his old friend, "Here, look!"

Even though he was furious and wanted to beat on him some more, all the anger suddenly washed away, against his will, when his eyes fell onto the sparkling band clutched between Hurley's chubby fingers.

It couldn't be!

He swallowed the lump in his throat and took the ring from him. Defeated he leaned against the wall and slit down to the ground, until he sat on the floor next to Hurley, unable to speak as he stared at the ring.

Sure enough this was really it.

_The ring._

The ring he had hidden under the floorboards all those years ago. The ring he'd retrieved from its hiding place on the day that Juliet had died. The ring he had thrown away in anguish thinking that all hope was lost. And by throwing away that ring – in his mind – symbolized the end of Kate and him when she'd confessed that she'd returned to the island for Claire and not for him.

But here it was now, today of all days. On the day Kate had cried and confessed all of her love for him like never before and had fought to stay with him, had practically vowed to him that she wouldn't run anymore, the ring had found its way back into his hand.

He stared at the ring in silence and Hurley didn't dare to speak, thankful that the ass-whoopin' had ceased.

So they both just sat there on the cold cement floor, slumped against the equally cold wall behind them, and neither of them dared to utter a word.

Holding the ring on that dock that day, hearing Kate announce that she wasn't here for him but for Claire, he thought that he'd lost her for good and had decided that holding onto this reminder of her would only torture him for the rest of his sorry excuse of a life.

_Some of us are just meant to be alone._

So he stared at it one last time, watched that diamond sparkle in the sun one last time, then drew back and when he let go of that ring and watched it disappear into the ocean, his intentions had been to let go of Kate as well. His only consolation as his heart ached for the woman still sitting right there was that he wouldn't have to wonder any longer how she truly felt about him. She was here for Claire. She'd made that clear. There was no going back. It was done. She was done. He was done. They were done.

And here he was now; holding that same ring in his hand once again and for the first time in his life James Ford began to seriously wonder if maybe something like fate really did exist after all. Maybe the good old doc was onto something after all.

_If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!_

After everything they've been through. His upbringing, her upbringing, his conning days, her runaway past, then Jacob bringing them all here, and everything that had led up to this moment. Was being with Kate his fate? Was being with her his true destiny?

His mind took a stroll through all the truly happy moments in his adult life and he suddenly realized that Kate was in every single one of them. He'd never been truly happy even when his pockets were full with dollar bills from a con or scam he'd succeeded in, because of the guilt that he'd turned into the man he was hunting overshadowed it all. And even his happiest times with Juliet were always overshadowed by the guilt he felt for not loving her with all of his heart and knowing that he probably never would. Only with Kate he'd managed to feel completely happy … and sometimes in the most unlikely places or moments, like in a filthy bear cage!

He was so lost in his own thoughts, regrets and memories that he hadn't even realized that a tear was rolling down his cheek, until Hurley brought him out of his day dream. "Dude, are you … crying?"

Sawyer turned his face away from Hurley, suddenly aware of the tears streaming down his face and instantly embarrassed for appearing so weak in front of his friend. He wiped at his face with the sleeve of his shirt, "No." That was all he could mutter without risking that the breaking of his voice would prove Hurley otherwise.

Hurley seemed unsure of how to handle this either, so he didn't say anything else and tried to give Sawyer enough time to get his act together.

But the moment past rather quickly, because Hurley had this overwhelming urge to have a heart to heart with his friend, "Dude, it's really no big deal. Everybody does it sometimes. I've done it plenty of times, and … you know, Jack cried like all the time."

"I'm not Jack." Sawyer fired back at Hurley instantly, his breaking voice was now replaced with anger and embarrassment, "And I already told ya', I wasn't cryin'."

Hurley nodded and quipped sarcastically, "Right!"

Sawyer scurried to a stand, his body stumbling along with his words, "I-I … I was … you're a big guy … so I broke a sweat when I punched you to the ground." He said, well aware of how incredibly stupid he sounded and was almost more embarrassed about this pathetic excuse for a lie then he had been about the actual tears.

"Right." Hurley said again with that same sarcastic tone to his voice. He wiped his bloody nose with his shirt, then huffed and puffed trying to get back to his feet and against his better judgment gave Sawyer a final verbal blow, "Must be the island magic that's got you sweating out of your eyeballs, dude."

Sawyer just shot him a menacing glance, but gave up on trying to deny it or argue. He stared at the ring in his hand again then held it up for Hurley to see it when he finally asked, "Where did you get this?"

"I already told you, Bernard found it in one of those fish he caught." He said, offended that Sawyer had apparently not listened to anything he'd said before.

Sawyer glanced at the ring again, "How did you know it was mine?"

Hurley cleared his throat, "I touched it … and then I just knew. I saw you and Kate like … you know, like flash before my eyes."

Sawyer wanted more detail, "What do you mean you saw Kate and me?"

"Just you and Kate … like doing stuff."

"If you don't start to really explain," Sawyer growled, "I'll pull you bloody nose so fucking long it will go just fine with your new nickname, Pinocchio."

Hurley swallowed hard and began to explain, "I touched the ring and I saw you and Kate in like different situations. You were walking in the jungle, kissing in the jungle, kissing in a cage, I saw you sleeping side by side on the ground somewhere, kissing in your tent, I saw you in one of the dharma houses kissing and stuff … in general, there was a whole lot of kissing that I saw, ohhh and laughing too. She was like always laughing and smiling and stuff and so where you and then I saw you and her sitting on the dock, talking or whatever and you were crrr … I mean like sweating and then you threw that ring in the water. You left and Kate cried like crazy. The end!"

"Kate cried?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah, man, she was." Hurley confirmed what he'd already told him. "Like really bad."

Sawyer just stood there, staring at the ring again and didn't say anything when Hurley said, "There's more."

His head snapped up, catching Hurley's apologetic eyes again, "More what? More flashes or visions?"

"No." Hurley shook his head, then sighed and began to explain what had caused his dilemma, "Just more stuff I wanted to tell you … it's just that once you arrived here, on the island, I knew right away that you wouldn't have to stay for good."

Sawyer's face grew mad, and another violent outburst was waiting just beneath the surface, but he was trying his best to contain it because he truly wanted to know what the hell was going on here.

So despite Sawyers evil glare, Hurley continued with his story, "But the thing is, or was, that I didn't know when you could leave, I mean for all I knew it could've been fifty years from now or something like that. I didn't know anything exactly and the damage was already done in L.A.! Everybody there thought you were dead and you had made it so that no one would come looking for you."

"But Kate did." Sawyer interrupted Hurley with a snarl, "You should've said something to me when she got here."

Hurley shot him a sad look again, "I know, Sawyer, and I'm really so sorry. I … I just didn't know what to tell you, because I didn't know when you could go. But now I know that you can go and … we're good now, right? I mean, it's all good now."

Sawyer sneered again, "Yeah, we're just peachy, except for the part where everybody thinks I'm dead, dimwit."

Hurley almost smiled and with a casual wave of his hand just said, "Oh that? We can fix that!"

Sawyer stared at him incredulously, and replied rather sarcastically "Oh really? What's the master plan here, Doctor Evil? Are we gonna ask Superman to fly around the globe a few times and turn back fucking time, or are we gonna erase everyone's memory so they'll forget I died?"

Hurley shook his head, "Dude, it wouldn't be that easy, we'd have to also like make all the newspapers and internet posts about your death disappear from like all over the world. And why is everyone always thinking of Superman? He's not even that great and that movie when he did that was like totally lame. The Flash could probably do it, he can run so fast, he can even vibrate through walls and –." Hurley stopped his ramblings when he realized Sawyers eyes throwing daggers at him and finally said, "Dude, we'll figure something out. They all thought you had died in the plane crash before, but then you and Claire showed back up."

"Yeah, but this time it ain't gonna be that simple." Sawyer answered defeated once more, because Hurley seemed unable to grasp that this wasn't going to be as easy as the last time he'd been presumed dead. After all, there was a body this time, and dna testing had been done. This would be hard to explain away.

"What's not going to be that simple?" Ben's voice startled them both as he stood in the doorframe of the open door.

Sawyer immediately tried to glance past him and Ben caught his intent, "She's fine. She's eating mangoes and asked me to see what was going on."

Hurley spoke up, "Sawyer's worried about how we'd explain that he isn't dead."

Ben stepped all the way into the room and shot the door behind him, "Actually, I've already given it some thought. Just some ideas, nothing set in stone yet."

Hurley interrupted, giving Sawyer a hopeful look, "See, dude, told ya'."

Sawyer turned his attention back to Ben, clearly intrigued if he indeed had a way out of this situation, "Go on."

Ben stepped further into the room, "We will say someone kidnapped you."

"Kidnapped me? Who would wanna kidnap me?" Sawyer asked not convinced.

"For example, former business associates of you." Ben equipped. "Like the one whose dead body you used to stand in as your own. Robert Hibbs was his name, wasn't it?" Ben gave him a pointed look.

Sawyer leaned back against the desk again and folded his arms across his chest, "Alright, let's say I was kidnapped, and then what? And how do you explain the body?"

Ben continued, "Since time is of the essence here I'll give you the short version, James. You were attacked by Hibbs in the cabin, he has a gun, he threatens to kill you, you both struggle for the gun, the gun fires, but before you could do you civil duty and call the authorities, Hibbs' other associates come rushing through the door after they heard the gunshot. Since you're outnumbered the armed men manage to overpower you and knock you unconscious, take you, set the cabin on fire in an attempt to destroy any evidence of their presence."

"Nice story, Spielberg, but a, that will not explain why the body was identified as moi, and b, why they didn't just kill me and leave me to barbeque along good ol' Hibbs?"

Ben seems to think about that for a moment, while Sawyer and Hurley's eyes are clued to him as they eagerly wait for what he comes up with, "I'm not entirely sure yet, I'm obviously still working on the finer details, but I'm thinking something along the lines of them wanting to see you truly suffer because you've crossed them in a past con, or maybe they needed some sort of information from you, either way, they didn't kill you but merely took you.

And as far as the dna testing on the body goes, well, that's actually going to be much simpler than it sounds. The test was actually conducted by a privately funded lab, since the results were being rushed because of your celebrity status. And since we actually placed one of our guys in that lab just for that very reason, … once you're found alive somewhere, well, then the media and authorities will look into the dna results and by then our guy will step forward and find some elaborate story to explain the mishap in the lab. But of course he will do so in a way that it won't compromise any other previous lab work done at the facility, therefore not compromising the credentials of the lab itself."

"Awesome." Hurley sounded clearly convinced and relieved all the same.

Sawyer shook his head, "I don't know, you make it sound so easy, but –."

Ben interrupted him, "Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of planning, plotting, work and pay-offs involved here, and it is going to take some time to set it all up as well, but with the resources this island can provide it can definitely be done."

Hurley smiled, "So, are we good then, dude?" He took a weary step towards him, "You're not gonna punch me again, right?"

Sawyer sighed in relief, tossed the ring in the air and caught it again instantaneously, "I won't but I'm afraid I can't vouch for my little firecracker down the hall. She's got quite a mean streak, that one, and with the baby hormones added into the mix you might want to get a hold of her gun first before you tell her what you kept from us all this time."

Hurley didn't smile and looked actually a little scared when he pointed at himself, "Me? You want me to tell her?"

Sawyer stepped forward and slapped him onto his shoulder, "I sure as hell ain't gonna do it, hoss."

He then turned towards the door, ready to get back to Kate when Hurley stopped him in his tracks, "Wait, don't you want to know about the numbers too?"

Sawyer stopped, "Am I gonna like what I hear or is this gonna piss me off all over again?"

Hurley nodded and his lips curled into a smile, "You'll like it."

"Alright." Sawyer turned around, "Let's hear it."

"She completes you!" Hurley said with such enthusiasm that Sawyer couldn't help but chuckle. "She what?"

"The number Jacob had for you was 15, right?"

"Right?" Sawyer nodded in agreement, remembering seeing the number fifteen followed by his last name written on the cave wall.

"Well, Kate's number is 51!" He practically beamed at Sawyer.

Sawyer looked at Hurley then turned towards Ben, clearly confused.

Ben quickly interjected, "Don't look at me, I don't get neither Jacobs or Hurleys obsession with the numbers ."

Looking back at Hurley when he spoke up, "Don't you get it? 15, 51! It's a sign!"

"A sign of what?"

"That you two belong together." He blurted out somewhat annoyed that neither of the two men in front of him seemed to share his believes.

"I love her and she loves me, that's oughta be enough."

"Yeah, but it's like she completes you and you complete her, it's fate, dude. The numbers are like fate and I've been seeing them like everywhere lately, and then today I find out that you can leave … It's gotta mean something."

Sawyer thought about it for a minute, "Wouldn't her number have to be 85 for it to mean she completes me?

"85?" Hurley asked confused.

"It's basic first grade math, Hugo, 15 plus 85 equals 100. 15 plus 51, not so much!"

And with that Sawyer was ready to leave when Ben interjected again, "So, how are we going to do this?"

* * *

><p>Kate was pacing the room, wondering what was taking them so long but she had a feeling that Sawyer was probably in there trying to convince Ben and Hurley to let her stay. So for once Kate did as she was told and stayed put right here and fought the urge to barge into that back room herself and decided to trust Sawyer to take care of it for her.<p>

She had just settled back down onto the old yet very comfy sofa when she heard the distinct familiar footsteps of Sawyer coming down the hallway, followed by Ben and Hurley's footsteps close behind him.

Kate fought an inner battle to remain seated on the sofa, trying her best to appear confident that Sawyer had managed to convince them to let her stay. If she was totally honest with herself, then she really couldn't think of any good reason why they wouldn't let her stay, but she still wouldn't find any peace until she knew what had happened.

Sawyer turned the corner into the room and looked at her. The corners of his mouth pulled up just a tad that his expression could pass for a smile when quickly sat down to pull on his shoes and said, "Let's go for a walk."

Kate took his hand and got up off the couch and Sawyer pulled her along towards the elevator. Walking hand in hand with him, she glanced back over her shoulder noticing Ben was on the phone with someone while Hurley stood close by, apparently listening in on Ben's conversation. She followed Sawyer into the elevator without anything being said, but as soon as the elevator door had completely closed before them and the metal structure began it's slow upward movement, Kate couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"So?" She glanced up at him, trying to read his facial expression for any clue to what was going on, but couldn't quite decipher it. "Hurley's okay with me staying?" Unconsciously she held her breath for his answer.

Sawyer glanced down at her and to her surprise he only said, "Let's talk outside, this thing makes me feel claustrophobic."

Kate just nodded in agreement but she didn't like this one bit.

This can't be good. All he had to say was yes, and that would've eased my mind, but instead he said he wants to talk outside … oh god, this is bad!

The elevator ride up seemed to take ten times longer than it had when they were going down earlier that day.

Sawyer opened the door and they both stepped out into the ruins of what used to be the greenhouse.

Right away Kate turned her full attention to him, "Just tell me, James, yes or no?"

"No, you can't stay." He began with his speech, but before he could say anything else Kate had dropped her head in defeat, her chin quivered and even with her eyes downcast, he could see them well up with tears once again.

He quickly spoke up, "But he said I can leave with you."

He plastered on a big dimpled smile as Kate's head jerked up and her teary green eyes met his blue one, seeking some sort of confirmation. A tear rolled and she wiped at his before it could run down her cheek, and finally voiced her disbelieve out loud, "What?"

"I'm leavin' with you." He repeated with the goofiest grin.

Kate shook her head slightly, still staring at him as if he was speaking Chinese, "He said that?"

"Yeah."

"Hurley said you can leave with me?"

"Yeah, Freckles, we're leaving together."

He could see the little wheels turning in her head as she asked, "You help me get home and then …" she paused, "… then you have to come back here?"

Sawyer smiled and shook his head, "I ain't coming back here, babe. We're going home!"

Her whole face lit up with pure happiness as she flung herself into his arms, making him stumble and nearly knocking him to the ground. He laughed out loud at her reaction and once he'd regained his footing he pulled her into a hug, picking her up of the floor.

But suddenly she pulled back and stared up at him, then pushed him back in mock annoyance, "Asshole!" she blurted out. "You couldn't have started out with that?"

"Sorry." He said sounding anything but that as he smiled mischievously, "Freckles, you should've seen your face … that was just priceless."

She shoved him again, "That was really not funny, James."

He protested, rubbing at his chest where she'd shoved him, "Hey, easy now, can't get insured now right before our long journey back."

She rolled her eyes at his antics but then suddenly seemed to be lost in thought before she said, "How is all of this going to work? I mean, the whole world thinks that you're dead."

"I know." He said and looked around for a place to sit, reached for her hand and pulled her along to sit with him. Getting comfortable with leaning back against a still half erect wall, he pulled her into his lap, slinging his arms around her and began to explain, "This is the plan …"

* * *

><p>The tunnel that lead to the wheel-chamber seemed to decrease in size the further they ventured into the unknown. Sawyer carefully lead the way with his flashlight in one hand, holding onto Kate's hand with the other, determined to keep her as close as the narrow cave would allow it. He didn't want to take any chance in losing her now by some cosmic turn of events like a cave in or something alike.<p>

Kate kept up with him, step for step on the uneven terrain, still somewhat overwhelmed and almost expecting to wake up and realize that this wasn't real and just a cruel dream instead. She hoped it wasn't just a dream, and almost sighed in relief when right in that moment of doubt she felt Sawyers warm and firm hand giving her a reassuring squeeze, as if he had just read her mind.

Her heart began to pound wild in her chest when she saw the top of the ladder. Sawyer let go of her hand, began climbing down the ladder and she followed him quickly. They'd safely made it thus far, but Sawyer glanced down the second ladder and noted that the lower part of it was broken.

He took his backpack off quickly and handed it to her before he began to slowly climb down.

"Be careful." Kate warned, well aware of how silly she sounded considering the fact that they had been in far more dangerous situations in the past. But just like Sawyer, she feared that something bad might happen at the very end … and they were very close to the end now.

Sawyer jumped the last few feet, caught his and her backpack and then waited patiently for Kate to climb down, reaching up and helping her get all the way down.

With Kate now safe beside him, Sawyer lit a match and fired up the lamp that Ben told him would be there. Finally able to really see it, they stood before the wheel and stared at it mesmerized.

Kate spoke up first, "That's it?"

Sawyer nodded, "Yeah, I guess."

Kate reached for his hand again, "Not as impressive as I thought it would be."

Sawyer walked closer but didn't dare to touch it, noting that the walls surrounding them and the wheel where covered in ice, "Ben wasn't kiddin' when he said it was cold down here."

Kate nodded again but then looked up at Sawyer, "Let's get out of here."

Sawyer turned towards her, smiling, "Let's do it, Freckles."

He went to work with the pry bar to remove the ice around the wheel, while Kate retrieved a rope, her passport and other travel papers from her backpack. She put her passport into her backpocket, then stashed the other papers away in every available pocket on her person.

Sawyer pulled the heavier backpack on, then Kate and him tied each other together with the rope and of course Sawyer couldn't help himself and said, "We should do this at home some time?" Kate glanced back at him over her shoulder and rolled her eyes, "Is there ever a moment when you're not thinking about sex?"

He wrapped his arms around her and began to knot the rope as tight as he could in front of her, thrusting his hips into her backside and answered, "You're honestly gonna try telling me that this ain't makin' you think of sex, girl?"

She rolled her hips back into him teasingly, but then contradicted her actions when she said, "This really isn't the time or the place."

He groaned, clearly enjoying what she was doing but agreed with her, "Then you gotta quit that shit Freckles, or we'll have to delay our departure a little longer."

"Okay." She agreed, and he repeated the same, "Okay then."

With her backpack hooked through her arm, they both took hold of the wheel with Sawyers bigger hands entrapping Kates under his along the icy-cold surface. With all their combined strength it began to turn, slow and steady. Then it all happened so incredibly fast, it must have been only seconds when the light began to shine brighter and a strange noise became louder, causing Sawyer to instinctively pressing his body into Kate even more, deliberately nuzzling her ear when he practically had to yell just to be heard "Let's go home, Freckles." right when the bright light seem to engulf them completely and then they were just gone.

* * *

><p>Hurley uncovered his ears and looked at Ben, "Looks like they did it."<p>

Ben nodded in agreement, "Yes, they did."

They began to walk towards the elevator when Ben said, "I guess Jate is fate after all."

"Jate?" Hurley asked.

Ben glanced up at the Hurley walking beside him, "Yeah, Jate. That's what the tabloids named them after they got together. It's a … it's a portmanteau of James and Kate."

Hurley looked confused, "A port-what?"

"A portmanteau." He repeated then explained further, "A combination of their names. James and Kate. After they got married the tabloids began calling them that. Their headlines read 'Jate is fate.'!"

"Ahhh." Hurley nodded, "I get it." He thought about it for a moment then said, "So I guess Sawyer and Kate would be Skate then?"

Ben simply nodded, but then said, "But Sawyer isn't his real name."

"Yeah." Hurley answered, "But I still call him that and he doesn't seem to mind it." They stopped in front of the elevator. "Skate is fate." Hurley said out loud, turning to Ben, "Don't you think that has a better ring to it?"

Ben sighed, regretting having started this conversation. "Sure, Skate does sounds better, but the tabloids still call them Jate."

Hurley shrugged, "Well, they are together again and I guess that's all that really matters."

When the elevator door opened Hurley turned to Ben, "Can I go first, this place is creeping me out."

Ben stepped aside, "Sure, you're the boss."

Hurley stepped inside and closed the metal bar in front of him, and as the elevator door began to close he blurted out, "SKATE IS FATE!" then nodded to himself, "Yup, it sounds totally awesome." Ben just rolled his eyes.

* * *

><p>Sahara Desert, Tunisia<p>

Kate's eyes popped open, she sucked in a deep breath, and instant relieved washed over her when she realized Sawyers fingers where still intertwined with hers. Automatically Sawyer wrapped his arms around her, and kissed the back of her head before he even bothered to take in his surroundings.

The ground around them was covered in sand. There were wooden poles lining up with cameras attached, but besides that there was a whole lot of nothing. All in all it looked exactly like Ben had described it to them earlier.

Their hands worked together to get the knot untied, and when they did, Kate didn't bother to get up but simply just turned around, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close, taking a minute to let it all sink in.

"It worked." Kate said relieved, her voice breaking up as tears streaked her face again.

Sawyer pulled back, one hand cupping her chin, tilting it up and locking eyes with her, "Of course it did."

She smiled up at him.

He pulled her in for a passionate kiss. The kiss lead up and they finally decided to get up off the floor.

Both scanned their surroundings for a moment while Sawyer reached for her hand again and began pulling her along.

"California, here we come."

* * *

><p><span>End Note<span>: First of I have to give credit where it's due. Some of the sappy things Kate said when she was explaining how much she loved Sawyer were ideas gathered with the help of google. I simply had searched for 'Love Quotes' and that's what where the majority of her love confession originated from.

So what did you think? I'm really curious to hear from you and get your input on what you thought. Also, is anyone interested in my continuation story?

I guess all that's left to say is thank you to everyone who's still reading my stories and a special thanks to all those that have left reviews in the past or are going to leave one today. I truly appreciate it.


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